posted on April 17, 2012 at 5:58 pm

the author at work 2012

light soft rain again

people come and go

i know absolutely nothing

the rain falls thats all

in squalls from the sea

a mist moves towards me from the horizon

it envelopes the sea which becomes opaque

onslaught after onslaught

the valley below disappears in a blur of green grey and white

things become still

the rain falls yes but all else seems to pay attention

sadnesses fall down on me constantly

i now know i will probably never be free of them

my umbrella all bent out of shape

letting anything through

the years with their claws and clauses

the months with their meters ticking

life flies away at terrifying rates

life somewhere else

life in between

life beyond life

life in a day

life in one act

life in one moment

whatever it is you can’t bottle it

its elusive but its running out

life or time who can tell the difference

they evaporate at different rates sometimes

i wish for a new strength a miraculous power

i plot in a silent quiet room above it all

i plot in the rainy day and its silence around

but my thoughts wander and amble

and i can’t remember just where i have been

a disconnection is beginning to gradually occur

always something coming round the corner

expect instant delays

i am fading away on a numb field

its alright

its perfectly natural

things become still

and sleep

like your most wonderful lingering friend

who entices you with oblivion

but then delivers you instead to struggle and toil

deep within sleep you fight on n on

arguing thrashing regretting wrestling lost

in the eternity of my mortal mind

at night i jump through some monsters hoops

trapped in some astral flim flam

half me half somebody else

i devise such plays for myself

in the morning i awake my lines still on my lips

memory and morning merge

and all is only a troubling shadow

that randomly occurs to you in tiny snippets

surely haunting you the rest of your life

47 Responses to “softer than soft”

  1. avatar
    colette | 17 April 2012 at 6:25 pm #

    Life, I was going to say, you have to just keep chiselling away at it but is it chiselling away at us? Que sera.

  2. avatar
    andy | 17 April 2012 at 6:32 pm #

    i have actually for the first time ever, started thinking about my own mortality.
    just in the last few days.
    i must learn to embrace the inevitable perhaps?
    the shadows are growing longer.

    • avatar
      Anonymous | 18 April 2012 at 12:27 pm #

      That was pretty, Andy!

  3. avatar
    Anonymous | 17 April 2012 at 7:49 pm #

    Life will never leave you alone. That’s the problem with it.

  4. avatar
    Goodo | 17 April 2012 at 7:58 pm #

    “Watching my parents wither away is a stark reminder that mortality can be nothing but death cheaters are we all!”

  5. avatar
    Scoot | 17 April 2012 at 8:38 pm #

    when the rain stops Bondi shines. I love the seasons as they accentuate the good and bad. Yin plays yang and the beach is replaced with books. Mr K , your intellect shines like a beacon. Love ya work

  6. avatar
    BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 17 April 2012 at 9:02 pm #

    “Life in a day, life in one act, life in a moment……”

    Life unfulfilled….

    As Andy shares with all of us his thoughts , I am reminded of how similar many of us are. I also have been pondering mortality. With mouths to feed and roofs overhead with a slight leak of water when it rains either quietly or in a downpour , I count quickly the wasted hours , days, even years. Six years ago yesterday, I was injured severally at work. From that moment til today….it feels like no time has passed, and than there are days that I fan never remember my life prior to my injury and medical nightmares. Probably because of my constant reminder of what unfortunately happened. It took a long time for me to come to terms with what happened to me, how it changed my life forever. I wish I knew than, what I know now. Not that I would have done things differently, I believe I may have made some opposite decisions regarding my own health which ultimately effected my current situation and my possible shortened mortality. When someone tells you, than another and another that your physical being is degenerating at an alarming rate and they have neither a solution or an answer….mortality is all a person can think about as I gaze into the crystal blue eyes of my little angel from a rock slab covered with a dry siff sheet called a hospital bed, spent so much time in the past six years viewing life from inside the disinfectant smelling room of many a hospital.
    My oldest brother, who I have no relationship with, this of his own doing – the damage factor of the trail of tears he left behind him as he misled everyone around him.
    He , so sadly, has done it again.
    He had a stroke the other morning, cannot gauge the severity of it considering he know informs the doctors and the Mother we share, that he has had one before. Well, yesterday…. late Monday afternoon here in Chicago, he had another one and is hospitalized again. I can only feel sadness for him right now because I know of all the wasted years he only can wish he had a small percentage back. His life has been SomeWhere Else.
    Now he cannot run from his mortality as it stares across from him oj a reflection from a hospital mirror . Six years seperates us, but it as might as well be six lifetimes.
    Birth certificates do not come with expiration dates…. If they did…would any of us take a sneak peak or just play out their role in lifes short play.

