posted on August 30, 2006 at 1:25 am

this blogge is for the dean…
ypu wanted an uninformed dullard roasted
ooh deany
i got just the turkey for you!
now no one on this blog can ever question
how much this olde hippy loves orstraylia
and i fall down and pay homage to the geniuses
n one-offs and all the other brilliant australians
the passing parade
our great painters
our great writers
our grate actahs (whoever they are)
our great musicians
(and heres a lil list in case ya forgotten)
grant mclennan, robert forster, dave mccomb
nick cave, hutch, all india radio, underground lovers
augie march, the finger, decoder ring,neil finn (well almost aust)
blah blah blah blah blah
i aint got no cultural cringe
i lived in the u.s. n i lived in europe
but i chose to come back here
an’ i doo love it here
but one thing has always bothered me
about austrayliah
and that is
that the tendency to be a second rate
poor mans usa
we dont fuckin’ need it
anymore than we need to be
second rate uk
australia has its own thing
it always had and it always will
why this desire to replicate american stuff
now ya may be wonderin’ a’where im going with this
awkward little preamble
but this is it
(deep breath)
last nite i watched australian idol
a grim n horrible confession
to be sure
but ya see
i was curious to see how they were gonna do my song
so there we are
sittin round the idiot box
australian idol
yeah yeah
nothin new
we used to have these shows even when i wassa kid
talent shows
new faces
gong shows
but now mutated into this juggernaut
1st of all we getta recap on last show
a buncha of aussie chicks singin either
a) like they grew up in a ghetto in philly
b) like they grew up in a trailer park outside nashville
but whatever it is
it aint australian…thats fer fuckin sure
carbon copies of carbon copies
yeah yeah australias beyoncee from wagga wagga
yeah yeah australias dixie chick from adelaide
we have the ridiculous moment where all these
girls, bitter rivals desperately clawing their way
to the top of an illusory dungheap
and the 2 winners get announced
ah look
all the others so excited to see their rivals win
and not them
crying and covering the glorious winners in kisses
even tho theyre going straight back to wherever it was
empty handed
such false n sickening insincerity
played out by countless women in dopey miss universe pageants
since the year dot
every one of em wants to scream
what the fuck…?!
how did SHE win..?!
im a better beyoncee than HER!!!
but no
its fawning kisses and all that hysterical tripe
bah humbug!
but this is jus’ the beginning
we meet the judges
now i know this much
cos i once accidentally watched american idol n swedish idol
that theres sposed to be 3 judges
the good guy
the woman whose kind to everyone
and the bad guy
the good guy turns out to be marko holdem
an ex teen crooner n distributor of roses
to the girlies in the audience
the woman turns out to be marshier hinds
an american veteran singer
been in australia forever tho
and the villain is
the superbadde guy
the one with the ascerbic wit n crushing put down
koyle handshandylands
oh koyle
watta loverly name
the feminine is koylie
so i guess yer mum was expecting a girlie
but she names ya the masculine equivalent
now our koyle
how to describe this arch villain
a pudgy ginger rodent
turned into a man
(using the term loosely)
with a pointy ginger little hair do
full of “product”
and dressed i guess in expensive modern clothes
koyle is a shock jock talkback king here in sydney
which means hes the watered down local equivalent of some american dude
you see koyles ratlike face on all the buses round syddley
drumming up an audience for his lil radio show
and indeed thru out idol
ads would appear with our koylie dressed up
hilariously as a scotsman
a german
a frenchman (complete with beret..oh how hilarious)
doing the kind of cliched accents
which made the kids laugh back when he was in
port macquarie primary school
or wherever the fuck hes from
oh my koyle
yer a hilarious comedian
gee a beret n everything
now its the boys turn
they all come on n do their thing
which is imitating the back street boys or whatever
you know
that fawning fluttery syrupy shit ya hate
in their insincere little voices
oh oh
one dude from tassie rocks out
koyle doesnt dig him tho
oh great show biz oracle that he is
so good at…
hey koyle what do ya do again
can ya sing?
can ya dance
can ya play an instrument?
are ya funny
are you merely a cynical talentless butt ugly no one
who got very fuckin’ lucky
on a radio show
and ya must look at yerself everymorning
in yer expensive mirror in yer expensive condo
and pinch yerself
cos ya cant believe yer good luck
that youve parlayed yer nothingness into a “career”
where you sit around in the anonymity of yer
radio show n laugh n swear
just like any other dime a dozen yobbo
you could meet in any pub on any night
youre not even a fuckin villain
youre not even a bad ass
youre just…..a little ginger nothin’
and in few years
youll be the kinda thing we’ll all sit back n laugh at
as an example of the excess of the early 2000s
the emergence of the useless cynical talentless no one
as millionaire schlock jockey
that had his rodent like mug on a bus once
so when koylie disses the dude from tassie
mr tassies got this look like he wants to knock
koyles ratty teeth down his throat
n blow me down if i cant feel most of
australia willing him on to do it
i’d have voted for ya then pal!
anyway eventually a strange but hip young druid
sings under the friggin milky whey
a bit too jazzy n with a weird accent
but not a badde version of the olde warhorse
ooh ooh
guess what
koylie handshandylands
dont like my song
and he says it over n over
like hes got a personal axe to grind
and that means
you dont know understand music or art or culture
and i was so happy you hated my song
cos youre anathema to me
you are my total opposite in everyway
and i would be disturbed if you cared for anything
that i had done
so there you go
not a badde version of the olde milky…
yer a complete failure as a villain
have me on yer show koylie
i dare ya!
lets duke this out man to rodent
i’ll fuckin have ya!
yer pathetic!
steve kilbey

