posted on June 7, 2007 at 7:44 am

yes
today the twillies turn 16
and in one month
they come to live in australia for one year
your children never turn out how you expect
they always gonna have good and bad surprises for ya
i never coulda predicted elli n minna
they are enigmas to me
always well behaved
polite friendly well spoken
they bring me nothing but pride….
why do i fear a darkness n a sadness
in each of them?
i just want them to be happy
but they are so finely tuned
being identical twins
its a new weird set of problems you never anticipated
for everyone that is
theres somebody else who looks just like you
but doesnt think like you
oh no no no
someone who was there with you in that most private place
the womb
as you 1st took shape
she was there
competing for food
cramping your cramped space
waking you up
kicking you with her new legs
feeling you move and sleep
the twillies came out a bit too soon
minna in particularly was a little underdone
well ok
its hard to believe now
seeing em in malmo
swanning around
i remember once
when they were about 6
me n elli n minna in a stockholm tube station
theres a poster on the wall for snow boarding
minna says oh daddy cant we do that?
i say well you gotta be a grown up to do that…
minna says cant you tell them we’re dwarves?
elli n minna used to like to play the “rough” game
this was basically chucking them at a sofa
that eventually collapsed from too much of that
elli n minna who liked a big bowl of guacomole for dinner
or baked beans on toast and semolina pudding
minna always wanted to walk to school
elli always wanted to take the tube
so we stand there everymorning
having same olde argy bargy
im not walking!
im not going in the tube!
the olde being caught between two diminutive swedish spitfires
and when they fought
they hit hard and without mercy
or kicked each other in the privates
or something like that
i remember once minna writhing about
like she was swimming on the floor
but all this only to each other
like being bound to your opposite
elli used to come with me more than minna
elli flew with me to spain once when i did a solo gig there
on ibiza
she was such good good company
a real companion
but in the end shes grown up very much like me
and strangely minna seems to spend more time with me now
i guess you could say shes more like her mother
anyway both the twills will be getting a bigger dose of me
when they live here
look they are not impressed that im “me”
no in fact maybe they over-compensate a little
theyre determined to be a little unimpressed
they are a bit aloof as it is…
what with their accents and all that…
while talking to sweden today
i also learned that carina
a friend
had died
talk about never had a chance
her father raped her from about 10 on
and his friends
at 13 she ran away n became a prostitute n junky
karin was given temporary guardianship of her
for a while in the early eighties
she was doing great
but the atrocities playing in her head were too much
she went thru a series of abusive brutes who beat her
she went in n out of jails n institutions
she was a dealer and she was hard n tough
when i got into the gear myself
ironically enough
when i lived in sweden
carina was a dealer to me
and i got to know her well
and she was not a person to fool with
she’d deck a man or a woman if she had to
and if you didnt have no money
she wasnt interested in yr sob story
i got to be kinda friends
with her boyfriend janne
who was also a dealer
and in their own way
they really loved each other
i went to a birthday party she threw for him
and all the people there
were junkies n whores n thieves n hard livin’ working class types
still the eight year olde canberra boy in me
looking out going
im in a restaurant on the outskirts of stockholm
its snowing outside
and all these weird sad twisted people
(hey me included!)
these people who didnt ever really have much chance
the abused
the ugly
the easily led
the foolish
the stupid
the painfully shy
the sick from birth n in constant agony
the criminal element
yeah i hung out with these types occaisionally
i drank pear cider n stuck snus in my mouth
(snus is a swedish oral tobacco snuff thing)
i talked my bad swedish
and i was justa sad olde washed up bloke from somewhere to em
then although carina had strictly forbidden it
janne gave me some dope cos i was broke n sick
and if anyone out there thinks sweden is some perfect paradise
i have penetrated this illusion
and come thru to a dark dark side
and i have seen it close up
and its compounded by the dark n cold
and the attitude of the govt n straights
anyway
carina died
of a heart infection brought on by a dirty hit
and it woulda been a terrible way to go
after a life of torment n sadness
of being locked up
and beaten up
anyway
no one can touch her now
i know she has found at least some peace
41 years old she was

happy birthday twillies
see ya later carina

51 Responses to “twilly birthday gemini double two face”

  1. avatar
    davem | 7 June 2007 at 8:53 am #

    I’m really pleased you’re going to have a year with the girls. Happy Birthday to ’em!!
    Sad story about your friend – thank God you’re still with us.
    Love you more,

    davem
    xx

  2. avatar
    Richard | 7 June 2007 at 9:24 am #

    Do you ever find that the real skill and effort in being a parent is LIKING your kids?

