posted on May 5, 2007 at 7:47 pm

maybe i run out of things to say
nobody could keep it up forever
grant gone for one year
the ghost in the next room hears me cough
always obseessed by death even when you were alive
if we knew when we were gonna die…..
if we knew what was out there waiting for us
nihilism says nothing out there killer
and in the predawn darkness
its easy to believe
unmasked in these early wee small hours
i rise from my bed like a pale blur on black
melancholy baby
shine on harvest moon river
that big black death patiently waiting for me
the stillness of the night
the coming of the light
shivering
just an olde guy in a kitchen
type type type
words still flowing
we’re gonna rise up singing
out there sydney
sin city
whats happened in you tonight
surf city
ecstasy n slo mo love
mayhem n carnage
people glued to a tv set
urchin and an enemy
alley cats n sophisticated idiots
blokes slurping down beer
they grow fatter n fatter
till they waddle about like penguins
almost disabled and red faced..
kids wake up early and play quietly in their room
today more people will die
more people will be born
maybe for you and me
just another day
we kinda gotten used to em
these days
coming out of the machine
brand new days forever n ever
go on
carry on
do it
start here
but what have we done to this world?
it was the only one we had
waters in flame
ice melting down
fires gone out
i wrote that 20 odd years ago
it all seems like it was 5 minutes ago
when scarlet was born
when i learnt to swim at shell harbour
when the first english boot hit the sand here
and the locals said
its the end of everything
when we discovered the moons quiet music
when we danced on goat feet in secret glades
and we worshipped zeus and astarte
and the stars really fell from the sky
and something out there
something very very very big
pulled us apart
one by one
and flung us to the farthest corners of the sky
the sky that had just appeared out of nowhere
and that poor lonely god
dreaming up some company for himself
separating into countless little flames
from his fire
come back n tell me about life
that great fire hisses
and we burn n burn n burn on
inexistinguishable they say
we have always been here
i need to heal n be healed
i want to go back
this life thing hurts
it feels so real
so real
i forget who i am
im nobody
just another glorious nobody
part of something enormously invisible
yet right under my nose
my spirit animates my flesh
when my spirit departs
or is negated
the flesh will return to the elements
we do hope the spirit prevails
some spirits take such a battering here
we can build a bridge between sweden n denmark
but we cant find peace
mans inbuilt design error
dont you see
you gotta re make yourself over
you cant just give in to everything
i do believe that is in our power
you dont have to be another pig at the trough
ah the pink clouds n paleness of eos as she arrives
i named my 3rd daughter aurora
it was the most beautiful name i could think of
the roman goddess of the dawn
and she is golden in hue and temperament
her twin is eve
her opposite
mother of mankind
the dark night outside eden
eve who is lithe n limber n rebellious
and the first dawn in eden
before eve arrived
adam must have laughed
to see that young sun rise
do i believe this stuff
it is not a literal truth
it is not a fact
not like the time being in his dawn
his southern hemisfear
global warming
its nearly winter but its pretty damn warm morning
well we trusted the villains like we always do
we sold our cow for a handfull of beans
and a industrialised monster sprang up
and someone thought up the 1st world war
and we all said lets go n get killed there
for king n country and the arch duke franz ferdinand
but we won oh we won
and now we……
well we musta got something out of it
and now
and now its sunday
a day of rest
the rest of the day
white sabbath

26 Responses to “the passed n the futile”

  1. avatar
    Queen Hatshepsut | 5 May 2007 at 8:57 pm #

    Steven,
    This brought me to tears. The wonderful thing about getting older is that by and large, you don’t care what people think of you anymore. So here I will open myself up as a sycophant – so f-ck it. Sorry Joyce.

    I can’t believe it’s been a year since Grant died. So many things went through my mind reading this blog. Some day, when I go back to teaching history, I am going to read this to my students. I am going to tell them it was written by a very wise, very intelligent man. You are a great teacher in so many ways. People can say what they want about you – and yes sometimes you may boast on your blog…but you have always, always seemed like a very humble man to me. Despite how supremely and amazingly talented you are; in person I find you charming and kind, funny and worn down, handsome and humble, kind and yet isolated. If anything, sometimes you reminded me of Greta Garbo with her “I just want to be alone.” Did I get the quote right? What’s wrong with that. You want to go off by yourself, have a smoke after a show and be alone. I understood that, after being with you for a few shows.