164 Responses to “thou shalt not have false idols”

  1. avatar
    rehan | 30 August 2006 at 4:06 am #

    The Idle Race…? They should stamp em out yeah!
    Love Rehan

  2. avatar
    On the Edge of Time | 30 August 2006 at 4:06 am #

    U’m speechless.
    That ought ta do it.

  3. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 August 2006 at 4:08 am #

    just beautiful

  4. avatar
    kellym | 30 August 2006 at 4:14 am #

    you’ve got me rolling on the foor with this one, Steve (the dog is looking at me like he should get out while he can).
    Too too funny,but so spot on about those silly shows, the cookie cutter carbon copies, the Amurican cultural infection… take the rodent on–you and mr tassie.

  5. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 August 2006 at 4:20 am #

    It would be nice if you could kick his ass.
    Better yet, it would be nice to see you on idol – take his job – intergrity through the roof. I think you would be a PERFECT judge.

  6. avatar
    matthew | 30 August 2006 at 4:29 am #

    Nice! Couldnae ‘a’ put it better myself. Laughed heartily.

  7. avatar
    Queen Hatshepsut | 30 August 2006 at 4:31 am #

    I never thought of Australia as a poor man’s America. I’ve always been fascinated with Australia, its history and culture and I long to visit someday. Hell, America isn’t even America. I feel like I live in a never-ending, always-humiliating nightmare with this administration taking the Constitution apart piece by piece.

    Anyway. You are spot on with this blog. I saw the 30 second clip of the young man singing your beautiful song. Crikey, what’s with the hair? I know, how shallow of me.
    Who could hate UTMW? A mediocre dullard worshipped by the mediocre masses, this guy you speak of. You have created the most beautiful music I have ever heard in my life; we are all entitled to our opinions and my opinion is that he is insane. Lock him up.
    Oh and I miss you. Crazy, huh?

  8. avatar
    Krissythegroupie | 30 August 2006 at 4:32 am #

    Gawwd, that was hilarious. It made me laugh and got me all riled up too! Someone should put that performance on Youtube! “man to rodent”–>awesome!

  9. avatar
    homer | 30 August 2006 at 4:34 am #

    handshandylands…love it…very funny blogg today

  10. avatar
    Melquiades | 30 August 2006 at 4:36 am #

    The Phili

  11. avatar
    Brett | 30 August 2006 at 4:36 am #

    Wow, you weren’t kidding when you said had a bottle of bile and a bottle of vitriol ready to go!

    Good on you though, that sad fucker deserves it all and more.

    And thanks for the chat this morning, long may the Church (space)rock!

  12. avatar
    Dilip Doshi | 30 August 2006 at 4:41 am #

    All I could think about while that dude was singin UTMW was ‘That guys Carrot Top with dyed hair’

    Love the blog today. Shit hot

  13. avatar
    Melquiades | 30 August 2006 at 4:45 am #

    The philistines
    they roll over
    in their graves
    do the decibel scream
    lose their ears
    lose their daydrums

    This roach
    This rodent
    He sounds like all that trash that gets famous
    on nothing
    the common denominator
    the safe boundaries
    the “norm”
    Where you, as a human
    are supposed to resign

    FUCK THAT! (wait, de ja vu)

    I could squeeze the piss out of this pig
    with my thoughts alone
    Might it come back thrice
    I do fear, yea.

    But nonetheless
    You my man
    have this barn on the head
    Such viscous, petrochemical feelings
    like the rock to bould his head asunder
    spelllllll.l.l.l… out spel.l.l..
    that dream you had
    the plane it landed on its belly
    there were innocents drugged by your
    burning tread
    wrap around
    look at the mayhem
    the strewn flesh
    is that a leg
    my, oh my too much for me to wake to.

    But that Idle Judge should be throttled by his indigestion
    maybe a nice ham sandwich
    turkey on rye
    a little lye
    some Hemlock
    oh just let this justice be just
    a prayer to the knowing
    of what needs to be, man

    writing to justify ttheir means.
    ciao…………………….into the ether

  14. avatar
    On the Edge of Time | 30 August 2006 at 4:47 am #

    right there in the Ole Lyceum.
    Just another venue on the edge of time.
    Not tomorrow-morrow land,
    but a temple of the times gone past.
    Way back to where the University Grays
    decided their destiny and the many
    forgotten phantoms must roam the halls
    while you are there,
    all alone at night.
    The night friends waiting
    for the other worlds to sync up to our own
    can’t you hear’em, can’t you hear’em callin’?

