posted on June 11, 2008 at 8:50 pm

me n my dad sitting in the garage
we got this german shepherd dog
called duke the second
hes a really stupid bloody dog
he jumped over the fence
and has eaten some of mrs paytens chickens
and theyre very angry now, our neighbours
his ears wont stand up
which frustrates my dad
who keeps saying
he doesnt even bloody look anything like an alsation..
we discover he has “mastoiditis'” in his ears
so my dads trying to rub this cream in his sore ears
but the dog keeps turning round n biting him
me and dad are trying to sing the dog asleep
so we can rub this cream in
“go to sleep old dukey
close your peepy byes
go to sleep old dukey
go to sleepy-byes”
but the dog keeps growling and biting at us
his ears never did stand up
he pushed his luck with the chickens too
and he ended up somewhere else
where someone wanted a floppy eared stupid chickenkiller alsation

i was in love with shirley urban
pale gold hair in plaits
olive skin
pale blue eyes…linger on…
she never seemed to say much
she seemed to smile and giggle a lot
i think she might have been a czech
did she care for me?
i doubt it
i was so incredibly shy
i just watched from a distance
until we did the grand old duke of york one day
that was a dance where you held hands
and me n shirley held hands
and danced under the other kids hands
that song still gives me butterflies
but nothing ever eventuated
i blamed the clodhopper shoes my mother bought me
paddle shoes they were called
like big bloody boats they were
with this rubber bumper bar going round the outside
i knew i hated em
and then one day i noticed garry simpsons shoes
with chiseled square toes…oh they were beautiful
how could i ever get shirley urban with shoes like these???


into primary school
my teacher was mrs peacock
sexuality began to swirl into my world
there was a rumour that some kids had seen
mr doust “rooting” mrs peacock on a table
in a room thru a keyhole
i always felt strangely about her after that, i must say
i imagined her on a table being “rooted” all the time
i didnt know what “rooted” meant
but it sure sounded like something i needed to investigate
a boy in 6th grade gave us youngsters some tips one day
i remember his name was teddy aitken
and he had dyed his hair blond with lemon juice
to show he was a surfie
he told us your balls were called your cods
and your dick was called your tool or your mule (!?)
he said said a root was when you put your tool
against a girls “crack”
jesus….where did this all happen ? we youngsters chorused
in the bush usually…teddy said with authority
you take em out in the bush and you root em he said
well this sent my mind whirling
i hadnt connected this with babies yet
my mother had had russell my brother last year
but i didnt know there was any hanky panky involved
mum said god put babies in ladies tummies
and that seemed ok to me
then dad took me to a father n son night
where i finally figured it out…
you mean we all got here
because men were putting their tools on ladies cracks??
i decided to try out my racey new vocabulary on mrs peacock
my next composition was something like
i was riding my mule and fishing for cods
and i saw a crack and tripped over some roots
and i lost my big tool…etc
my parents were called up the school
and i got a stern talking to
hmmm…the groan-ups were hip to our lingo
that same year i came across my first copy of playboy
nothing in my life up to that moment
had prepared me for the sight of the centrefolded girl
her huge “nellies” as my dad called em
or her naked pink bottom running with suds
as she stood up in the bath revealing all
wow! i thought to myself
anxiety and something else growing in me now


we moved to shepparton victoria
i went to a new school for the first time
they played different football down here
and they laughed at my rugby style
we listened to beatle records all the time
russell with a plastic bowl on his head imitating a beatle do
both of us strumming badminton raquets
russell was quite a twinkle toes n took his beatling seriously
he bopped around all flush faced as if it were life or death
i fell in love with a girl called christine cameron
she sometimes had blue teeth from (i guess) drinking ink
i thought her blue teeth were the loveliest thing i had seen
we wrote with a pen n nib n ink from a well
i loved the smell of indian ink
which some us were allowed to use sometimes for art
after a rough start i became dux of the class
my first and only dux-hood (# 1 in class)
at the very end of 64 we moved to canberra

a lot happened in 65
i burned down a park
i met and fought nigel murray
later to become known as nick ward
i got accused of sending dirty letters to anna struss
which i didnt do
but the headmaster left me alone with her father
this austrian madman
who pulled me around by my ears
and grabbed my chin and yanked me about
the letter had said
“lets have a root n see how many babies we get”
and it was signed by me
the idiots who sent it had even signed it stephen kilby
but hey
it didnt stop the cops coming round our house
ha ha
its 1965 and these 2 coppers knock at our front door
very seriously investigating this obscene letter
my mum opens the door
the first thing they see is this nude my dad had painted
next thing
theres a playboy lying around
my mother said
we believe in giving our children a very broadminded upbringing
the cops were certain they had their man
even when the other kids
admitted to it
they reckoned they were “covering up” for me
have i told y’all that story before?
boy the anxiety was starting to rev up now

that was a lot just to get to 66
now i got rsi again
ok tomorrow
66 -70


31 Responses to “the raw-ing sixties”

  1. avatar
    the dean | 11 June 2008 at 10:55 pm #

    “root” is such an australianism, it defines a nation. Rooted

  2. avatar
    fantasticandy | 11 June 2008 at 10:59 pm #

    ithink the theme to ‘robinson crusoe’ was by georges delarue…
    i may be wrong……
    everyone who has ever heard it remembers it well.
    so it must have been special….
    yeah brien……when iwas ‘young’ i loved groundhogs….and still do!

