posted on March 27, 2011 at 7:44 pm

des pear

i long for sleep

i long to walk that corridor to some warm dreamy place

turn off the voices

now i’m anybody i want to be

see me fly thru the sky

my winged spirit searching the astral for something

the eternal me has vacated the shell

tonight please be there

you will wait in the house i built in the clouds

the soft dopey music plays so quietly now

i arrive thru a painting and i go for a song

my words are all over the page

my method is to forget

my energy is to obsess

my lesson is to not learn


52 Responses to “sunday evening in soft velvet black”

  1. avatar
    princey | 27 March 2011 at 7:59 pm #

    Hope u have a nightmare-free time tonight 🙂

  2. avatar
    Cocoamo | 27 March 2011 at 10:16 pm #

    You poor, dear boy. You have been through a really rough patch, and the touring (which may distract your attention momentarily) is so rough on you. You know, I wish you didn’t have to tour.

    Of all the musings about suffering, I still say this: I don’t like suffering in any form, mentally, physically, spiritually. That is why I look for things to relieve suffering, and there is an arsonal if we choose to avail ourselves. Sometimes there is instant relief (like the phenergan for sleep, to beat a long-dead horse). More often, it takes time and repetition to get results.

    “Something hateful in your head? Kick it out.” (Ahem)

    You have such a capacity to exude pure joy – an appreciation and love for the good people in your life and all the beauty around you. You absorb and emit fierce energy from yoga and meditation.

    Granted, you have had to endure some slings and arrows of outrageous fortune lately, but you can put that behind you – at least some of it.

    Courage. You can endure and prevail.

    Your Friend in Pennsylvania
    (Now in Cocoa Beach)

  3. avatar
    DavidP | 27 March 2011 at 11:47 pm #

    hang in there sk
    when we think we are doing badly we are actually doing well
    not as badly as we think anyway
    when we think we are doing well, thats when we slip up & become lax
    and dont realise our folly
    it can be hard to turn off the internal voices
    to silence the inner tongue
    go for a walk and just be aware
    or relax and listen attentively to some uplifting music
    or read something inspiring
    do a mantra, there’s one specifically for quietening the mind
    dont wallow in despair
    peace requires activity

    • avatar
      lil ole me | 28 March 2011 at 4:57 pm #

      ..let me get this straight .”when we think we are doing badly we are actually doing well”
      ya know thats hogwash right? ..and please no explanation ripped from a self-help new age library.. no excuses ..NO Excuses..

      make bed ….sleep
      make food …eat
      feel like shit….Feel it!
      feel Great ..feel it !
      no mumbo jumbo ….no fales misleading pastel religion…

      when we think we are doing badly we are actually doing well

      that is simply wrong ..and in my opinion ..terrible advice.

      • avatar
        DavidP | 29 March 2011 at 12:19 pm #

        sorry lil ole me
        i didnt fully explain that comment
        so i can understand your response
        i am just trying to give steve some encouragement
        what i was getting at is
        a problem unrecognised, unseen, cannot begin to be rectified
        although there can be pain in seeing, it at least gives the
        opportunity to do something about it
        but of course there are things we can change and things we cannot
        tricky to know the difference sometimes

        • avatar
          lil ole me | 29 March 2011 at 10:17 pm #

          i know frustrated for sk …

          • avatar
            DavidP | 30 March 2011 at 9:31 pm #

            they say it is always darkest just before the dawn
            hopefully it will be daybreak very soon
            hang in there lil ole me and sk

  4. avatar
    Lara | 27 March 2011 at 11:58 pm #

    Oh, SK. You seem so tired and sad.

    Much love to you.


  5. avatar
    Brian | 28 March 2011 at 12:43 am #


  6. avatar
    BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 28 March 2011 at 1:02 am #

    Insomnia is worse than a prison in time. It is literally Hell on earth !!! I suffer greatly from it because of my acute/chronic pain afflictions. I cannot even remember sleeping, ever, more than 1-2 hours at a time. You have to be very careful, I have become so sleep deprived that I cannot mentally/physically function at times, and this is EXTREMELY dangerous.