  15. avatar
    Melquiades | 30 August 2006 at 4:50 am #

    carrot top singing UTMW. that is fucking funny….oh yeah, man………………….kinky afro with the end of my music………should’ve would’ve could’ve………

  16. avatar
    Melquiades | 30 August 2006 at 4:51 am #

    was it something I said?

  17. avatar
    Richard | 30 August 2006 at 4:54 am #

    I hope koyle ‘accidentally’ reads this blog.

  18. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 August 2006 at 4:56 am #

    Man, I just started reading your blog again after a week of not getting around to it. I could be up reading this all night playing catch up, It makes me smile, but I gotta get some rest. Your still the coolest out there.
    Galveston, TX

  19. avatar
    Melquiades | 30 August 2006 at 5:02 am #

    KissytheGroupie, what a cute thing you are. Not to deimnish the creature you are. but cute and delicious.

  20. avatar
    Melquiades | 30 August 2006 at 5:04 am #

    yo remind of the girl who had a name of the Sea. Le Mar…….ooooh la la mademoiselle

  21. avatar
    stealthblue | 30 August 2006 at 5:04 am #

    That about sums it up…this is what it has come to. The masses are sheep, they dig the fakey-fakey. It is unfortunately not just America, or Oz, even Jolly Old…it is EVERYWHERE, ever watched a Korean or a Mexican show?? Wild. You know that just the term “Idol” is now the epitome of genericism and just a bunch of…bollocks!! All you have to do now is simply add a Prefix country to it and..TA-DA! The world is melding. You know that because of: air travel, internet, TV/satellite/radio, etc, the world is a much smaller place and whatever you’re fed, is typically what you’ll eat. If it is easier to have some else think for you and follow, why do it anyother way? Just do what big brother and the networks tell you to do. The real question is, who influenced whom? Where did shows like these really originate? Where the hell did some of these “fashions” come from. “Everyone” is trying to be “American”, and America is trying to be like…who the hell knows anymore. All I know is I saw a HUGE Gap store in Birmingham, UK, a “New York” Bagelry in Amsterdam, and a McDonalds in Poland (which by the way was SCARY to see the way people were actually shoving and FIGHTING to get into the building before anyone else)!! I am sure there are many more obscurities such as these, but the point is…identity or lack of, knows no bounds. I always pictured going to Australia for example and seeing the “real” Australia. Now, apparently it will be Krispy Kremes for brekky, Pizza Hut for A late lunch, and then…Olive Garden for din-din, followed by a nice sit down in our comfy room at the Hyatt or Holiday Inn flipping through the channels…sssssss “BAYWATCH in BONDI”, nah…ssssssssssssssssss, “Crock Hunter tours the states” (this is REEELY, REEELY DAIYNGEROUS…NEVA, NEVA, EVA TROIY THEES AT HOUME!!-WACK-SNAKEBITE TO THE FACE) nah…sssssssss “Elimadate in Sydney” definitely NAH!…ssssssss, hmmmm…”AUSTRALIAN IDOL”…YES!!…crack open a CANADIAN BREWED FOSTER’S and bleed my ears to sleep. 🙂
    Yep, what a wonderful world. It is interesting nonetheless. I feel your pain, Steve. Hey at least that fellow didn’t totally blow goats on the song! Don’t sweat that dipshit “judge”, sounds like a tool anyway. Actually, it is good that he didn’t dig your song (the old war horse-good one), it just proves how special you and the Crunch really are. But I don’t have to tell you that, man!
    Anyway, how can you not love Oz? Have you ever read “The Fatal Shore”?? WOW! Amazing history, and for that Australia will always remain Australia.
    Lots o’ love, brother…

  22. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 August 2006 at 5:05 am #

    Jeebus christ!

    Turn down the gravity, this bloggy blogge is gettin’ much too heavy.

    portly, unfunny douche cougar did’nae
    get the choich?

    ‘fer shame!!!!!!

    nah, it was a goode one as usual.


  23. avatar
    Melquiades | 30 August 2006 at 5:05 am #

    you, not YO ( see above). don’t wan’t to be mistaken for an illterate.

  24. avatar
    lee | 30 August 2006 at 5:06 am #

    I am sucked into watching that silly show. You are just hoping to see… something, dunno what. Something resembling music. I thought the young man did a pretty good job – but the thing was you could tell that he loved the song,it meant something to him.You could hear it.No doubt the pretty boys will get through which is a shame because you know that someone like that young fella would actually pick some decent songs to sing and not shite.When Kyle made his remarks I was wondering if ol’ sk was watching it and getting all hot under the collar. I was thinking Kyle you wouldn’t know a decent song if it bit you on your chubby backside.That’s a lie – just wanted to smash him 😉 .

  25. avatar
    calling down baal and zeus | 30 August 2006 at 5:11 am #

    its good to be king…
    its also good not to be a ginger rat shock jock.

  26. avatar
    Melquiades | 30 August 2006 at 5:12 am #

    we have a choice.

