posted on January 22, 2009 at 7:56 pm

jesus christ…i’m an englishman
its just gone 7 in the morning
and its over 85 degrees
AND I LIVE IN THE COOL PART OF TOWN
poor old timbo its gotta be 10 degrees more
out his way in the western subs
a giant praying mantis hangs off my fly screen
my room is such an unbelievable mess
i cant find anything
last night me n scarlet kilbey
who is my familiar
who is my double
who is my opposite
we went down n had a swim at 8 pm
we talked all the way there
lil sk :would the bock-ock man be there ?
big sk : no…i doubt it
lil ; would ariel the mermaid….or king triton…?
big : maybe…..
lil : or prepps eregut
(this is her way of saying prince eric who is ariels hubby)
big : no no prepps eregut
lil (becoming angry) : not prepps eregut PREPPS EREGUT!!!
big : ok ok ok
we get down to bondi bloody beach
its all blokes with metal detectors
and couples who should getta room
but are making out
making up
or making it
on the beach in the fading light
another dad with a kid scarlets age
scarlet n the kid hook up immediately
every time i try to talk to the dad tho
the little brat comes over n screams
why?
jesus his shrill little screams hurt my old damaged ears
the dad drops his conversation like hotcakes
when the little bugger interrupts us
the kid demands that they go home
fuck mate ..i say
the first half yer life
yer parents boss ya round
the second half its yer fuckin’ kids…
he smiles sadly n wanders off
with the kid on his shoulders
still ordering him round
scarlet kilbey is throwing herself into the surf with glee
the water is icy cold and i feel a million times better
the moment the pacific ocean lays its cool cool hands on my head
the waves are breaking onshore
and i scratch up me chest on the sand
my swimmers fill up with sand too
and despite a long shower
some of the sand rides home with me
in all kinds of intimate places
later to irritate me all night long….oh bollocks!
me n scarlet stop in at an israeli place
n buy some hot chips
it burns my hand to carry em
and i drop most of em on the footpath
just outside our blooming place
i come in with a half empty ripped bag
but aurora n scarlet n i still tuck in to some that are left
yadda yadda yadda
the heat goes on into the night
i wake up at 2 30 unable to sleep
i sit on the balcony in the darkness
there is not one breath of air
the night is totally still
it still must be about 90 something
bloody colonies!
phew…whatta scorcher
izzit hot enuff for ya then ?

64 Responses to “sydneys weather forecast : infernal fucking heat”

  1. avatar
    steve kilbey | 22 January 2009 at 8:33 pm #

    sympathy for the geezer in annandale
    whose landlady put his rent up 100 bucks a week
    thats fucking rude
    sk

  2. avatar
    markobears | 22 January 2009 at 8:54 pm #

    i miss warm weather. we have a break here from a warm front thats going away tomarrow night.

  3. avatar
    jaime r.... | 22 January 2009 at 8:58 pm #

    Between the smile of the Solar day..
    the ice avalanches off the roof..
    there ya go Sk…
    Keep it cool brother….

  4. avatar
    the dean | 22 January 2009 at 9:10 pm #

    as cold as a landlady’s heart

  5. avatar
    Queen Hatshepsut | 22 January 2009 at 9:36 pm #

    I’m sorry SK, your blog heading made me laugh. What can I say…I live in L.A., where the Devil Himself resides, so it’s always hotter than Hades here. 😉

    Seriously, hope it cools down for ya. Sand in the wrong places, infernal heat, irritating child…not good!
    love,
    denise

  6. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 22 January 2009 at 9:51 pm #

    I lived in San Diego for over four years and the heat is dry and very manageable in contrast to Texas and those other steamy, nasty hot summer states. 15 below zero with the winds in Chicago on Saturday.

    SK loves Bondi. He’s not going anywhere.

  7. avatar
    linjo | 22 January 2009 at 10:00 pm #

    Amazing how many adults dont teach their kids the rudiments of good manners by allowing them to constantly interrrupt a conversation, shits me too!
    Hope the rain does come tonight. Happy day to you Steve. Linda

  8. avatar
    Anonymous | 22 January 2009 at 10:14 pm #

    Despised blogger and commenters,

    I’m in an unusually good mood today and am feeling generous.