    Please seek help if this continues, it can alter your life and destroy your health very quickly. This isn’t some trippy-poetic-ramblings, this is really fucking serious shit.

    very concerned,
    Darrin K.

  7. avatar
    Martha | 28 March 2011 at 2:37 am #

    The wish for a good sleep seems to be more common lately. I’m well in that pool myself. Just reading has my own tiredness welling up. I know it, I know it.

    Maybe some binaural beats and/or valerian root? (can’t do the latter myself right now…)

    Peace to you, and to us all.

  8. avatar
    monksphere | 28 March 2011 at 4:07 am #

    Seeing your face made my insides turn. Wonder if i looked the same in my sleepless nights, whether it was wisdom teeth sprouting or the wife leaving or whatever other reason, the insomnia-countenance is such a hard thing to observe and words are inadequate in describing how it feels to wear it. Suppose words aren’t necessary anyway, the eyes tell all. I can empathize to the best of my capability. I hope, wish, pray, would love for you to get the rest you need. Save the problems/conflicts for the day after you recharge. Godspeed good man.

  9. avatar
    Jonny Hollywood | 28 March 2011 at 7:47 am #

    sounds like you could use some long distance reiki, HON – SHA – ZE – SHO – NEN for my beloved earth friend 🙂

  10. avatar
    Jamie | 28 March 2011 at 8:04 am #

    Hugs…Love you , Steve.

  11. avatar
    captain mission | 28 March 2011 at 8:33 am #

    i feel kinda helpless, like i’m sure a lot of people here do. at the risk of being very selfish we need you steve. we need you man, you can get through this period even if it means letting it go. you will emerge. rebirth. sometimes when we are in it, we can’t see the wood for the trees. just keep following your star.

  12. avatar
    Narelle | 28 March 2011 at 10:26 am #

    a house in the clouds…did that work??…anywhere quiet would be just perfect
    the drive to complete a ‘days work’ does extend past midnight…if thats what needs to happen, so be it…three, two hour sleeps does it in the end…or whatever

  13. avatar
    Once | 28 March 2011 at 11:11 am #

    “my method is to forget
    my energy is to obsess
    my lesson is to not learn”

    Your eyes are so sad.
    And there’s such a gap
    Between having molecular things in common
    And the reality of you
    Fuckin’ light years apart
    And even if all of us could stand there
    Who’s to say we’d know?
    You gave us a lot
    Mind heart soul music
    And now these words, and
    Saying I know isn’t really knowing.
    So Kilbey, who I love from what I do know,
    A champion who’s made a new consciousness
    (Yeah, that’s what you’ve done mate)
    Alone and wandering through a house at night –
    Don’t be afraid.
    Please close your eyes and see us
    Embracing you for what you’ve given,
    And loving you for who you are.

    • avatar
      Once | 28 March 2011 at 1:05 pm #

      I really do love you, mate. But it would be rather psychotic to expound upon it, as I have only met you once. Very long time ago, backstage in Grand Rapids, Michigan (right after P = A drop). My youthful angst clashed with your soaring being..and I hated all of you, except for PK. What a NICE guy! Honestly – he totally put up with my drunken rant and was sweet.

      The point to this, is – circumstance can hide identity. The fact that you have this blog is miraculous – brave and wonderful, and don’t think for a second that we don’t appreciate it. To see who you are is such a gift…when you’re down, Steve – my heart, and most of those on here, are with you.

      But when you are alone, none of this matters.

      I know.

      I wanna write that one line that sums it up…

      Maybe one day I’ll know what matters to everyone.

