posted on November 20, 2006 at 7:58 pm

*and then spat it back out….

bondi nsw australia 21 11 06

a hideous black n white monster
with green headings
today gorged itself on the beachside suburb of bondi
police n firemen say they were powerless
against the beasts adjectival phrases n hipster spellings
the blogge was believed to aided n abetted by a number
of commenters as it continued its rampage thru the streets
men in suits n middleclass old bits of mutton dressed up as lamb
were particularly at risk
the blogge seemingly deliberately targetting a bank manager
getting out of his bmw 4 wheel drive
who was sucked in, briefcase, financial times n all
and then regurgitated wearing a paisley kaftan
clutching a brian eno record and a copy of journey to the east
the former bank manager said
its great….could you burn me a copy of popul vuh?
only moments later
a hoity toity anorexic but with flabby bits rich wifey
was trowelling on her pancake and applying her cover-up
in her ensuite bathroom with rare narwhal fittings
when without knocking
the blogge burst in, swallowing her immediately
she was later seen at a hare krishna restaurant
serving the poor and proclaiming
the time being is my main man…
a teenage girl in a merc her (sugar) daddy had given her
sitting at the lights listening to craig obey versus the church
listening to the god awful doof doof doof and thinkin’
gee this is good
was suddenly sucked from her car by the blogge
and thrown up clutching a flexi single of unsubstantiated
and a dog eared copies of the female eunuch n das kapital
however
police here report
the strangest thing being
was a fifty 2 year old man in his blue grey falcon wagon
described as scruffy bohemian bricklayer type
holding acetates of hawkwind demos n manuscript
for shakespeares missing play
was vomited forth
as snappy cappytalist
auctioning off artworks for huge sums
trying to persuade folks to pay for his ramblings
and trying altogether to recast himself
as some kinda sagacious avuncular niceguy
(btw, the timebeing had ‘is hare cut last nite!!)
peddling his own brand of a cobbled together
hodge podge
of hedonistic hippy dribble
half digested chunks of eastern philosophy
and semi-automatic tripe
which he produced in a cannabis fog
as easily as most people yawn
and lo
he fucking prevailed
and the good sound of space rock was heard!
police describe the man they are looking for
as 5 feet eleven inches of cork-asian appearance
he had brown fine hair and a white beard
he also had buns o steel
he spoke with an anglo-austro accent
and prone to using words like vermillion
or
anathema
he had freckles
he wore rayban sunnies n blunnies
he wore black shorts and had tanned muscular calves
he wore a popul vuh for pope tshirt
and a hat which said vote vishnu
with him were his quintuplets
born from different mothers
their names were
calliope, frigga, autumn-rain, bubbles and lu-lu
all his daughters were girls
in one hand he clutched the green five sided leaf
in another a carob fruit n nut bar
in another hand was a chai soy latte with aloe vera chewy bits
yet another hand held a treatise on cosmic fire by todd rundgren
when questioned the man admitted he was the time being
a fugitive from mediocrity n maudlin gossipbags
hed been on the lamm but never the lamb!
hed meet n greet but no meat!
wheel me deal but dont break no legs
bake me a cake but dont break no eggs!
the man had evaded capture by a series of yoga poses
ie posing as a yogi (bare?)
he had assumed the dog position on priest equals oarer
yeah
its all gone silly again…!
so what sunshine?
whatcha gonna do about it?
wanna fight me?
wanna bet me?
wanna take on my heavy karma baybee?
my poverty is my riches
my oldness makes me so young
im such a he-man
but regularly in touch
with my (yuck!) feminine side
my homo-side
im spouting prose poetry
but i swear like a fucking trooper
and i rant on about the rotten politicians
ruining this holy earth
and then i contra-dicked myself
took the cash
(15 cents)
absconded with a burn of elmomento2
and a brown paper packet containing
the remnants of glennys hydgey
ha ha
youll never take me aloof he screamed
as he plummetted into well heeled obscurity
would you like to write like the time being?
send 15 cents to this address
the time being
livin it large towers
13 prosperity street
(next door to jet n benny fanning)
tinseltown, $9999
remember
each purchase
will get you
for a limited time being only
a special offer
a free non-sequitur
OR
an anatomically correct tb doll
(w/ real steel buns n cobalt balls)
look i can write anything i like
look!
bebrvbir rtiueh vtgverf o 754678&^%*O b
pure genius
pure dirt
naughty being naughty
read about me
reed about me
king midas has asses ears
and ears on his ass
i wish he’d tune my muffler n fender jazz
its chris masse
deck the eeks with bits of holly
look im quite mad you know
i mean its quite voyeuristic of ya
to witness the ravings of an insane man
ive gone like artaud or neeeszche
you know
how all us olde genii go fucking loopy in our senility
you used to love me cos i was pretty n fey
now you really love me cos im pretty frayed
all the ladies want a beard like mine
just ask em
ladies?
yes.
would you like a beerd-like myne?
yes!
ah, there you go!
doubting thomases the lot of ya!
why i can do whatever i like here
this blogge is mine
you hear me
MINE!
DONT TELL ME TO CHILL OUT!!!
I AM THE TIME BEING!!!
EXTERMINATE!!!
EXTERMINATE!!
SUBSCRIBE!!
SUBSCRIBE!!

