posted on August 16, 2006 at 4:43 pm

today everything makes me sad
im staying in a hotel thats said to be haunted
a jilted bride threw herself of the roof
a long time ago
well its sure olde n spooky
some strange feelings in the night
troubled sleep
where are you?
in cincinnati
last night we played i.apolis
a lovely audience
we really tried too
venue a little too bign new n empty
we never really got there
all the way
once you have it all the way
there is no goin back
renees comment from yesterday made me sad
is it just my messiah complex
i feel like i could really make it all better for ya
if only……
i want to make it better
i want to heal it
i want to undo it all
i want it to make sense for us
your lives should be filled with joy
where does this sadness come from
how did these evils get into this world?
who sent them n why?
we see our mumsndads workin for the man
trapped in hopeless mundane mortgage misery
countries fighting over ideas
people blowing emselves up for god
only god knows what bullshit that is
an’ we’re lashed to our rituals n society
n up to our eyeballs in debt
workin n studyin’ n being a waiter
and friends are hard to find
and then familiarity breeds contempt
we get money
we blow money
n we go up to 13
n we slide to 22
n we get older n older
n samosanx kitty kat ,
i miss that man too
and we do providence everynite here in the u.s,.
and i try to let grantley come thru my own voice
and i sing his words like he would have liked it
and i feel the place where he was when they filled up his mind
and it makes for a good concert
but it makes me sad too
cos grant was always a little sad
wearing his heart on his sleeve n jokin’ around
and today
i go down to get quarters
so i can wash my motley collexion of t shirts n shorts
i call my wardrobe
n i meet up with this big black bald guy
who works here
and immediately we both feel it
we have known each other forever
doesnt matter that hes the fuckin handyman or bell man
here in cincinnati
yeah i bet hes hadda tuff life too
but hes so cheerful
and we chat about life
and he doesnt care that im some olde stoned hippy
with scruffy hair n white beard
how are things goin’ for ya now he asks
implying that we are picking up some previous conversation
tho we have never met before
and thru his natural senses
he could feel i had things on my mind
and we talked
and later he bumps into me in the lift
how long yall stayin in cincinnati he asks
as if hes about to invite me over his pad
ah we’re leavin tomorrow i croak outta mah sore throat
we both feel glum for the rest of the ride
see ya we both say as i get out
i feel everything too much
sometimes my nervous system cant stand it
every piece of broken glass
every weed n paper bag
is trying to tell its story to me
the clouds in the sky
the trees
every face i see
every person i meet
the audiences
the girls who make the subway veggie sandwiches
the cats behind the garbo bins
the sad tollway staff
the dealers n the buyers
the people who bring gifts
the coat hangers on
the long hotel corridors
wallpaper patterns
everything has significance for me
i have been overloaded with associations
since the moment i could think
they thought i was a fucking freak
but its just that my veneer wasnt thick enuff
and it doesnt keep the outside out that well
everything is crying if you can just hear it
n sometimes i can
all ya got to fight it is yoga n swimmin n music
or ya gonna get them blues
n samo-kitty
n {{=}}
n all you others
out there
we gotta put some joy into this world
or else its unbearable
and to the person who said in a comment that you
lost yer child
i guess that puts it all in perspective for me
but i do feel it for ya
im feelin it rite now
n my glasses are misting up a little
tho i dont know ya
i would like to extend my deepest sympathy
and i wanna bring that child back
and i wanna bring grantley back
n my dad n jeff buckley
and fucking sort the middleeast out
put auroras tooth back in her head
remove the twillies nasty thing
get rid of my mums arthritis
and make everything right
the way we feel it should be
but it never fucking is
and i guess my messiah complex has really run amuck
and ya think
imagine this cat jesus
if he really existed
or the buddha
to be able to make it alright again
so everyone was happy
and no one was excluded
and everyone was fulfilled n content
and there was someone for everyone
i believe..
something inside tells me
we are right to long for this place
where everything is as it should be
and this is a mean olde sad world

138 Responses to “sad blog”

  1. avatar
    Anonymous | 16 August 2006 at 6:01 pm #

    cheer up mate – everybody feels it and everybody has their own grind they have to do. music, family, a bit of a smoke, these are a few of my favourite things!

    kind regards pip

  2. avatar
    Anonymous | 16 August 2006 at 6:04 pm #

    cheer up mate – everybody feels it and everybody has their own grind they have to do. music, family, a bit of a smoke, these are a few of my favourite things!

    kind regards pip

  3. avatar
    John Garratt | 16 August 2006 at 6:05 pm #

    “im feelin it rite now
    n my glasses are misting up a little”

    So you have your glasses back!

    Take this sorrow and channel it tonight. I’ll be there.


  4. avatar
    leelinau | 16 August 2006 at 6:16 pm #

    Rube: You like spaghetti, George? I like spaghetti. I like board games. I like grabbing a trifecta with that longshot on top. That ozone smell you get from air purifiers. And I like knowing the space between my ears is immeasurable. Mahler’s first, Bernstein conducting. You’ve got to think about all the things you like and decide whether they’re worth sticking around for. And if they are, you’ll find a way to do this.
    -Dead Like Me

  5. avatar
    lizardlizard81 | 16 August 2006 at 6:23 pm #

    Poor, poor, sir. I wish I could pat your on your little head o’ wispy hair and tell you that everything will be ok. If one could be consoled by the fact that a person doesn’t have to ‘make it all better’ to be cared about, for this person to just exist makes others happy, then be consoled by all means. You don’t have to be jesus-god to us.

    Going back to the tot’s dental probs… I believe, correct me if I’m wrong as I wasn’t in the picture at the time — I believe dental probs on your part led my my husband to own 2 of you guys’ instruments (a bass & guitar… one from ‘Different Man’, but I can’t recall which)…? (recall ye a young man named ‘Doug’ from Abilene, TX? I married yonder man and he brought me to your music.) He said something about you going to pick up the wired money in Sweden (?) and getting hit by a car..?

    I guess I could go home and ask him to retell the story, but I thought it would be more fun to ask you… ?


  6. avatar
    jeanz | 16 August 2006 at 6:29 pm #

    Thanks for today’s blog Steve.

    I’m with you at the moment.

    So fuckin down today

  7. avatar
    other | 16 August 2006 at 6:38 pm #

    Yeah:me too.

  8. avatar
    Anonymous | 16 August 2006 at 6:45 pm #

    Been feeling down too. A 17 year old kid was shot in my neighborhood yesterday. Absolutely unthinkable. I was sitting at home with a broken toe and heard the shots. It was in front of a pre-school – a pre-school/daycare that my 2.5 year old could’ve been at if she wasn’t at daycare at work. So much loss. Loss of life. Loss of a child. Loss of a neighborhood’s feeling of safefy. And I’ve always felt that SF was safe and now I don’t quite know how to protect my family. (not with guns – never been a fan of them)

    Sometimes I’d give anything for my daughter’s innocence.

    See you at Great American Music Hall…

  9. avatar
    Brad | 16 August 2006 at 6:45 pm #

    I believe it was said best in MOnty Python’s Life of Brian….
    For life is quite absurd
    And death’s the final word
    You must always face the curtain with a bow.
    Forget about your sin – give the audience a grin
    Enjoy it – it’s your last chance anyhow.

    So always look on the bright side of death
    Just before you draw your terminal breath

    Life’s a piece of shit
    When you look at it
    Life’s a laugh and death’s a joke, it’s true.
    You’ll see it’s all a show
    Keep ’em laughing as you go
    Just remember that the last laugh is on you.