  27. avatar
    Melquiades | 30 August 2006 at 5:13 am #

    can’t even spell the definition of reading deficiency

  28. avatar
    Melquiades | 30 August 2006 at 5:16 am #

    how are the hills of PA treating you
    the folds of landscape
    the nightime journeys
    intfo forrowed fields

    Waiting for a Wyeth landscape
    it’ll soon come.

  29. avatar
    calling down baal and zeus | 30 August 2006 at 5:17 am #

    i was jus checkin out some tour photos , guys are really startin to look like yerselves,..

  30. avatar
    Melquiades | 30 August 2006 at 5:17 am #


  31. avatar
    Melquiades | 30 August 2006 at 5:19 am #

    por shame. I get it….

  32. avatar
    calling down baal and zeus | 30 August 2006 at 5:31 am #

    so i just found my inset sleeve from my earthed cd ,.. you (sk) were super nice and signed the book that came along with it (way back) any how i was standing with marty outside a small theatre in portland when he spied the earthed sleeve i had ,..and he says ,..can i sign that?..

    well , was weird ,..i thought ,..ok..but …and they way he asked was funny ..mischivieous,.. cause it wasnt his record see ,.. so i lets em sign it ,.. and the whole time hes got this grin on his face like
    hes the cat got the cream … so funny ,..

    i always wondered

    each time i get too close to a question i jus push these little dots…….

  33. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 August 2006 at 5:42 am #

    ‘Koyle’s’ girlfriend once sang, “…Ooh, aah, lost my bra, left my knickers in my boyfriend’s car…”
    I reckon he found ’em, kept ’em and wears them every day…

  34. avatar
    UnDead | 30 August 2006 at 5:43 am #

    thanks a million for this blog entry
    i once watched american idol
    yes, i remember talent shows when i was a wee tyke
    but they have taken the genre to a new low
    i never liked hype
    give me substance
    just got dabble
    love it brother
    never stop

  35. avatar
    calling down baal and zeus | 30 August 2006 at 5:47 am #

    each of these comments count and are not to be seen as flagrant attempts to boost up the ship.

  36. avatar
    calling down baal and zeus | 30 August 2006 at 5:49 am #

    each of these comments are flagrant attempts to boost up this ship and are not to be seen as counting.

  37. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 August 2006 at 5:50 am #

    each of these boosts are commentsand the attempts however flagrant are to be seen as counting

  38. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 August 2006 at 5:51 am #

    towards the ship of course ..

  39. avatar
    Tony Pucci | 30 August 2006 at 5:51 am #

    Excellent Blog, Steve!

  40. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 August 2006 at 5:56 am #

    …I’ll tell you what that Kyle chappie is good at…hoovering up monsterous amounts of cocaine with his pointy nose. I’ve seen him at it and he’s so good at it he could that for a living….

    Au revoir,


  41. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 August 2006 at 6:01 am #

    Oh dear, Steven.

    Aren’t you a little old for this?

    If you were my child I’d tell you to calm down and watch something else.

  42. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 August 2006 at 6:02 am #

    kyle vs kilbee… stevo you would eat him fer breakfast!

    What can one say about el toolo Kyle… after all, he has set up his own rekkid label which goes by the name…drumroll… King Kyle Records!!! Jesus.

    A belated thanks for tip off about manuka honey. My ‘upset often’ belly is diggin‘ it, whilst listening to ‘Locust’ off the Block ep for the millionith bloody time, one of yer best for some time methinks.

  43. avatar
    PAGEY | 30 August 2006 at 6:09 am #


    Now that was a rant! Now how much were the royalties on this one? Another few rounds of breakfast in bed for ya!
    Gawd damn, these villain judges are all the same in all 28 Idol countries. I get a pretty good picture of this bloke and could see him on the busboardbanners.

    I remember Oz in 1989/1990 while I lived at Bondi for a few months with my East Indian princess. We both thought that all the fake clas in Oz were trying to emmulate the USA. We were like “Egad”, don’t they all know that the USA is the gun barrel of the shitbox of the world? (sorry yanks, for you just kiddin)

    I need a spliff, its been too many months.

  44. avatar
    flubba dubba | 30 August 2006 at 6:13 am #

    my philosophical bucket is full of water. i am bailing for my lifes worth.

    but, while we are all in rnr mode, that is ranting and raving.

    UTMW is such a great and timeless song.

    oh yeah and one more before I die-SPACE ROCKERS OF THE WORLD UNITE.

  45. avatar
    Azza | 30 August 2006 at 6:14 am #

    I can’t stand even watching the adds for Australian idol..As for koyle, not being from Sydney I had never heard of him..Turns out I wasnt missing much. Funny blog today. Love it.
    My question though..
    Where were all the contestants in this version of Australian Idol when all the other versions were being done?