  3. avatar
    fantasticandy | 11 June 2008 at 11:10 pm #

    by the way……..
    ’63 and ’65 are two of the funniest things i have read in a very long time!
    stevo…your’e bloody good at this sort of thimg.

  4. avatar
    ^jax | 11 June 2008 at 11:18 pm #

    we had “wildroot” it was a hair creme-looked like a toothpaste tube.. what got me today was the girl with blue teeth and your attraction.. remembering the story of Salivador Dali and his attraction to his wife Gala, she painted her armpits blue, and he was hooked..

  5. avatar
    knot | 11 June 2008 at 11:43 pm #

    and where did you get that fancy Ph (d) ?
    you moved quite a bit as a child. I did also. My baby book shows I moved 13 times before I was 2 years old.

    I just had a birthday and got a bookmark.

  6. avatar
    kat | 11 June 2008 at 11:54 pm #


    what an entertaining blog! (as “far too many..much too much” plays!)

    you burned down a park, sk?!

    ah 66. i know that year!


  7. avatar
    princey | 12 June 2008 at 12:20 am #

    Haha, so many bittersweet moments here sk, I’m loving it!!

    So you were shy, lovestruck, cheeky, smart, hunted down by the boys-in-blue, an arsonist, an erotic poet and into Playboy “nellies” all before hitting puberty!….way to go little sk!
    Love Amanda

  8. avatar
    Richard | 12 June 2008 at 12:55 am #

    “lets have a root n see how many babies we get”

    c’mon SK, don’t you think after all these years it’s time to ‘fess up!

    that’s got your lyrical brilliance all over it!

  9. avatar
    veleska1970 | 12 June 2008 at 1:15 am #

    1963 was utterly hysterical. and poor mrs. peacock~~you were quite the little livewire. 😉

    you’ll have to explain the “burned down the park” bit a little more in detail…..

    this trip through your life is wonderful. btw, whatever has happened to that biography that was supposed to be written by the author dude (don’t remember his name)? has it been 86’ed or what?

    lotza love, stephen…..

  10. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 12 June 2008 at 1:26 am #

    Dukey was the name of our family dog from my ages 0-12. He was a mixed-breed and my very best friend. When he died it was the most I ever, ever cried. My Dukey was unconditionally tolerant, gentle and patient with me. Poor Dukey was repeatedly sodomized by my grandma’s male dog named Skipper. I hope Dukey’s in Heaven like John Wesley envisioned. Dukey transitioned in 1972 and we still have his ashes(Skipper’s in Catholic limbo or Evangelical homosexual hell if the scary American religious right are right).

    None of us should be suprised that Sk was a precocious and adventerous young dude with a shy side. I like the photo of him with the kangoroo inside the “Freaky Conclussions” Cd booklet.

  11. avatar
    calling down baal and zeus | 12 June 2008 at 2:23 am #

    ahh yes the old tennis racket guitars…
    we stood on orange crates and would strum out the best the seventies had to offer ..
    we used mom and dads room cause of the recessed lighting…that was also where the best stereo was in the house.

  12. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 June 2008 at 2:46 am #

    the days of innocence .patting the dog,n searching for ladybugs…when you always,always looked for the rainbow after the rain,always..flannalette sheets in flannalette PJ’s or nightdress,soft pillows,and a cat at the foot of your bed,ever watching,and purring inside his dreams of his gallant long-lasting ,n oh so many more than 9 lives..the deep sleep indeed,sk,n the warm rain..n that bucket full of starfish,now n forever good,yes?:) x

  13. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 June 2008 at 2:50 am #

    CHEEKY! ;D

  14. avatar
    Lian | 12 June 2008 at 3:10 am #

    sweetly cheeky.
    or, perfect smoothie.

