posted on November 22, 2006 at 7:38 pm

i was gonna ask ya…
now that y’all paying me to write this
um, well you see
i need conditions
6 weeks leave full pay
6 weeks sick leave full pay
6 weeks paternity leave full pay (backdatable 7 years)
(fiendss you already owe me 3×6, 18 weeks full pay!)
then miscellaneous leave 3 weeks full pay
feeling a little tiddly leave
kinda sad n blue leave
shore leave
not so sure leave
please leave
by all means leave
and when youve gotten yer heads round that
i need clothing allowance
(hey this bricklayer gear aint cheap!)
i need entertainment allowance
i mean
we do a lot of entertaining here
why, the other day
i was entertaining the idea of being
an entertaining entertainer!
cos every body needs to be entertained right?
its what bobby d called
letting someone else get their kicks for you
i mean out here
its in our constitution
we the ozzies
demand the right to be entertained
and the wurst things get
the more entertainment we want
so fiendss
ya see it aint all beer n skittles
entertainment is a serious thing…
you gotta fork out big time for it
and then theres travel allowance
now my falcon guzzla wagon
drinks petrol for brekky just standing still
everytime i switch on that car
50 acres of brazil disappears
and the oh-zone layer gasps over antarctica
(wouldnt you?)
so moving around to get my t.b. paraphenalia
is gonna cost ya!
i need “p.d.s” too
that stands for something latin
and it means a little bit of extra cash
on top of yer meagre wage
so i dunno
a few hundred bucks n hour p.d.s
for my time n trubble being
my laptop needs a loada upgrades
n a new coat of plastic
my screen is bedimmed
by the blood sweat n tears
i produce each day
trying desperately to breadwin
(king breadwin the 13th of brokeland)
of course i got my consultancy fees
my mer-fees
my school-fees
my parking fees
my n/a fees
my geogra-fees
my etc etc etc fees
are you getting the picture fiendss?
you got a genius on yer leash now
youre paying me…
you can have me do anything
re-write the bible in sk-speak?
no problem, i’ll get it done tomorra
the entire second by second account
of the chorchs 1st ever gig in pentameter n rhyme?
ok, ive already got it ready
heartbreaking sadness n chuckle provoking froth?
you want that with fries, sir?
its a big commitment being a genius patron
i’ll come running to ya
with esoteric concepts that have got me all in a blather
but which seem neither hare nor there to you
i’ll insist on doing strange things at strange times
and you’ll just have to look around embarrassed n say
heh heh im just his patron…
if we offend the vatican or the eye-a-tolla
you could get yer whatnots excommunicated
or a fat-wah
which could do some of you anorexics a bitta good
ha
you thought it was easy sponsoring a genius didnt ya?
you could whip me out at dinner parties n say
“really darling, to me rogers a fuckin’ anathema”
and then feel smug
knowing you helped pay me to write those words
if youre running round saying
baybee or vermillion or quotin’ whole chunks
and someone calls ya on it
simply produce yer paypal receipt
n say
i pay that mothers ass!
or something like that
or
why gentlemen ,
the t.b. works for ME!!
jesus
you heard of soap on a rope
im blogga on a leash
you have power of life n death
already i have received this letter
dear t. being
we, the undersigned
represent a conglomerate of subcribers
we wish to inform you
that if we dont have more
(fill in blank)
then we will cast you adrift
in the sea of poverty
and read the spanked bottom girl instead
just one of her bum cheeks pulls more punters
than you
so get to it
or yeblik ‘ll never see 53
and the t.b. ll never see one and a half
tell peter fuckin podcaste if he wants in on this scam
hes gotta get cracking
a bit of elbow grease, podcaste
you look rusty to me…
malcom turnbull donated a million bucks last nite
you think you bought me with that malcom, sir?
(what time is your yacht picking me up?)
so for those sponsors con-serned that
that bastard yeblik was gonna spend all their
hard-eked shekels on drugs
you see
malcom(sir) has now provided a budget
freeing up funds for other projects
like getting some bread n water for the flowers
and feeding the meteor
in fact
i got mah olde buddy wil-o
giving me fynancy advice
direct from mild brisbane
and he says
spend the bloody lot!
pam n perry have just opened a accountants business
for each bag o dope you buy
you get some superannuation advice free
or each taxs return scores you a free roach
out of their legendary bag of butts!
so im looking good
im thinking of investing some of this in
real fine estate
remember
its location location location
ha ha
or maybe
if nevets
or sk
or the being himself
is feeling lucky
we’ll just go down the casino
put the fuckin lot on black 13
if i win, i’ll abscond to south america
if i lose, i’ll come crying poor to ya
and youll probably “refinance” me
wouldnt ya?
i mean
we’re practically financees
engaged but not free!
any way
i do thank you for all your loot
look
i gotta go now
my attorneys out there waiting in the limo
my afghans need to be at the grooming salon
ellies pranged her lexus
minnas bringing peat docherty round for tea
so i need to get some things in
eve n auroras fees for june dally-watkins finishing skool
are due
(and its nearly finished em!)
and baby bumpers minks need cleaning
as for my self
now im rich ive taught my self to eat
lobster thermidore
i hate it like crazy
but it IS the most expensive thing on the menu
and i dont know about bombe alaska
mightnt that hurt the penguins or something?
i know what yer thinking
gee the time beings losing touch with his constituency
but thats the problem with being loaded like i am now
since this morning
im just waiting for my bank to open
im gonna light a cigar with hundred dollar note
and pelt the bag ladies with 2 dollar coins
im gonna get some cool threads n strut my stuff
me n me yappy dogs pooing all over the boardwalk
excuse me mister
i aint gonna clean that up…its art!
me in mah jewellry n rings
tommy hillfigure t-shirt
calvin klooney jockstrap
my stoned -wash genes
my white rhino leather boots
my albino tiger skin hat
my plutonium wristwatch
see the time glow being
each second a burst of fresh minty radiation
my fuck ecology, lets use it up! badge
my 10, 000 gb I!-pod
churning out a shuffle of elton n rod!
ho ho ho
im financially indy-pendant!
by enslavement have i found freedom
you, my new masters have released me
like a jeannie out of a bottle
here i stand at yer bidding
at your beck n caul
what was it you wanted again?
what?
look
hold that thought
im sorry
we’re outta time!

