posted on August 14, 2008 at 8:45 pm

dear fiendss
seemz ive hit the jackpot this smorning
as i peruse the amazing list of free goodies
awaiting my confirmation
no…not that christian malarkey with a wafer n wine
all i have to do is confirm
that i’m
(and if i’m not…then who else is?)
its that easy
i’m gonna get..
(drum roll please and cheesy show-biz music…)
2 petrol vouchers
i myer gift cert
one b and w gift cert
one woolworths gift cert
a pink i-phone (wow!)
a sony-wega lcd tv
a toshiba laptop
an apple i-phone
need cash? 500 bucks no questions asked
a 500 gift card
a J+B hi fi card

and we all thought that this world
was full of cynical hucksters
playing the old pea n shell game
with gullible idiots som moi
and then
this miraculous cornucopia of stuff
arrives in my e-mail box
all merely awaiting
am i stevekilbey…?
yes i am!
heres yer stuff, then, you lucky sod
thank you very much!
wow…a PINK i-phone
i’ll be texting all my friends like crazy
maybe i’ll get some brian mcfudgeon ring tones
and download some cooool movies too
and same way cooool games
maybe thats what i’ll spend my first five hundred on
that other five hundred….hmmmm
maybe some breakdance lessons
or that autographed spandau ballet kilt
i wont be needing petrol
not with my 2 vouchers
which are small printed pieces of paper
entitling the bear to goods and services
sorry i mean the bearer
what would a grown bear do with a spandau ballet kilt?
i wonder if bears do get certificates from each other
dear bruin this stone entitles you to one large salmon
honey vouchers
confirmation needed: one pink pickanick basket..
gee i’m looking forward to my sat laptop by tosh
wonder if its compatible with my new sony wega lcd tv?
wonder what i’ll get in myer…..some way cooool clothes i’m sure
a pair of those jeans that makes your arse hang out
and yer legs look like sausages…yes
and a fcuk tommy hill-frigger t shirt
and a justin timberlake hat
you know those ones that make you look like a complete fucknuckle
you know
i need to investigate this for my own site
free words awaiting you now
blog vouchers
rant gift certs
i’ll be seeing you all soon…..
on easy street

31 Responses to “steve naive: the lucky guy”

  1. avatar
    matt davison | 14 August 2008 at 10:01 pm #

    “Congrats” Sk you have made it…..

    Well done champion

    good on ya squire

    You Ripper…

    Go for gold

    Get into et mate!!

    told ya you would be paid your dues.

    can you get me a pair of silver shirt cuffs for me at myer my buttons don’t work on my shirt.


  2. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 August 2008 at 10:04 pm #

    all along the watchtower!…do you get a new magazine too?….Q]what do you get when you cross a jehovah’s witness with a “hell’s angels”bikie? a].someone whom knocks on your door,n tells YOU to f*%^ off!…hee hee!…;) good morning,you lu’y ,lu’y borstidde!!;D

  3. avatar
    restaurant mark | 14 August 2008 at 10:43 pm #

    your email box looks like my email box…i’ve got $500 gift cards for every store in the southeast area…my diet pills are ready to be delivered as soon as i confirm (i’m 6’4″ and weigh 165…what?), i’ve got hotel reservations in hawaii just waiting for me to click yes, and an assortment of offers to give me 3 to 4 more inches for free!!! jesus…it’s all fun and games till someone puts an eye out…
    yeah, i think i get five real emails a week…and that might be exaggerating.

    take care

  4. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 August 2008 at 10:56 pm #

    And I have been offered all manner of pills that will turn my john-thomas into a polaris missile.

    Olde Amps

  5. avatar
    Polydora | 14 August 2008 at 11:09 pm #

    Thanks, Steve. You just gave me new word to add to my little arsenal of road rage slurs.

    Now when I yell, in the privacy of my car, at the idiot drivers on the road, my kids will hear “Turn you damn fucknuckle. Turn!”