    I was writing to Sue C about the fact that I still, after 40 years, can’t emotionally grasp the oddness of this hard life. My grandparents are 93; if you lived to their age – oh Steve – 40 more years! Another lifetime to go. Sometimes it makes me tired to think of having to go that far.

    We could go to sleep tonight and not wake up. We must love each other, the animals and the earth. Steve you must know by now how much your words, your songs, your music, your voice, your kindness, your art has meant to me. You’ve changed my life, you’ve enriched my life, you’ve made my life so much better than it EVER would’ve been had you not been here. You’ve kept me going through dark times and good times.

    Words are meaningless. I type and everything looks trite and stupid. Call me a sycophant, a stupid, sad woman. All I know is you and your life have blessed so many. You will never go to sleep without knowing how loved you are. In my own, strange way, you know I love you.
    denise
    xxxooo

  2. avatar
    ed in fl | 5 May 2007 at 9:14 pm #

    How long does it take you to write something like today’s blog? I can’t imagine how the words flow from you…..is it free form, or a lot of re-editing?
    You are one talented writer for sure!

    ed in fl

  3. avatar
    Anonymous | 5 May 2007 at 10:07 pm #

    so tantalizingly beautiful, olde bean.
    ramble on forever please.

    r.

  4. avatar
    PAGEY | 5 May 2007 at 10:13 pm #

    you are such an amazing poet if i can call you that Steve, you are so much more tho. a thousand words cannot describe how beautiful you can express this life…

  5. avatar
    kat | 5 May 2007 at 10:16 pm #

    some spirits take such a battering here ~ amen, sk. amazing journey, & blog..

  6. avatar
    Anonymous | 5 May 2007 at 10:49 pm #

    my street was a kinda simulcast of the abc tribute ,last night……..a warming,broad spectrum of west end revolutionaries and old hippies,and new kids being educated,willingly and eagerly,i might add…………just thought to tell you ….for no particular reason….it was quite moving…though i never knew grant……….an ascendanc of the feeling that one gets when one gheard their music ,took over …awesome things at work here…..love to you and yours genx xxxxx

  7. avatar
    12str | 5 May 2007 at 10:51 pm #

    youve got to write that book kilbey!

  8. avatar
    verdelay | 5 May 2007 at 11:01 pm #

    Hungering, we ate
    And found ourselves swallowed whole

    Watched and scrutinised
    We shut our eyes and disappeared

    Lusting
    Our own bodies were abused

    We couldn’t find our way home
    Then we woke up sweating in our own bed

    The barren woman
    Who gave birth to the world

    The war to end all wars
    Prevented through diplomacy, so we fight on

    The materialist weeps
    Through his long dark night of the soulless

    Alone
    We suddenly remember the city outside

    The gamblers rent
    Blown on a house of cards

    And on and on and on
    Making sense of these contradictions

  9. avatar
    zebob | 5 May 2007 at 11:14 pm #

    Had my kids in the car today. On the way to the story, they asked me to put on “Surfing Magazines.” Despite it being on my mind a bit the last few days, I’d almost forgotten the date. It’s still May 5 here, but May 6 elsewhere.
    Imagine two kids, boy and girl, in the back seat, making wave noises as Grant harmonizes “Da dah dah dah, dah da da.”
    They absolutely love that song. I get a bit teary-eyed thinking about it.
    This life is so fleeting. Just a few years ago, I was holding the same kids in the palm of my hands, so tiny, but with such strong grips. The way they would gaze up and touch my face: exploring, wondering, watching. Seeing the world through their eyes, sharing this world with them is such a gift that I am so thankful for every day.
    -z

  10. avatar
    mattdavison | 5 May 2007 at 11:41 pm #

    Makes me feel like I need to go to Church today.

    Yr right about being warm ..We are sposed to be in winter over in new Zelund, but I woke this morning and I was 21 degrees.. I even heard cecadars last night… And we are in May??

