rainy cool morning in n bondi
the killers mind doth roam
people
places
events
things
reasons
results
music
and arguments
always lots of arguments
i always know what i want
but dont always know how to get it
i am a genius who has trouble explaining himself
people get sick of my imperious ways
they resent me
i spend half my time in arguments
they wanna cut off the golden gooseballs head
to see where he gets all them ideas
they couldnt just trust
they couldnt just follow
why kilbey why?
kilbey always try to say
just do it
if kilbey says just put black on red
somebody always had to say
why kilbey why?
and if i couldnt exactly say why
then off we’d go
a little argument
instead of trying the idea
i work better on my own
of course there are people
who are better at certain things than me
but the fuckin’ arguments are killing the killer
i always say kill bee, no honey
or is that an olde siamese saying…?
i really do want
one day
an exhibition where
i will supervise every detail
from the moment you walk in
every note
every word
every colour
will be my choice
if other people work on it
it will be strictly under my direction
there will be no explanations
if i wanna put a painting
say…a rococo portrait of simone polinski
n under that a poem about the soft summers in sardinia
while an electric guitar plays a backwards g# minor 13th chord
over a cut up loop of pj proby n byzantine choral
then
i dont wanna have to explain to anybody why
its just the way i feel it should be
oh god all the explaining ive had to do
inside n outside
no…not only have you gotta come up wiv the goods
you gotta explain it!
therein lie my character faults
i am impatient
i smirk (oh i hate that smirk)
i am forgetful
i disregard protocol
i smoke dope all the time n get silly
i change my mind
i
i
i
i dont wanna have to deal with myself
if its just me then i dont…….
there are certain things where i happily relinquish the reins
(the reigns!?)
theres a lot that i dont have a clue about
gladly i can be relieved of those burdens
i am a specialist
i been working towards that exhibition
i hope i’m someday gonna have
my whole life
40 years of bands equals forty years of arguments
40 years of waiting around
40 years of hedging yer bets
a lot of misplaced loyalties
a lot of fucking insults given n taken
yeah its lonely in the tower
but i bet its quiet
i blame myself
i shoulda been the strong silent type
like arnie swartza-nougat
JUST PLAY IT!
but no
i was the bickery sensitive eager-to-please type
i wanted to run the ship n have everyone like me
always i ended up with neither
even this very blogge
this whiny self praising self flagellating missive
the nadir of self obsession
reprinted here only because of my commitment to honesty
and giving myself a way to work my feelings out
i feel a mass of resentment n regret
i feel ive played my own hand badly
oh how i wish for one of them legendary manager types
who coulda taken care of my business for me
because fuck knows i’m useless at it
ive stumbled from one disaster to another
helpless as a new born chick
and with about as much effectiveness
a dear cohort once told me
i wasnt a songwriter
i was an idiot in a room with a tape recorder..
you see….aint it the truth…?
now i’m an idiot in a room with a laptop
ha ha
yes i am an idiot
yes i am a savant
sometimes they come in the same package
n you gotta take one with the other
but here i go again
explaining myself
instead of saying
heres my blog…read it or not
still tryin’ to keep it all explicable
thats the way i come off as despicable
actually i’m feeling a bit sick of myself today
despite having made some breakthrus
i’m still caught in the same old spin
the usual vortices
the same olde dilemmas
the weeks fly by
nearly chrimbo already
its a very trying time of the year
and n y e
got some gigs coming up
dec 22 in sydney …i’m looking forward to that
meanwhile
a rainy day
a teacher strike till 11.30
what are they striking for….better students?
my ears ring ring ring unlike the phone
russell rang yesterday
i answer the phone with “russell?”
he doesnt even say how do you know it was me?
(is that cos everyones used to a number display thingy?)
was that psi power?
anyway
yeah
go forth n multiply