posted on February 7, 2011 at 11:33 am

king canute in portland

from the 1950s whence i once escaped

i dream i’m in a black van speeding up the road

everything i am everything ive been

no one loves you

no women no children no one out there at all now

its dark and its uncomfortable in your dream

you tear past towns and shops and lights and signs

music playing somewhere else you catch the drift

no one is at home no one is at work no one is anywhere at all

unfathomable depths youre drifting in

you not awake in this sleep never dreaming or not

how far is it now someone with a voice like yours croaks out

300 miles steve says a voice from beyond the barrier

a voice on the other side of consciousness

a voice coming in from a universal parallel

a voice i cling to the idea a voice

in my dream im fighting in a war

sometimes i win sometimes i lose but its struggle all the way

the  big black van rushes headlong into the big black night

its all there is all there ever was

we chase the future heedlessly

we move through the void surrounding us

we negotiate our passage

is  it black velvet or black steel out there i cant tell

i cant see

i can hear something

the throb of the engines the rumble of the wheels

the singing road like a chorus of greek women

we never seem any closer or any futher

my head lolls my back hurts my legs cant stretch out

i only feel numbness everywhere

where are we now?

i dunno someone says

i fall backwards into my own head

goodnight whoever you are

im so tired and confused


52 Responses to “rapid i movement”

  1. avatar
    eekie | 7 February 2011 at 1:43 pm #

    ah, such a glamorous life!

    All the travel must be disorienting. Even when I drive to different cities for only four or five days, everything starts to blur. And I actually enjoy driving on longish road trips. Not so sure I’d enjoy being a passenger on them though…driving keeps me occupied and interested, but just sitting there makes me feel helpless.

    Ugh. Hate it when I can’t get comfortable. I really feel for you there.

    • avatar
      slowuncle | 8 February 2011 at 6:10 am #

      well, I’m just down the road here in Portland—if you haven’t left for Seattle yet, give me call and we’ll make you feel at home w/an incredible veggie-burger and all the trims.

  2. avatar
    nickfiction | 7 February 2011 at 1:48 pm #

    damn, i bet those fingers are sore from playing three albums a night! tried to wrangle up the cash to come see you in chicago, but timing is just wrong. bummed here in Cleveland……..Nick Fiction

  3. avatar
    Steven Krut | 7 February 2011 at 1:59 pm #

    Traveling by black van seems too conventional for a band of The Church’s musical pedigree. Hovercraft would be more appropriate. A nice surplus naval LCAC can probably be secured via eBay for a reasonable cost. Your fans will pitch in and buy it for you. And then, of course, fit it out with all the requisite neo-psychedelic band accouterments – holographic projectors, sonic sensualizers, etc. No need to stay on the actual road with such a craft. The shortest distance is literally a straight line, regardless of what swamps or lakes lie in the way. And with the built-in holography, you can appear as an approaching storm cloud or mystical dragon. Amaze your fans as you appear to emerge from the mouth of the dragon, nostril smoke swirling about you. Worried about maintenance costs? A special regiment of The Church Army can be detached to southern California to scrub the craft daily and keep it on the ready for the next sensational Church tour. It’s all tantalizingly feasible, you have to admit. 🙂

  4. avatar
    Donna | 7 February 2011 at 2:07 pm #

    Hey Steve, by now you should be out of that black van (I hope). Hope you get some needed rest before your next show.

    I’m thrilled to read that you guys were so amazing in l.a. and s.f. I love all the reviews…soon it’s my turn!!

    Have fun in Seattle! Goodnight and see ya soon!

  5. avatar
    nine.fathom | 7 February 2011 at 2:10 pm #

    you are moving

  6. avatar
    mari hall | 7 February 2011 at 2:36 pm #

    I can only imagine how tired you most be sweetie. It all be better tomorrow you’ll see. good night and sweet dreams this time. Xo

  7. avatar
    Cocoamo | 7 February 2011 at 2:54 pm #

    I once took some classes in dream interpretation. They said that when you dream you are driving a vehicle, it is symbolic of your subconscious feeling about how you are progressing through your life. Wonder what the black van would mean? Fascinating.

