posted on June 14, 2011 at 4:43 pm

the panther in winter (figurative and literal)

oh lioness do not forget your pride

he whispered the words to a song he knew into the vast grey sky

the day was leaden

the sun a dim white blur off somewhere

all his thoughts were brilliant but fleeting

bewilderness years indeed

an inbuilt sense of morality had failed

time was constantly running out as it had in its timeless way

a wise man in love is a fool down inside

his mind presented him vague axioms

a way to live his life

by the time he would discover the golden rule

the game would be in time-on then

the things he excelled at became better n better

the flaws n faults got worse and worse

the way the years had altered him surprised him

the good things held him together

the bad things pulled him apart

as they were in equal measure he remained therein

in the cancelling out of each other he had achieved a lift off

he perceived the paradox in everything

he lecherously coveted chastity

he did not hesitate to dither

an anxiety-less state made him really worry

in the midst of his turmoil he was calm

he often hated love and loved to hate

he couldnt wait so he started waiting

the concrete facts of our normal world warped in his head

he could see the bizarre in everything normal

it seemed normal to him to be bizarre

he had eavesdropped on citizens who had been intriguing him

he had committed a crime to discover a worse one within

as he read and interpreted the information

never intended for him to see

shocked by what he had uncovered

guilty as an interloper

he was fascinated and repulsed at the data encoded here

the 2 most deadly sins anger and lust

metamorphed in angry lust and lustful anger

marvel of treachery and bravado and stupidity

oh here was something important to solving the equation

how little he had known of these citizens of his

how surprising people can really be in their predictable fashion

man into pig woman into turkey

people getting their fucking lines from le jerry springer show

people getting their numbers from a puddle

people getting their nightmares tattooed in black n white

people plotting an attack on themselves

ha the enemy was always the same looming omnipresent threat

the threat of more threats…was that a paradox or just dopiness…?

some of it made no perfect sense

was that a mixed metaphor or some key unlocking satori…?

he tried to digest what he was seeing

his eyes were like a stomach then

and his brain seethed in its own bile and spleen

the nazarene the grooviest of all had opined

evil thought was much worse than poisonous food

now his head was filled with these others not even his

the lurid banality of every fucking thing

the sheer drop into a bitter negation of  soul

the fury invoked at elemental levels

the brutes and tramps that live within us half-bidden

the traitor in the skin of a friend

idiot within genius within idiot ad nausea infinitum

the fascination of deep repulsion was a truth to conquer

the magnetism of disgust

the way the wrong thing inexorably always goes the wrong way

the citizens were selling each other and themselves down a black river

it was so obvious that nothing good comes from anything bad

that no one not he could  see it

this most confidential information my friends thus rendered useless

obtained by deceit to expose deceit

trespass upon traitor to intrude upon a wide open door

inside you find what you wished to have known

but once you will know you will wish to forget

but forgetting is not the easiest thing

and everybody has their own price

and whether you pay in flesh or in gold

and whether you play by any rules at all

i mean why not just do anything…?

when your inner sense of good and evil

is not directed by the satellite of love and mercy

every where the plotters are adoring you

and their ceilings are flooring you

when you understand only half of the story

every now and then the protagonists and antagonists

falling out of character they reveal dismal disappointing emptiness

and your ardent enjoyment suddenly withers as you read the pages

the clarity

it has brought more murkiness …yes it has!

the insight leaves you blind

the sudden gush of discovery gives way to the long labour of regret

the sky becoming darker darker

the sound of the oceans white thunder fades

and its time for you to again enter the next stage







37 Responses to “nothing good comes from anything bad”

  1. avatar
    andy | 14 June 2011 at 5:14 pm #

    if you didn’t feel at such a deep and resonant level you woldn’t be
    the great emoter that that we love so.
    but i’m just a simple man steve,
    and i thank god for that.
    bests to ya slim.

  2. avatar
    BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 14 June 2011 at 5:17 pm #

    Im lying broken under jagged pieces of burned out bridges
    Suffocating, I cannot breathe, lost direction
    Im scattered in the breeze, living on memories.