  46. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 August 2006 at 6:22 am #

    the problem is that they (the souless ginger wankers etc.) have won. lets hope mr kylies cocaine habit stops his heart sometime soon.

    with malice – pip

  47. avatar
    Idol led out a royalty | 30 August 2006 at 6:30 am #

    I have used this opportunity of UTMW on Idol to input some positive info and band links to the idol forums. Hope you gain a couple new fans out of these kiddies and old folks who read forums on New Kids on the Block type shit. Hell they would probably be the new fans who come and talk through “Day 5” when they aren’t to talk till day 8, or is that day 7,000 after they form an opinion and language to comment on Gods beautiful creation. Hehehe. Hope you don’t mind me re-blogging your entry in a forum,. That beret dawning jockeeeee would probably accept that someone is far more enlightened than him if he just gave a few songs a listen. I bet he is the type that blocks out greatness and paints their world in the red and yellow of envy. Poor dweep-O-jack-eee


  48. avatar
    Daniel 26, 23 | 30 August 2006 at 6:37 am #

    644 words about an “anathema”…
    Is there something wrong with me?

  49. avatar
    Pussygirl | 30 August 2006 at 6:38 am #

    He doesnt like your song, so what? He’s entitled to his oppinion.

    Why watch it if your so against it?

  50. avatar
    Sweed | 30 August 2006 at 6:51 am #

    Thanks Steve! Couldn’t have said it better myself 😉

  51. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 August 2006 at 7:08 am #

    Haha thanks for the late night laughs Steve, nice descriptions- I couldn’t sleep over here in California. A bit of surliness from time to time is good for the soul.

  52. avatar
    DC | 30 August 2006 at 7:11 am #

    Excellent – both barrels.

  53. avatar
    syrinx | 30 August 2006 at 7:35 am #

    Hates “Under The Milky Way.” Hmmm.

    My original guitar teacher, an operatic and somewhat certifiable lady (very talented), first time she asks me “So, what do you want to learn ‘out of the book’?” Meaning, let’s skip a few lessons and play around for sheer fun, I about leapt onto her piano. UNDER THE MILKY WAY!!! No hesitation there. I say, can I bring you the cd and have you tell me the notes? She said no. I says to her, okay – I’ll find it on OLGA and bring it to you. She say NO!

    YOU *WILL* GO TO THE MUSIC STORE, YOU *WILL* ORDER THE SHEET MUSIC AND YOU *WILL* LET THESE MUSICIANS GET PAID FOR ALL THE HARD WORK THEY DID. (Even if it’s only like…what do you guys get, sixteen cents?) Doesn’t matter. She was right on total principle, the dressing down was at high-volume.

    I’m really nervous about this, since I picked up a guitar really late in the game and feel out of place in legitimate houses of sound and parapharnalia, but I go to (forget the store name) and order it and it eventually arrives. It was a moment. I found it again not too long ago. The cover is violet. I had forgotten that.

    And that was the first song of my own choosing that I learned to play on the guitar very very many years ago. So…screw that guy. With a cork. When all the brain cells involved in memory of music finally leave me, I’ll still probably be able to pick out the notes and chords to “Under The Milky Way” with my poor, gnarled, arthritic fingers, half-blind and completely demented.

    I have no idea who this gentleman is, but definitely – screw him.

    Miss ya AnnMarie, wherever you are.

    (Sorry so long, it was a tale to be told.)

  54. avatar
    Padders | 30 August 2006 at 7:47 am #

    Well the UK is riddled with shite shows like Oz Idol. Brainwashing the nation into thinking the shit they’re watching is actually music. Pushing the real up-and-coming musicians of the land further into the background.

    Fuckwit parents pushing they’re talentless children until they’re dreams are cut down on national TV. Does it ever occur to them that they’re kids talents may lie elsewhere? They need to get some fucking commonsense. And they ‘aint getting that while they’re beeing drip fed this psuedo-reality shit 7 nights a week!!

  55. avatar
    lee | 30 August 2006 at 8:04 am #

    pussygirl – if you don’t like this blog, why do ya’ read it?

  56. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 August 2006 at 8:14 am #

    “sweet sweet life baby
    love yer life
    love other people
    love yer enemies…yeah theres a trip
    forgive people
    theyre just human
    be kind to animals”

    The Time Being

  57. avatar
    the carrier of fruit | 30 August 2006 at 8:22 am #

    music=heart /soul
    Australian idol = marketCHING.

    Likewise I was kinda glad that Koyle hated the song.

  58. avatar
    JactIn | 30 August 2006 at 8:37 am #

    Bulli boy .

  59. avatar
    kat | 30 August 2006 at 8:39 am #

    you’re funny. screw koyle 🙂
    and tv 🙂

  60. avatar
    kat | 30 August 2006 at 8:39 am #

    you’re funny. screw koyle 🙂
    and tv 🙂

  61. avatar
    Steve | 30 August 2006 at 8:50 am #

    Ah, I see Steve has come to that realization many of us have that these shows are nothing more than a sham behind a sham behind a a big pile a talentless turds. Its disspointing to find out the scourge of telelvision has not spared the lovely antipodian audiences of this drivel. We are well scarred here in the US but it hardly matters anymore, there is so much dreck on TV I haven’t watched it in near on a decade-really. And the hack doesn’t like UTMW? the sign of a feeble(tasteless) mind says I….

