posted on May 16, 2012 at 6:44 pm

plucked from the void

time is moving tho you wouldn’t know it

we get so lucky till we blow it

we are our own worst enemys worst enemy

no message in a bottle

even when theres no where left to go

you gotta go some where

lord of universe take this feeling away

my australian prayer is for detachment from all the chains

the chain of events that is so sickeningly inevitable

the glaring and obvious bleeding consequences

the chain the hopeless one attaches to the stupid one who got sucked in

the chain between the rotten stuff and the rotten you

my prayer is for healing my prayer is for some more peace

thank you we had a month can we have some more ?

i have long lost my nerve for these dangerous games

i can’t bear to watch the other players crash

i can’t bear to hear the moans and the retching

when their illusion bursts and they writhe upon contact with reality

wake up and it all comes back to you

you weep deep in dreams of remorse

because your heart has been masked unasked

can’t go forward can’t go back

can’t go to the job you lost last time

or was it the time before that

dawn comes to you and so full of fear

dawn pale and unforgiving in hospital

or maybe in some strangers room looking up at a dirty ceiling

dawn screams you awake with her burning flame of tomorrow morning

dawn who is a horror to you as you are yourself a horror to dawn

dawn down and out for the count

struggle to stand up but

BANG

your opponent just put you back on your knees

yet you aint never laid a glove on him

you still try for another swing

you still clamber back into the ring

and your opponent wins every fight by finishing em off

or wounding em so bad they won’t fight again

your opponent with all of his names and disguises

your opponent with all of his tricks and his lies

he dances around you outsmarted you so easy

he trips you up he smacks you around

he bitch slaps your face and he kicks your ass

he punches your kidney and liver and spleen

he head butts you so bad you can’t ever think straight

a smack in the eye and then you are blind

then your money runs out

he won’t even fight ya

you can’t even find him though you look for him everywhere

but he’s out dining at rich mens tables

and he’s out to sup with the poor

and he’s driving cars around n smashing em up

and he’s inciting violence all over the place

quite frankly you were a lightweight to this clever devil

he’s elusive and fuck …you never can learn

i guess my prayer then is for us both to be released

and all of us too and everyone else

i’m sick of this bullshit

i’m sick of this lark

i’m sick of this

sick of this

sick of this

 

 

58 Responses to “time is moving tho you wouldn’t know it”

  1. avatar
    andy | 16 May 2012 at 7:17 pm #

    you just beat me up too…….
    that was like going ten rounds with joe bugner.

  2. avatar
    eekie | 16 May 2012 at 7:18 pm #

    Breaks my heart every single time.
    Sometimes I wish I’d never tried.
    Now I can’t not care.
    But damn it hurts.

  3. avatar
    Ingrid | 16 May 2012 at 7:45 pm #

    I hope you and your family are all okay.

  4. avatar
    Linjo | 16 May 2012 at 8:09 pm #

    Ah life in the city with all the stresses, demands and consequences. Go bush young man! My friend just came back from Tasmania where she saw beautiful federation homes for $110,000. If only it were that easy! Take care Steve. Linda x

  5. avatar
    Boriah | 16 May 2012 at 9:04 pm #

    Finnally an entry about boxing!! Uppercutting the enemy!

    That´s good you´re practising with your Fender. To play at least 30 mins/day keep the doctor away, you know the saying…

    Best wishes while a chick is throwing her tanga in my face, asking me to go back to bed. In the holy name of Warren Beatty…

    • avatar
      thetimebeing | 17 May 2012 at 7:48 am #

      you are a complete fuckwit

      • avatar
        Linjo | 17 May 2012 at 7:57 am #

        haha yeah, no doubt a ‘tanga’ in the finest glossy print!

      • avatar
        Boriah | 17 May 2012 at 8:02 am #

        Are you insulting me??

        • avatar
          thetimebeing | 17 May 2012 at 8:26 am #

          yeah you’re a fucking joke

          • avatar
            linjo | 17 May 2012 at 1:14 pm #

            and a wanker (literally)

          • avatar
            Boriah | 17 May 2012 at 4:15 pm #

            Hey Mr. Punchline, I send you best wishes on my way to buy more condoms, haha!!!