    I would want to know…just so I can ensure the health, safety and well being of those that I will grow to love and if lucky enough to be blessed with ample time on this astral plane….
    I would try to enjoy life and its wonderous gift …..more than I did and currently ….do.

    Darrin JK

    • avatar
      BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 17 April 2012 at 9:06 pm #

      Todays poem hit home sharply and with a sullen sadness that will be hard
      to shake loose from….

      DJK

  7. avatar
    DavidP | 17 April 2012 at 9:18 pm #

    its too easy to get lost in thoughts isn’t it sk
    you’d think just staying aware of the present moment would be easy
    mantras and meditation help me to stay aware and help give me a lift
    no time to wallow in the mire, can’t afford the luxury of despair
    need to generate a force within, an inner strength, that will attract power
    how we act in our dreams can show what was really going on in the back of the mind during the day, we can act like saints here and real sinners there
    the psyche is laid bare in our dreams
    seeing a change for the better in our behaviour in dreams indicates real change
    the mind and the personality are ephemeral
    but our essence is eternal
    need to free it from the ego

  8. avatar
    . | 17 April 2012 at 9:18 pm #

    the children walk through the fog
    a surreal playground for one and all
    and they spin around without falling
    with their arms spread out, standing tall
    and i see myself through their purest eyes
    while i think about the days when i was small,
    and impressionable and more hopeful, if i do recall
    but those days are quickly fleeing just like the fall
    when the leaves break free and heed their eternal call
    and i float away in a childhood dream, beautifully soft
    as i jumpstart my soul to face the days that are oh so long

  9. avatar
    david | 18 April 2012 at 1:56 am #

    ..listening to “american prayer” yesterday makes me want to wish to existence an “australian prayer”..its like hes holding your hand through the whole bizzare landscape created by the word and montage of melody…im always quite astounded by just how close Jimbo seems to be when its on..its hard to miss somebody when theyre in the room..A.P…by s.k….oh would i wish it!

  10. avatar
    Cee | 18 April 2012 at 1:58 am #

    life somewhere else
    la vida en otra parte

    life in between
    la vida intermedia

    life beyond life
    la vida mas allá de la vida

    life in a day
    la vida en un día

    life in one act
    la vida en un acto

    life in one moment
    la vida en un momento

    see? I found my dictionary!

  11. avatar
    Anonymous | 18 April 2012 at 3:11 am #

    Dude u ever go 2 hanging rock?

  12. avatar
    davem | 18 April 2012 at 3:40 am #

    Some beautiful words from you in the last few days Steve. thank-you as always.
    There is no oblivion.
    xx

  13. avatar
    hippy | 18 April 2012 at 5:26 am #

    Seems like it was just New Year’s and now it’s almost May! It’s already yesterday. The planets of our solar system spinning faster, heating up, time moving faster. I can’t even remember what I had for breakfast.

  14. avatar
    Anonymous | 18 April 2012 at 6:14 am #

    Ron Mael wrote ‘The Decline And Fall Of Me’ back in 1982 or so. You’d like it.

  15. avatar
    Anonymous | 18 April 2012 at 6:21 am #

    FREE! There, now go forward.

    You know what makes for a lovely bit of laughter? When in the midst of that rainstorm and you have an umbrella — and then? You turn a corner and the most hugest gust of wind comes up and… inverted ribs and now you feel like some sour-puss silly gus not wanting to be happy/letting it ruin the day – or: you laugh and think to yourself… see, this is why those umbrellas aren’t even necessary. [I’m] okay getting soaked, then it becomes a good memory instead of a ridiculous frustration, and then what? … You look around and all the umbrella salesmen on the street have changed their signs… those umbrellas that right before the storm started were being advertised for $6; now the bastards have changed signs: $12. Hah! I don’t need one, thank you.

  16. avatar
    Once | 18 April 2012 at 9:57 am #

    Dear Lord, SK, this is so beautiful. I just love it. Read it to my friend Janet over the phone and she went, “WOW!” (she’s a New York writer, so this is good.)

    It’s really soft, and basically how I feel, most days…well, EXACTLY how I feel, let’s call a spade a spade. It’s so good that I feel joy instead of envy.

