posted on June 22, 2012 at 10:45 pm

local colourful identity

ha ha bib pectins back like he never wennaway

cor blimey i’m such a likely lad eh what you betcha little lovely

someone asked me to reminisce th’other night

some top notch awards ceremony in a (scout)hall in broads head

my fave aussie moments in rocknroll c’mon bib please be a rack on tour for us

well christ lemme think i says between champers

and vegi-sushi nibbles with that fucken sauce i don’t like…

i turned to me manager banga pearson who once worked for chuggy himself

i told you not to ever have this stuff served at my gigs

but bib-0 says banga

this aint your fuckin’ gig me old sunny jim jam wham bam thank you ma’am

get on with the story bib you turkey or i’ll dim your bloody sim for ya!

can’t remember what i was saying banga when you interrupted me…

about your fave aussie rock moments in your ill-ustrious careering…

oh yeah well one would have to be johnny hooch and the young new stars

the young new stars were anything but young or new or stars

such is the power of the media

chicks flocked to these mock turtles like yabbies towards a bit of meat

johnny hooch that wasn’t even his real name…

fuck i wish i’d thought of that instead of being bib pectin

or even johnny pectin has a bit of wallop ya know what i mean

although bib hooch is quite a fine moniker too for a refined avuncular wild yet mild man

a swooning crooner who wears the crown

among the cabaret clowns who drown in maudlin towns

anyway johnny friggin’ hooch and the the new young ding dongs

are like in this hotel man down in the east lake airport strip

some hot night they just did a fuckin’ gig and pulled a thousand people

and some bastard ran away with the door

the whole door for the whole night

and hoochie bring some you know ha ha senoritas back to room 113

and he no called hooch for nothing you know what i really mean here

some other idiot gotta speargun

in johnnys room the champagne has been flowing and flown

strewn clothes carelessly adorn the dawning

man i shoulda been floored just by the beer

and whatever was that christmas cheer hooch picked up here

before he flew there where he had a pair of sold out blocks

the first señorita

you see she’s lapping up fames big lie ha ha like a cat yes yes

oh johnny i love your music so much blah blah ha ha ha

oh yeah which song you like best little stranger?

oh i dunno there names johnny i just love the way the feel to me

which is good for you johnnie cos i wanna be good to you too

in those days i used to open for hooch strange as it may seem now

i used to go up to his room

he always had the best fucking room in the joint

and vice versa naturally seeing he was the hooch man himself right

his big number one hit written by boswell scallywag and tob bobbin

banga what was that called…. that one….?

i call you zephyr cause you blow?

nah banga not that one the one about the scrubber in the flat

that really romantic one…?

fuck that was a great song what was it called…..?

recorded by dennis menagerie wasn’t it at nausea studios …?

you mean the old rex vomit place in new oldham….?

not the place wrinkled carrot made hedgehog….?

mate wrinkled carrot didn’t even play on hedgehog that was the old new young stars

but who played the solo on my girl rat?

that was tiggy moss-gosse from fearsome waterfowl

really i never knew tiggy could play like that ….

but what about johnny hooch and the lads…back at the hote-ie…?

yeah a guy turned up was actually mr asias dad mr asia snr

opiated hash carved into replicas of buddha man heavy as your heart

hooch and mr asia snr get totally ripped on the products at hand

hooch smoked almost a whole sid-arthur before he stopped

then mr asia snr says now where iss my munny hooch…?

but says hooch i didn’t get paid at the gig sir i got fleeced as you might say…

things turn nasty

one of the roadies of the flamboyantly dull knocks over the aquarium

shorts out the lights and everyones in the dark

the guy with the speargun fires into the darkness

as the cops bust down the door and a news elly-coptah ‘overs hoverhead

and the guy who signed em to tepid records rolls up with a fucking cheque for a hundred grand

bullshit. he also had a nuff coke-ayne to last a legion of actors and footy stars a leap year

and the models and playboy bunny who was the premiers mistress sister to manny gambini at the cross

he had vatty-kin ties dyed with that lot who whip emselves through the streets of meddy-evil movies

johnny hooch was also a 13th dan jing jing-u master

i saw him take on a senior girls hockey side with ‘is guitar still ‘anging off ‘im

plus the cops were on the take from mr asia snr

it was give n take actually

and hooches twin brother gerald at that moment showed up

he was a senator in some bi election

fuck!

yes!

what happened then?

what?

what bloody happened then?

