posted on June 1, 2011 at 1:53 pm

synaptic underload

my encyclopaedic mind has more than a few pages missing

my memory is faulty all mixed up with my imagination

embellishment and deterioration

incentive and motivation

i am not quite across everything

i dont understand most of this…do you?

i woke up this morning i was some old man

adrift in a future arriving too soon

the kids are bending my language out of shape

the subtlety and finesse withered in neglect

i access the mainframe via my i-head

i dont know how i lived  without it

funny isnt it

my thoughts exactly

i wonder if i shouldve waited though

things change pretty quickly now

cutting edge in jan

obsolete in jun

my conscience is clear

the guilt all deleted

i transferred some feelings into national credits

i feel i function more authentically without real feeling

i chased up an old flame from high school

only to realise it was i was having a virtual affair with her avatar

the woman had been dead quite some time

but the programme still running on her page

answering questions gossiping flirting pretending to be alive

her son called me and gave me the bad news

funnily enough we both live in the same gate-com

he asked me about the code for the new micro-dish

he said this is strictly offline my mother is dead

he said do you know the code for the new micro-dish?

over the frame he sounded just like anyone

some monitor altered  frequencies for  more pleasant experience

some filter extended a feeling of warmth

some satellite beamed it back from the star

we had harnessed the deep black propensity of space

out there my money my doctor my information

i felt like pornography and there on the screen

a naked woman with a trident has “captured” a man

i flick through her stats becoming aroused

the numbers appeal to a dark side of me

shes only lost twice

her execution is sublime

her breasts all scarred by uni-corn

her perfect black teeth like a smile of night

one might think death embarrasses her

she looks like an angel as she comes and they go

i guess thats the paradox pulling me in

i get myself off  with a guided vision sequence

e-cupid delivered assisted and primed

my mechanical copy will have to suffice

i cant afford the luxury of sex and violence

its one or the other…. my portal cant do both

that garden i ordered has used up the screen

the flowers hurt my eyes with their colour

and the smell is all wrong i thought i ordered salty….?

nobody mentioned the afterstain of floristshop when i got it

or all of the seeds youre sposed to upload

still its comforting to see the purple vines bloom

and the roses eat flies

because what is man without nature


what indeed?




25 Responses to “pin or sign”

  1. avatar
    david | 1 June 2011 at 3:11 pm #

    ..i always use this site to launch a new page so i can ask the google god a question ….i always forget the question…

  2. avatar
    Anonymous | 1 June 2011 at 3:17 pm #

    without nature? just a computer screen – so sad, then you wonder how far til disaster. I’m going to have to look under my bed before I climb in tonight.

  3. avatar
    Ess | 1 June 2011 at 4:53 pm #

    some days i’m not so sure if i’m in one of those intervals
    if it’s my past reeling back to integrate with my now
    or if i am getting old (er…) and lazy and living through the ancient and resting on made mistakes already made
    it’s not that i’m not living, not that i’m just existing
    and use is made of the unspeakable old when it remembers in my name
    but in this second, or twenty-second, sector of life
    i’m tired of recollections that want
    reworking in a narrative that no longer belongs
    and i keep choosing the wrong books from my storage each time
    and i’ve tried the extraordinary and it just becomes ordinary
    and i’ve waded into the ordinary and, well, it is pretty ordinary
    and the middle road was boring, the higher path a slippery slope, the lower an uphill battle, too much caring took its toll, too much sharing left me a hole
    i was born into an argument and i know i don’t want a fight
    and when the shock jocks want their sensation i’m screening their calls
    sometimes i’m on the highwire, struck by all my vertigo
    and its not all sweetness and lavender or beige coloured cardigans
    and maybe i’m just scared of what may lie ahead
    and i guess i’m planting seedlings and the germs will one day speak
    and it helps to have daily pages that sometimes talk back
    transmitted on ethereal sheet that’s not always my own, and is often, like today, more than a little deranged
    and i should try to stick around in this strange underground
    without the words of that sweet strummer still wandering my head
    when i wake in the morning i know you will be gone, he said
    i’m sorry i ran away
    but you probably don’t remember anyway if you are out there anyhow
    and the moments came and the moments were always spent

  4. avatar
    Guitarbarella Manestar | 1 June 2011 at 6:12 pm #

    Without nature…. Silently Running.

