posted on September 6, 2006 at 9:39 pm

thunder n white lightnin’
wind lashing the palms n gums
the ocean turns metallic
thank you dear ones
today i am safe n warm
in the house of familial love
cosy little nevets down on planet earth
sitting inside on a rainy morning
type type type
nk n scarlet bumper slumber
evie gives me a little 3 page book
on page one is snails n fairies
on page 2 its says
i love you dad
on page 3 she loves the others
this is my life today
it hasnt always been like this
a still haven in a turbulent struggle against…what?
do you realise that im only beginning to realise
who i might really be
a few days short of # 52…?
aurora has drawn a female centaur with fluorescent marker yellow hair
can these do magic she asks
these what i say
these …these satyrs….
thats not a satyr, its a centaur i say
and yeah
i think centaurs do a bit of yer you know, basic magic
well ah dad ah whats a satyr then
now this is a slightly tricky question to answer truthfully
for a six year old who likes to get her greek myths facts straight
(owing as much to hercules the movie as my input)
aurora can tell ya how the trojan war started
how eris that bitch
that goddess of discord n strife (latin=discordia)
was not invited to an huge dance party on olympus
i mean, but who would invite a cow like that anyway
shes always gonna cause a fuckin row!
just like my auntie ?
(joyce knows who i mean)
anyway this mean conniving eris
she thinks
bugger it! i’ll show those pigs
so she “fashions” a golden apple
on the apple is carved
“for the most beautiful”
and crikey!
(for steve)
the 3 main goddesses
and sweet sweeet aphrodite
the cytherean, the unblemished goddess of lurve
oh my i can see her before my fevered eyes right now
exactly like botticellis
skimpily whispily dressed in…..mist…n…clouds
oh aphrodite
those romans called ya venus
but this is long before that…
anyway you woulda thought that
athene being goddess of wisdom n all
mighta been above squabbling over a 24 carat solid gold
easy action baby apple
but hell no
she wants it
she claims it
so too hera
zeuss missus
the queen
what did she want with a fuckin’ apple?
but nope…
she stupidly has to have the apple
of course sweet aphrodite
she is the most beautiful
whos gonna argue with that?
do i see any male fiendss with their hands up
going no no…it was hera…it was hera!??
i didnae think so
so anyway
i guess they all ask zeus
he says
who the fuck am i?
judge shirley?
1st of all youre my wife
how can i not say you?
2nd of all athenes my daughter
how can i not say my daughter?
3rd…i mean…cmon….i mean..
its aphrodite…!
shes the fuckin’ goddesss of love!
whaddya want me to say…?
go n ask some mortal why dontchas?
ok ok
so they choose the handsomest man on earth
sorta cross between nevets n dicko robinson
but much younger
and they ask him to adjudicate this divine beauty contest
sorta like miss universe but the contestants had unbelievable power
anyway like a knuckle head the handsomest man
whose name is paris (hiltin”)
says oh yeah yeah
i’ll do it
doh! i bet there couldnt be any repercussions ha ha
of course the three goddesses each try n rig the judging
athene offers him knowledge n victory
ah i’ll get back to ya on those options he says
boy is athene pissed off now
she swears immortal eternal hatred of troy
(for paris was a prince of troy)
a bit of an over reaction i’d say
specially for the goddess of bleedin’ wisdom
next comes slightly (i imagine ) masculine hera
she offers our man power!
now dont get me wrong
shes in real good shape
shes zeuss wife for chrissakes
she can afford the best
shes a very handsome woman n statuesque
but beautiful just aint the word that pops into pariss head
ah look he says
lemme just check out the last contestant
n i’ll get back to ya…
hera storms off
oh paris my man
why didja wanna piss off the main female deity in these parts
ok ok
now aphrodite dont need to bribe him
n paris dont exactly need help in wooing the ladies
being a prince of troy n handsomest devil in the bronze age
but anyway
she offers him love love love
even the love of the prettiest lady on earth
(conditions apply*)
like a complete gooseball
paris picks the lovely miss a
all hell breaks loose
runs off wiv another fellas missus
(only the king of fucking spartas ms helen)
loadsa people die
and thats how
it all happened
back to ms aurora (latin goddess of the dawn)
the reason the faun /satyr question is tricky
is cos as far as i can tell
a satyr is just a bigger randier hornier faun
and i dont think shes gonna need to think about
that distinction for a while
thats it fiendss
im outta here

