posted on August 2, 2008 at 9:43 pm

have been feeling wildly despondent i must confess
despite the most extraordinary subscriptions from lovely reeders
still need to get through august somehow
in september sometime some money will come
its not only all about money however
tho’ uncertainty w/ no dollars is a hard dish to swallow
ive been broke on my own. manytimes..i didnt mind
but broke + fambley is a bad combo
i am seeing how the other half lives i guess
tho i always try to bear in mind
that compared to 95% of ye olde worlde
the kilbee fambley is livin’ it large..
…clean drinking water and a roof etc
yeah september’ll save our neck again i guess
august and everything after…. i keep saying
funny i dislike that band but i like that title
scarlet kilbey is a full on fruity fruit cake
you have to see this one in action to believe it
trip-layer
guilt-inducer
whingey whiney wally
a real childstar with her beethoven hair
her hair is an aura of golden ringletted tangled curls
look im a grim olde geezer
i aint that interested in little girlies hairdos
but scarlet kilbey with her hair done up like a grreek goddess
and a clean face
she has the authority of some great opera singer
sometimes i put something schmaltzy on the ibox
up she jumps into my arms crooning in my ear her la la la
always perfectly in pitch
sing a line to a song to scarlet
there she goes……
and she picks up exactly in the same key
there she goes again
evie has a lovely husky voice too
she may be singing a emc track one day soon
but scarlet the woofle is la bombastica
god her pale blue eyes are like terry stamps
she stares right into yer soul sometimes
she is argumentative
she cant abide anybody hugging
because she owns everybody
and thus
her evie cant hug her daddy
and her mummy cant hug her aurora etc etc
things have to be just right or….
no thats it! she cant tolerate any mockery or hesitation
take her seriously or she may never work with you again
ooh she’d be a good standover man too
she gets up real close and she menaces
she bullies her mother all over the place
shes vocal and physical
she hurls things about
bloody hell
who was she in her last life i wonder…
the queen of bloody sheba?
tibor my $1000 $falcon wagon needed his brakes done
we were thru to the discs i know it
i had to make the rotten decision of getting em fixed now!
instead of waiting till sept
so i go up to my usual place
which is a big franchised group of mechanical repair boys
they good guys
they always fix it properly
but they just always hit you with too high a bill
in my head i said i cant pay anymore than five hunji
yet when i walked in
the guy had me figured for a seven hunji kinda guy
im sure if a druid walks in a suit n a beemer
the guy would figure him for a nine hunji kinda guy
and i’m sure if some real olde geezer hobbled in
this guy would probably hit him the real price
anyway
the conversation was something like this
i want me brakes done
aha!
how much?
well ah..
last time it was about 400
it was? looks it up on computer.(disappointed)…oh yeah
well uh….
probably gonna have ta do yer wheel bearings too
oh?
yeah you know when they get that brown powdery stuff on em?
oh…oh no…yes i know what you mean..(i hopelessly lie)
like theyre about a hundred bux a piece if you need em…
groan…oh yeah…i’m sure..but…
look i’ll have a look…if you need em i’ll do em, ok?
yeah ok…great…only if i need em
of course!
(i’m thinking of saying that olde thing
you know, show me the old parts when youre done
but i wouldnt know my own olde ball fucking bearings
from any olde bit of iron this geezer would show me)
have ya got ABS asks another overalled bloke there
whats ABS? i venture
the geezer on the computer catches his eye n then mine
we all know i’m gonna be paying $700 now
sho-enuff
he rings up in the afternoon
mistah kilbee? its jim from lube king
your car is ready sir
how much?
he reels off a lot of half muttered things i can hardly hear
systemizing the…
complete overhaul of the..forward….socket…cable
bracket…replaced …. gasket….rocker…..oil leek
flushed the …….ashtray…repositioned….repaired..
rust…bucket….dunder mifflin muffler…suspension
inspection….torque..brand new…special bing bangs
servicing the…..whisper…
and then a long sucking sigh as he works it all out
and gives me a generous regulars rebate…say….
seven hundred and ten dollars sir
aha
we all knew i’d be a seven hunji kinda guy
he just chucked the extra ten on so as not to seem impolite
or too presumptuous…
when i get there a nother bloke is manning the cash reg
i ruefully count out my exactly 710 bucks
geezer behind the reg says its 736 mate with blah blah n blah blah
they told me 710 on the phone i hear my smallest voice say
not expecting much
really? he says
he just jumps on the old computer
and changes the price of the bing bongs
from 76 bucks to 50 bucks
ha ha he laughs there you go
he prints out a new one
my invoice now reads 710 instead of 736
gee
and a cynical voice inside me says
yes thats how easy it all is
and no mention of wheel bearings anywhere neither
fuck they just make it all up…!
like anything i guess
like donald trump is charging 27 k to have dinner with him
how did he arrive at that figure?
can you imagine..
charging thousands of bucks to eat din dins with you
why not get em to pay for anything else
eg
a short walk in the park with trump: 55 k
talk to him while youre both having a whizz : 78.5 k
motioning to him while he drives off : 6 k per motion
having him sneer at you across a crowded conference room : 3 k
having him sneeze on you in an elevator : 300 bucks per droplet
watching him eat dinner through the glass while its snowing : 5 k
being evicted by him personally out of yer apt.: 54 k
being thoroughly fired and sexually harassed :43 k
being completely ignored : 24 k
figuring out his hairdo (see: money doesnt get you everything!) 5 k
ha ha ha
i should sell myself out
available for having dinner
starting at .01 k and you buy dinner
ha…ha
i must be dreamin’