54 Responses to “time, being to go…”

  1. avatar
    Samosanx | 22 November 2006 at 9:07 pm #

    can i get fries with that?

  2. avatar
    CeciliaGin | 22 November 2006 at 9:07 pm #

    Get to work Kilbey!!
    I’ll be on holiday the rest of the week.

    ***sound of whip cracking!!***
    Cecilia

  3. avatar
    Anonymous | 22 November 2006 at 9:14 pm #

    Hoodwinkedsaid : what was it you wanted
    tell me again so i know
    are you the same person
    that was here a momento ago?
    peace beyond understanding…thanks for the prayers and hope. Dee.

  4. avatar
    CeciliaGin | 22 November 2006 at 9:15 pm #

    We just want you to continue being our poptart.

  5. avatar
    pope on a rope | 22 November 2006 at 9:31 pm #

    give them bread and circuses

  6. avatar
    Anonymous | 22 November 2006 at 9:40 pm #

    i BEEN ON VACATION IN YE OLDE BUSINESS WHIRL-D(READE HELL).

    SORRY OLDE BEAN,

    CHECK IS IN THE MALE.

    LURV, GLYNNIS

  7. avatar
    the dean | 22 November 2006 at 9:51 pm #

    OK, now that you’re on the payroll, you first commission is to repaint the Sistin chapel, brighten it up a bit, something a bit jazzier,
    more non-denominational, you get the idea.
    Oh by next tuesday, chop chop Kilbey time being is money.

  8. avatar
    Anonymous | 22 November 2006 at 9:51 pm #

    SK,

    Nice post

    DR

  9. avatar
    verdelay | 22 November 2006 at 10:03 pm #

    Now you’ve found your freedom
    I’m just glad
    I finally get my bread and water

    hf

  10. avatar
    Anonymous | 22 November 2006 at 10:08 pm #

    can i have my money back – pip

  11. avatar
    the woods | 22 November 2006 at 10:20 pm #

    Last night on my way to bed, as I walked past the windows I looked up to the sky and took in the stars…What an inspiring sight….