    The big “D” don’t even get me started…. I cringe at the thought..
    Alway’s gets ya when yr alone.

    peace and have a nice sunday killa

  11. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 6 May 2007 at 12:13 am #

    I love the fact that Steve adroitly dismisses the hellish atheists and nihilists. When a person is so multi-talented, enlightened and humane as Steve Kilbey, it bolsters the strong possibility of a Supreme Being, Higher Power and/or omnipotent God ! Death is not the end, it is just a transformation ! Tomorrow, I am in row 7 to see and hear the Dalai Lama in Chicago. I am not Buddhist, but I respect this very peaceful man. The world needs to fill Mahatma Gandhi’s void !

  12. avatar
    Daberhasher | 6 May 2007 at 12:28 am #

    a stinger today steve… death is all around, as always, awaiting on us all… my older brother,(same day, sept. 19th fifteen years apart, but the real kicker is both our birth certificates say 3:26 in the afternoon)one of the souls that take such a battering here, is riding the morphine train through the last stages of hepatitis C… a few weeks, a month at the most… all the shit we went through, and the pain and bitterness, gone now for the wish of peace… he and my Mom both had a hard time keeping the demons at bay… she passed this week 7 years ago, and i can’t help but think about the timing here… she’s calling her son home, home to the free souls club…
    i sit here and look at my three children and hope hope hope i stick around long enough to ask them about life when they too are adults, a term i use loosely in regard to myself… if i may rip off Kurt Vonnegut for a moment, he’s dead, he won’t mind…

    ” I put the big question, “What is life all about?”, to my son the pediatrician. Dr. Vonnegut said this to his doddering old Dad:
    “Father, we are here to help each other get through this thing, whatever it is.”

    and…

    “No matter how corrupt, greedy, and heartless our government, our corporations, our media, and our religious and charitable institutions may become, the music will still be wonderful.
    If I should ever die, God forbid, let this be my epitaph:
    THE ONLY PROOF HE NEEDED
    FOR THE EXISTENCE OF GOD
    WAS MUSIC

    …amen, thanks for helping and thanks for the music…

    humbly,
    erik

  13. avatar
    Anonymous | 6 May 2007 at 12:51 am #

    zebob – lovely post.

    I still can’t get used to the fact that I’m never gonna see them again. The Go-Betweens live were so uplifting, so transporting and so unique. Lovely to see Robert on the ABC show last night.

    I’ve got that funny lumpy throat thing happening so I better go before I betray myself…it is hard to explain how much one can care for people you don’t know.

    Going to put on ‘spring hill fair’ now…

    It’s a truly glorious day in Sydney. Everyone have a wonderful Sunday.

    B.Bon

  14. avatar
    Anonymous | 6 May 2007 at 1:03 am #

    I can’t believe a whole year has gone by since Grant M died. I make myself believe that our spirit lives on after death, I couldn’t cope otherwise at the thought of losing complete contact with the people I’ve loved throughout my life after I or they die. So sk, I’m going to keep in touch with you after I die, I’ll be in your thoughts forever whether you like it or not!!!! ha ha ha!!

    Have a relaxing and peaceful Sunday by the seaside.

    Love you always,
    Amandaxxxx

  15. avatar
    eek | 6 May 2007 at 1:25 am #

    I love the fact that Steve adroitly dismisses the hellish atheists and nihilists.

    Hey Brian Comerford — no knocking atheists and nihilists, babe! Sometimes it’s good for SK to have a hellish atheist (actually agnostic — so does that just make me heckish?) in his corner. 😉

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Lovely blog today Steve. I especially like the bit about Eve and Aurora. Always thought your daughters have especially lovely names. Not only nice sounding, but with good meanings. I can’t help but think they must be much cherished to be given such names. I often wonder if parents who give their kids really bizarre or ugly names resent them.

    I had one of those anniversaries — the ones where you ponder death and the meaning of life — a couple of weeks ago. Best I can come up with is we make, or don’t make, our own meaning.

  16. avatar
    Anonymous | 6 May 2007 at 1:43 am #

    a full length book. yes!

    soon sk soon please

  17. avatar
    Anonymous | 6 May 2007 at 2:04 am #

    one more poiniant thang…..an undercurrent of contagious local icons are calling the “whats her name”bridge ,THE GO BETWEEN”bridge……….at the mention of the apparent official name we reply,,”what?where?…oh!the go between bridge,yeah,oh ….nobody really calls it the official name…”……..love it!!!!!! genx xxxx

  18. avatar
    Misappearance | 6 May 2007 at 9:07 am #

    In all the infinity of time, stretching back towards the dawn of initial vibrations, and turning to face the various intertwined possible futures, it has been a pleasure to share this wafer-like slice of time with someone such as yourself, Steve.