          • avatar
            thetimebeing | 17 May 2012 at 5:05 pm #

            good! i’m glad you’re not procreating children anyway

  6. avatar
    colette | 16 May 2012 at 9:16 pm #

    Every summer, I long for winter. Now it’s nearly winter, I wonder if the only real pleasure in life is being an hourglass on sand.

  7. avatar
    verdelay | 16 May 2012 at 9:56 pm #

    I know that dull thud, that brainswelling nausea, the sickening metallic swirl as you scrabble around to find the bearings you dropped like little marbles, knee-grazed on the concrete steps. Humiliated and piss-stained dog beaten by the braying hoarde. There they are, near and stinking and waspish cruel. Wish you didn’t come around, wish you could just fade to blue, but that’s not you – there’s fight inside and it wants a target, so you lurch up and take yet another dulling blow, your mind’s light listing like a stricken ocean liner in a sea of high-grade pain (the deep green stuff you can only get if you know the wrong people). Again and again you submit yourself to the futility of trying, trying, trying. Again and again the throb and pulse, the metal hurt and all your teeth spat out on the ground, something thick oozing from your nostrils.

    And just as the loop catches and you find yourself returned to the zero moment where the upwelling begins anew, just at that moment in the corner of your blurry, bloody, swirling vision, you see a little dot of blue, like a broken pixel in your field of vision.

    (Whump. Another blow. You feel something ruputure and the liquid warmth inside you feels almost nice)

    That little blue dot.

    (Crunch. The jackels howl with laughter. You’ve shat yourself with pain. hahahahah!)

    The little blue dot. Everything is still. What is it? Focus and it grows – blue, then blue-white, then white, shuddering and juddering lightelectricheat (They are stamping on your fingers which shatter like biscuits)lightelectricbuzzinghot

    It is like waking up, but more sudden, more absolute.

    It is blue again, this whole sky. Pain is abstracted to high altitude cirrus, distant, benign, quite beautiful. You are sitting in a garden. Sun-warm. It is summer. The bees are heavy and lazy colourful flowers droop all around you. Your children’s laughter tinkles across the lawn. A woman who you have always known fixes her eyes upon you and smiles. Her eyes. Her cheeks. Those lips. Her eyes. The smile fills you up, there is warmth in it, a comforting hotness that percolates to your extremities and induces a smile in your own face. You can’t stop it, wouldn’t want to stop it. It feels good. All your teeth are intact. It is a sunny day in August. You have no obligations, everything has been completed. It’s hours until sunset, but you remember that dusk is long and warm and purple-tinged. And the night beyond that, she whispers. Even the dawn beyond that – something about a carnival, a show. That’s the ocean you can hear, and salt announces itself on a gentle breeze.

    Oh, but life is good. Life. Is. Good.

  8. avatar
    Chris | 16 May 2012 at 11:44 pm #

    Helped a family say goodbye to their mum this afternoon before she slipped into a morphine induced coma…The Time Being helped me to be confident about where she is going….

  9. avatar
    Chris | 16 May 2012 at 11:45 pm #

    Shadow boxing with the enemy, man? Spiritual warfare…spiritual warfare….

  10. avatar
    david | 16 May 2012 at 11:50 pm #

    amen …

  11. avatar
    BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 17 May 2012 at 12:21 am #

    Level head Killer – keeps your balance and your life
    moving forward because reverse really sucks !!!!!!!!

    Daz

  12. avatar
    DavidP | 17 May 2012 at 1:22 am #

    so sorry Steve
    sorry for all concerned
    especially the one caught in the grip of a vicious opponent for so long
    I think its an excellent idea to pray in the ways you have mentioned
    whenever I feel any sort of negativity I pray for it to be disintegrated
    in the moment it is manifesting and I keep asking with every cell of my body until it goes
    sometimes I’ll also do a meditation on that inner state to understand more
    and whenever I have problems with someone, I look to see what I’m suppose to learn about myself from it and I pray for both of us to have understanding
    well, I find all this works so thought I’d share
    there’s still hope, sometimes a relapse happens on the road to abstinence

  13. avatar
    Anonymous | 17 May 2012 at 3:04 am #

    sheer, quiet stubborness — that dang devil just doesn’t know what to make of it! drives him batty! Go get him!

