posted on November 18, 2008 at 7:27 pm

rainy cool morning in n bondi
the killers mind doth roam
and arguments
always lots of arguments
i always know what i want
but dont always know how to get it
i am a genius who has trouble explaining himself
people get sick of my imperious ways
they resent me
i spend half my time in arguments
they wanna cut off the golden gooseballs head
to see where he gets all them ideas
they couldnt just trust
they couldnt just follow
why kilbey why?
kilbey always try to say
just do it
if kilbey says just put black on red
somebody always had to say
why kilbey why?
and if i couldnt exactly say why
then off we’d go
a little argument
instead of trying the idea
i work better on my own
of course there are people
who are better at certain things than me
but the fuckin’ arguments are killing the killer
i always say kill bee, no honey
or is that an olde siamese saying…?
i really do want
one day
an exhibition where
i will supervise every detail
from the moment you walk in
every note
every word
every colour
will be my choice
if other people work on it
it will be strictly under my direction
there will be no explanations
if i wanna put a painting
say…a rococo portrait of simone polinski
n under that a poem about the soft summers in sardinia
while an electric guitar plays a backwards g# minor 13th chord
over a cut up loop of pj proby n byzantine choral
i dont wanna have to explain to anybody why
its just the way i feel it should be
oh god all the explaining ive had to do
inside n outside
no…not only have you gotta come up wiv the goods
you gotta explain it!
therein lie my character faults
i am impatient
i smirk (oh i hate that smirk)
i am forgetful
i disregard protocol
i smoke dope all the time n get silly
i change my mind
i dont wanna have to deal with myself
if its just me then i dont…….
there are certain things where i happily relinquish the reins
(the reigns!?)
theres a lot that i dont have a clue about
gladly i can be relieved of those burdens
i am a specialist
i been working towards that exhibition
i hope i’m someday gonna have
my whole life
40 years of bands equals forty years of arguments
40 years of waiting around
40 years of hedging yer bets
a lot of misplaced loyalties
a lot of fucking insults given n taken
yeah its lonely in the tower
but i bet its quiet
i blame myself
i shoulda been the strong silent type
like arnie swartza-nougat
but no
i was the bickery sensitive eager-to-please type
i wanted to run the ship n have everyone like me
always i ended up with neither
even this very blogge
this whiny self praising self flagellating missive
the nadir of self obsession
reprinted here only because of my commitment to honesty
and giving myself a way to work my feelings out
i feel a mass of resentment n regret
i feel ive played my own hand badly
oh how i wish for one of them legendary manager types
who coulda taken care of my business for me
because fuck knows i’m useless at it
ive stumbled from one disaster to another
helpless as a new born chick
and with about as much effectiveness
a dear cohort once told me
i wasnt a songwriter
i was an idiot in a room with a tape recorder..
you see….aint it the truth…?
now i’m an idiot in a room with a laptop
ha ha
yes i am an idiot
yes i am a savant
sometimes they come in the same package
n you gotta take one with the other
but here i go again
explaining myself
instead of saying
heres my blog…read it or not
still tryin’ to keep it all explicable
thats the way i come off as despicable
actually i’m feeling a bit sick of myself today
despite having made some breakthrus
i’m still caught in the same old spin
the usual vortices
the same olde dilemmas
the weeks fly by
nearly chrimbo already
its a very trying time of the year
and n y e
got some gigs coming up
dec 22 in sydney …i’m looking forward to that
a rainy day
a teacher strike till 11.30
what are they striking for….better students?
my ears ring ring ring unlike the phone
russell rang yesterday
i answer the phone with “russell?”
he doesnt even say how do you know it was me?
(is that cos everyones used to a number display thingy?)
was that psi power?
go forth n multiply

29 Responses to “typo”

  1. avatar
    davem | 18 November 2008 at 8:58 pm #

    i believe in you

  2. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 18 November 2008 at 9:45 pm #

    go forth and multiply? don’t think so, got my in laws and their feral kids staying with me at the moment…enough to put me off spawning any more…come home from work this arvie and find what apocalypse has taken place in my house….groan…
    love always…..

