posted on December 15, 2006 at 8:08 pm

g’morning fiendss
its 7.21 here chez kil
the olde zeitbeing is up early blogging away
faining to win the hearts of his patrons
yessaday a big day
an unseasonal cold wet spell has hit syddley
(global warming!?)
well i guess its more christmassy than blazing blue skies
elli n minna however are a little dismayed
theyd hoped for suntans n balmy days
but ended up with pouring rain and restless doodles
talking of doodles
me nk n b bumper drove out to toyz r uss in the horrible big place
as soon as olde sk walks in
just like superman being exposed to green kryptonite
the fluoro lites n the rows of soul-less toys starts doin’ me head in
i start off with nausea and that slides downwards to a dull panic
is this my fault?
or have i just cultivated this bullshit to appear “above it all”?
you know
i do want to be above it all
dont you?
i just feel like all the time i spend on that kinda thing
in that kinda place hurts me..
although i dont resent or begrudge having been there
its just that…
i cant explain..
anyway nk is quite the opposite here
she runs round looking at things
eventually she asks if the bumper cant have her own “stuffed animal”
(an unfortunate saying…?)
shes already picked out this little bulldoggy one
and the bumpers arms go out n shes starts twitchin’ n moanin’
like shes a zombie under a hex…
when shes gets the little bulldog in her arms
shes like a drowning man clutching at straws
a desperate cuddle like shes just found her little lost pup
eve n aurora getta loada stuff
i guess theyre gonna love it
but i guess im no longer a “toy” boy
meanwhile in the elli n minna show
things are par for the course
i blow it when i find out elli n minna are going to a party
all my eloquence
all my knowledge of language
disappears when i argue with either set of twins
and then they
just as i did
when i wassa precocious little smart-arse wally
they correct little details in what i say
i call the twillies doodles
and i call the doodles twillies
often in the heat of the moment
twillies stop strangling the bumper!!!
er actually dad…we’re the doodles….
in the car in a bizzy street
quickly doodles i cant stop here
where do you wanna be dropped off???!!!!
daddy you called us the doodles no daddy…..
(and thatd be in stereo in unison, folks)
anyhow the twillies are invited to a party
they immediately go on full defensive manoevres
when i try to “interrogate” elli
while minna joins in with angry jeers n outraged laughter
then their mother rings up
elli talks to her for a while n hangs up
what did she say about the party i ask
elli says its cool if you think so
well well well
the phone rings a minute later
seems that mama back in the olde country
reckons elli just hung up on her
and that it definitely aint that cool with her
elli keeps saying whatever to everyone
and i must say in the mouth of a petulant teenager
that it makes me feel like the major from fawlty towers
confronting the sheer immovable obstinancy of youth
i bluster about saying stuff that makes the twillies writhe
n exclaiming in swedish
sydneys a bit harder faster n nastier than stockholm i say
men herre gud minna splutters or “whatever” it was minna
if you read this blogge
i dont remember ALL the tiny details
the way you 2 apparently do
but i cannot complain
because i was exactly the same at this age
especially with my dad
when wed have arguments
my nonchalance over his “old-fashioned” ideals
my laziness n ingratitude etc
would infuriate him…
i never stopped loving the old boy for a moment
but i was amazed at my ability to get this normally placid guy
absolutely tongue tied n ready to murder me
well the twillies are a double blast of youthful euro insouciance
they can handle sydney and theyre horrified
when i say im gonna pick em up
no daddy! no o o o o oh!
well we all get a chance to play every role
it really doesnt seem that long ago
that i was the antagonist
and i was the rebel without a clause
so anyway
thats enuff of that stuff
fambleys can be ruff
lassa nite more rehearsals for the show
we spend lotsa time talking bout the characters
and i find it very helpful
for the 1 st time we run thru the first bit
off the book
no scripts
its a bit like having yer first swim without the floatie
nothing holding you up anymore
i dont do as bad as i thought i might
maybe not as good as i wanted either tho
but its starting to happen
like the choreography of a zebra n a lion
peter n jerry must seamlessly intertwine
we rehearse hard and we back up n down the play
fine tuning n even finer tuning
words n gestures must unravel fluidly fluently
it must seem like its happening
you gotta lock in like a musical duo
it aint about me
im a supporting character
and im glad too
im too olde to play jerry
and i could never remember the page after page
of the jerry n the dog speech
i get a new respect for actors
musicians can drift a little in their heads
actors gotta stay focussed baybee 100 %
you cant slip outta character for even a second
or yer illusion is shattered by a moments loss of concentration
so its quite tiring to run over scenes
again n again
cos you gotta keep giving it all you got
or you dont know what you got at all
the director thinks its going very well
and thats inspiring…right?
today is another overcast day
its so cold i got my socks n boots on
in the middle of australian summer
i believe that some sweet blessed rain fell
where it was needed
and we can only be thankful for that
the twillies are now up n haranguing me
as i write
anticipating todays blogs criticism
elis going whatever whatever whatever again
in my day id say to my dad
dont chuck a william about it
and my dad’d do just that
n chuck a fuckin’ william
whatever that means
thats it!