    Loving my two (12 and 10) is automatic for me. I would do anything (die if necessary) for them. I miss them when they’re away or I’m stuck at work. I worry like crazy when they’re sick or late home.

    But I HAVE to like them. I have no choice but to be their friend.

    It’s bloody hard work at times.

  3. avatar
    mave | 7 June 2007 at 9:54 am #

    god bless carina…

    thanks for sharing her story, sk

  4. avatar
    mattdavison | 7 June 2007 at 10:10 am #

    Those girls have an enchanting future Steven.

    And you are their spiritual guide..

    good prep for bumper & co.

    New Zealand canne wait to see you.

    I can bet the Church will be here after your NZ Test gigs…Caus we love the Crunch & we embrace good music in this creative little utopia…..

    Fuc the comments yest, Tim is the right man for the job. No doubts from me pal.

    just listen to par Universe. That’s all I gotta say

    M

  5. avatar
    mahatma kane jeeves | 7 June 2007 at 10:10 am #

    that was a fantastic piece of writing – you should do a weekly column in the paper – it was much better than aa fucking gill

  6. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 June 2007 at 10:19 am #

    your girls must be smashing!we geminis can be a handful ,but generally we are full to the brim with love for everything in this yummy universe..But…..seeming that its my bday tomorrow…i probably should refrain from singing the praises of gemini femmes…..for fear of showing off…an intercontinental happy birthday to them!!xx xx…peace ..to all who crave it..love to those who love…as always genx xxxxxx

  7. avatar
    fantasticandy | 7 June 2007 at 10:36 am #

    steve,
    so pleased it worked out with the girls.
    i’ve been waiting for months to hear about this.

    as usual,
    something wonderous/something sad.

    very empathic, non-judgemental stance on latter subject today.
    i’m so glad you managed to escape such a self-destructive subculture and even learn to like yourself a little more in the process.

    six girls, one boy, one house?
    one hell of a year!
    all the best,
    andy L.

  8. avatar
    12str | 7 June 2007 at 10:58 am #

    ah 2 swedish emancipated teens for 1 year…you will have a great time man!!;)
    happy for your sake…its f*****g hard to be away from your children.

    and my friend….you´ve got to write that book about your life in stockholm…i think that you´ve got the gift of expressing this inferno in writing…why not illustrate it yourself aswell..
    Kilbeys Inferno…descending through the different levels of hell in a paradiselike city..

    take care man

    pat

  9. avatar
    limebeaver | 7 June 2007 at 11:01 am #

    so glad to hear that you are finally going to NZ… I am sure there are many many fans there who are chuffed to hear of it. Now all they need is a Crunch tour…
    lucky lucky Oztralians we are

  10. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 June 2007 at 11:10 am #

    Damn, Steve, the twins are only 16 years old? The recent pictures led me to belive that they were 20-22 years old, and I was kind-a hoping to be your son-in-law. Thomas Thomsen, Denmark.

  11. avatar
    Christy Bassman | 7 June 2007 at 11:25 am #

    If the abused and lost had been fortunate to have a dad like you, Steve, the world would be a better place for so many …

    Happy birthday to the Twillies, and my condolences about Carina.

  12. avatar
    malcolm arkey | 7 June 2007 at 11:30 am #

    Thankyou for that story. In some ways, your best blog to date.

    I hope everyone here does not forget Carina or her story. The abused, the misused, the “ugly”, the “outsiders”, the “losers”…they are so easy to despise, to forget, to turn away from, to criticise. But how often do “normals” try to understand these “not like us” people ? Each of them has a story – a story which could have easily been yours.

    Steve, it’s interesting how your penchant for travelling this “weird old world” and for peristently taking the path less travelled led to scenarios such as this one:

    “karin was given temporary guardianship of her…
    …carina was a dealer to me”

    This would be funny if it weren’t so sad.

    And now that you’re off the hammer I will say I’m glad you spent time with “the junkies n whores n thieves” as it has made you a better person.

    To have empathy you first need first hand experience…

  13. avatar
    malcolm arkey | 7 June 2007 at 11:47 am #

    And a little song for today’s blog:
    ———————————–
    “Did Anyone Approach You ?”