    So it’s time to end the speculation over my true identity (anonymuse: I thought you were going to make a paypal donation!)

    I am someone who is convinced that Kilbey is a lying, self obsessed bastard. I have come to fervently believe that he has done something nasty to me, or to someone I know … or to someone anyway.

    I’m so intoxicated by vitriol that I can’t actually be sure that anything ever really happened – but that doesn’t matter, because hate is a lazy emotion and I’ve found it fits me well.

    That said, the pleasure I get from spitting out vicious attacks on Kilbey and his pals is fleeting and unfulfilling. I’m reminded of the difference between wanking to porn and making love (a difference with which I am only too familiar).

    So I say to all of you – please understand my rants for what they are: the pissings and moanings of a demented loser.

    I’ll probably be back later today – nastier than ever – and vigorously denying authorship of this comment. I’ll probably say that this was surely the work of one of Kilbey’s flunkeys (anonymuse: or maybe the man himself?).

    Oh – my true identity?

    I am anonymous, completely, deservedly, fucking anonymous.

  9. avatar
    Bored | 22 January 2009 at 10:30 pm #

    Coward Coward Coward

    And your comments aren’t even fun to read.

  10. avatar
    linjo | 22 January 2009 at 10:34 pm #

    Aww cmon anon can be very amusing when directed at the right jerks! (but not the nice ones!)

  11. avatar
    Anonymous | 22 January 2009 at 10:43 pm #

    too cold in sweden too hot in oz…cant win I say!!

    M

  12. avatar
    fantasticandy | 22 January 2009 at 10:50 pm #

    you do like your chips don’t you killer!
    do you have salt ‘n vinegar on ’em in your part of the world?
    todays blog really made me smile,
    just charming!

    off to the west country for a few days…going to hang out at stonehenge and a few other places like that.
    staying at a little cottage in wiltshire…clean air and tranquility.
    back soon.
    love to all,
    andy L.

  13. avatar
    veleska1970 | 22 January 2009 at 10:53 pm #

    our weather here has been up and down. everybody’s sick because of it~~one day it’s freezing and the next it’s in the 80s.

    “lil (becoming angry) : not prepps eregut PREPPS EREGUT!!”
    **chuckles** what an amusing little exchange. scarlet is so sweet.

    lotza love…..

  14. avatar
    Anonymous | 22 January 2009 at 11:06 pm #

    Sheffield tyler, put on some makeup, pop some zits, and leave us alone.

  15. avatar
    EDD | 22 January 2009 at 11:17 pm #

    Is the anon Richard Ploog? Do you guys still get along? Is it you Steve? Going a little gonzo trying to stir things up? When there is no story you create the story…when there is no contraversy, you create some? Cool! What’s next…….

  16. avatar
    EDD | 22 January 2009 at 11:19 pm #

    Maybe it’s one of his brothers, messing with him.

  17. avatar
    EDD | 22 January 2009 at 11:20 pm #

    Maybe it’s Dubbya. He’s got alot more time on his hands now….

  18. avatar
    EDD | 22 January 2009 at 11:21 pm #

    Or Dick”doctor evil”Cheney…..

  19. avatar
    kat | 23 January 2009 at 12:08 am #

    hi sk & everyone.. lots going on here and nothing at all too in the cincy winter.

    the beach sounds nice, sk. of course, it always does to me. today it was a high of 40 here and i had the car windows rolled down acting like it was spring time.

    as for news, my oldest niece is due with her bb on february 2nd. we are a worried lot here but think the bugger will be ok. she is naming him davis, after all! our family last name. she is maintaining a blog about him, & i wouldn't put it out here, but i know she wants and needs the support and it is therapeutic to her and a way of letting everyone know news without talking on the phone. smart girl. so send/think some good vibes, everyone! the blog is davisatduke.blogspot.com

    andy, have a nice getaway. wish i had one!

    much love to all

  20. avatar
    Paul Lightfoot | 23 January 2009 at 12:24 am #

    Yeah Linjo I agree he is funny and a good wordsmith too with his opinions of certain people on here. He’s got a great SOH. No offense meant to those he targets, but I just like to have a laugh, and whether it’s his place or not (it’s not) to comment as he does on here, he’s funny. Life’s short.