37 Responses to “selling kilbey by the blogge”

  1. avatar
    damien | 15 December 2006 at 9:33 pm #

    I’d suggest that you attend the party with the twillies, Steve. Their dad’s a rock star for heaven’s sake! There’s no way that dad could ever cramp their style!

  2. avatar
    John Garratt | 15 December 2006 at 10:01 pm #

    “whatever whatever whatever again”
    “dont chuck a william about it”


    Amazing. When I was lectured, I just looked somewhere else and drifted off, never saying a word to my dad. I wonder if he thought I was braindead.


  3. avatar
    veleska1970 | 15 December 2006 at 10:08 pm #

    isn’t it intersting of how “what goes around comes around”, especially where one’s children are concerned. my daughter is a little wisecracking smart-ass~~just like i was. i guess it’s karma for all the crap you dish out to your parents when you are the child, and then when you grow up and have them, they punish you for what you did as a child by tossing everything you did right back at you.


  4. avatar
    davidcwelker | 15 December 2006 at 10:21 pm #

    wow, i thought i was the only one that felt that way when walking into toyz aint me.

  5. avatar
    ambnt1 | 15 December 2006 at 11:08 pm #


    That was sweet. Just play Elli some Oophoi, should calm down that “whatever” talk right away.


    n.p. The Replacements, “Tim” (boozy n’bluesy, these guyz rocked HARD!)

  6. avatar
    Anonymous | 15 December 2006 at 11:19 pm #

    What was that about? What the F was I thinking – no, I wasn’t thinking – I was being a dick wad. And then I copped it, I’m very very sorry.

  7. avatar
    CSTCoach | 15 December 2006 at 11:33 pm #

    That was hilarious. I’ll never have kids, cause I’m afraid all the rotten things I did (multistage plots, pranks, and intricate concertos of revenge…) will come back to bite me on the karmic ass. A true karmic hit (sorry).

    You know SK, gotta say I sympathize with ya. I can’t understand why they wouldn’t be happy as hell to be picked up apres party by a rock star. You’re underappreciated.

    Seems we got yer weather by accident. It’s rainy here, but I’m still wearing a spring jacket in december. The Great White North must be in siddley on vacation.

    Wish I could see the play! Sounds cool.

    Any word on Shriek? Where or how can we see it? Will it come to miserable backwater Canada?


  8. avatar
    stealthblue | 15 December 2006 at 11:34 pm #

    God bless you, sir. I couldn’t even imagine putting up with another version of me as a teenager, let alone 2 at a time and GIRLS at that!!! Then you got another wave coming shortly after. It’s like your a surfer of the big waves…just keep your head up and your feet planted! Holy smokes…and I bet you do (smoke), because if it weren’t for that blessed sacrament, you probably really would go “Chuck a William” (whatever that means, but I like it!) That phrase is almost as good as “Alright, alright, Don’t lose your glob!”
    Well, kiddo, you’re da BEST!! Wish you and the famblay well. Hang in there, buddy.
    Benn V.