    And always look on the bright side of life…
    Always look on the right side of life…

    keep on keepin on

  10. avatar
    gjp | 16 August 2006 at 6:48 pm #


    Her presence,
    a beautiful thing of light
    revealed as an inner journey,
    where their night-time garden
    formed of flowers
    and her magical silence
    formed the fragrance of a magical air

    The moon showered its light
    across this stillness,
    while an unbroken listening
    swallowed the midnight hours
    amidst this mysterious oasis

    She exposed her own power,
    her inner beauty entered into a noble posture.
    while the night hours radiated
    her stillness that fills
    the wonder of a moment,
    radiating a rapport with what is divine.

  11. avatar
    Anonymous | 16 August 2006 at 6:48 pm #

    hi sk
    your story about
    the connection you felt
    with the hotel guy
    was touching
    because i think
    we can all relate
    there are people
    you cross paths with
    in the most fleeting of ways
    and sometimes
    there’s this intangible
    connection/bond that
    doesn’t seem on
    a rationale level
    like it should exist
    but it does
    and it’s cool
    and very real

    hope tonight’s
    show transcends


  12. avatar
    Aperus | 16 August 2006 at 6:54 pm #

    Hey Steve – Man oh man, I would love to ramble on about how much your music means to me just so you know how deeply you’ve touched so many of us. You’ve added so much joy to the world!! I’ve got my girlfriend hooked too – what a gift you are… Steve – your spirit comes through so clear in your music – like a bell. Thank you for being here and sharing this ride.

    I’ll leave this little thought – this is pure Buddhism. The dust and pain we see out there are just reflections we paint on our minds. We have a direct experience, then we add all this thought, we place our judgements on top of all that. All those thoughts, those judgements are just illusion. Whatever the mind thinks, “the world is messed up”, “this is great”, “I don’t like this” – that’s just energy, it’s a passing cloud in the mind. Every single thought is like that. It’s not that there’s no pain in the world. But we add on the suffering with our mental girations. We can eliminate suffering by learning to see thought for what it is – just passing clouds without any real basis. And, I’d go a step further – learn to love even the dust.

    Ok, switching into mystic mode – here’s something that might apply from Rumi. I love this poem. Hope it does something for someone:


    This being human is a guesthouse
    every morning a new arrival.

    A joy, a depression, a meanness,
    some momentary awareness comes
    as an unexpected visitor.

    Welcome and entertain them all!
    Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
    who violently sweep your house
    empty of its furniture,

    Still, treat each guest honorably.
    He may be clearing you out
    for some new delight.

    The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
    meet them at the door laughing,
    and invite them in.

    Be grateful for whoever comes,
    because each has been sent
    as a guide from beyond.



  13. avatar
    Melquiades | 16 August 2006 at 6:54 pm #

    someone here in the office just remarked, “You have to be thick-skinned to work in this office”.

    I think that is the general sentiment. Not saying though thick skin is a good thing. If fact, I felt like like I lost a few layers after your shows. Something lightened in me. thanks, Brian

  14. avatar
    Anonymous | 16 August 2006 at 6:59 pm #


    Your words, THESE words, do make a difference. Whatever gadgets inside you that push you along are making the trip OUR trip better, however small or large make a difference. Your music. I think I’ll listen to After Everything Now This again right now (I have it at work today)and remind myself that your sounds and words always make my day better.

    PS My 5 year old son loves Columbus, too.

  15. avatar
    Anonymous | 16 August 2006 at 7:03 pm #

    To Anon Broken Toe:
    His name was Aubrey Abrakasa, I just read about him at SF Gate.
    The bad guys keep killing the good guys.

  16. avatar
    Anonymous | 16 August 2006 at 7:17 pm #


    Your words, THESE words, do make a difference. Whatever gadgets inside you that push you along are making the trip OUR trip better, however small or large make a difference. Your music. I think I’ll listen to After Everything Now This again right now (I have it at work today)and remind myself that your sounds and words always make my day better.

    PS My 5 year old son loves Columbus, too.

    4:59 AM

  17. avatar
    supper's ready | 16 August 2006 at 7:23 pm #

    hi steve,

    don’t let it get you down too much. One sad thought begets the other and pretty soon your head’s filled with them. just remember that a certain sea pool is waiting for you bondi beach. not to mention your family of course. there are laps to be swam, children and wives to be hugged and kissed, songs to be written, and paintings to be painted.

    just starting a positive train of thought, i guess…

    hang in there


  18. avatar
    Anonymous | 16 August 2006 at 7:34 pm #

    I absolutly love the way you are able to articulate your feelings so well. I’ve been on the dole for 2 years and reading your blogg is the highlight of my day, So you definetly put happiness in to my life. You spread goodness around and I’m not saying this exclusivly for your ego. It is sad to hear about your daughter. here’s a wee bit of an old fave for Ya that seems to be in the spirt of your last couple of blogs

    Come away, O human child!
    To the waters and the wild
    With a faery, hand in hand,
    For the world’s more full of weeping than you can understand

  19. avatar
    CeciliaGin | 16 August 2006 at 7:50 pm #

    I wish I could do for you what your music/art/blog does for me.
    Tu hermanita,

  20. avatar
    Anonymous | 16 August 2006 at 7:58 pm #

    Robin and I also feel the sadness thats like a enveloping blanket today. Not the end-all of end-all’s, but it’s still here. Lessons in duality birthed from the polarity…I suppose. On days like these, even quantum mechanics feel the strain. Perhaps the grind of the 4th Night paving the way for the 5th day. The return of the “Christ Energy” you were speaking of. Don’t fret yee weary travelers. Our rewards are on their way and will be here before you know it. Shifting gears……I hope Marty found his lead…..Tim found his “zone within a zone”…..Peter’s hard drive wasn’t scrambled while displaying “still connected”…..Davida’s new strings stay in tune….Tiare’s(sp?) beautiful grace stays intact….. and Rob’s metallic black not fading grey. One last shift….here is the address about the procedure that may assist Aurora that we spoke of “under the canopy.” It is……… Thanks again for the time and space. All Is One, Craig

  21. avatar
    Anonymous | 16 August 2006 at 8:15 pm #

    uR a very kind man, Mr. K. thanks!

    Jazz, Luv’ n Succes 2 u,

  22. avatar
    Fandorin | 16 August 2006 at 8:25 pm #


    you make it good. changing the world in little steps.
    wanna know what?

    i can only speak for myself. all these little beautiful weird english words i would have never known…providence, ripple, heyday, adulation, to suss…. You were my original english teacher, didya know that?? Finding the melody in the language…

    connecting singer/songwriter art with far-out prog and glam and just fine music…. now what other combination would have entered my classix-pampered mind with a force like that==??

    …and in the end, i have a daughter since 2 weeks, and im totally out of my mind, and i’m re-reading all them blogges about parental relation… and its a totally different thing.

    you’re not hopeless/stuck in helplessness/without any power to do something good. i wont call you the Mahatma Gandhi of contemporary australian psychedelic space rock, but…well…i think i do 🙂

    this all is of course not getting the middle east or your mother’s condition right. but, alas… that’s not your fecking homework to do, huh?

    good luck with the tour, i hope your homecoming is enhanced by paisley red carpets, brass bands playing “Youth Worshipper” and loving daughters galore.


  23. avatar
    baby | 16 August 2006 at 8:37 pm #

    Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.