oh my silly fiends
have yerselfs a nice little day
or a cosy little northern hemi-sfeer nite
yours
as never
nevets nhoj yeblik the 2nd n a half, eskquire

63 Responses to “the blogge that ate bondi*”

  1. avatar
    the dean | 20 November 2006 at 9:34 pm #

    You certainly are the
    multi-faceted one

  2. avatar
    mandn | 20 November 2006 at 9:39 pm #

    but what became of the monster Orpheus?

    and thanks for the giggle today, I needed that.

    xo
    Mary

  3. avatar
    Anonymous | 20 November 2006 at 9:49 pm #

    i see you’re back then mr k. earlier i was bashing out the half arsed cacophony of shite that i like to call the blues. i am a keen but abysmal guitarist. my son who dislikes almost every note i play, had tuned the noise out and sat at my laptop poking about on the internet. then i started to play the starting bit of reptile – again and again and again – before i knew it the boy was singing along with (not that there were words mind, just sort of ‘do do do dodo do do do dodo’. we had a lovely couple of minutes doing this, childish voice and amateurish guitar playing – bliss. so there – nearly 20 years after recording, one of your toons (well, lets be honest, the MWP guitar bit really) has provided a genuine little nugget of pleasure here in the family home on the grey shores of miserable blighty. thanks for that.

    pip

  4. avatar
    John Garratt | 20 November 2006 at 9:49 pm #

    I have “Warm Spell” on flexi. Does that make me real? Would the Time Being approve?

    John

  5. avatar
    the woods | 20 November 2006 at 10:14 pm #

    This blogg took me far away for a moment in time….

    Now I am back, must I return? Can’t I live in blogg limbo….Is that for sale too??

    Pierre

  6. avatar
    craig1.618 | 20 November 2006 at 10:16 pm #

    ” deck the eeks with bits of holly”

    i know what i’m getting her for christmas…..a dvd player that operates on thought command with the extra spacejunk hover button……it functions as a t.p. sleep sensor detector and avoidance system

    o-hi-o eek…i kid you 😉

  7. avatar
    mattdavison | 20 November 2006 at 10:20 pm #

    The time being walked into a shop. The man behind the counter said “can I help you… the time being just stood and smiled, then spoke “I would like to ask you a question?? Sure said the shop worker.. What do you sell here said the time being.. In an anglo -aussie accent, perfect diction..and a humble tone..
    “Well we sell francensence,& myrrh, we sell books by ancient god’s, chrunnc on vinyl..cd’s and tapes..Buddha sculptures and manuka honey candies and carob chokies, and if you want to read for free we make soy latte’s for free..”He stated” Oh and we offer free subsriptions to the ‘time being…
    As he looked around after saying this the Time being had gone and crowds were starting to appear outside of the window..They were taking down the signs, that said 7-eleven and carrying insense sticks and bass guitars..Soon street corners were morphing and changing..tv’s in shop windows were changing their programing..league was becoming prose poetry readings.. mc) the Dalai lama… cars were dissapearing and children were playing marbles in the streets..
    Mothers and fathers were sitting on the pavement listing to Sanscript (Isadore) on the loud PA..
    Government Beauro men in fitted suits were taking turns at passing the bong, and swaping stories of love and life without hate…
    walls and building outers, started transforming into art. Bright vivid paintings of god’s and nature..embraced bearing gift’s and pandora’s boxes filled with organic treats for the children.

