posted on June 16, 2008 at 10:01 pm

i’d like to admit to someone i dont know what im doing
i’d like to say that i feel lost
that i’m making it up as i go along
i dont like driving in this fog
i’m not a proper vegan
i’m not a proper singer or painter
i’m not a proper writer or father
i’m not a proper englishman or aussie
i’m just some sorta impostor
(im not a proper impostor)
over n underwhelmed
frustrated with maya
holding on by the thin skin of my tooth
hoping for the best
but really
expecting the worst
broken or burst
i cant get anything to happen
my spells my charms my thaumaturgic works
all but nothing
i seem to want something i cant get
i seem to get something i cant want
i
i
i
i am self obsessed
as you would be obsessed with a tiny agony
i think about myself
as you would think about ruins
i write because i can
because a never ending stream of words will fill my mind
like leaves swirling down from shaken winter trees
like coins thrown from a ship sinking into the lightless depths
like whispers in a war memorial
sibilant and harsh
like the dust from my pastels
colourful pretty temporary patterns
swept up in a minute and gone
swept up in the minute that lasted and lasted
creative yet cretaceous
i throw words around like nobodys business
and it thus remains
nobodys business
im only early cos theres no where else to go
dont do me the disservice of pity
we are imperfect
yet we strive for a perfection implied by faster masters than us
striving in all directions
meagre resources (read re-sources)
hey it feels good to say all of this
hey i can do anything here
hey i can say that one and one equals i dunno
i can say deface my photograph
i can say that im not sure
that i’m even sure what sure means
like a sure fire thing
or a fire under the sea
the blam blamming waves that destroyed the metal fence
am i the time being or a clever counter fit
get paid in confederate dollars n fools gold
an octo-spider
scuttling through space spinning my yarn
what is this?
no cheer ups required
i loathe them
abracadabra
there
im reset…
next!

35 Responses to “origin of the specious”

  1. avatar
    kat | 16 June 2008 at 11:13 pm #

    i know what you mean about the overflow of endless words..

    and scuttling too,

    a bleh monday here..

    <3

  2. avatar
    princey | 16 June 2008 at 11:27 pm #

    Ok, no “how-to-stay-happy” advice today sk…..so when are you coming down south again? Will you tell us Melby fiendss where this mystery gig is happening in a couple of weeks?….didn’t think so. πŸ™
    Catch ya tomorrow then.
    love amanda

  3. avatar
    Leelinau | 16 June 2008 at 11:30 pm #

    Apparently the Danes are the happiest people on earth ….

    because they are content with what IS.

    imagine that?

    ^_^

  4. avatar
    Anonymous | 16 June 2008 at 11:52 pm #

    sk?..everybody knows that 1+1=5oranges,if the 1’s yer talking about is each a bowl of 2 n a half oranges…or is that just not common knowledge these days. ;/ πŸ™‚ good morning oscar la wilde groucho marks.no cheer here!just a fekken raspberry!;/ πŸ˜€

  5. avatar
    Richard | 17 June 2008 at 12:17 am #

    sound like a little case of imposter syndrome – google it

    I have it in spades

    the niggling feeling that one day I’ll be exposed as the ordinary father/husband/lawyer/carpenter/person I ‘know’ I am

    it’s like walking around knowing you’re wearing the emporer’s new clothes and waiting for the penny to drop with everyone else

    and the biggest pisser with imposter syndrome are all the pricks out there that don’t have it but should

  6. avatar
    Anonymous | 17 June 2008 at 12:27 am #

    its called humanity

  7. avatar
    the dean | 17 June 2008 at 12:51 am #

    With age comes uncertainty.

    Oh, for the certainty of youth.

    We knew it all.

  8. avatar
    heather | 17 June 2008 at 3:22 am #

    I have to book a flight to the Tiwi Islands for work for friday and all the charter airlines are busy; except for SK Enterprises!!!

    never hard of em before; it’s almost as if it was conjured….
    (erskine?0

    but I’m looking forward to it!..I can just imagine you doffing your pilots cap as we board; epualettes glinting in the sun; enigmatic smile as you push the throttle forward and we take off into the yonder…

    xx

  9. avatar
    Anonymous | 17 June 2008 at 4:26 am #

    “one day” means never.”maybe”means no…if in doubt,the answer is NO.

  10. avatar
    Anonymous | 17 June 2008 at 6:13 am #

    I know I risk a verbal backhander from our author (or indeed any of the constituants of this blog territory) but I like to say stuff sometimes….