    Im drowning, choking, falling deeper into all of this
    Black hole we call living, yet I still am not allowed to breathe
    Lost connection, scattered fragments in the breeze
    Living on what was once lasting memories.
    All that I remember now are people once as shadows
    Everywhere im allowed to look, as far as sight may see
    Broken promises of too many, broken promises of me

    Some things burden me now, these thoughts cut so deep
    Sometimes I feel
    sometimes I see
    Sometimes its with all of you
    Sometimes it no longer includes me.

    Darrin K.

    • avatar
      thetimebeing | 14 June 2011 at 5:54 pm #

      note to everybody
      i aint printing anymore inter commenter bitching n making up
      comment on my blog or go somewhere else

      • avatar
        bygonedays | 14 June 2011 at 9:41 pm #

        When a person bickers on your blog, give the culprit a good kick in the groin. I have heard this is your preferential attack move. that is my smart little comment for today and its old news that you kicked an old alcoholic jerk in the balls who had thumped you in your own home… see i am a sick nasty stalker who knows everything about you and i have crossed the line into obsession. i post here all the time johnny dangeriously (sic) for example and all the aliases despite kilbeys assurance that whilst on i was more free to pester him pretending to be various different people and pretending to myself that all these different aliases were representing real people that surely must agree that this kilbey fellow needed to be taken down a peg or two for his grandiose stupid inaccurate egotistical ravings…fair enough …however on this wordpress system your computer or your particular modem i dunno whatever well it comes up as a number and gee whiz when he clicks on that number all the comments sent from me all come up together and then kilbey can see without any doubt that it is me..i should get a new modem or get a new strategy because this is now a farce me pretending any longer as kilbey and everyone realises i am a single jealous little twit i got nothing going for myself except to attack obsessively an old pop singer, surely i need help and surely the paradox is obvious even to me that the more i rail against him the more i only prove my twisted almost perverted adoration for kilbey otherwise well why would i bother year in year out
        ok to prove a point here are some other aliases
        some of my bile was too bitter and mundane to warrant reprinting it went straight to the bin unread
        some of it got thru to show you other normal types what poor old kilbey has to deal with :
        petty little cowards like myself
        i have posted as bygone days
        johnny dangeriously (sic)( a rebel without a spellcheck)
        shammy ramdah (pretending to be a wellwisher oooh how clever)
        etc etc
        each with its own email account that no one will ever write to
        can you really imagine my sad little ass sitting down and filling in all the tedious questions to open the accounts rubbing my greasy hands together in the delight of trying to berate or trick or at least get people to see that KILBEY HASNT GOT THE SLIGHTEST BIT OF TALENT OR DECENCY AND THAT I CANT BELIEVE YOU ALL COME HERE DAY AFTER DAY READING THESE STUPID BLOGS AND GOD I AM BETTER THAN HIM IN EVERY WAY I DESERVE ALL THIS LOVE AND WORSHIP NOT HIM ME ME ME ME ME!!!!! IF I CAN BUT SAVE ONE SOUL FROM THIS MOST EVIL PERSON THEN NONE OF MY CHILDISH PATHETIC COMPULSIVE PERVERSE BEHAVIOUR WOULD BE IN VAIN>>>GOD GIVE ME STRENGTH IN MY CRUSADE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. avatar
    aisatsu | 14 June 2011 at 6:08 pm #

    Just when I’ve decided that I’m too disappointed in myself and other people is when I get that phonecall or random email or read someone’s blog and faith gets restored. Stupid, but people always seem to show me the way to redemption, most notably when I haven’t asked for it and I think I’m so cool in my cold jaded state. Take credit in that you make people think.

  4. avatar
    Karen | 14 June 2011 at 6:37 pm #

    :O freaky ! I dreamt I was climbing along a high wall …roof ( not sure) and below was a pride of lions last night.

    The things he excelled in got better & better umm yes.. flaws & faults ahh well can live with those love your work ..Im one of those

  5. avatar
    Meg Manestar | 14 June 2011 at 7:03 pm #

    Ditto Aisatsu.. Same.

  6. avatar
    hellbound heart | 14 June 2011 at 8:02 pm #

    perceptive and provoking…
    love always…..

  7. avatar
    . | 14 June 2011 at 9:39 pm #

    i enjoyed reading that one…

    I think the bizarre in our world came as a protest to the triteness and irony of so called conventionality. What some consider strange is nothing more than the outward expression of what they’re screaming from the inside and are too afraid to express it.

