posted on January 2, 2009 at 8:03 pm

zeus the thunderer was no longer listening
his daughter was berating him
whining at him
sulking with him
odysseus this
odysseus that
he had smiled when he heard calypsos name mentioned
ah calypso …..
he sank into a reverie
he had known calypso well
he would rumble out of the sky over her island
her island which was a just a point in a blue sea
her island of enchantments
he stroked his beard and gazed into the distance
he felt his potency rise
he licked his unbelievably handsome lips
while athene complained and irked
zeus stopped time
with memories more vivid than the reality of men
he revisited calypso
her aisles of delights
her potions that had caused the love increased
her skillful hands that flew and hovered
the willows alders and cypresses
her ambrosia
her nights like nectar
but that was all long ago
long long long ago
on that last time
as he was leaving
calypso said
i guess i’ll see you round….
yeah…..zeus said
they both had known it was over
back in olympus
athene shakes his arm
youre not even listening to me are you?
zeus breaks off his reverie
how dare you talk to me like that?
athene glares at her father
zeus interrupts her
poseidon is furious with this character…!
athene starts listing out all odysseus’ woes
OK OK OK thunders zeus
odysseus ….why should he care….yet…
what is it to you that he should do this or that? he asks
athene is a very cool goddess i mean shes very wise
but this question hurts her
because even though she is wise and clever
she is also very vain and very jealous and very bitter
we know this because she competed for that damned stupid apple
bloody apples
eris as the snake
offers eve the golden apple
from the tree of life
and on it is written
to the most beautiful
discordia as snow whites evil stepmother
twice removed as a crone
here my dearie
take this lovely golden apple
from an old woman
and she cackles
as snow white flicks her black bangs back
and goggles the inscription
to the most beautiful
and loki
disguised as kilbey as a boy
offers miss mountjoy his teacher
a golden delicious
and as she takes it
she sees a small sticker that says
to the most beautiful
and so you see
athene had righteously thought
that that apple belonged to her
she wasnt just wise
she was beautiful as well, for titans sake
couldnt a goddess be wise and pretty?
did one negate the other?
in hera…yes!
neither wise nor pretty…
in aphrodite…yes!
the original dumb blonde thought athene
but athene had it all….she thought
but ever since aphrodite got that fucking apple
she was feeling….undesired….
the truth was
she was in love with odysseus
she was wise enough to not get involved with a mortal
but she still couldnt help herself
fixing things from a distance
opening some doors
pulling some strings
some times they saw each other face to face
she was an awesome lady to be sure
but odysseus had never thought of athene in that way
she was like a powerful austere aunt
how sad she would have been
to know he thought of her in this way
how surprised he would have been
to have known his protectress
harboured lustful feelings for his mortal hide
angrily athene guessed that aphrodite was behind all this
her little bastard son with the bow and the arrows
love like life
life like love
idiot love will cause confusion
athene stamped her divine foot
daddy, cant you just do this one thing for me, please?
zeus acquiesced
hermes! he shouted
hermes strolls in
a well toned young cat
pretty much naked
except for a wispy loin cloth
a golden helmet with wings that bark
and golden winged eel fingerling sandals
hermes delivers messages for his boss
zeus says
hermes…go n sort this out for me, old son
hermes says
whats the trouble, squire?
zeus says
nip down n pay a visit to calypso n tell ‘er
to bloody well let that odysseus go or else
hermes says
no problemo,boss…and what if she dont want to?
zeus says
you know what to do
hermes says
consider it done!
now right now
as you sit and read these words
hermes is skipping cross the water like a stone
hes sprinting over the vast seas
all the way down from snowy olympus’ mists
now he shoots over the tropical ocean
wherein lies the nymphs isle
if you were in a boat on that sea
you would see a golden young god
flash across the backs of the waves
rushing headlong
to where odysseus sits
watching the horizon

24 Responses to “the interventionist gods”

  1. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 2 January 2009 at 9:46 pm #

    what a mind picture i had just then!!! an almost-naked, golden skinned young god sprinting across the ocean….hmmmmm!!!! jeeves, get my cold shower ready!
    love always….

  2. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 January 2009 at 9:53 pm #

    wish you’d taught at my school

  3. avatar
    pennybridge | 2 January 2009 at 10:02 pm #

    Beautiful blog today, as always

    In with the old,
    out with the new
    Feels good to begin a new year
    with some ancient g(r)eeks

    May I ask a stupido question?
    Is there any imaginary reader in particular you´re “talking” to?

    Have a great weekend mr Esskay
    -the man, the myth, the concept.

  4. avatar
    ticktockclarice | 2 January 2009 at 10:15 pm #

    God, i have always loved the Greek myths but you are making them just that much cooler. I always used to infuriate my Sunday school teacher by asking why the myths were considered “fairy tales” and the bible was taken as fact. Both seem about as likely as the other. Just one gripe: since you’ve started on this Calypso thread, i can’t seem to get that damn John Denver song out of my head!
    Thanks again Steve, i hope you keep this one going for a while.

