posted on October 13, 2007 at 3:29 am

with almost 700,000 read
altho slipping slowly but surely down blogger chart
hovering in nineties as we speak (sigh)
seven hundred and fiftieth post
now with rsi and worse eyesight
back pain
from typing away
rabbiting on with my carryon here
all this tender venom
injecting it into the ethernet
blogge a burden for my own back
spend so much time herein
endure the extremes of adulation and loathing
monster blogge swallowing me alive
i have become a walking fiction
in my old haunts
a stranger to myself
introduced by a friend at a party
playing solitaire
listening to my solo album alone
so low as it can go
slowly it goes
unravelling like a bolero
i write this and that
reader beware
this is the stuff dreams are made of
if these shadows offend thee
pluck out thy wallet
if you are pleased with my humble magnificence
if you think im somewhere between the best and the worst
if you want to put the soy bacon on my table
and fix up my laughing gas bill
if you wanna pay me jus’ go ahead
an evil business to be sure
now cough up cough up cough up
cross my palms with silver
i see an attractive offer coming your way
i see great fortune
you will be the central figure in a world wide clique
controlling the fate of the entire planet
i will tell you things about yourself
and you will laugh out loud
or pay twice the subscription again
i will reveal to you the secrets of the mu-mu cult
and why the dollar coin has a secret ankh
i will show you ways to become a millionaire
a king
an emperor
a pope
a bass guitarist
(some courses no longer available)
this blogge will improve your physique
just by reading it!
i will show you how to be irresistable even to yourself
like me youll be shocked by your own charisma
when your devotees shower you in praises
when your billboard goes up on sunset
when crazed admirers are sky writing your name over tokyo
when rome declares your birthday a public holiday
all this and more
if you subscribe you may win a no-prize
we have 10 no-prizes to give away
including a free question that may never be answered
as long as its something i can
a) remember
b) not sub-judice
c) oh those brackets are a hassle to type
meanwhile hurly burly has been bought
it will be set in modern day california
leonardo will play the young brad pitt
as a killes himself
apollo go go go
nimbin is changed to the haight district
king astral are now called sausage and played by linkin parc
terry will be played by dom n nic
terri by the olsen twins friend miss dizzy
ritchie nicole kids man will play hookey
joe guitar will play softly
hoi polloi will appear as the crowd
you see
only this blogge has it all
all what ? you ask
it all , my friends
it all
all of it
the humour
the pathos
the glamour
the honesty
the poetry
the wonderment
guaranteed to be 100 per cent genius
down to the last single word
the blogge that doesnt need fucking capital letters
or full stops to make a point
this blogge
the original
the best
often imitated
never equalled
rolling stone called it
“best blog on earth”
david letterman said
“the time being is a phenomenon”
a high ranking irani official said
“gee had to read it everyday”
anonymous said
“stupendous!”
now you can subscribe almost for free
if you dont wish to pay
simply do nothing
if you wish to do nothing
simply pay
pay through the nose, candy
put yer money in my slot
its free to pay you know
no charge for the actual subscription
go ahead
meet my pay pal
make me rich
i just turned 750

37 Responses to “time being turns 750”

  1. avatar
    Anonymous | 13 October 2007 at 5:07 am #

    This is the bestest blogge I’ve read since 749 ! You are so clever and funny! a good afternoon to you sir!..and lovin’vibes to the back….xxA

  2. avatar
    Anonymous | 13 October 2007 at 5:24 am #

    happy birthday… my mom just celebrated one too. know what i got her?
    a card that said happy b-day.

    so…

    happy b-day!

    sorry no money today, a little on thelow side right now..
    i’ll catch ya on the flip side. but hey if ya come round this way and you’re hungry i can offer you a meal.

    timf

  3. avatar
    Anonymous | 13 October 2007 at 5:54 am #

    I can’t believe,it’s not bacon!….your blog should be number one SK!..hey,but then you’d properly be just way off the charts RSI’d out!…happy 750th birthday!It’s mighty impressive to think that you have served up this brilliance 750 times..Computers can be so helpful in one way..but you dont realize just how much you appreciate em til part or all of the shocking things go down…if you have chammomile tea bags,they are very good for eyestrain,put em on your eyes ,warm,and not quite squeezed out..undo the shackles of the back pain,the eyestrain,and the RSI.astral treatment?…off to the Medieval festival on the morrow..escapism at its gates,a beautiful day.They should have the crunch”blurred crusade”style,playing on the stage..now thats an idea???..or you could just sit back like the king,and drink some of that lovely mulled wine..Mmmm….a brillig day SK!..take care,beautiful one..love,as always,gen xxxxx x

