posted on February 23, 2010 at 7:48 am

finally i meet my dental waterloo
my four front upper teeth reduced to pins
to accommodate my new crowns
(what a king)
i spend 3 hours in the chair
after a bit of an argument
my dentist gives me the maximum gas
while he drills my teeth away
and takes impressions etc
meanwhile where do i go…?
i recede away from this world as is my wont
i breathe in the gas and i evaporate behind my screaming teeth
i finally realize …just like the walrus said…
theres nothing to get hung about
action seems unnecessary
all my wriggling jiggling where will it get me but the grave
i dissociate from myself
whoever i am today
wherever i was
its 2010 the distant future
my mouth is full of chemicals
anesthetic itself
impression paste
my old n rotten teeth as they are drilled
glue and cloves and god knows what
the gas mask is hurting
pushing down on my partially numbed nose
inside my head
i think of one thousand things
my old lives yes
or my old lies i cannot tell
i was a soldier who laid waste ilium
covered in other mens blood
i hooked charioteers with my barbed spear
i burned heifers to lord zeus
who seemed to answer my prayers
i raped the women in the city
i looted the houses
and i sat back drinking red wine
while some quack stitched up my leg and my arm
miles away somewhere the dentist
is drill drill drilling
my mouth is open
my lip is split
the assistant sucks the saliva out of my mouth
the city of sydney looms around grey n faceless
my face hurts in every world
i must write this down in my blog i say to myselves
but what was it i wanted to write?
music from a terrible radio station filters through n down
down in my head where i’m drowning in gas
i walk the streets of russia
i live in my little apartment where i drink tea
i am quite mad
but i write lovely music on my piano
its cold today
i’m freezing in here
the music i write turns into birds that fly away
the snow falls down outside and i am quietly sad
i see myself in the mirror
some shadow in the candlelight
the sound of horses and sleighs
the taste of stale bread
no firewood left
the grate grows cold
i retire to my bed to keep warm
even sleep does not come
i lie awake in some confused reverie
when the drill interrupts my life
the dentists is saying
can you open a little wider please
i long for it to end
all of it
the lights in my eyes
the noise inside my mouth
resonating in enamel
the sensation of helplessness
finally its over
i stumble out into cold daylight
and walk about 5 kms in a daze
i take codeine when i get home
more drugs
more haze
more daze
less days

25 Responses to “the gas …..but whos laughing ?”

  1. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 February 2010 at 8:55 am #

    vo wor bwog wov wumberfuw,i pway takev va paim away,.youch. xo

  2. avatar
    EDD | 23 February 2010 at 9:41 am #

    Codeine dreams……..

  3. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 February 2010 at 10:40 am #

    "I feel the pain of everyone, and then I feel nothing…."

    J. Mascis about is trip to the dentist…

    hope your new crowns fit you like a king SK…



  4. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 February 2010 at 11:43 am #

    sometimes ya just nail it killer.. who needs movies when you've got blog writers like this..

    ps hope you aint in to much pain

  5. avatar
    veleska1970 | 23 February 2010 at 12:27 pm #

    never had crowns but i've had several root canals. and the gas is exactly as you describe.

  6. avatar
    steven koontz, north carolina | 23 February 2010 at 1:00 pm #

    Hey, Steveo…have a quick recovery….the DDS is never a fun visit!!

  7. avatar
    davem | 23 February 2010 at 1:33 pm #

    We all have to get through that time in the dreaded chair somehow!!
    Blighty misses you…..

  8. avatar
    Freddie | 23 February 2010 at 1:45 pm #

    I knew you were in for a rough day 🙁 but the hard part is over now.

  9. avatar
    LF | 23 February 2010 at 3:09 pm #

    Sounds awful, but a tiger needs to have strong teeth. Hope the new ones do you right.

