posted on July 6, 2008 at 3:09 am

lost for words
the day comes finds me thinskinned
vulnerable and feeling queazy
got no more appetite
got no idea

i frighten myself
read the paper
wish i was as sure of myself as the writers
proclaiming this and that
the right prods the left
the left prods the right
music: daniel johns is a genius! yeah…sure he is
just like kylie minotaur obe (for services to music…
future generations will benefit from her huge advances)
(i mean…what a fucking joke!)
politics : sleazy and tedious simultaneously
religion :the popes coming…doesnt he smoke dope…?
the world : getting warmer…getting warmer..getting hot
piers akerman the human toad blathers on
piggy kyle handshandilands is getting married …
gee sweetheart make sure you get a prenuptial on that
obama sin laden
harry pottermus
whizz the human tiddlywink
is this a fictional world or what…?
prince charles……what an ugly bastard
i’d make a much better king than him
imagine me with a nice big crown handing out
my 20 cent tin medals to uh..danni min-ogre
or uh…brian mc fudgeon ..or ah…the veronicas
imagine me digging my spurs into some horses side
as i club the last remaining fox in england to death
with my polo stick
imagine me in balmoral sitting on my throne wasted and crazy
pumping out prose poems like a royal rimbaud
and hey lemme tell ya that nk would be a much saucier queen
than olde park ‘er-bowels…even tho shes american
hey i can talk in that silly accent chas talks in too
but i bet he cant talk australian like me …
imagine me …i’d have someone beheaded
i’d invite say robbie willy-ams over
hey robbie…its ah king kilbey here..
ah im dishing out some fiefdoms…yeah…want one?
then when the little rascal gets to the castle
you get the beefeaters
(whom i now name the tempeh-eaters)
or the coldsplay guards to nab him
sorry robbie …this is actually an execution, olde bean…
and give ‘im the axe
imagine me the king of england opening bridge games
and invading india again
i’d change the flag to an aum sign on a weed leaf
i’d set the corgis free and have dingos as the palace pets
i’d give the drivers the night off
and hoon around london dropping wheelies
pumping painkiller in the rollers great sound system
and crashing into traffic lights
imagine me in my kilt…oh my legs are a hundred times sexier
imagine me with my sceptre ….i’m gonna get fender to build me one
imagine me with my vassals and tassels
with my medals for wars i never been in
with my big gay epaulettes like a general in the olde days
rear admiral of the fleet fleet
vice captain of the regal scam
lord of the sinkholes
chairman of the board to appoint a chairman
custodian of cowardly custard
arch duke of n.bondi
prince of blends
king of diamond geezers
imagine me in the house o’ lords
with my krishna tshirt and my kmart shorts and my blunnies
man i’d shake those boring old bastards up
are you kidding me…?
imagine me in westminster abbey road
rehearsing with the c
and the boys clowning around in some old armour
imagine me at christmas time appearing on yer screen
king killers krissy message
instead of face-ache charlie
you got my lovely visage
I dont have big ears or a big nose or a big bald patch
I got gold earrings and a lovely white beard
like a king from days of olde
people wouldnt wanna get rid of the monarchy-malarkey
if they had kings like me
you know handsome olde and stately
a yoga doing dope smoking king
a king of love and sexy nights with the queen listening to the bjm
a king who tripped and rocked
a king who looked like a king but lasted all knight
a king who could write poetry and paint pictures
a king as high and mighty as you like
or as common or garden as you wanted
king of australia and canada too…hmmm
i’d be on canadian money dressed in a paisley shirt
a dope leaf instead of a maple leaf i reckon
king of toronto and lord of ottawa…gee
i reckon if i was king of ingland america would come back
back into the fold
they only bailed because of mad king george
if i had been king we’d all still be joined up
imagine that you english lot
we’d still have bloody america
elvis woulda been a pom and spoke like shaun ryder
bruce springsteen would have written his songs about cardiff
muddy waters mighta been a white guy
whose real name was roger snodgrass who was an accountant
abe lincoln could have joined the smiths
ben franklin would have invented electricity in middlesex
(fucking middlesex…i ask you!!??)
its not to late
i still think
if i was made king
even at this late stage of the game
(overnight monarch…i can see it now)
i could still entice america back
at least most of the east coast
it might be harder getting hawaii
i’d just deal with em like the olde days then..
alaska….nah…you can keep that
and all the really cold bits of canada
and im putting an end to the parlay voo fronsay over in quebec
(which i’m renaming stevenland)
i’m putting coach murdock in charge up there
he can be my chamberlain
and he can biff any fruity courtiers
or any bishops with revolutions up their habits
im gonna put davem in charge of religion
the church of england
will now be the church of the church
archbishop st mullard arise humphreys will now kiss your mitre 10 times
in australia i’d get some women in charge
mainly to piss off all the chauvo-pigs in the biz
yeah maybe bring holly down
kick some sydney butt ohio-style
paul lightfoot will be gee gee of nz
with matty d minister for honey
i’d get polinski as prince of victoria
and make sure he executed at least 50 peasants a day
imposed unreasonable taxes
and took the virginity of all the fairest maidens
we need some old style kingmanship these days
no wonder the serfs up
no wonder the country folk are revolting
i could be king
the king and i
crown me quick i’m the regent being
king time
the royal mange and princely panther
the bass playing emperor over the seas
the jack of all trades
the knight of the oriental order of the dawn
the duke of hazard (lite)
the count yermoney
the marquis de muggles
the big bad royal daddy
someone get wise
put me on the fucking throne for godssakes
england finally needs me…as king
king steven the just (as good)
king steven the wise (guy)
king steven the hippy
oh ao ao ia iacocca
spread joyous tidings
a good king has come
hurrah hurrah
space rock for the poor
let water be free tonight
breathe all the air you like courtesy of the new lovely king
oh see him on the stamps
or back his falcon up some ramps to the amps
he can sing he can rule he aint no fool
go my people
spread the word
kilbey for king
kilbey for king
kilbey forking hell

