posted on March 21, 2009 at 3:29 am

38 Responses to “the seizure”

  1. avatar
    eek | 21 March 2009 at 3:39 am #

    Jesus, Steve — that’s chilling.

    Excellent, but it sure sends a shiver down my spine.

  2. avatar
    matt davison | 21 March 2009 at 6:43 am #

    Bloody Hell…….

    NOT SURE IF I WOULD HAVE THAT ON MY WALL…

    ANYWAY…………

    SK, just forget about it…don’t let it haunt you…It’s over past tense…….

    Hmmmm

    Go easy……

    MD

  3. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 March 2009 at 7:24 am #

    This causes me immense pain…

  4. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 March 2009 at 7:40 am #

    Since your episode you seem apologetic. Repent cause the end is near? This painting is death.
    I kinda know how ya feel, my dad died at 45, ive had a couple of episodes myself.

  5. avatar
    lily was here | 21 March 2009 at 7:47 am #

    more than a thousand words could convey. If only they could see a photo of you doing yoga backstage last week; a beautiful suntanned adonis in the backyard of The Factory, jumbo jets flying overhead, surreal and encouraging. A private moment cherished xxx

  6. avatar
    EDD | 21 March 2009 at 8:35 am #

    Whoa…….

  7. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 21 March 2009 at 9:16 am #

    ….you should burn this as a symbol of your getting through and past this horrible episode…
    love always…..

  8. avatar
    princey | 21 March 2009 at 10:01 am #

    You’re scaring me sk!

    mmm, yeah that would have been a lovely sight lilly 🙂

    love Amanda

  9. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 March 2009 at 10:18 am #

    Steve, you have Chiron at the First House of your map. Chiron is the “wounded healer”. In your words, the problem AND the solution. The logic of poison given in the right proportions. Since yours is in the ego/identity’s house, ego is both your wound and healer. Of course you chose to expose your self through your art (attempt to heal) but had to keep the mysterious aura and impossibly solid walls separating you from people (manifested wound) at the same time. It’s like: “people, take the best part of me but don’t ask me to be just me cause this is when I need to be somebody else”. As a result, the sense of detachment you caused to so many people who came to you. In your art there is a persistent recreation of you. It’s in your self-portraits (various situations, various faces), in Erskine and Neuman, in all the magicians (and charlatans), in your twin sister, in your dialogues with “Kilbey”. (And a tale of a fascinating personality is fascinating both for you and other people). Yet you split in many and always manage to be only one. Above this incarnation you know there is your powerful spirit. This identity task is temporary for your spirit. And I know that, strangely enough, it’s when your spirit takes control (it has been taking more and more each year) that your self comes through the best. But I also know that when you are capable of looking over it this task causes shame and anguish to your fragile spirit – sometimes so in love with this labour of figuring out the personality it assumed this time. I can really see your spirit apart from Kilbey now. And I can see how Kilbey complements this spirit just right. (Your indulgence in drugs is quite explainable: a way to leave Kilbey behind and allow your spirit to rise). But I’m sure you’re achieving balance towards your Chiron issue since you began to open up your wound through the blog. It’s no wonder there are so many incidents with abusers and psychos at the comments section. You’ll always attract this ’cause your gigantic identity is an issue too apparent. Never expect everyone to welcome it or be soothing and understanding. You have many lessons to learn with your most ferocious critics by the way, darling virgoan. And certainly your blog represents a mission because your primary pain of ego, the greatest burden you bear (and some shallow people think it’s all about being an arrogant bastard) – Chiron always speaks about something that appeared in early childhood so maybe you had a crucial experience regarding your sense of self when you were too young to notice – needs to become the source of healing for others. I can see you increased your impact in peoples lives through your daily experiences reinterpreted or straightforwardly put here and this is totally different from affecting them through your music (“it’s really tragic how they needed the music”). I think sometimes you felt even more of a charlatan for being so much to people because of something that often came more from your spirit when all you could directly offer was Kilbey. (In fact, it’s everything at once for the ones who can feel and match). But how do you feel now that you affect people by telling the story of… Kilbey? Ah, it’s beautiful to witness your healing process, Steve, Kilbey, my kindred soul.
    One day I’ll tell you about my Chiron (residing in the Second House: the house of finances). Ah, my energy so painfully oriented to money and stability. It’s where I win much and lose much (ha), where I get imprisoned and released.