?

oh well

send five euros to pectin@you’avemunny.org.ie

and i might tell ya what happened next…if yer lucky….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

45 Responses to “bib pectins fave moments in aussie rock history”

  1. avatar
    BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 22 June 2012 at 11:51 pm #

    Peaceful Pic !!!

    Have a Great Weekend !!!

    Daz

  2. avatar
    colette | 22 June 2012 at 11:56 pm #

    tas been a while

  3. avatar
    Steven Krut | 23 June 2012 at 2:55 am #

    I’m not sure what to make of that package tour with Simple Minds and Devo. It’s basically a nostaglia tour, it appears. I hate seeing you guys get third billing behind two bands that are a spent force. In terms of creativity and reputation, The Church dwarfs those two other bands, but I guess commercial realities are a different matter. I hope you make good money from the tour.

    I really enjoyed DEVO in the early ‘8os. Their first few albums were wonderfully subversive and their TV appearances were fun, even if they were basically repackaged Kraftwerk for the American market. They were kind of a novelty act, though, and got stale.

    Even the best of Simple Minds’ music hasn’t aged that well, IMO. It’s very much stuck in the ’80s. Much the The Church’s ’80s music sounds stuck in the ’80s to my ear (the good ’80s), but from Starfish onward it became timeless. You really can’t pin it to any decade or period. Simple Minds never reached that timeless plateau with their music. They’re forever a product of 1980s fashions and tastes.

    • avatar
      thetimebeing | 23 June 2012 at 12:51 pm #

      krut. i’m with you!

    • avatar
      andy | 23 June 2012 at 8:03 pm #

      krutster!
      you beat me to it…..
      your’e SO right, it’s a fuckin’ disgrace….but on home ground too?
      a most disgruntled andy.

      by the way….’faith healer’ vid is top-notch!

    • avatar
      Steven Krut | 24 June 2012 at 4:38 am #

      And yet… perhaps it’s best to embrace the positive and the potential. Here’s an opportunity to play for much larger crowds of similar-minded music fans. On the way up, isn’t that how it works? You tour with more popular bands and win converts? Thirty years on I guess you’ve got to play with other thirty year old bands to do the same thing. There’s no escaping the reality that all The Church’s hits were over 20 years ago. I just checked on allmusic.com and both DEVO and Simple Minds have put out fresh albums in recent years that got good reviews. So they are at least trying to be relevant and not simply cashing in on the past. They’re not still doing their best work, like The Church are, but The Church are a rare and special phenomenon.

      Thanks for the compliment on my video, Andy!

      • avatar
        BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 24 June 2012 at 3:24 pm #

        Other SK…
        Can u share a link for the vid if possible, I would like to check it out…

        Daz

      • avatar
        andy | 25 June 2012 at 5:49 am #

        well deserved mate!
        that old footage along with the music…..the editing was fab.
        if you ever wanna do one for us………

      • avatar
        Steven Krut | 25 June 2012 at 10:20 am #

        Steve’s and The Church’s songs create such vivid images in my mind. It’s fun to try to translate them into actual images.

    • avatar
      eekie | 24 June 2012 at 7:42 am #

      I’m not wild about the lineup, but that’s ok because I’m not going to see it anyway. I am thrilled they are touring at all. And I figure this tour could be good for gaining some new fans, reconnecting with lapsed fans, and having a decent payday without nearly as much stress as comes with arranging their own tour. Then they can tour here reasonably soon with the best format (the church with no support band) for the really important audience — ME!!!!