  62. avatar
    rubikon | 30 August 2006 at 9:04 am #

    Hi Steve,

    We get those guys in every country the world now – he’s called Simon Cowell in the UK – and in the US on American Idol I believe – the disillusionist is back again – did he ever go away?

    What the poor saps/contestants on these “talent” shows don’t appear to realise is that they are all disposable/interchangeable – these shows are all about making money -for the TV companies and judges – Cowell has become a very rich man through all of this – I’m sure he’s a legend in his own bathtub.

    It just “showbiz” after all – it’s not Art.

    The contestants should have said what they were looking for – you might have told them what they’d find.


  63. avatar
    calling down baal and zeus | 30 August 2006 at 9:14 am #

    i cant quite get rid of the feeling that
    this planet is trying to shake us off like so many pesky fleas..

  64. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 August 2006 at 9:24 am #

    Take a chill pill ! life’s too short, and there are much more important, life threatening things to worry about…

  65. avatar
    sue cee | 30 August 2006 at 9:46 am #

    Yeah, the guy with the untamed hair – a breath of fresh air on a show he didnt belong to.

    The song has had so much coverage lately, is it hard to live with Steve or does it want it’s own bathroom now?!

    btw i fear we may have started reality tv in Oz when Sylvania Waters first screened, does anyone remember that?

    Im reading Winterlong now that life’s calmed down for the moment, its intriguing and to be honest I will probably have to read it a third time but to absorb it all, its quite ‘out there’ but so beautifully visual and disturbing so far!


  66. avatar
    MarkM | 30 August 2006 at 11:18 am #

    Now that was funny!
    Funnier still is the ultimate revenge – the UTMW kid took out the round and has made it to the final 12 or whatever. Kolyle was looking unimpressed and with Steve’s blogge ringing in my ears I laughed heartily. Revenge on the ginger rodent….

  67. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 August 2006 at 11:20 am #


  68. avatar
    MandN | 30 August 2006 at 11:33 am #

    no no no

    ignore the idols
    they are replaced every year by their own vanity
    and uselessness and lack of record sales.
    The judges are even worse.

    Although this juggernaut is not entirely an American export.
    Thank you Mr Cowell from the UK…

    But my dear Orpheus, we need to talk about this:
    “like they grew up in a ghetto in philly”

    I think the many fine artists from Philadelphia could dissuade you from that comment:
    Hall & Oates
    Mario Lanza
    Marian Anderson
    Patti Labelle
    Will Smith
    and don’t forget Gamble & Huff, the Philadelphia Sound
    that brought Bowie here for Young Americans in ’76
    Teddy Pendergrass (bless him)
    and it all started with a little thing called :
    Ameican Bandstand

    so yes, ignore the idol, but leave Philly out of it.

    MMary, in Philly

  69. avatar
    12str | 30 August 2006 at 11:43 am #

    laughed my head of SK!
    noone can sting like you…
    glad im not on the recieving side..
    the idol shows are fucking cynical… if you cant wail like mariah “theworstnauciatingfuckingbitchinthemusicindustry” carey..dont bother…i hate the fucking modern r`n`b the hiphoppers the slippery soulsingers…the gangstas(oh dear raised in da getto, dangerous,bulletwounds and ass,pussy and pistols)…wheres the depht in that…?Eminem!!! ?? thats a joke….an albino?? whyte niggah with an attitude..just another stereotype…the dude wants to be a black gangsta…
    oh hell as long as it sells…
    money talks….the idol shows in sweden is a tragedy..
    heres a bunch of talented young people with dreams…the first thing they take away is their personality…the two winners so far released two identical albums..the same songwriters and producers…they have their 15 minutes in the light then theyre
    gone…what a waste of talent..poor kids!!

    keep on stinging maan!!


  70. avatar
    veleska1970 | 30 August 2006 at 12:01 pm #

    ROTFLMAO!!! hysterical. thanks~~after yesterday’s doldrums i really needed that.

    btw~~do you still have a television? you didn’t throw the remote control through it, did you?

    lotza love……

  71. avatar
    sue cee | 30 August 2006 at 12:04 pm #

    ps i think this is the first time I’ve ever seen you mention David McComb. What a loss when he passed away!

  72. avatar
    fergal | 30 August 2006 at 12:08 pm #

    i wish i had seen that kid do UTMW … i was watchin the painting show on abc instead … just saw the (inevitable & much-replayed) highlights later & cursed not having seen it … ah well … of course it wouldn’t beaten the ‘ballet dancers & motorbikes’ version by yourselves in melborn earlier thois year!

  73. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 August 2006 at 12:09 pm #

    Yeah Kyle is a waste of space. The popularity of guys like him on radio is a complete mystery to me. If you want to hear an example of what an idiot this guy is listen to this interview with Jay from the oz band Frenzal Rhomb.