    Your friend in Pennsylvania
    (Now in Cocoa Beach)

  8. avatar
    Once | 7 February 2011 at 3:25 pm #

    Love photo 1. Hot.

    Wait – they can’t even FLY you from SFO to SEA?? Seriously, it’s cheaper than driving!! Equip has to go anyway, but you are human cargo! FFS!

    You need a better travel agent, Killa.

    Can’t wait to see Seattle footage…ever heard that Robyn Hitchcock song? “Viva Seattle Tacoma, viva viva Seatac! Viva Seattle Tacoma, viva viva Seatac! Viva viva viva viva viva Seatac – they got the best computers and coffee and smack!!”

    So glad the tour is going well…love you guys…


  9. avatar
    andy | 7 February 2011 at 5:56 pm #

    stay safe…….
    a lot of folk suddenly realising what an important music force you guys are.

  10. avatar
    eekie | 7 February 2011 at 6:46 pm #

    Nice review of the San Francisco show on the site here: 🙂

    • avatar
      brian ison | 8 February 2011 at 10:40 am #

      Good review. Can’t wait.

  11. avatar
    hellbound heart | 7 February 2011 at 6:57 pm #

    have to say it, i’m not one for big time continuous car travel…..fatigue big time….
    love always…….

  12. avatar
    Andreas | 7 February 2011 at 8:52 pm #

    Hi SK- I often travel for business, am out for 3-5 days and one does get estranged. I do, do understand. It can get “trippy”…

  13. avatar
    Karen | 7 February 2011 at 9:03 pm #

    hope you get some more leg room
    & a bit of head room

  14. avatar
    Ingrid | 7 February 2011 at 10:21 pm #

    It sounds like your US tour is going great. What an amazing line up of albums you are doing. I hope you are having heaps of fun.

    It is significant for me that you doing Priest = Aura as my younger sister and I went to a concert at The Enmore Theatre in I think about 1992/1993(which I’m fairly certain was the promo tour for Priest = Aura).

    I just wanted to write about this as she just had breast cancer surgery today (I can’t believe it really). At that concert she caught one of the “love chocolates” that you threw out to the audience that night, (she was the 6 foot tall, blonde with long hair). She ended up gaving me the chocolate as she knows what a big fan I am and I was wishing it had been me that caught it. She is amazing and beautiful and I love her heaps.

    All the very best for the rest of the tour,
    Take Care,

    • avatar
      Lara | 8 February 2011 at 9:17 am #

      What a bittersweet story, Ingrid. Wishing the best for your sister.

    • avatar
      Donna | 8 February 2011 at 2:47 pm #

      Love chocolates!?! YES!!!

      Ingrid, so sorry about your sister. Been where you are – 3 times. I hope she does well, and you too.

    • avatar
      BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 9 February 2011 at 4:05 am #

      Ingrid- wishing new found health and happiness to you and your family. I wish you and your sister the best and include you in my daily prayers.

      Darrin K.

  15. avatar
    Wilfred Paradise | 7 February 2011 at 10:35 pm #

    Steve: Welcome to the road. Yours truly, Bob Dylan

  16. avatar
    DavidP | 7 February 2011 at 11:08 pm #

    The book I have on Astral Travel & Dreams says its symbolic of how the spiritual work is going and to look at the type of car, its colour and condition, how you drive it, etc. A bicycle is the same sort of thing.

    • avatar
      DavidP | 7 February 2011 at 11:12 pm #

      (this was a reply to Cocoamo’s post)

      • avatar
        Cocoamo | 8 February 2011 at 1:16 pm #

        Yes, dreams are so amazing. I have vehicle dreams all the time, lately that I am driving up such a steep hill that the car is almost tipping over backward, and I am struggling to keep it going. I thought that meant I was struggling with life, but someone said it means I aspire to great heights. Who knows? Fun to try to figure out. Steve’s is kind of sad, I think, driving and driving and getting nowhere!