  4. avatar
    vinnie | 23 June 2012 at 5:43 am #

    yeaaah!

    bib’s back & apparently more than ready to catch the surphhh 😉

    anything else goes without saying, i’d say

    cheers mate!
    luv’ as always,
    vinnie

  5. Kraig
    Kraig | 23 June 2012 at 8:59 am #

    Nice view and pic!

  6. avatar
    eekie | 23 June 2012 at 9:01 am #

    It’s a tough gig, but somebody’s gotta do it!

  7. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 June 2012 at 1:03 pm #

    Very cool pic on a Bondi winters day.

    The Church should be headlining the Summer concerts. Saw Simple Minds years ago, really liked them then. Devo can’t get the video clip out of my mind now. We want all the behind the scenes goss on this one.

    Have a happy sunny Bondi weekend.

    Peace & love
    Therese

  8. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 23 June 2012 at 2:04 pm #

    I would have killed to see the Church and the Pretenders tour. Chrissie Hynde and Steve Kilbey. Two brilliant (Hall of Fame) vocalists who do not appreciate the carnivores and destroyers of this planet who decimate and massacre God’s Earth. It’s not our Earth. The Earth is our host organism and we ravage it like demons ! I lament and self-destruct in pity for it !

  9. avatar
    colette | 23 June 2012 at 2:06 pm #

    Mr Bean Apple Isle Patrick White Bea Miles Arthur Daley Hustler Bill Peach Zephyra La Senza Sensybella La Zephyr Molly Gigi Rupert Friend et al

  10. avatar
    bigbopper | 23 June 2012 at 3:21 pm #

    Scathing with wit. Your forte my friend. Bellissimo

    the bopper

  11. avatar
    Chris | 23 June 2012 at 6:15 pm #

    Who coined the phrase: ‘Sex, drugs and Rock & Roll’….

  12. avatar
    BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 24 June 2012 at 2:53 am #

    Hey Bib !!!

    How are sales goin on the ‘self help’ DVD ‘s ???

    I purchased the boxset. I was takn aback by the title…’Everyone Sucks But Me’ …
    but I totally understand that we are so below even your shadow that its a blessing to even
    learn any trade secrets of success from you. I just finished the initial DVD…and all I can say is …
    Brilliant !!!
    You have topped even your prior boxset from just last year, ‘If It’s Broke, You Did It – Turkey !!!’
    I truly marveled at your take on finding religious spirituality….’I’m A God, Your Not’ ….you helped all
    of us understand our role in your universe, we have none .

    Thanks again,

    Daz

  13. avatar
    bionicanna | 24 June 2012 at 3:21 am #

    you are hilarious. hope the tour hits atlanta.

  14. avatar
    Lady Di | 24 June 2012 at 2:40 pm #

    I’d sit through the wiggles and the cast of the sound of music to see the church!

  15. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 June 2012 at 8:28 pm #

    I think the other bands will be a bit worried to go on after the church…. kinda like when Nick Cave was standing off- stage at ATP watching Spiritualized….he knew he wasn’t that good.

    • avatar
      david b-n-z | 25 June 2012 at 3:00 am #

      …..more like terrified…………

  16. avatar
    Bernadette Keys | 24 June 2012 at 8:30 pm #

    whoops forgot to put my name on Nick Cave post!

  17. avatar
    Elvis | 24 June 2012 at 11:12 pm #

    I’d LOooooove to see this concert! The Church, Simple Minds, and Devo are the PERFECT venue….can’t wait!?

  18. avatar
    narelle | 25 June 2012 at 1:41 am #

    very funny blog Steve…a vague reminder of the furry freak brothers..but with much better dialogue
    ‘hash carved into replicas of buddha’ really…greedy bastards!!!
    well what happens next…maybe hooch is horizontal…in a shallow grave
    or, he’s had to repay his debt with a rather hasty sale of his secret stash of buddha sticks
    gotta keep the boss happy!

  19. avatar
    david b-n-z | 25 June 2012 at 2:55 am #

    “….they took from him ,or the earth ..the ability to hear or to sing, a prison with walled in punishment..deemed too beautiful…this clipped winged gull, the silent sea, near madness released…now listen…….listen…shhh….”