45 Responses to “stormy morning blogge”

  1. avatar
    stealthblue | 6 September 2006 at 10:45 pm #

    Ah, Nevets…what’ll these kids come up with next?! That was quite educational really. Thanks for the “abridged” (and much funnier) version of this fascinating tale of yore. Your girls are lucky to have such a literary and artistic household. Good job, man. Peace, and enjoy the lightening show.

  2. avatar
    mandn | 6 September 2006 at 10:53 pm #

    an early one this day Orpheus.
    And with it comes tales of the olden ones.
    have they ever really gone away?
    were they ever really here?

    next time in Philadelphia, come to the art museum
    and see Cy Twombly’s “The Trojan War” exhibit.
    It’s fascinating. Very minimalist and frenetic,
    if you can have those both at the same time.

    a cross between you and Dicko??
    does someone have a man crush on ole Robbie boy? 😉


  3. avatar
    craig | 6 September 2006 at 10:55 pm #

    maybe the rain has pushed the dut-dut-dut’s away…..some machines don’t like water on em….
    yay rain!

  4. avatar
    veleska1970 | 6 September 2006 at 11:16 pm #

    quite the explanation. too bad kids don’t have an attention span that long!!

  5. avatar
    calling down baal and zeus | 6 September 2006 at 11:32 pm #

    greek mythology professor,.. theyre all bout fifty sumthin ..

    hell man id sign up for that one,….

    that was the perfect dinner time read for me ..thank you


  6. avatar
    Queen Hatshepsut | 6 September 2006 at 11:49 pm #

    Wow. Great blog. Can you send Aurora over to me for a while, and I will take her around to some really idiotic educational ‘administrators’ and show them what children are capable of learning – without their (idiotic) interference and all their stupid rules. Art and literature – my two favourite things. Oh, after music of course. And specifially…your music nevets. 😉

  7. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 September 2006 at 12:02 am #

    You have beautiful children Steve. I’m really happy for you.


  8. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 September 2006 at 12:03 am #

    Ha Ha, you really are a true blue storyteller sk, those “crazy Greeks of old!”…..this version should go down in history I reckon.

    Love always,

  9. avatar
    Cameras 4 Eyes | 7 September 2006 at 12:08 am #

    Beauty over brains, aurora.
    Learn that lesson now.

  10. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 September 2006 at 12:13 am #

    Beautiful Steve

    Your kids sound grand, enjoy them


  11. avatar
    mattdavison | 7 September 2006 at 12:33 am #

    she is poison that woman.
    Lets not think about those ungodly criminals of the soul..
    And Greek myths…The MYTHS YOU MADE, Mmmm very powerful..
    Suck in that Syd “o” Storm. (good day to go and paint me a picture…remember we are gonna swap SK.WWW.OBD.CO.NZ/MATTDAVISON/PAINTINGS.

  12. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 September 2006 at 12:35 am #

    Hey Steve — carefully selected a few of your blogges, printed them, made ’em into a few stacks of packets, pulled some of your songs together onto a CD, and made a present of you to my sophomore English students today — they read you while hearing your band in the background… you did all the teaching, and will again tomorrow… by their request; hope that’s cool, wish you could have seen / heard some of their reactions to your brain, man o man, pretty cool. Crikey! (For Steve.) Thanks brodie.