    Fucknuckle. I love it. Is it a British thang, an Aussie thang, or just a Steve Kilbey thang? You are Steve Kilbey, right? If you wouldn’t mind just confirming…

  6. avatar
    princey | 14 August 2008 at 11:19 pm #

    Haha, an autographed Spandau Ballet kilt!! I remember being dragged to a concert of theirs back in the 80’s, it was just muffled music drowned out by deafening screaming girls and a group of oiled,male,topless bodies in baggy pants on stage, great muso’s tho, but who noticed?…they dont make ’em like that anymore!!
    Have a great weekend sk and all u friendly fiends

  7. avatar
    Anakki Mayhem | 14 August 2008 at 11:23 pm #

    I loved the blogge… 🙂
    & in the spirit of this 'free things' blogge… juz click on this link for a free trip back in time…

    ***no confirmation required***


  8. avatar
    the dean | 15 August 2008 at 12:16 am #

    Fucknuckle is archaic australiano probably derived from old pommy and likely to be falling into disuse, only keep alive by characters that know the difference between a boardinghouse pudding and boofhead.

  9. avatar
    matt davison | 15 August 2008 at 12:44 am #

    A fucknuckle is a nuckle that fucks..

    Often scene rooting in late model cars.. the fuck (ee)is more often than not a straight and the nuckle it’self is often a hybrid hand with a complete wally at its upper end.

    Sometimes a “fucknuckle” roams around well lit bars and clubs looking for 1970s demi-gods to liquor up and root on the dance floor.

  10. avatar
    Polydora | 15 August 2008 at 12:51 am #

    Oh Mr. Matt Davison

    you just gave me an ache in my belly from laughing so hard.

    gratis tibi ago

  11. avatar
    Thomas Thomsen, Denmark | 15 August 2008 at 1:05 am #

    Spandau Ballet…I remember thinking To Cut A Long Story Short and The Freeze were really cool songs…

  12. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 15 August 2008 at 1:44 am #

    oh shit funny funny funny…don’t forget the bay city rollers, oooh yeah, startin’ in tartan oh baby…
    i wouldn’t detect a subtle sarcasm in today’s blog would i?
    honey, if it sounds too good to be true, then…..
    love always…

  13. avatar
    princey | 15 August 2008 at 1:58 am #

    Hey MattD, u dont mince words do ya? Hope all is well back in NZ, no sk in sight in Melby, so you’re not missing out on anything here! Take care now.
    (Dear Steve, sorry ’bout 2 comments!)

  14. avatar
    JJ | 15 August 2008 at 2:26 am #

    See you on Fascination Street perhaps….all I get is emails from africans telling me if I just hold $2.4 million for them until they can leave the country, then I’ll receive 25% of the sum for my troubles, after giving them my bank routing and account number first so they can send me the million$. I’m sure this would work and I’ll be sitting pretty at an expensive resort somewhere.

    Has anyone actually fallen for this ruse? Maybe I should email back, telling them I have $6 million for them if they’ll send me their bank accnt details.

  15. avatar
    JJ | 15 August 2008 at 2:36 am #

    Mayan discoveries as foretold in the Popul Vuh:

    Openings to the Underworld, among the spirits.

  16. avatar
    Richard | 15 August 2008 at 2:47 am #

    I think I’d wear a FCUKUNCKLE t-shirt

  17. avatar
    markobears | 15 August 2008 at 2:56 am #

    Ccorporations can flat out lie and gain access all your personal information. )O: My google account has fake name, address, zip code just like any other form i’ve filled out online other than stuff i actually wanted and knew was not free. And i send those spammers a fake email addy to claim my prizes. I rarely get spam (O:

  18. avatar
    kat | 15 August 2008 at 4:42 am #


    i was telling veleska that i get emails from the country of india so and so’s father/uncle/goat died and they need a place to put the big money. all they need is my bank account information. if i was stupid enough, i would also need to be ten shades darker or wear shoe polish to try to say i am related. lol

  19. avatar
    linjo | 15 August 2008 at 5:35 am #

    Howz about some other vouchers for TTB;
    Spit your dummy
    I think I might be trippin
    Waffle on and on
    be a brown nose
    bullshit today
    I’m missin the fucken point
    five comments for a day
    be a piss weak anonymous

    I cant think of anymore. But hey, Stevie, dont sent me any, I think I already used most of them!! Have a lovin weekend all x Linda

  20. avatar
    Anonymous | 15 August 2008 at 5:40 am #

    Australia loses the largest amount of money (per capita) to crock o shitters via email.
    Put that in ya pipe and smoke it!