  74. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 August 2006 at 12:17 pm #

    I agree with Lee. Pussygirl, you clearly don’t get the point…

  75. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 August 2006 at 12:19 pm #

    I know what he means about the Frenzal Rhomb interview. That Kyle is a tough talikng soft-cock; one smack in the mouth would send him blubbering…

  76. avatar
    restaurant mark | 30 August 2006 at 12:23 pm #

    too funny…instead of simon cowell, koyle seems more ryan seacrest…that’s not good (neither really). steve, you take koyle out and i’ll take out seacrest. one by one, we can make the world a better place! take care.

  77. avatar
    Tokin'Jester | 30 August 2006 at 12:45 pm #

    A verbal Pay-per-view SMACKDOWN!!!I’d Pay fer it!!!

  78. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 August 2006 at 1:18 pm #

    I’ve been in a rut lately SK, but reading your blog today, got me on the floor laughing my arse off. Thanks for cheering me up.


  79. avatar
    biggle boggle | 30 August 2006 at 1:19 pm #

    Jeez, you want annoying second-rate American copycat culture, try living in CANADA! And yes, we have Canadian Idol. Someone wins every season, but because we’re Canadian, they get to make one album that drops off the face of the earth after a few gigs at the Sudbury Strawberry Festival etc.

    You Aussies are lucky you’re so far away. We have to have a grant system to support artists to even have the remnants of our own culture, there’s so much U.S. stuff flooding over the border and on the airwaves. Not that it’s all bad, of course, but there’s just a lot of it…

    Anyway, those Idol shows are quite evil. Not as evil as “Rock Star: Supernova”, of course.

  80. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 August 2006 at 1:21 pm #

    I just watched the UTMW “performance” online. I almost puked. That fucker butchered the song. Check it out here:


  81. avatar
    Tokin' Jester, again | 30 August 2006 at 1:40 pm #

    I’d like ta comment about somethin’ I read on yer blogge a few days ago–When I’m feelin’ a bit bummedout ’bout the rapid advancement of age & time, I’ll add a few years ta my true age. I was talkin’ ta client one day, & the birthday thing came up.She asked me my age. & before I even thought about it; I blurted out 50 (at the time I was 40)She went on&on&on askin’ me about my anti-agin’ secrets(I realllly had her goin’,(I couldn’t resist, she actually believed me!!)So I kept goin’) I told her kittykisses for exfoliation & dogkisses for moisturization.(a chemical reaction with the enzymes in dogsnark)So– add a few years & let dogs & kittys kiss ya– It’s worked well fer ME for at least a decade now. Give it a try—Hilarity ensues—

  82. avatar
    Renee | 30 August 2006 at 1:42 pm #

    yeah, i just watched that,
    it was horrible!!!
    that guy doesn’t come close
    and he definitely doesn’t have your stage presence or your looks (even at almost 52!)
    there’s nothing like the original

  83. avatar
    John Garratt | 30 August 2006 at 1:56 pm #

    Over 80 comments already.

    This rant will surely boost your blog ranking.


  84. avatar
    captainmission | 30 August 2006 at 2:02 pm #

    i don’t know man, watching anything like idol, big brother, or whatever, it’s gotta be bad for the soul. i have never seen an episode but i watched about five seconds once and could feel my spirit being sucked out like a vampyre kiss. resistance is futile to most people, they gotta get their fix so they can chat about it the next day, it’s addiction to being dumbed down, force fed medication, stunt your evolution with some brain drain pollution. best watch things like david attenbourough wading through the jungles and trees describing the beautiful and terrible elements of nature or something stimulating and inspiring.
    i don’t know who the hosts are that your talking about in your blog today but they sound awful, certainly insignificant enough to really not even think to deeply about, just more of the clones from the cult of tv personality.
    i guess in the 20 years i have lived in australia it’s been wrestling with its identity, for a moment there it all looked very promising and then we seemed to slip down the same road that everyone seems to go down, all those innovative and refreshing ideals and ideas all kinda went pear shaped as people went off buying shares and houses and renovating, and buying 4 wheel drives. can’t blame the govt. its just human nature i guess, prone to self destruction when it could be painting and creating. one thing i can’t undersatand in australia is its attitude to its indigionous culture, here’s something rich and refreshing, vibrent and beautiful with a profound and deeply spiritual connection to the planet and all we can do is remain alienated from it instead of embracing it. sadness.

  85. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 August 2006 at 2:29 pm #

    just packing up at stealthblue’s comments when they got deleted…

  86. avatar
    daniel 26, 24 | 30 August 2006 at 2:33 pm #

    been reading about honour killing all day. Might that solve the problem?

  87. avatar
    JJ | 30 August 2006 at 2:34 pm #

    Funny blogge! I don’t know who this guy is, but I’ve met him (his kind), seen him, loathed him; he’s all around us. I’ve never watched this Idol crap in the U.S., and sad to hear it’s sorry DNA has replicated itself in Oz. Good god….TV…it’s reached a real nadir everywhere it seems. It’s LCD culture (lowest common denominator).

    Ignore this TV arsehole.