  5. avatar
    . | 1 June 2011 at 9:42 pm #

    and time lurches on without the slightest regret
    pulling us in and spitting us out
    computer code cut and pasted from the earth wide web
    modern day scriptures to fill our weary heads
    a newer testament from the living and the dead
    visual images captured in blue, green and red
    shall we fully embrace it or do we just pretend
    to follow the traditions of those generations,
    passed and buried in the vaults of ancient sand?
    carry their dust with you, but make your own bed
    for the beauty inside of you must needs be shed
    and written for others who share in this quest
    to find that one answer to this big ‘ol mess
    so the living can hear you and so can the dead
    one big mega computer processing without end
    connecting travelers, strangers, and long lost friends

  6. avatar
    Karen | 1 June 2011 at 9:44 pm #

    That made me want to throw a rock at the screen & run screaming into a forest and smell stuff…well.. nearly..
    Im to a DICK ted to do that 🙁 anyways I sorta get it
    I think?

  7. avatar
    BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 2 June 2011 at 1:14 am #

    We are all TO connected to this inner-space-digital-existence. All zeros and ones floating, connecting, reconnecting , disconnecting.
    The ONE who pulls the plug, holds the plug. Everything we can and must do is derived from this alter-universe. Yes, you can be anyone you want to be. But someone else can easily be you. Organic is a word lost in historical recreation. We, as living beings, could never survive such a ‘glitch in the system’. We, unfortunately, are positioning ourselves closer to midnight on the ‘clock’ with every keystroke and error report. I miss writing a letter. Physical books and music are becoming obsolete- quicker than I imagined. Just digital transfers of this and that. Nothing truly exchanges hands any more. We greet and meet thru this screen. My children’s generation have lost touch with communication and the essence of being in one, another’s presence – feeling each others morale character-not digital code.

    Are we on to something, a true insight into our souls or are we closer to the definition of complacency.

    Almighty help us all…

    Darrin K.

    • avatar
      BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 2 June 2011 at 7:44 am #

      When we saw what we have done
      Will we be judged together or alone
      When we smile, have we become better men
      Will we laugh together or hear but only one
      When this world understands equality
      Will the women be gathered, and stand as one
      When all the sickness and ills of men are cured
      Will we create other ways to suffer
      When we discovered that we have all finally agreed
      Will society cease to exist, no opinions left to see
      When your lonely without us
      Will your love have mercy on me
      The lights go out.

      • avatar
        BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 2 June 2011 at 7:53 am #

        Sorry to all those I have offended, bothered, lost, or turned off. Sometimes man must stand far away, and alone, to realize what he has done …some of it can be forgiven, some of it remains forever, undone. Sorry, again to anyone who shared or cared and felt disconnected by me.

        Darrin K.

  8. avatar
    Cecilia | 2 June 2011 at 2:02 am #

    First run in the holodeck, eh?

  9. avatar
    Tanya | 2 June 2011 at 2:15 am #

    Strange world indeed, not really having to participate in life as it is, or as it was. Sometimes this ‘future’ is comforting; set up in such a way that you don’t have to physically reveal yourself or ever leave your house behind all the online correspondance, words, ruminations. Well, perfect for those who teeter on the brink of preferred isolation for peace, simplicity, safety, avoidance, elimination of complexities and chaos, a sort of self-inflicted exile. But losing tangibility with real, not avatar inspired nature? We all lose, even those who don’t understand it’s value. Artificiality destroys all we can imagine. Will the delete button soon delete the future?

  10. avatar
    SecondSightMusic | 2 June 2011 at 2:38 am #

    Without nature we are nothing…

  11. avatar
    verdelay | 2 June 2011 at 6:49 am #

    I have long since forsworn the quaint notion of episodic memory. I switched to the impressionistic variety back in the 90s. A far superior product. There’s no narrative any more, and nothing makes any sense at all; but all anxieties relating to ‘forgetting’ and ‘remembering’ have evaporated as these words no longer have any meaning, except in a museum. My sense of identity has consequently transmogrified and my former ego-superego-id construct lies rusting by the side of the highway, an abandoned vehicle. In its place is a sort of Nestorian collective, a loose confederation of hipsters who all share the same passport but answer to no-one. Events just slide on by, and we watch in astonished wonder as they thread us in and out of their weft and we become part of the fabric of our own lives.

