posted on May 22, 2007 at 6:40 am

weird void hovering over me
making me feel…..
oh like i need to get warm
heatseeking need
need for something i dont know
missing from my equation
some element or ingredient
an additive maybe
i slurp down some muscat grape juice
ooh i musta needed that
oh that runs easy over my olde tired throat
its the autumn of my life
im confused
im still not acting my age
im all contracted
in the wrong way
jumpy and frail
the sun sinks below the sydney skyline
melancholia arrives
the palms move in the wind outside
i listen to yellow6/portal
i will indulge melancholia
i drift and weave in and out of daydreams
and blurry reveries too fragile to be remembered
the music creates and illustrates my voyage
i leave this autumnal room
and go where?
the children natter somewhere in the darkening house
i hear the baby call from miles away
where is this place i go
where sleep and drugs and tiredness and music take me
my private formless realm
where nothing can hurt me
an easy warm place
summer version
some aversion to coming back
a mellifluous whirlpool of thought
a still plain stretching to a far off horizon
it all makes sense here
i know all the answers but it doesnt surprise me
everything is ok just like vishnu said to me in my heart of hearts
none of it matters
nothing to get hung about
pleasant land somewhere inside me
wish i could paint it
wish i could sing it
when im there
all this struggle out here seems so unnecessary
all this blah blah blah blah bloody blah
the bombardment of info
the free trial offers
the pamphlets and tickets and receipts and bills and guarantees
why did we have to have all that?
how do those dolphins get by without traffic lights and schedules
can bears get angry if the internet is slow
do swans miss toasters and poly urethane insulation
do ants wish they could text each other
you see
i just dont believe this is the best we coulda had it
somethings gone wrong when guns are legal n pot is banned
when willy robbiams sells a billion records n i sell 18
when the heat is on but the trails gone cold
and the tail wags the dog star
but anyway
back inside my haze
where i swim languidly thru the thoughts
hard and soft
remember that
hard and soft
straddling the contradictions
being 2 places at once
making it up outta thin air
playing on as the ship goes down
there will be others
you dont meet em everyday
but theyre out there
good at that thing we crave
saying for us what we didnt think we could say
making us feel not alone
but always failing
but always trying
over and over
with paint or strings or movement or theorem
with good intentions
with open arms
with an eye to the weird void
still hanging over me

47 Responses to “weird void”

  1. avatar
    Anonymous | 22 May 2007 at 7:44 am #

    sort your timing out mr k – i check your blog late in my evening which is early in your morning and you used to be regular as clockwork. now – all over the place.

  2. avatar
    Anonymous | 22 May 2007 at 8:30 am #

    Don’t pull K’s e-chain, the man has the confusion blues. Let’s just listen.

  3. avatar
    Anonymous | 22 May 2007 at 8:37 am #

    Surrender

  4. avatar
    isolde | 22 May 2007 at 8:47 am #

    kev carmody was on the teeve last night saying a similar thing about how his people used to live without all the stuff

    i like these evening poems
    mellowed twilight feelings from the witching hour
    something to look forward to
    something honed and honeyed by the day

  5. avatar
    zebob | 22 May 2007 at 9:08 am #

    Wonderful to know I’m not alone with these sentiments. Thanks, Steve.
    -z

  6. avatar
    ~ | 22 May 2007 at 9:16 am #

    less cities more moving people
    moving through the eye of the space needle
    relax and float downstream
    let your thoughts take you
    like the velvet of muscat over your tongue
    down your throat
    quench with deep violet the blue
    that sings
    above you the void
    form words from the formless
    ether then write them down make them real
    the veins of the city throb
    in time to the seconds ticking
    clocks we made
    stop
    watch
    in place of heart beats
    the skyline must glitter like gold
    they chase after forever
    blinded by what we never asked for
    and what we don’t need
    demanding lead be turned into gold coins
    killing for greed
    yet
    in that space
    above you
    a universe unfurls
    continuously
    and in that space between
    your cells
    the magic of creation observed into existance
    Artiste
    the strength of conduit
    its ability to harness lightning
    pull its energy to earth
    transformed into inspiration
    the bolt from the blue chakra
    call your muse from holiday
    sing and paint together
    the element over water
    quicksilver