  24. avatar
    Anonymous | 16 August 2006 at 8:44 pm #

    And bare, at once, Captivity display’d

    Stands scoffing through the never-open’d gate,

    Which nothing through its bars admits, save day,

    And tasteless food, which I have eat alone

  25. avatar
    Anonymous | 16 August 2006 at 8:45 pm #

    I’ve been reading you blogspot for a bit now, but this one reminds me of a poem a friend sent me…

    “Poem: “The Guest House”
    by Jelaluddin Rumi

    This being human is a guest house.
    Every morning a new arrival.

    A joy, a depression, a meanness,
    some momentary awareness comes
    as an unexpected visitor.

    Welcome and entertain them all!
    Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
    who violently sweep your house
    empty of its furniture,
    still, treat each guest honorably.
    He may be clearing you out
    for some new delight.

    The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
    meet them at the door laughing,
    and invite them in.

    Be grateful for whoever comes,
    because each has been sent
    as a guide from beyond.

    In all, I personally believe that it is inevitable to feel sad at times, to feel withdrawn -I do quiet often- but then something cheers me (us) up, and right now is the idea that I’m going to see your show in Cleveland (among other things in my life)… and weather you play feeling sad, or happy, it doesn’t matter…. for me it will be like a warm sunray on my face, because even if its sad, to know that someone feels -or can relate- to how I know I feel sometimes, its fucking beautiful and human….

    And like the poem said,

    “Welcome and entertain them all!
    Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows…..Be grateful for whoever comes,
    because each has been sent
    as a guide from beyond.”

    Peace 🙂

    -Lucia 🙂

  26. avatar
    Anonymous | 16 August 2006 at 8:55 pm #

    you may want to trade in the zanax for some lexipro. It works for me! There is light at the end of the tunnel. You are almost finished and you can see your family. It has to be a drag to be away for so long… doing the same thing each night.. driving for hours in the hotass sun… putting up with rude spectators… sleeping in lumpy beds… swimming in pee pools… eating crappy food… the list goes on. We are grateful you went through this for us. We love you for it.

  27. avatar
    DJK082067 | 16 August 2006 at 8:57 pm #

    That was not so much as a downer for a daily blog…but a glimpse. There are people everywhere who are filled with integrity,morals, and true human feelings. We are all blessed that you are one of them who would truly share them w/ all of us. Truth be known. That is as simple as it is written from your position and all of ours. This blog that you created has influenced people to relate feelings and opinions in such a form that it does not matter the BLOG rating or the negativity that emulates from so many others who are lost. After all these years of listening to you and your mates creations only signifies that music can be expressed as art. Not music for the sake of ART,MONEY,or MEDIA INFLUENCE. I am counting the hours…aprox.53 hours to Chicago. It will be a special day for me. A B-Day prez. from my beloved and an escape from the mundane for a couple of hours. I wont walk away empty. Just fufilled with an experience I have been waiting for since 03/04 (HOB). I wish you and yours well and good health and hoping each day inspires you in any way/shape/or form to continue to communicate with us.
    Have a great Day and show!!!

  28. avatar
    stealthblue | 16 August 2006 at 8:57 pm #

    I’m tellin ya’ SK, there is something in the air lately. The past couple of days have been pretty heavy. It was bad for me too (dunno if ya read my big long comment two days ago?) but things are chinning up, only because I need to look up a little bit. I know what you mean about wearing your heart out on yer sleeve, I am like that too..ya feel things that most people can’t, see signs in everything, read the hidden meanings, and you wish you had a real magic wand, make it all good for everyone, everywhere, especially the innocents. We can’t make it all good for everyone all of the time, just doesn’t work that way…but we can certainly try to help those that we really can. There are so many others that you really do help and we wanna do it for you too, make you a blogging superstar… if that’s what you want, but you’re so much more, so much deeper than that. I hope this in someway puts a smile on your face at some point in time. You’re a freakin’ GEM, man…regardless of any numbers or ratings, or reviews. I couldn’t tell you for sure why there is so much evil, suffering and pain…and sadness in the world. Melancholiness can eat us up, just like cancer, one thought at a time…if we let it. Wish I could make your world perfect, just like that (snap). Hope you get some rest when you can. In the mean time, one step at a time, one breath at a time, one strum at a time. (by the way, Xanax makes me crazy-don’t like it NO-MO!-it gets to ya, just something to think about)We all love you…

  29. avatar
    DJK082067 | 16 August 2006 at 9:01 pm #

    Just an after thought…I have been repeating “Gold Afternoon Fix” in my electronic box loudly, and widespread. A neighbor asked who I was listening to and could not believe that it was so carefully created in 1990…yet sounds timeless even today. So I hope I can share even more with the masses before I hit that repeat button again…”Pharoah” …what a f*in classic !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  30. avatar
    restaurant mark | 16 August 2006 at 9:04 pm #

    i remember everything…to a fault. every word, face, all the good times, bad, and every fucking harsh, unkind, and uncalled for thing that i’ve ever said or done…i’m not a bad guy…try not to hold grudges or anger. most people i know actually like me. at least that’s what they say? i’m always just a bit too emotional though and a little lost in my own head and heart…always wanting how things could be or should…never content with how they are…content=boredom to me. want more out of the world, my wife, my kids, my band mates/friends, and mostly me…and i’m the hardest one to get it from. argued with my wife this morning…things always get said, from both sides, way worse than what the fight was about…nothing really…we’re just different. that’s ok though. morning fights are the worst…i love my wife. whole day is off now. just want the disconnect switch. then i come home and read your last three posts and i feel sad (sorry about aurora’a tooth) but somehow connected again. not to you as much as the feelings conveyed. the words and how they make me feel. don’t want to turn it off anymore. still sad, but i’ll soak it in. my wife and i will be fine. to be human is a trip steve…

  31. avatar
    Renee | 16 August 2006 at 9:19 pm #

    Steve, I never wanted or intended to make you feel sad
    I guess when you look at just plain facts, my current situation would seem rather bleak,
    In reality I am probably happier than the average individual who has material wealth (big house, suv, spends frivolously on material shit)
    I’ve learned what is important and value the truly precious things (family, communing with nature, being a blessing to someone else, mine and my families health, etc.)
    I’ve learned to be frugal and live within my means, believe me, I’m not destitute
    but society tries to force you into a mold and dictate what makes for a successful individual, if one compares themselves to that standard, then we’ll never feel like we have enough
    I have a strong faith in God (however you perceive he/she/it to be)and believe all things are working themselves out for good, my current situation is temporary and will change, I know it!!

    Your blog is a highlight in my day, not because my day is lacking, but because you articulate so beautifully everything that I cannot express, your connection with every little thing, with people you’ve never met, the unseen world,
    everyday I say ‘finally, someone knows what the fuck I’m feeling’ and it is a tremendous relief,
    please don’t place the burden upon yourself to make everyone feel better, we don’t expect that from you, but you have touched many lives
    life is filled with loss and suffering, but there is also tremendous joy and beauty, that’s what being human and living is all about

    So….that whole haunted hotel thing is really creepy, there is NO WAY! I could sleep there, or if I did, someone would definitely be sleeping with me and I’m not sure that would be enough. I can’t watch a scary movie without being freaked out and staying awake for a week.
    It IS sad that someone would give up their life, especially over someone else, life is never that bad (unless your terminally ill) to want to do that


    lots n lots of love

  32. avatar
    Jab @ BZT | 16 August 2006 at 9:29 pm #

    Far out. SK, this is a very groovy thing you have going here. I found it yesterday and have been glued to it since. Catching up.

