posted on February 24, 2008 at 8:38 pm

i see some you think the spider killed me
but you know
im tougher than spiders
tougher than heroin
tougher than plane crashes
tougher than….
ow! i just stubbed my toe
nk n girls drove me to airport
tibor our car is having overheating problems
(the falcon is named tibor(pronounced teebore))
and an unfortunate set of (hopefully temporary)circumstances
has rendered us broke beyond belief
everytime i say goodbye to my family
i get worried case i nevva see em agen
i really do love em to bits
and today
the woofle seems so big n bouncy
evie doodle seems so robust and energetic
aurora doodle seems so laidback n humourous
and natalie mcwife seems so……
well this sposed to be a family blogg…
and sydney itself seemed so warm and soft and home
the airport bit was ok
i heard a guy in line saying
“oh i love airports”
i swing round n say
“how many times’ve you flown?
he says
“oh this is the first time”
i tell thee very straight
there are many many many gay men around
its gay mardy grah
in sydney
and bondi beach is covered in fabulous beautiful bodies
all men…
a lot of these guys have perfect worked out muscles
the heteros on the beach are all saggy flabby skinny weedy oafy
but these gay guys (most of em)
theyre an amazing glimpse at how the human male body
has the propensity to be sublimely gorgeous
like a stallion or a cheetah
how strange!
when i was a kid
it seemed that the muscley guys were the uber-butch hetero-types
and the skinny effeminate types got sand kicked in their faces
and their girls stolen
but on todays beach
the butch guys are mostly in bad shape
i think the reason for this
is complicated
beyond the scope of this blog.
being a sydneysider for a long time
with the largest gay pop on earth
i neither love em or loathe em
theyre part of the scenery just like us breeders
we coexist mostly in harmony
so with that in mind
the punning side of me
always wants to yell out:
remember visitors
bathe between the fags…
but i guess that would get more than sand kicked in my face
so i just sit n stare at their abs n lats
(cmon bring on yer closet gay diatribes anon)
anyway the plane to melb and back was very gay
and so what?!!
it was a smooth flight both ways so im happy
met at airport by nice geezer gary
not yer stereotypical vegan
but a real aussie locksmith bloke
tells me sad story how his wife had ms then died breast cancer
(he called cancer jimmy the dancer)
she was 42
i felt very teary
feel impotent with rage that this happened to this man
why lord why?
then we discuss ways of tumbling safes and picking locks
get to gig
they told me northcote town hall
well it was
but i was playing outside…
note to everyone who ever wants me to play
it was that worst melby weather
burning sun n cold wind
i made sure i could rant as long as i wanted
i asked the organisers
go for it they said
i did my first couple of songs
the guitars gone outta tune outside here
the sound is weird
only halfway through gig does guy find reverb button
n it comes on real suddenly
i get him to demonstrate all his reverbs to crowd
anyway i rant n rave bout vegism
from all angles
the spirit enters me
and i rant n rave loquaciously
im fucking good
i aint no dry proselytizer dishing the facts
n i aint no militant nutcase either
im a fucken renaissance manne
whose speciality is the eng lang
and im holding forth on a subject
i have been pondering for almost 40 years
eventually i dont wanna play very much
its feels stupid to go from impassioned plea for mercy
oh and heres a little pop song too
so eventually i seem to be just talking n talking
the main organiser of this whole she bang
an american lady called patty
was standing right in front of me
and shes smiling and giving me encouragement
a blonde lady even older than me
comes up n asks me to announce a meditation session
i ask her old she is
are you a vegan? i ask
you know the crowd cheered
she really looked good for her age
slim n natural blonde hair
i mean you could see she was sixty if you looked close
but if you knew her when she was 18
you still would have recognised her
she still looked like herself
thats veganism folks
the only real solution to ageing gracefully
anyway i continue my rant
suddenly another tap on shoulder
a short squat woman is telling me
“you got ten minutes left
youre preaching to the converted
play some songs instead”
i just fuckin see red
(rightly or wrongly)
i do a horrible shortened stupid milky way
n i fuck off from their non stage
the organiser hastens after me
and assures me im the best speaker she has EVER seen
after 6 years of these gigs
but that other womans got me in a cold rage
all shot through with self doubt
i mean maybe i was raving….?!
person after person comes in to reassure me
but that short wide bint has ruined my day
ah the fickleness of ego
and the achilles heel it has given me
i chat to a girl pastelling the pavement n get some tips
i meet my youngest fan outside the woofle
who was karla(carla?)
then i had vegan waffles n an iced stimulator
actually it was vanilla cashew milk
thanks to con n kathy (cathy?) n luka (luca?)
nice to see md n donna
n princey n her friend whose name i always forget
even after all these years
fly home and im knackered
karin comes over
twillies have been misbehavin’ theirselves
oh my oh my
go to bed n sleep like a log
today is today
funny bout that