    ~J

  7. avatar
    manfred | 22 May 2007 at 9:23 am #

    hey sk
    “some aversion”…
    that’s as high as we can score?
    i had hoped for something like
    “you can try if you want but you’ll fail”
    well
    pretty damn sad
    well
    we’ll try harder
    that’s ok
    thanks anyway

    oh no
    sorry
    i was too quick
    “my private formless realm
    where nothing can hurt me
    an easy warm place”
    wow
    what a big compliment
    thank you very much
    m.

  8. avatar
    camus | 22 May 2007 at 10:01 am #

    Ennui.
    I know him.
    But today is not forever.
    This I also know.

  9. avatar
    Celticat | 22 May 2007 at 10:52 am #

    I loved reading that Steve.

    I watched yon crunchies at Sandalford and remember you saying that you wished you could take the heat away (I’ve never been that hot in my life before!).

    Well I wish I could you find what’s eluding you.

    Thanks for the blog, i enjoy reading. I enjoy the community you’ve created.

    Love to you and your family

  10. avatar
    Anonymous | 22 May 2007 at 11:15 am #

    Autumn daze,huh?………….tis dry n cold in Briz vegas….not at all festive gestures,from the westerly wind ……..soup….mmmmmblueberries Mr.K. eat blueberries…..can buy them frozen …are just cheaper anyway…..you need blueberries!!!!love and warm toes to you and family,genx xxxxxx

  11. avatar
    Anonymous | 22 May 2007 at 11:26 am #

    ahh that devil melancholia…gets you every time….i guess you can surf it or let it dump you and try to crush you…right? i’ve let that muscat juice trickle down my throat many a time..nectar of the gods….
    -The Hellbound Heart

  12. avatar
    Anonymous | 22 May 2007 at 12:17 pm #

    excellent stuff sk.
    i agree with your use of yellow6/portal.
    really, the whole collective at
    makeminemusic is quite useful for such moods.
    autumn is.

    richard mchealthy

  13. avatar
    restaurant mark | 22 May 2007 at 12:34 pm #

    we live in an odd place my friend…or at least we’ve made it that way

  14. avatar
    veleska1970 | 22 May 2007 at 1:21 pm #

    sorry you’re going through a lonely phase right now. but self-inflicted “pity parties” aren’t all that bad. i had one friday~~going through some major crap right now. sometimes you need to just stand up and scream. good therapy. hope you’re feeling better soon.

    lotza love……

  15. avatar
    Anonymous | 22 May 2007 at 1:29 pm #

    Girl!
    You opened the door
    With your freezing cold finger;
    a door made of silk
    of wind
    of your warm breath
    of you poems written on sky nobody would read
    a door of transparency
    a door you can not see
    a door too light and too heavy
    yesterday’s joy
    today’s gravity
    the dim light of the candle flickering, and flaring
    like the memories
    the moments
    floating in your mind
    perseverance
    temporary
    foggy and misty
    hair and air
    haggling and compromise
    doctor and patient
    too nervous like a …. Shaking deer?
    do you like hyoree a lady asked
    You said no comments
    My girl
    If only you’ve learned how to say No comments!

  16. avatar
    lily was here | 22 May 2007 at 1:55 pm #

    Psychologists say the formula for Love is ((F+Ch+P)/2) +(3(C+I))/10)/((5-SI)2+2

    Add and divide fanciability, charisma, love chemicals pheromones, confidence, intimacy and self image. So what seems missing from your equation? i get that anxiety too, makes me uneasy… melancholy may

    maybe you need to put on black rebel motorcycle club..Spread Your Love… very loud

    sue x

  17. avatar
    CSTCoach | 22 May 2007 at 2:04 pm #

    On the road this week. Catching up on the blog, and really enjoying the poetry of the past several days…

    ryan

  18. avatar
    Jen Jewel Brown | 22 May 2007 at 2:39 pm #

    Sounds like you are experiencing the force after stopping – kinetic energy. You stop, but the force inside you is still going, and you are being dragged along like the skid after braking.