    I’m a fan of what I call Synchronistic Chaos Theory, and some things fall into place at the exact right time that have nothing whatsoever to do with each other, causing what seems like, meaning.

    In other words, reading the thoughtflow of someone who’s words I’ve been digging since 1988 has jarred me back to where I need to be. I miss the causality of creativity. A’writing I will go. . .

    Thanks man.

    Oh, and on the next album, please ask the person who masters it not to overcompress and crank the volume so much that it clips. The Church’s music speaks volumes without all the forced digital decibels. Just something I noticed while listening to ‘Uninvited’ this morning. The music is perfect but it’s so bloody loud on the cd that it hurts. Screw the “maximum volume to stand out on the radio” war going on in the industry right now. I say to them, “I prefer the music I love to sound GOOD. If I want the music louder, I’ll turn it up myself.”

    See ya in Milwaukee.

  33. avatar
    Padders | 16 August 2006 at 9:40 pm #


    I feel strangely uplifted by todays blog. You have the power to say what a lot of us think.
    What rational, intelligent, free thinking people feel. The emotional ups and downs of life you’d never discuss with your mates or your partner etc etc. The little things that show we’re still alive inside.

    Only you write it with an elegance and style we can only dream of having.

    Your blog sings everyday,


  34. avatar
    fantasticandy | 16 August 2006 at 10:13 pm #

    steve kilbey—i’m so glad i met you,all the years i listened to your music i felt you were a true friend.i knew you would never let me down.after the recent borderline gig (2 shows)you must have been totally knackered,yet you treated me as though i was your best pal! when you write stuff like this it busts me up inside. such sorrow,but so true.much respect,andy.

  35. avatar
    the dean | 16 August 2006 at 10:18 pm #

    trust music

  36. avatar
    Anonymous | 16 August 2006 at 10:43 pm #

    Hey Steve,

    I get like that too, especially when I watch National Geographic specials and watch animals prey on other animals. I find that disturbing and can’t fathom why God permits such carnage in the natural world. Then I remember this world is fallen…

    There will be a day when the lion will lay side by side with the lamb but until then… “Welcome to the Jungle”…IMHO Life is “Jumanji” or the “Lord of the Rings”. Life calls forth our courage, valour, bravery and mercy every single day.

    B xx

  37. avatar
    Gareth,Notts | 16 August 2006 at 10:44 pm #

    spot on,totally with you on todays blog,thanks

  38. avatar
    Kim | 16 August 2006 at 10:44 pm #

    I’ve been reading your blog only since Saturday – after the Sellersville show. Your blog is so infectious, I have to read keep reading it even though I’ve got plently of things to fill up my day.
    Your emotions touch me so. I’ve had pain at different times of my life. At 14, my 23 yr old brother killed himself. He would have been 50 this year. He tought me to love great bands like the Moody Blues at a very young age. What little I know of you reminds me a little of him. He was an artist who wanted more than his world had to offer in 1979. In 2004, my 3rd son was born with a heart defect and came close to dying.
    I’m not trying to say i’ve had more pain than the next person. But my joy comes in knowing that Jesus Christ came to this Earth for me (and you) so that one day all of my tears could be washed away. Only in God is my soul at rest.
    “I waited patiently and expectantly for the Lord; and He inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, steadying my steps and establishing my goings. And He has put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many shall see and fear and put their trust and confident reliance in the Lord”.(Psalm40:1-3)

  39. avatar
    Anonymous | 16 August 2006 at 10:45 pm #

    Funny, but I turn to your own music for my thoughts on your entry.. from ULTC:

    It’s further than you think so you better not let go…

    It’s better than you thought so you better take it slow, or it’ll…

    SK, you are making a huge difference, and you already have made a huge and blessed difference here on this planet. Please don’t exit just yet, stay around as long as you can and let that light shine.

  40. avatar
    manfred | 16 August 2006 at 11:22 pm #

    nevets, you asked
    “where does this sadness come from
    how did these evils get into this world?
    who sent them n why?”
    mud shadows, i still say
    carlos castaneda, the active side of infinity
    but it might make you even more sad
    but nevetstheless
    i’ll tell you again and again
    till you tell me what you think of it
    and stop asking all these questions
    that might or have been answered already
    love & peace & happiness

  41. avatar
    Anonymous | 16 August 2006 at 11:32 pm #

    1st: major big hug for you!!!!!!

    2nd: just had the realisation that you should just be so elated that you FEEL. some of ’em out there don’t feel a thing. feel too much – i don’t think so!!! it seems like your answer was also there in this post….it seems that you use things, good things sometimes like yoga and swimming and music to fight and manage your feelings. why are you fighting them? i think you need to learn how to authentically sit with each and every feeling you feel, every single second you feel them. if you really let yourself feel your sadness, pain, elation, ego, hatred, whatever then other people’s stuff won’t affect and you will have started dealing with your stuff….and things will feel different.

    3rd: know you’re a good one!

  42. avatar
    mrs. baal n zeus | 16 August 2006 at 11:35 pm #

    The Waking-Theodore Roethke

    I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
    I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.
    I learn by going where I have to go.

    We think by feeling. What is there to know?
    I hear my being dance from ear to ear.
    I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

    Of those so close beside me, which are you?
    God bless the Ground! I shall walk softly there,
    And learn by going where I have to go.

    Light takes the Tree; but who can tell us how?
    The lowly worm climbs up a winding stair;
    I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

    Great Nature has another thing to do
    To you and me, so take the lively air,
    And, lovely, learn by going where to go.

    This shaking keeps me steady. I should know.
    What falls away is always. And is near.
    I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
    I learn by going where I have to go.

  43. avatar
    public savant | 16 August 2006 at 11:54 pm #

    Mr K, some weeks ago i eschewed once and for all the comments forum and its vertiginous scroll-bar as i needed to rationalise the precious few moments away from my all-consuming poppets (hang on, how do you do it then?), so i apologise if someone has already made the following recommendation to you. i also have no sense of the prevailing climate in this strange white hall of v(o)ices but i refuse to gauge it. i know one thing tho: your tour posts are superb, as has no doubt been the chorus in here.

    Anyway, not wanting to presume to know what might be good for you, i think this may well be the salve: Thom Yorke’s The Eraser. Once it lets you in it seems that there is no place you’d rather be.

  44. avatar
    veleska1970 | 17 August 2006 at 12:04 am #

    wow, steve~~!!! your blog today was very deep and it goes without saying that it will undoubtedly affect in some way or another everyone who reads it…it certainly has touched me!! your entries are always very thought-provoking, but for some reason today you reached into my bosom and just grabbed my heart. your blog today reached deep into my soul and since i read it earlier this afternoon i’ve done some introspection.

    as i have suffered from depression for the better part of my 36 years (i’ve been officially diagnosed with severe depression several times), i very much can relate to what you have said today. i am in tune with everything around me, and experience the melancholia that comes with being that way. sometimes i feel helpless because i want to make things right, not just for myself, but for everyone, and more so for everyone. sometimes i feel like i can’t cope, but, i do keep plugging along, for the main reason that my daughter depends on me. i remind myself of that whenever i feel like i don’t matter or begin questioning my very existence.

    steve, you’ve touched lives of so many, you just have no idea. keep doing what you do. thank you for caring so much. you are a lovely soul.

    lotza love….