  5. avatar
    Anonymous | 2 January 2009 at 10:40 pm #

    Interesting what pops up from time to time on youtube… fastest version of reptile I’ve ever heard… awesome
    played live one Italian tv in 88

  6. avatar
    EDD | 2 January 2009 at 10:43 pm #

    Sunshine on my goddamn shoulders John Denver. 2009 got you thinkin ’bout the past. Me too. On the beach…staring out at the horizon waiting for the gods to pluck me from it and fold me up in the void…..or some such bullshit

  7. avatar
    princey | 2 January 2009 at 11:58 pm #

    But remember what happened when the young and amorous Hermes took a wrong turn to join Bacchus’ wild party in the hills, and in a drunken stupor gave the wrong message to the wrong Goddess??? Now THAT’S a story!

  8. avatar
    matt davison | 3 January 2009 at 12:02 am #


  9. avatar
    matt davison | 3 January 2009 at 12:05 am #

    Oh and you Welsh (sydney based) git.

    I got something 3000 times better now pal. someone with a real heart & 10 /10 looks, and isn't a marrage wrecker. So enjoy yr 1994 ute wih the pink signwriting(838)…..I am way cooler than that manne!!! Aloha

  10. avatar
    A.M. | 3 January 2009 at 12:10 am #

    Damn, I loved this one. You’ve outdone yourself.

    “discordia as snow whites evil stepmother
    twice removed as a crone”

    Why didn’t I see that? Perfect.

  11. avatar
    Anonymous | 3 January 2009 at 1:51 am #

    Love .!

  12. avatar
    heather | 3 January 2009 at 3:17 am #

    god, oh god, oh god!! this is goooood!

    I don’t know the h/story but had a thing for Zeus when I was a kid; later for a hermes’ avatar….so this is great from the educational perspective as well…

    Denver? I’m getting John Lee Hooker Nick Cave, and Glen Campbell…


  13. avatar
    MEM | 3 January 2009 at 4:33 am #

    Turn me up louder, O muse…

  14. avatar
    isolde | 3 January 2009 at 4:41 am #

    but zeus knew that calypso would be as sad and lonely as odysseus had been sad these last seven years

    so unbeknownst to all he put a spell on odysseus

    so for several millenia after his ionian blues, every day he would write a poem, chronicle or song of great melancholy, beauty and joy, tie it to the wing of a seagull and send it across the blue ocean

    and this brought great joy into the world and every day calypso remembered odysseus and how much she loved him and she was never sad again

  15. avatar
    Anonymous | 3 January 2009 at 5:08 am #

    They were two forces, not two persons, he was the sun in heaven bringing life to the earth. She was the earth, absorbing it hungrily, drawing it from him to satisfy her crying needs. And the more she drew from him, the more flowed into him.

    Thanks unto you Zeus for making her empty days a little more bearable, knowing he is there, somewhere, thinking of her.

  16. avatar
    linjo | 3 January 2009 at 6:07 am #

    Beautiful words today Steve. Apt too as I was watching a little of The Gods Must Be Crazy and thought you look quite a bit like the lead character.
    HNY to you and the loved ones. I was hoping for a peaceful start to 2009 after an annus horribilis but everything is breaking on me! gotta larf or you will cry.
    The Dumb Blonde!

  17. avatar
    Anonymous | 3 January 2009 at 7:01 am #

    i long for peaceful rest.xo 🙂

  18. avatar
    limebeaver | 3 January 2009 at 8:58 am #

    sorry if this has been answered elsewhere..but does anybody know if that shriek cd will be released elsewhere? I would dearly love to buy it, but the cost is exorbitant with the book and all..

    big limey love to all

  19. avatar
    Anonymous | 3 January 2009 at 10:16 am #

    may as well forget it then,huh?x

  20. avatar
    Freddie | 3 January 2009 at 11:42 am #

    Kilbey, Kilbey, Kilbey

  21. avatar
    davem | 3 January 2009 at 3:20 pm #

    …hermes is skipping cross the water like a stone
    hes sprinting over the vast seas…..
    that’s you that is…coming to blighty to enchant us with a gig or two!!

  22. avatar
    Martin | 3 January 2009 at 4:03 pm #

    Happy new year, Steve!
    I love to read your blogs,
    hope to see you soon, somewhere,
    – Krallman

  23. avatar
    sanfoin | 3 January 2009 at 7:10 pm #

    Wonder if Athena could’ve got Odysseus a publishing contract or a record deal…

    “Traveling With the Gods” by Dr. O.D.Seuss

    “The Wanderer” by ODC-Us (feat. LL Cool J)

    …now THAT would be a lucky break, wouldn’t it?

  24. avatar
    catchow | 3 January 2009 at 10:58 pm #

    hi Steve,
    happy new year to you, your family and other members of the CHURCH.
    It’s so great to read your blog and always waiting for the next one…
    Catchow :.)

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