    I had almost forgotten they existed….

    It was a real cost free high…….

    Thanks for all you timebeing Steve.

    Pierre

  12. avatar
    Anonymous | 22 November 2006 at 10:22 pm #

    Ohhhh baybee,
    The time being definitely works for me.

    d

  13. avatar
    stealthblue | 22 November 2006 at 10:23 pm #

    You can roll your doobs with the measley ones and fives, ehhh, you can even go all the way up to the 100s if want I suppose! Why not, while you are at it, how about a set of “grillz” for your teef??
    Fooken ‘ell, that was a foonay blog!

  14. avatar
    12str | 22 November 2006 at 10:30 pm #

    phew!.hahahaha….

  15. avatar
    Anonymous | 22 November 2006 at 10:32 pm #

    HOODWINKED sighed~
    Oh genie Kilbee I wish for you to please please make a Dark Mountain album of chill-binding acoustics and warm pulsing bass laced with swelling slide guitar and cool muted drums…and please have Dan Lanois produce it( dont dare fucking tell me you dont like Lanois!)

  16. avatar
    Anonymous | 22 November 2006 at 10:36 pm #

    Sounds great …. ok …Blow me then Bitch.

    Dutch Pierre

  17. avatar
    Richard | 22 November 2006 at 10:38 pm #

    leave is fine – just forget about overtime being and timebeing and a half

  18. avatar
    Anonymous | 22 November 2006 at 10:39 pm #

    Umm..have I missed something, am I supposed to pay??..if so to whom and how…umm …and when….PV
    pedroveldez@hotmail.com

  19. avatar
    Anonymous | 22 November 2006 at 10:42 pm #

    I think we created a monster….

    ed in fl

  20. avatar
    Anonymous | 22 November 2006 at 10:45 pm #

    don’t spend the $12.58 (australian) all in one place…

    ed in fl (emailes2002)

  21. avatar
    The Carrier of Fruit | 22 November 2006 at 10:46 pm #

    I suppose we will here about you and the chauffer-driven falcon guzzler now that your good time beings are here.

    Hey buy yerslef something nice.

  22. avatar
    Fandorin | 22 November 2006 at 10:55 pm #

    1) clean the cologne cathedral with a toothbrush next time you’re around in germany.

    coin -> slot

    2) tell how did you write the birthday of the oliphaunt god

    coin -> slot

    3) tell how to keep the discipline to write something every day. if you tell me, i’ll quote you in my doc thesis!

    coin -> slot

    …or just buy some nice presents…

  23. avatar
    limebeaver | 22 November 2006 at 11:13 pm #

    more a transaction than a bribe…

  24. avatar
    Anonymous | 22 November 2006 at 11:17 pm #

    SK/NY/TB,
    I’m just relieved this blog is still here today.
    What would I have done without my daily fix?
    You got us hooked, then threaten to take it away…talk about power.

    Andy

  25. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 November 2006 at 12:16 am #

    he’s on fire

  26. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 November 2006 at 12:20 am #

    In your next blog give us a PO box that we can send cheques to. Some of us want to contribute but aren’t silly enough to mess with credit cards.

  27. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 November 2006 at 12:25 am #

    Now that the donations are rolling in please don’t become a slave to this thing if you have’nt already…you’ve already earnt donations in perpectuity from all of us

  28. avatar
    Tony Pucci | 23 November 2006 at 12:30 am #

    sk
    if i won the lottery
    i might end up in sa too

    po box? easy, baby!

    c/o karmic hit
    po box 7779
    bondi beach nsw

    not sure what the zip code is

  29. avatar
    CSTCoach | 23 November 2006 at 12:40 am #

    glad to see that the blog will continue. 🙂

    ch-ch-ching-ing in with my bits now…

    ryan

  30. avatar
    don joe | 23 November 2006 at 1:06 am #

    Thanks for the continuum.

    Sounds a tad satirical the blog today.

    Will see what being time does to one’s psyche.

    ML,
    don joe

  31. avatar
    lorrain | 23 November 2006 at 1:38 am #

    Hi Steve,
    My queen instantly loved your music.
    Such a reward.
    All my thanks for your trust.