  45. avatar
    mattdavison | 17 August 2006 at 12:07 am #

    Arrgh, Yep!!! All True SK……….ya know I might not be around if it wasn’t for you” Bowie, Iva Davies, Timmy and Neil Finn, James Dean Bradfield (MANICSTREETPREACHERS), ..All my OWN Jeff B’S, Grant..etc!** You must realize You make our lives better every day because of yr music.
    “I will make you all so beautiful” Well you certainly F-in Help ma man.

  46. avatar
    Melquiades | 17 August 2006 at 12:08 am #


    Did your guitar play itself?

  47. avatar
    Melquiades | 17 August 2006 at 12:11 am #

    is it me or does it seem we have become some parallelized line of communication to the source – none intersecting but all the while recieving?

  48. avatar
    Melquiades | 17 August 2006 at 12:20 am #

    I wake n bake.
    I take my baking slow.

    Good poem.

    I haven’t read this in a while. I remember a mentor steered to Roethke.

    What do you dream about? what do we all dream about?

  49. avatar
    Melquiades | 17 August 2006 at 12:21 am #

    what a beautiful thing.

  50. avatar
    gigi | 17 August 2006 at 12:23 am #

    Ditto- g,n

  51. avatar
    Paige | 17 August 2006 at 12:31 am #

    And this from the man who wrote “Feel”…

    Must go blow my nose, now.

    “Gotta’ shake those blues man, dontcha know.”

    Paige (whose veneer is also too thin)

  52. avatar
    Anonymous | 17 August 2006 at 12:39 am #

    My first reaction to reading this is that you are SUCH a VIRGO!!

    Even though you are a wild, out-there, trippin’ hippy you still have a great desire and need for safety. You are a softy inside and quite shy but often come off as aloof and scornful. You worry a lot. You think you know your own mind but your inbuilt virgo wiring often causes you to doubt….

    The upside of all this is that you have a birthday coming up soon! Cake and ice-cream, party hats and balloons…some hand-made art from the offspring…something to look forward to!

    B.Easy on yourself


  53. avatar
    syrinx | 17 August 2006 at 12:54 am #

    Thank you for this sad sweet blog today. Very beautiful stained glass.

    We’d rather your messiah complex over anyone else’s, Mr. K.

  54. avatar
    syrinx | 17 August 2006 at 12:56 am #

    I forgot to add the smiley graphic at the end:


  55. avatar
    syrinx | 17 August 2006 at 12:59 am #

    Which should be a smiley with a wink.


  56. avatar
    Melquiades | 17 August 2006 at 1:30 am #

    i’m in the alley
    where noone goes
    in the paper strewn architecture
    on a concrete lawn

    poor light fills my eyes
    a kind of halogen blur

    the bricks
    the mortar

    Yeah, I’m just a languoring
    Kicking bottles and waiting for you to arrive
    Back by the sweet sick smell of garbage and the cruel light
    of yesterdays high
    yeah, that’s where you’ll find me.

  57. avatar
    CAPTAIN BEYOND | 17 August 2006 at 1:32 am #

    check out me Wednesday’s bloggy for grant mc, me and me lady rescued a zebra finch just for you…

  58. avatar
    Anonymous | 17 August 2006 at 1:41 am #

    you are the image of god. let it flow through you….the sadness the elation.

    love you,
    richard and dena

  59. avatar
    fergal | 17 August 2006 at 1:44 am #

    sk – u feel all those stories (of weeds, paper bags, broken glass, etc.) whereas so many others don’t; and those others rely on gifted ones like yourself to channel, translate & interpet those stories … and u r fanastic & brilliant at that, my good man!

  60. avatar
    mike a | 17 August 2006 at 2:06 am #

    Cheer up Vanilla Skywalker!!!

  61. avatar
    Anonymous | 17 August 2006 at 2:07 am #

    Dear steve, sounds like the black dog has walked past your open window.

  62. avatar
    Anonymous | 17 August 2006 at 2:19 am #

    Steve…thanks so much for pouring out your heart to the world…for caring…for being human…and expressing it. It means a lot to me personally. I was introduced to the Church back in 1985, and have always thought of your music as the perfect balance between happiness and sadness. Your music taught me to look for happiness amidst the sadness, and continues to inspire me to this day. My son was very young when he died…only 3 months old…but I wrote a song about him…if you care to hear it: Out Of Space

    Not so n {{onymous}}

  63. avatar
    syrinx | 17 August 2006 at 2:24 am #

    This was whirring around a friend of a friend’s hurricane just now:

    ii) “…melancholy, the contemplation of the movement of misfortune, has nothing in common with the wish to die. It is a form of resistance. And this is emphatically so at the level of art, where it is anything but reactive or reactionary. When, with rigid gaze, it goes over again just how things could have happened, it becomes clear that the dynamic of inconsolability and that knowledge are identical in their execution. The description of misfortune includes within itself the possibility of its own overcoming.”

    W.G. Sebald

    Be well.

  64. avatar
    Tony Pucci | 17 August 2006 at 2:47 am #

    a good blog, first of all

    we love you for your words
    of course, sk
    but this might be the most
    fundamental thing you’ve ever

    “something inside tells me
    we are right to long for this place”

    i think that sums up your
    body of work quite nicely

    follow your intuition, steve
    it’s a worthy path
    love, pucci

  65. avatar
    smoochgirl | 17 August 2006 at 2:56 am #

    Misery loves company…something’s definitely in the air. Sometimes to feel melancholy is to feel alive, and I love to bask in it and have a good cry; it’s cleansing.

    It’s refreshing to know I’m not the only one going through rough times (although not as rough as some), and not refreshing like I’m glad folks are down in the dumps, but reading SK’S recent entries (how’s your little one, BTW?) and everyone’s replies makes me feel grounded. I feel like people understand and I’m not alone. Most people here seem down-to-earth unlike the superficial surburban bubble I work in which can be nauseating. Things are looking up at my end and hopefully you all find harmony soon.

  66. avatar
    smoochgirl | 17 August 2006 at 3:01 am #

    BTW, Stealthblue, your recent replies couldn’t be more true. My mind is turning to mush at this moment, so before I start typing incoherently, I just want to say right on! *nods off* goodnight!

  67. avatar
    Anonymous | 17 August 2006 at 3:09 am #

    I wrote this a while back….but it just seems so relevant here. I hope you don’t mind me posting it….

    “Suffering became an intimate friend to me at an early age. As a child of five, I witnessed my beautiful mother’s slow and painful deterioration due to cancer. She suffered terribly for ten years and died when I was 15. From this incredibly painful learning experience, a set of values emerged in my life. I viewed the world as superficial and materialistic and asked “Why are people living this way? Why is everyone so consumed with meaningless activity, rushing to do unimportant things…when none of it really matters?” I couldn’t understand what motivated people to feverishly pursue material wealth, to drive themselves to the point of exhaustion to gain status, recognition, wealth, a bigger house, a better car, more qualifications, a better holiday. It made no sense to me. Now, as I look back on my life from this middle age vantage point, I can see that my reaction then was unbalanced and judgemental. How other people choose to live their lives is up to them. But how I choose to live my life is up to me. My values now are primarily spiritual ones. In all endeavours, I try to find meaningful ways to enjoy and contribute to life. I love creating with words and music. I love sharing my creations with friends and family. I don’t have a computer at home, so I use public library or internet cafe facilities to create spiritual blogs which I share anonymously with the world through the web. This is one of my joys and passions. It is something I love doing. There is no recognition, no financial reward, just the love of creating and sharing this creation with others. I’ve also found paid work that I truly love – working with elderly people. It is simple, heart-warming work that enriches my soul. And to counter the lure of this often hectic, fast paced world, I made up a ‘saying’, one that I think best sums up my values these days. It also reminds me to relax when I feel myself getting too caught up in the rush of life….“A headless chook can smell no rose. Slow down and enjoy your life!”

