posted on February 23, 2011 at 3:27 am

darkness returning

philly 2 nyc’s and boston all good greenville acoustic show good i have been neglecting my post something came along took the wind outta my sails too busy just coping driving for 14 hour days into night arrive somewhere in darkness my days are filled with a certain sorrow my moral compass is busted i dont know right from wrong whats right for some is wrong for others whats wrong for me is right for them the tour is about to end and  feel anxious i feel scared i feel lonely i feel panicky maybe someday i will/can tell the whole tale a real tale of stupidity and woe a tale that as it grew enfolded more n more people until everyone stood on the sideline shouting at me nobody knows how sad and unsure i am nobody knows what this is like its chaos in my head cha-os last show tonite fly home tomorrow the shows and audiences incredible behind the scenes in my life the shadows multiply i’m lost like a kid is lost like a lamb is lost entering atlanta now its the last ride our little game is over and i cant cry cos i saw it coming no use running take it slow why cant things be easy? i dunno they never are we’ll see wont we?

138 Responses to “tour diary”

  1. avatar
    MICHAEL J FRIM | 23 February 2011 at 3:58 am #

    Take it easy kid. Everything will be alright. Leave the darkness behind return to the light. Better day’s ahead I’m sure. MJ FIRM

  2. avatar
    Bassmanuk | 23 February 2011 at 4:10 am #

    A problem halved is a problem shared. An Advanced Master Practitioner in NLP offers his services, if you would like me to help, the offers there. Safe trip home.

  3. avatar
    bc | 23 February 2011 at 4:21 am #

    feeling your pain and wishing you well.
    thanks for coming…see you tonight.

    “wherever we are, god is…and all is well”

    • avatar
      bc | 24 February 2011 at 8:22 am #

      bravo sk… that was the best concert ever! i truly loved it!
      never seen 3 records performed back to back by any band. let alone 3 great records by the greatest band.
      amazing performance, sound and spirit. especially considering you were struggling with your voice and all the rest.

      much love and gratitude…bc

  4. avatar
    Kristine | 23 February 2011 at 4:35 am #

    There’s nothing worse than that panicky feeling one gets. Hope the chaos ends soon and joy returns.

  5. avatar
    BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 23 February 2011 at 4:47 am #

    SK-
    There are people that know what ‘chaos’ in the head feels like. I will always be open and honest with everyone I meet, everyone I care for. I never realized that living with all this physical pain would result in emotional/mental instability. I was the most grounded individual of everyone, so I thought. I started feeling panicky, edgy, depressed and a total lack of sleep engulfed me. I was , at first, cared for improperly with medication where as I really just wanted someone ‘outside of my life’s circle’ to talk to. To bounce my feelings, emotions, dreams and nightmares off of and not be judged, well at least not openly to my face. I just wanted and needed help, someone to help me sort thru the muck and mess that is my everyday life …living in a prison of pain, Fuck…I am anxious because a nurse at one of my MANY doctors offices slipped and informed me that my MRI that I had on the morning of the Chicago show, “is not what you want to know, please do not quote me on this” said the nurse that i have known for many years on the phone the other day, she mailed me the results and I will probably get them tomorrow.
    Why do i write this, its because it makes me upset and anxious…but I know that I have my appointment with my Phd. therapist on Wednesday. And I will share everything with her, and hopefully, she will clear my focus for me.
    So Steve, please, when you arrive home, find a psychologist (male,female), that you can sit down with and talk to without feeling that you ‘need to talk, act, or behave’ in a pre-determined fashion. And as it goes for medications, they are extremely toxic in my chemical system. This has been medically proven, but, there are medications that can and do help many people. But be weary, talk to someone first, do not get diagnosed or catagorized to quickly because mistakes happen so often in psycho-analysis.
    You are not a lamb, or a child. You are a man with disturbances in his life that has caused emotional and behavioral challenges that , if not addressed, will grow and fester into something that may be difficult to really get a handle on, you are not to blame. Life’s uncertain, that is mostly the cause.
    I hope you have had a chance to read the 2 books I gave you, they are great for plane travel and/or ,escaping in some doses, pleasant hideaways for the mind. As all of your writings have been for so many of us.
    Love ya brother…please consider above and take care of yourself. This world definitely needs your aura, music, words, and being (father,brother,artist,friend).

    Be safe and well…

    AsAlways,
    Darrin K.

  6. avatar
    BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 23 February 2011 at 4:58 am #

    SK-
    Almost forgot….
    Travel safe, land safe, find true love and warmth in the arms of those incredible children, its ok to shed a tear in front of them, with them. They are your greatest creation, all five of them. Two have grown their wings and are soaring as true angels, three are standing strong, feet on the ground,…waiting for dad’s safe and timely return.

    AsAlways…again,
    Darrin K.

  7. avatar
    Steven Krut | 23 February 2011 at 5:11 am #

    Welcome to Atlanta, Steve. We’re honored to have you in our city. Stay strong and try to meditate when you get back home. It will calm the chaos in your mind. Peace & love!

  8. avatar
    . | 23 February 2011 at 5:37 am #

    it’s good to see you again steve
    don’t be discouraged, roll up your sleeves
    count your many blessings, morning and eve
    it shall be well with you so long as you believe
    those in atlanta anticipate your arrival
    like a congregation in springtime splendor revival
    chaos and disorder orbiting in all of us
    a sad reality, but make the most of it
    you’ll bring old friends together just to see you on stage
    the music you play will heal old wounds and let others partake
    of the infinite goodness it can glow and radiates
    make no mistake, it’ll be rockin’, it’ll be great
    enduring as the horizon, so don’t be late
    don’t enter the pain, don’t let it frustrate
    one day in infinity, the loop will return again
    someday, never too late…

  9. avatar
    Freddie | 23 February 2011 at 5:40 am #

    Sending love and praying for peace (hugs).

  10. avatar
    queenhatshepsut | 23 February 2011 at 5:48 am #

    Steven,
    This broke my heart. I send you love and good wishes for a safe trip home. Perhaps you will feel better once ensconsed in familiar surroundings. There are days, so many, when I could have written this same blog post. I don’t know exactly what you’re going through but I think I’ve shared the emotions. Feel better my friend.
    Love,
    Denise xxoo

  11. avatar
    Andreas | 23 February 2011 at 6:01 am #

    Dear Steve,

    who am I to comment on this… I seem to understand what’s going on, and I don’t know what’s going on. I just would like to tell you that I came all the way from Italy to Philadelphia for your show, and I could never ever have made a better decision. It has been awesome and I really felt in contact with you and the band all through the show. If times are hard for you, it did not show. You were just doing great and projected a wave of positivity and energy. Great vibes, as they say.

    I really hope that, despite the hard times, the fact that there are people who “feel” your art, for whom your way of expressing through words and music is so important, is going to help you through. I do hope it is rewarding that your art matters so much for many, and I also hope you realize how relevant you are. I was just blown away by the possibility to come backstage (thanks Sue!) and, although we just very briefly shook hands and I was very possibly unable to look anything but an irrelevant, probably obnoxious idiot, it made my day to be just able to say “thank you”. Thank you for being so relevant. Thank you for making my life easier every time I immerse into your songs.

