posted on October 21, 2016 at 10:27 pm
big shot

big shot

yeah look at me kids

im a singer in shiny pants and a big ole mike

suddenly the moment is over

i cant really sing very well but the people clap anyway

thats politeness for you

i am across the social media like margarine spread on a cracker

i must seem to be everywhere but i’m in my rented room in coogee on my own

i impatiently wait for sleep to arrive altho its not even 10 oclock

i dont feel sorry for myself because all the bad stuff was my own doing

my own undoing i should say

i had it all and i lost it all and then i had more and i lost more

when its gone its gone and its gone

the music biz conspires not to pay me what should be coming to me but i hardly care anymore

large sums of money are mentioned but it trickles down slow and arduous

theres always an excuse

my tongue isnt forked its a cat o nine tails

my eyes glazed over i follow only the action i’m interested in

i cant hear whatever you say i dont feel whatever it is

the happiness drops are yet to hit my system

i am expected to believe stupendous fairytails and i sit there barely protesting

i go have a massage i go have acupuncture

as quick as they put it back together it falls apart again

i did and said every wrong thing as i always do

inexplicable things occur

anxiety pursues me

taking up possession in my mind and the voices all pipe up

nowhere seems a good place to be

wherever i am i am in the way

people push around me to get to wherever it is they are going

i derail all the trains that holding precious cargo runaway into evening

i am an anomaly a king without a thing

except an axe to grind

and some blues to sing

life is so bizarre and random

i mean there is a god but i have drifted away into shadow

shadow of nescience

of untruth

i struggle with the darkness sent to get me

why does it want me…?

i couldnt even say

my brilliant mind all amped up the synapses fire non stop

i am not allowed to say i am speechless

the mirror looks tired and gaunt slightly haunted

the horizon stretches out across the barren page where i have written nothing

the rain comes in through the heat where its stifling and dark

my ribcage holds a photocopy of a heart

i was in the moment but the moment is gone

i start to feel sleepy that is at least a good thing

tomorrow i jump on a bus for another gig

some country town i hear i never been before

i will arrive decorated in my shambles

my fiascos will be nicely on display

still the mouth open there comes that voice i mean its ok

blah blah blah the singers sing

what the fuck does that all mean why a big delightful nothing

the drums boom boom crash whack thud

the lights turn blood red

the characters in my life are all in my song

in my one song i sing out man i was strung out in a dream

running around trying to call somebody

i was unaware that i lay in a bed and was dreaming

in the next room i hear myself arguing with someone

my voice getting louder and angrier

my voice and the other voice over the top of each other

no one is listening but me now sitting here typing this up

round and round the argument goes ending back at the start before launching forth again

tears and sneers and cheerless jeering

i cant hear much anyway my ears ring so bad now

i cant even hear myself going on from weeks ago

the window rattles in its pane

some guys are having a drink and a laugh next door

i am detached now

my mind begins to switch off

sundays are the worst day

its friday night

in someones head i will paint the town red

my dreams will be more of the same

some struggle i can never name

wow its 10 22 now thats really past my bedtime

seeing tomorrow i will sing somewhere else

and someone else will hear the song

dont wait up

and i will be right along

 

 

 

 

 

 

9 Responses to “soulscraper”

  1. avatar
    Cath | 21 October 2016 at 10:51 pm #

    wow Steve, that feels a lot of sorrow- the words registered in my chest…. xxx peace to you blessings love Cath

  2. avatar
    matthewjohnwilmott | 22 October 2016 at 12:32 am #

    Steve hit you on a vent vibe feeling shamed about life moments missed and forgotten because they are sometimes hare to remember or be in the moment, if that makes sense.
    Soulscaper hit me hard to the core…

    Sorry Mate
    Nine days late
    Better late than never
    Hey?

    Think
    Not

    Dead Beat
    Dad
    Fuckup
    Cant keep time since it went analouge

    Failure on all counts of failures
    However consitent
    On never meeting manufacturers warranty

    Missed your birthday again
    Missed it by
    Days
    Months
    Years
    Again

    Thats what is
    Fucked
    Up
    Me
    ​Again.

  3. avatar
    revgreene10 | 22 October 2016 at 8:57 am #

    Dearest SK…… all computers now feature a “restore point” but its hard to readjust individual self-perspectives…. in life the pendulum always swings back + forth……historically your personal positives will always outweight (unwarranted) perceived negatives (trying to speak objectively here) so give yerself some credit and wait for the rebound…kind regards ….rev

  4. avatar
    Günter | 22 October 2016 at 8:32 pm #

    All the best from Germany.
    Don’t lose hope.

    Peace & Love to you & yours

    Günter

  5. avatar
    allan_steen | 22 October 2016 at 10:46 pm #

    You will be alright, as you always will be, and we, being the crowd, will love you as being the part of a band we have loved for the longest time…

  6. avatar
    Eskaedor | 23 October 2016 at 6:39 pm #

    Written lines alongside different days. Tiny valium bottles. Traffic and the carried overlapping voices. Shattered lights. Forgotten reasons. Maddening flood of redundancy. Empty boxes. Stalked by defilement. The almighty panic. Firmly breaking. Cool. Admire the shifting sands. Any place is as good as another, to be nothing, but anything.

  7. avatar
    Beatle#9 | 23 October 2016 at 10:33 pm #

    Hey Steve, Check out magnesium chloride. It has calmed me down & eased my mind. We are all deficient in it (body/mind craves it) You have to rub it into yr arms & stomach (then shower) It’s changed my life.

  8. avatar
    Beatle#9 | 23 October 2016 at 11:04 pm #

    Another recent discovery was MSM Sulfur. Similar results as Mag. Chl.


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