  14. avatar
    Cocoamo | 17 May 2012 at 11:50 am #

    You are such a nice person, it makes me so sad that someone is screwing with you. Hope all is resolved toot sweet and you can put that unpleasantness behind you. Surround yourself with people who love you – that can’t be hard to do! You deserve beauty and joy. (What’s the saying…”Don’t let the bastards wear you down?)

    Your Friend in Pennsylvania

  15. avatar
    Anonymous | 17 May 2012 at 12:52 pm #

    Poetry is man’s rebellion against being what he is. ~James Branch Cabell

  16. avatar
    BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 17 May 2012 at 1:13 pm #

    Boriah was just being Boriah…
    You smashed him to bits…
    Not even being attacked…
    You have done that to me in the past…
    And to many others recently…
    It really doesn’t matter much anymore…
    Some of us care more than you you think…
    How can that be ??? You ask yourself…
    Yeah- most of us are complete strangers…
    Do we even matter much anymore ????
    Iv been here since 1984…
    That’s a long fucking time…
    Don’t think that most of us would leave-
    if we really knew who you are and all that crap…
    I’m worse than you, don’t fool yourself…
    Iv left bloody corpses in my wake…
    Epic self destructive tendencies…
    So many of us have have wrote chapters in that book…
    I can’t be that person anymore, I try my best each day now…
    Iv been called worst and treated the same by
    people who still are my loving friends…
    When the smoke clears and you count who is
    left standing…
    Most of us will still be here…
    Unlike the souless vampires who have
    been sucking you dry for eons now…
    Get them the fuck away once and for all !!!

    I,We need nothing from you that I/We haven’t
    provided for ourselves already…
    It will all turn out alright…
    This I am sure of…
    It always has, it always will…
    I’ll still be here…
    Hope you will do the same Killer…

    Take care of yourself…well wishes cost nothing but mean everthing…
    Friends need nothing from each other…except each other…
    Without you, I would never have met Andy…
    A friendship evolved from nowhere, from nothing, but from you…
    That’s a lot, for some- that’s a lifes work…a dream…
    You’ve done a world of good – though you may think different…
    We all are made from the same materials…
    A fool thinks they’re different and gets dumber each passing day…
    No need to impress anymore…
    All your debts and than some have been paid…
    Let no one take anymore, it will kill you…

    Yeah-
    I’ll still be here…
    Worrying about everyone – including you…

    Daz

    • avatar
      Boriah | 17 May 2012 at 6:40 pm #

      Agreed Daz, I didnt attack anyone, just trying to be funny. Never insulted anyone. Never insulted back. Whatever.

      And now…greetings from a sexshop!!! :))))

  17. avatar
    scary monsters | 17 May 2012 at 1:44 pm #

    you are the brave heart, a hero forever, it dont happen without you dad, best always

  18. avatar
    Chris | 17 May 2012 at 3:40 pm #

    @Cocoamo…I suspect it is not a ‘person’ but the ‘fallen angel of light’…aka ‘lucifer.’

    • avatar
      Cocoamo | 18 May 2012 at 10:35 am #

      Hair stands up on back of neck. Yes, read it again and see what you mean.

      “Something hateful in your head…Kick it out!”
      The Church

  19. avatar
    Scoot | 17 May 2012 at 5:26 pm #

    Steve – you are loved by so many people – darkness infects all – if you get into bed with dogs you end up with flees – I would love to have a yarn with you over a coffee and or whilst walking to Bronte. yes – I am a local bloke who keeps a respectful distance however would love to try to talk out these problems. You have so much going for you and your best years are probably ahead. have no fear, I am not a zealot nor do I want anything from you – just a caring person who might be able to guide you to happier places.

    • avatar
      thetimebeing | 17 May 2012 at 5:59 pm #

      when we get to bronte will you buy me a veggie burger n chips?

      • avatar
        Scoot | 17 May 2012 at 9:12 pm #

        yep – cafe salina is the go
        i think that would be a hoot – you have my email address I think??

  20. avatar
    Bernadette keys | 17 May 2012 at 9:01 pm #

    If its any consolation the intensity of what’s happening will burn out one way or another. Such a roller coaster and a terrible ride indeed but it will lessen in time. Went through a similar thing and its not so intense now- still happening though. I can really admire that you’ve kept working through it all.

  21. avatar
    veleska1970 | 17 May 2012 at 9:10 pm #

    i’m sending a ton of hugs, steve.