  3. avatar
    ticktockclarice | 18 November 2008 at 9:58 pm #

    Hey there, Steve. I’m a looong time fan (of blog, music, et al, first time poster. I’m sorry you’re feeling a bit despondent today. You seemed pretty chipper the last week or so which was nice. As a fellow Virgo i understand though. Have been seeing a shrink for a while now and starting happy pills today because fed up with dealing with the paradoxes and frustrations of the critical, perfectionist Virgo nature. I too suck at the nuts and bolts of living in this materialistic, capitalist society, couldn’t construct a financial plan if i had a gun to my head, live with the haughty belief that i’m somehow “above” all that petty everyday “human” shit (i’m an “artiste” dammit!) yet kick myself daily that i don’t make a better go of it. All i want to say really is thank you so very much from the bottom of my heart for the honesty and candidness you bring to this blog. You put yourself up there, warts and all, and thank god you do. You know you’re helping people with this right? you know you’re touching lives and making a difference? That’s gotta make you feel a little better on the dark days. Case in point: i have now become a vegetarian after teetering on the brink for years due to your blog the other day. Yes, it was THAT powerful!and i’m sure i’m not the only one. You need to print that sucker out and send it to all the world leaders, Peter Garratt in particular. There are whaling ships leaving as we speak Peter! What happened to your fucking election promise?? You have also been inspiring me no end with your blogs about the creative process. I have got back into my writing more and have set up an area to paint in the corner of the kitchen after years of whining “there’s no room in this house!” I hope your girls know how lucky they are. Wish i had a dad like you growing up. Unfortunately i was a bit of a Lisa Simpson lumbered with a Homer. Anyway, that’s enough outta me (yes, we Virgos are kinda wordy too) When i write a bestseller, i’ll give you a big cut of the royalties so you can set up an exhibition any damn way you want to, no questions asked. You’re wasted on this Paris Hilton worshipping pack of phillistines. Again, thank you. Don’t worry if you’re sick of yourself coz the fiendss never will be!

  4. avatar
    CSTCoach | 18 November 2008 at 10:17 pm #

    always willing to ride along when the killa’s behind the wheel (long as you have your glasses on, that is)! Total artistic license. No questions asked, no explanations demanded, no “what did he mean by that bit” either. You’re the one artiste i trust will never steer me wrong. Tis why i will always continue to buy your stuff the moment it comes out. I may not know where it’s headed, but it always turns out to be a place i needed to go.

    i’d go forth and multiply, but i’ve always sucked at math…

    suppose i could always divide and conk her…

  5. avatar
    Azza | 18 November 2008 at 10:35 pm #

    No no no say it aint so!! No Melby painkiller gig!!! It was my life line!!
    It seems like years since you, or the church or any permutation of the above have done a gig in Melby as the headline act! Melbourne wants, nay, Melbourne demands more!
    Unless that is being too pushy in which case Melbourne would just really like a gig soon..

  6. avatar
    Anakki Mayhem | 18 November 2008 at 10:39 pm #

    "if i wanna put a painting
    say…a rococo portrait of simone polinski
    n under that a poem about the soft summers in sardinia
    while an electric guitar plays a backwards g# minor 13th chord
    over a cut up loop of pj proby n byzantine choral
    i dont wanna have to explain to anybody why
    its just the way i feel it should be"

    I'd love to see & hear that – what interesting juxtapositions! & I wouldn't want u to explain it to me & go spoiling my pleasure in experiencing it in my own way!
    & I LOVE PAINKILLER!!!!! It's on high rotation in my little convertible blasting loudly to the world as I drive along so that others can share in the enjoyment of those songs! 😀

  7. avatar
    fipster | 19 November 2008 at 12:29 am #

    Why not set up a virtual exhibit on-line. A lot could be done with html & scripting or Flash. Like this.

    Mike F.

  8. avatar
    Abel Tasker | 19 November 2008 at 1:07 am #

    I dunno Kilbey…a backwards g# minor 13th chord just doesn’t seem right…

  9. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 19 November 2008 at 2:17 am #

    The American media is already comparing Barry Obama to Abe Lincoln. Putting way too presssure on a young President-elect whose inheriting a mess.

    Painkiller has those great background atmospherics that added musical grandeur to the vintage 1992-2007 Church CDs.

  10. avatar
    ml68 | 19 November 2008 at 2:29 am #

    alright…three stores three strikes…will get painkiller eventually…

    “divide and conk her”? cstcoach, you’ve been thinking too much again…

  11. avatar
    steve kilbey | 19 November 2008 at 3:13 am #

    hey mike fip
    thats a great idea
    n thanks for the demo
    2 problems tho
    size , my man
    my new paintings are 2 by 3 feet
    how can i get that on the screen
    i’m gonna want it loud
    its gonna gotta be wraparound kilbey from beginning to end
    but hey mike
    gets my cogs cranking!

  12. avatar
    Melquiades | 19 November 2008 at 3:38 am #

    makes my heart hurt to see you in pain there SK. you’re so vulnerable and mountain strong. I love your words. they really cut right through..

    you’ve got it in spades
    The light can only be appreciated with a set of lonely clouds to ponder

  13. avatar
    The Other Mark | 19 November 2008 at 3:43 am #

    Hang in there Steve.
    Rainy Days And Mondays always
    get me down.

    Tampa, Fl

  14. avatar
    Melquiades | 19 November 2008 at 3:44 am #

    very nice trip Fip

  15. avatar
    CSTCoach | 19 November 2008 at 5:00 am #

    >"divide and conk her"? cstcoach, >you've been thinking too much >again…

    LOL – but i thought that was the action part??