    It’s a restless, hungry feeling that don’t do no man no good…

    Well, maybe it does. it’s a force to feed back into our creative sides I guess. I hope. I will it to…

    I’m guessing that after a gig, it bottles up, and looks for an outlet. But after a tour, all the separate blockings-up are one on top of another… And when it’s international, it must be so much more of that centrifugal force of energy. i bet it must be hard sometimes to come back down to earth. I guess that’s one of the reasons why yoga works for you… peace be with you sailor.

    xxxJ

  19. avatar
    Anonymous | 22 May 2007 at 4:09 pm #

    Good luck, Velesksa, hope you get through it soon.

  20. avatar
    kat | 22 May 2007 at 4:25 pm #

    the sun is shining, but not for me.. ;/

    sing it, roger daltrey…

  21. avatar
    EARTHFRIEND | 22 May 2007 at 4:39 pm #

    and you thought you were experiencing ‘a’ weird void, what ‘a’ bout me…
    mjnjr

  22. avatar
    ~ | 22 May 2007 at 5:27 pm #

    Love to You~
    the beatles
    played on someones ipod
    at work…
    twice in 30 minutes
    is this the formula for Love
    a song to brew that spell by
    spellbound
    its too warm to tremble
    summer comes
    what else on the horizen
    fills me with
    anticipation

    ~J

  23. avatar
    Anonymous | 22 May 2007 at 5:43 pm #

    Steve, you need to read Lost Horizon by James Hilton. If you have already, then read it again.

    John

  24. avatar
    JJ | 22 May 2007 at 6:07 pm #

    You’ve described a feeling I often have. Likes to visit in Autumn; ironically a season I love. Summer – ugh, hot..lethargic, hazy, leadening. Fast-forward to October.

  25. avatar
    gareth,notts | 22 May 2007 at 6:19 pm #

    willy robbiams…a talentless tit indeed!

  26. avatar
    davem | 22 May 2007 at 6:38 pm #

    Much of the struggle is so unneccesary. Yet we carry on with it.

    On the subject of Robbie vs yourself it’s more demanding to commit to music that’s challenging/haunting/thought-provoking than to the sort of elevator crap that RW churns out – I doubt most people who buy his records place any importance on music in their lives. Yes, he’s sold millions of records but how many of them are loved and cherished.
    The music you make really means something to your many THOUSANDS of of fans. I absolutely cherish my Kilbey/Church vinyl and CDs’s. They’d be the possessions I’d rescue if my house was on fire. That must have a higher value than being a fat chart-topper in chav-filled blighty.

  27. avatar
    veleska1970 | 22 May 2007 at 7:08 pm #

    well said, davem. here here!!**raising my glass**

  28. avatar
    Anonymous | 22 May 2007 at 7:40 pm #

    Dead Snares? I hear a familiar voice, but see no familiar name.

  29. avatar
    fantasticandy | 22 May 2007 at 8:14 pm #

    davem,…thats the smartest darn thing anyones EVER said on this thing!
    good on yer mate,
    see ya soon,
    andy L.

  30. avatar
    gavgams | 22 May 2007 at 8:46 pm #

    I really like Pure Chance and thought of it when reading this blog. More than thought, felt. It captures or suggests something of the tensions expressed. When the man purporting to be Kilbey sais:

    “pleasant land somewhere inside me
    wish i could paint it
    wish i could sing it
    when im there
    all this struggle out here seems so unnecessary
    all this blah blah blah”

    But what a lovely languid swim Pure Chance is. It’s a kind of emotional landscape in the sea, and it’s not all sweetness and light. There’s ocean darkness, danger, coils and soils, kelp in the swell, a bit of the not waving, but drowning? (famous poem – not band). the swimmer in trouble, clutching but sort of resigned, inner faith.
    Maybe I’m wrong? it’s not really the pleasant land, but it’s the emotional state. Tranquility? Maybe.
    I believe this man Kilbey may be Dostoevsky reincarnated. He could sell well in Russia.