    Ah, and again, what a great night it was, everybody. What a great show. What a dream come true. The greatest band on earth ever, in their fullest, ripest blossom.

    Thank you.

    Andreas
    Genoa/Italy

    • avatar
      thetimebeing | 24 February 2011 at 6:15 am #

      wow! thanks andreas!
      i remember you
      it was a tough night
      much love
      sk

      • avatar
        sue c | 5 March 2011 at 9:08 pm #

        Yeah wow, it was a pretty tough hey sk. I had a feeling of helplessness on the tour seeing you struggling so much but every moment you smiled was worth a thousand mona lisas. Andreas you were a beautiful ray of sunshine.

  12. avatar
    NYC_Rich | 23 February 2011 at 6:17 am #

    wondering what happened to you SK i knew you were touring a lot but figured we’d hear from you. sorry for whatever chaos and negativity has enveloped you i won’t be so bold as to try and provide advice but i’ll keep you in prayers. maybe find a quiet place so you can think and hear what you are telling yourself i don’t think the road is a good environment for it. for whatever it’s worth i saw you at BB Kings and it was a wonderful show you had great emotion and feeling (whereas peter looked like a mannequin!). all my best.

  13. avatar
    winecandy | 23 February 2011 at 7:04 am #

    Fear not, worry not kind friend and life’s passenger. .. you have traveled far and experienced much this trip to America.

    Your consciousness is expanding, when that happens, well, wierd things begin to happen all round. Chin up, mate.

    Oh — and read about people like Gandhi, etc., Martin Luther King, Jr. — that’s kind of what the deal is, happened to them too. Try Thomas Merton. Peace.

  14. avatar
    Once | 23 February 2011 at 7:22 am #

    I know exactly how you feel but I’m not you so exact is relative. Tour coincided nearly day-for-day with my time off/cringe-worthy meltdown/unrelated surgery/self-imposed rehab-always rehabbing, will I ever stand on the top of the mountain and look down on my past self and feel accomplishment instead of looking up at who I think I’m supposed be? 7 days sober and there are flashes of brilliance that I need to believe in, yeah I know they’re real so why can’t I DO anything instead of just thinking about it, and if I did is that really what I want, maybe I’m afraid of disappointment, so much so that I no longer know what I want, but maybe that’s a good starting point as the ego is the source of all despair or so they say, so not wanting anything and just being present 100% is the way to go but man, that takes a lotta courage, maybe gravity will cease to exist and I’ll fly off the face of the earth, but isn’t that what I’m always trying to do anyway ha ha…

    So with the tour coming to a close I can’t imagine what it’s like to be Kilbey, you already know that those mirrors are not exact and they never will be, they can be cringe-worthy and embarrassing, all you can do is break the glass and go deeper, tell the whole tale but not for us, for you. Dylan once said, “Just because you like my stuff, doesn’t mean that I owe you anything”, true in all aspects.

    You’re greatest line has yet to be written, but you may be the only one to read it, and that’s gotta be enough. Metaphorically speaking. I once had a lover who accused me of using the entire rest of the world for therapy, he was right, but some of us don’t mind and I know that a lotta people believe in you beyond the music, behind the glass, so at least you’re not alone, and at best you’ll be okay alone. Best of luck and love always…

    D.

  15. avatar
    cerca trove | 23 February 2011 at 7:33 am #

    hang in there tb. I really liked your show in Chicago. Drove 5 hours to see it, and that seemed long. I can imagine how draining being on the road must be, and throwing some other stress on top that is bad. keep in mind that there aren’t many bands that are still touring after 30+ years and being true to their music.

  16. avatar
    Thomas Thomsen | 23 February 2011 at 8:04 am #

    I feel your pain, Steve. I can tell it’s real!

    I have a feeling this is about Nathalie and you, but I’m not sure. If I’m right, I really hope you guys will work it out.

  17. avatar
    Lara | 23 February 2011 at 8:16 am #

    This breaks my heart. I don’t know if there’s a specific cause for your mood or if the weight of the world just chose you as today’s target. Perhaps the success of the tour is taking it out of you. Either way, know that life’s pleasure awaits your return even if you can’t feel it now.

  18. avatar
    cazziem | 23 February 2011 at 8:39 am #

    Life wouldn’t be life SK if there were no conflict whether it be in the heart, soul or mind. However, on the plus side you will soon be re-united with your beautiful daughters who don’t judge you and love you unconditionally, which is as good as it could possibly get. Enjoy you home-coming. xxx

  19. avatar
    robertmadore | 23 February 2011 at 8:40 am #

    Be kind to yourself Steve. I think we’re the only motherfuckers that judge ourselves so harshly. It’s terrible. Once through the veil…man there’s no one giving you shit. Why do we do it to ourselves?

  20. avatar
    skyintheairwaves | 23 February 2011 at 9:16 am #

    all prayers in your direction.

    Heal, brother…

  21. avatar
    thesandbox | 23 February 2011 at 9:35 am #

    Steve, I have been following the blogs for the last couple of months as this tour approached and have noted a lot of great insight, gratitude and discouragement, love of life and loneliness, hope and fear, and a lot of heart. As a musician (keys) we all know where music can take us. For about 7 years I had the privilege of of writing with none other then an Aussie from Perth (who also re: chicago blog…was homeless for a time and now works with them on a daily basis) that culminated with an album I produced and recorded for our band…Eight Days Later. Most of the songs came from many of the things you speak of so I thought I might share those with you. I hope you find some encouragement and strength through them as I know many others in the last couple of years have as well.

    http://www.eightdayslater.com/music.html

    The ones I hear in you are…8. Brave, 9. Shine, 11. High, 3.Hanging on a Lifetime, and the one I hopes speaks to you most…13. Jealous Heart
    All these songs were written for the broken….all of us…
    Matt
    http://www.sandboxproduction.com
    http://www.eightdayslater.com

  22. avatar
    princey | 23 February 2011 at 9:52 am #

    Hi sk, I had a feeling you’ve been caught up with your own “stuff” lately and too exausted to write etc, I hope somehow it all turns around for you and you don’t have to feel that “chaos” anymore 🙂 Don’t worry about neglecting us TTBers, the Church fiends on Facebook have been filling us in on all the happenings over there, and they all seem to have been “blown away” by the gigs, now you’ve left them all hungry for MORE!!!

    Take care sk and before you know it, you’ll be with your loved ones in Oz, back to a “normal” life once again (I think!)
    love always,
    Amanda

  23. avatar
    Jason (jmb066) | 23 February 2011 at 10:02 am #

    Steve,

    All I say is your not alone, dont worry about your post. Yes I have missed reading them but I hoped you were enjoying the tour so much you were just too busy. All that matters is what is right for you, I do belive you only live once and if you spend too much time questioning yourself you might go mad. I dont know what you are going through, I can only guess based on some of your prior post. If you need anything please let me know. Thank you so much for this last tour, it must be hard for you with personal issues and leavig your kids after they just got home. When you get home focus on your relationship with them and come here to talk to us when you have the time. We will be here for you when you need us, and when your ready to tell us your tale we will be here to listen and offer advice. In the meantime travel safe, deliver one more ourstanding performance and get home to those children. I am sure the passing of your friend has not helped, sometimes the passing of someone close makes us take stock of our own lives. You have given so much of yourself to us, I hope we can repay you somwhow, someway.

