posted on April 11, 2009 at 8:35 pm

jesus
i get up early
at the break of day
its warm and its drizzling
i pull on a mansuit from the wardrobe
i sit in my room
and i begin to type
god
the bible is such rubbish
who cares what the fucking chaldeans did?
this is the book that has guided western civ all this time?
a book of vengeance n tribalism n retribution
a vengeful jealous god who picks sides n changes his mind
a bunch of israelites running about
seizing this land n losing that
plenty of murder rape incest holocausts
gee jehovah
nice little world you created
no wonder countries go insane trying to follow it
the holy bible…wheres the holiness in killing everybody?
the book is complicated boring irrelevant ancient tripe
occasionally poetic
occasionally exciting
more than occasionally derivative (gilgamesh should sue!!)
occasionally inspiring
but mostly a catalog of the israelites triumphs n woes
some desert tribe a long time ago
doing n being done to…
yeah yeah
but somehow
when i was a child
and much more so
even before i was born
we were raised to believe that this was somehow OUR struggle
that the israelites really were gods chosen people
cos they put together some book of twaddle that tells us they are
WELL THEY CERTAINLY NEVER FUCKING ACT LIKE IT!!
proving to be as bloodthirsty n barbaric as all the rest
except they gotta new god who tells em its ok to do it
sometimes he orders the slaughters
men women children animals he says
n i’ll sort em out
we saw movies about moses n company
which were frightening horrendous inexplicable bursts of violence
who could ever fucking understand jehovah?
n who’d want to….?
jehovah nags moses
and moses nags the israelites
and the israelites
merrily fuck up and get fucked n fuck over the locals
they just turn up n requisition all yer milk n honey
ya see its ok if jehovahs on yer side
and this thinking has been employed by us westerners
particularly those speaking english n spanish n portugese
we done done a lotta harm in ole jehovahs name
blah blah blah
anyway it was inculcated into us
that the israelites tent god was our god
and that the israelites book of tribal laws n murder
was our “good” book too
WHERES THE FRICKIN’ GOODNESS IN IT???
go on pick it up
flick to any page other than the gospels n find some goodness
i dare ya!
but somehow we kinda believed that all this israelite stuff was important
and all their malarky had crept into our “culture”
with semi-holy connotations
eg some folksinger singing let my people go
or river jordan is chilly n wide ..hallelujah…
or by the rivers of babylon…..when we remember zion
etc etc
but what did it have to do with us?
and then
for a brief moment
the holy bible is illuminated by jesus
who does n says the very opposite of jehovah
whose s’posed to be his actual daddy
jehovah is wrathful n murderous
jesus is cool n kind
FORGIVE EM! he says
showing more fucking sense in his four gospels
than the rest of the bible all put together
but after the gospels
its back to fire n brimstone n apocalypso
when former murderer saul becomes paul
n takes up jesus’ cause
(with himself as the star prosecutor!!)
finally johnny somebody goes to a greek island
has too much of good time
and has a “vision” in a cave
of the horrible awful burning screaming rotten end of the world
complete with dragons, giant whores and angels blowing trumpets
(how quaint!)
how very jehovah
to create a such a wonderful ending for us
we all burn
except the ones who “believed”
what the fuck does that mean?
and isnt that a flimsy premise to burn us forever?
cos we didnae “believe”?
anyway
even poor old jesus c had to die in a spectacular grisly way
(and that was the plan?!)
jesus its a sorry story
most kids today dont have a clue what its all about
and theyre better off
no one i knew at any of my schools understood christianity
they paid lipservice to it
but no one understood it
or researched it
or challenged it seriously
sure there were atheistic kids
but no one ever really wondered what this book
this book we swear on n live n die by is all about
you should have a look
it will astound you
the utterly irrelevant nonsense of the measurements of this n that..
cubits,anyone?
the nastiness n sheer imperialism of the izzies
the capriciousness n sheer stupidity of jehovah
the loveliness of christ
the barbaric world they all lived in
the superstitious bullshit
that the preachers tried to ram down our throats
its all there
the bits nicky cave re-appropriated
the bits that bobby dylan nicked
all the misery n backstabbing n psalms
theres even a brief erotic interlude
so king solomon can write some naughty verse for sheba
poking his key thru the hole in her door
(ooohh mr humphreys!!!)
go on
read this book
its got sex n lust n murder n mayhem
what a story
what a joke
what an albatross to hang round our fucking necks
for 2000 years
jehovah?
dont make me laugh!