  9. avatar
    Anonymous | 15 December 2006 at 11:39 pm #

    SK, your Dire Straits story at the NSC reminded me … when I was about E & M’s age, a friend & I stood outside Festival Hall just to listen to the Chrunch’s set. I didn’t care for DS then or now, & probably didn’t have enough money to buy a ticket anyways. At one point Mr Knopfler walked past & half-smiled expectantly (waiting for an autograph request?) We just gave him a ‘whatever’ look…

    Perhaps you could pick the twillies up after the soiree – with the agreement that you’ll wait in the car for them, & if they’re not out by a specific time, you will be forced to come in & git ’em – their punctuality might amaze you!
    MD x

  10. avatar
    CeciliaGin | 15 December 2006 at 11:46 pm #

    Why do you reckon I have no children…my Mum kept saying to me “Just wait until you have kids!”

    elis going whatever whatever whatever again

    Eli dice lo que sea, lo que sea, lo que sea…

  11. avatar
    Anonymous | 16 December 2006 at 12:02 am #

    Doesnt matter who your dad is, its still your DAD and its embarrassing as hell. But stick to your guns and lay down the law (can you say that these days? I always ring the hosts parents too – yeah this is no time to be cool. Right with ya SK.. hardest thing Ive ever had to do. I’d really love to be a fly on the wall when you do your ‘nana though πŸ™‚

    Do you do the ‘talk to the hand’ thing?

    Maybe you can channel that frustration into the play?!

  12. avatar
    Anonymous | 16 December 2006 at 12:23 am #

    ps my 14yr old flew sydney to home on her own yesterday, most nervous time of my life. You guys have done well!

  13. avatar
    Anonymous | 16 December 2006 at 12:25 am #

    ps sorry πŸ™‚

    my friend’s nanny does ‘talk to the elbow, you’re not worth the extension’! Now her kids use it!

  14. avatar
    leelinau | 16 December 2006 at 1:15 am #

    cos you gotta keep giving it all you got or you dont know what you got at all



  15. avatar
    Anonymous | 16 December 2006 at 1:34 am #

    Just wait until they turn 18 and you no longer have any control like you do now and they do the stupid things that’ll drive you nuts. It is so hard to let go…just wait!

    ed in fl

  16. avatar
    Anonymous | 16 December 2006 at 2:44 am #

    Well, I don’t have any teen advice for you sk, my little one has quite a few years to go before he gets to the “doesn’t want to know mummy” phase, and I ain’t looking forward to it!(but he’s always been a bit of a mummy’s boy, so maybe he’ll always love me….yeah right!!!
    I know, maybe nk can dress up like a teenybopper and follow them to the party in disguise, sneak in and keep a close eye on the action, what do you think..haha?

    Good luck with it all my sweet and try to have a worry-free weekend!

    Love always,

  17. avatar
    Anonymous | 16 December 2006 at 3:00 am #

    Sign you and Marty up as the entertainment at the party!

    Makes me think of an early Peter Sellars’ movie “The Party”

  18. avatar
    Anonymous | 16 December 2006 at 3:01 am #

    Surely a genius such as yourself would understand that ‘global warming’ isn’t just about having lots of hot days. Climate change perhaps is easier to get your head around. Unseasonable weather is happening all over the planet. But what the hey join in with the right wing mockery festival while we all go to hell in a handbasket.

    For fuck’s sake go to wikipedia or somewhere and educate yourself.

  19. avatar
    relic | 16 December 2006 at 3:59 am #

    Why do people always have to box everyone’s views into right wing or left wing? what if you question everything, as i do?

  20. avatar
    Anonymous | 16 December 2006 at 5:35 am #

    i can’t say i know what it means to be a parent – watching over twillies and doodles, but i did have a panic attack at a Boarders Book Store once, and then every time i enter a K-mart (i did ketamine once too it made my head feel as if it were made of cement and i couldn’t pick it off the floor – thank jupiter for those moments – the ones you KNOW you will never go back to – not in 12 million years…). i think i do KNOW the sancitity of life, its need of preservation, instruction – even the hard edged ‘dissapointment’ – that ultimate lesson of acceptance – i do not always get what i want – and how beautiful is that?!?!!

    life is so strange, isn’t it. retorical of course, but i still ask, and then there are always the replies, a strangers voice, a strange voice inside my head, one i imagine is not me, one i imagine is someone else, and something else i imagine has been this way and other ways i can not imagine, for aeons, of eons…

    who is jack.. billbee? is it a secret?

    btw good’ole vermontia has hada warm spell, un seasonably… my lawn is as green as it is in august, what a hoot…

    i remember my first sight of a palm tree.. we are fucked.

    more anonymous
    post soon,


    all the world in love.