  17. avatar
    Once | 18 April 2012 at 10:15 am #

    Sun outside through palms and pines
    And here the artificial cool streams out
    To protect me from what
    From the nature the heat
    As if I would burn in the air
    And in here there’s dust and fur and shrapnel
    Bits of my life that I no longer need
    But I hold them anyway to mark my ground
    To say that yes I‘ve been here
    Sleeping cats set a prime example
    Why can’t I be so free
    Why can’t I lie down without answers
    Why can’t I pass through the days that are given
    Why can’t I love everything?
    It’s not so different a life is a life
    Mine under a scrutiny of my own mind
    It doesn’t mean don’t care.
    It only means don’t fear.
    Purr.
    Taking a breath and closing my eyes
    I see all that’s past and all that’s to come
    It’s all the same for everyone
    Tiny vessel me
    Little body here a pinball in the machine
    I’ll take your slap and bounce, Lord
    Just let me breathe
    And I’ll learn how to purr.

  18. avatar
    Anonymous | 18 April 2012 at 10:29 am #

    Odin will beat you all with a big stick!

  19. avatar
    Lara | 18 April 2012 at 11:44 am #

    Not sure how you mean the monster’s hoops, but here’s a cool radio story on redirecting nightmares through lucid dreaming:
    http://www.radiolab.org/blogs/radiolab-blog/2012/jan/23/wake-up-dream/

    I have lucid dreams myself, but they only make me peevish; usually find myself within a dream grumpy that I am wasting my precious dreamtime on a crappy one. Apparently my unconscious is an art critic.

    L.

  20. avatar
    Tracey | 18 April 2012 at 12:17 pm #

    saddnesses – inevitable as mortality. go gently

  21. avatar
    Anonymous | 18 April 2012 at 12:27 pm #

    Wow! Absolutely beautiful. Theta defined.

    “memory and morning merge
    and all is only a troubling shadow
    that randomly occurs to you in tiny snippets
    surely haunting you the rest of your life”

    Your Friend in Pennsylvania
    (Now in Cocoa Beach)

  22. avatar
    Steven Krut | 18 April 2012 at 1:58 pm #

    You really capture that sad, gray, sleepy rainy day feeling.

  23. avatar
    Linjo | 18 April 2012 at 3:05 pm #

    Steve you sound very depressed. I think there is a definite imbalance in the natural course of life when you have kids at an older age. I had my dear bunny at 38, the most joyful, beautiful, intelligent being ever. Of course it goes without saying that I wouldn’t change a thing, though I can feel, at 47 an unsettled feeling, perhaps to pursue the next chapter in life, though of course that all goes on the back burner, being a single parent and sole provider and mentor until she goes to uni. I feel such a restlessness but keep it subdued for the good of her. Linda x

    • avatar
      thetimebeing | 18 April 2012 at 6:08 pm #

      agreed but what can i do about it now? just keep on lovin’ em!

    • avatar
      DavidP | 19 April 2012 at 5:24 pm #

      my Dad was 52.5 years old when I was born
      there can be no doubt he loved me and my brother to bits and that’s all that matters

  24. avatar
    Anonymous | 18 April 2012 at 3:41 pm #

    No dreams at all would be best.

  25. avatar
    linjo | 18 April 2012 at 6:46 pm #

    My aim, as I am sure yours is Steve, is for them to look back and think, oh yeah, I was a valued kid! Work, pay the bills, take em to sport, have the pre-tweens over for the weekend. Your creativeness will always give you a sense of purpose Steve. We all need a purpose x

  26. avatar
    Anonymous | 18 April 2012 at 6:50 pm #

    I loved it when Paul Simon said at 55: “I don’t expect to sleep through the night.” If it’s any consolation, Steve, I raised 4 daughters now in their 20’s, and I think the most sacrificial thing you will ever do, and the most rewarding thing you will ever do…is raise kids.

  27. avatar
    Anonymous | 18 April 2012 at 6:51 pm #

    She

    The tide of time
    brought her in and
    onto the fringes of my
    little
    life
    a sandalwood lifeboat
    an exotic turquoise
    bottle of myrrh and aloes
    from distant shores
    come to anoint
    She floated into my
    darkened corners
    bringing light and laughter
    and passion and children
    Lazar-like I rose
    from a dead sleep
    to a new
    vision
    the scales fell
    the blood flowed
    the body warmed
    the heart
    became
    emblazoned
    emboldened
    imbued

  28. avatar
    Chris | 18 April 2012 at 6:53 pm #

    I loved it when Paul Simon said at 55: “I don’t expect to sleep through the night.” If it’s any consolation, Steve, I raised 4 daughters in their 20’s now, and the most sacrificial thing you will ever do, and the most rewarding thing you will ever do…is raise kids.