    And the Time being looked on……………………

    Matt

  8. avatar
    Anonymous | 20 November 2006 at 10:38 pm #

    tell us about Jay Dee Daugherty grandpa

  9. avatar
    Anonymous | 20 November 2006 at 10:43 pm #

    There is so much I could comment on here, I don’t think I’ll even bother trying…

  10. avatar
    verdelay | 20 November 2006 at 10:45 pm #

    That was a cornucopia of contradictory carping
    A feast of frivolous fragments

    but my thoughts kept returning to the haircut.

    …thinking maybe you stuffed a pipe with the trimmings

    and blazed down your own shorn mane.

    (there needs to be a DJ with that name)

    A dirty dark blond bong – now THAT’S FEEDBACK!!!

  11. avatar
    Anonymous | 20 November 2006 at 11:08 pm #

    Don’t sell yaself short Nevits,
    Itoones is $1-66 per song. If the TB is going to charge Pay 4 View may as well do it properly and make some moolah while ya at it.
    Coount me in eitherway. The blog is priceless.

  12. avatar
    stealthblue | 20 November 2006 at 11:15 pm #

    SK, that was too funny! That monster was quite ravenous…KILBZILLA!! Classic. Perhaps you should try painting The Time Being…could be interesting. Have a good day!

    Hey Matt D,
    Please refer back to yesterday’s comments. Before I knew it, BLINK! there was another post from SK. (I posted you a quick message.)
    Cheers,
    Ben V.

  13. avatar
    ambnt1 | 20 November 2006 at 11:23 pm #

    Steven,

    Whoaaa! That was even funnier than Fantastic Andy’s “neutral” feedback he left me on Evil-bay!! My sides are hurting, seriously. If that was the calm before the storm, I can’t wait for the “last” (free) blogge.

    –Chris

    n.p. K. Schulze, “Dziekuje Poland Live ’83” (no it’s not Doo-Doo Poland, it means “thank you”)

  14. avatar
    syrinx | 20 November 2006 at 11:35 pm #

    THAT WAS THE FUNNEST RIDE MOM CAN I GO AGAIN?!!?

    My day is officially balanced. Earlier I’d been sent a Jeff Buckley bomb that gave me chills for hours. This blog made me cheer and laugh and giggle. I’ve had it all now for 20 November. And the night isn’t here yet! It’s barely time for dinner!

    I’ve been wondering. To which pose in particular do you attribute the buns of steel, sir? I could stand some work on my calves myself. Have you mentioned any plans for a set of workout books and videos (Feel Great For The Time Being), or did I space on that?

  15. avatar
    restaurant mark | 20 November 2006 at 11:47 pm #

    i picture japanese business men looking up saying…oh no! it’s BLOGZILLA!!!
    i know you’re not in japan, but still…don’t trouble me with the logistics!
    have a great day steve…

  16. avatar
    Anonymous | 20 November 2006 at 11:49 pm #

    How do we subscribe?
    DR

  17. avatar
    damien | 21 November 2006 at 12:18 am #

    You’re completely nutty!

  18. avatar
    fergal | 21 November 2006 at 12:34 am #

    i like the transformation that bank manager underwent; and imagine he subsequently enjoyed ‘here come the warm jets’
    ~

  19. avatar
    leelinau | 21 November 2006 at 12:47 am #

    heheeee…

    ruSHhhh

    ^_^

  20. avatar
    veleska1970 | 21 November 2006 at 12:50 am #

    i wish the time being would come roam the streets here. we need to shake things up a bit. and he wouldn’t have to sweat much at all~~there’s quite a few people i would even capture for him/it and hand-feed!!

    yep, i’m an admitted aiding and abetting commenter. i am an enabler. guilty as charged.