  8. avatar
    DavidP | 14 June 2011 at 11:06 pm #

    some more clever clever lines there
    a few i’d like to steal
    those citizens are rabble rousers arent they
    the anger of hurt pride, morbid lust, etc, etc…
    gaining some clarity allows us to see how much more we dont see
    which before we had no possibility of seeing
    like peeling an onion, remove one layer to reveal another previously unseen
    thats the Work we all have before us, have courage, you cant unknow it now
    its not too late to reduce and remove flaws
    there is help in the Here and Now n God helps those who help themselves
    if we did not already understand something of the light we would not recognise darkness, through experiencing and uprooting ourselves out of darkness we more fully understand the light, something good from something bad
    true humility is being completely honest with ourselves
    allows us to put ourselves in others shoes without having to think about it
    spontaneous love, compassion, forgiveness…
    I’d like to have more of those citizens living in my internal city
    have to kick out more rabble rousers & moneychangers from the temple
    in the very moments they raise their ugly heads, decapitate them
    as tempting as it is to go along with them but Consciousness is at stake
    its not worth giving in to those smiling assassins in my opinion
    as it is its like we are dangling by a thread over the edge of a huge precipice, the abyss below ready to swallow us up
    I want to go the other way, chop off the demons tail, earn my wings
    they say from the greatest sinners saints are born
    if the prince of darkness can awaken then there is hope for us all i guess

  9. avatar
    Lara | 14 June 2011 at 11:25 pm #

    A wise man in love ….

    That’s Aristotle giving the pony ride there. 🙂

  10. avatar
    kell | 15 June 2011 at 12:37 am #

    Beautiful man. Man of Great Beauty. Isn’t pride one of the seven deadly sins? To quote from Thomas Acquinas:
    “inordinate self-love is the cause of every sin (1,77) … the root of pride is found to consist in man not being, in some way, subject to God and His rule.”

    But 2 be proud within God’s law, God’s truth, is the key. To be an emanation of these things. Because from these things, all Beauty, all wisdom, all joy, arises.

    We are All unique, unsurpassable sparks of God, found within the heart, filtering up to the mind if we allow it. We all come from the One thing. What a trip…

    But the mind, engorging itself on it’s own reality, disconnected from the heart & the God spark, can feel that it is omnipotent, & at the same time, completely lacking in any true substance. Bit of a problem there.
    ‘You are not your thoughts’. So…..maybe ask yourself if you have a conscience, and go from there.
    The inbuilt sense of morality is always there….find the love, be the mercy ~ towards yourself.

    You are the love & the mercy. You always were, that was the appeal. And still is….

    What are the opposites to lust & anger? Every one of the 7 deadly sins has it’s corresponding virtue….
    Consciously working towards these may be the way up ‘n out.

    You ARE good. There IS time. You are TIMELESS.
    And the integrity of your work, this lifetime, goes right back. It’s there all along. ‘Mourn the Born’ ~ brilliant! (Just recognised the Greensleeves inclusion at the end!!!)
    Don’t let Lucifer bother you or use you anymore…look up, not down. It’s not grey, there are colours, silver, gold, imperceptible, remember?

    YOu are not your mind, you are not your thoughts, thoughts create reality, so think better thoughts…..!!!

    Oh wondrous man, Faery Faun. Don’t pull the blind down on your Light.

  11. avatar
    herman the German | 15 June 2011 at 12:48 am #

    Hej Kilbey,

    hope the new you isn’t poisoned by so much anger and frustration…you deserve better, let the freedom flow…

  12. avatar
    herman the German | 15 June 2011 at 12:51 am #

    ps good to hear you’re chucking the rowdies overboard. We’re here to read your words of wisdom, not the meaningless bile that some commentators leave all over these pages in festering puddles of mediocrity!

  13. avatar
    JW | 15 June 2011 at 1:12 am #

    Man…this is a potent one. Are these the lyrics to the song you’re writing about me? Geezus…

  14. avatar
    Boriah | 15 June 2011 at 3:52 am #

    I´ve just watched “Days of wine and roses” and fell in love with Lee Remick again. How deep is the deepest…love? How high is the…dome?

  15. avatar
    Freddie | 15 June 2011 at 5:35 am #

    It is the manure and the decay which fertilize the soil from which the garden grows.