        Your Friend in Pennsylvania
        (Now in Cocoa Beach)

        • avatar
          DavidP | 10 February 2011 at 9:18 pm #

          hi Cocoamo, it seems he wasn’t actually in the drivers seat, I hope, or else he was half asleep at the wheel…
          The first gut feeling you get about what a dream meant is usually the right interpretation. Much depends on the context of what went on in the dream and on the context of the persons life at the time. You might find the book I have linked to in my user name quite interesting.

  17. avatar
    Freddie | 7 February 2011 at 11:25 pm #

    King Canute if you really, really believed
    that you could hold back the waves, couldn’t you ?!! :^)
    I hear that Oregon is beautiful country.
    Too bad you’re moving through it in the dark winter time.

  18. avatar
    DavidP | 7 February 2011 at 11:59 pm #

    the hypnogogic state
    straddling the fence between here and there
    ah yes, the halfway house
    love being in that physical mystical/mystical physical place
    mantras or gently concentrating on the heartbeats gets me there
    ineffable place
    not fully asleep, not entirely physically awake
    but still quite cognizant
    then feeling my body finish falling asleep but remaining aware
    which some say is going into another dimension, the 5th one
    where some say we all go every night whether we realise it or not
    perchance to subconsciously dream or
    go about fully aware to discover esoteric truths
    still, there are messages/lessons in subconscious dreams too
    fighting in a war can be symbolic of the inner struggle to awaken
    that inner spiritual war which goes on all the time in our hearts and minds
    to the battle!

  19. avatar
    BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 8 February 2011 at 2:23 am #

    Get some rest and eat well my friend. The road beckons you forth…from Seattle to Chicago. See ya in a few more days. Sounds like everything is going great. Just a quick question…? Who is the added member of ‘the church’ on the YouTube vids? Young man resembles a younger version of Mr. Marty himself. Let me, or if anyone else knows, fill me in. I have had HUGE computer problems and I an almost ready to toss this piece of shit out the window !!!!

    Darrin K.

  20. avatar
    sarah | 8 February 2011 at 3:31 am #

    beautiful wordage. are you in portland? or is that first photo old?

  21. avatar
    sarah | 8 February 2011 at 4:48 am #

    hey you’re in Seattle! excellent…I am producing an event (film screening for a vancouver b.c. director) here in Portland tomorrow night otherwise I would come up. yesterday by the forces of nature herself a random acquaintance delivered an enormous Nataraja to my house for me to take care of for a year maybe more. The phenomena of how this Shiva came into my possession is beyond bizarre and teeters on miraculous. He is accompanied by a smaller consort statue of Kali Ma. At any rate this Nataraja has been in a temple for many years (long before either of us were ever born!)and I have not seen this caliber of a Nataraja other then once in a museum in Amsterdam. It is at least 5 feet tall maybe more with the full aureole of flames around his body. Krishna Das, Ram Das and many many others have performed their pujus to this particular statue. It has been enjoyed by many and he is my new roommate for a while. It takes up an entire wall in my small bungalow. It is here to be shared by all….if you would like to come receive the shaktipat that comes from him you are welcome too. I know that may sound weird but it is very much a reality. I can transmit the Mrityunjay mantra to you if you like. It is something that can live in your heart until your dying breath. Enormous blessing of spiritual wealth, abundance and healing on every level. well this comment is beginning to be a bit like one of your dreamtime stories of alternative universes!! LOL> Sorry to be missing you in Seattle 🙁 I am locked into this Portland production tomorrow night ocean traveler. I am the person who has to tell everyone what to do and make things run smoothly. 🙂 its the only role I can’t delegate out. It is as it is. Look me up. I live very close to downtown in a grove of old growth trees. I know how it goes on the road and while touring, as I did it for many years, so I understand it might not work out for you. if not, may every blessing of balance and health be bestowed upon you wherever you are. Xo. Sarah

  22. avatar
    knot | 8 February 2011 at 4:56 am #

    i saw those black vans parked outside gahm. they looked as though they were designed to transport vampires, or fragile medieval manuscripts that must never be touched by the direct rays of the sun. fly safely to chicago, brother.