    Jason

  24. avatar
    thesandbox1 | 23 February 2011 at 10:06 am #

    Steve, I have been following the blogs for the last couple of months as this tour approached and have noted a lot of great insight, gratitude and discouragement, love of life and loneliness, hope and fear, and a lot of heart. As a musician (keys) we all know where music can take us. For about 7 years I had the privilege of of writing with none other then an Aussie from Perth (who also re: chicago blog…was homeless for a time and now works with them on a daily basis) that culminated with an album I produced and recorded for our band…Eight Days Later. Most of the songs came from many of the things you speak of so I thought I might share those with you. I hope you find some encouragement and strength through them as I know many others in the last couple of years have as well.

    http://www.eightdayslater.com/music.html

    The ones I hear in you are…8. Brave, 9. Shine, 11. High, 3.Hanging on a Lifetime, and the one I hopes speaks to you most…13. Jealous Heart
    All these songs were written for the broken….all of us…
    Matt
    http://www.sandboxproduction.com
    http://www.eightdayslater.com

  25. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 23 February 2011 at 11:01 am #

    The new Radiohead CD is average. No comparison to Untitled # 23. It does not compare to their “In Rainbows CD.” Nonetheless, the music critics in the UK like The Telegraph’s dreadful Neil McCormick will deify it !

  26. avatar
    souldeserter | 23 February 2011 at 11:01 am #

    I’m sad that you’re going through such pain right now. Listening to your music is a great solace in life.

  27. avatar
    Celeste | 23 February 2011 at 11:09 am #

    I started following the band around on the “Gold Afternoon Fix” tour & saw the Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, & at least 2 other shows. We actually met a few times on that tour, although I know you wouldn’t remember. (I had seen the band on the “Starfish” tour in San Antonio, TX thanks to a fake ID and a VERY understanding Mom.) Since then, I’ve seen every show in Philadelphia (except for last year) since the early to mid-90’s. I have to say last week’s show at the Troc was one of the best I’ve ever seen. Your band brings so much to so many people. (I actually had tears in my eyes when the intro to “Destination” was played.) I’m sorry to hear that there’s so much going on in your life. I don’t even know what to say. This is one of those times that words escape me completely. Please know that you and the band are so incredibly appreciated.

    • avatar
      thetimebeing | 24 February 2011 at 6:11 am #

      celeste thanks
      it means the orld to me that we’re still turning people on!
      thank you

  28. avatar
    JigSaw | 23 February 2011 at 12:05 pm #

    u sound exhausted bud…I hope u find rest and serenity soon. much love.

    JS

  29. avatar
    Lady Di | 23 February 2011 at 12:28 pm #

    Oh sk I wish I could do something to make the pain go away.
    Can only hope there’s something wonderful around the corner for you.
    A comforting hug is on its way.

    Love Di

  30. avatar
    mattyc | 23 February 2011 at 12:51 pm #

    Thanks for the great show in Foxboro,MA Steve. You were in excellent voice and the dialogue between Pete’s and Marty’s guitars was sublime. It amazed me that Tim was able to pound out such intricate rhythms for close to four hours!I’ve seen the band perform many times (since 1990), but this show was my favorite. I thoroughly enjoyed the old stuff, but, for me anyway, the new album was the highlight as your records just keep getting better and better. I commented to my wife , who accompanied me at the show, that this was a moment to treasure of talented artists performing at the top of their game. Highlights for me were Angel Street, which built in intensity and Anchorage, which I missed in your last tour, was just fantastic. I love that song! Plus I was able to purchase some of the CD’s that have been hard for me to locate such as Back with Two Beasts, Shriek, El Momento Siguente and the Dead Man’s Hand EP.Thanks for all of the great music. I hope all works out well for you and hope to see you in New England again soon!

  31. avatar
    MTF | 23 February 2011 at 1:00 pm #

    These times suck! Not sure what it is that has you feeling this way, but know that I feel your pain through your post. You have given me a pick-me-up so many times over through the years through the music, so here’s one back to you. Keep your chin up, it WILL get better. Here’s hoping it happens soon! Take care my friend.
    P.S. This tour was absolutely incredible!!!!! You seem to be raising the bar even higher every year!!!

  32. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 February 2011 at 1:05 pm #

    hold closer to your own truth – there’s so much of it and that will allow letting go of some stupid badge shouted through an echo into darkness from some sideline. it’s an idea that follows into the future; skipping the present until tomorrow is okay as long as truth, no matter how confusing it seems today, is accepted and becomes a not troubled memory to be told in tale. gentle, fabulous, shocking, wise, explosive, unending — all are synonymous with each other and all are truth. just a thought… it seems that way, at least.

    safe travels home to all.

  33. avatar
    caitbrid | 23 February 2011 at 2:52 pm #

    Hard to reply to this except to say that I know things are never ever easy for some of us. Life used to be nasty, brutish and short and now it’s nasty, brutish and long. I hope things get easier for you. I will pray for you–that’s all we can do for most people. I hope you got a CD from Tiare in Philly and that it played for you. Thanks for the tour–recover soon!

    Kathleen in Philly

    • avatar
      caitbrid | 25 February 2011 at 1:33 pm #

      p.s. if you got the CD there’s a song on it I wrote for you 20 years ago–maybe it would cheer you up a tiny bit

  34. avatar
    Lisa | 23 February 2011 at 3:45 pm #

    I was driving in my car this evening thinking about what I could say to help you feel better. Frank Sinatra’s “That’s Life” came on the radio and I really listened to the lyrics. It just struck me as fitting for where you are at so… go ahead, give it a listen! Safe travels tomorrow back to your lovely children. Thank you for visiting the U.S. and virtually taking us along for the ride! Personally, I wouldn’t care for the long drives in the black van day in day out neither. Sending you a heartfelt hug in hopes that you will find your way again.

  35. avatar
    jacko | 23 February 2011 at 3:53 pm #

    Killer
    I’m sorry you are experiencing such a hard time in your personal life. The Band was absolutely amazing on this tour catching y=you in LA and SF.The fans were truly rhapsodized by the standout performances and I hope you realize how magnificent this tour was.
    Having said all that you sound in real pain and as a dad and a husband, i can understand that sometimes we screw up even when we do our best and our worst.Be straight with your young uns as they will want to love you if you square it up with them. They dont need all the details but need to know that all is good with Dad even though he an Mom are not together.
    The kids were away for most of your summer and you didn’t have much time before the tour.Make em pancakes and smoothies when you get home spoil them with time and these sad dark moments will dissipate.