  4. avatar
    to sir,with love.... | 13 October 2007 at 6:16 am #

    If you wanted the SKy………:)))…x

  5. avatar
    davem | 13 October 2007 at 6:22 am #

    That was a tad far fetched. Anon said “stupendous”?
    I’m a very happy subscriber. TTB is one of the highlghts of my day, every day. I will be opening my wallet in November for the next six months subs to do my bit and probably release Lord Lucan and Shergar at the the same time. 7 am in blighty…is it too early for a dose of Saturation?
    xx

  6. avatar
    steve kilbey | 13 October 2007 at 7:10 am #

    saturate before using

  7. avatar
    Anonymous | 13 October 2007 at 7:15 am #

    GENIUS!…:-) ๐Ÿ˜‰ x

  8. avatar
    Anonymous | 13 October 2007 at 8:03 am #

    I’d help out, but I’ve been banished remember ๐Ÿ™
    love Princey

  9. avatar
    Anonymous | 13 October 2007 at 8:28 am #

    i’ll gladly pay you tuesday for a blog today

  10. avatar
    Faye | 13 October 2007 at 8:45 am #

    with a wink of his twinkling eyes,and a supersonic wit,The Killer mesmerizes the room.You’re amazingly brilliant SK!.. peace and love . xo p.s. genx,is it your outlook express that’s stuffed ?mine did a number on me today as well!..DAMN GREMLINS!

  11. avatar
    Anonymous | 13 October 2007 at 8:53 am #

    two stay? how many is an orange? A. pigs,coz chickens don’t have any teeth!…ha-ha!..{i don’t get it.;-( :-))) } love .

  12. avatar
    melissa | 13 October 2007 at 9:00 am #

    oooh, I could be in your fil-um .. my dad calls me ‘miss dizzy’ too! .. goodness knows why ๐Ÿ™‚

    I think I’m going to have to subscribe .. finally! Thanks so much for Hurly Burly esp.. incredible

    x

  13. avatar
    Anonymous | 13 October 2007 at 9:17 am #

    Hello Miss Fay..your spot on me lady!..and i think that in my frantic state of overwhelming loss,at my email was dead,i think i may have pressed a few wrong buttons,and completely uninstalled it….and i dont know where to start,in re installing it…”stuffed”,as you called it,is an extremely polite way to encompass the dreadful words that i have said to my computer today…now i {unless by some miracle}monday,at the earliest appt. available from the IT guy! …ahhhhhhhhhggggggggg! that feels a little bit better!thanks for letting me vent that SK! oh,have a gorgeous evening Steven……x ..genx

  14. avatar
    eek | 13 October 2007 at 9:26 am #

    You look mighty good for 750. ๐Ÿ™‚

    I’ve read all 750 and been moved by all 750.

    That’s a damned good record.

    Thank you.

  15. avatar
    steve kilbey | 13 October 2007 at 9:29 am #

    eekie
    youre back
    lovely
    sk

  16. avatar
    Anonymous | 13 October 2007 at 9:54 am #

    Pay?…..come here , and say that. …nah! only joking about the money.I subscribe…../CW x

  17. avatar
    Cheeky | 13 October 2007 at 10:17 am #

    SK is cheeky ……You’re cheeky!*

  18. avatar
    davem | 13 October 2007 at 11:23 am #

    I’m fond of Holly’s back too.

  19. avatar
    Anonymous | 13 October 2007 at 12:11 pm #

    i betcha all subscribers get a free set of steak knives upon subscription…happy 750th, olde bean, may the force be with you…i won’t tell you whose back I’M fond of (!!!!)
    love always
    -The Hellbound Heart

  20. avatar
    Anonymous | 13 October 2007 at 12:22 pm #

    You just brought the biggest smile to my face SK!..You are priceless,precious,and divinely precocious..xo..happy 750 birthday* I have always found you to be incredible…what a brain you have,as well..one of a kind SK!what an amazing fellow you truly are. love .heart n soul,spiritwalker x:)))

  21. avatar
    restaurant mark | 13 October 2007 at 2:09 pm #

    happy 750 time being! hope to read 750 more…not today of course…but eventually. you crack me up steve…love today’s blog…great sense of humor. hate not having as much time lately to post. work…work. but my schedule seems to be smoothing out now…so hopefully…

    take care man

    mark

  22. avatar
    Rรฉgion Frontiรจre | 13 October 2007 at 2:22 pm #

    That’s one hell of a sales pitch.