    Thankgud Ima Kywy

  21. avatar
    Anonymous | 15 August 2008 at 5:54 am #

    hahahahaha!!!yes,killerbee!!great show,ole chap!!!sally forth,tally ho!!TTFN,{ta ta for now,that is,}x

  22. avatar
    ...being here, doing this... | 15 August 2008 at 5:59 am #

    “and we all thought that this world
    was full of cynical hucksters
    playing the old pea n shell game
    with gullible idiots som moi
    and then…”

    we choose to give this


    world naivity or soul savvy?

    Eternity will tell!

  23. avatar
    Anonymous | 15 August 2008 at 8:22 am #

    The worrying thing is that some people DO fall for that shit. And I don’t mean Spandau.

  24. avatar
    if it looks too good to be true | 15 August 2008 at 11:36 am #

    True. How does it cross anyone’s mind for even a second that any of these ‘prizes’ can possibly be real? How can you win a competition you never entered? No, a Nigerian won’t give you 10% of their 2 million bucks if you send em 3 grand to launder it through your bank account. No you haven’t won the Sarawak National Lottery. No, you ‘or one other person’ won’t be winning a 6 month holiday in the Caribbean. No, the Universe has not brought these boons to your door because you deserve it and are being rewarded. I dunno how anyone who swallows this bilge has managed to reach adulthood while being so fucking thick.

  25. avatar
    Anonymous | 15 August 2008 at 11:41 am #

    Oi, Thomas, don’t admit it, mate! Mind you, Spandau’s To Cut A Long Story Short does have a great synth riff. It’s unfortunate for them that it’s the synth riff from the Human League’s Sound Of The Crowd…

  26. avatar
    tony hadley | 15 August 2008 at 1:10 pm #

    {well,sang,anyway,;/}”questions questions.gimme no answers.oh questions questions.its all they ever give me,….standing in the dark,i was waiting for a man to come.i am beautiful and sfhoekeee,and so very very young,to be standing in the street,and be taken byyyyyy sarmwurnnne….oh,to cut a long story short,i lost my MIND,…to cut a long story short,i lost my moinde.”i know this mush is true 😉 :D{rhubarb,rhubarb,rhubarb,;Dx}

  27. avatar
    Anonymous | 15 August 2008 at 1:42 pm #

    it always gives me a chuckle to see a sign,in a shop window,or an ad on the telly,where the main thing that the shop people want you to know,is that theyre having a “genuine sale!”…haha,um…weren’t yer other sales,…genuine,oh….haha…the “not very genuine at all sale”didnt sell so well,id say,so they figured theyd try n trick the sheep into buying another wooly beanie,…coz every sheep needs a beanie,dont they??…hmmm…haha.;-D

  28. avatar
    Anonymous | 15 August 2008 at 5:03 pm #

    Do you think David Bowie gets that kind of shit in his Inbox?

  29. avatar
    Thomas Thomsen, Denmark | 15 August 2008 at 5:19 pm #

    Anonymous, they’re not really that similar, and, besides, they were both released in 1981. And despite not being much of a Spandau Ballet fan, I do think that their song is the better one of the two.

  30. avatar
    Anonymous | 15 August 2008 at 8:45 pm #

    good morning steven,:)x

  31. avatar
    Anonymous | 18 August 2008 at 3:37 am #

    90% of email is spam. if that statistic doesn’t blow your mind nothing will. SK’s had his own bouts with spamming. i guess we wouldn’t have any if it wasn’t so popular. one thing is true the world will never run out of idiots.

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