42 Responses to “super living expo melby 2008”

  1. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 24 February 2008 at 10:40 pm #

    I’m not very mentally or physically healthy for the past few years. I’m more of a diehard animal rights don’t eat creatures of God vegetarian. I do know that if all humans did not eat beef, poultry, pork or fish, we could end hunger and dramatically reduce a plethora of ecological crises, global warming, pollution and cruelty against animals. SK rocks my world! Vegetarians and Vegan rule !

  2. avatar
    princey | 24 February 2008 at 11:00 pm #

    I don’t blame you for being pissed off yesterday sk, you were getting the message across and making sense, WHY did that person cut you short? And who’s idea was it to have the “main stage” setup on the walkway? Despite all that, there were alot of people who appreciated you being there sk.
    (Re breast cancer, I had to attend my dear auntie’s funeral last week who died from it and a friend who’s only 39 is suffering from it too….yeah it’s a bastard disease alright.)
    Looking forward to the gig in April.
    Love Amanda

  3. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 February 2008 at 11:11 pm #

    Very nice to see that the rumors of your death have been greatly exaggerated.
    But Richard’s “epitaph” was pretty damn funny.
    Have a great day Steve.

    Tampa, Fl

  4. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 February 2008 at 11:17 pm #

    Oh man, this blog was hilarious, Im sure yu held it down for the Veg movement but I cant help but superimpose some woody allen jazz clarinet to some of the drama, Yeah fags is kinda ruff thing to say, I remember livin in miami beach in 96 and all these dudes looking like Ken dolls would come round and stalk me all the way home,and Im like “No can do” these dudes would say stuff that I would never say to a lady..on some I just want a milkshake n cheesefries and to $^@K yu off..hilarious… anyway…cheers sk.. wake n bake champagne and cake……jr…..

  5. avatar
    matt davison | 24 February 2008 at 11:44 pm #

    Don’t worry all I gave the little sqat Lezzy the Rev up she needed!!

    I told her to watch out and not fuc with that singer guy caus he’s a killer.

    I really did.

    very nice day… Veg thingee was “vege” Kilbey was very Kilbey even a little “not Kilbey” as-well.

    I was the security, the dvd guy (sold millions)and PR officer.

    Amanda and Con and co…real real nice.

    The Vege people are nice people.
    Carla has SK sing her the opening lines to Metropolis ‘with her name in’..I grimice at a strange random man who stands way to close to me

    Did I say Vege types are weird.. Oh I mean nice,

    Yesss they really are, a little strange thou

    *I am wannabee… killer tell’s me how he belted up that Welsh maniac with his trembling hands.

    I learn about Poles..Jay dee &ploog
    Fire as many questions as I can get in til nxt time… alway’s prepared for the (just shut et!!) from da killa
    ….but he’s easy

    beaut day all that came about

    Did I tell you all how Kilbey can be in two places at once.

    I SAW THE PROOF YEST… He was over by the………I can’t explain
    but he’s very very very quick moving around

    Like a Phantom

    very cool



  6. avatar
    linjo | 24 February 2008 at 11:46 pm #

    Oh I love you today Steve Kilbey. I love your passion for family and beliefs, you make me laugh, I love the reality in which you perceive yourself. You can at times be such an inspiring person. I am seriously thinking about giving up the chook.
    Linda X

  7. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 February 2008 at 12:09 am #

    not to start the polemic again but everyone is entitled to make their own decisions re lifestyle etc…noone is or should be above anyone else, which is why I find preaching tedious and offensive.