  68. avatar
    Anonymous | 17 August 2006 at 3:58 am #

    Funny, as I logged on to this blog at work, Unguarded Moment came on a radio somewhere in the background.
    It has to be be MMM I guess.
    I wonder if you really can stop doing this in November.
    How to write a final blog – that’s a perplexing thought.

    Dutch Pierre

  69. avatar
    Renee | 17 August 2006 at 4:02 am #

    Ahhhh, you mentioned Jeff Buckley again, I LOVE his music
    I was kinda surprised the first time you mentioned him,
    but then it really isn’t that surprising
    sitting here tonight listening to ‘lover you should’uve come over’
    can a man write words any more romantic? or sing any more soulfully?
    what a tragedy, such a loss
    only heaven knows the reason

    ‘a kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder’

    I just love those words

  70. avatar
    MarkM | 17 August 2006 at 4:32 am #

    Today I have no words…nothing to add…that blog was the ultimate…it encapsulates so many of us, including me…my daily struggle. Your words really moved me, beautiful and sad – they’ve stayed with all day so far and I’ve read them a few times over. I don’t know what else to say except thanks for sharinga and it’s plain to see that the words you write are important to a lot of us.
    Take Care

  71. avatar
    captainmission | 17 August 2006 at 4:57 am #

    it’s time man, it’s just going the wrong way, life is sufferring some one says, it’s not a philosophical truth, its a statement, LIFE IS sufferring. When time flows back, life won’t be sufferring anymore, it will be the opposite. Just hit rewind in yr mind!

  72. avatar
    Anonymous | 17 August 2006 at 5:27 am #

    We love you SK! Keep on keepin’ on! Keepin’ it real.

    Can’t wait to see you in San Francisco this weekend.

  73. avatar
    Anonymous | 17 August 2006 at 5:36 am #

    I’m still here, i read much more than i comment these days.

    Todays blog was wonderful man.

    made me sad and happy all at the same time.

    take care captain, the cruise is almost over.



  74. avatar
    Anonymous | 17 August 2006 at 7:32 am #

    Hi Steve & Posters,
    I read all 66 comments before me & no one mentioned anything about the on glaring thing that you can do to make yourself feel better at least on a small scale…

    Stop eating so much friggin SUBWAY.

    Stop by a grocery store & treat yourself to something nice. It takes the same amount of time.

    I’m not meaning to belittle your post & the wonderful thoughts you wrote about, but your diet is paramount to your health man & can dictate how you feel… Especially the way you’re running all around the world.

    Beyond that & on a deeper level, we all have questions… Tough ones that can bring us down if we can easily see the answer. What do each of us really want out of life? Do we already have it? Challenge yourself to speak truthfully to yourself to answer.

    You can ruin or heal yourself with the power of your thoughts. If you think poisonous thoughts, you will slowly die. Seek out the thoughts & medicines that will heal the hidden hurts.

    You don’t have to try to be happy… Challenge yourself to work on finding that balance between happy & sad.

    Well, anyways… Thanks again for the AWESOME show in Detroit/Ferndale. GODDAMMIT!!! YOU GUYS WERE JUST FUCKING ROCKING THE HELL OUT OF US!!! I JUST WANT TO GRAB YOU AND SHAKE YOU!!!

  75. avatar
    daniel | 17 August 2006 at 7:58 am #

    perhaps someday we’ll sort it all out, steve–perhaps someday we will… and the messiah complexes will subside and we won’t have to run around invoking the prophets for some reminder as to why it’s all worth it–and i won’t huddle in my corner reciting a mantric version of dostoevsky’s “dream of a ridiculous man”, because i believe that i CAN change the world… one act of kindness at a time–and i weep for the children that suffer… and the mother’s, and father’s too… and i wish that i could hear you sing “providence” for grant because i know he’s listening, and i know you’re pouring your soul into it and that’s all that he could ever ask–and i’m sitting beside my own children and i breathe in the scent of their innocence… their curiosity and their hope and i’m so so sad because they’ll be leaving soon and i won’t be there to protect them or tickle them to distract them from their silly fits–perhaps it will be sorted out someday soon, and perhaps there is a place where none of the afflictions of the world can touch us–dear god i hope so…

  76. avatar
    Anonymous | 17 August 2006 at 9:00 am #

    i too have been suffering from empathy in overload all of my life and i’m sure most people feel it too when they finally stop from the madness
    but you know i see it as my blessing. i always feel priveleged when someone tells me their story and usually recognise my own pain within theirs.
    Thanks for letting us travel on your journey and sharing your heart
    Your dad wherever he is will be proud of who you are becoming and i’m so honoured to be part of your circle

  77. avatar
    Anonymous | 17 August 2006 at 9:05 am #


  78. avatar
    calling down baal and zeus | 17 August 2006 at 9:53 am #

    singin,. searchin,. laughin,. learnin,..
    im growin with you and were growing in time ,..its gonna be good ,..its gonna be fine

    hush ,..hush your mouth ,..
    and listen ,..listen to me,..
    wings on a tree ,.runnin around with breeze,.and sky ..and rain and river….

    life is tortured and the world is bellicose …
    but im not gonna tell my sisters children …..yet..

    they need to shute and ladder their way through their own places
    and neverending stories….

    the department of motor vehicles wants more money ,..but the old mazdas swan song was and will remain the sellersville trip,..and lindsay raes dodgey spirit sputtered out two weeks prior to this post….
    im not gonna tell the children
    bout these worries either,…
    gonna jus keep showin up with harmonicas ,kazoos and shiny monies from far away places,…let them continue their dreaming,…for now…

    i miss buckley too ,..a silver sweet ribbon that melts around yer heart,..i never met grant but he always met me full on,.each time…

    i love you ,..the people here ,..
    i still cant describe what it is i think youve done with this …

  79. avatar
    Malika | 17 August 2006 at 10:00 am #

    If only I were there.
    I am one of those
    Who would love
    To confort you.
    I know what “sadness” means…


    PS : Just yesterday,
    I was thinking again
    Will the world be really ok someday ?…

  80. avatar
    Anonymous | 17 August 2006 at 10:27 am #

    I wish there was a way to get to that place where everything is as it should be too sk. If you work out how to eventually get there, pleeeeease let me know ok!
    Do you realise you’ve healed so many peoples lives just with your words and music alone sk, you’re a “one in a million”, and I’m so lucky to have met you (quite a few times!) and have someone like you in my life…I hope it’s forever sk. (stop cringeing!!)

    As the late & great Marvin Gaye sang…”heal me, my darling”……anytime!


  81. avatar
    rubikon | 17 August 2006 at 10:27 am #

    Hi Steve,

    I don’t really know you and we’ve never met, and probably never will.

    But I feel the same way as you sometimes, some of us are born with a layer of skin missing, a little bit too sensitive to the world, a little bit too aware.

    Any gift – and you are certainly a gifted man – is a two edged sword and not everone seems to realise that – after all, most people you meet are half asleep, not really awake or aware.