  21. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 January 2009 at 12:26 am #

    lucky sod,its freezin here!…i dont care whether its the real anon or steve,that rant was fuckin funny!
    Gareth,Notts

  22. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 January 2009 at 12:57 am #

    Where is Richard Ploog? Steve, why must it be you? You cannot hold a grudge forever. Peter and Marty want him back. Let Timbo go,

  23. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 January 2009 at 1:01 am #

    I will send you some kobe beef, if you tell us the truth on what happened with Richard and you .

  24. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 January 2009 at 1:06 am #

    Steve, are you the anonymous? You are a sick bastard. Go get some fucking professional help.

  25. avatar
    captain mission | 23 January 2009 at 1:59 am #

    over the bridge there is no respite from this heat, normally i enjoy these hot sweltering days but this is getting ridiculous. even my clocks are melting.i was in the water at dawn, quite cool and refreshing with a nice wave. but then the sun started to bite my skin.

    preying mantis is a good sign apparently, it symbolizes god. one of the first known representations. they are also good for plants as they eat all the plant eating bugs, so healthy plants will often have a mantis around.

  26. avatar
    Paul Lightfoot | 23 January 2009 at 2:01 am #

    Hey Killer

    Any chance of The Church doing a Sydney gig in March as well? I’ve got QF mileage points to use and will be over like a shot if you do. Come on!!!! It’s a year next week since the Hunter Valley gig with The Pretenders. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.. If you do ask you don’t get 🙂

  27. avatar
    Paul Lightfoot | 23 January 2009 at 2:13 am #

    Correction! Two years next week since the Hunter Valley gig I last saw. The last Sydney gig you did was a private one for David Jones. So it must be time, he asked in vain.

  28. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 January 2009 at 3:06 am #

    eeeek…. heat or this below… might want to let the waters clear a while.

    “The body was found about 100 metres off shore under a sewerage pipe below [Bondi Golf Club] on Military Road,” a police spokesman said.

  29. avatar
    Freddie | 23 January 2009 at 4:08 am #

    Stubborn sand & hot weather is a bad combination:-)
    Hang in there, this too shall pass.

    It's fun to 'see' those things with the kids.
    Speed Racer hangs around at our house all the time 😉
    xoxo

  30. avatar
    lily was here | 23 January 2009 at 4:26 am #

    A rent increase that high should be illegal. Mr Lightfoot, east coast mid March – band to announce asap. Storm here last night, muggy today. Keeping us on our toes. In the evening we head down to ‘Mudbergs’.. new name for our swimming hole. Smiling at Scarlet’s names for things.

    Shriek cd is very cool tho’ – great voiceover by SK (you really need to tread the boards)The prog lovers will drool over the guitar work, oh yeah.

    xxx

  31. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 January 2009 at 7:18 am #

    I find beer helps.

    …with the heat, that is.

    B.Bon

  32. avatar
    davem | 23 January 2009 at 7:24 am #

    Hot? What’s that?

  33. avatar
    Thomas Thomsen, Denmark | 23 January 2009 at 9:34 am #

    Steve as the anon? I must admit the thought has crossed my mind (Steve’s the only other person, who’s called me Tommy here). But I choose not to believe that they’re one and the same person.

  34. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 January 2009 at 10:20 am #

    “fuck mate…“ you know when you`ve been kilbeyed

  35. avatar
    Freddie | 23 January 2009 at 10:46 am #

    Steve may have been an anon,
    I've been an anon a few times myself.
    There's all kinds of anons & a few of em want to cause a stir.
    But care has to be taken because
    It is all too easy to produce a fake
    of any one of us just by observing a few patterns.

  36. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 23 January 2009 at 11:02 am #

    i don’t mind the heat but what’s killing me at the moment is the FUCKING HUMIDITY….air feels like a wet blanket…as for hot chips, yum, love hot chip sandwiches with tomato sauce, what do you pommy chaps call them, chip butties or something?
    love going to the beach but hate getting sand up me clacker….
    love always…..