    Robbie Weevil

  32. avatar
    Cameras 4 Eyes | 23 November 2006 at 2:32 am #

    9.85 AUD winging its way to ya.
    Thanksgiving is here in US of A.
    Isabellaland.
    Isabella never should have let him go.
    I’m thankful this year the the blogge continueth

  33. avatar
    syrinx | 23 November 2006 at 3:08 am #

    I’ve never been in charge-charge of anyone in my “unusual” working history, so give me a second here to put on a management voice:

    (clears throat)

    “KILBEY!! KILBEY, LISTEN UP, MY MAN. IF YOU DON’T CONTINUE TO DO EXACTLY, AND I MEAN *EXACTLY* AS YOU PLEASE, YOUR ASS WILL BE SACKED! DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER? ARE WE COMPLETELY CLEAR ON THIS? GOOD. I HOPE SO. NOW CARRY ON. GET BACK TO DOING…WHATEVER THE HELL IT WAS THAT YOU WERE DOING.”

  34. avatar
    CSTCoach | 23 November 2006 at 3:12 am #

    Oh, Esskay. Do you remember after the gig in sellersville i was leaving on this crazy grizzly infested northern expedition? i never did file an update for the ole time bee-ing. Just published an article here (but from a training and prep point of view) if yer interested http://www.profcs.com/app/aftrack.asp?afid=254891&u=www.rmaxinternational.com/46/murdock2.html

    the actual full on story will be published in that travel mag in march. will send ya a copy as promised. but now that yer a workin man, you may not have time to read it…

    ryan

  35. avatar
    veleska1970 | 23 November 2006 at 3:59 am #

    well, i’m glad my $2 went for SOMETHING!!!! so, you did all that with it?? hey~~you can teach me how to stretch two bux like that. wait a minute while i dump out my purse and get all that loose change…..

  36. avatar
    JJ | 23 November 2006 at 4:44 am #

    Paid mah toll, submission of my comission for admission to the T.B. Traveling Circus and Olde Fashioned White Bearded Hippy Moses Medicine Show. Yes, this is the one.

    Now, what’s behind this tent, who is that carnival barker in bricklayer clothes and tophat, and what is he waving at from the wheel of that Falcon? Dark’s Pandemonium Circus, or something else?

    Time Being For the Benefit of Mr. Kite……ah.

    JJ

  37. avatar
    captainmission | 23 November 2006 at 8:22 am #

    ‘fuck ecology, lets use it up!’
    ha thats the most subversive statement i ever heard, it belongs in an art gallery or at least on a t- shirt.
    who’s got the balls to wear that?
    iggy maybe.

  38. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 November 2006 at 8:32 am #

    I knew all that money would go straight to your head!

    And dont think now that you’re rolling in it that u can delegate ‘cos we can sniff out any fake TBs a mile off.

    🙂

    captain mish! yeah, I cracked up at that one too. Its funnier than the sk comment along the lines of ‘i was going to march in the global warming protest, but it was too cold outside’ LOL

  39. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 November 2006 at 11:48 am #

    Maybe you should get a company car?

    Something European?

    With one of those personalised number plates?

    …and we still need to talk about your performance and wage review…it’ll be bi-annual and you’ll need to ensure that you meet all the KPI’s etc to recieve your bonus.

    I’m working on your job description at the moment…any other stakeholders wish to contirbute?

    Lemme know.

    Vive le work.

    B.Bon

    P.S. Any word on B + Z’s Lindsey?

  40. avatar
    dig | 23 November 2006 at 12:00 pm #

    Alright I’ve been ripping yer off with regard to yer quick wit comments and its helped me out with the girls, so I guess I owe yer a heap in back pay too! I’m just trying to get a dig it (deposit) mastercard cos my VISA is maxed out and the banks hate me, but once I do I will give yer back pay plus my interest, in more of yer blogg, not that it needs more interest as its already interesting!
    Anyways just got a job and well some ppl pay for a who weekly(ppl mag US) and I reckon yer worth, well yer yer priceless , so worth more than $4.60 a week.