lovekiller

35 Responses to “post 1046 /sunday sermon”

  1. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 August 2008 at 11:47 pm #

    just noticed your previous Post “occult Diary” has 13 comments

  2. avatar
    goliath | 3 August 2008 at 12:34 am #

    what a boring non-rock star life you lead. HA! going to get your brakes done…. You wouldnt see Bowie or Costello doing that! BTW, I’m also going broke…

    sincerely,

    Marty Willson-Piper

  3. avatar
    Anonymous | 3 August 2008 at 12:45 am #

    shows what you know, Costello did my brakes last week! (ba-dum)

    D. Bowie

  4. avatar
    lily was here | 3 August 2008 at 12:51 am #

    Oh hell, I know. Old things always cost more to fix than they cost to buy in the beginning. Claim it back on your tax: use of car for church central meetings, travel to rockstar gigs, interviews,rehearsals, studio transportation etc. Keep all ya dockets & a travel diary; or a good fudgin' memory ok! 🙂
    xxxx

  5. avatar
    Anonymous | 3 August 2008 at 12:55 am #

    Steve, It’s OK buddy… I know what its like to be forgotten. I was forgotten long ago too. But I think our day is coming back around again. Im positive people haven’t seen the last of us!!

    Sincerely,

    the year 1989

  6. avatar
    goliath | 3 August 2008 at 1:10 am #

    hey Bowie, are you looking for a guitarist for your next album or tour? I can also roadie if you dont need a band mate. I am a somewhat skilled player who can writes some killer lovey dovey tunes. My hair always looks great too. Let me know….

    Sincerely,

    Marty Willson-Piper

  7. avatar
    steve kilbey | 3 August 2008 at 1:10 am #

    oooh yoo crool devil!

  8. avatar
    princey | 3 August 2008 at 1:19 am #

    Hi sk, I had the same problem yesterday with the computer, it kept aborting my beloved TTB!!! so frustrating!!
    Sorry to hear you’re feeling a bit down sk, hope September will start the money rolling in again and in return get you down here to Melby for a gig or 2????? I’ve got a horrible feeling you won’t be coming down here for a long, long time…tell me this isnt so 🙁
    Little sk sounds like a gorgeous little brat, did I ever tell u she’d be a perfect match for my little Princey?????
    Have a luvly day mr.k,
    Amanda

  9. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 3 August 2008 at 1:29 am #

    …did ttb have a minor virus last night…kept kicking me out…710 bucks for brake replacement…sorry, my man, but i can tell you for a fact that you got well and truly ripped off…should have come and seen my other half and it would’ve been a freebie!!!
    love always….

  10. avatar
    Anonymous | 3 August 2008 at 1:34 am #

    these twisted fans of yours dont care about the music anymore. Its all about you and your voice and your words and you and your voice… Lets just get this over with already!!

    Sincerely,

    The new album

  11. avatar
    Anonymous | 3 August 2008 at 1:45 am #

    what do you think this band would sound like?

    Bass/Vocals – S. Kilbey
    Guitar/Vocals- Paul Stanley
    Drums – Neil Peart
    Lead Guitar-dude from wham!
    synth/keys/piano – the captain (of capt. and Tenniel)

  12. avatar
    Anonymous | 3 August 2008 at 2:11 am #

    Steve life can be tough, I know. I’m mixed up too. Half of me is pretty cool. However, the other half of me is a disjointed, hollow, lazy, pretentious, arrogant, misguided mess…..But you are who you are and you cant change that. KEEP ON ROCKIN’, AT CERTAIN POINTS, BIG GUY!!!!!

    sincerely,

    every single church album

  13. avatar
    Anonymous | 3 August 2008 at 2:22 am #

    ok sorry. Ill stopp now. Steve, your the greatest ever.