  15. avatar
    linjo | 12 June 2008 at 4:48 am #

    We had an alsation called Dooby (after Mr Dooby from Romper Room) who jumped the fence and ‘rooted’ a little dog, bye bye Doobs.
    I loved a boy who ate Perkins paste. I remember the horrendous parent child sex education nights, crackly films, english commentary, everyone squirming with embarrassment. bloody glad they dont do that anymore, suppose we got Big Brother now to learn the little kiddlywinks up! Bet little Stevie got a few spankings. Lovn it, you bringing back lots of old memories, thanks Steve. Linda x

  16. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 June 2008 at 4:50 am #

    very good stefan, zis isss ze first time you mention austria in zis blog

  17. avatar
    cita | 12 June 2008 at 5:02 am #

    Today’s blog really cracked me up.I loved the chicken killing alsation. It brought back the familiarity of my own schooldays. The feelings of amkwardness and acute sensitivity I could relate strongly to that. It is nice to be drawn into your past diary… poignant and funny.

  18. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 June 2008 at 8:08 am #

    Beautiful . 🙂 x

  19. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 June 2008 at 9:40 am #

    tired .

  20. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 June 2008 at 9:46 am #

    word heaven.

  21. avatar
    grow fins | 12 June 2008 at 10:54 am #

    Love this version of your bio so far. As Veleska asked, what has happened to ” No Certainty Attached”,I think it was called.Does anyone know ? Seems about as far away as painkiller.
    By the way, its not called rsi anymore.I saw an oh&s memo at work today that said the condition formerly known as rsi is now called oos as in occupational overuse syndrome.Hope you get through the rest of the 60s tomorrow before the oos sets in.

  22. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 12 June 2008 at 11:03 am #

    shit this is classic stuff…
    me and a few mates almost won a school talent quest by doing big deep-purple type riffs on tennis raquets…got to the final, but alas it wasn’t to be…i think my first big love was my year three teacher mr stevens (dead set no joke)…i thought he was god and i used to come home prattling on about things he used to do like turn a sewing needle into a compass by rubbing it with a magnet and floating it on top of water in a cup…that was friggin’ amazing…i also remember that all of my teachers used to tell me to stop strangling my pencil ‘cos i used to press so hard on it there used to be indentations on several pages behind where i wrote…
    god, looking at those illicit girlie magazines that my older brother owned and feeling all squirmy and funny…bloody hell, there you go…
    love always…
    by the way howdya burn down the park…do tell

  23. avatar
    Thomas Thomsen, Denmark | 12 June 2008 at 11:08 am #

    Yeah, I was thinking about No Certainty Attached the other day, too. It takes patience being a Killer fan these days…

  24. avatar
    lily was here | 12 June 2008 at 11:34 am #

    Ears that wont stand up, blue teeth, big nellies, austrian madman, burning the park!, that goddawful word ‘root’… those things stuck in my mind! Veleska, NCA will be out in Oct08

    ‘Listen, do you want to know a secret…” oh George. Did you boys do the Shirelles thing to ‘Chains?
    love xxx

    ps is Root ’66 next? 🙂 My brother used to sing that song JUST so he could say that word in front of mum and dad

  25. avatar
    matt davison | 12 June 2008 at 11:43 am #

    Fuc I could do witha penthouse now…”postcard Creswick bottom end Aus somewhere!!

    I remember Katherine Kendall father head of BP Asia Pacific,created and introduced “:smurfs”

    Brunette’ killer of all male andromoda she was.. skin like Baileys cream.. I wanted to kiss her more than life itself..
    She was at least an inch taller and I made my mother spend $60.00 in 1982 (today’s value $22,000 on a pear of high healed flat fronted shiney black shoes just so I could kiss her..and guess what she did (under a stair well) and guess what!! she walked away smiling, two weeks later as I look for her in the yard……….The teacher say’s Oh Katherine is away in Europe. She left you this. It was a hair bobble and a card with a heart on it. Good bye Matthew it said.. you are as tall as me now.. i really like’d your’e new shoes…

    K… She was 7.


  26. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 June 2008 at 12:14 pm #

    wow .excellente el presidente!tennis jam, anyone? ‘)

  27. avatar
    crack in smile | 12 June 2008 at 12:52 pm #

    Beautiful and sad, like…

    “you want to remember,
    but you can’t
    put your arms around a memory”


  28. avatar
    Melby Symon | 12 June 2008 at 1:35 pm #

    That was excellent sk…anecdotes about anyones childhood are always entertaining. My childhood came a fraction later…but your storys about hearing “things” from older boys made me laugh and remember things I heard.

    Shepparton is in a lovely part of the world…must seem like an eternity ago now though.

  29. avatar
    Cee | 12 June 2008 at 6:00 pm #

    In second grade Dominic Maestas gave me a turtle patch…I still have it.

  30. avatar
    davem | 12 June 2008 at 8:16 pm #

    Do you mean my Stephen Kilby autograph is a fake? Bugger.

  31. avatar
    Queen Lizzy | 13 June 2008 at 9:07 am #

    We are not a moo,i mean,a muse,i mean,a mused,…amused…whose fucking language is this anyway!;/ :* 🙁 x

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.