  23. avatar
    . | 8 February 2011 at 5:02 am #

    astral flight like no other
    i had a dream and saw my brother
    the owner and proprieter of a record store
    the last garrison town on the edge of the empire
    a knight sworn to uphold the lineage of the vinyl
    educating young punks on real rock, not pop star power
    have a listen to the refo:mation, then’ll you’ll see the light
    “no” said the snotty nosed jerks, we like those other guys
    “what’s that group called again?” they asked aloud
    exactly said the elder, you can show yourselves out
    shift in the environment, cosmic misalignment, stranger in a crowd
    maybe i saw that black van in my cosmic star charts
    surrounded by cars, monotone, drivers with plasticene faces
    one thing i do remember as the windows exploded in slow time
    the echo bars of lush music pouring out to the cities and the farms
    paint a grey countryside with bright colors, don’t be alarmed
    “i’m walking towards you with fire in my hands…”
    i remember that as i was pulled away from this land

  24. avatar
    . | 8 February 2011 at 5:22 am #

    then you’ll see the light
    then you’ll see the light

  25. avatar
    neptune | 8 February 2011 at 5:32 am #

    yes, sleeping in a van is not the most pleasant in world BUT it beats not being able to sleep at all. You will surely welcome that nice (hopefully) comfy bed once you reach your next location.

    It’s nice to know that you are in the US of A, even tho I am unable to travel to another state to see you and the band. Darn it! 🙁

    I know you can’t hit every state, but I will enjoy reading about the shows via reviews and everyone’s photos.

    In regards to children … Most of them don’t appreciate their parents at most times – sometimes they do — more often when they get older. That said, what you do now is what they will remember when you are gone. (hopefully not for a LONG, long, longgg time)!

    Be safe, enjoy your time, and rest when you can. Hope your body recovers from the van ride soon.


  26. avatar
    queenhatshepsut | 8 February 2011 at 5:40 am #

    Hate long car trips. They wear down my soul. You guys are amazing, doing these tours for all these years.

  27. avatar
    princey | 8 February 2011 at 10:09 am #

    Hi sk, strange dreaming indeed. I just hope your driver for the tour is a good one cos they don’t wanna cop a disgruntled sk in the passenger seat, been there, done that!!!haha “we are so lo-o-o-ost” 🙂
    take it eeeeeasy sk,
    love Amanda

  28. avatar
    Once | 8 February 2011 at 10:14 am #

    Seattle’s gonna love ya, for several reasons –

    You didn’t give up, like Cobain (with all due respect);

    You didn’t sell out, you stayed true to you and your band;

    If anyone there hears one more freakin’ Jason Mraz song, they’re gonna go insane (with all due respect);

    They got the best computers and coffee and smack. (I know you’ll stick with the coffee, all good)…

    And…well…Seattle is a pretty good place for being in America…open-minded and somewhat progressive, and I wish I could be there, hope you feel the vibes…give ’em your best, mate!


    • avatar
      thetimebeing | 9 February 2011 at 3:53 am #

      seattle is one cool city! i agree

    • avatar
      BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 9 February 2011 at 4:20 am #

      Hey D-

      Regarding Kurt, it was a tragedy…he was ill and hurting deeply inside and the warning signs were there, unfortunately…it was to late. I have lost 3 family members to suicide. And have had 2 other members attempt. I do not believe people ‘give up’, …I believe that circumstances, be as they may, overcome realities perspective and so many hurting souls search for a quick release from the pain that they are inflicted with (mental,emotional,physical). I have had doctors ‘question’ my ideations, considering the enormous levels of physical pain that I endure every day. I was wrongly prescribed SSRI’s and other pyscotropic medications which turned VERY toxic in my system and resulted in an extensive hospital stay. Medications are helpful to many, to a select group of others (including myself), they can become extremely deadly. I was fortunate to survive the incident, though it did cause deep…damaging, emotional scars that I live with daily.