    Look, Killer, you do go on about how you are not a proper painter etc. I’ve looked at your work previously and have never made any comment. I’ve just looked at whatever that link was to Ohio and will say that I think your technique has caught up with your subject matter…like, a lot. There is a completeness, a finishedness to some of these pieces that seems so much more pronounced. They have been executed by almost a different hand. I don’t do compliments so much, but, ummmm…well done on a couple of those self portraits, you are really starting to come into a new period with this stuff, best so far.

    Why do you not show in Sydney?

    B.Bon

  11. avatar
    craig1.618 | 17 June 2008 at 6:35 am #

    i read an article earlier today and although it’s been said many times before

    one particular sentence echoed over and over again

    “We are a dream within the mind of the Creator”

    i can only speak for myself ya know

    but it makes sense to me

    a sad yet beautiful dream………….perhaps

  12. avatar
    Melby Symon | 17 June 2008 at 7:33 am #

    Now now sk…none of this mystery Melby gig nonsense….can’t princey, matt d, mel, myself and other Melby fieends come along…pleeeeeaaaasssseee.

    I want you to find your very expensive prescription glasses..surely they have lost and found in sydney taxi companies. I hate it when things like that happen…to me or you or anyone !

  13. avatar
    eek | 17 June 2008 at 8:56 am #

    Today’s blog felt very familiar to me. I have always struggled with feeling I don’t know what I’m doing and often when I’m asked what I think about something I think “why ask me? I haven’t a clue.” It can be panic inducing and paralysing sometimes. Other times I’m able to quickly think “well why the hell not me?”, blunder on (often managing to do ok), and not become quite so consumed by doubt. It’s exhausting though.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    For those who missed it in yesterday’s comments, here is a link to a photo tour with audio clips of SK’s exhibition of paintings in Yellow Springs, Ohio. Many thanks to fipster (of the Church Discography website fame) for this.

    Steve Kilbey art exhibit photo tour

    The exhibit is even better in person, so you should go see it. πŸ™‚
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    B.Bon — re: your question — that just may happen. πŸ™‚

  14. avatar
    Anonymous | 17 June 2008 at 10:14 am #

    I knew y’wouldn’t have the focus to continue ya lifestory, Kilbo!

  15. avatar
    big cock, tiny ballsack | 17 June 2008 at 10:22 am #

    You loathe cheer ups? Ok, stew in in then! Seriously though, that’s the only way to get through it – nothing will cheer you up, you’ve just got to endure the cloud til it lifts. Which it will.

  16. avatar
    Anonymous | 17 June 2008 at 10:46 am #

    nope.enough’s enough.n these words you write are dangled carrots n bullshit.

  17. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 17 June 2008 at 11:19 am #

    i heard somebody say once that the dreams of youth become the regrets of maturity…
    yeah, well, shit happens doesn’t it…suppose i could of been born in some shithole dustbowl somewhere with not enough to eat and machine guns and army tanks being part of the day’s entertainement…
    always someone worse off…
    love always…

  18. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 17 June 2008 at 11:20 am #

    entertainment, goddam it…what a dweeb…

  19. avatar
    fantasticandy | 17 June 2008 at 11:48 am #

    i’m having a crappy day….
    some sarcastic sod has really pissed me off!

  20. avatar
    esne snoner | 17 June 2008 at 12:24 pm #

    flock man sounds like you ain’t listening to enough music at the moment – that which sustains us all and is the absolute instant fix for them dole-drums

  21. avatar
    Anonymous | 17 June 2008 at 12:28 pm #

    Can I just say that I didn’t make the Anon. 8.46 comment? Thank-you.

  22. avatar
    Ross B | 17 June 2008 at 12:33 pm #

    here, i’ve been readin anais nin diaries and recently came across a quote i really liked, it’s stuck with me since ~

    I may be basically good, human, loving, but I am also more than that, imaginatively dual, complex, an illusionist.

    she’s a bit of an alright, anais, love her stuff man.

    sometimes β€˜it’s really not about anything, we just do our best to live and love given any situation circumstance or whatever it is we’re landed with

    sage words from a book or re-source are merely that, they may be inspiring or useful, entertaining even; nothing else needs to be read into the specious, or was intended to be (ie no expectations whatsoever)

    it’s a difficult existence out there, we can only be our true human selves and just get on with it, with all our follies and foibles, as best we can

    saluti! rb

  23. avatar
    Anonymous | 17 June 2008 at 12:54 pm #

    good one killer…cover yer arse….god knows what yud be up for if anyone actually knew the selfish acts of deception you really had been up to…n gee…karma lost yer glasses huh?reckon it may have anythng to do with using up n abusing n lying about a blind lady?..haha,oh no…coz we’re holier than thou.go on then…play philosopher…it doesnt make your real world any more decent…its not decent ,what youve done,n continue to do.n ye expect loyalty..well,ye had it…n ye had the compliance,n ye had the assistance…NOT ANY MORE .