  8. avatar
    veleska1970 | 25 February 2008 at 12:34 am #

    sheesh~~and i thought i had a busy day.

    sorry to hear about your car, and i hope your financial woes go away soon.

    “but that other womans got me in a cold rage
    all shot through with self doubt”
    isn’t it terrible how somebody can do that to you? you could be doing everything right, and all it takes is one little negative from somebody and all is shot to hell. i experience that a lot myself. self doubt~~it’s a bitch. why can’t self doubt be as easy to do away with as feeling good about yourself?

    lotza love…..

  9. avatar
    steve kilbey | 25 February 2008 at 1:11 am #

    hey marc
    can the pigs and chickens n sheep n lambs
    make their own lifestyle choices too?
    oh sorry if i was being tedious

  10. avatar
    Pale Rider | 25 February 2008 at 1:25 am #

    It takes a lot just to get up off the old duffer and say something, much less play songs in the weather and get cut off like that.

    Good on ya, Killer, and keep up with the recipes. You’re giving me ideas of what to feed the kids…

  11. avatar
    Miss D | 25 February 2008 at 1:56 am #

    Just wanted to say a huge thanks to you Steve for making Carla’s day yesterday…and appologise for ranting about my life dillema !!

    Of course, living with MD who is seriously obsessed, the musical preference in our household is bound to rub off, but I make no bones about it .. I play lots of different music to my 4 1/2 yr old and she is very firm in her likes and dislikes. Obviolusly she has great taste in music!! I like to think she will be an amazing songwriter herself one day – she loves to create words and melodies from her wild imagination and we often sit and listen in amazement.

    After all the excitement of the day, my little gem was asleep within minutes of taking off in the car (of course demanding to listen to SK for the trip home)..

    Anyway Steve, I hope I didn’t scare you off with my must feel strange to know that when people meet you, they feel like they know you (if they read your bloggs that is ) on a deeper level and may feel compelled to confide in you??…or am I the only crazy person out there that does that??

    Apart from my moment of my self indulged lunacy, a great day was had by all and I’m glad I had the opportunity to sample some yummy vegan products (i may end up converted yet..) and to meet lovely Kathy, Con, Luca, Amanda (and friend)..I just hope I’m still around for the Church gig in April!!!

    Love to you and yours Steve.

    Much Love,

    Miss D and Little C.

  12. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 February 2008 at 2:18 am #

    baal n zeus said
    ahhh reverb
    tender heal
    mighty calf

  13. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 February 2008 at 2:36 am #

    Why , oh why, bother reading this blog if you find being preached to worthy of a comment…aaahhh.

    You know the deal, SK is liable to go off on a rant, a sermon , an opinionated diatribe when ever he feels like it. He has told your type many times -“if you don’t like it fuck off”

    Why , oh why do you bother reading?

    I know I’ve taken the bait here, most probaly best not to respond…but it does me ‘ed in.

  14. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 February 2008 at 2:59 am #

    somebody wise once said-“tomorrow is another day…your life can start again”

  15. avatar
    ...being here, doing this... | 25 February 2008 at 6:53 am #

    posted by steve kilbey at 7:38 AM…

    suddenly another tap on shoulder
    a short squat woman is telling me
    “you got ten minutes left
    youre preaching to the converted
    play some songs instead”
    i just fuckin see red
    (rightly or wrongly)
    i do a horrible shortened stupid milky way
    n i fuck off from their non stage
    the organiser hastens after me
    and assures me im the best speaker she has EVER seen
    after 6 years of these gigs
    but that other womans got me in a cold rage
    all shot through with self doubt
    i mean maybe i was raving….?!
    person after person comes in to reassure me
    but that short wide bint has ruined my day
    ah the fickleness of ego
    and the achilles heel it has given me


    I was soaring
    through the heavens
    on Pegasus
    (my high horse),
    looping the loops,
    leaping through hoops
    …when I detected
    a slight irritation
    rising up from the saddle

    my altitude lowered

    the pain began to burn

    I looked down below
    to the endless
    ocean expanse

    a school of unschooled sharks
    had assembled

    they were emitting a nasty vibration
    up through the atmosphere
    through my horse
    my saddle
    my oh

    pain, burning pain
    shot through me like
    an arrow

    “you bastards! OK….if that’s the way you want it!”