    It’s all relative I guess and I don’t profess to be anything like you or to feel like you, and I guess all we ever see is just the tip of the iceberg, but, Thankyou for being yourself and being real.


  82. avatar
    Richard | 17 August 2006 at 10:35 am #

    Your latest post convinces me that it is well and truly time that we all make a concerted effort to come up with some Church JOKES.

    Surely with the combined wit of your good self and the many who share their words on this blog we can raise a giggle or two to tide you through the last days of the tour.

    I’d hoped to actually HAVE a Church joke to tell but haven’t managed to think of one. I’m not even sure there ARE any.

    But there damn well should be.

    A few possible starters:

    How many Church fans does it take to change a light bulb?

    Why did the Church fan cross the road?

  83. avatar
    Anonymous | 17 August 2006 at 10:41 am #

    ‘almost with you’ as a footy song…now that was a great church joke.

  84. avatar
    lorrain | 17 August 2006 at 10:50 am #

    dear romantic,
    It’s OK to be sad, as you know, somedays. We all feel it, the distance.
    Most sadness comes from alienation and lack of communication
    Ah Sturm und Drang, the Revolution
    language, that is what it’s mainly about really, and you did so good for us with it, all your lovely creations
    Let’s spread the good contagion, of joy, with words
    though one must have reason to
    the hurt n the heart
    the missing
    damn politics
    All you play, paint, sing and write is always a pleasure dear troubadour
    seeing through what is important and what is not is the way to go.
    a bit abandoned too, but believing thanks to knowledgeable druids like you…
    You have the power to alleviate loneliness with your enchanting spells

  85. avatar
    isolde on the wing | 17 August 2006 at 11:27 am #

    brotherz and sistarz all of these writings are very beautiful
    I want to say thank you to sk family for sharing you with us
    my dad was an english teacher and we had to share him with thousands of stewed ants so mostly he was busy and sometimes distracted but very loving and witty and wise
    and he taught me how to appreciate beauty and words and sunsets and being in nature and art and the world and truth and honesty especially in writing
    your mum would forget her pain when she reads how everyone loves her son
    thanks for being there so we can all live in this state of love
    once i heard robina courtin speak and she taught me something along these lines
    the urge to save is a little bit like the urge to control, it works in reverse
    you can only save yourself and you can only control yourself and when you appear as a self actualised self controlled person others are inspired to follow
    and they will save themselves and control themselves
    and not only that they will have the satisfaction of having done it themselves
    they will have grown, like the trees that they are
    with love, isolde

  86. avatar
    Anonymous | 17 August 2006 at 12:01 pm #

    Right on, Isolde.

    You on the money there.


  87. avatar
    (('{~_~}')) | 17 August 2006 at 12:35 pm #

    Steve, you have touched my very being. I bawled my eyes out when I read your post this morning. It has stayed with me the entire day. My heart is full of sadness.

    What a truly beautiful soul you are. It is hard isn’t it, feeling too much. I too am guilty of having the messiah complex at times. I get to the point of obsession with helping people I feel need it. As a child I wished for hands that could heal.

    A friend emailed me this today. The timing was strange. It’s a bit lengthy!

    The Sand piper by Robert Peterson

    She was six years old when I first met her on the beach near where I live. I drive to this beach, a distance of three or four miles, whenever the world begins to close in on me. She was building a sand castle or something and looked up, her eyes as blue as the sea.

    “Hello,” she said.

    I answered with a nod, not really in the mood to bother with a small child.

    “I’m building,” she said.

    “I see that. What is it?” I asked, not caring.

    “Oh, I don’t know, I just like the feel of sand.”

    That sounds good, I thought, and slipped off my shoes.

    A sandpiper glided by.

    “That’s a joy” the child said.

    “It’s a what?”

    “It’s a joy. My mama says sandpipers come to bring us joy.”

    The bird went gliding down the beach. Good-bye joy, I muttered to myself, hello pain, and turned to walk on. I was depressed; my life seemed completely out of balance.

    “What’s your name?” She would not give up.

    “Robert,” I answered. “I’m Robert Peterson.”

    “Mine’s Wendy… I’m six.”

    “Hi, Wendy.”

    She giggled. “You’re funny,” she said.

    In spite of my gloom, I laughed too and walked on. Her musical giggle followed me.

    “Come again, Mr. P,” she called. “We’ll have another happy day.”

    The next few days consisted of a group of unruly boy scouts, PTA meetings, and an ailing mother. The sun was shining one morning as I took my hands out of the dishwater. I need a sandpiper, I said to myself, gathering up my coat.

    The ever-changing balm of the seashore awaited me. The breeze was chilly but I strode along, trying to recapture the serenity I needed.

    “Hello, Mr. P,” she said. “Do you want to play?”

    “What did you have in mind?” I asked, with a twinge of annoyance.

    “I don’t know. You say.”

    “How about charades?” I asked sarcastically.

    The tinkling laughter burst forth again. “I don’t know what that is.”

    “Then let’s just walk.” Looking at her, I noticed the delicate fairness of her face. “Where do you live?” I asked.

    “Over there.” She pointed toward a row of summer cottages.

    Strange, I thought, in winter. “Where do you go to school?”

    “I don’t go to school. Mommy says we’re on vacation.”

    She chattered little girl talk as we strolled up the beach, but my mind was on other things. When I left for home, Wendy said it had been a happy day. Feeling surprisingly better, I smiled at her and agreed.

    Three weeks later, I rushed to my beach in a state of near panic. I was in no mood to even greet Wendy. I thought I saw her mother on the porch and felt like demanding she keep her child at home. “Look, if you don’t mind,” I said crossly when Wendy caught up with me, “I’d rather be alone today.” She seemed unusually pale and out of breath.

    “Why?” she asked.

    I turned to her and shouted, “Because my mother died!” and thought, My God, why was I saying this to a little child?

    “Oh,” she said quietly, “then this is a bad day.”

    “Yes,” I said, “and yesterday and the day before and — oh, go away!”

    “Did it hurt?” she inquired.

    “Did what hurt?” I was exasperated with her, with myself.

    “When she died?”

    “Of course it hurt!” I snapped, misunderstanding, wrapped up in myself. I strode off.

    A month or so after that, when I next went to the beach, she wasn’t there. Feeling guilty, ashamed, and admitting to myself I missed her, I went up to the cottage after my walk and knocked at the door. A drawn looking young woman with honey-colored hair opened the door.

    “Hello,” I said, “I’m Robert Peterson. I missed your little girl today and wondered where she was.”

    “Oh yes, Mr. Peterson, please come in. Wendy spoke of you so much. I’m afraid I allowed her to bother you. If she was a nuisance please accept my apologies.”

    “Not at all — she’s a delightful child.” I said, suddenly realizing that I meant what I had just said.

    “Wendy died last week, Mr. Peterson. She had leukaemia. Maybe she didn’t tell you.”

    Struck dumb, I groped for a chair. I had to catch my breath.

    “She loved this beach, so when she asked to come, we couldn’t say no. She seemed so much better here and had a lot of what she called happy days. But the last few weeks, she declined rapidly…” Her voice faltered, “She left something for you, if only I can find it. Could you wait a moment while I look?”