  37. avatar
    ross b | 23 January 2009 at 11:19 am #

    at 2:30am this morning i started coming home from galavanting around the main quadrangle at sydney uni, with someone else, for the sheer fun and buzz of it…it is a very buzzy place that sydney uni, awesome architecture & sandstone. we took photos of the corridors & lamps and gargoyles and got wet with the sprinkler system on the lawn…no else around, poifect!

    summer is pretty good and it makes me feel that the good times never end and it brings back fond memories and feels from around 20 years ago like when starfish came out and i was 18 blah blah..

    Fini!

  38. avatar
    catchow | 23 January 2009 at 11:44 am #

    i’d like you to send us some of
    your “infernal fucking heat”!…round here it’ s a long and cold and rainy winter ..
    always very pleased to read your blog:good way of looking at things
    with touch of(british!) humour…

  39. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 January 2009 at 12:11 pm #

    Steve and Barry are not the same person.
    Steve accuses himself of rape and violence towards women?
    Hardly.
    I agree with Mr Ricky’s post to Barry in December…

  40. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 January 2009 at 12:52 pm #

    Hello, anon here. Steve only wrote the anonymous diatribe above, never in the past to my knowledge thommy. Also my name is not barry as the fruity glam rocker sheffield tyler likes to portray. Like I said previously I am a scumbag but don’t like to see anyone else take the blame for my tomfoolery. I never had a run in with steve and truly am a big fan. Once in the past I made a sincere comment which did not jive with the company line so to speak and was jumped on by the whole group and it provoked me to start getting a rise out of everyone. Nothing more sinister than that. I am not filled with hate, just like to poke fun at people who are taking themselves too seriously. I am going to tone it down a bit and sign up with a name so not to be further lumped in with other anon’s. Remember people, as the great Confucius once said, “it is better to be pissed off than pissed on” Cheers.

  41. avatar
    eek | 23 January 2009 at 1:35 pm #

    lil : or prepps eregut
    (this is her way of saying prince eric who is ariels hubby)
    big : no no prepps eregut
    lil (becoming angry) : not prepps eregut PREPPS EREGUT!!!
    big : ok ok ok

    See, this illustrates the difference between parents and everyone else. You say “ok ok ok” when I would say “huh??” which would probably tick off Scarlet and I’d still be totally confused.

    My sympathies on the heat. Hope it cools off soon. While I generally like cooler better than warmer, extremes of both are miserable. Over the weekend the temp went down to -8 F one night and my brother’s furnace went out. Being the empathic soul I am, I couldn’t help thinking I am soooo glad that didn’t happen to me! 😀

  42. avatar
    seoigh | 23 January 2009 at 2:22 pm #

    anon 11:52-
    All that’s well and good, but I really need some help from you. I’m promoting this boy band and I need to come up with some good t shirt designs…

  43. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 January 2009 at 2:35 pm #

    Good one Seoigh! I jumped on the person who hatched that plan more than anyone. In fact I started the term boy band in reference to that nutty post so no, that wasn’t me. I never understood how printing up thousands of shirts classified as “free advertising”. Plus I would never presume to give sk advice, I know nothing of the ends and outs of music bizz. Steve could never sell out that way, we all know it,he can be depended on like the sun or tides. That is what makes Kilbey Kilbey.

  44. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 January 2009 at 2:38 pm #

    In fact Seoigh about the hardest I have ever laughed was when the original post was made and it was about 75 lines long with all this convoluted garbage and steve chimes in with a simple post, “sounds easy”. Fuckin’ made the beverage I was drinking fly out of my nose.

  45. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 January 2009 at 2:49 pm #

    Well, what about Richard Ploog?
    Where is ?

  46. avatar
    a-nunny-moose | 23 January 2009 at 2:56 pm #

    Now I have an official name, I will not be lumped in with the Ploog ninny. Very liberating actually.

