posted on March 1, 2006 at 11:37 pm

this is not fiction
this is prediction
in 2034
when i am 80
when i should have been eighty
when i will be 80
with its billion people
with its natural disasters
with its islam au go go ruling party
has done the only logical thing
invaded australia
coming down from darwin
the australians have appealed to our goode buddies
you know
the goode guys
the cavalry
the usa
england was no longer interested
imploding thru MEMORY abuse
and hilarious inflation
the now monarchy-less little dump
was in no position to assist her former colony
especially after the latest nut cutlet scandals
so our president worm
(aust now republic)
went to your prez
jehovah bush
the latest in a solid dynastic line
and says
jay baybee
we aussies have helped you
in all yer wars since time immemorial
fer fuck sake wontcha bail us out now
cmon jay, this is seriously serious
j bush jnr says
lemme make some calls…
go wait out there you worm

a few hours later bushy calls
the grovelling prez of austy
back in the ovarian room
well itsa like this worm….
and in a nutshell the deal was this
we will see those sonafabitches off for ya
but ya gotta become the 52 state
(theydd already got n.z.)
and do it all the american way
money, drivin on the other side o the road
cops uniforms
voting food
the whole fucking she bang worm…
are ya readin’ me loud n clear?
worm realises better hollywood
than gado gado every nite for din dins
the yanks ride to austs aid
they see off the indos easily
they play smaltzy girlie ballads from
the early 2000s
projected with massive loud speakers into their camps
they drop big macs on them
after one week indos so dispirited and sick
they piss off home again
the real task of rebuilding aust
in the us’s image
from the ground up
here in this chaos and turmoil
as australians learn to drive their right hand cars
on the left
when they have to get used to all yankee money being green!!
(our money coloured to take out guess work)
when they get used to state of the union addresses
and zip codes
hot flashes
the larry gibbons show
grid iron
and all the rest
in these broiling and roiling times
i am still fighting the goode fight
in the frontline
hooked on MEMORY and marijuana (still!)
i have outlived pm turnbull
i have outlived pm garret
i have even outlived pm minogue our first female
when the job of president becomes available
thousands of bohemians demand that
it should go to me
for the first time
open conflict has broken out
against each other
against the east and the west
as boheemians and “straights” prepared
for the final showdown
now imagine yerself running down an alleyway
in what used to be surry hills
youre jonesing for jazz
you need some MEMORY
xcept yer own
we meet up outside billy franklins
hes not answering the door
the feds are hovering overhead in gyrokoptas
the M fiendss in the street descending on us
like vultures
the storm water in the gutters corrodes our metal shoes
whos gonna rescue ya?
who ya gonna call?
thats right

22 Responses to “the future baybee…how passe..!?”

  1. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 March 2006 at 12:46 am #

    i’ll be 65 and retired.
    what could i possibly do for you from, say, belize?

  2. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 March 2006 at 12:57 am #

    just woke up from a
    really weird dream …
    it was the future
    i was 75 (or was it 74)
    no matter
    i”m feeling really
    young and refreshed
    thanks sk
    i mean
    mr. president

  3. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 March 2006 at 1:25 am #

    In 2034 hopefully all likeminded bohemians will have built a home on the side of a mountain – up there in space , above the clouds next to the sky.
    Folks in the valley will look up & say ” u’ve finally built it, can we come & stay..
    And cynics will marvel & say ” we confess , there were times that we thought it was just an address.
    But now that we’ve seen it we know it’s Andromeda Heights.

    Dutch Pierre

  4. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 March 2006 at 1:28 am #

    You’ll be old enough to be prez. of u.s..
    But the plastic hair sk?
    Can ya get it with a boho pony tail?

  5. avatar
    matt davison | 2 March 2006 at 1:45 am #

    They will never get NZ Steven…

    So Fucin come live here. MC Hammer is.

  6. avatar
    the dean | 2 March 2006 at 2:31 am #

    ray parker jr.?