    Your music is a constant inspiration to all of us
    Let our kind thoughts into your life mate
    Cheers Jacko

  36. avatar
    Tracey | 23 February 2011 at 4:23 pm #

    Dear Steve, when you’ve entered my thoughts over the past few days, grief and loss comes up. dunno, just sharing and sending you my compassion and empathy for whatever is troubling you. unethical of me to suggest we explore whats going on in a gestalt psychotherapeutic methodology context but I can put you in touch with someone in sydney, if you wish. support is good. namaste x

  37. avatar
    Starflower | 23 February 2011 at 5:13 pm #

    random quote
    ‘Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim.’
    – Dori from Finding Nemo.
    Homeward bound now Steve. The tour has been a huge success. You’ve done your job. Immerse yourself in that beloved ocean. Remember, You Are Loved. All is Well.
    Starly x x x

  38. avatar
    Elvis | 23 February 2011 at 5:24 pm #

    Hang in there Big Guy, only time will heal all wounds! You take it easy there and yelp one last one out for good ole Elvis! All will be fine, everyone has there day of darkness.

  39. avatar
    Gavin L | 23 February 2011 at 6:00 pm #

    Steve, I feel a darkness in my soul right now. I just want the pain to go away. But I was selfish and I made a mistake. I didn’t cheat, but I told a lie and now my world is coming apart. I deserve this. May light return to your world soon.

    Best,

    Gavin

    • avatar
      thetimebeing | 24 February 2011 at 6:06 am #

      gav
      lies……eh???!
      man i hope that darkness clears
      we are all liars
      and the lies are killing all of us
      sk

      • avatar
        Narelle | 25 February 2011 at 8:03 pm #

        Hello Steve
        ‘we are all liars’…don’t quite get it…food for thought
        its so good to hear that you will be home soon, safe and sound
        take care

  40. avatar
    Heather daydream | 23 February 2011 at 8:17 pm #

    embrace it …and plunge in

  41. avatar
    andy | 23 February 2011 at 8:43 pm #

    ‘the ever-popular tortured artist effect’……
    todd knew it well, and so do you steve.
    my very best to you,
    you are my friend, mentor, and idol.
    much love and affection,
    andy.

  42. avatar
    not a rock, not an island | 23 February 2011 at 8:50 pm #

    of course no one knows exactly what you’re feeling
    of course no one knows the whole story
    but that doesn’t mean there aren’t lots of people
    lots
    who know something like what you’re feeling
    who’ve been through something like what you’ve been through
    ferr chrissake Steve, talk to someone

  43. avatar
    captain mission | 23 February 2011 at 9:30 pm #

    oh steve, what ever is going down, you take it easy man. come home, surf, get some sunshine in your bones and take some time to find yourself again, my place is always here for you if you need it.
    i know what ya mean about loosing your moral compass, but your heart will guide you, just allow yourself space to tune in to it. i’m off for a month, come and chill out, read, swim and nurture your spirit.
    you took a huge hit, it’s gonna take a little time to work it all out.
    be safe man.
    love you
    cm

    • avatar
      thetimebeing | 24 February 2011 at 6:03 am #

      i love you mission
      youre the real deal
      wish you could meet shaman ron!
      you n he’d hit it off real good

      • avatar
        Shaman Ron | 25 February 2011 at 6:08 am #

        Saw this post.

        @ Captain Mission from Steve’s words, maybe some day will we should cross paths…
        Sounds like you and I have familiar souls.

        Steve,

        If you ever need some ethereal friendship, shoot me a message! I will meet you in the other days and frames of thought. We can dance with the old souls and remember times long past.

        Cheers,
        Shaman Ron

        • avatar
          thetimebeing | 25 February 2011 at 4:08 pm #

          you n mission would get on like a house on fire!
          all hail pan!

          • avatar
            captain mission | 25 February 2011 at 10:32 pm #

            hi shaman ron.
            i guess our paths have crossed now?
            ever get to sydney look me up.
            thanks steve.
            hail you.

  44. avatar
    DavidP | 23 February 2011 at 10:01 pm #

    I got some idea of some of that chaos
    some of it self inflicted I think
    some of it external circumstances and external forces
    some of it internal forces currently beyond your control
    some of it a vicious cycle pendulum swing between pleasure and pain
    chaos can be turned into order
    if we put the Work in to it
    God helps those who help themselves they say
    you got some of that help when you were clean last year
    I hope whatever yearning there is within you propels you to take the steps
    you need to take to turn that internal chaos in to order
    to get off that infernal pendulum swing
    cos it seems you can see what needs to change for the better, the writing is on the wall, your own writing on yer blog and fb
    why do I care?
    because I can see some of myself in all of that chaos
    and cos I know there is some good in you
    safe travels dear journeyman

  45. avatar
    Rich | 23 February 2011 at 10:18 pm #

    Wow Steve, whatever happened it seems to have affected you greatly. Soon you will be back with NK and the girls in Bondi so take comfort in that. In the meantime we will all send positive vibes and much love your way.

    Thanks for NYC, Highline. AMAZING night, as usual.

    See you again soon, safe journeys my friend.

  46. avatar
    Georgia | 23 February 2011 at 10:31 pm #

    Dearest Steven,

    Whatever it is that is causing you such agony….just know…..you are a good person who is dealing with some of the tough cards that life sometimes hands to us. You are lovely. Kind. Generous. Yet, as I met you for the first time last week-and there is no doubt, something difficult is weighing on your soul….and even though you saw it coming, sometimes there is nothing you can do to stop it…….I just wish I could protect you…instead, my heart just goes out to you….

    I wish you peace and speedy and satisfactory resolution you dear dear man……

    and….FORGIVE yourself.
    xoxo

  47. avatar
    lisa k | 23 February 2011 at 10:53 pm #

    I know your life has been one huge storm over the past few months, with wind and sleet blowing in from everywhere. You must be sick of trudging through it. You must be exhausted.
    I was lucky enough to have been sitting at the table in front of you (with George and Patty, who were so funny and sweet) at the Massachusetts show. You looked and sounded amazingly gorgeous. The Church was -as always- incredible and as I looked around and listened to what everyone was saying all I could see and hear was TOTAL happiness and excitement. I nearly bumped into someone that I recognized between sets -even smiled at eachother- and I was really, really hopeful that maybe things in your life would be ok now…so I am so sorry to read this post and to know how lost you feel.
    You are probably on your way home to your 3 sweet beautiful girls as I write this. Thank you so much for this tour, and all the beautiful energy that you gave us. Sending you lots and lots of love. xo,lisa

  48. avatar
    Zuma | 23 February 2011 at 11:01 pm #

    travel safe sweet prince, stay golden pony boy, we are all proud of you and the mates, thanks for your generous visit to america

  49. avatar
    Wilfred Paradise | 23 February 2011 at 11:03 pm #

    SK11:

    I think what you’re saying is that your tour was way too short. And I agree. Man, you absolutely light up on stage, you feed off of it, and then your band feeds off of you, especially as the american crowds are growing (your 4th american tour in a row is paying dividends, the band is back, the fans are back). I saw the Greenville show, and man, all those fans wanted to drive to Atlanta to see the new show, but most of us couldn’t keep driving, and you left us empty too. How about another time around, what’s the rush to get back home? what’s the rush? how about another spin?