  14. avatar
    Freddie | 28 March 2011 at 11:48 am #

    Hope you have peaceful & restful sleep soon.
    Hate seeing you like this. :^(

  15. avatar
    queenhatshepsut | 28 March 2011 at 12:24 pm #

    You do look so tired in that picture. I have suffered insomnia my entire life and it is a fierce demon. I hope you get some restful sleep soon…despair finds its way into one’s soul very easily when one is tired and oh so weary. I do hope you feel better soon – that sounds so trite but know that you do have a large group of folks who truly care what happens to you, including myself!!
    Love always,
    Denise xxoo

  16. avatar
    bc | 28 March 2011 at 12:36 pm #

    sleep trouble, depression, bad dreams…
    you really did stop smoking weed!

    kudos on quitting for real,,,but
    maybe just a medicinal puff now and again,eh…?

    be well sk

  17. avatar
    Judith Miller | 28 March 2011 at 12:50 pm #

    Get rested and well soon. Look after yourself Steve

  18. avatar
    Steven Krut | 28 March 2011 at 2:23 pm #

    Can’t sleep and when you do, bad dreams. I hope something fantastically wonderful happens for you in the near future.

  19. avatar
    Karen | 28 March 2011 at 3:09 pm #

    I had a dream last night I was looking after a walking talking giant baby and we got into a car and it was speeding down a steep incline on some road Id never seen b4… and there was no one in the drivers seat…anyway thats another story

    I know what its like
    not what your feeling but not being able to sleep & Ive passed it on to my kids …they sometimes have trouble as well…I thought giving up smoking would make it hard to sleep actually seemed to help…my son is trying to give up weed atm and hes having a hard time sleeping
    my daughter has never used any drug of any kind and is the worst ..awake when the birds are chirping a fair amount of the time..

    Im sure you know
    exercise relaxation meditation…
    hope you can dream a peaceful dream soon

  20. avatar
    david | 28 March 2011 at 5:27 pm #

    chin up doc sure you know where this is going ..youll get through ..shit wont seem as rosy anymore …youve been here before …part -n-parcel… thats it! i wish you the best in life , i wish you feel good feelings ,but sometimes a good dose of reality is just what the doctor orders…snap out of it.

  21. avatar
    hellbound heart | 28 March 2011 at 7:56 pm #

    a tired and troubled soul……hope you find a place of rest and peace….
    love always…..

  22. avatar
    . | 28 March 2011 at 8:31 pm #

    take comfort in the words of a warm book
    may peace be with you today and tomorrow, good luck
    “the afterlife” made my sunday bright from grey
    the clouds gather still, but the sun is here to stay
    at least for a while…
    long live music…

  23. avatar
    Wilfred Paradise | 28 March 2011 at 9:45 pm #

    SK – hope you’re writing some songs. Our boy Bob is coming to see you in a few weeks, 8 or 9 shows near you. he doesn’t seem to get tired. there is a lesson for all of us to learn right there. he’ll be 70 in a month or so. but youth isn’t measured in years. come on back to the States, crowds will be twice the size. your art is adored. wilfred p

  24. avatar
    nine.fathom | 29 March 2011 at 12:49 am #

    Hey CNN has a bit on Bondi!

    Get out more! Out of your head, out of your house…..

  25. avatar
    John Garratt | 29 March 2011 at 1:46 am #

    I had this dream that I finally saw the Untitled Priestfish show. There was an orchestra and cartoons playing on a screen behind the stage. At intermission, the Church’s manager said “everyone go to the bathroom.” And Steve Kilbey said “but don’t all take baths.”

    • avatar
      Lisa | 29 March 2011 at 3:23 pm #

      That’s really funny – hope that made you smile a bit Steve. Looking so worn out, tired and sad in your pic. Love & hugs to cheer you and of course restful slumber and sweet dreams….

  26. avatar | 29 March 2011 at 3:56 am #

    Dreams are like an adventure to think about the next day and yet dwell too deeply on the bad ones. There’s a lot of dream interpretations out there, but your gut feeling is the right one. Perhaps some Ambien…or hot cocoa and cookies at bedtime; or how about that black cat snuggled next to you in the bed. You seem so far away and lonely, but then in perspective to where you are to the bloggers; aren’t we all far away and lonely just by the fact that we’re here blogging right now? I love your daily thoughts, the comments back by others and how it makes me think about myself. Sweet Dreams are Made of These/This…….whatever it is…hope you have some tonight.