41 Responses to “sunday joint”

  1. avatar
    m.p.k. | 6 July 2008 at 6:03 am #

    It’s 11:00 pm here in California. I’ve got the lights off, dragonflies snaking along the ceiling, candles lit, altars to garuda and quanyin, 2 cats sitting like sentinels. Incense. Orange purple green and blue walls cast delicious shadows. I’m playing your music and feeling blissful and grateful for it.

  2. avatar
    Lian | 6 July 2008 at 6:14 am #

    “nk would be a much saucier queen”
    that sounds hot.

    im gonna put davem in charge of religion
    the church of england
    will now be the church of the church

    in australia i’d get some women in charge
    yeah maybe bring holly down

    paul lightfoot will be gee gee of nz
    with matty d minister for honey

    NICE! πŸ˜‰

    a fantastic reading today!

  3. avatar
    m.p.k. | 6 July 2008 at 6:14 am #

    Ah yes, you are the king Mr. Kilbey. Somewhere out there is a planet where they make gold and silver vestments out of music, the threads are the colors of the sounds. I’ve seen you wearing them, that’s when I knew.

  4. avatar
    Lian | 6 July 2008 at 6:18 am #

    “the right prods the left
    the left prods the right”


  5. avatar
    kat | 6 July 2008 at 6:28 am #

    abe lincoln with the smiths? it doesn’t get any better than that…


  6. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 6 July 2008 at 6:29 am #

    England is toast. Sk should rule India. The world’s largest Democracy and home to over 200 million vegetarians. Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva would love Sk at the helm. Sk would not take any threats from China or Pakistan. He would nuke them with his instant karma. Wilderness of Monkeys paintings are great and the primates are sacred in Hindu India.
    Note: I still love the UK.

  7. avatar
    Understandascope | 6 July 2008 at 6:29 am #

    Wicked! and delicious.
    Loved it.. Steve you made my Sundae.yum.