  29. avatar
    Chris | 18 April 2012 at 6:53 pm #

    She

    The tide of time
    brought her in and
    onto the fringes of my
    little
    life
    a sandalwood lifeboat
    an exotic turquoise
    bottle of myrrh and aloes
    from distant shores
    come to anoint
    She floated into my
    darkened corners
    bringing light and laughter
    and passion and children
    Lazar-like I rose
    from a dead sleep
    to a new
    vision
    the scales fell
    the blood flowed
    the body warmed
    the heart
    became
    emblazoned
    emboldened
    imbued

  30. avatar
    Chris | 18 April 2012 at 6:54 pm #

    50

    The grinding and shaping of life’s material
    With tools made from pain and love and lovelessness
    Aided by the weathering of tears and deep sighs
    The viewing of a receding youth
    Flowing down a stream of memory
    Caught in the swirls and eddies
    Of sentimental reminiscence
    Is this the epitome, the apogee, the climax
    Or is it the gentle winding down in reflection
    Finding forgiveness for past hurts
    Past misunderstandings
    Past arrogant ambitions unfulfilled
    The warp and weft of time’s threads
    Woven into a cloth unfit for public display.

  31. avatar
    Chris | 18 April 2012 at 6:55 pm #

    Truth

    We hold it, we think, in our hands
    And turn it over
    And ponder it
    Like a found fossil in the red soil
    We put our mark upon it and hold it out at arm’s length
    For all to see
    But others see only a worthless muddied stone
    Picked up by a fool with
    no eye for the genuine article.

  32. avatar
    Chris | 18 April 2012 at 6:55 pm #

    Love

    Subject of film and fantasy
    Composed in passion
    Sung in reverence
    Prostituted in advertising
    Lost in transit
    Found in suffering
    Polished by time
    Treasured in late age
    Elusive as Elysium
    Essence of life
    Perfumed ointment for the corpse.

  33. avatar
    Chris | 18 April 2012 at 6:55 pm #

    Youth

    I peer into the cloudy image of
    An old daguerreotype I carry
    And polish
    And augment from time to time
    Reinterpret
    Reinvent
    And edit to suit my taste.
    I’m taller
    Fitter
    More attractive
    More alert
    Less bitter
    A more interesting version
    Of the pastiche I now create
    And hold together
    Poorly
    But am content to present
    As a true image.

  34. avatar
    Chris | 18 April 2012 at 6:56 pm #

    Realism

    Are you an optimist or a pessimist
    Can you see the possibilities within
    In the now and the not yet
    Or is an apocalyptic vision your preferred option
    A Hobbesian nightmare of Gothic proportions
    A Nihilistic panorama of necrotic decay
    Does a paralysing fear encase your mind and viscera
    Or is the hope of things not seen
    But there
    Just over the horizon
    Enough for you
    And your small but persistent dreams and ideals
    Does a light quietly burn
    Fueled by art and poetry and mystery
    And love
    Are you infected by that folly
    a passion
    for
    life

  35. avatar
    Chris | 18 April 2012 at 6:56 pm #

    Journey

    I am making the journey
    To that vast and mysterious shore
    To my self.
    List of things to take for journey:
    Fearless self-criticism
    Emotional scalpel for difficult memory adhesions
    A few psycho-babble self-help manuals
    A good and loyal friend not easily bored
    Poetry and novels and more poetry
    Conversation and plenty of coffee
    Forgiveness and understanding
    A sense of the absurd
    A sense of humour
    A good ear and nose for nonsense
    An interest in exotic contortions of the mind and heart
    A stout pair of walking shoes
    Oh…
    And your self
    ….if they will come….

  36. avatar
    Chris | 18 April 2012 at 6:57 pm #

    Love’s Shadows (In praise of Tom Moore)

    Thoughts of separation
    loss of faith
    and hope
    and Romantic
    Idealism.
    Love finds its soul
    in its
    incompleteness
    impossibility
    imperfection.
    Love is a close relation to death.
    Love takes us
    out of life
    and away
    from
    the plans
    we made
    for our ourselves.

  37. avatar
    Chris | 18 April 2012 at 6:57 pm #

    Some humble offerings, for your interest, Steve. Pax.

  38. avatar
    Chris | 18 April 2012 at 6:58 pm #

    Um…all by me…and inspired by ‘Heyday.’

  39. avatar
    Anonymous | 19 April 2012 at 10:19 am #

    I wouldnt wish this bastard world on anyone so i will never condemn a child to live in it. My never-to-be born will thank me.

  40. avatar
    Anonymous | 20 April 2012 at 7:45 am #

    Is this your blog or chris’s?


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