    I swung Pegasus towards them
    put my foot down
    on the stirrup
    and went for it

    Kamikaze horse revenge!

    “You’re all gonna die!!!!”

    Pegasus had other ideas..
    I got ditched
    just as we hit the surface

    Peggy went up

    I went down

    The sharks encirled me
    they smelt the fear
    they bared their teeth in
    brutal anticipation

    “Oh, oh”…”maybe not such a good idea….PPPPPEEEEGGGGGGYYYYYY…..HHHEEEEELLLLPPPPP!!!”

    Suddenly a school of dolphins
    appeared from nowhere
    scaring off the sharks
    with their fierce (but fair)
    body slams

    they guided me to shore

    and here i am

    but alive

    i think i’ll take a look around

    maybe stay a while

    seems quite nice really

    (considering the alternative!)


  16. avatar
    wil-o | 25 February 2008 at 6:53 am #

    g’day Kil-O

    How come your car is dubbed Hungarian?


  17. avatar
    wil-o | 25 February 2008 at 6:57 am #

    Wikipedia tells me this:

    Tibor is a Hungarian masculine forename, which derives from the Latin meaning the river Tiber (Tiberius) or, more loosely, “holy place”.


  18. avatar
    athpth | 25 February 2008 at 7:22 am #

    i think it must have something to do with their hungarian soundman from the euro tour, if memory serves me beer and right, he was called tibor. he was sometimes yelled at by one guitarist, and spoke mostly hungarian. this is how you can easily recognize hungarians.

  19. avatar
    fantasticandy | 25 February 2008 at 7:57 am #

    it always amazes me that you get flack from all quarters just for being a bit honest about the way you feel…..
    yet the people who get ‘uppity’
    tune in for the next instalment without fail!
    hope you ‘n the missus are not to sore now and are healing well….ouch, ouch, ouch.
    andy L.

  20. avatar
    steve kilbey | 25 February 2008 at 8:23 am #

    its named tibor after tibor hegyi my latin n ancient history teacher through most of high school
    he was a real fuckin’ “character”
    ps russell had him too

  21. avatar
    princey | 25 February 2008 at 10:17 am #

    Oops, I forgot to say how nice it was to meet the famous Matt D and his fam and lucky little Carla, getting a big goodbye hug’n’kiss from sk, after 20yrs I STILL have to beg for one!haha You made me laugh Matt, going up to that cow that cut sk short, hope she got the message that he was NOT happy!!!
    Hope to see you guys and all other fiends at the gig in April, it’ll be fantastic night of sk solo with NO interuptions!
    And my lovely friends name is MARY!!
    Love Amanda

  22. avatar
    eek | 25 February 2008 at 11:23 am #

    Apparently Miss “youre preaching to the converted” neglected to read her own organization’s website which stated this:

    The Expo is for everyone interested in maintaining or exploring vegan living.

    Unless this festival was just for confirmed vegans (and it wasn’t advertised that way on their website) you are just the type of performer to bring in an audience which can be ripe for converting. Eh, you know she was probably just feeling a little too much “organiser” power…or her undies were riding up and making her cranky. I think it’s obvious the vast majority were delighted with you.

    twillies have been misbehavin’ theirselves

    I think that’s one of the “musts” in the teenager’s handbook.

    an iced stimulator

    Am I the only pervert here that thinks that sounds kinda kinky? 😉

  23. avatar
    Ethereal Butterfly | 25 February 2008 at 12:13 pm #

    I’m so disappointed that we missed out on your Vegan Gig in our home town! Volunteer organisations are incredibly frustrating (you can’t sack anyone & everyone’s stuck with other frustrating volunteers)! Sorry about the crappy weather down here – it’s been a very autumnal Feb (it was hard sailing for the little mites on Sunday too!) I’d like to hear the spider’s version of the story…………..
    Love Heather

  24. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 February 2008 at 12:30 pm #