41 Responses to “waking early on a easter sunday….just before the cock…”

  1. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 April 2009 at 9:58 pm #

    hahahahaha…strike while the ironing is hot

  2. avatar
    the dean | 11 April 2009 at 9:59 pm #

    You certainly got up on the wrong side of the pulpit this morning.
    Fortunately or not Australians aren’t a particularly religious lot(he’s in the bible), most have never thought about or anything else for that matter.
    When I was a schoolboy I called the old testament the old tesicle – got the cane for that one. Amen

  3. avatar
    EDD | 11 April 2009 at 10:18 pm #

    I like my Jesus to party…..

  4. avatar
    esne snoner | 11 April 2009 at 10:22 pm #

    thanks for the biblical lesson sk – learnt more from that little rant than too many years being subjected to confusing lessons from confused sunday school teachers in my naive youth

    …and the title of today’s blog entry a succinct reference to a great line from a great song on a great album…which like a lot of music has more relevance to a lot of people these days than that book that continues to get so much reverential attention

    have a happy easter sunday

  5. avatar
    EDD | 11 April 2009 at 10:24 pm #

    How many geezers out there, Steve?

  6. avatar
    EDD | 11 April 2009 at 10:26 pm #

    “There are no jokes in the Bible, Keith…and it’s a cryin’ shame….”- Robyn Hitchcock

  7. avatar
    linjo | 11 April 2009 at 11:10 pm #

    Oooh Mr Humphries! you are awwful!
    Tears running down my face reading this one Steve, you are hilarious, the funniest blog since the one when you were mezmerised by the ‘voluptuous’ lass in the bikini at Bondi!
    Oh dear but what do we tell the little chilluns? I had to point out to Miss G whilst she watched thousands of soldiers drown when the sea came in again on ‘Prince of Egypt’ that those soldiers were loved daddys, husbands and sons and why was it ok for god to kill them? Anyway all due respect to freedom of thought. Some of my favourite people are true believers. Linda

  8. avatar
    Richard | 11 April 2009 at 11:22 pm #

    typical!!

    just when I was expecting a biting spray about the Easter Bunny you go for a soft target

  9. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 April 2009 at 11:24 pm #

    That is some rant mister.
    I am thinking that humans really dont have the insight or ability to critique this stuff and ask the right questions. Probably also that humans (westerners at least) are still a tribe of israelites at heart, which is a worry but probably at the core of this bible stuff. It is really hard to see how fabulous jesus was and how the message gets lost in all the sacrifice, blood, death and revenge stuff.
    Anyway, happy equinox. May the future and the truth of this beautiful world superseed this olde tale.
    Justine

  10. avatar
    loolaabillions | 11 April 2009 at 11:55 pm #

    yeah it’s all pretty sad really
    how some people
    take the bible/koran/scrolls etc
    so seriously
    with often dire consequences.

    i prefer the science of life
    not the morals…….

    however…
    ‘and on the 16th day god said unto thee
    i give you solo steve
    by the light of the firekites
    in newcastle..
    and he was pleased’
    and so am i. xx

  11. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 11 April 2009 at 11:58 pm #

    Thou shall not kill and having reverence for all life ranging from human to cockroaches is the way to go. By the war cockroaches pollinate many plant species. I love God’s creation and I abhor mankind’s murderous and genocidal dominion.

    Sk is sounding like Julian Cope the past few days. Don’t give up on Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva Sk.

  12. avatar
    jaime r... | 12 April 2009 at 12:14 am #

    Thanks for the Blible Cliff notes SK..

    enjoy this:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wnYapeF3ctE&feature=related

  13. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 April 2009 at 12:27 am #

    My father will love this post

    He has studied all religions and finds them hilarious

    DR

  14. avatar
    captain mission | 12 April 2009 at 2:26 am #

    jesus said ‘love your enemy’ that’s possibly the most powerful idea ever in the history of humanity. i’d like to meet someone that can do it though. it’s a great thing to aspire to.

  15. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 April 2009 at 3:40 am #

    How you gonna balance this one out Steve? You’re a lover of God and now you’re getting all the atheist pure science folks thinking you’re one of them. Whatever are you going to do?

  16. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 April 2009 at 4:09 am #

    Happy Easter. Hope the Easter Bunny was good to you.

    My fave song of the moment is "So Love May Find Us". Congrats, brilliant song. Love the pumping bass and different instruments.
    Going to see your mate MWP play this week. Any chance of a surprise guest appearance? Another SK vs MWP, yes please.
    Watched the Rolling Stones dvd last nite and loved it. Mick has still got it. Hope they tour Oz again soon. To think if Mick's cover hadn't been blown when my sister met him, he may have been my brother in law. Long may the Church and Stones keep on gigging.

    Wishing you all the best for Easter and always.