  8. avatar
    Anonymous | 6 July 2008 at 7:15 am #

    Oh fuck, there goes the neighbourhood πŸ™‚

  9. avatar
    Anonymous | 6 July 2008 at 7:23 am #

    haha!!!’D xo

  10. avatar
    linjo | 6 July 2008 at 7:41 am #

    Oooh me old head is reeling from so many thoughs on TTB, just got back from 3 days in olde sydney town, (thank fk I dont live there anymore). I dont mind a bit of the old Prince Charlie, he’s evolved ok I think from being indocrinated by such a bunch of stiffs. Who cares if he is an uggo?
    King Stephen was the last of the Norman kings. Lets all love everyone who has a bit to offer the world. Chris Martin has offered us beautiful music, x&y one of my fave late lounge alone cds so lets love him. Gwyneth (of ridiculous sprog monikers)did Shakespeare in Love, so lets love her. Its all a bit of fun aint it when no one is hurtin anyone and we can all put a bit of shit on each other in jest.
    Everyone is crazy except me, myself and I. We all love reading the TTB, we get a buzz from it. Thanks King Steven (with a VVVVV) Linda Luuuuvvvv lace xxxx (that doesnt get any action, sob)

  11. avatar
    persephone2u | 6 July 2008 at 8:53 am #

    Sheesh, forget Charles and his family (as nice as Windsor is)! They’re bloody Germans anyway. I’m the 29th generation grandaughter of Eleanor of Aquitaine, the 28th gen grandaughter of King John, then down to Henry III and all the rest of ’em till it hits a woman which we know never counts in royalty and eventually the line ends up in America as a bunch of commoners with good ancestry. Bah. What about Lord Thomas Hungerford, first speaker of the House of Commons, another ancestor, who was probably miles better than the clown England has now? Get ’em all out and give me the castles back, lol!!

  12. avatar
    davem | 6 July 2008 at 9:02 am #

    Whilst I’m sure you’d do a splendid job I think you’d hate it.
    I fear it has now rained here for in the region of 10,000 consecutive days. But please could you make your first act to close the 2 million branches of effing MacDonalds that we now have over here…do you know in my area alone they’ve replaced three pubs???!!!
    I agree with you about Middlesex though – couldn’t we just donate it to America and be done with it?
    Anyway, must dash…. it’s 9.55am here and I have to deliver my sermon on “why a blood sacrifice as atonement for sin isn’t a load of gore fuelled old hogwash. Really. Honest.”

    Archbishop St Wellhard (ooh Mr Humphries)

  13. avatar
    davem | 6 July 2008 at 9:05 am #

    And for your second act please can I have the David Camerons head put on a spike and paraded through Eton?
    Cheers King S the K.

  14. avatar
    ross b | 6 July 2008 at 9:09 am #

    bruce springsteen would have written his songs about cardiff

    l.o.l. !! :-))

    Steve you’ve cheered me up no end tonight, thanks so much for a great reed, (..i mean ‘read’!)

    Bests, r.

  15. avatar
    lily was here | 6 July 2008 at 9:13 am #

    I hate it when you’re lost for words

  16. avatar
    Paul Lightfoot | 6 July 2008 at 9:46 am #

    With Nevets Yeblik as King of England, when rock stars visited Buckingham Palace, they would no longer have to sneak off to the loo for a spliff.

  17. avatar
    persephone2u | 6 July 2008 at 9:47 am #

    Yes, please do dump all the repulsive McDonalds that blight the landscape, but no spiking of Mr. Cameron, please. I enjoy watching him mercilessly grill Stalin…oops,I mean Gordon Brown!

    Imagine SK and Morrissey ruling side by side. Everyone would be a vegetarian, like T-Rex and between the two there would surely be many very deserving public executions.

  18. avatar
    Paul Lightfoot | 6 July 2008 at 9:54 am #

    and the corgi’s would go I’m sure, to be replaced with the family cat, which would have a bit more room to run around.

  19. avatar
    Paul Lightfoot | 6 July 2008 at 10:02 am #

    I heard on the radio tonight that Real Groovy Records are struggling, ( and looking for a buyer. Sign O’ the times, but Real Groovy is a superb alternative and well stocked record store. We lost the massive commerially driven and arrogant “Sounds” retail record chain early this year (no great loss) but Real Groovy is too good to lose. They’ve always had an excellent Church back catalogue – all at full retail price. Massive vinyl section. Fingers crossed they survive.