  7. avatar
    TINKU BHAT | 2 March 2006 at 2:34 am #

    HOOweegunnakall. Excuse me, who are we going to call? Straight buster Steve K. of course. When I offically retire as a Seancer next year, where am I going to live? With the exception of a blink of an eye, ‘007 ain’t much diff than ‘006.
    Well now, since the Indonesians are racing up quickly on the West with their pritty artwerks and can doo ‘tudes, will we be seduced into their beachy ways? Will India still be around in 2054 after the serinades from Alka and Sonu to Pakistan?

  8. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 March 2006 at 3:00 am #

    Mr. President:

    I have news for you. The USA will be bankrupt by them. Indonessia will probably be guarding our ports and borders…. If I’m still here, I’ll be swimming to Canada.


  9. avatar
    Tony Pucci | 2 March 2006 at 3:31 am #

    trout makes a good point
    that, and there are numerous
    small hispanic (some island) nations
    the usa will annex first
    like puerto rico (suave)
    but brilliant steve
    really enjoyed this read!

    ps, we’ll see what shape our military is in
    after 30 years of “civil war”
    democratic restructuring in Iraq…
    usa ain’t gettin’ out o’ dat
    Mess O Potamia
    anytime soon

  10. avatar
    Brad | 2 March 2006 at 4:42 am #

    i thought it was you guys drivin’ on the wrong side?!:)


  11. avatar
    captainmission | 2 March 2006 at 4:52 am #

    ‘nut cutlet scandels’ ha ha, who says history dosen’t repeat itself.

  12. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 March 2006 at 7:45 am #

    I was sure I had already read this blog 28 years ago, sometime yesterday.

    Yeah, its time to mobilise.


  13. avatar
    RONIN | 2 March 2006 at 3:56 pm #

    Nice, sk. I’ve actually been doing some serious thinking about the future. My guess is that by 2034 the world will be in a state of chaotic anarchy due to the effects of global climate change and the fact that there won’t be much (if any) oil and natural gas around.

    But assuming that there is a functioning civilization, I will duly record my vote for the Bohemian Party…

  14. avatar
    OTTOMT | 2 March 2006 at 4:05 pm #

    The bat-sk-signal is switched to on…do I have to wait 28 years for a response?
    Can I get

  15. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 March 2006 at 5:52 pm #

    Trouble in paradise…

  16. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 March 2006 at 6:22 pm #

    me order blokk weeks ago
    me no get blokk
    crunch bad

  17. avatar
    MEM | 2 March 2006 at 11:42 pm #

    it’s called the breakdown of poemblic amplitude, among other things, at all cost – makes it seem like the fast food was manna from heaven…

    who said retrograde isn’t any fun – especially with all this memory presumably about… i wan’t to know.

    back to the un-mix and breakdown edit

    eat it


  18. avatar
    Sonny | 2 March 2006 at 11:52 pm #

    I’d be checking the quality of yer “Memory”, sk. Because you’ve obviously missed the fact that we already ARE the 51st state of the US. This occurred (by stealth, of course) when that little bohemian hater Johnny Howard was elected as PM, raced off to the US at the first opportunity, and genuflected on his little prayer mat before his idol, Jesus W Bush. This was about a dickade ago….

  19. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 March 2006 at 11:57 pm #

    then mmaybe the lesbians…


    with goddess


    our only hope

    after all,

    just a


  20. avatar
    verdelay | 3 March 2006 at 1:19 am #

    If you’re all going to be so bloody paranoid, may I suggest you step off the gear for a bit?

    Besides, we’ll all be SALT by then. So there’s nothing to fret about.


  21. avatar
    Azza | 3 March 2006 at 1:37 am #

    Waht a miserable 28 years it will be if the Yanks still hold the world in their grip all that time! So lets pe premptive. John Howard is done, in fact I think he was done before he even started!, lets get that Bohemian party happening NOW. SK for Prime Minister then SK for El’ Presidente!

    ps got my Block today. Am smiling now. 🙂

  22. avatar
    A Little late comment no one will read | 3 March 2006 at 10:30 am #

    The USA couldn’t even look after her own people in New Orleans, I don’t think the ANZUS treaty is going to be much help, they won’t give a flying fuck, FOX network won’t report it and anyway I reckon China’s going to be the No1 ruling world power, jesus look at their economy boom. Scary!

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