being fast asleep
what is sleep?
can we define these simple things?
what is sleep
what is love
what is a song
what is life
the being sleeps his restless sleep
the tv flickers
its that movie
yeah you know the one from the last installment
in the previous episode
that film about this blokes life
some guy from the twentieth century
one of namen turners best ever roles
he learnt to play the bass just to do the film
someone poured a lotta dough into this biopic
enter one dan frankowitz :
hell im just a midwest boy
i went to college and got a degree
now i run uni-mount and para-versal films
i just loved the chirch growing up
my elder brother brad played em all the time
my mom hated em
“i dont know how you boys listen to the depressing trash” she said
dad called it music for” layabouts who dont know real music”
aunt debbie said it wasnt music at all
and she said that stephen kilby couldnt fucking sing!
she was right!
but i still loved em you know
i have one ipod for each of their albums
and each day i manage to listen to at least 100 of their songs
i named my theme park in florida el parko descuidado
i own all the original locations where any album was recorded
and last night i made the winning bid
for richard ploogs heyday shirt on ebay
completing part of the west wing of my chirchyworld museum in montana
when i took over as the ceo here
we made a few huge pictures ….
pictures that defied all box office expectations
like the gormenghast movies…
they said people didnt want stuff like that
but they did!
anyway what the fuck…?
im the boss right…..!
i said i wanna make this picture
its about stephen kilby right….?
people here’d say
boss no-one out there has heard of the guy
i’d say everyone knows under the milky way right?
people wake up…it was on miami vice ferchrissakes
anyway i say bring me some stars…some real stars
tom hanks as his brother rusty
garth merenghi as his brother jack
judi dench as juicy wallop
so we get chris walken as peter copes
we get danny day lewis as martie piper-wilson
we get charlie sheen to do tim prowse
julia roberts had already jumped at the chance to play natalie dolphin
a real coup…the swedish twins were playing themselves
after the olsen twins fucked up the accents
of course nobody was quite right as kilby himself
until i saw a film with turner in it as some mad genius organist
jesus i knew hed have to be my leading man….
but the film ran into a lotta problems
turner had problems with the beard-wig
particulary the adhesive which gave him hives
but in the early scenes…
during the unguarded moment video remake
god he was a dead ringer
except that namens only 5 foot 7
and kilbys 5 11
so er…namen was looking a little short against chrissy walken there
he had a few nasty accidents fallin off his perch there too
i can tell ya…
he and julia hadda real chemistry tho
particularly the scene where the final daughter crimson kilbey is born
when the anaesthetist took off his mask
and it was ricky gervais doing the epidural…
it was a showstopper!
i believed in this film to transcend kilbys status
as an appendix to a footnote
on a dusty shelf
in the museum of obscurity
theres a powerful message here
a tale of redemption
of overcoming mammoth odds
and thats just while hes still in high school!
unfortunately the film went straight to video cassette
and got its premier screening in mom n pop motels
around the world simultaneously
the motel chain said
“its a great film for getting em outta the rooms in the morning”
of course i was a little devastated
but thats showbiz
cue the final curtains