  22. avatar
    Once | 17 May 2012 at 10:43 pm #

    Beautifully, bravely, and powerfully written. There’s really no better description, you’ve nailed it.

    My demons know me well, but fortunately for me, My God knows me better.

    Faith. Faith. Breathe.

  23. avatar
    Steven Krut | 17 May 2012 at 10:45 pm #

    I hope things make a turn for the better. The opponent CAN be defeated.

  24. avatar
    Chris | 17 May 2012 at 11:19 pm #

    Never lose the fire…never lose the anger…never lose the searing ability to expose the fake…never lose the drive to create and express…or we will all be paupers.

  25. avatar
    princey | 18 May 2012 at 10:49 am #

    Sorry to hear that your family problems are still ongoing sk, maybe when you’re gone, (overseas I mean), it’ll help all involved to clear their heads and move on.
    Stay positive dearest sk 🙂

    Hope you can post from Sweden, but it’d be a good idea to go internet-free and enjoy the “real” life for a change, wouldn’t it, for 2 whole weeks woohoo!.

    Take care and love always,
    Amanda

  26. avatar
    Katie2 | 18 May 2012 at 11:41 pm #

    I observed that same continual fight for years-and it was exhausting and soul destroying to watch. And no matter how many times I asked, begged, cajoled, prayed and demanded that he not enter the ring again, the thrill of meeting the opponent always won. Observing is more exhausting than participating. At least for those in the ring, there comes a time when numbness, although only temporary, deletes the pain. For us, the observers chained to the ring, there is no such relief, just agonising, permsnent injury. Eventually, i had to walk away with the game still playing…

  27. avatar
    Once | 19 May 2012 at 10:28 am #

    OBLIVION

    Can I escape what
    I call oblivion
    They talk in turns around me
    Speaking of sin
    And for all that I’ve done
    And all that might come now
    There’s a road to the sun
    It’s time to take a bow
    Can you imagine
    The pain of someone else
    I just can’t stand to feel it
    Means more to me than self
    And the road grinds away
    Spins away from me
    Hopeless dim and grey
    Who am I supposed to be?
    There is an image
    Of what I thought I was
    Completely misbegotten
    I am cosmic fuzz
    There’s a love in the sky
    I know cuz I’ve seen it
    There’s a new kind of high
    You wouldn’t believe it
    There’s a bridge from your banks
    You’ve just got to cross it
    And respect what remains
    See what it costs us.

  28. avatar
    Once | 19 May 2012 at 11:11 am #

    It’s a Snow Job night. Guess I’ll never shut up about this record. You guys will prob never know me, but you hit the sweet spot. Maybe we’ll all gather in the afterlife…

    • avatar
      thetimebeing | 19 May 2012 at 5:31 pm #

      donna i am so glad you love snow job!
      rave on all you likE!

      • avatar
        Once | 20 May 2012 at 5:40 am #

        Oh, I have not yet BEGUN to rave…this record is bloody red raw, with a jovial finesse over the top that is unparalled in human experience. It’s not just the talent – and there’s plenty of that – it’s the subconcious exposed. Once in a goddamned lifetime.

        • avatar
          thetimebeing | 20 May 2012 at 3:47 pm #

          it was a very painful record to make. thats all i remember. its still hard to listen to it for me

  29. avatar
    Anonymous | 19 May 2012 at 3:08 pm #

    can’t stand this feeling of helplessness
    wish i could
    offer something beyond the same blind smothering hug however heartfelt —
    you’re not weak, but you’ve never quite grown all the outer layers of skin
    — the hideous truth is that you would have been a lesser artist
    without this mixed blessing, this gift of feeling so intensely it gets unbearable
    ——you might have never asked to crank it up so high
    guess it’s a package deal…
    and you cyclothymic waves keep slamming you against the hard rocks
    the opponent
    but as long as you can stay afloat you will survive, yes, — because
    you’re not weak

    • avatar
      thetimebeing | 19 May 2012 at 5:31 pm #

      thank you for this.
      i think you may be right
      to do what i do i have to feel everything
      and i do and i always have
      but i can never ever switch it off
      not even heroin could switch it off

      • avatar
        Once | 20 May 2012 at 6:10 am #

        Ya know, might be going out on a limb here, but I’d venture to guess that your drug experience was a lot like mine. There was always – always – a part of my being that functioned as an outside observer. That KNEW that it was temporary. That KNEW that I was “slumming”, in a desperate hope that there might be an answer there. That was able – easily – to drop it when it proved to be the disappointment that it is. Coke withdrawals are obviously not like H ones…I just couldn’t stay awake for more than 10 minutes, and had to learn how to eat again…but that inner strength was there all the time.