    🙂

    cute one today, steve-o. lotza love….

  21. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 November 2006 at 12:50 am #

    You’re off your chuff mate! And aren’t we glad.

    have a great day cos you got mine off to a ripper!!!!!

    Love
    Celticat

  22. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 November 2006 at 12:54 am #

    I have a question nevets…

    will you make any dosh outta that nasty man Craig Obey or will Mr Publisher gobble it all up? god I hope ya do.

    I’m coming to the sando tonight, should be fun.

    A question regarding Bondi, where the hell do YOU park your car??? I live close by, attempted to go down to markets on Sunday, it was a… nightmare!

  23. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 November 2006 at 12:58 am #

    Ahhhhhh, my precious beastie blogge – hungry?

    Allow me to recommend a restaurant enriched with fake-ness and dangerously dull clones and peacocks.

    Lean a little closer – I’ll whisper it to you.
    d

  24. avatar
    CSTCoach | 21 November 2006 at 1:17 am #

    That’s funny, i was reading neitzche’s antichrist this morning, with a little popol vuh in the background… !!!

    is the time being oozing outwards to infiltrate and exfiltrate and ex-foliate us all??? are we becoming one with the borg? and here several months back i (and many others) thought i was russell. could that have been just a prelude (or a quaalude) to a mass aural attack? should I defend? could i defend? hell, would i defend?

    we could all use a little more time, being.

    ryan

  25. avatar
    wizza109 | 21 November 2006 at 1:42 am #

    Mr Kilbey,

    I did pick up on your cryptic references to auctions and fenders. Look at what I found on ebay…

    http://cgi.ebay.com.au/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=160051886951&ssPageName=ADME:B:SS:AU:1

  26. avatar
    dig | 21 November 2006 at 1:43 am #

    Very funny. Put the paypal on, I’d rather pay $4 a week for this blog than by a Rolling Stome Mag once a month!

  27. avatar
    dig | 21 November 2006 at 1:44 am #

    *buy (that is)

  28. avatar
    ambnt1 | 21 November 2006 at 2:01 am #

    When the monster killed people did it leave a BLOG-SPOT???

  29. avatar
    tb wannabee | 21 November 2006 at 2:12 am #

    oh great. i thought you were going off air today. i thought i was getting me wifey back. can’t you be like tb he’s so funny, he’s so well read and such an awesome poet. and he lives in bondi, what a crazy boho. can’t we live there too.
    so i was wondering where i can buy tb dolly complete with anatomical correctness. woooheee can’t wait to see that and wifey needs a chrissy pressy.

  30. avatar
    captainmission | 21 November 2006 at 2:42 am #

    ha
    its strange, but true, this mornings early morning surf i feel this thing swimming underneath me, it’s a huge beastie, with no obvious shape or form, i say to my friend, ‘what’s that?’
    ‘it can’t be no shark, its to big.’
    ‘did ya see it?’
    ‘yeah i saw something, it was travelling fast.’
    ‘it’s on a mission.’
    ‘yeah heading south, to bondi.’
    ‘mmm, maybe its the time being.’
    ‘yeah ya never know….’

    i like that time being beastie, spreading positive vibrations. looking forwards to this evening.

  31. avatar
    ...being here, doing this... | 21 November 2006 at 4:02 am #

    Hey, this is great! I’d never heard any of their stuff before!

    And there’s plenty more samples here

  32. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 November 2006 at 6:18 am #

    Woot!

    Funny one today, just what I needed after a job interview for more werk and terribly serious adult stuff.

    Was watching an old church vid on utube, man you really were pretty and fey. Don’t panic though it was always PK I had dirty thoughts about.