    You never look up
    You never look back
    You never say anything based on fact
    Youve got issues going way back
    You never say ‘hi’
    You never say much
    You never make an effort to stay in touch
    Ive got this feeling something happened here
    Something happened here

    Did anybody feel you?
    Did anybody deal you?
    Did anybody make you do some things now?
    Did anyone approach you?
    Did anybody coach you?
    Did anybody tell you what to say now?
    Hopeless – its not hopeless
    Doubtful – but not hopeless at all

    You never looked up
    You never look back
    You never did anything in between
    Are things black and white with you
    You never believed
    You never belonged
    Never made milestones to call your own
    Ive got this feeling something happened here
    Something happened here

    Did anybody hide you?
    Did anybody fight you?
    Did anyone decide to do some harm now?
    Did anybody read you?
    Did anybody bleed you?
    Did anybody feed you lots of junk now?
    Hopeless – its not hopeless
    Doubtful – but not hopeless
    Hopeless – its not hopeless
    Doubtful – but not hopeless at all
    Hopeless – its not hopeless
    Doubtful – but not hopeless at all

    Something happened here
    Something happened here

    (A-Ha, lyrics by Pal Waaktar)
    ———————————-

  14. avatar
    Symon | 7 June 2007 at 1:06 pm #

    the very very best of life…
    and
    the very very worst of life…

    Joy beyond measure…..
    and
    sadness beyond measure….

    I know how you feel about elli and minna…I feel the same way about my daughter. Best feeling in the world i reckon.

  15. avatar
    ed in fl | 7 June 2007 at 1:33 pm #

    what a happy and sad tale today…such a proud father though.

    ed in fl

  16. avatar
    veleska1970 | 7 June 2007 at 1:35 pm #

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE TWILLIES!!!

    sorry about your friend. how tragic and sad. but you’re right~~she’s at peace now.

  17. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 June 2007 at 1:53 pm #

    How does one man deal with 6 women under the same roof? I hope you can get a larger place, though I think as long as there is 6 woman and one bloke the roof will never be big enough.

  18. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 June 2007 at 2:03 pm #

    happy birthday! all best wishes to you, pretty girls.
    16, what a beautiful age!!

    L.

  19. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 June 2007 at 2:15 pm #

    Happy Bithday girls!

    I have always thought it was amazing that our kids are were born just days apart.

    Damn, I miss my boy….

    Duane

  20. avatar
    Krissythegroupie | 7 June 2007 at 2:36 pm #

    Ahh 16..not a good age for family bonding. Good luck!

  21. avatar
    gareth,notts | 7 June 2007 at 3:01 pm #

    what a powerful blog,a tale of 2(3) childhoods,it does make you count your blessings,’there but for the grace of God……’p.s. it’s shaping up to be a good year for gigs,The Church-twice-best i’ve seen ’em!,INXS last night fantastic as always,MUSE for 2 nights at Wembley Stadium next weekend,which i’m sure will be jaw-dropping! and Puressence later in year……Steve,why not do a couple of solo gigs when you next come to the uk???

  22. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 June 2007 at 4:37 pm #

    yes, us Geminis love to the ends of the earth & back… loyal & annoying in equal doses… but twin Geminis – does that make for 4 since each is a twin by sign also?

  23. avatar
    dean9000 | 7 June 2007 at 4:51 pm #

    It will be fun to spend time with your older set…. as a father of twins I find myself watching them in almost a detached way sometimes… there little conversations so fluid and easy, it’s hard to explain and a definite contrast to my oldest…

    that’s a heavy story regarding your friend but thanks for sharing…i hope she is at peace now..

    it’s good to see you have the creative juices flowing…i love the excitement of creating as we continue to work on our own ep this summer…it’s incredibly fulfilling and a needed counter balance

    take care sk…

  24. avatar
    CSTCoach | 7 June 2007 at 5:09 pm #

    wow, great news that you’ll get your twillies year. 🙂

    i’m sorry to hear about your friend. i hope that by sharing her story here, some good may come of it. that the effect might ripple outwards.

    ryan

    – i’m a gemini too, btw, though not sure what it means

  25. avatar
    snowfaller | 7 June 2007 at 5:13 pm #

    Wow. Such highs and lows in life in the same blog. Wonderful writing as usual…

    Happy Birthday Twillies!

  26. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 June 2007 at 5:42 pm #

    Solo album!

    Paris Hilton is free!

    Truly these are wunderous tymes!

    theglynnisjohns

  27. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 June 2007 at 5:46 pm #

    Many thanks on another great one, from one proud father to another.
    I cannot ever imagine anything in life being more rewarding or fulfilling than being a father to a daughter. Sounds like you adore yours as much as I do mine.

    It is our legacy we leave behind.

  28. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 7 June 2007 at 6:09 pm #

    The story of your late friend Carina is evidence that external and internal demons can lead people to addiction for solace, comfort and escape. She was raped, battered and had no support system in her childhood years. On another note for Davem and other veggies I just read that Joss Stone has been vegetarian since birth and has never eaten the carcass of any animal or fish.