    All best, when’s the double album coming, surely the band’s creativity has been welling the last 3 years?

    Please come back next year. There is no reason to ever stop, as long as your enjoy it. There is a reason dylan stays on the road, and hell, he’ll be 70 come spring.

    enjoy, enjoy, maybe “north” carolina next time? And maybe 30 other places?

    Wilfred Paradise

  50. avatar
    Wizard | 23 February 2011 at 11:04 pm #

    you are the magician of the spirits, a paradox to me

  51. avatar
    Cocoamo | 23 February 2011 at 11:18 pm #

    The end of a tour always creates a gaping void, an unspeakable exhaustion mentally and physically, and the culture shock of trying to readjust to some kind of new normal existance. Expect a mental challenge and try to be proactive in planning how to cope.

    I heard a saying for the first time the other day – maybe you all have heard it, but so true – “It’s all over now but the crying”. Sigh…

    We hope you will remember to use the magic words to push out the negative thoughts that invade. We know the magic words are silly. You don’t have to believe them. Just repeat and let them work.

    We just hope all is well with your reuniting with your children. That is really the priority of course, and therein lies the salve for your wounds. Swim, paint, cuddle with the girls.

    Be kind to your poor self. You are good. You deserve to be happy. Forget all the rest; it doesn’t matter. We have such few short years left. Savor every golden drop of joy you can. There will always be people who fuss and make life hard. That’s their problem, not yours. Don’t let them make their problem your problem. Turn away from them and ignore them as best you can. Surround yourself with those who are loving and supportive.

    Good Luck.

    Your Friend in Pennsylvania
    (Now in Cocoa Beach)

  52. avatar
    ted_in_atlanta | 24 February 2011 at 1:14 am #

    By god what a great gorgeous show. (heard you were on tour via iTunes WNYC/NPR’s Soundcheck) Thanks for coming back through our lil’ town with the full-blown electric version, it was just spectacular. Peace.

  53. avatar
    Bill | 24 February 2011 at 2:27 am #

    Steve – You beat the gear ten years ago. Access that strength to get through this hardship. You can’t lose.
    Good luck and safe voyage back to Bondi. Bill

  54. avatar
    george | 24 February 2011 at 3:01 am #

    hang in/fly home/take it easy on yourself/it’s hard for all of us/but we all make it better for someone/what’re you supposed to do about life as it hurls itself at you/and if the little guy in greenville who policed the place made you feel strange/he tried the same on me/but i saw him coming/all the way up his yellowbrickroad/fuckhim~love you/g

  55. avatar
    george | 24 February 2011 at 3:27 am #

    ..and a compass does’nt always point the right way friend,and the right ways always changing.our insides never change,i think,just our armor.our ghosts remain intact.love stays unmoved,never scared..the most common element in our bloodstream~lonely.how is that?
    together,we’re all alone.
    i feel better when i know where home is.
    sometimes it’s changing too..
    and the chaos..there’s got to be peace in that,when i find it,it dissapears again too.
    that’s the comfort it offers,nothing else.
    keeps us going,i believe.
    i know.
    xo

  56. avatar
    Shaman Ron | 24 February 2011 at 3:49 am #

    Oh Mr. Kilbey,

    I do super thank you and the band for again coming back to DC so soon after the summer tour. You guys rocked!

    Great conversations and introspective moments.

    Have safe flight home and come back soon!

    io io,
    Shaman Ron

  57. avatar
    george | 24 February 2011 at 3:57 am #

    know what i mean?

  58. avatar
    diane | 24 February 2011 at 4:27 am #

    dear sk,
    sending good thoughts and love …
    diane xo
    boulder
    p.s. hope to see you in Colorado next time.

    • avatar
      Craig Miller | 24 February 2011 at 5:44 pm #

      Indeed. Boulder’s got some nice venues that would be great to see you guys at.

  59. avatar
    jerryj | 24 February 2011 at 7:20 am #

    SK –

    These thoughts you express, feeling disconnected, lost, continually uneasy and followed by a nagging sense of foreboding – they have long been mine. Perhaps why I follow you from my humble little existence. I can’t ever shake the shadows that surround me, the ghosts that haunt me.

    But, Atlanta – a heartfelt thank you for returning to this town and performing the majestic Priest=Aura, as well as Starfish & U23 in their flowing entirety. You are the Magus, Magician among us Spirits, creator of words and sounds that made the roof fly off of Variety Playhouse. So, so glad to get the reissued P=A with lyric sheet – a tremendous help with some mis-heard lyric bits. This album belongs in the Pantheon of great rock albums.

    I hope your personal situation improves, and some measure of happiness and calm will be yours soon. Mine revolves around my son, who is making progress. I see the sadness in everything though, and vacillate constantly between emotional magnetic poles; a magnetic strip. Here I was offering encouragement – and I do. May the Chaos diminish and happiness be recovered.

    Thanks so much for making the great effort to undertake the tour, create the music, endure the sleep-deprivation and fatigue to come see us that follow you and the band. Magnificent night of Magik and Majesty. Transformative. Memorable.

    JJ in Atlanta

  60. avatar
    jeanz | 24 February 2011 at 7:53 am #

    Steve…I honestly really hope things get better for you
    take care

  61. avatar
    Shawn | 24 February 2011 at 9:24 am #

    It was really great to see you in Atlanta last night – I drove 90 minutes after a terrible day, and what’s been an absolutely crushing week. This was my 9th or 10th Church show (I’ve lost count) since first seeing you live in 1999 – seen every American tour since then.

    The show was a beacon of solace for sure. I hope you know – your resolve and strength continue to be an inspiration to me and many others.

    I can say the band were in top form and lots of folks around the venue were very excited to see you all – a lot more than usual I would say. The stuff off of U 23 sounded particularly vital. Great to hear P=A in its entirety after so many years.

    I imagine you noticed – the large venue nearly full. A fantastic turnout for a Tuesday night.

  62. avatar
    mattyc | 24 February 2011 at 10:36 am #

    …and with the pain comes healing, and time, and scars on scars, and time, but we all move forward don’t we, new memories layered over old… and time

  63. avatar
    Christina | 24 February 2011 at 10:54 am #

    Sorry to hear you’re in such a dark place of disillusionment and emotional desolation at the moment, Steve.
    Whatever you’re going through ,I really hope things work out for you in the end … just hope it doesn’t turn into a custody battle over your beautiful girls…

  64. avatar
    veleska1970 | 24 February 2011 at 11:10 am #

    i’m sorry you’re going through a rough patch. i always wish the very best for you.

    lotza love and hugs……

  65. avatar
    Donna | 24 February 2011 at 11:19 am #

    Steve, I left a huge comment here yesterday, and it just “disappeared” – I have no clue what I did… Was waiting to see if you got it. Looks like you didn’t.