  20. avatar
    davem | 6 July 2008 at 10:03 am #

    Yes, feline rule sounds good Paul!!
    And p2u that’s no reason to spare Cameron, ‘cos Brown would have been dealt with for war-crimes….
    Conservatives and Labour alike are rotten to the core.
    Bring on Nevets.

  21. avatar
    Lian | 6 July 2008 at 10:32 am #

    God bless your soul, robbie.

  22. avatar
    iseult | 6 July 2008 at 10:33 am #

    we are amused
    we never miss a hardware reference

    this comment was dispensed
    the queen of queensland

  23. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 6 July 2008 at 10:47 am #

    …sk for king!!! would be worth it just to see him dress up in those old fashioned hose and a codpiece (ooooh errr!)…
    love always…
    (off with ronald mcdonald’s head!)

  24. avatar
    fantasticandy | 6 July 2008 at 11:12 am #

    ‘elvis woulda been a pom and spoke like shaun ryder’
    no change for beatles stones or coldplay though……….
    oh steve,
    you benevolent tyrant!

  25. avatar
    athanasiuspernath | 6 July 2008 at 11:44 am #

    per se phoney saidThey’re bloody Germans anyway.

    hooz got a probblem viz zat? however, as a real king, i bet Steven-the-quarter-to-twelfth wouldn’t have let us off ze hook so easily in 1945 or 1990. Germany would have been renamed Pieceland, and it would have been covered with huge weed plantations, to make sure zey’d never start anozzer wor aggayn. I’d apply as the Minister of Kraut.

    ozzervise I advise you to haff a listen at “Zoo”, which seems to be a new track from ze royal vaults, and it sounds like Lennon jamming with a stoned Dan Lanois, viz Frippy playing ze guitar. Verri gut!

  26. avatar
    Anonymous | 6 July 2008 at 11:57 am #

    …and what of B.Bon?

    Is there no place for me in the new world order?

    Think now….I’m VERY fucking diplomatic and feel my presence would enhance any royal court. I could do something local…Vice-Regent of Bondi Junction and Waverley perhaps? Could you make Coogee a Duchy and pop me in at the top there? Essentially I just want a TITLE, I guess…..and you are going to need someone on the ground locally as you’ll probably be away a lot…, you know, something with a bit of clout.

    Alright then, you can get back to me on that.



  27. avatar
    Thomas Thomsen, Denmark | 6 July 2008 at 11:58 am #

    I’ve been unable to read the daily blogs for the last three days and missed out on the Coldplay vs. The Church “debate”. Coldplay? I’m sorry, but they just do NOT deserve the commercial succes they’ve been “granted”. I really dislike Chris Martin as a vocalist, and their music is so DULL. I dislike Thom Yorke as a vocalist, too, but at least Radiohead are talented musicians, even though I’m not moved by their music. Street Spirit and Lucky are cool songs, though.
    But no other band even comes close to The Church.

  28. avatar
    tim | 6 July 2008 at 12:13 pm #

    since you are king of canada i am forwarding you an email i sent to our prime minister last week (his office tells me they have forwarded it to the minister of natural resources)…so as the new king of canada i thought it wise to bring this matter to your attention..

    Dear Right Honourable Prime Minister,

    For 6 months my wife and I lived in Ft. McMurray, Alberta near the oil sands projects, we encountered welcoming communities, especially among First Nations groups. They helped us see just how stunningly beautiful and useful the land was to their way of life. Trees for as far as the eye can see doted with blue fresh water lakes filled with fish. There is no other place or people like this on our planet. My question is this:

    Will the Canadian government agree to conduct a full assessment of the environmental impact of the oil sands- particularly in regard to the rampant use of water and agree to a moratorium on new oil sands development until that assessment is done?

    The waste produced from oil sands activities is too toxic to be returned to the hydrological cycle. Ponds containing toxic waste from the oil sands cover a land area equal to the size of England, and threaten the natural habitats of birds, fish and wildlife.
    According to the U.S. Department of the Interior, Syncrude’s dam, which holds back nearly three decades of wastewater, is the second largest on earth after the Three Gorges Dam in China.