    I nodded stupidly, my mind racing for something to say to this lovely young woman. She handed me a smeared envelope with “MR. P” printed in bold childish letters. Inside was a drawing in bright crayon hues – a yellow beach, a blue sea, and a brown bird. Underneath was carefully printed:
    A sandpiper to bring you joy

    Tears welled up in my eyes, and a heart that had almost forgotten to love opened wide. I took Wendy’s mother in my arms. “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” I uttered over and over, and we wept together. The precious little picture is framed now and hangs in my study. Six words — one for each year of her life — that speak to me of harmony, courage, and undemanding love. A gift from a child with sea blue eyes and hair the color of sand — who taught me the gift of love.

    NOTE: This is a true story sent out by Robert Peterson. It happened over 20 years ago and the incident changed his life forever. It serves as a reminder to all of us that we need to take time to enjoy living and life and each other. The price of hating other human beings is loving oneself less.

    Life is so complicated; the hustle and bustle of everyday traumas can make us lose focus about what is truly important or what is only a momentary setback or crisis.

    This week, be sure to give your loved ones an extra hug, and by all means, take a moment… even if it is only ten seconds, to stop and smell the roses.

    This comes from someone’s heart, and is read by many and now I share it with you…

    May God bless everyone who receives this! There are NO coincidences!

    Everything that happens to us happens for a reason. Never brush aside anyone as insignificant. Who knows what they can teach us?

    I wish for you, a sandpiper

  88. avatar
    syrinx | 17 August 2006 at 12:37 pm #

    Q: How many Church fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

    A: What does Steve think?

  89. avatar
    syrinx | 17 August 2006 at 12:43 pm #

    (richard!!!! what a fun idea! *__* )

  90. avatar
    Michael Barone | 17 August 2006 at 12:50 pm #


    Often when I am partaking in my morning ritual – coffee and reading your blog-I get goosebumps
    because it is often as though I am reading my very own thoughts, feelings and words. In the least your blog has made me feel not so alone in my thought process.
    By the way, as always, I was at the NYC show and it was brilliant.
    Thanks for keeping on keeping on Steve,
    Michael Barone-New Haven, Conn.

  91. avatar
    John Garratt | 17 August 2006 at 1:03 pm #


    Thank you for the backstage hookup. I hope you got some sleep.


  92. avatar
    syrinx | 17 August 2006 at 1:10 pm #

    I wasn’t gonna say it but this one made me cry today. The tone came first, and I reacted to that. But finally, when I really let myself accept the lines:

    to be able to make it alright again
    so everyone was happy
    and everyone was fulfilled and content
    and there was someone for everyone
    i believe..
    something inside tells me…
    we are right to long for this place

    I took off my stupid glasses and cried. That had to have hurt so much more to write than to have read. Cause you had to have felt it first. Again. Thank you for this one.

  93. avatar
    Tokin' Jester | 17 August 2006 at 1:34 pm #

    Without sadness—Happiness would be alot like the way I sing–Very Flat

  94. avatar
    Samosanx | 17 August 2006 at 2:10 pm #

    Thankyou Steven for singing Providence, even though I can not be any theres to hear it….it comforts me to know you are singing beauty and tenderness into the world, on your persian carpet of all your other words and music

    I have parked the car in the middle of a stormy windswept night at Coogee Beach and blasted that song out of the car door speakers while standing alone on the bonnet with open arms, I have muttered it like a mantra while on my knees in Fitzroy Crossing in a house full of ghosts after being punched,I have held on to it like a rock when it was hard, nay almost impossible to keep going
    I have gotten on a plane and rushed to a kitchen table in Bondi Beach to sit with another to listen to it weeping

    Thankyou congregation of souls here in savant’s “strange white hall of voices”, (is it the alignment of planets?)

    Thankyou Steven for embracing sorrow and melancholy and providing for us your temple of humanity, it appears you speak for many and it feels sorta like we are holding hands

    I am reminded of the feeling at the Lee Perry gig in Sydney, so many people so excited to be there, so high, so smiling and good natured in a rock’n’roll venue, everyone grinning…and then, when the curtains closed, reverential silence, cheshire grins, like a big breath of fresh air in our lungs, sanctified

    I think you must be a lay preacher

    That guy you met in the lift, the red balloon, Aubrey Abakasa, renee’s beautiful eye, wallpaper patterns, are all connected, through you…………..

    I hope you don’t mind but I am putting sadblog under my pillow tonight, after my day of weeping, for my lullaby

    ps: maybe you could record an album of children’s stories – I’d love to put on Sk reading “Wynken, Blynking and Nod” right now

    love to you SK and all fellow travellers, and thanks.

    nigh night


  95. avatar
    Chela | 17 August 2006 at 2:26 pm #

    How many Church fans does it take to change a light bulb?

    None. They’re too busy sitting in the dark listening to Obscured By Clouds.


  96. avatar
    Jen Jewel Brown | 17 August 2006 at 3:43 pm #

    Steven, you’re beautiful. I too have had a blue, flat day, as has Sienna… I think there must be a planetary confounding going on, maybe Xena and all those new planets-in-waiting throwing their energy around… I’ve recently been written an obituary for my beautiful friend, the poet/photographer/black activist Lisa Bellear, died in her sleep last month at 45, kinda like Grant, but she never even felt bad, no warning… Hard to realise these exceptional creatures are mortal, that we’re all mortal, that death is a part of life, that it’s all perfect somehow, that it all happens in its own time, that we can’t save them all… Blue day, blow away, blow away dandelion….


  97. avatar
    JJ | 17 August 2006 at 3:46 pm #

    SK –

    I read this one from the road, and it made me pause, removed me from the immediacy of where I was, what I needed to do for my daily bread. I knew suddenly that my affinity for your songs, your point of view, the moods they evoke – that there was a connectedness there. I feel it now. The melancholy; an old friend ya know. Comes and goes, though I try not to live there. I could tell you’d been there too even before I’d read this. You never know what’s around the corner, so I keep walking. Sometimes great happiness and beauty – so I keep walking.

    Hope it’s a brief visit for you. A powerful blogge, courageous one too. See you in S.F.


  98. avatar
    nick d | 17 August 2006 at 3:51 pm #

    The cincinnati show sounded great, even if the sound guy was driving everyone on stage crazy. certainly the loudest “acoustic” show I’ve ever been to. really liked rob dickinson as well. hope you enjoy the tomatoes and peppers – much better than the crap subway ships in.

  99. avatar
    sue cee | 17 August 2006 at 3:53 pm #

    Steve, I rushed around getting ready for work this morning but after reading your blog I didnt want to go. I felt sad and blue but I dragged my sorry self out the door and cranked up My Sharona. It didnt work. But the kids at school cheered me up without realising and later in the day we played even louder music, by the time I got home I was smiling again and listening to ULTC (Unified Field is a great pick-me-up too). Its been a bad week with kids from broken homes breaking my heart. I can never give them enough love and loud music 🙂 but then I realised later that sadness is a good thing too, it means you’re alive and the things you said resonate with me SO much!

    Best wishes to you too Samosanx, you made me shed a few tears too. I hope there are sunnier days ahead for you!

    Time to lay my weary head and dream of October just up the road.

  100. avatar
    Anonymous | 17 August 2006 at 4:07 pm #

    “The Sand piper by Robert Peterson ” What a beautiful touching read.
    It really made me think…The next time I start to moan about nothing, im gonna read that again and again…

    I do believe in ‘Affirmations’ and feeling good about yourself comes from within, believe in yourself and you can conquer anything! The materialistic things we surround our selves with mean nothing in the end.

    Surround yourself with the people that really love you, and let them know how much you love them too. It costs nothing…

    XX Di XX

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