        You’re even MORE than I thought you were, SK. Don’t be so hard on yourself, yeah? As has been said on here – your best days really are ahead of you.

    • avatar
      Once | 20 May 2012 at 5:27 am #

      Love this comment. Although written for SK, I – on a lesser scale of course – face the same thing. About to simply walk away from a 20-year “corporate giant” career, because I can’t do the call center thing anymore…as long as I am there, I will be unfulfilled and running in circles – and damaging myself by switching off in my “free” time, which makes it not really “free” at all. Vicious cycle indeed.

      Rolling out the 401K, paying off the debt, finalizing the divorce, dropping the wine and ciggs…I am fortunate to have this chance. But I’ve really earned it.

      “You can run, but you can’t hide
      Cuz everything you’re running from is locked deep inside
      So let it the fuck out.”

      – S. Moore

      • avatar
        Once | 20 May 2012 at 5:29 am #

        In screamo voice, of course. The only good screamo is Australian screamo. 😉

  30. avatar
    Anonymous | 19 May 2012 at 6:38 pm #

    the off switch is in your grave, steve
    it’s awful hard to regard this intensity that tears you apart
    as a gift —
    —– yet it is —–
    and this is why you can make others feel
    reaching so deep it makes them shudder, wondering
    was it pain? bliss? magic?
    yes, all of the above —
    — your interface with the world —
    with those who have the ability to hear
    but the payoff is gruesome
    you never stop bleeding
    sorry
    love

  31. avatar
    Chris | 20 May 2012 at 3:26 pm #

    Poetry is the sound of someone falling over things in the dark, and the record of them turning the light on and seeing where they have been.~ Benjamin Myers.

  32. avatar
    Chris | 20 May 2012 at 3:32 pm #

    Intense emotional feeling is both the gift and the curse for the true artist…intense insight…a searing ability to see the truth of things, with all of the attendant awareness and the pain that goes with that sensitivity and realisation. Van Gogh had it. Keats had it. John Donne had it. Sylvia Plath had it. Albert Camus had it. Cat Stevens has it. Leonard Cohen has it. Steve Kilbey has it…thank God.

  33. avatar
    Chris | 20 May 2012 at 3:41 pm #

    Here’s a useful reflection compadres: “The Christian God is perceived to be the One who enters into a world of confusion and ambiguity, and works in contradictions. After all, even God’s own self-communication in our world was not a unilateral declaration but an appalling, ambiguous zig-zag of death and resurrection. Such a God does not console us or fulfil our wishes, but strips us of our fantasies and brings all of our religious expectations under the gaze of a searingly critical eye”…..bit like what Steve does for us…Again, thankyou, man.

  34. avatar
    Chris | 20 May 2012 at 3:50 pm #

    Hmmm…more ‘curse’ than ‘gift’ at the mo?

  35. avatar
    Chris | 20 May 2012 at 3:54 pm #

    Maybe you are like the Garden of Gethsemane crew: tired from leaning in to hear the still small voice of God; exhausted for trying to get the message acroos to others; hungry to connect with all that’s good; paralysed as if in a dream; but desperate for the overflowing, bountiful cornucopia of the God’s eternal spring…

  36. avatar
    Chris | 20 May 2012 at 3:58 pm #

    I mean to email you Steve…thanks heaps for agreeing to speak to the staff at my school in WA. I am blown away by your accessibility and generosity. I am going to be in Sydney for a conference in June, staying with my sister in Waverton. If ya wanna catch up for a coffee and talk poetry, God, life and the whole dang thing…as well as the questions I would ask you on the Skype day, I would be happy to… I reckon we share some of the journey…I know Nick Cave a little…a godly poet as well….My email is cbeal@petermoyes.wa.edu.au

    Peace and Love, man. And don’t despair…you are in touch with the cosmos in a way few people are…a great gift and a great burden as you explored in ‘E lied ya’ (That was so cool!)


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