  88. avatar
    Trickster | 30 August 2006 at 2:36 pm #


    You seem to think
    Amerika = Hollywood

    Hollywood =
    NOT Amerika

    Hollywood =
    this THING of
    Our world
    this global subculture
    this global entity
    that is housed in Amerika-
    a country
    made up of people
    from all over
    Our World-
    reaching its
    tentacles to every country
    every city
    every street corner
    every niche
    Our World.

    Hollywood =
    Our World’s MONSTER
    that plucks the most obvious flowers
    the roses
    and places them into
    one brilliant-but-dying
    leaving behind the discrete
    rooted flowers
    in their

    Hollywood =

  89. avatar
    Letango | 30 August 2006 at 2:36 pm #

    “the emergence of the useless cynical talentless no one”

    Oh isn’t it pandemic? Icky, Icky, Yucky, Yick! Since when were people given celebrity status for being/doing absolutely nothing but bar hopping and sleeping around and talking shit? I could pull a dozen vacuous girrls and fellas outta their college bar hubbles right now to add to that mix– why are they not on the cover of People or Us or on The Insider.
    Modern celebrity is Gross.
    Don’t ever go there, SK! Be our beacon of hope! Stay strong, stay true, stay beautiful. We love you for it.

  90. avatar
    Padders | 30 August 2006 at 2:46 pm #

    Oh my. Have just watched it via Marc’s link above.

    Really bizzare. I can’t understand why they slagged the song off though. Surely the curly haired chap had been told what to sing by whatever dickhead produces the show. I know a girl in wardrobe on the UK version and thats what she says the form is. He’d probably never heard it before that morning.

    I loved the AOR arrangement, NOT! Perhaps the Oz idol backing band could go back and re-record Priest=Aura or maybe Seance as they’re so clearly wasted on that show.

    Or maybe we could just cut their hands off before they bastardize any more songs !

  91. avatar
    Andromeda7 | 30 August 2006 at 2:50 pm #

    the judges: koil is a pompous imbecile. marcia is a sweeheart. mark… oh god… hold me steady, someone…

    the worst thing about the idyl is it’s another copycat formula, a starbucks of a show, just like big borer, my restaurant drools and the other stocking-fillers. its ratings/charts successes outline how much audiences are aching to discover some new aussie singers who can somehow penetrate beyond the music world controlled within the spasming orifice of the one and a half record companies left after they’ve all eaten eachother and fired anyone with a&r verve (such as yours rockingly).

    bring back countdown. it was much more fun rubbishing our outlandish talent and molly’s intros – do yourselves a favour, see a bunch of fresh young rockers in tight pants play live as all get out every sunday at 6pm without fail! bands breaking hits all over the place, even those the multinational conglomerates DIDN’T favour (thanks molly, you rock)! idyl proves we’re still hot for new faces and we don’t care if they haven’t spent 200K on their film clip. but WHERE’S THE ROCK WE WERE PROMISED ANDREW LEAPING-IN-THE-AIR-WITH-AN AXE-ON-BUSTOP-ADS GEE???? WHY THE BLAND REITERATIONS OF CROWN CASINO HACKS??? GIVE US THE ROCK BANDS – NOW!!! bring back countdown!!! and may all radio jocks who prosper from being snide, small-minded nincompoops crawl back under the harbour view rocks they crawled out from, dragging their enormous incomes after them.


  92. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 August 2006 at 2:51 pm #

    yay! back to blog-topping mastery, you ratings whizz kilbey san!

  93. avatar
    Jen Jewel Brown | 30 August 2006 at 2:56 pm #

    Well, UTMW got him through his round…

    ‘The Australian Idol Forums provided the first hint of the second announcement last night and the message boards were full of debates about Brisbane’s Bobby Flynn. His unique twist on The Church’s Under The Milky Way was compelling and there was no doubt about the panel’s attitude toward the highly individual artist. “I’m so happy for him,” said Marcia, “He’s such an unusual man, and that’s what this whole thing is about”. ‘

  94. avatar
    Jen Jewel Brown | 30 August 2006 at 3:01 pm #

    that’s from the idyl website just now, eh

  95. avatar
    Larry | 30 August 2006 at 3:05 pm #

    You watched a hobbit doing a poor Scott Walker impression on one of your songs, then watched a weasel attack the song itself. You must be made of pretty strong stuff.

  96. avatar
    Joe Burns | 30 August 2006 at 3:06 pm #

    Right on Steve! Let ’em have it

  97. avatar
    ambnt1 | 30 August 2006 at 3:37 pm #

    Hollywood is a’callin’, SK. You should do a side-gig as judge on American Idol. Your crushing missiles of disdain would send those mealy-mouthed contestants crying to their mommies! You should duke it out with Simon (mean guy on Amer.Idol), you would definitely win.

  98. avatar
    Finn | 30 August 2006 at 3:38 pm #

    Ha ha. That wassa goode one Steven. You wanna hear somebody butcher yer song:

    hint: it’s me and my fiends.

  99. avatar
    mrs. baal n zeus | 30 August 2006 at 3:53 pm #

    It’s Kyle Sandilands!!!!!

  100. avatar
    mrs. baal n zeus | 30 August 2006 at 3:57 pm #

    only me
    this blogg
    made me laugh

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