  24. avatar
    i am not anon 10.54 | 17 June 2008 at 1:34 pm #

    Who the fuck is that at 10.54? I’ve posted earlier anons today and the above is NOT from me. There was similar shit-talking at the end of last year, I recall. Guess the anon. option will be removed again if this twot carries on so I’ll not be able to post for much longer – ah well, a price worth paying if it keeps the unhinged away.

  25. avatar
    veleska1970 | 17 June 2008 at 1:59 pm #

    uncertainty is quite the bitch. it’s been following me around most of my life. i’m always wondering if the grass is greener on the other side, but then hesitate to go there because then i wonder if the grass is greener where i am now.

    you just never know.

    lotza love…..

  26. avatar
    restaurant mark | 17 June 2008 at 2:31 pm #

    “i’d like to admit to someone i dont know what im doing”
    that’s it right there…i don’t have a clue either. every time i feel i do and get cocky about it…life or someone quickly changes my mind. a nice karmic slap in the face. my wife’s saying is, “you’ve been karmalized!”
    whether it’s being a musician, my job, or more importantly being a husband, and father…half the time i feel like i’m just elbowing my way through it all…no real knowledge. but hey, what do i know…i prefaced with i don’t have a clue. maybe i am great???

    take care everyone
    mark

    oh, by the way…who’s the nasty little prick at anon 10:54? and what’s his problem? noticed a couple of snippy comments yesterday…but that one’s a little uncalled for, right?

  27. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 17 June 2008 at 2:39 pm #

    A very earnest, literate and salient blog replete with pathos and a bit of hope.

    Mystery Melbourne gig will give The Church a lift, I predict.

  28. avatar
    lily was here | 17 June 2008 at 2:41 pm #

    Well i damn well do want to cheer you up! πŸ™‚ But i doubt I could because you have to conjure it up, its inside our head. I’ve learnt that in bucketloads this past year, real happiness is our own making, no-one else can gift it to you. A huge grin works for me, tho’ I feel utterly ridiculous if im by myself. And in public people kinda look at you weirdly like youre on something πŸ™‚ I cant live without laughter or music either, just cant. I’ll bet youre missing your girls too.
    love x

    ps you might have to get one of those cheap sets of glasses from the chemist to tide you by? They work pretty well though you might look a bit Edna like!

  29. avatar
    Cee | 17 June 2008 at 3:11 pm #

    I think a weekend hiking with your brother(s) is in order, oh wait, the weather is crap at the moment, right? Never mind.

    PS: Great photos flipster and thanks for posting the link Eekie!

  30. avatar
    ScaughtFive | 17 June 2008 at 3:15 pm #

    Only you think yer an imposter. To me your the drude with the drum key to the word water spicket. Let go and let it flow…

  31. avatar
    CSTCoach | 17 June 2008 at 3:42 pm #

    “dont do me the disservice of pity”

    you’ll certainly get no pity from me. only simple, honest admiration for continuing to put it out there, continuing to stay true to your muse, no matter how futile that might feel.

  32. avatar
    Noah | 17 June 2008 at 5:20 pm #

    SK,

    Regarding your lost glasses: I just got 3 pairs of Rx glasses online for $105 US Dollars and I’m very happy with them. What a deal. There are a few good discount online places, but I used these guys:
    http://www.eyebuydirect.com/

    Hope it helps.
    Noah

  33. avatar
    davem | 17 June 2008 at 7:43 pm #

    Hope it helps you to know how loved you are.
    And as for not a proper singer? My arse….Mr Humphries. You have THE voice. Velvet.

  34. avatar
    knot | 17 June 2008 at 7:52 pm #

    There is that Mr. Humphries yet again.

    Have some roses from my garden, wear them in your hair. They could form a halo.

  35. avatar
    Anonymous | 18 June 2008 at 3:48 am #

    very special olympics indeed,china plate!…..FREE TIBET!!


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