    With logic like thaaaat,I wonder if “miss organiser” will do away with all the leaflets that get handed out at the Expo next year…and while she’s at it why have any stalls.
    SK we enjoyed your short but amazing singing and performance, but feel so sad thinking about all the animals you talked about.It’s such a shame that most people don’t take the time to think or care about what they are doing in their lifetimes and how it affects others.Not only did you talk in a passionate and compassionate way, I have to say you are also the most articulate speaker I have ever listened to.So many gifts you have and utilise.
    A bow to you!
    Love KT

  25. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 February 2008 at 1:30 pm #

    talking about misbehavin’…

    it really reminds me one of the classic scenes in the “friends”: the three young ladies, Rachel, Monica and Phoeby are sitting around their balcony and… peeking at a naked(not entirely, actually a towel around his waist), sort of famous young man who lives in the opposite house. Their eyes are fixed tightly at somewhere, their lovely mouthes are automaticly muttering, “drop! drop! drop! drop!”…




  26. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 February 2008 at 1:36 pm #

    mouths ^^

  27. avatar
    B Raine | 25 February 2008 at 4:22 pm #


  28. avatar
    davem | 25 February 2008 at 5:25 pm #

    Where’s that short, squat woman? Let me at her!!
    Keep doing what you do SK. You change lives. Many of us are in a better place ‘cos of your wisdom, courage, vision, imagination, talent and commitment.
    Love you lots,


  29. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 February 2008 at 6:31 pm #

    short, squat woman deserve no respect! short squat men are just as bad. how dare they even be seen in public, they should have their own tent at a vegan event so we don’t have to look at em. I mean it just doesn’t look healthy right?c’mon god made em in his image and look what they’ve gone and done to it. why can’t they all be like the gays, or the nice slim 60 year old lady so we can all flirt all the time. It just goes to show you how stupid they are to think that since you have a guitar on your lap, and a mike in your face ya might want to end with a couple a dare her try to think, when she gets an idea that maybe you felt obliged to speak when in reality you prefer it. stupid wide bint! short wide cow!
    everyone here should give a really dirty look to anyone not tall or at least slim today for sk I think it’d do us all good


  30. avatar
    davem | 25 February 2008 at 6:55 pm #

    …..mints are a minty bit stronger, stick ’em up your arse and they last a bit longer. Ahh the 70’s. Anal mint digestion trebor. Good for gays and fat people as they can eat from both holes at once and achieve sexually gratification.
    Thanks robert.

  31. avatar
    davem | 25 February 2008 at 6:57 pm #

    I meant sexual, but then at my age I’m more excited at the thought of a nice humbug or everton.

  32. avatar
    steve kilbey | 25 February 2008 at 8:03 pm #

    oh tree-bore
    it didnt matter if she was big or small
    she was rude
    you picky little prick
    if you read my thing properly
    instead of skimming thru
    looking for something to show how un-P.C
    i am……
    you will notice
    that i was confused about her interruption
    perhaps she was right
    perhaps i was raving
    thats what added to my anger
    you see… self doubt…
    ah never mind
    fuck off!

  33. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 February 2008 at 9:17 pm #

    oh steve

    I wasn’t trying to show how un p.c. you are. for the most part i think you are super! sometimes i think you are super……ficial but my comment was less addressed to you than to the mob of sods here on the comments ready to lynch the next short squat person they can find. i read your blog every day it’s one of the best things in my life but I stopped reading the comments back in the great q&a debacle because most of the commenters are such idiots. i can’t reconcile the fact that i can feel such a deep connection to your art and feel so alien and irritated by these comment idiots who in my opinion can’t understand a word you write. my mistake was when i was so deeply moved by “reverie” i took a peek at the comments and a few others did seem to appreciate so i started looking at them again. mistake it was. i guess i’ll not look again for some time.
    Tre Bor

  34. avatar
    MEM | 25 February 2008 at 9:47 pm #

    ‘Selling is more of a habit than using,’ Lupita says. Nonusing pushers have a contact habit, and that’s one you can’t kick. Agents get it too. Take Bradley the Buyer. Best narcotics agent in the industry. Anyone would make him for junk. (Note: Make in the sense of dig or size up.) I mean he can walk up to a pusher and score direct. He is so anonymous, grey and spectral the pusher don’t remember him afterwards. So he twists one after the other …
    Well the Buyer comes to look more and more like a junky. He can’t drink. He can’t get it up. His teeth fall out. (Like pregnant women lose their teeth feeding the stranger, junkies lose their yellow fangs feeding the monkey.) He is all the time sucking on a candy bar. Baby Ruths he digs special. ‘It really disgust you to see the Buyer sucking on them candy bars so nasty,’ a cop says.