  27. avatar
    Burkley | 29 March 2011 at 12:42 pm #

    hey! snap out of it! just for half a day! …and then some. dung death and doldrums, easier said than done. u can do it tho! just with your songs – pulled me out of a couple slo-no’sedives. dig in and dig it man! i know you’re in there. pull up! keep it outlandish, not just kilbefish – a cat out of water

  28. avatar
    Anonymous | 29 March 2011 at 4:17 pm #

    well, bahgeeze — did you know that if you just close your eyes and watch the light movements as they pass through your mind under your closed lids, they will take form into a moving story? … if you don’t stop to think about it, at least — like an old flick. That’s what I do when I can’t sleep — sometimes I’m happy when I can’t because if I don’t screw up and stop myself, I get to watch some of the best images I never knew were coming yet… it’s only upsetting when you try to “translate” what is taking place as it flows; then it stops. Otherwise, it is like a prelude to a magical journey that (maybe) forms a dream (?). Anyway, when I can’t sleep and I do this, sometimes it is quite upsetting that I fall asleep prior to the vision’s finish. But then it’s morning; why be upset.

  29. avatar
    veleska1970 | 29 March 2011 at 9:05 pm #

    much love to you.

  30. avatar
    andy | 29 March 2011 at 10:00 pm #

    truth of it is, most of our lves are mainly crap.
    sure the good bits make it all worthwhile, but they’re few and far between.
    this is the way of things.
    sorry to not have anything ‘uplifting’ to say,
    just plough on…………

  31. avatar
    andy | 29 March 2011 at 10:02 pm #

    lves = lives.
    see, what use would it be taking advice from a dyslecsic twat like me anyway?

  32. avatar
    aida morgan | 29 March 2011 at 11:46 pm #

    Been sending you healing and good vibes, a bit of loving telepathy, before I go to bed each night. Hope you get the sleep and rest you so desperately need. Hang in there Steve.

  33. avatar
    . | 30 March 2011 at 7:17 am #

    the other side whispers
    i see them from the corner of my eye
    family and friends who have passed, girls and guys
    the eternal echoes and friendships forged in this life
    give me strength and encouragement when i’d rather cry
    no doubt the time being has opened a new way of thinking
    to lift me and many others when they feel like they’re sinking

  34. avatar
    bionicanna | 30 March 2011 at 8:41 am #

    at the end of an exhausting day, those words are a lullaby.

    came across this the other day regarding happiness and stress, and it really helped me put things in perspective:

  35. avatar
    Once | 30 March 2011 at 9:53 am #

    Argh. I am actually somewhat drunk for the first time in a while. Blah. Feel kinda sick. 3 glasses of cheap chardonnay.

    Will probably have a smoke to settle my stomach, which will, of course, turn me from “somewhat drunk” into “fucked up”.

    I don’t know why I am so utterly bored with life. Crappy job? No kids? Yeah, but…you would think that that would free me up to do a helluva lot in my free time. Problem = my “free time” doesn’t feel free.

    Maybe I’m wrong, and I do need someone else in my life. “Need”, tho? That’s pathetic. But it would be nice to have a fresh perspective alongside me…and a warm body instead of a whole bag of pretzels. I mean, really, the only person in the world who has remained asexual is Morrissey – and that was for his art. **sigh**

    Anyway, I am sure that the answer will reveal itself in due time. Till then…

    • avatar
      BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 30 March 2011 at 11:26 pm #