    Thank you so much for the absolutely incredible show in Foxboro (or “Boston”, as you like to say). This was my first Church concert. I loved every minute of it and didn’t want it to end. As another reader commented, hearing these songs played live gave me a new appreciation for some of them – especially Dome, Deadman’s Hand and Space Savior. My friend and I were sitting way over on your right, surrounded by devoted Church fans…they were really cool and it was fun hanging out with them. They had all seen you numerous times and agreed that the band played better than ever. I have been really disappointed when I’ve seen other bands play live, but you guys sounded even better.

    I’m sorry to read that you’ve been feeling anxious and sad. As you played, you seemed like you were getting down to business, having so much material to cover and not enough time to interact with the audience. We all loved you. I got a kick out of that one guy who kept shouting, “Tell us a story!”
    Anyway, you were professional, gracious and witty….you guys rocked. Thanks again. Reading your blog makes me realize that this has been such a challenging time for you. I hope everything falls into place for you. You’re very strong.

    Hope you come back! Pass it on that I loved watching/listening to Tim – he’s FANTASTIC. Also loved seeing Marty belt out Spark, and Pete sing A New Season. The best concert!!! Love, Donna

  66. avatar
    Aperus | 24 February 2011 at 1:27 pm #

    This will probably sound trite and stupid and you have probably tried it all already. But, this is the best I’ve got.

    When my marriage crashed and burned 14 years ago I was in incredible emotional pain. Additionally, I did not deal with my Mom’s death when I was married – there was too much chaos around for me to process. So when the marriage ended, there were two losses to deal with. My friends kept urging me to seek help. I was wearing blinders, acted stoic and thought I didn’t need anyone’s help. I was wrong. I found a counselor that showed profound unconditional love, I went through a 4 month “Coping With Divorce” support group – twice! I started meditating every day and went to three meditation groups a week to help process the grief in a healthy way. Being around people who were trying to be real and find deeper meaning on a regular basis started to fill the long stretches of alone time. For the first time in my adult life I felt inspired by others.

    You don’t know me, but if I was your friend I’d urge you to find some way to process what’s happening, that gets you some support and helps you move forward without falling backwards into old patterns of being. If you’ve fallen backwards – ok, you are still loved. But I implore – love yourself enough where you’re at (cuz you are worthy of love) to get support! Stand up and try again!!!

    I hope you get through this – the world is a better place with you in it!

    • avatar
      not a rock, not an island | 25 February 2011 at 9:01 pm #

      nice words

  67. avatar
    KLH | 24 February 2011 at 1:50 pm #

    Must be something in the air, because as it happens my world is coming apart right now.

    It’s hard to know what to do sometimes, all we can do is hold on to whatever broken compass we have.

  68. avatar
    Dave A | 24 February 2011 at 1:59 pm #

    If more people dealt wtih their doubts, vulnerability and uncertainty as openly and honestly as you do, the world would be a much better place. Your talent has been a great gift to so many of us and as you can see from the posts, there is much concern about your current state of mind. And when I’m sad…
    I slide.

  69. avatar
    farmboy | 24 February 2011 at 2:01 pm #

    Q: But surely the gods are just?
    A: Heavens no, my child! Whatever would become of us if they were?

    Not sure if that’s the exact lines, but close enough — from Lewis’s reworking of the Cupid and Psyche myth “Till We Have Faces”. Beautiful exploration of human perception and delusion.

    I know you are hurting and my heart goes out to you. Cling tightly to your girls, your family, your truest friends. Immerse yourself in their presence. Take in all the love they can give. Absorb any lumps they deem necessary, but stay close to them now. No injury is so grievous that it can’t be made even worse, so stop, level and start making things better. Whatever damage has been done to their sense of home can be mended with love and care and attention. Scars and memories fade and time changes everything.

    Focus on mercy and forgiveness — letting it out and letting it in. We can’t earn either of them, but that shouldn’t stop the striving. They are the only means of existence, persistence in a world that no one leaves without getting their hands muddy. And trust that one day we shall be fully known.

    Until then,
    with fear and trembling,
    jason/farmboy

    • avatar
      Donna | 26 February 2011 at 3:25 am #

      This is a beautiful response, Jason.

  70. avatar
    david | 24 February 2011 at 4:23 pm #

    empathy forbids me .

  71. avatar
    aisatsu | 24 February 2011 at 4:52 pm #

    You are loved much. May it carry you safely home after Atlanta.

  72. avatar
    Rob Yellin | 24 February 2011 at 5:00 pm #

    Steve, For what it’s worth, you being in the world makes it a whole bunch better and for that I know all of us ‘here’ are very grateful. The infinite sadness, I try too to let it go amongst all this beauty that abounds. Your songs-tunes-hotel videos(!) bring beauty into my life, and for that I thank you. Ever in Japan, a mountain hot spring and ancient temple awaits….rock on.

  73. avatar
    davem | 24 February 2011 at 5:25 pm #

    Thinking of you.
    Stay safe.
    x

  74. avatar
    eekie | 24 February 2011 at 5:26 pm #

    Do not give up, Steven.
    No, it won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.
    Hope and love and a great deal of determination.
    This will not be a tragedy.

    With much love,
    eekie

  75. avatar
    Karen | 24 February 2011 at 6:30 pm #

    Im not wise Ive lived for nearly 47 yrs I still make mistakes I still get scared & lonely .. so I dont know if I can say anything helpful really … I know panic attacks I know anxiety
    I also know there are people who truly care for me and believe In me and love me
    you have that too ..your good friends and family your children
    and your fans..
    your words blow me away I love your poetry.. your art, music your honesty your humour… you draw people to you
    we care in here
    safe trip home to Oz the weather is beautiful here now.. I love autumn

    like some one else said hug your girls and keep swimming !

  76. avatar
    SAW | 24 February 2011 at 6:43 pm #

    I wish I could do for you, what you have done for me: crack windows, open doors, break down walls, allow me to hum along, encourage me cry out, part the skies—then bring back the clouds like a comforting blanket… but all I’ve got right now for you is a nimble little comment, trust in your love. SAW

  77. avatar
    neptune | 24 February 2011 at 6:57 pm #

    I promise, in a few days you will feel better, and in a few more by getting back to your routine and family, you will feel even better. I try to remember that depression is a tool of the devil — don’t give in.

    If you must cry, do so … get it out, and then move on. It’s the family thing to do.

    Life isn’t easy, in fact sometimes it’s a downright biatch. But we must always realize the the roller coaster goes up again.

    Hang tough, and prayers and best wishes to you.
    It’s gonna be ok, ya hear?!