    Peace & love
    Therese

  17. avatar
    princey | 12 April 2009 at 4:50 am #

    Am I a sinner for never having read or even flicked thru The Bible whilst alive for 43 years on earth? Never baptised the kid either, ooooooh a slap on the wrist from my Greek Orthodox parents and rellies, “how could you do/not do this to your one and only childe”, ooooooh bad Greek girl, you will rot in hell….yeah whateverrrrrr!!!!!!

    Anyway, hope you’re all enjoying the chocolate egg pigout today.
    Bless you all,
    Love Amanda

  18. avatar
    Queen Hatshepsut | 12 April 2009 at 5:55 am #

    Nice to know I’m not alone in my feelings about the ‘Good Book’ – haha. I could’ve written this myself, though not as eloquently of course. Even as a child I couldn’t understand peoples’ fixation with this book, which seemed rather sad and tragic and violent to me. Not to mention full of lots of well, BS.

    What does it have to do with love, peace and a loving, kind, supreme being anyway?

  19. avatar
    pastor of muppets | 12 April 2009 at 7:29 am #

    Anonymous said…
    “How you gonna balance this one out Steve? You’re a lover of God and now you’re getting all the atheist pure science folks thinking you’re one of them. Whatever are you going to do?”

    love of god and love of religion are two different things, man….

  20. avatar
    Michael K. Warren | 12 April 2009 at 7:37 am #

    Hoo-boy, some good points, there (angry as they may be). I was raised a Christian and still consider myself so, and though there are an awful lot of terrible things in the Bible, Christ’s teachings are certainly beautiful.

    Without getting argumentative, and slightly going off-topic, I have an idea as to why God can just sit back and let us all hate and hurt one another. Assuming that He’s omnipotent He knows every damn thing that’ll happen. But think of one of your favorite films; you’ve seen it many times and know how it all ends, but you still enjoy actually observing what happens. Maybe God likes seeing us play out our parts, good and bad.

    But really, who knows the who, what, when, where, why, and how, eh?

    Happy Easter, everyone!

  21. avatar
    eek | 12 April 2009 at 7:45 am #

    Isn’t every belief system designed to keep people in line and make them feel better about their rotten lives. “So your life sucks now — you’ll be rewarded later.” And many people believe that. Go figure.

  22. avatar
    davem | 12 April 2009 at 7:56 am #

    Don’t eat too much egg when you get back from the Eucharist, Killer!

  23. avatar
    don joe | 12 April 2009 at 9:18 am #

    Ahmen Brother!!

    Check this out for a different point of view. Take it as you may:

    http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-594683847743189197

    ML,
    don joe

  24. avatar
    fantasticandy | 12 April 2009 at 9:42 am #

    i know i keep coming out with this stuff……but it really IS this simple:
    ignore all that theological crap
    and JUST BE NICE.
    how can ya go wrong?
    much love to all,
    andy L.

  25. avatar
    matt davison | 12 April 2009 at 9:56 am #

    Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm,……………

    Well there you go!

    MD

    ps*SPOSE THEY DON’T HAVE ROOSTERS IN ALASKA…ONLY COCKS……….

  26. avatar
    Anakki Mayhem | 12 April 2009 at 11:11 am #

    God’s Final Message to His Creation
    “We apologize for the inconvenience”

    😀
    Happy Ēostre
    xo
    A

  27. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 April 2009 at 12:26 pm #

    Ohhh, ohhh,OHHH…Absolutely SPOT ON…wish I’d written that…

  28. avatar
    seoigh | 12 April 2009 at 1:07 pm #

    Here’s one for ya, Killa — an Easter present. It’s a concept that I couldn’t fit into a song I’ve been trying to write for decades:

    If your God doesn’t include the devil, he’s half as big as mine.

  29. avatar
    restaurant mark | 12 April 2009 at 2:12 pm #

    all i can say is very well said sir!

    take care everyone
    mark

  30. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 April 2009 at 2:14 pm #

    I think you got the wrong end of the crucifix, old chap….

    Easter is about chocolate.

    B.Bon

    P.S. Hello Isolde

  31. avatar
    davem | 12 April 2009 at 3:11 pm #

    “But think of one of your favorite films; you’ve seen it many times and know how it all ends, but you still enjoy actually observing what happens. Maybe God likes seeing us play out our parts, good and bad.”

    Michael…….you have impeccable taste in music but I can’t imagine god sitting there digging children having their limbs blown off or starving to death. Great film that must be. If “he” is this laissez faire, omnipotent dude then he must sit there and weep.