  13. avatar
    (('{~_~}')) | 7 September 2006 at 12:56 am #

    Centaurs are half-man and half-horse creatures of mythology. The Centaur population as a whole was associated with drunkenness and physical, especially sexual, violence personifying man’s baser instincts. Nevertheless, the people of antiquity were too fond of horses to consider the union of horse and man as a degraded compound. In fact, the Centaur is the only of the fancied monsters of this time to be given any good traits. There was one Centaur by the name of Chiron who was known for his exceptional goodness and wisdom.

    Satyrs are most commonly described as having the upper half of a man and the lower half of a goat. They are described as possessing a long thick tail, either that of a goat or a horse. In mythology Satyrs are often associated with male sex drive. Prone to drinking, partying and lusting after women. The Italian version of the Satyr is the faun. The Ljeschi is the Slavic version of the Satyr and the faun. The name of the creature is derived from ljes (“forest”). In appearance the Ljeschi is identical to the satyr and the faun, although the Ljeschi can alter his size at will.

    So Steve, both Centaurs and Satyrs are horny bastards.

  14. avatar
    CAPTAIN BEYOND | 7 September 2006 at 1:48 am #

    a fellow virgoan???

  15. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 September 2006 at 2:58 am #

    Maybe it was the glasses of vino, but that one had me laughing out loud! You gave Joseph Campbell a run for his money with that one, you did!

  16. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 September 2006 at 3:17 am #

    Thanks for the bedtime story.

    And whoever wrote “brains over beauty” above deserves to be shot.

    miss grove

  17. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 September 2006 at 3:17 am #

    fuck, i misquoted. i meant “beauty over brains.” still should be shot.

  18. avatar
    Noel Christian | 7 September 2006 at 4:42 am #

    a satyr is just a bigger randier hornier faun

    You have to love the Greek miffs. I always felt sorry for old Pan -and empathised with Odysseus, adrift on the sea and held captive all those years.

    Two days ago my son handed me a page with what was clearly a bipedal frog in full gladiator regalia. “It’s a froggish man with a spear”, he said.

  19. avatar
    Belfrank | 7 September 2006 at 5:23 am #

    Horny mythicals aside – looks like Ye Gods deemed you worthy of darkening the door of the top 40.
    Well done Sir Killa of Bondi!
    Could be appearing on Top Of The Blogs next week – or do they still call it Countdown in Aussie?


  20. avatar
    syrinx | 7 September 2006 at 5:53 am #

    Sweet. That entry just cancelled out a bad dream. I love hearing about your daughters.

  21. avatar
    ...being here, doing this... | 7 September 2006 at 6:32 am #

    “evie gives me a little 3 page book
    on page one is snails n fairies
    on page 2 its says
    i love you dad
    on page 3 she loves the others
    this is my life today
    it hasnt always been like this
    a still haven”

    Your lovely words remind me of a song co-written by the late Marc Hunter.

    Today would have been Marc’s 53rd birthday, and his brother Todd has posted this in his memory….


    Written by:- Marc Hunter/David Hirschfelder

    I was always searching
    For a war to fight
    Some great and noble cause
    Spend my life upon
    But nothing ever happened
    Got married and I settled down
    Now to my surprise I’m happy
    Living in this town

    I’m a family man
    Working every day for my family
    I’m gonna take a stand
    Work hard every day for my family

    I was always looking
    For something to build a dream upon
    Now time has turned full circle
    I’m back where I belong
    I am a stone that’s through with rolling
    It’s all gain nothing’s lost
    I want to sit and watch my family
    Not count the cost

    CHORUS Repeat twice

    Somebody’s sleeping
    Somebody’s dreaming
    No-one’s counting the cost
    Somebody’s sleeping
    Somebody’s dreaming
    I am found and I was lost

    All the worlds I could have conquered
    Are all inside of me
    I have found the secret
    Set my devils free
    Now I want to raise my children
    Proud and true and strong
    Now I know the answer
    I’ve looked for so long