  14. avatar
    kat | 3 August 2008 at 2:57 am #

    who keeps kicking us off? uh, sk, abs means brakes, right? that light stays on in the taurus all the time. if it ever goes red, guess i am dead. i never even knew what a cam sensor was until they showed me the wasted one from the car after i got it. bro did my front brake pads thank god. so no labor $ there, except i was worried the piddly jack would bust with his head under there. i just had to buy him a 12 pack of beer in return 🙂

    carry on!

    p.s. donald trump could get the hair thing straightened out with all his dough. guess he doesn’t give a shit.

  15. avatar
    steve kilbey | 3 August 2008 at 3:53 am #

    oh dear
    seems we got ourselves an axegrinding idiot
    oh i hope they dont write something strange or nasty that scares me
    oh bother!

  16. avatar
    matt davison | 3 August 2008 at 4:44 am #

    Don’t worry SK the forces of nature will destroy all who attack the Mangey Panther…
    -there are lonely idiots who bully caus of fears and loathing, only to realise the soul they once had is a shadow of poor art. to be left on the shelf in a sad old ruin in a timeless space.

    Where as you my friend “will shine” in all your’e brilliance…way past your time here in this life.

    Your struggle with the dollars bothers me… I don’t have any money…but than I would do (1 -100th of what you do…Sept will help, and I spose I have a little to do with that (but, somewhere in the near future you will be rewarded..

    That I am sure of!!!

    MD

  17. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 3 August 2008 at 5:21 am #

    The world even in the west is in a major financial crisis. The worst time since I was hatched. The Olympics in evil China that supports the killing of pacifists in Tibet, Burma, Zimbabwe and Pakistan.

    On another note I still don’t understand why SK refuses to be inducted into the ARIAS.

    Andy and Edgar Froese look like brothers.

  18. avatar
    matt davison | 3 August 2008 at 5:27 am #

    btw ……. release (crash / ride )as a single in the US.. There’s about 400 grand… I think it would go #1

    Fuc its 2008 not 04??? 0408 ?? Manne i need help…wish it was 04 again

    md

    B E S I D E Y O U R S E L F
    2 0 0 4
    the best crunch alby!!!

  19. avatar
    Thomas Irvin | 3 August 2008 at 5:53 am #

    The instant price change at the auto repair shop reminds me of a story I read a few weeks ago about Calvin Klein. He grew up working at his father’s grocery store.

    He says, “I would see grapefruits in the fruit-and-vegetable department, and some of them were 29 cents a pound and others were 49 cents. I’d ask ‘What’s the difference between the two?’ My father said, ‘Some people like to pay 29 cents and some like to pay 49 cents.’ I thought, Hmmm.”

  20. avatar
    Anonymous | 3 August 2008 at 6:01 am #

    Hey! Ya got cool writting but mke it easier for making it easy for kids like me can read easily!
    But at least it is very cool!
    Even it is the first time reading your blog!

  21. avatar
    davem | 3 August 2008 at 6:02 am #

    I only drive an old banger and I’m lucky enough to know a cheap (ish) mechanic. I hate bloody cars but I need one for my job.
    Wishing you an unexpected financial windfall to get you through until September.

    xx

  22. avatar
    Queen Hatshepsut | 3 August 2008 at 7:30 am #

    I can truly say I know how you feel about now: I just spent $722 on my car. New tires and transmission flush – not to mention flushing the rest of my money out of the bank. Plus, no teaching prospects to speak of…my feelings about California and its budget problems, not to mention other issues cannot be put into words fit for a fambley blog like this.
    Hang in there – September will be my reprieve too; it’ll be here before we know it, eh?
    denise
    xxoo

  23. avatar
    princey | 3 August 2008 at 9:20 am #

    Ok, I’ll start the bidding at .01k for dins with sk…does it include side orders plus the “real” heyday story?(oh ha ha)
    No piking-out sk, it’s on!!

  24. avatar
    Anonymous | 3 August 2008 at 10:21 am #

    oi,marty!!!….get a haircut,ya hippie!!’D

  25. avatar
    Anonymous | 3 August 2008 at 11:37 am #

    times that by a gazillion,princey.goodnight.