  29. avatar
    davem | 7 June 2007 at 6:17 pm #

    Cheers Brien.
    She’s gone up in my estimation….shame she’s doing that concert for Diana thingy. Yuck!!
    Snowfaller playing in my kitchen at the moment….effing brilliant. There isn’t another band in the world that have so much material a song of such magnitude and beauty couldn’t make it onto a “full release”.
    Love to all!!
    See you Aug 26 AndyL

    xx

  30. avatar
    Leelinau | 7 June 2007 at 7:12 pm #

    Wow, poor carina…I couldn’t begin to imagine. Poor thing, hope she’s happier now. b&L

    And I’m happy to say I’m officially a vegetarian again.
    umm…can one live on Ramen
    noodles alone? heheh…

    ^_^

  31. avatar
    matthew | 7 June 2007 at 7:57 pm #

    “minna says cant you tell them we’re dwarves?” wow, I laughed at that! Sounds like my daughter… who is also a great companion.

  32. avatar
    zebob | 7 June 2007 at 8:21 pm #

    Yeah, we geminis need to stick together.
    -z, trying to avoid the annoying thing this time through

  33. avatar
    knot | 7 June 2007 at 9:43 pm #

    just had my birthday also
    i am a twin 2
    but my twin is on a far away planet now
    wearing a hooded bathrobe
    looking for the letter “g”

  34. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 June 2007 at 10:11 pm #

    Sorry to hear about your friend sk, what a sad and horrible life she had. When you write stories of your heroin days sk, I sometimes find it hard to imagine that you were in the drug world like that…I suppose I should take off my “rose coloured glasses” shouldn’t I. I’m just so thankful that you’re off that stuff and a happy and content person at the moment…..who else would be looking forward to being a dad of five soon???? Are ya nuts????? (just kidding!!!!)

    Have a beautiful day.

    Love
    Amanda

  35. avatar
    mattdavison | 7 June 2007 at 10:14 pm #

    malcolm Arkey U legend!!

    Great song

    AHa fan fuccin tastic..

    Md

  36. avatar
    Anonymous | 7 June 2007 at 11:08 pm #

    “wearing a hooded bathrobe
    looking for the letter “g”

    Awesome phraseology^^

    Well, Sk
    God bless ur family
    twins are such a phenomenon..
    and boy does it go every which way when life stirs up all expectation
    Truth be told, when you love your children it goes a loooong way..
    You can rest easier, have faith..
    I have moments of (super imposition)?? with my parents all the time, more like, I utilize my parents mannerisms in such a natural way, very trippy,
    but man appreciate all of it Sk its what we can do while we’re here..
    and may your friend carina rest in peace..
    Ive lost two really bright stars to that needle there..
    What could there be thats stronger than the love? I would say..
    I cherish the memories even the lucid underbelly ones..
    Oh boy there are those bitter sunrises full of regrets,
    C’est la vie..
    happy to hear your back making a new batch of brew for the golden ones..

    take care sk,

    jaime r……………

  37. avatar
    wil-o | 8 June 2007 at 12:40 am #

    g’day Kil-O. Nice to know you’re reading.

    Funny about twins – my father is an identical twin, and he too is a Gemini. Next week he ticks over 76.

    Silly old beggers are fighting at the moment though – which is odd to see cos they know just how to get at each other. *sigh* I’ve told them to grow up and stop acting like children.

    love to all your lot
    Wil-O

  38. avatar
    knot tkn | 8 June 2007 at 12:43 am #

    thanks jaime r……….
    just had to pop in and say
    teenage girrlss are so loverly
    i was one once myself
    and oh the trouble you can make with
    a ouija board and pink shag carpet

    ha ha

  39. avatar
    Conjur | 8 June 2007 at 12:59 am #

    Steve, what a story. It’s tragedy and life in pure clarity. that’s the way it goes down on many street corners, in hidden opulent bedrooms and strange mixtures of scenes of living.

    I appreciate your candor and revelation. Brave and innocent.

    You make me think of my days not so proud, but nonetheless weird and omenic; the digs I stayed in never thinking I might not wake the next day – until now. the people, the places, this surreal, horrible, beautiful imagery. I remember lying in my car before a score, seeing these faces appear before my eyes crystalize. they were old and twisted, yet clearly realized in some part of my mind – or was it my mind? maybe it was the otherworld speaking – Salient, and crystal to me.

    thanks for sharing Steve. you are more than a character to me.

    Brian

  40. avatar
    melquiades | 8 June 2007 at 1:09 am #

    [the sound of a gemini raising both its’ hands]

  41. avatar
    melquiades | 8 June 2007 at 1:13 am #

    happy birthday Twillies 🙂

  42. avatar
    melquiades | 8 June 2007 at 1:29 am #

    June 11, 1972

  43. avatar
    Anonymous | 8 June 2007 at 1:32 am #

    Its my daughter, Jessica’s, 13th this weekend & she’s in one of those moods – she’s a true Gemini.
    Happy Birthday to yours.