  32. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 April 2009 at 7:48 pm #

    “love thy enemy”…can’t do it. my ex forged my name on several credit cards then maxed them out, forged my name on several loans and then i learned she was screwing some guy. if today, she was on fire and burning i wouldn’t piss on her to put her out. afraid that i can never learn to love thy enemy.

    hd2d
    i remember being young and being forced to go to church. the thing that i resented most about it was the feeling of being a bad person every time i went. when i was 11-12i got heavy into the beatles. i remember reading a book that had a chapter devoted to lennon’s the beatles are bigger than jesus quote and the resulting outcry. people burning albums, breaking them in public displays, boycotting them on the radio (does this kind of fervor have anything to do with the church deciding to avoid the southern states?). this was 79-80 and i didn’t understand the negative reaction that quote received. at that time, for me, the beatles were much more important in my life than jc. listening to music has always been more impotant/influential on me than religion. my complete break came when the doctrine of my church told me that men like allah, buddha, dalai lama, etc were all going to hell because they didn’t accept jc as their saviour. bullshit. how can that be?

  33. avatar
    catchow | 12 April 2009 at 8:28 pm #

    fine remark,steve!
    bible is made of violence and is, nevertheless, a reference…
    but, unhappily, it’s the living image of our fucking world…
    but let’s think positive.

  34. avatar
    CAPTAIN BEYOND | 12 April 2009 at 8:35 pm #

    let’s burn all that bible tripe…
    Jonny

  35. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 April 2009 at 10:08 pm #

    Steve, believe it or not you do (or did) have some fans who are actual Christians. I was on the front row of your concert in St. Petersburg a few years ago and have been a big supporter of the band. I was just last week talking up the Church to an Australian girl I met who wasn’t familiar with the band. I will say that in this world it takes a lot more guts to actually be a Christian than to be the person mocking Christianity. I find it funny and ironic that Christians are so often accused of being close minded and intolerant and then someone like yourself will go off on a rant like your last couple of posts. You obviously don’t care if someone with my beliefs is a fan of yours so you just got your wish. And judging by almost all of the comments I am in the minority among your fans. Perhaps you are just bitter that VH-1 only listed the Church #84 out of their list of the 100 top One Hit Wonders of the ’80s. I will pray that the blinders come off of your eyes and that you will someday see the truth.

    A Former Fan

  36. avatar
    BlondeBlueEyedJesus | 12 April 2009 at 10:14 pm #

    You pretty much hit the nail on the head. I’d like to add that gods chosen ppl pretty much get kicked out of every part of the world.

  37. avatar
    CAPTAIN BEYOND | 13 April 2009 at 3:46 am #

    hey former fan,
    you got another thing comin’, kilbey is the truth dumbass, don’t be christian or any other religion title, just be one with yourself and believe in YOU and no other…
    Jonny

  38. avatar
    Freddie | 13 April 2009 at 1:55 pm #

    Former fan,

    Are you? Why let your disappointment in a personality keep you away from the beauty of music which you surely must have enjoyed before. It makes about as much sense (to me anyway) as burning your CDs by so and so because you don’t like what they eat (Sorry Brien. I love ya dude and I don’t eat meat anymore but I still don’t get the burning of the music.) Steve Kilbey changes from day to day. Steve Kilbey is full of opinions and Steve Kilbey is on fire sometimes. Some days he’s likeable and other days he’s an ornery brute but the stuff he creates, the art, music and poetry are pretty consistent and really beautiful.

    Freddie

  39. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 April 2009 at 6:31 am #

    I think that, setting our religion aside, stating our opinions in a respectful manner, and respecting each others opinions and gaining insight instead of bitterness from each other, we should listen to the many many songs that this great musician has helped to create, and realize that the church could have become a religion all its own.
    In reality we are all human, and the ones that make and cultivate love, instead of war like the men and women in combat, are the real heroes.
    -Allen
    Galveston TX

  40. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 April 2009 at 2:32 pm #

    Hey Freddie, thanks for that. I didn’t say that I wouldn’t listen to the music anymore. I don’t think that is possible. I just feel that I could no longer financially support the band after Steve ravaged my religion and the book upon which it is based. I am alright with differences of opinion but I guarantee you that if I, or someone more well known were to post a blog ravaging and mocking the Koran or some other holy book that I, or they, would be ostracized. Christians are pretty much the only group which it is acceptable to openly mock these days and it gets a little old. And very rarely do you see someone so openly attack Jews (Israelis). I guess Steve doesn’t care if he has any Jewish fans either. By the way I am not the Anonymous who has posted all of the over the top responses the last several days. Steve there are some pretty cool Christians out there believe it or not. You have to admit that your last several posts were pretty vicious. Also, Captain Beyond, I do not know why my one post makes me a “dumbass.” I spoke up when I felt personally attacked.

    A Former Fan

  41. avatar
    wtbaucom | 18 April 2009 at 6:46 am #

    Jesus Kilbey… you left out the part about colored eggs and bunnys!


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