    • avatar
      neptune | 24 February 2011 at 6:58 pm #

      ya see, I was upset that you were upset, and ya made me stutter 2 the’s. *sigh*

  78. avatar
    Christine | 24 February 2011 at 9:38 pm #

    Hey SK…all will be OK…there’s so much love and it’s comin’ your way…XXX

  79. avatar
    isolde | 24 February 2011 at 10:26 pm #

    i know i been there for a year or more nobody understands the panic they expect you to be able to talk normally and not be depressed even though your world, personality and everything is disintegrating and then from their world of non-panic they judge and call you names as if its not bad enough already so all you can do is turn and walk away into the void

  80. avatar
    Wilfred Paradise | 24 February 2011 at 11:27 pm #

    Steve:

    Come on back, man. Don’t go. Come on back, how about late summer? One more go round w/ your instruments? WParadise

  81. avatar
    queenhatshepsut | 25 February 2011 at 3:47 am #

    Steven,
    I woke up this morning and the first thing I thought of was that I dreamt the Church came back to my little city (L.A. haha) to play. I remember I stumbled upon the gig and walked in and you were singing and you walked off the little stage and over to me. I whispered in your ear “Everything will be O.K.”

    I think I was trying to reassure myself as much as you, ha. You’re most likely home now…I do hope you’re feeling a bit better and that you get to see those beautiful babies of yours.

    See, I do think of you…even in my dreams. ; )
    Love always,
    Denise xxoo

  82. avatar
    Paige | 25 February 2011 at 4:35 am #

    Just reading this. You’d never have known your panic on-stage in Atlanta. Have faith and don’t judge yourself so harshly. You remain, as always, in my prayers. <3

  83. avatar
    wanderlust55 | 25 February 2011 at 5:21 am #

    If I may quote a sage who has kept me strong during times of chaos: “Obsessed with the past, scared of the future. Never took the time to be here today.” Be here in this moment, look at all of the wonderful people and things that surround you, and find peace in that. Know that you have made a difference in so many lives with your words and your music. If you must, schedule a time and place for worry, then let it go… E

  84. avatar
    hellbound heart | 25 February 2011 at 6:15 am #

    life’s not easy………
    you damn well got that right
    love always…….

  85. avatar
    Once | 25 February 2011 at 8:27 am #

    Noticed today that my cynicism seems to have done a runner…must have left it at the bottom of some bottle…

    A couple folks on here suggested a therapist, less stigma here in the States on that than there used to be…I would humbly suggest a substance abuse counselor, though – even though you have triumphed over said abuse, if there’s still an affinity for substances (**raises hand**), or, equally important, if people in your life have one, it’s the best way to go – good n’ gritty, no couch-lying BS…as far as meds go, it’s more than likely that a serotonin imbalance is at play – cut to the chase, Effexor is the king of all corrective measures (again, f**k the stigma, it’s legal, anyway) takes the world from black n’ white to color in 3 weeks or so…contrary to popular opinion, it doesn’t mask personality – simply readjusts that which has been altered. Same with therapy, no one’s gonna brainwash ya, they just tell ya stuff you most likely already knew but couldn’t see. Pretty much a win-win.

    JMO – I’m not a professional, but I’ve studied all this stuff for years…one of the few areas in which I know I am 100% correct!

  86. avatar
    plumlady | 25 February 2011 at 9:04 am #

    All will be well eventually. You are such a talented soul and wonderful parent that you surely will overcome whatever obstacles in your personal life are eating at you. Love will find you, life will engulf you and in the end you always shine on. Glad to hear that you’re back home with the girls and that everyone in the states loved your shows. Relax, breathe and know that you have so much support from all of us who you may never meet but hold constant good thoughts for you….not too many folks can say that about themselves.

  87. avatar
    Ellen | 25 February 2011 at 9:09 am #

    Just want to send you a warm hug from Los Angeles and, once again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you SO very much for a fantastic show at El Rey earlier this month. Felt like ages ago.

    So sorry to hear you’re feeling lost and lonely. We all go through dark times, but you’re going to pull through just fine, Steve! Here’s a great big ((( HUG ))) for you…

  88. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 25 February 2011 at 10:55 am #

    Don’t give up on four legged friends SK. Many sages have even asserted that four=legged friends are more loyal and unconditional than most two legged ones. Morrissey crooned “My Life Is A succession of People Saying Goodbye.” He loves cats. When I’m down I love MOZ because misery loves company.

    • avatar
      dog man | 25 February 2011 at 9:09 pm #

      not surprised Moz is a lover of the feline
      reckon SK might be more of a dog sort of guy
      (a feline dog though)

  89. avatar
    Rob | 25 February 2011 at 11:13 am #

    My wife walked out when my business failed a few years ago, she took our golden retriever too. Since then, I have spent my time clawing my way back to some sort of economic stability. Not there yet but better than it was last year. My heart was broken, confidence shattered, I had so little left in my life, as close to homeless as I ever care to be.

    A few days ago, my ex had to euthanize our dog. He had cancer, he was 14. Our dog was our last link to any loving connection we had once shared. Now, that’s over. That night, I had a sort of vision. My dog was a puppy with a giant happy smile, a halo so bright all around him. He spoke to me, not in words that I could hear, but a message was received. He told me that he loved me and that he was giving me something in return for all the love I had sent his way. I was now free, my pain was now gone. I could now move on. I could start over again. Most importantly, I was now free to love, and to be loved again.

    Anything that hurts will eventually come to an end. Love makes that happen…

    • avatar
      neptune | 25 February 2011 at 6:14 pm #

      Rob, that is so sad. Sorry about your dog. I know if I lost mine, I would be lost also. It’s not like I have much family that I can talk to. I need to take better care of my baby pup, he’s been with me 10 yrs. now. I’m glad that you had this ‘vision’ and that it helped you. Sometimes that’s all it take is a sign such as that to keep us going.

      • avatar
        Rob | 28 February 2011 at 7:15 pm #

        Neptune,

        Thank you for your reply. Yes, do all you can for your baby pup. You don’t get a second chance. Every hour equals seven hours for them, every twenty four hour day is a week of their life…

    • avatar
      Lisa | 25 February 2011 at 7:18 pm #

      Rob I could hardly read through your post due to the tears. Issues have recently come up in my life revolving around loss & love. What a beautiful message. Thanks for sharing it – I needed to hear (read) it! Plus I love goldens 🙂

      • avatar
        Rob | 28 February 2011 at 7:58 pm #

        Hi Lisa,

        Wish I could post a photo or two of Gus. He was a good looking boy. Very sweet.

        I never had a say in the matter when we separated, as Gus was my ex wife’s dog as a puppy, two years before we met. Never expected that the hurt would be so deep or last so long. So odd, but really, so perfectly like Gus to be giving something back to me on the day that he left this world. I really feel much better now. He was a wonderfully compassionate creature.

        I never thought of my dog as a conduit, but I guess that all the love that we have put out there in the universe will eventually find it’s way back to us. What we can do in the meantime is to try and be as good to ourselves as we can, one day at a time.

        I send my very best wishes to you.

        Rob

    • avatar
      Donna | 26 February 2011 at 3:47 am #

      This got me a little choked up… sorry about your loss. I have a golden retriever, as well. He is THE BEST!! A few years back, we had to put our cat Isabelle to sleep. I cried buckets and still miss her. As Brien noted above, sometimes our 4-legged friends are better than our 2-legged ones.

      Hope things start looking up for you…

      • avatar
        Rob | 28 February 2011 at 8:17 pm #

        Donna,

        Please give your dog a warm hug for me.