    Speaking of which, I must thank you for the copy of “Snow Job” you sent me. Jay and Harry are enjoying it immensely. Grant remains the patron saint of hopeless romantics, of which I am one.

    Yours in song,

    • avatar
      lisa k | 4 June 2011 at 2:12 am #

      Hi Verdelay-
      I have read your stories that are accessed by this link, but is there a way to read other things you have written? I love your writing but don’t know where to find more of it. Thanks.

    • avatar
      Ess | 4 June 2011 at 12:50 pm #

      but verdelay what you wrote made narrative sense… and if I gave up all narrative sense and memory I would no longer be able to connect to the mundane but sometimes necessary world around me or to the people stuck within its punative systems. My severely brain injured friend has severely damaged episodic memory and he most often lives in a world of pain and confusion. I don’t want to go there. But you have obviously made something work for you. Interesting.

  12. avatar
    Steven Krut | 2 June 2011 at 6:56 am #

    I loved this one. “i-head”, ha-ha! I remember before there were computers and the Internet. Didn’t feel like anything was missing. I guess I didn’t notice how deprived I was not being able to find out any piece of info within a few seconds. And there were people in high school I was kind of looking forward to losing track of. Oh, well! 🙂

  13. avatar
    eekie | 2 June 2011 at 7:48 am #

    I enjoyed that…in kind of an “oh shit, we’re doomed” kinda way.

    I especially liked this line:
    “i feel i function more authentically without real feeling”

    I’ve known a few people like that.

  14. avatar
    Ess | 2 June 2011 at 11:50 am #

    I know I’m double dipping now but sometimes I react in time lapse from that place I can’t access and a familiar voice just came on digital radio as I walked into the room (thanks ABC for giving good airplay to the talent of Australian artist and feeding my serendipity) telling me that all of this won’t come to anything, and I think he might be right

    i strolled around that corner
    yes, yes, I know, i was warned not to go
    but you know i never dare to scat
    from the curiosity of my friend the cat
    so you know i found you in your squat
    with fingernails pickling like boiling pots
    come hither you hissed in your droll withering moan
    come tell me your woes and i’ll leave you alone
    and i tried to escape when you threw me that tentacle
    oh i tried to pretend but you made me your spectacle
    and then you brought in chained minstrels
    and i wept beneath your kestrals
    and i spluttered and i confessed and i gave you my favourite dress
    i gave you everything you desired but still i was derided
    then the plumage of the falcons turned from brown to grey to perfect white
    and the molluscs came with all their clade and the ants brought in the army
    and the felines fought with all their claws and the bandicoots burrowed through the walls
    and they took me on that solemn tome and bathed me in faint twilight
    and they said if i went there one more time they might not be up for a fight
    but i see you cerberus from the corners of all your eyes
    waiting patiently for the next time i expire

  15. avatar
    Pennybridge | 2 June 2011 at 3:04 pm #

    Surrealistic story …Are you sure ttb isn´t only another virtual flirt?
    Let´s hope you´re still alive in all levels; I´ll test some IRL-gossip: How are you´re oldest girls doing? Graduating soon?
    Hang in there and take care,

  16. avatar
    Shaun | 2 June 2011 at 3:24 pm #

    sin or pine

  17. avatar
    Wilfred Paradise | 2 June 2011 at 9:17 pm #

    steve, be glad you’re not a drone on an assembly line, so enjoy yourself, your best karmic work should be late 50s and 60s, so strap on your bass, take your music further, and then bring it back to all of us on the East Coast live, those songs (old and new) were meant to be sung, m’man. wilfred p

  18. avatar
    Cocoamo | 3 June 2011 at 3:03 am #

    Lovely post – funny, touching, sad, endearing. Ah, that it has come to this, eh? And after everything, your heart still reaches out. Glad you are not bitter and resolved to be alone (or as alone as you could ever be with all those girls!) This is the stuff that makes us feel so connected.

    Your Friend in Pennsylvania

  19. avatar
    hellbound heart | 3 June 2011 at 7:06 am #

    I sign……
    love always

  20. avatar
    Taurus Pedals | 3 June 2011 at 7:08 am #

    Harbinger! Some young suit in San Jose is writing some extensive notes right now. Great post Steve!

  21. avatar
    plumlady | 3 June 2011 at 1:24 pm #

    Sexy…very sexy

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