  10. avatar
    knot | 23 February 2010 at 5:48 pm #

    i was reading yesterday to the children of baba yaga and her black iron teeth


  11. avatar
    restaurant mark | 23 February 2010 at 6:05 pm #

    yuck…the dentist. i have some work to get done myself, unfortunately. hope your mouth feels better soon.
    how are you professor kilbey? hope you and yours are well. been away too long…life has been getting in the way of my leisure time. i should be tuning in on a regular basis again.

    take care

  12. avatar
    persephone2u | 23 February 2010 at 6:10 pm #

    Only you could come up with beautiful imagery and prose from visiting the dentist! I'm terrified of laughing gas. I had it once when I was small and felt like I was floating up near the ceiling and was looking down at everyone while listening to some very loud and very distorted songs that were playing. When I came to and asked why they'd turned off the music, they told me there wasn't any music playing to begin with. So that's that. Never went near laughing gas again.

  13. avatar
    restaurant mark | 23 February 2010 at 6:41 pm #

    see ya in may! nice…

  14. avatar
    matt davison | 23 February 2010 at 9:04 pm #

    were you also having a root on the canals in Venice… Just wondering caus thats what I woulda been dreaming!! 🙂


  15. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 February 2010 at 9:12 pm #

    I had a similar experience at the dentist yesterday, SK. Hopefully the recovery is quick.

  16. avatar
    princey | 23 February 2010 at 9:34 pm #

    That sounded sooooo painful & uncomfortable sk and to be sitting there for 3 hours, OMG!! Sending you a smile (sorry) and hope you feel much better today. And thanks for blogging even though you were feeling so miserable, you're a trooper:)
    Love Amanda

  17. avatar
    John Garratt | 23 February 2010 at 10:08 pm #

    If only my trips to the dentist were this interesting. Composing music in Russia? I mean, c'mon…wow!

    John Garratt

  18. avatar
    cazziem | 23 February 2010 at 11:05 pm #

    My heart goes out to you SK. I’ve experienced being crowned, and thanks to inheriting my father’s strong bottom jaw any work I need doing on the bottom ones I have to have 4 injections. Here in England not many dentists will use gas any more. But look on the bright side, in a couple of weeks your temps will be replaced with ‘smilers’ and years ago bad teeth just got ripped out. However, now it more about preservation, so when your treatments has finished, just stay away from the toffees!!!

  19. avatar
    Steven Krut | 24 February 2010 at 12:05 am #

    Three hours in the dentist chair sounds like hell on earth. :p

  20. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 February 2010 at 1:44 am #

    You mean some of your teeth are fake? shit, that's worse than a toupee on your head. just go w/ the jackolantern look and stop trying to fool everyone. few teeth missing, big deal.

    wilfred P

  21. avatar
    the dean | 24 February 2010 at 3:59 am #

    show us ya new choppers, already!

  22. avatar
    bc | 24 February 2010 at 4:03 pm #

    well done! and congrats on the gas battle, enjoyed the trip.

    "i am quite mad
    but i write lovely music on my piano"

  23. avatar
    eek | 25 February 2010 at 11:14 am #

    None of my visits to the dentist are ever this interesting either John. I want a dentist that sends me on good trips, damn it! >:(

  24. avatar
    Saint Louie | 25 February 2010 at 6:29 pm #

    Man Stevemeister,

    I can totally relate! I've had crowns, root canals, cavities, fillings, chipped teeth, molars removed, etc…You name it! Many good but mostly awful experiences for me.

    I remember one instance that the Dentist did to me…he ground down my sharp fang teeth and my brother’s too the same day when we were early teens (without asking us!!??). We use to freak people out and act like vampires when we were younger…man o man I miss freakin’ people out with those sharp side teeth (what are those teeth called again?).

    I don't think I have any real teeth left at all!? Also, I think that MOST, but not all, dentists are crooks! They're out for blood & money! LOL. Hopefully in the end you paid for what you received!

    You did the right thing by Getting All Gassed Up Man! Right On! Hopefully you had a Good Trip and when awoke, a brighter healthier smile!


  25. avatar
    Brian | 27 February 2010 at 6:09 pm #

    Had three of my wisdom teeth extracted about six months ago. Totally painless, the people were really good. I had no aches afterwards either, only popped meds for two days, then stopped and had no problems at all. Very lucky to have had it go so well, I hope you heal up just as easily, Steve.

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