    Lerve,
    Pollyanna

  33. avatar
    Strange change Major Tom, to Ursa Minor | 21 November 2006 at 6:59 am #


    Of spring about it,
    I can hear a lark know.
    think so little of me, goodbye.

    when the mellow moon begins to beam,
    every night I dream little while,
    he’ll take my hand ;
    and though it seems absurd,
    I wonder why a little,
    why the gods above me, who must be in the change stay.

    he’ll look at me and smile
    I’ll understand ;
    and in a word

    maybe I shall meet him Sunday
    maybe near, such an air will be my good news day

    he’ll build a little home
    just meant for somewhere, begin to sing about it,
    there’s no love song finer, no love song finer, but how strange they allow you to go.
    when you’re near, begin to sing about it,
    true,
    to me it’s clear
    that he’ll appear

    some day he’ll too,
    from which I’ll never roam,
    who would – would you ?
    and so from major to
    minor,
    every time we say,

    when you’re maybe not ;
    still I’m sure to meet him one day
    maybe Tuesday all a little dream,
    and of course prince charming is the theme,
    and he is else above
    I’m waiting for the man I love. Know we both won’t say a strange change from major to
    minor,
    every time we say, there comes such an air of spring

    about it,
    I can hear a lark somewhere, come along
    the man I love
    and he’ll be big and strong,
    the man, every time we say goodbye,
    I die a little
    every time we say goodbye, I me.
    I realize as well as you
    it is seldom that a dream
    love
    and when he comes my way
    I’ll do my best to make him Monday

  34. avatar
    Sweed | 21 November 2006 at 7:40 am #

    Underbart!!! Tack!

  35. avatar
    anal spelling nazi | 21 November 2006 at 8:11 am #

    it’s NIETZSCHE! ALRIGHT?

    still. LOVE yer hedonistic hippie dribble..

    buns o’steel, huh?! DAMN!

    😉

  36. avatar
    isolde | 21 November 2006 at 8:17 am #

    sk am lovin the songs on the easy single or is that a quadringle
    have enjoyed day5 and easy for a while now, the other two are old but new to me love those songs and the songs that they’re with

    Happy Birthday Time Being
    Born Monday 21 November 2005 at 9.36pm and one year old today
    my oh my how you’ve grown! i wouldn’t have recognised ya
    and what a monsta haircut! its deadly brutha yore such a hunk yore incredible mah knees go weak at the thought of ya

    and Happy Birthday dear Verdelay for the 22nd!

  37. avatar
    jack o' clubs | 21 November 2006 at 8:33 am #

    Dear Steve

    Much thanks and appreciation for presenting the Time Being. I haven’t exactly been a daily reader except for the tour you took us all on through the USA – that was sensational, compelling even. It was like a real time actual reality like diary of events, characters, thoughts and reflections unfolding and sprawling across the wide open land. The tough discourses and diatribe rambling forth from some kinda Hunter S Nietszche Friedrich Karouac Jack Thompson hippy space rocker artiste on the road, made a bloody good read anyway. Right On!

    The blog has definately evolved in style too, its got rhythm n’ heat baby. It’s got rich diversity too with a range of rants, hums, musings but some serious stuff and, not to hold back on reality, some very sad moments as well. Thanks again.

    Born to Blogge? quite possibly. Does blog and song come from the same place? bet yer ass they do!

    Am I gonna come and see you and MWP play in Melbourne? Abso-f#$%n’-lutely! I’ll give ya a little of my money that way. I might even bring my little kids along to see the Chyrch at the Harvest festival in January.

    For some reason the story/image that sticks describes the primative bazooka that Nick Ward made with a vacuum cleaner pipe and a penny bunger – what a classic. I can see it in my minds eye and I’m trying hard not to laugh out loud cos I’m actually at work right now in a Library! The bloke sitting next to me is wondering what the fuck I’m on.

    OK, Muchos Gracias Esteban
    Best wishes
    Jack of Clubs

  38. avatar
    Tony Pucci | 21 November 2006 at 9:07 am #

    hi steve

  39. avatar
    eek | 21 November 2006 at 10:42 am #

    You do know I’m going to be dreaming this blog tonight don’t you? At least I hope I do (it’s a hell of a lot better than the one I had where my pet chicken’s foot fell off. What the hell kind of dream is that anyway?)