  16. avatar
    lily was here | 19 November 2008 at 7:37 am #

    I know I know I know. You need a manager, a bloody genius one with love, time, patience and commitment.Fipster, that is brilliant! Can you do more? I had a dream of something like that not that long ago but no idea how or time to do it 🙁 The same dream I found you SK holding court in this beautiful underground cave that was lit up by glow worms (like in NZ’s waitomo caves) but when i put my hand in the swirling water at my feet it was silky and dry. Weird.

    Painkiller rocks!


  17. avatar
    fantasticandy | 19 November 2008 at 7:52 am #

    i never meant to get ya thinking this way!
    hey…jim always says to me:
    ‘never apologise, never explain,
    just DO’.’s a bloody great thrill to read TTB in the morning, it’s been a pleasure getting to ‘know’ you over the last three years or so.
    much love,
    andy L.

  18. avatar
    Jasperina | 19 November 2008 at 10:58 am #

    THE DARK AND THE LIGHT OF THE TIME BEING. I am vegetarian for almost 2 years because of some of your most powerful prose. Inspired and enlightened everyday by this blog…

  19. avatar
    ml68 | 19 November 2008 at 11:05 am #

    although I wholeheartedly agree in principle, im finding this salad diet hard work (after 3 days!!)…need to look up some vege cook books hey!! carrots and lettuce aint cutting the mustard rite now!! grrrr…

  20. avatar
    captain mission | 19 November 2008 at 11:29 am #

    wow mike, that was great. steve your work is just amazing, really quite amazing. sorry your hurting man, it will pass.

  21. avatar
    verdelay | 19 November 2008 at 12:43 pm #

    You see, the trouble with Total Creative Control is one of interest.

    If others have no stake in what you are doing, then interest in what you’re doing tends to shrink.

    Take your all-singing, all-dancing carnivale, for example. Cast of thousands. Lots of hangers-on; lots of jabber-jabber, talk-talk, buzzy buzz about what’s going on. Wide participation, wide interest. Stadium rock. Lighting designers. Liggers and Lurkers. Slurpers of the creative cream, but grist to the commercial mill; exposure; coverage. Lights, camera, Actaeon. The world’s biggest stag party, attended by all those flashy flashing media hounds….

    I’m not very good at big collaborative hoo-ha (e.g. working with another person), so I have shrunken down into a condensed stew of bubbling jus, confined to the yawning canyon of my own navel. I have Total Creative Control and almost no audience. The quintessential Australo-English Gentleman Artiste-cum-idiot in a bedroom with a tape recorder.

    What I do is probably just rubbish, but a little detail like that isn’t about to stop me.

    I work for my Lady, and if she ever released my from my bondage, I wouldn’t be free. I’d just out in the cold on my own.

    At least it’s warm in here. It’s as hot as hell.


  22. avatar
    restaurant mark | 19 November 2008 at 12:57 pm #

    hello everyone…
    i think the arguing thing is virgo related…we don’t think we’re being harsh sometimes and still get taken the wrong way. and then sometimes we are just being pissy. but anyway…don’t be too hard on yourself. any time you create with people there’s gonna be arguments…you know that. but sometimes those differences of opinions and having to listen and maybe go out of a comfort zone is what opens things up to brilliance. for both sides…

    take care everyone

  23. avatar
    matthew | 19 November 2008 at 2:57 pm #

    I still dream of that dream manager too… it’ll get better, SK.

  24. avatar
    John | 19 November 2008 at 4:06 pm #

    Just be prepared to take ALL of the blame should something go wrong.

    Something tells me you are capable of this.

    “go forth n multiply”


    John Garratt

  25. avatar
    sanfoin | 19 November 2008 at 7:08 pm #

    impatience, imperiousness, contention & contentiousness, all "argue" for an aries-type personality, or one strongly influenced by mars . . . we all know you're a virgo, steve, but some of us are beginning to wonder if you're not a martian too.

    how's that for a game of "pin the tail on the alpha male"?

  26. avatar
    steve kilbey | 19 November 2008 at 7:37 pm #

    i’m a alpha male and i’d like a beta woman

  27. avatar
    Grace | 19 November 2008 at 8:09 pm #

    I understand.
    Half a world and a lifetime away.
    I understand.

    Someone told me this a while ago and I hope it rings true for you as it did for me…

    “You matter.”


  28. avatar
    eek | 19 November 2008 at 8:51 pm #

    i really do want
    one day
    an exhibition where
    i will supervise every detail

    Hell, yeah you should do that! I think it would be amazing. It’s something that could be done too…it might take a little while to set up, but could be well worth the effort.

    a teacher strike till 11.30

    A half day long teacher’s strike — what the hell is that? I suppose it’s just long enough to disrupt things, but damn, once you’ve killed off half a day, you might as well live dangerously and strike for the rest of it too.

    yeah its lonely in the tower
    but i bet its quiet

    Aww… that’s kind of pitiful, but I have to admit I laughed too.

  29. avatar
    lily was here | 24 November 2008 at 12:22 pm #

    Keep coming back to those thoughts SK!


    ps eek, i think the half day could be because teachers here get paid a full day even if they only work a half day. Disruption with income?

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