    Your words/music/images have been a light in the dark and have given me an insight into a wider and deeper sea than I ever imagines existsed. You have expanded and impacted upon my viewpoints. Whether or not the conduit knows the sense of otherness is irrelevent, in the same way I doubt a television is aware of the beauty and terror it can convey, or a video tape aware of the images encoded onto it. You were created with all this information instilled into your very fibre. Codes within codes, connections forming and collapsing, a part of the wider scheme of things. You have been able to unravel some it for us, find new bits, correlate it all and present it to us in song, prose and verse. Light, love and energy refocused through the prism of you. You are even starting to refract us some things in image.

    Keep up the explorations, Steve. These are days of miracles, when the usual becomes the unusual. The fact that people are happy to box themselves into a corner should never limit the wider side of real expression, that is up to them.

    Something wonderful is happening.

    Thank you.

    Brian

  19. avatar
    ~ | 6 May 2007 at 9:10 am #

    you are the infinite
    in the field
    in quantum physics a subatomic particle exists everywhere
    in spacetime
    before
    it becomes localised as a particle
    its nonspecific location is as real
    as it’s specific point
    just not yet realised
    whatever age you are no longer in a physical body
    many ages before have passed to your memory
    moments days weeks months years decades
    although you recall being a ten year old
    in essence the ten year old has passed
    to the ten year old, the two year old self also passed
    along the loop
    memory tricks us into following time as a line
    the body leaves the soul, the soul is already
    a part of everything, it cannot really
    go anywhere it isn’t already
    surrender
    to the moments you forget yourself
    the eternal in hearing grant on shuffle
    in a moment you are thinking about him
    the dawn
    yes the light pours outta you
    you are that light
    doesn’t the sun feel good on your back
    and the morning greet your eyes with such glory
    doesn’t it heal
    soothe
    as many have been healed by your work Artiste
    many have swayed to the sound and lost themselves
    for a moment

    and well, industry
    it cannot sustain itself
    we will have to do things another way
    the way may be forced upon us
    dear god I hope not
    there is no reason we cannot change things now
    our so called leaders want it this way
    fear feeds them
    fear needs them
    in america cinco de mayo is celebrated
    independence is freedom and should be cause for merry making
    but mostly here people just go out to eat
    now not everyone celebrates in this shallow way
    but most forget what early americans did to the mexican people
    who were done savagely by the spanish
    and the dirty trade still going on, nafta
    so we’ll have some chicken enchiladas and cervezas
    but stay out of our country

    ~J

  20. avatar
    Symon | 6 May 2007 at 10:47 am #

    Steve…you ability to sense your surroundings and articulate your understanding and perception of the moments you find yourself in is simply……quite outstanding.

    I am constantly amazed at how you manage to capture the essence of what is going on around and then so eloquently share it with us.

    Thanks for this blogge…thanks for sharing your thoughts and images with us/me…it was a wonderful piece of prose.

  21. avatar
    veleska1970 | 6 May 2007 at 1:40 pm #

    has it really been a year??

    very poignant post today. and very relevant. i wish i knew what else to say, but i don’t.

    lotza love….

  22. avatar
    tim | 6 May 2007 at 9:11 pm #

    I’m speechless also… many great comments ..

  23. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 7 May 2007 at 2:53 am #

    eek: Big difference between atheists, nihilists and agnostics. Agnostics have the decency to question the existence of a God, Creator Or Supreme Being. Nihilists don’s believe in morals, conscience, truth and God. Atheists are arrogant drops in the oceans who declare the Ocean does not exist.

  24. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 May 2007 at 3:23 am #

    brien comerford… why don’t you have the decency and respect to not polute these comments with your brubbish. As a nihilst, I have more connection to moral thought than you will ever have in your life.

  25. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 May 2007 at 5:38 pm #

    Interesting writing, I liked it. I don’t have any comments about it’s content other than to say ‘thank you’ for posting it. I’d rather soak it in than analyze it or comment about it.

    Daniel W.
    Centuryhouse

  26. avatar
    music lover | 10 May 2007 at 10:57 pm #

    yea sutca dude kilbey, keep it up love EVERYONE


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