  47. avatar
    a-nunny-moose | 23 January 2009 at 3:04 pm #

    Although I have been “official” for only a few moments I have something to say that has really been bothering me. I am sick and tired of all these chicken-shit anons. Show some balls people.

  48. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 January 2009 at 3:31 pm #

    haha,who needs television!?the meeses around here are quite somethin’else!’D ;/ 🙂 xo

  49. avatar
    CSTCoach | 23 January 2009 at 4:07 pm #

    wanna trade for a while sk? been around -22C here for the past while. both are miserable, but a change of misery might be nice… whattaya say?

    BTW, your anon at 9:14 was hilarious. nicely played.

  50. avatar
    Kokky | 23 January 2009 at 4:12 pm #

    I could do with scorching heat instead of sleet layering on top of slippery, miniature-glaciers on the pavements. I’ve booked my flights. See ya in march.. 🙂

  51. avatar
    davem | 23 January 2009 at 5:19 pm #

    Got back today and the postie has tried to deliver my copy of shriek. Sadly he couldn’t fit it into my letterbox…ooeerr.
    I can collect it at 7am tomorrow though and it can accompany me on my drive to Derby. The glamour.
    Andy – enjoy Somerset mate!
    Have a good weekend all.

  52. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 January 2009 at 6:15 pm #

    The only thing that’s official about you, anon, is that you’re officially an anonymous twat. Where’s your real name and photo, Mr. a-ninny-muse? Not all that creative a name, is it?

    So I quote once again a song written just for you, my dear:

    You called out from the gutter
    I couldn’t hear the words you muttered
    Then you discovered hell and paid the full price
    Angels sent to tempt ya
    Desire couldn’t melt ya
    This ain’t no missionary’s speech
    Just some friendly advice

    Why don’t you kill yourself?
    You ain’t no use to no-one else
    Why don’t you kill yourself?
    You ain’t no use to no-one else

  53. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 January 2009 at 6:16 pm #

    Woof, little doggy. Woof.

  54. avatar
    seoigh | 23 January 2009 at 6:18 pm #

    This is a really strange place to encounter such anger.

  55. avatar
    Sheffield Tyler | 23 January 2009 at 6:33 pm #

    Seriously kill yourself

  56. avatar
    Sheffield Tyler | 23 January 2009 at 6:37 pm #

    The above kill yourself comment was supposed to be anonymous but fuck it, this anon has really gotten my goat. I want him dead! Come on out little doggy.
    Woof Woof Woof

    Come on out to play a-ninny-moose. What a dumb fucking name you have chosen. Man up and put a photo with your posts like mine. Didn’t think so. Woof woof woof little doggy.

  57. avatar
    Sheffield Tyler | 23 January 2009 at 6:41 pm #

    Cat got your tongue anonny-moose? Come out to play doggie. I can crush you under my boots. You can’t play an instrument for shit moose boy. Wooof woof woof. Coming up with a name doesn’t matter. You are still a coward. woof woof doggie woof.

  58. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 January 2009 at 6:56 pm #

    Mr. A-ninny-muse is just jealous of you, Tyler. Just like he’s jealous of Steve and his fans. I can’t even begin to imagine how sad the cretinous anon aka Barry the Wanker must look.

  59. avatar
    Sheffield Tyler | 23 January 2009 at 7:14 pm #

    Anon at 5:56, you are one hundred percent right. He is jealous of me. I bet he never posts a photo. Probably has a dick sticking out of his head, fucking wanker. Come out to play a ninny muse woof woof woof

  60. avatar
    steve kilbey | 23 January 2009 at 8:04 pm #

    yawn

  61. avatar
    EDD | 23 January 2009 at 8:06 pm #

    This is a strange place to encounter anger…Steve never gets angry……

  62. avatar
    a-nunny-moose | 23 January 2009 at 8:10 pm #

    You want me dead Tyler? My Lord man, you are taking life too seriously.

  63. avatar
    MEM | 23 January 2009 at 9:24 pm #

    i exit
    the moon’s
    last
    dance
    in the room

  64. avatar
    Anonymous | 6 January 2010 at 9:18 pm #

    is porn the only winner during credit crunch?


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