  16. avatar
    Boriah | 15 June 2011 at 6:48 am #

    Your den years didnt diminish your genious lyrics. Remember them:

    “After the demise of our beloved leader
    Everybody knew that something had to give
    Cassandra she told me
    But no-one would believe her
    I wish I had helped her more than I did”

    And you´re still saying you dont like that song. “Ricochet”, my fav song from HOB.
    Cheers running astray…

  17. avatar
    aida morgan | 15 June 2011 at 8:01 am #

    Your blog, your rules. Makes sense. Not sure why anyone would have a problem respecting that. I appreciate that your poems aren’t a pleasant, lighthearted read. They’re thought-provoking, and I’ve read this one several times over. Enjoyed it.

  18. avatar
    Ess | 15 June 2011 at 11:22 am #

    just show me my achilles heel
    and i will serve you up a traitor
    even now more stoic under pillars of patient pythons
    invisible still under the softness of patented light
    a crack will bleed from that railway sleeper, a thin vein will expire
    a betrayer of death and splintered pain, but only of mine own
    for you i cannot betray, unless i mistake your face for me
    unless i take the good and the bad with no place for the ugly
    in the death of a god colluding in decline
    in the life of a goddess sneaking the reddest of wine
    i have all those deadly notes in a six pack of more than seven
    i dare you offer me a role and i will show you every file
    when i’m searching for some sin sometimes nothing else will do
    when i give up my compass you know i can’t be found
    but when you mistake me for your self
    when you scheme over my pores
    you have me up so high that the chill starts to descend
    you have me down so low that the heat starts to rise
    i can scream and wave and tell you i’m drowning
    but only double glaze transmits from my perfect imperfections
    and you will mince down that merry path and skip up to the corner
    and wrap my head and gentle hands in your best favourite burger
    my eyes will change colour, my words will be your weapons
    if i walk left it will be right, sideways in a standstill
    i am brutal these days since the rembrandts were stolen
    i am out of time for invasions or insults to delicate creations
    when the drawbridge slams shut it doesn’t come back down again
    and i send you off intact with some filigree and lace and just your very own face
    i wonder if when you see the best in the east of westphalia
    will you ever take the road between totality and infinity

    • avatar
      thetimebeing | 15 June 2011 at 3:36 pm #

      ess…who the hell are you
      this is beautifully written
      please reveal thyself

      • avatar
        Ess | 15 June 2011 at 8:22 pm #

        That is lovely of you to say
        I am nobody of course but I just have a bit of a public profile (not much)
        on a volatile political subject with some nasty characters attached and
        if I revealed myself I wouldn’t be able to reveal much of myself
        I am not quite out of that subject yet, sometimes I write a piece or two, and just last week I had some of that nasty bile (not too much though)
        and I wouldn’t want all my worlds to collide just now
        when my unconscious is roaming so freely on your site
        I haven’t written like this before, so fast and improvised and imperfect,
        without reason, but using relevance to reason,
        for a person who can’t live without creativity I have long (yet again) denied myself my lifeline
        for so long, if I have written at all, it has come from obligation to a cause and not to myself, or to a different self, with words designed with fact ahead of language, from the head more than the heart
        but if there is anything beautiful to be found in my words here just remember that they are bouncing off something beautiful in yours.
        (that’s the long answer, couldn’t find anything shorter…)

  19. avatar
    Cee | 15 June 2011 at 11:47 am #

    he often hated love and loved to hate
    he couldnt wait so he started waiting

    muy a menudo odiaba amar y amaba odiar
    no podia esperar mas entonces empezó a esperar

  20. avatar
    Donna | 15 June 2011 at 11:51 am #

    A panther in winter,literally and figuratively. Hmmm. Reminds me of a heart in winter. Cold, shut down. 🙁 A lot of good things in this piece. A really good description of people: unpredictable, impulsive, irrational. And of course, liked the reference to the grooviest Nazarene.

    “it was so obvious that nothing good comes from anything bad.” I love this line, although God can use anything for good. “You intended evil, but God used it for good” – Genesis 50

    So…it’s already been FOUR MONTHS since you toured the states. Don’t you think it’s time to come back?! Enjoy your day… Donna

  21. avatar
    blue sidhe | 15 June 2011 at 12:23 pm #

    There are three sides to everything. Most people can only see two. The third side holds all the answers. It is the other side. To see the other side is to both rise above and sink below the other two. This is the solution to and freedom from the other two sides. Here you will find sanctuary.