    Thanks for you attention to this matter king kilbey..

    unfortunately our u.s friends have invested in the tar sands heavily and expect us to increase development in the oil sands five fold all to try and cut their dependency on mid-east oil.

    while it is a pithy thought and makes for an entertaining blog entry….you really don’t want that job…do you?…but if pot was legal…you’d get my vote…and i know you could do a better job than what we got now…have a great day steve.

  29. avatar
    captain mission | 6 July 2008 at 2:10 pm #

    i’d change the flag to an aum sign on a weed leaf

    my kinda kingdom man πŸ™‚

  30. avatar
    fantasticandy | 6 July 2008 at 3:51 pm #

    i’m with b.bon……..
    i thought i was chairman!
    what happened?
    where’s my sea-…..
    oh…ok, i don’t think i’ll go there.
    iwas good enough for ya when you wuz just prime minister……
    that crown has gone to your head!

  31. avatar
    Anonymous | 6 July 2008 at 4:21 pm #

    Hi SK!
    GAF tour 1990. Dancing Barefoot and Grind (partial) added.

  32. avatar
    Anonymous | 6 July 2008 at 4:38 pm #

    hey purr-selfphone or whatever ya call yerself,
    don’t hassle us germans, we gave the world wagner, beethoven, einstein and lily marlene! and there are plenty of discerning church fans roaming the beautiful forests of our sacred land.

  33. avatar
    athanasiuspernath | 6 July 2008 at 7:11 pm #

    Hey anonymous, friend of ze Teutons,
    we germans managed to expel Wagner to ZΓΌrich, Beethoven to Vienna, Einstein to the US, and Lili Marleen was kidnapped by all of our enemies. But it’s still better than the Austrians, who somehow managed to make Beethoven an Austrian and Hitler a German, haha. And what do you mean by “forests” – the traces of treeish growings between ze Autobahnen?

    But you are verdammt right about ze Church fans, beim Teutates!!

    Guten Abend, gute Nacht
    mit Rosen bedacht

  34. avatar
    persephone2u | 6 July 2008 at 8:15 pm #

    hee hee, I have a German lineage that goes on for miles. I’m actually amazed at just how German I am! I love the Germans. And Krautrock too of course. πŸ™‚

  35. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 6 July 2008 at 8:55 pm #

    If Morissey was King Kilbey’s enforcer he would massacre the carnivores. MOZ lived in Rome for a few yaers but I think he’s back in Los Angeles. He loves the attention.

  36. avatar
    cupid | 6 July 2008 at 9:36 pm #

    Morrissey is just like Chrissy. Very talented but ugly brainless attention seeker.

  37. avatar
    Ron (Guelph Ontario) | 6 July 2008 at 11:32 pm #

    hey steve, sounds like a plan to me…

  38. avatar
    veleska1970 | 6 July 2008 at 11:35 pm #

    yee-haw!! utopia has finally arrived.


    lotza love…..

  39. avatar
    eek | 7 July 2008 at 10:31 am #

    in australia i’d get some women in charge
    mainly to piss off all the chauvo-pigs in the biz
    yeah maybe bring holly down
    kick some sydney butt ohio-style

    They wouldn’t know what hit ’em! πŸ˜€

  40. avatar
    CSTCoach | 7 July 2008 at 3:50 pm #

    >>i’m putting coach murdock in >>charge up there

    About time. Let’s start by knocking down that bleak industrial wasteland around toronto and planting some trees. we can lose the really cold bits, as you suggested. and i’m with Tim – no more tar sands. And the political infighting has to go – time to do some real work – get the beer back into the vending machines in the senate, it might make them come to their senses.

    >>a dope leaf instead of a maple >>leaf i reckon

    well… one of your decrees has come to pass. that’s the unofficial emblem already. You work fast!

    Ron i Guelph – I am too. nice to see a churchie in the neighbourhood.

  41. avatar
    John | 7 July 2008 at 4:25 pm #

    Can you give Alaska to me? I need a place to put all my stuff.

    John Garratt

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