    Oh! I have another money making scheme for you — for a small fee (not too small though) you could let people give those buns of steel a squeeze. They way you’ve been talking them up you just know a lot of people want to. 🙂
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    craig1.618 — I laughed my ass off at your comment! That would be the perfect gift for me. Excellent special features. 😉 I have yet to play a dvd — even without the “special circumstances.”

    I swear I should have “You’re just not very technical, are you?” put on my tombstone.

  40. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 November 2006 at 11:30 am #

    You will never know true happiness
    until you have truly loved,
    and you will never understand
    what pain really is
    until you have lost it.

    True love cannot be found where it truly does not exist,
    Nor can it be hidden where it truly does.

    The most precious possession that ever comes
    To a man in this world
    Is a woman’s heart.

    Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,
    While loving someone deeply gives you courage.

    The greatest thing you’ll ever learn
    Is to love and be loved in return.

    XXXX

  41. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 November 2006 at 12:00 pm #

    ‘Unsubstantiated’, a rare gem- also available on that silly Tequila Sunrise soundtrack- one of the great songs of the G.A.F. period.

    ~silliness is a virtue~

    C.E.
    ‘-}

  42. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 November 2006 at 12:00 pm #

    ‘Unsubstantiated’, a rare gem- also available on that silly Tequila Sunrise soundtrack- one of the great songs of the G.A.F. period.

    ~silliness is a virtue~

    C.E.
    ‘-}

  43. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 November 2006 at 12:45 pm #

    thank you for the laughter you’ve incited.

    r.

  44. avatar
    ben | 21 November 2006 at 12:47 pm #

    right n wrong. he he

  45. avatar
    Tokin' Jester | 21 November 2006 at 1:08 pm #

    I’m so very glad yer daughters are girls~!
    hoodie jackets & coffee mugs ~ something ta consider adding ta the merch? I’ve gotta couple ideas goin’ IF yer interested. If this pay per view goes well for ya, perhaps your friends will join in? What d’ya say? Pete, Tim, Maarty? I love you guys! ( like an overly happy golden retriever, my tail’s smackin’ me in the face )

  46. avatar
    Andromeda7 | 21 November 2006 at 2:54 pm #

    Abso-tree-huggingly-lootly faaabuluss! Well that blogge all all blogges just ate up all the other blogges, all the two thousand different renditions of Steve Kilbey – the cute pop star, the tragically aging impoverished one, the adorable Dad, the wicked meglomaniac, the devout Ganesh-guy, the malevolent ex-junkie, the omnipresent songwriting guru, the bassist phenomena, the sweet-hearted love-filled peacenik, the space rock guy with maryjane leaves for pupils, the man o’ the sea, the rabid alternative that bites the industry hand that feeds, the gentle vego, the sophistocated old acting mate of Terry and Julie, the devoted son and brother, the sensitive painter, the self-marketing guru and the runaway absurdists and all their steel-calved mates ah, all of them guys and just transmogrified into an inside out absurdicon of self-sending up poetica. Congratulations. Here are my space tokens.

  47. avatar
    Anthony | 21 November 2006 at 2:56 pm #

    “all his daughters were girls”… he he he. talked to restaurant mark on the phone this morning and half our conversation was about yer blogge… you’re taking over our lives. oh wait, that happened back in ’81.
    A.

  48. avatar
    JJ | 21 November 2006 at 3:09 pm #

    I started laughing in a conference room at work reading this – got some puzzling looks from co-workers. Ha – the TB gives ’em the low spark of Nevets Yeblick treatment – I loved it! Wish I had a magic wand to wave at ’em here, low spark ’em with TB and see them forever transformed. (That’s what happened to me in 1985…well, actually more like 1965.)

    On the road for The Man this week in a strange, verdant country where real panthers prowl, out there somewhere in those mountains. Popul Vuh territory, land of the Maya. Obscured by clouds, but still connected by the TB.

    JJ

  49. avatar
    gareth,notts | 21 November 2006 at 5:01 pm #

    tokin jester,i reckon retro band and solo,album/tour t-shirts would make the band a small fortune through church merch,gigs,KH mall,etc

  50. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 November 2006 at 5:53 pm #

    UTMW played on episode of Cold Case.