  21. avatar
    isolde | 16 December 2006 at 6:45 am #

    anonymous 2.01 if irony had a party would you say you would be invited?

    From Wikipedia
    “H. W. Fowler, in Modern English Usage, had this to say of irony:

    Irony is a form of utterance that postulates a double audience, consisting of one party that hearing shall hear & shall not understand, & another party that, when more is meant than meets the ear, is aware both of that more & of the outsiders’ incomprehension”

    on the subject of the third party i can understand dear sk that you would wish to protect the lovely swedish girls from finding out the truth about awestraylyen men [ok only some of em] but they will discover it sooner or later and it may as well be sooner!

  22. avatar
    bucks burnett | 16 December 2006 at 7:02 am #

    You are correct, sir, all the big chain stores these days are evil and bland, make that Evil’n’Bland. I am allergic to WalMart, cause it’s got no heart. Best Buy? Good bye. K Mart? Not smart. All the malls leave me appalled. But that’s all we got left in Generica, where things keep getting bigger and blander. I think we need to turn Chrissie Hynde loose with a budget and some bombs.

  23. avatar
    Ade | 16 December 2006 at 7:59 am #

    kind of feel like we really know you now as opposed to your pre-blogge days when we I only really knew you through your interviews, songs and records etc., so it’s been enlightening.

    just a doodle-tip-
    i presume they like broccoli, but just in case they don’t, call them TREES (cos it looks like mini-trees) and tell them they’re a giant going around eating all the trees- works with mine everytime!

  24. avatar
    eek | 16 December 2006 at 8:41 am #

    Sometimes when my mum was tired and irritated she just couldn’t get the right name with the right child so finally in frustration she would blurt “You know who you are!” which always caused us great merriment.

    I also remember when I was particularly difficult she would give me “the look” and say “when you have kids I hope they are Just. Like. You.” It didn’t have much effect on me at the time, but a few years later I sure as hell made sure to double and even triple up on birth control methods. πŸ˜‰

    I feel for you with Toys R Us. Last year I made the mistake of telling my niece I’d let her pick out her own birthday gift. Yep, off to Toys R Us we went. It was toy overload. So much stuff I couldn’t focus on anything and all I wanted to do was leave. But my niece was happy and I got points for being “cool” so I guess it was worth it. Nevertheless, this year I made sure to buy her a gift ahead of time so I didn’t have to go back there.

    Anyway, enjoy your herd as much as possible. And if they are too bad you can always rake ’em over the coals here. πŸ˜€

  25. avatar
    Renee | 16 December 2006 at 12:46 pm #

    apparently ‘whatever’ is a universal teenage term to blow someone off
    my niece says it all the time too!!!
    she also does this thing where she accentuates the end of all her words with a short a sound
    especially when your bothering her while shes on the phone or up in her room watching her hip-hop music videos
    eg…what-a, no-a, yes-a, shut up-a
    you get the idea!!
    good luck with them girls,
    i’m tellin ya,
    you’ve got your hands full!!

  26. avatar
    restaurant mark | 16 December 2006 at 2:03 pm #

    first of all…that’s hilarious sue cee! about spit out my coffee on that one. steve don’t worry about feeling bad at toys r us…man, i worked two years there when i was 18-19. christmas was hell!!! the store would be so trashed by the end of the night, we wouldn’t get out of there until like 2 or 3 in the morning. you know, they don’t close till midnight as it is. wasn’t the kids trashing the place as bad as the parents were. saw parents fight over the last hot video game. all sorts of stuff to make you hate christmas. but my kids are for the most part really good and i know how much fun i had getting my toys christmas morning. so ya gotta do it. at least my little boy’s into the same stuff i was (star wars), so i at least understand what i’m buying!
    as for arguing with the kids and them driving you mad…it’s all karma. i’m sure i deserve it…ask my mom and dad. they wouldn’t even hesitate. i officially became my mom a few weeks ago. one of the kids wanted something (who knows) but i said no…they said whyyyy??? i replied, cause i said so! and there you have it…i’m my mom…

    take care man

  27. avatar
    matthew | 16 December 2006 at 3:01 pm #

    oh that made laugh… the major eh? I can become more the full Basil Fawlty at times… and mine is but 12… oh well, I think we can become our parents if we don’t personally intervene – I’m consciously injecting more love, tolerance and hippy artistry than i ever received, so i believe the model is improving thru time (time… time… time… )

  28. avatar
    Anonymous | 16 December 2006 at 3:06 pm #

    this is why i had boys.