      Darrin K.

      • avatar
        Once | 9 February 2011 at 8:28 pm #

        Hi Darrin –

        Yeah, horribly tragic about KC – having not known him, I can’t really analyze the thing…I have my own opinions about suicide though; which don’t belong here, so drop me an email if you’d like, I enjoy exchanging thoughts with you. (Whatever happened to “penpals”, anyway? Oh – Facebook. LOL.)

        Very sorry to hear of your family experiences; you are a strong person to carry on with these burdens, my heart goes out to you.

        Best wishes – and enjoy the Chicago show – 2 more days!! & firmly entrenched in Facebook…

  29. avatar
    Grenda | 8 February 2011 at 1:14 pm #

    So very sad I missed you in LA, my father went missing the day of the show or would have harrassed you as I always do when you’re in SoCal. You sound so disenchanted, my friend. Always here should you need anything.

    Love always, g

  30. avatar
    david | 8 February 2011 at 5:25 pm #

    hey ho there
    …from”the secrets of foretelling your own future”by maurice woodruff..1969….”to dream of a van means that you are being a little
    impatient and indicates that, if you are prepared to be patient and persevere, things will eventually come out the way you want them to.”…

  31. avatar
    captain mission | 8 February 2011 at 6:14 pm #

    it makes me sad that your in a van and not a fake fur lined lear jet or some form of luxurious airship sipping fresh coconut water.
    i wish i could be there in the front row at NYC, it really tears me up that i can’t be there, but by the time you read this you will be in another place, hopefully feeling less confused and well rested.

  32. avatar
    Wilfred Paradise | 8 February 2011 at 10:40 pm #

    SK11 – the greenville show, you should keep your guitars plugged in, play the 3 albums, why mess up your stride to try to pull off the 30-year-acoustic, gonna be a pain in the ass perhaps? am traveling 4 hours to greenville (too far to atlanta, too far to alexandria), will take all the enjoyment I can get (and the 30 year show was great), but man, hate to miss these 3 great albums played live, espec once you have 7 or 8 shows under your belt. think about it, think about, huddle up w/ the bandmates. i’ll pay another 10 if need be.

    enjoy, enjoy (or what’s the point?) – wilfred paradise

  33. avatar
    Daniel | 9 February 2011 at 2:19 am #

    Not to stray off of the subject at hand, but I have a question for you Mr. Kilbey… Steve, if I may? I’ve been a fan of yours since the mid-eighties when I first heard Roman off of Heyday sitting in the backseat of a friends VW. My question to you is, on recent tours, why do you no longer visit Salt Lake City? You have a good fan base here. I’ve seen you perform in San Diego, Ventura, Seattle, Vancouver, and Salt Lake, and the crowds at the latter were equally as strong in numbers and enthusiasm as any other place I’ve seen you. Anyway, just wondering.

    • avatar
      thetimebeing | 9 February 2011 at 3:50 am #

      hey daniel
      i dont know
      not enough demand i guess
      i never book tours or say where we’re playing

  34. avatar
    Ryan | 9 February 2011 at 5:00 am #

    The first Seattle show blew the forking roof off the city, raked old Poseidon over the coals, and created a solid wall of sound that punched ya in the guts and grabbed ya right by the gizzard.

    Untitled #23 was everything you’d expect if you caught the last tour – an all-out electric journey through the depths of your inner self. I thought the first couple songs started kinda slow – but with precision instrument changes between the band that moved like a well oiled machine. And then things caught fire with a blistering rendition of Space Saviour. On Angel Street was raw in a way that brought a tear to the eye. And the highlight for me was Anchorage – a song I’ve always wanted to hear live. Every lyric sounded like it was ripped from the Killa’s insides, raw and bleeding. An amazing set.