    So do you guys still get royalties from that song seeing as everyone and their cousin is using it nowadays?

  51. avatar
    craig1.618 | 21 November 2006 at 7:53 pm #

    i can’t take any credit for that eek…….i’ve just got the holy spirit of the time being flowin’ through ma veins……..nevets is the master…….alas, i’m just a humbled apprentice in a stolen chelaship

  52. avatar
    John Garratt | 21 November 2006 at 8:41 pm #

    Mr. Being, here is my assignment. You said it was due on the 22nd, I hope I made the deadline and that it is satisfactory:

    Pragmatism and the Time Being, while on the surface appear to be polar opposites, can actually coexist in certain contexts. And it certainly does not always have to be practical all of the time. Often, it is succinctness that cuts through above all else. Having spent three years writing for a college newspaper, I slowly learned the virtues, and eventual vices, of speaking succinctly in print. My main point is, appropriately enough, find the shortest route to your point when leaving a comment for Mr. Being.

    As we have already learned, Mr. Being likes to peruse through our comments and even manages to chuckle at one of them (out of an average of anywhere from 30 to 100…wait, that’s not an average!). From this, we conclude that Mr. Being is genuinely getting something out of our comment(s). An effective way to make said appropriate comment is to truly take something away from Mr. Being’s diary. Sitting on the sidelines and admiring the whole picture is all well and good, but to truly get something out of the diary, make sure you connect with one little aspect of it. It can be the most mundane, throwaway remark that Mr. Being will give you, but hang on to it. If you communicate to Mr. Being that you can relate to this one little tiny aspect in his life, it establishes a link that has more in common with a friendship than it does with mere fan-to-celebrity admiration.

    I recently read in a magazine that it’s okay to joke about aging around a friend or loved one who is gloomy about turning old on their birthday. The reason? Being light-hearted never fails to amuse. Even in a dark situation, it’s plain to see that a joke is someone’s attempt to reach out to you, to ease what is wrong. Never underestimate the power of a succinctly-stated and well-timed off-hand remark to lift one’s spirits. Is there a formula or a science to it? I don’t know. Maybe Woody Allen knows.

    Remember, pragmatism doesn’t always have to be practical, useful, whatever. It’s more like laying the pipeline for communication between you and Mr. Being. And of course, giving him free CDs does not hurt the pragmatic process with him either.

    John

  53. avatar
    Melquiades | 21 November 2006 at 9:23 pm #

    you are true genii
    with the words, man
    love this stuff

  54. avatar
    Amy Jane | 21 November 2006 at 10:14 pm #

    a most amusing read thankyou…..x amy

  55. avatar
    davem | 21 November 2006 at 10:15 pm #

    Just Brilliant today SK.
    Loved it.

  56. avatar
    mandn | 22 November 2006 at 12:15 am #

    tick tock Orpheus

    tick tock

    xo
    M

  57. avatar
    Scott | 22 November 2006 at 12:20 am #

    such stimulation from yer regurgitation, with much thx, peace

  58. avatar
    Anonymous | 22 November 2006 at 1:47 am #

    You guys were in good form last nite, good song choices, we had a very good time.

    Love d n t

  59. avatar
    Anonymous | 22 November 2006 at 11:24 am #

    LOL that was far King hillariouss.

  60. avatar
    Rehan | 23 November 2006 at 1:08 am #

    Neeeszche!?…Geshundeit Steve!

  61. avatar
    Trickster | 27 November 2006 at 3:02 pm #

    “Therewith she spewd out of her filthy maw
    A floud of poyson horrible and blacke,
    Full of great lumpes of flesh and gobbets raw,
    Which stunck so vildly, that it forst him slacke
    His grasping hold, and from her turne him backe:
    Her vomit full of bookes and papers was,
    With loathly frogs and toades, which eyes did lacke,
    And creeping sought way in the weedy gras:
    Her filthy parbreake all the place defiled has.”

    Transubstantiation leaves a foul taste…
    but then, I’m not a cannibal.

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