    The Buyer takes on an ominous grey-green color. Fact is his body is making its own junk or equivalent. The Buyer has a steady connection. A Man Within you might say. Or so he thinks. ‘I’ll just set in my room,’ he says. ‘Fuck ’em all. Squares on both sides. I am the only complete man in the industry.’

    But a yen comes on him like a great black wind through the bones. So the Buyer hunts up a young junky and gives him a paper to make it.

    ‘Oh all right,’ the boy says. ‘So what you want to make?’

    ‘I just want to rub against you and get fixed.’

    ‘Ugh … Well all right … But why cancha just get physical like a human?’

    Later the boy is sitting in a Waldorf with two colleagues dunking pound cake. ‘Most distasteful thing I ever stand still for,’ he says. ‘Some way he make himself all soft like a blob of jelly and surround me so nasty. Then he gets well all over like with green slime. So I guess he come to some kinda awful climax … I come near wigging with that green stuff all over me, and he stink like a old rotten cantaloupe.’

  35. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 February 2008 at 10:08 pm #

    From my perspective I witnessed a very rude interuption mid sentence,mid performance so much so our jaws dropped.I’m not sure why she felt the need to talk in such a way to the headlining performer,but it left us feeling disappointed that she dictated the ending.Maybe she was having a bad day or something but there are ways, and there are ways of speaking to your guests in front of an audience especially when they are listening to the performance intently.

  36. avatar
    princey | 25 February 2008 at 11:02 pm #

    Oh Trebor, so after sk has a go at you, you back down, tail between the legs, and dump it all on the “idiots” who comment here. Believe it or not Trebor, when (most) people take the time and effort to write a comment here, it’s not to impress and entertain readers as your higher self, but just a note to sk to say what we think about his blog. Just read the blog ya snob and leave us alone!
    Love from a short person.

  37. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 February 2008 at 11:48 pm #

    Trebor Mints are a minty bint stronger. Stick them up your ass, and they last a bit longer

  38. avatar
    matt davison | 26 February 2008 at 12:41 am #

    I gave her the Biff “O” extremeo..she saw a flash of light and it was all over….she won’t be munching Ol ye carpet for a while…

    as I said (pointing at the killer) it’s me or him…trust me I am the better option.

    And mint fella…what sort of trip are you on manne!! sigh’ mints in the ass?? Wrong place pal, there are forums for people like you…yes there is..


  39. avatar
    steve kilbey | 26 February 2008 at 12:53 am #

    lets cool it!

  40. avatar
    Anakki Mayhem | 26 February 2008 at 1:46 am #

    btw – random trivia – Tibor was also one of the owners/operators of Springfields & The Underground… (remember those places??) maybe u have bestowed a musical inclination on your car with the moniker & she is now a temperamental artiste??? mine is being naughty again & costing me far too much but i love her so i keep her…
    ps: rude ppl suck 😉 & I like to listen to u speak – u are always interesting!!!

  41. avatar
    Anonymous | 26 February 2008 at 2:44 am #

    oh amanda

    i don’t want to stoop to name calling, that was what i was commenting on in the first place. I may be wrong but i guess that you know nothing about surrealism,or poetry, and don’t know the difference ‘tween a metaphor and a guess is that your just an aging groupy trying to impress everyone with your multiple comments a day that you somehow know sk well. or well enough to get a hug if you ask.why don’t you go be matt d’s cheerleader while he beats up some more carpet munchers.
    davem you can have your mints and eat them too!

    very bored

  42. avatar
    Anonymous | 27 February 2008 at 11:06 am #

    Ambiguitys rock-Hard ,is it not?

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