  20. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 June 2012 at 11:22 am #

    U think devo will pull their old stage moves – the ones beck stole in the early 90s? But Steven fess up now: u know u used 2 luv new gold dream as much as u did the furs!

  21. avatar
    Linjo | 25 June 2012 at 12:31 pm #

    you are hilarious Guvna!x

  22. avatar
    rust proof | 25 June 2012 at 10:40 pm #

    everybody knows the story about rust never sleeps, everybody knows this is nowhere

  23. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 June 2012 at 11:46 pm #

    Ok, but is the 1st Furs lp better than Talk Talk Talk? I say yes.

    • avatar
      thetimebeing | 26 June 2012 at 8:10 am #

      yes!

      • avatar
        colette | 26 June 2012 at 9:42 am #

        May I seek sanctuary back here, please? I’ve just been made administrator of a group without being asked. I don’t know what to think. I was going to refute the Talk Talk/Psychedelic Furs comments but decided to not. Now it seems relatively innocuous to say I think they’re both good. Love voice in Furs, love piano in Talk Talk although ultimately the piano in Talk Talk for me overrides the voice in Furs. But apparently comparisons stink. Anyway… the word admin makes me nervous, except if I’m being paid for it. What a dreadful person I am but that’s the truth.

        • avatar
          Anonymous | 26 June 2012 at 7:18 pm #

          No, Miss Ette, not that band Talk Talk – the 2nd Furs lp, Talk Talk Talk! it’s always held up as their best (probli cos the UK music press shat themselves over it) – but Steve’s right: 1st lp is much better. Funnily enough, Talk Talk Talk sleeve was on the floor in some early photo of the Church!

          • avatar
            colette | 26 June 2012 at 10:08 pm #

            I see and thanks for clarafication… you see I really don’t think I have the precise in depth knowledge of the nitty gritty of pop for the role of administrator. Well, possibly with dubious connections with Anonymous, my knowledge may increase?

  24. avatar
    Once | 26 June 2012 at 6:56 am #

    God! Bib makes me want to vomit! Much as I love music, thank the Lord that I never became a star!

    Had only one “backstage” experience in my life – it was your band, probably ’bout mid-90’s, right after P=A came out…everyone was wasted (including me)…you couldn’t focus on anything, Marty was rocking in a recliner singing, “I’m Only Sleeping”, Jay-Dee invited me on the bus (I did a shot and bolted – yuck!)…only PK was a gentleman. Such an otherworldly human, he is…

    Yeah, it’s all glamorous…depends on your definition of glamour, I guess. Back then, I really was thrilled…wouldn’t trade it…thank ya for it…

    But Bib still makes me wanna puke…

    😉

    • avatar
      Once | 26 June 2012 at 7:09 am #

      …which is a testament to your effectiveness a writer, cuz puking over someone fictional is but a huge compliment…

  25. avatar
    Crasher | 26 June 2012 at 12:49 pm #

    ran into your old head roadie a few weeks ago ago.
    sinclair (sinsie) miller.
    he gave a new meaning to his chosen vocation. a rather pedestrian effort from me put him in the orthopaedic ward.
    he wasn’t amused by the old “fancy bumping into you” line.
    consumed by my culpability(and impeding lawsuit), i visited him at the austin hospital..weird, coz that’s what i was driving when mechanical intercourse occurred. no silly, i wasn’t driving a hospital….
    i asked him about his time with that enigmatic coodabeen bib pectin..
    you ever had a full metal bedpan thrown at you ?
    it gave a new interpretation to the term “hanging shit” on someone.
    i’m now counter suing him

  26. avatar
    Crasher | 26 June 2012 at 12:52 pm #

    Clarification, an impeding lawsuit is not a typo. I was alledgedly impeding Sinsie, who was alledgedly chasing a chicken across the road at the time.
    My defence was that it was in fact a duck.

  27. avatar
    hellbound heart | 30 June 2012 at 8:48 pm #

    I hope the church/simple minds/devo tour gains you guys a whole lot of new devotees
    <3


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