        Thanks for your reply,

        Rob
        🙂

  90. avatar
    grenda | 25 February 2011 at 11:57 am #

    Oh Steven,

    Such despair and guilt. You sound like your grieving, my friend. Will always lend an ear should you need to unload. You know I’m a Therapist by trade, can’t promise to be bias because you know I hold you dear to my heart. Sending you lots of Love, sweet friend.

    g

    • avatar
      thetimebeing | 25 February 2011 at 4:04 pm #

      hey grenda
      didnt see you in la
      did you see our show?
      sk

      • avatar
        Grenda | 27 February 2011 at 5:22 am #

        Sadly no. Was hoping to catch up with you, it seems much has changed since we last spoke. Unfortunately, had to deal with a family emergency that evening relating to my father. You’re obviously hurting deeply, and I can only hope that you find some solace from the support and love of your fans/friends. Please let me know if there’s anything I can do.

        Love always,
        g

  91. avatar
    Ingrid | 25 February 2011 at 1:01 pm #

    Hey SK, stay positive, I’m sure things will start to look up – it’s got to go the other way too.

  92. avatar
    Crasher | 25 February 2011 at 5:49 pm #

    Welcome home Steve. I hope you find your head in a better space, surrounded by your babies and your extended family.
    Being a long time fan….my initiation was at the Herdsman in Perth in 1982,
    along with my heavily pregnant (then) wife. It was so loud she thought she was going to drop the boys (my twins Liam and Cullen going on 29 years) right there on the beer-soaked carpet.For Liam and Cullen it really was a hotel womb experience!
    I’ve stayed with your music ever since…got White Magic today in JB HI-FI..
    I’ve been devouring all the press and fan reviews , and spent hours watching live footage of your tour on You Tube. I’m so green with envy, I could be mistaken for a Martian.
    After an appropriate time of rest and regeneration it would be wonderful to see the 3 album show here in Oz.
    I’m coming up (or is it down ?) from Melbourne for the Opera house show.
    Best wishes and warm regards,
    Steve W.

  93. avatar
    a different man | 25 February 2011 at 10:39 pm #

    been thinking about the followers of your bloggie
    .
    this remarkable assortment of people
    (most of whom will only ever know you
    through your words, stories, music and pictures)
    who genuinely care about you
    .
    and I’ve been wondering why that might be
    and it’s only really explicable in terms of the fact that they love you
    .
    which is something that I think you understand
    because you seem to flutter in and out of that same feeling yourself
    .
    but being loved is not always enough is it?
    it doesn’t always come with the feeling of being liked
    which sometimes seems more important
    .
    and some of us aren’t as well set up in life to be liked as others
    no matter how many people love us
    circumstances, choices, needs, personality
    dumb fucking luck
    can make us not very good at friendship
    .
    having got to know you just a little
    I have more than once asked myself
    whether I like you
    .
    and I’ve come to realise that liking
    is mainly about understanding
    the more I believe I understand you
    the more I believe I like you
    .
    so, take heart
    old fart
    you are worth understanding

  94. avatar
    smoochgirl | 26 February 2011 at 5:23 am #

    I’m sorry to hear of your woes, but perhaps you’d feel better if you had added more shows in the southern region of the U.S., namely TEXAS!!! Of course, I’m picking on you and do wish you well as you recover from all the tour craziness and return to “normal”. I’m sick that I couldn’t make it to one of the shows on this tour. I’m sure they were awesome, once-in-a-lifetime shows. I really hope you guys consider coming back again soon. That is, if I don’t make it to Australia in this life time. Take care!

  95. avatar
    Ron Bonham | 26 February 2011 at 6:33 am #

    Hope. It’s come back to me after making the trip to NYC to see you guys, well worth the expense and travel. So tonite I get back behind the drums w/IL and start another chase at my dream.

    rB

    • avatar
      Lisa | 26 February 2011 at 7:47 am #

      So glad you have your hope back Ron, and dreams are always worth chasing!

  96. avatar
    Tim Bugbee | 26 February 2011 at 11:57 am #

    Steve, so sorry to hear of this dark cloud that’s drifted in…i thought that the Boston (er, Foxboro) show was tremendous, you and the lads just killed it through and through.

    photos/review of the show can be seen here:
    http://www.prefixmag.com/photos/the-church-showcase-live-foxborough-ma-picsreview/

    and thanks for convincing me to put off visiting the loo that night so I could see the searing version of “Reptile” and the rest of the set. 😀

    come back soon, your american fans already miss you.

  97. avatar
    Therese | 26 February 2011 at 12:20 pm #

    Hi Sk,

    Hope the sun is shining on you today. Sure getting back to the Bondi pool/beach will help pick you up a bit.
    So glad the tour was a HUGE SUCCESS!!! Hope it was filmed for a dvd.

    “Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
    And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was
    oftentimes filled with your tears”
    KAHIL GIBRAN

    “The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved”
    VICTOR HUGO
    That must surely have been written for you, loved by people all over the world. What a better world it is to have you in it.

    Hope the family are all well. Take care. Remember as a wise man who was dearly loved said when the hard times come “remember to keep on smilin”.
    I try heed those words when I’m down and out.

    Peace & love
    Therese

    p.s. Got the White Magic cd, congrats love it!! Would love to c you and Martin perform it live.

  98. avatar
    . | 26 February 2011 at 1:13 pm #

    my other post must have been lost in cyber space, wouldn’t you know
    no matter, for i have some other reflections on the atlanta show
    the church were in fine form with quite a few standouts that glowed
    anchorage, operetta, kings, and the disillusionist just to name some
    steve sang as a seasoned veteran, an artist & poet gliding across the stage
    playing bass with yoga precision, stretched to the floor, make no mistake
    his aura shown with the radiance of a true performer, so don’t hesitate
    to see him under the lights, in front of yearning crowd, captivating
    the disillusionist was by far my favorite, it reverberated, really great
    steve held the audience with his theatrics, musicality, love, and grace
    marty and peter interplaying telepathically, always together, never late
    tim is a light, a true percussionist…what a great addition, mate
    untitled #23 was storytelling at its finest, enough to make you quake
    in your weary bones, so much so that it transformed and elevated
    the spirit and soul towards something better, void of all that frustrates
    the last night of the tour, a wrap to an adventure across the ‘ol USA
    marty said they’ll be back in two years if you can wait
    “if the world is still here” added steve as they waived
    great show!

  99. avatar
    B.Bon | 26 February 2011 at 2:07 pm #

    Panic is no mans friend. I hope it leaves you be.

    I have no advice for you, but know there are many fellow travellers on the same road. You will turn off it soon enough, at exactly the right time.

    B.Bon

  100. avatar
    Richard | 26 February 2011 at 9:55 pm #

    I’ve noticed how many people have listed anchorage in their highlights of this tour
    if I had to pick just one song from #23
    (for the desert island church cd)
    I think it would be anchorage
    I’m not surprised it sounds great
    when you belt it out (anyway)


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