    And then the highlight of the night: Priest=Aura. An album that was never meant to be played live. A lush soundscape of strange metaphors and odd aural encounters. Well let me just say, if this was never meant to be played live it sure didn’t come across that way! Right from the opening notes of Aura the band wove an incredible pulsing wall of sound that warped time and memory and had the entire room on the edge of their seats (and it looked like a room full of hardcore church fans – everyone i could see from my place seemed to know all the words and be singing along). I’m not sure how else to describe the experience. I finally heard some of my favourites live and loud – Ripple, Lustre, Feel, the Disillusionist (a gripping rendition!). And the shorter songs – Swan Lake, Witch Hunt and Old Flame – were brought to new life and depth. Kings was bejewelled, magisterial, loud. Dome was bottled nostalgia let loose on waves of melody. Chaos was a direct, disorienting experience of that word. And Film was a lush, beautiful closer to the set. Take everything you ever thought this album could sound like live and multiply that a thousandfold. My head is still spinning from it this morning.

    The guys looked exhausted after set two – and the Killa looked like a prize fighter who’d ripped out everything he had and put it on the table. But to my absolute amazement the energy level and performance just kept going up. The last set – Starfish – felt more like a blistering encore than a third of the show, and I can’t believe it went by so quickly. The room went wild, the guitars caught fire, Steve had even more energy than he did at the start of the night (I still can’t believe that – by then i felt like i’d gone 10 rounds myself!!!). I really don’t know how to describe that third set except to say that our jaws were on the table the entire time. There were moments in every single song where I remember turning to my wife in amazement and saying “how the fuck?!?” Nobody does it like The Church. Period.

    You’ve gotta get to this show. Drop everything. Quit your job. Sell the kids. Jeez, my work schedule interfered with all the east coast dates, so we flew across the continent to grasp this epic experience by the strings. I’d happily double that 6 hr flight.

    Looking fwd to experiencing it all again tonight. Seattle #2 🙂

    • avatar
      Lara | 9 February 2011 at 11:21 am #

      “Quit your job. Sell the kids.” LOL, Ryan. I so agree. I gave my students extra reading and bailed on my classes to fly to SF. Shoulda come back by way of Seattle.

      • avatar
        Ryan | 10 February 2011 at 11:44 am #

        Lara, the second show was even better than the first. And you know extra reading never hurt anyone 😉

    • avatar
      Daniel J. Kruse | 10 February 2011 at 10:50 am #

      I hear you Ryan. Is that one beautiful band or what? No flight is too long, no hardship beyond endurance. They are, hands down, one damn fine band! Marty and Peter…Their interplay is beyond human…It is, hell, lets just admit it:transcendent!

  35. avatar
    Daniel J. Kruse | 9 February 2011 at 5:16 am #

    Thank you from the bottom, top, and sides of my heart for the incredible music in Seattle last night. After three flight cancellations and the sudden death of my brother in law, I still made it here from Hartington, Nebraska. One hundred fifty miles to Omaha, a layover in Houston—The airport there, like the family its named after,is fucked up—There is no band like The Church and no one else sings with such relative ease and grace as you do. A psychedelic Sinatra you are. I realize that touring is often difficult for you and your bandmates, but always remember that we are aware of this and greatly appreciate what you do. Wherever the Church play in the U.S., I shall go. I’m going to pick up your box set of solo work when I return home. Thank you so much,Mr. Kilbey!
    P.S. Marty and Peter are two very underrated guitarists.

  36. avatar
    . | 9 February 2011 at 7:02 am #

    how do you battle the boredom while touring?
    eating healthy and consistently must be a challenge. is it every man for himself or does the church share any culinary favorites?
    have you taken up any new sports or hobbies along the way these many years?

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