      Send me an email at my home address when you get a chance. I am concerned about you and have been thinking about you lately (post-surgery demeanor). And after I read this last night, I was a bit overwhelmed and if you would like to vent or bounce stuff off of than I’m your guy. If you chose not to, than I fully understand. I was caught off guard by this comment and I am concerned about you. Please take care of yourself. I know this seems a tad analytical, but, your avatar keeps changing and now it is the ‘gaze’ in your eyes that also concerns me. You went from playing a guitar in the background to a closer and closer image of yourself. And now this, it is as if (don’t take this wrong) you are trying to talk directly to someone, possibly because you desire some help, with an empty stare. I am worried about you and have not heard from you in a while. I will always be supportive, not judgmental. You appear slightly off-track and it worries me. You do ‘need’ people in your life. I have nothing to gain or lose from our relationship. I just want to be ‘there’ for you when you need to vent or share the good/bad sequences of your day(s), thoughts, life.

      I’m serious !!!

      Darrin K.

      • avatar
        BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 30 March 2011 at 11:43 pm #

        Look…do not make this another WTF moment in your or my life. What I mean is, yeah…I cannot be there for you physically…but I can be there (always) for you emotionally. Hey, I’m screwed up too, we all are in our creative/non-constructive ways. But I ALWAYS hold true to my word. HONESTY is my only excuse. And the people that are in my life, stay there. I just befriended another soul on this site. I already consider him ‘friend’ because he is a real, true, compassionate human being. I knew this after the first couple conversations, how can I ??? Because I’m intelligent enough to understand and feel a warm heart. There are other people out there who portray/betray themselves as one thing and actually, are the exact opposite in the realm of fucking ‘reality’. I will always do right by those I care about/for. I believe you fall in the column of ‘real’.

        Please take care…


        • avatar
          Once | 31 March 2011 at 7:00 am #

          Right on all counts, Daz. The surgery has changed everything – midlife has crashed in. I have zero encore material. It’s maddening.

          Thank you, I shall write outside the forum shortly. You’re a gift, you know that?

          Meanwhile, I am reading “Life” (Keith) – and have come to page 71 where there is a quote that is actually handwritten – probably added after the type was set or whatever they do these these days. It is as follows:

          “I forgot to mention that to play the blues was like a jailbreak out of those meticulous bars with the notes crammed in like prisoners. Like sad faces.”

          Everyone plays the blues. Just in different ways. To SK – you’ve got to just keep playing. No matter what.


  36. avatar
    prefontaine | 30 March 2011 at 4:21 pm #

    It is truly a dog eat dog world and we’re all wearing milkbone underwear


  37. avatar
    Gavgams | 30 March 2011 at 8:26 pm #

    Try a good walk in the Blue Mountains, Steve, ….overnighter with your bro.
    And remember the Rig Veda : “There are so many dawns that have not yet broken”.
    Good food, not too much, and at the right times might help. Easy on yourself, healthy food therapy, fave eateries. let go a bit.
    Best wishes.

    • avatar
      Narelle | 30 March 2011 at 11:29 pm #

      Hello Gavgams
      somehow lost that entry so will give it another shot
      reminded me of Outlaw Blues lyrics from the Dylans,’65, Bringing It All Back Home album
      Well, I wish I was on some Australian mountain range (rpt)
      I got no reason to be there, but I imagine it would be some kind of change

  38. avatar
    bc | 31 March 2011 at 6:43 am #

    yo…can someone please check in our humble hero..? (eek?)

  39. avatar
    Anonymous | 31 March 2011 at 7:36 am #

    no upcoming gigs? How about the Opera House ??????????????????

  40. avatar
    Anonymous | 17 April 2011 at 9:38 pm #

    If Steve Kilbey needed a friend he wouldnt call u. Thats what family and friends are for not over the top fanatics.

  41. avatar
    ? | 17 April 2011 at 9:41 pm #

    If SK needed a friend or someone to talk to he wouldnt call u. Ur a tad freaky. Thats why SK has friends and family… he isnt about to call up an over the top fanatic and discuss the ins and outs of his life to some total stranger who sounds like he is about to cream his pants.

  42. avatar
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