    Dutch Pierre

  44. avatar
    Thelonious | 8 June 2007 at 2:14 am #

    lachrymose

  45. avatar
    lily was here | 8 June 2007 at 2:26 am #

    Happy sweet 16 twillies! i love baked beans on toast & semolina. Being an identical twin is unique and while it may seem a pain in the butt sometimes, it really is quite special.

    sk, kids keep you young yet make you feel old at the same time 🙂

    Children’s birthdays are for parents too, reminders of that special moment when the blue cross shows up 🙂 and shocks the livin’ daylights out of you, hee, to that surreal moment when you realise they’re old enough for car keys.

    Great to hear they’ll be back in oz! The ups and downs of life hey steve, so sorry to hear about Carina.

    sue
    x

  46. avatar
    therealMD | 8 June 2007 at 4:10 am #

    ??? a weird psyco is doing strange things around here…

    the real mattdavison

    http://www.obd.co.nz/mattdavison

  47. avatar
    the dean | 8 June 2007 at 4:13 am #

    young adults are unimpressed by just about everything their parents do, except their parents capacity to embarrass them.

  48. avatar
    eek | 8 June 2007 at 4:23 am #

    Happy Birthday to Elli and Minna!

    Steve, the stories you tell about your girls are so funny and yet very touching. It’s going to be quite a year for all of you. As for being unimpressed with you being “you” just think how creepy it would be if they were all fangirl about you. *shudder*

    Sad story of Carina. It reminds me a lot of my second cousin Cheryl who had a similar life (she did have emotional problems, I don’t think she was abused though) and death. I always found it most tragic that although those who knew her were very sad when she died, there was also a sense of relief that she would no longer be suffering. She was only in her mid 40’s when she died. I hope both Carina and Cheryl have found peace.

    And if the heart infection is what I think it is it is indeed very nasty. My mother (who had a damaged heart valve from rheumatic fever which put her in a higher risk group for such infections) had it twice. Massive doses of antibiotics, given intravenously on a strict schedule several times a day for several weeks works for the lucky ones (my mum was lucky both times, although it did take it’s toll), but if it’s not caught early or is a drug resistant strain it can wreak all sorts of havoc.

  49. avatar
    JJ | 8 June 2007 at 4:54 am #

    A profound and sad story, TB, about your friend Carina. I dated someone who was orphaned and abused as a young teenager; went from foster home to foster home, being raped – her name was Linda, and she was hard to get close to, always not far from where she’d been, difficult to hold….it ended. My younger brother was also an alcoholic junkie, but recovered now, at least trying to rebuild a life at an older age for doing that. He works hard. I was touched by your reminisces, and descriptions of Sweden with Carina; hope she has found peace, one of the vast forgotten ones.

    Elli and Minna – happy birthday to them, mine just turned 17 and it seems I hardly know him though we get along just fine. He doesn’t share his real thoughts or feelings, I was much the same. While being with my father in hospital for 3 days recently, he told me “you were always an enigma to me, always quiet.” We’re quite different. You truly cannot predict your children, and I wonder what the future holds for my son. I think about this often.

    Today’s blog has taken me away from this immediate time and place, has made me pause …poignant notes from a stark life diary.

    My best to the Twillies.

  50. avatar
    Anonymous | 8 June 2007 at 4:56 am #

    geminis are impressionists…obsessed by light,but aware of and intrigued by darkness…..these girls are lucky enough to have you as a father….i used to make grand observations,and have really intense questions,directed at my folks……there most common reactions were”gee,thats deep” or “you are a strange little thing,arent you?dont worry about things like that”…..typical gemini behaviour…I cant imagine you brushing your inquisitive girls off…and,hey,has their dad had any life experience?…I sometimes get an image of you,singing the “little girls”song,from “Annie”….you know,”some folks r dripping with diamonds…some folks are dripping with pearl….look at me…what am i drippin with……{berlesque…..BOOM BOOM}LITTLE GIRLS”…….love ,genx xxxxxxx

  51. avatar
    Sunshine | 8 June 2007 at 9:29 pm #

    SK,
    Happy birthday to your teen girls from yet another Gemini. Mine was Tuesday. 😀

    I read all the time, but don’t always have things to say in my comments. How could anyone expect anything but brilliance from as extravagant a gift horse such as yourself, Mr. K.?

    Love to you, the “fiendss” and the fambley,

    ~Sunshine


Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.