  41. avatar
    mime | 23 November 2006 at 12:03 pm #

    ‘so for those sponsors con-serned that
    that bastard yeblik was gonna spend all their
    hard-eked shekels on drugs’

    I just read that drugs are quite a lot cheaper now than they used to be. Maybe I should donate half the amount I was considering…

  42. avatar
    Daberhasher | 23 November 2006 at 12:43 pm #

    omg, our secure transaction was so smooth…
    was it good for you too???
    happy to be funding the daily scribe
    for all our various wee kingdoms…
    ye fife and humdrum core,
    we’re hell and ready
    for whatever may be in store…
    but not an instore, senor…
    we’ve learned, amongst a myriad of flinty mental stones,
    that the meet and greet is…
    ANATHEMA!!!
    has it been a year?!?
    it’s been great,
    glad to see it go on…

    and also, this way i’m vicariously buying some really good weed for a change… ee’s thc-fees, hee hee…

    22/11… that Swedish actresses birthday as well there, trivia fans…

    aloha,
    ee

  43. avatar
    mandn | 23 November 2006 at 2:45 pm #

    it ain’t nothin’ if you don’t have the gold trimmed Escalade
    with the spinners and platinum grille all up in yo’ mouth.
    Don’t forget the backup lamb-or-ghini drivin by virgin Asian women.

    Orpheus meets Narcissus and King Midas officiates.

    what a battle royale.

    Happy Thanksgiving friend.

    xo
    Mary

  44. avatar
    Andromeda7 | 23 November 2006 at 2:49 pm #

    I’m expecting a plummeting sell-out of commercial tripe now we’ve crossed the palms with space tokens – or theoretically could have – wait till after Christmas, you slave-driver – yes the quality will be abandoned for width I suppose, the carroling free-blasting verbosity replaced with niggardly mono-syllables… I expect more, Kilbey-san, or else I’m off to Spank Bottom Girl. Ahem, just where do I find her again?

  45. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 November 2006 at 2:58 pm #

    Are you gettin’ funnier, or am I just laughin’ more? Stop it, man! Yer killin’ me!

  46. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 November 2006 at 2:58 pm #

    Dear ((‘{~_~}’))

    Happy birthday to you, observant one. I can’t begin to imagine what you’ve been going through. Deep thoughts with you, and your beautiful daughters.
    xxx

  47. avatar
    nickfiction | 23 November 2006 at 3:50 pm #

    i like this one

  48. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 November 2006 at 3:59 pm #

    sk,
    i was kinda expecting a treatise on thanksgiving but no you had to ruin it with one of your narcissistic rants. i knew it, you can’t be trusted.

    okay, big question. on the block e.p. are the titles of locust and avenue reversed? or what? it just seems so and i stay up at night thinking about these matters.

    richard

  49. avatar
    CAPTAIN BEYOND | 23 November 2006 at 5:11 pm #

    teach me your vegan ways so me can eat in me right way…
    mjnjr

  50. avatar
    syrinx | 23 November 2006 at 5:32 pm #

    Mr. B. Bon –

    how do you think SK’s vanity plate should read? That’s a blog’s worth of speculation in the comments section alone.

  51. avatar
    leelinau | 23 November 2006 at 5:49 pm #

    **hijack**

    happy thanks ..givers

    The Canary Effect

    http://www.thenaica.org/edition_four/index.html

    Free screening ONLY today.
    (left side of screen THE CANARY EFFECT)

    **k, back to your regular programming**

    ^_^

  52. avatar
    davem | 23 November 2006 at 7:14 pm #

    I’m quite happy Nevets.
    That ass-spanking blog woman charges me $36……you’re a bargain TTB!
    xx

  53. avatar
    ambnt1 | 23 November 2006 at 8:43 pm #

    Steven,

    Chill out and get to work! If you don’t write about the following topics I will only donate 2 cents per week instead of 2 dollars:

    Michael Lembo, acid trips, the goatee circa 1990 (how did u keep it so immaculate?), paisley shirts, sexcapades with groopies, the eighteen other Church drummers, Peter Walsh, living in the U.S.A, Peter Murphy (your buddy), the hidden secret previously unforetold meaning of existence according to the TB.

    I look forward to your compliance…

    –Chris

    n.p. Daniel Lanois, “Belladonna” (no explanation necessary)

  54. avatar
    Deep Goat | 24 November 2006 at 5:00 pm #

    now yer playin’ w fire, commentees


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