    Congrats on turning 750. You don’t look a day over 500.

    love,
    Miss Grove

  23. avatar
    Candy | 13 October 2007 at 2:38 pm #

    sweetest dreams x good night . love . x

  24. avatar
    veleska1970 | 13 October 2007 at 3:55 pm #

    **doubled over laughing** your biting sarcasm and wit just cracks me up. but i look forward to reading this blogge every day. it’s the first thing i go to when i open up my firefox browser. TTB is always the first order of business for the day. ๐Ÿ™‚ and i subscribe, and i do so gladly. i know it ain’t much, but hey~~i’m not rich, either.

    750?? *wow*. no wonder you have rsi and back problems. but 750 posts~~i think some champagne is in order. here’s a toast to another 750: **clink** hell, here’s a toast to triple that many!!!

    lotza love….

  25. avatar
    fantasticandy | 13 October 2007 at 6:35 pm #

    i think you work cheap.
    your stuff’s a steal.
    luv,
    andy L.

  26. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 13 October 2007 at 7:34 pm #

    No blog is as creative as Sk’s. No song has the pathos and beauty to match “the aweful ache”. The Time Being and saving manatees are my causes today. Soy bacon and scrambled tofu rules! Get on board Al Gore!

    As long as we have guns, slaughterhouses, hunting and trapping, we will have homicides and wars!!

  27. avatar
    Anonymous | 13 October 2007 at 8:33 pm #

    well,good morning to you !..good morning to you !good bloggies from Bilkey!1500,part 2!…..and many more…Miss froggy on her lilypad,sans harmonica”eyes got da greenz,baby,”Mrs.Hippy blues{greenz actually}..no lift off from cape Carnivale!..dis ear puta ken juss keeeez mah patooti!..unless it is playing nicely of course…xxxxx ooooo have a stunning day SK!…love and rockets,in a ruckus of bucketsssss…love as always,..mis gen x

  28. avatar
    Anonymous | 13 October 2007 at 9:36 pm #

    Um?Brien? are you suggesting that we all jump onto dear old Mr Gore?..ie.”jump on board Al Gore” Mmmmmmmhe may end up needing a mighty big wheelbarrow to carry the rest of the people who dont fit onto his “piggyback arrangement”..hee hee!..{ahhh,i dont get tthat one either}{gimme some more caffeine} x

  29. avatar
    Anonymous | 13 October 2007 at 10:46 pm #

    I love ttb, well done sk, it’s the best thing since sliced bread!
    LOVE you always,
    Amanda

  30. avatar
    Anonymous | 13 October 2007 at 11:00 pm #

    I Love You SK!You are GREAT! How much is a subscription?..Mmmm..how long is a piece of string…will we ever stop reading?..I’m a frayed knot! *-y,*-y Steven!

  31. avatar
    Anonymous | 13 October 2007 at 11:24 pm #

    what an amazing week. definitely worth the $25 bucks i just coughed up.

    r.

  32. avatar
    steve kilbey | 13 October 2007 at 11:29 pm #

    thanks r.

  33. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 October 2007 at 12:20 am #

    It’s that electric kinda funny ,that I love about you SK!..I’d be one who’ll happily pay!* ..it should be considered compulsory! so,subscribe ladies and gentlemen,flora and fauna….

  34. avatar
    in jest!..more than any way,but... | 14 October 2007 at 12:54 am #

    what took YA so long?! ;-)))))tell em all that you want em to subscribe..i think you may just be surprised at the result…..x

  35. avatar
    Queen Hatshepsut | 14 October 2007 at 1:34 am #

    one day not too long ago i awoke and thought
    i’ve been paying my dues…still…
    but not the killah!
    and then i did.
    hope you received the $ gratitude – aside from my words, of course.
    happy 750th steven
    you are the hardest blogging man
    in show bizness
    love,
    denise
    xxoo

  36. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 October 2007 at 1:58 am #

    happy jazz,is the wildest organic jazz!Now ain’t that just jazzzzzzzzzzzzz!

  37. avatar
    DARKSIDE OF THE 80'S | 17 October 2007 at 8:10 am #

    SK i love your music, but you whine way too much about being broke, so is 3/4 of the world, so why should anyone give you money, how about darfur, and the aids crisis is africa, how about the extreme poverty all over the world, geoncide, terrorism, false wars,…but it always seems to be give me more and more money. i am curious..do you donate to charity mr. kilbey?

    i love your MUSIC

    todd


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