  29. avatar
    starfish | 16 December 2006 at 3:24 pm #

    Not a toy boy anymore? Neither was i, until… I read the Neil Young Biography “Shakey” and was inspired to buy a Lionel train set for ’round the x-mas tree. Toy trains are very relaxing, and put your mind somewhere else away from negative forces. It reminds me much of playing guitar in that sense. Try it. πŸ™‚

  30. avatar
    Anonymous | 16 December 2006 at 4:52 pm #

    I love reading this side of you. I can feel your frustration.

    My dad calls me his crazy sister’s name, his wife’s name, my mom’s name, depending on how flustered he (still) gets with me. I think it must be a normal parent thing.

    Hope you’re well.

    Miss Grove

  31. avatar
    craig1.618 | 16 December 2006 at 6:54 pm #

    i was lucky in that i had free reign to do as i pleased as a teenager…..i saw my mother as more of a friend than parent…..but then again, i was a boy and you have girls…..big difference i suppose….you can always tell em, ” listen….i love you two very much and i don’t want anything bad to ever happen to ya….that’s why i’m so concerned” ……. as i understand it stockholm is a friendlier and safer city whereas sydney is more rough around the edges and in the corners

  32. avatar
    CAPTAIN BEYOND | 16 December 2006 at 7:05 pm #

    supporting character in WHO’S PLAY!!! me am the only “play” worth seeing…

  33. avatar
    JJ | 16 December 2006 at 8:57 pm #

    Toyz-R-Us, man, that brings back memories. He’s 16 now, but 10-11 yrs ago it was such a challenge to perform the kid-extraction trick from the gravitational force exerted by that place. The useless stuff that was quickly discarded from boredom, and filled plastic bins; I finally donated it all as time went on.

    Can you still converse in Swedish with the Twillies? That’s quite an advantage they would have over the Doodles, NK, or others – to be able to speak in a “secret language” and conceal their conversations. Two exotic 15 yr old Swedish girls; I’ll bet they are getting party invites!

    You had me going back to Selling England for some listening, and damn if I wasn’t one digit off on Firth…. of Fifth. And so with gods and men the sheep remain inside their pen….those are some good lines. But not as good as Yeblik lines. Steve Hackett turned up on a World Wildlife Fund CD I bought, “The Wildlife Album” with a nice piece, as well as Bert Jansch, Jan Akkerman, Richard Thompson – other gifted players.

    The fascinating life at chez kilbee…..good luck with the play.

    JJ (also a Jerry)

  34. avatar
    Anonymous | 17 December 2006 at 2:40 am #

    Isolde go wiki sycophant.

    SK is a big boy who I’m sure can stand up for himself in the face of a bit of anger and criticism.

  35. avatar
    Anonymous | 17 December 2006 at 6:33 am #

    i know exactly what you mean about those fluro lights. what a terrible quality of light, i mean its torture really.
    in the middle of king street newtown there’s a 7-11 with those fluro lights and at night its so overwhelmingly awful to look at, the closer i get the more my head pounds and the more my head pounds the more like i imagine how kyrptonite would feel to superman, its quite awful. when i get to be emporor of the universe they are the first thing that i’m goona get rid off, along with lawyers and people that eat meat.

    have to say your blogs are getting better and better, how do you do it?

  36. avatar
    captainmission | 17 December 2006 at 6:37 am #

    oh sorry that commet above is Captain Mission, i forgot to sign on….

  37. avatar
    Samosanx | 19 December 2006 at 10:59 am #

    Hi Twillies!
    (Ella stop yawning!)…great to cybersee you both. It sounds like you are enjoying Sydanee and that’s a good thing. Yr ole man is a rock star sure, an all that, but as you are both quite sure of yourselves it means he has been a good Dad, and that’s what counts.
    The self esteem and character he and your mum have given you will bode you well for whatever endeavours you wish to engage in ..even rock journalism (shudder!). Go forth ye Twillies!!!
    (p.s. just play a sample of his own Gilt Trip when he guilts ya, ho ho. But anyway it sounds like u2 give as good as u get!)
    love to la famille, the whole famille, all of ya’s! xxx samosanx

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