  22. avatar
    fergal | 7 September 2006 at 7:37 am #

    ‘jitterbug perfume’ by tom robbins gives a good insight into satyrs & pan …

  23. avatar
    sue cee | 7 September 2006 at 7:51 am #

    Steve, your girls certainly wont be telling class that the Great Wall of China was built to keep all the rabbits out!

    ps the nsw art gallery is showing the Goddess Divine Energy sculptures and paintings beginning 14 oct …damn, that’ll be finetuning my travel

  24. avatar
    Fandorin | 7 September 2006 at 7:56 am #

    do you take requests?
    please kilboize

    – Bhagavadgita
    – Odyssey
    – Aeneas
    – Kalevala
    – Finnegan’s Wake
    – The Wind in the Willows

    Thank you! That was fantastic. Uncle Steve’s Iliad in a nutshell.

  25. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 September 2006 at 8:43 am #

    isn’t she 8?

  26. avatar
    eek | 7 September 2006 at 9:43 am #

    this is my life today
    it hasnt always been like this
    a still haven in a turbulent struggle against…what?
    do you realise that im only beginning to realise
    who i might really be
    a few days short of # 52…?

    I have felt that you are really coming into your own lately. So you’re a bit of a late bloomer — what a remarkable bloom you are. And I’m happy you have such a lovely family to share your life with.

    Plus you give all of us who look at our own lives and think “I’m so fucking confused” a bit of hope that we will eventually bloom too.

    Oh and you really need to write a series of SK’s mythology study guides — that was awesome!

  27. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 September 2006 at 12:27 pm #

    Lordy lou…what took you all so long?

    I was wondering when someone was going to mention Tom Robbins….a satyr if ever there was one with a predilection for redheads.

    Seems obvious to me….maybe I’ll bring it up with La Kilb if I manage to get to the Enmore show. Seems difficult at the moment….

    By the way, your kind words about Steve Irwin give us more insight into who you really are/what you are about than you would ever imagine. It’s so easy to be intellectually smug and so hard to be emotionally honest sometimes (ask that publicity whore Germaine Greer)

    I, for one, am so happy to be part of this little SK tribe…can’t explain why, just happy to BE…


  28. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 September 2006 at 12:41 pm #

    You tell stories like a pro stevie K. Loved this one with my morning Joe… thats what some americans call Coffee. (Dont want you to get the term confused with a JOEY… lol.) The first history lesson to me in a while, and it was actually quite wondorous. Thanks, and have a great rainy day… my favorite type of weather.
    Galveston TX

  29. avatar
    restaurant mark | 7 September 2006 at 1:50 pm #

    when is your birthday steve? are you a virgo? mine was the 5th. odd sign virgo…spend entirely too much time in my own head. tired this morning…saw snow patrol last night…great show. fought through the technical difficulties. their amps got lost on the flight over. rental stuff kept messing up. ever happen to you? have a great day man…raining here too.

  30. avatar
    (('{~_~}')) | 7 September 2006 at 1:51 pm #

    Today my 5 year-old had her kinder photos taken. I walk in to pick her up at the end of the day and the photographer takes one look at me and says, “She’s determined and strong minded just like her mother.” He told me it took 3 quarters of an hour to take her photos. He said, “You don’t see many like her. Wait until she’s thirteen! She’ll give you lots of trouble. My daughter was the same.” He’d obviously won her over, as he had her giggling over and over again, every time he called out her name. Well, yes, what can I say? She certainly is a determined little thing, and that will be an advantage later in life, however in the meantime! She’s known as the artist at kinder, a bit of a leader. Her teacher has recently told me that she has “never, ever, ever, had anyone like her.” Someone so focused. Apparently, she had sat at the clay table and made tiny animals for the entire day. Her teacher told me that she lets her take the lead at the art table, as she’ll create something and the others at the table want to make what she has made, so she gives them a demonstration. How cute!