  10. avatar
    captain mission | 21 March 2009 at 10:43 am #

    that’s an awful looking experience, really disturbing but like all terrible events one must put them in some context. i had my brain injury a few years ago now, i can never be the same person that i was apparently, but maybe that’s a good thing, i can’t attach value to these events other than i am alive, healthy, able to laugh and lead a relatively harmless life most of which is spent in awe, those appear to be good things. i can’t even recal the man that existed before but im told he was a lot more focused and determined, and he could hold a reasonable conversation. now i just like to look at clouds, listen to music and read, most of the time i have no idea what i am saying. some joker set my reset button and i came back with a new type of perception, some say they like me more now than before, others just get frustrated becuase i can’t operate an electric toaster let alone identify the day or month or year. ultimately what i got was a lesson in humilty and a greater understanding of the important things in life. these things happen for reasons, whatever occurs outside is a reflection of within, ultimately the only thing we can all do as individuals is struggle to be compassionate, loving and true to who we are and it starts with the self. and once we meet those conditions we are tested just to make sure. yes god does have a sense of humour, well mine does.
    anyway i’m rambling and raving and aplogise if i’m not making sense, i do hope you don’t dwell to long on the illness and embrace what you have brought back from it so that the community can heal as well, for this is the shamans journey.
    much respect

  11. avatar
    davem | 21 March 2009 at 10:43 am #

    Stay well.

  12. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 March 2009 at 10:51 am #

    A kid could paint that..I could paint that

  13. avatar
    Freddie | 21 March 2009 at 11:40 am #

    That is disturbing.
    Please take care of yourself
    physically and spiritually.
    xoxo

  14. avatar
    Altres | 21 March 2009 at 11:41 am #

    Great image, Steve. I love the jagged quality and the death-like palor. The translucent eyes really give the impression of a body out of control.

    Breath-taking.

    Brian

  15. avatar
    Max | 21 March 2009 at 12:22 pm #

    Good symbolism for Anchorage.

  16. avatar
    fantasticandy | 21 March 2009 at 12:31 pm #

    struth!
    your own deathmask…..
    yet still you live.

    …not my favourite.

  17. avatar
    matthew | 21 March 2009 at 12:51 pm #

    I think it’s great, SK – a very valid expression of what you went through… nicely captured, fantastic rendering etc. To me – kinda the equivalent of a song off, say, P=A… but visualized. I’m all for expressing pain as well as joy in what I do too… it’s a kinda necessary therapy.

  18. avatar
    catchow | 21 March 2009 at 1:03 pm #

    self….. derision?…..
    self….. destruction?….
    rather distroy!!!!!

  19. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 March 2009 at 2:11 pm #

    Steve??? man, i didnt know all this has gone on!.. my best to you and your family!.. i have epilepsy myself since 04… just out of the blue!…… its not easy to go through!…. sadly, now i cant use strobes at shows either for last 5 yrs!… hang in there! EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON!…
    the senseless happy.

  20. avatar
    CSTCoach | 21 March 2009 at 2:43 pm #

    jesus, that’s intense. creepy as hell. a vision i never hope to see. glad you’re still with us, druid.

  21. avatar
    ScaughtFive | 21 March 2009 at 3:20 pm #

    This piece is outstanding. Nice use of color and shape. I’d say this work constitutes yer Twelfth Labor.

  22. avatar
    Anonymous | 21 March 2009 at 4:03 pm #

    Whoa. Visceral and scary to me. It captures a moment more than words even can, but if the seizure happened to me, I could not bear such a stark visual reminder. Glad to have you still here and kicking!

  23. avatar
    Berni | 21 March 2009 at 4:07 pm #

    How eerily beautiful! The depth and simplicity compliments each other. It captivates and makes me think. It reminds of our own mortality, our ignorance, what we little we know beyond this dimension.

    I see hope in this. Where one phase ends a new one begins. A journey has begun.

    I hope you post more art! [^.^]

  24. avatar
    Queen Hatshepsut | 21 March 2009 at 4:31 pm #

    This is so disturbing I can hardly stand to look at it. I hope it was cathartic for you to create this.

    What’s on your forehead? Some kind of cross? Or am I reading into it?
    denise

  25. avatar
    glynnisjohns | 21 March 2009 at 5:01 pm #

    Ah, feeling like some brains killa?

    If its got to be a zombie
    i’ll take odyssey and oracle anyday

    nah, s’good and spooky

    it captures what you described

    -glynnis

  26. avatar
    CAPTAIN BEYOND | 21 March 2009 at 6:04 pm #

    ouch esskay that hurts…

  27. avatar
    ronbonham | 21 March 2009 at 6:24 pm #

    Man that is down right spooky! Really conveys what you went through very zombie-esque…:(

  28. avatar
    stealthblue | 21 March 2009 at 7:37 pm #

    Yikes!! It’s actually really good…in a morbid sort of way. You should keep it, not burn it(???), if anything to remind us all of how fragile we ALL are. It’s a great expression of how you felt about the whole thing. I get it. I too have had the holy hell scared out of me, and it most definitely changes your outlook. You go, Kilbey. Do what you gotta do to deal with it. Just know that you are loved and cared about, by so many. Thanks for being every aspect of you, and try not to check out anytime soon. Cool?

    Ben

  29. avatar
    restaurant mark | 21 March 2009 at 7:41 pm #

    haunting…

  30. avatar
    Abel Tasker | 21 March 2009 at 8:05 pm #

    Oy vey… I leave town for a few days and look what happens! Seriously, though, I’m very glad to hear that you’re alright. I have lived with a chronic illness for many years and know what it’s like to be struck down. I also know how grateful I am for the time between episodes.