  26. avatar
    Anonymous | 3 August 2008 at 1:01 pm #

    It is a lovely thing for you to keep those brakes working; I have a fella like that, his car, his brakes, and I use the car. Don’t know how you’ll go accumulating material wealth though if you also resent it; it appears you do SK. It is a lot of responsibility, one way or another.

    Marty looks like a pirate. I love it.

  27. avatar
    Melby Symon | 3 August 2008 at 1:45 pm #

    Don’t know about the dinner deal sk, but I’m sure that when you played Toff in the Town in Melby for a $20.00…I said that i and probably many others would have paid double or more to see you play that gig.

    Would you make more from a higher tix price or does the Toff just get fatter and fatter ?

    That gig was sensational and worth far far more than a $20. I bought some merch from Matty D (hi Matt) on the night to supp the $20 but you need to start doing a looob king job on these clubs. Check your puter and double the figure before agreeing on a tix price…

  28. avatar
    fantasticandy | 3 August 2008 at 2:36 pm #

    you really do love olde tibor though don’t ya?
    c’mon admit it….ya know you do!
    sometimes man and machine become something more?

    he’s a gas-guzzling product of a busted world.
    yet…even so….he’s been a trusty(if a little rusty)steed.
    i reckon, despite all that he stands for……….
    you’ll still shed a tear when his apointment with the auto-reaper(the crusher)finally comes.
    much love to all,
    especially SK, tibor and brien(thanks for listening bri..more soon..).
    cheers,
    andy L.

  29. avatar
    Polydora | 3 August 2008 at 6:09 pm #

    “i should sell myself out
    available for having dinner
    starting at .01 k and you buy dinner”

    Oh my. I’m sure there would be so many takers that you’d end up the size of Orson Wells or Marlon Brando, and maybe even so HUGE that all your subscribers would have to one day buy you your own island! Weeza might not be able to handle that much killer. uh uh, no no.

    – okay, this comment is fookin’ lame. Hope you can all find it in your hearts to forgive me. I’m posting it anyway. It’s a Sunday morning and my neurons are firing slower than a banana slug. so there.

  30. avatar
    Polydora | 3 August 2008 at 6:10 pm #

    p.s.: I love your descriptions of Scarlet. She sounds so much like my Evie Rose. Was she born in the Chinese year of the monkey, too?

  31. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 3 August 2008 at 6:52 pm #

    I could take SK out all the time and make him look like Marlon Brando even on a vegan diet. Been there done that. My beloved Pretenders got a 4 star concert review by the London Times on August 1. They played at “Koko, NW1 ?

    I bitterly lament missing the Pretenders/Church tour.

  32. avatar
    lily was here | 4 August 2008 at 3:34 am #

    I know times are getting hard
    But just believe me, girl
    Someday I’ll pay the bills with this guitar
    We’ll have it good
    We’ll have the life we knew we would
    My word is good
    — Hey There Delilah lyrics

    Those words always get to me. Not just musicians but all kinds of guys tryin’ to make a living to support their loved ones.

    xxx

  33. avatar
    eek | 4 August 2008 at 7:21 am #

    Money — it’s easy to say/think money doesn’t matter until you don’t have enough to pay the bills. Then it becomes a constant worry. Sucks.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    I love reading the Scarlet stories. She seems quite the personality. This line:

    she is argumentative

    reminded me of the time years ago when my mum had gone to a new doctor. After her appointment called me and said, “do you know what that doctor said to me?”

    “no”

    “He said, ‘you’re argumentative!'”

    I piped up with, “No, I’m NOT!!”

    and she said, “that’s just what I said!”

    I laughed so hard I could hardly breathe. Mum was not amused. And she never went back to that doctor again.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    And some car advice — when having financial woes, never, never, ever, think while driving your car, “this would be a really bad time for the car to break down” because within minutes the car will come to a crunching, screeching, grinding, never-to-move-under-it’s-own-power-again halt (with parts angled out in ominous ways) in the middle of a main road during rush hour. Trust me on this.

  34. avatar
    captain mission | 4 August 2008 at 7:46 am #

    can’t wait till those new matter transporters hit the streets. environmentally friendly to.

  35. avatar
    nickfiction | 4 August 2008 at 9:11 pm #

    ahhhhhh, id buy ya dinner anytime kilbey….. Too bad those brakes cost so much . i got a guy here who’d do it for 300 , but i reckon shipping that car from Aus would offset the savings…


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