    Children, they are all so different! You’ve got to love them!

  31. avatar
    (('{~_~}')) | 7 September 2006 at 1:58 pm #

    restaurant mark, Steve Kilbey – Born 13 September, 1954.

  32. avatar
    CSTCoach | 7 September 2006 at 2:25 pm #

    LOL, that was great! Far better than any Coles notes version. Cutting to the point, and with style…

    been rereading a lotta the Greeks lately, and on my northern expedition slipped ahead to the latins and took along marcus aurelius. That and an ipod crammed full of the choich (and nuthin else). Food for thought on those empty, lonely northern nights, in a fragile tent in grizzly country, 200 miles from anyone.


  33. avatar
    CeciliaGin | 7 September 2006 at 2:57 pm #

    Miniature theater, love it.
    I can picture the hand puppets acting that out perfectly.

  34. avatar
    JJ | 7 September 2006 at 5:28 pm #

    Was listening to Ionian Blues on iPod thingie last night falling into sleep – song for the Olympic opera playing out here; like their charges, they were all flawed. I love stormy, rainy days – don’t know why. 52, I hit that milestone 4 months afore you, kinda sobering too, but I survived it.

    Excellent blogge today – thanks for the little window into Nevets world. Good storytelling talent.


  35. avatar
    Gareth,Notts | 7 September 2006 at 5:39 pm #

    i’ve been so enthralled with TTB, the blogges are just fantastic,i fear if it really does end on 22nd nov(9th anniversary of hutch’s death BTW!),with no TTB i may turn into al bundy!(from’married with children)not to be confused with ted bundy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  36. avatar
    Sweed | 7 September 2006 at 5:58 pm #

    Good bloggie! Again!!

    Love ya Steve…

  37. avatar
    davem | 7 September 2006 at 6:15 pm #

    Bugger me. But for the sex-drive, long tail & partying i could be a Satyr.
    Enjoyed your blog today. You probably don’t realise that you fill the parts my comprehensive school education just couldnae reach.
    I’m telling my youngest to wag off from classical studies tomorrow & just read yon blog instead.
    love you more,

    Dave M

  38. avatar
    restaurant mark | 7 September 2006 at 7:02 pm #

    thanks ((‘{~_~}’)) i knew the 1954 but that was it.
    take care.

  39. avatar
    daydreamer | 7 September 2006 at 8:25 pm #

    Remember a couple years ago when we all sent birthday messages to you? I told you life speeds up after fifty. It sounds like you are beginning to see that now.


  40. avatar
    daydreamer | 7 September 2006 at 8:44 pm #

    I meant, life SLOWS DOWN after fifty! Geez! Obviously some of us lose brain cells after fifty ~


  41. avatar
    davidcwelker | 7 September 2006 at 8:57 pm #

    “When I get older, losing my hair, many years from now…”

  42. avatar
    Anonymous | 8 September 2006 at 5:50 pm #

    Your kid is cute.

    Be soo glad she’s smart.

    There are too many dumb people in the world and they’re the ones that seem to be reproducing the fastest — we need some quality in ye old gene pool.


  43. avatar
    DJK082067 | 8 September 2006 at 9:48 pm #

    I have a 15 yr old young man. Today he scared the crap out of me. He is a soph. at H.S. and is doing Car education and will be behind the wheel (great song by D. M. …anywayz). Wow time just roars on .Years stream by and sometimes u dont recognize yourself. Enjoy all the little mates as they sprout…cause mine went by way to fast and I was there to see it all.
    Much Admiration….

  44. avatar
    Anonymous | 10 September 2006 at 5:42 pm #

    Is there something wrong? No new post in over 2 days?

  45. avatar
    Jeffrey | 15 September 2006 at 6:30 am #

    Nice touch posting the comments like this, but it leaves me still with one nagging question , will you ever work on a song with me? Please?

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