    As far as the painting goes, that’s a very visceral image. Good to get that out, I bet. Have you ever seen Frida Kahlo’s work? She had the ability to portray her physical and emotional pain in very direct (almost crude)images that are just surreal.

    Really digging the new church music.

    Take care.

  31. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 21 March 2009 at 9:00 pm #

    Another display of Sk’s artistic talent. I think the drawing is cathartic and profound.

  32. avatar
    the dean | 21 March 2009 at 9:22 pm #

    the mummified remains or the death mask. the light gone out.
    but fortunately not today. today we live.

  33. avatar
    M E M | 21 March 2009 at 9:41 pm #

    sinking silk
    and burning gold
    touch you as the air
    is turning cold
    another place
    i look for you
    the heights above
    an almost perfect view
    seeing things
    just rest awhile
    as the tide sweeps out
    another mile
    inside the man
    the pleasure dome
    this is the world
    that I once called home
    strangers in
    their naked skin
    waiting for their
    sweet oblivion
    close to you
    hear all you say
    even though you’re
    continents away
    the perfumed air
    the taste of fear
    shrug your shoulders
    and they disappear
    take this gift
    and let it grow
    let it be all
    the hope you know

  34. avatar
    M E M | 21 March 2009 at 9:49 pm #

    don’t come to
    pieces in
    my hand
    white stars
    reflecting
    dust and sand
    that perfume
    makes me
    think of grief
    shake your faith
    shake your belief
    who’s there to say
    we’re living
    this moment
    feels like i’m
    in a play
    the sets and the
    props of this
    small apartment
    seem to be
    fading away so
    i wander through
    these rooms
    i feel the orbit
    of the moons
    and i dream
    what i’ve become
    and all’s forgotten
    by the sun

  35. avatar
    M E M | 21 March 2009 at 10:02 pm #

    I fell asleep
    for a while
    I couldn’t help it
    I’ve been
    pushing myself
    to the end
    even faster
    taking fewer
    breaks
    I dreamt
    while I slept
    Edward was
    in my dream
    Neither of us had
    really ever left
    the insane asylum
    We just sat
    there in
    matching
    straitjackets in
    uncomfortable
    chairs
    facing each other
    We were
    surrounded by
    huge
    orange-red-and
    black mushrooms
    The sight of their
    amber gills
    above us
    slowly breathing
    in and out
    in a sussurating
    mimicry of
    conscious life
    was strangely
    calming to me
    “Where have
    you gone?”
    I asked him
    “Underground,”
    he said.
    “What did you
    find there?”
    I asked.
    “Acceptance,
    everlasting life,
    and mushrooms,”
    he said
    and smiled.
    It was a
    lovely smile.
    It radiated
    outwards
    to suffuse
    his entire face
    in a golden light.
    “Is that all?” I said.
    “Was it worth it?
    Did you have to
    give up anything?”
    “My fear.
    My consciousness.
    My former life.”
    “What was that like?”
    “Do you
    remember
    those
    trust exercises
    they made us do?
    Where one
    of us would
    fall into the arms
    of the other
    and you
    just had
    to fall and
    keep falling
    and believe
    they would
    catch you?”
    “It was like that?”
    “It was like that.
    Except imagine
    falling for a
    hundred years
    before you’re
    caught
    looking at a
    black sky
    full of
    dead stars in
    front of you
    and the abyss
    at your back.”
    “You’re dead,”
    I said.
    It wasn’t an
    accusation.
    “Probably,”
    he replied.

  36. avatar
    M E M | 21 March 2009 at 10:09 pm #

    once I had a name
    forgotten now
    i breathed the air
    in a century
    of wonder
    i can hear it now
    in the darkness
    of the earth
    gorgeous machines
    the sound they
    made like thunder
    great gardens
    drip honey-jewels
    and bright birds
    the pageants
    pass down
    avenues of splendor
    ah, long afternoons
    by enchanted lakes
    upon elephants
    so well I do remember
    lords and priests
    and talking beasts
    golden calves and
    telepaths
    crystal skulls and
    screaming gulls
    women glowed
    tattooed with woad
    colored mists
    and amethysts
    men were strong
    and days were long
    dragons glide
    on mountainside
    mandrake root
    and angel fruit
    sighing winds
    on silver skin
    creation
    transubstantiation
    unicorns
    electric storms
    tunes and runes
    we laughed
    till noon
    sweet release
    eternal peace

  37. avatar
    loolaabillions | 22 March 2009 at 1:03 am #

    wow this isn’t what i meant
    when i wrote
    ‘i hope your painting
    something beautiful’

    however….
    its obviously what’s going on
    right now…

    god i wish i
    could ease your suffering 🙁

    i really feel for you…xoo

  38. avatar
    Anonymous | 22 March 2009 at 2:43 am #

    absolutely fabulous
    a letting go of ownership
    it does not own me !!!
    it was part of me
    now i am nnot going to become IT
    I’m am going to be me
    KILBEY


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