  22. avatar
    evilren | 15 June 2011 at 12:26 pm #

    at a loss for words. kick ass.

  23. avatar
    Lady Di | 15 June 2011 at 1:24 pm #

    Food for thought.

  24. avatar
    captain mission | 15 June 2011 at 8:13 pm #

    wow, it’s like a bad acid trip, with glimpses of the profound. jesus it’s been a challenging time for you steve, no quaint white cottage and white picket fence experience, but you travelled where few dare and you return with gifts and wisdom and share it with those who listen. and you have an enemy who is kinda spiteful and boring. i never noticed him before, has he been here long?
    the writing is indeed brilliant, uniquely yours, i hope one day you consider a novel although the blog could be put together as some sort of narrative experiment.

  25. avatar
    Once | 16 June 2011 at 2:35 am #

    “the clarity
    it has brought more murkiness …yes it has!
    the insight leaves you blind
    the sudden gush of discovery gives way to the long labour of regret”

    How perfect is this? Razor sharp and bang on.

    Thanks for this one, SK.

  26. avatar
    Once | 16 June 2011 at 10:59 am #


    Life is hard when
    The only thing you really want to know
    Is everything you cannot see…
    Like the birds I saw today
    Is it all food water and breeding,
    Or can they experience happiness?
    Do they rejoice at the end of their day?
    And if not, how do they keep surviving?
    Why am I human, and not a bird?
    Like what other people are thinking
    You project unto them and think you know
    And your skin crawls with humiliation and remorse
    Are they looking at you, and thinking
    The very same thing?
    Why don’t we ever talk about it?
    Like how to define time
    Between the hash marks on the clock
    What is happening in those seconds we can’t count?
    Are there entire universes being born, and dying
    In the time we call no time at all?
    Even Stephen Hawking our modern Einstein doesn’t know
    And the question that can never be answered,
    When our bodies no longer function and rot
    What happens to you and me?
    And who are we, out of context?
    Out of time, out of life
    Like the Earth, because planets have been
    Known to die, as everything dies
    Everything that once had life
    Gets death in return
    If I’d known ahead of time…
    Ah, but I would have been behind time then
    So once I never existed
    So one day I won’t exist again
    And if you miss me, you just aren’t dead yet
    That’s all it is, because it waits for all of us
    Death – the mighty equalizer!
    And I see so many people squander this life
    In so many ways to try to hold it fast
    As if power and money and sex
    Mean anything more than silly human validation
    You are not looking at the result of the equation
    In the end it goes away
    Everything goes away…
    I hope there are always birds though
    More so than humans because animals
    Just don’t worry about it
    They all just get on with it
    They don’t know about time
    Or how much time is left
    Oh God, tell me, why do we obsess?
    We all want to be
    Ahead of time
    We all want forever, however maligned
    Ahead of time
    So we can know
    Everything we cannot see
    Because we really don’t believe in
    Everything that could ever be.

    • avatar
      BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 16 June 2011 at 6:49 pm #

      Hey D-girl,
      That was some heavy stuff to consume, great but dark. When you write some dark material I always form an extra wrinkle. I ask myself, what prompts such an intelligent, articulate swan write some deep- lights out material. Than I remember the challenges laid out before you and the daily grind you endure to stay grounded, stay afloat. Wishing you always the best possible outcome to what is at hand…drop me an email and catch me up to speed on the lovely, mysterious life of D-girl. And stay the course, please take care of your self and please never forget that, though many a mile separates those who gather together, strength in numbers trumps existing alone.

      Darrin K.

  27. avatar
    Cocoamo | 16 June 2011 at 10:59 am #


    Your Friend in Pennsylvania

  28. avatar
    Lioness | 17 June 2011 at 1:27 pm #

    Okay, so I was thinking on the part about the “two worst deadly sins – anger and lust” and frowned, remembering it is the sin of PRIDE which is the most deadliest sin – it’s the reason why Lucifer was kicked out of heaven by God, Who then changed his name to Satan… anyways, then I noticed the first line “oh lioness do not forget your pride”, and I got a chill… wow

    Anyways, nice words (as always). And thanks. 😉

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