  31. avatar
    stealthblue | 22 May 2007 at 10:08 pm #

    sigh…
    tell me about it…

  32. avatar
    the dean | 22 May 2007 at 10:23 pm #

    these internets, traffic lights and toasters are the source of suffering.

    as we get older we should need less, otherwise wisdom will elude us.

  33. avatar
    Anonymous | 22 May 2007 at 10:42 pm #

    I dunno what it is either, could be a Virgo thing cause I’m all over the shop as well. An unquiet. A calm before the storm. An intangible uncomfortableness. A need to get the hell out of this skin…

    It’s too early for your second Saturn Return….unless you’ve been lying about your age of course…

    B.Bon

  34. avatar
    mattdavison | 22 May 2007 at 11:47 pm #

    let me take you down..caus I am going to, Strawberry fields

    Nothing to get Hung about!!

    m

  35. avatar
    localalien | 23 May 2007 at 12:26 am #

    It’s hard not to feel alone out there sometimes, but I want to tell you…
    I’ve actually been trying to start up a new band recently and we’ve been doing alot of going to the practice space, getting high, and putting on your records, Steve, along with a few other of our favorites, and just basically letting it take us to good places. I guess what I mean to say is, yours is the music that really matters, regardless of the units you sell. The soul of it gets through all of it. For us like-minded kindred spirits out here, it is everything. You are a true artist and an inspiration. Thanks for all the great music Steve.

  36. avatar
    fawn | 23 May 2007 at 12:53 am #

    Yes, exactly. I think a lot of us here feel the same way. As for the ‘virgo thing’ anon mentioned above, if I have your birthdate right Steve then your sun is 18 or 19 degrees Virgo which means Uranus is opposing it right now! Exciting(or disruptive) times but first comes the feelings of frustration and feelings of being stuck and wanting to break out of your skin!

  37. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 May 2007 at 1:08 am #

    Dear sk,

    Hope you’re feeling better today, we all get a dose of the autumnal blues sometimes.

    Hope the spirits have sent healing powers to ye olde precious hands.
    We need u to be in excellent form for your music, poetry, art etc etc. Don’t let all the typing ruin your creative projects. So glad u did a blog on May 22 (thought u might have decided enough was enough). Completely understand if u cut this back to once a wk or whatever, your health is of utmost importance.

    Wonder if the “secret project” is near completion and about to have a road show. Fingers still crossed.

    In your words
    “Some days you laugh
    Some days you cry
    So deep in a night
    It leaves you stranded high and dry
    Walk out in the sun
    Walk out in the rain
    Keep on walking”

    Yes, our white hippy moses, just keep on keeping on with the music, art, poetry etc. We, your devoted disciples love it and need it and sincerely thank you for all your hard work.

    Good karma to you,
    Therese

  38. avatar
    Robbie Fan | 23 May 2007 at 1:38 am #

    As a Robby Williams fan I would like to say…

    no lifestyle is easy!

  39. avatar
    Todd | 23 May 2007 at 1:43 am #

    “internets, traffic lights and toasters are the source of suffering”

    Maybe traffic lights are… but surely not the internet- I love it!

  40. avatar
    todd | 23 May 2007 at 1:52 am #

    wonderful post.

  41. avatar
    eek | 23 May 2007 at 2:02 am #

    Most of us get that antsy, restless feeling sometimes. I think it’s a feeling often borne of affluence. Our basic needs are met, and for us far more easily than for our ancestors. But now, not having to focus completely on covering those basics, we are free to ponder other stuff, such as how we feel. And then, because we are human, we always want more than what we currently have. For some it’s more stuff, others it’s more knowledge, or more security, etc….. I don’t think the human animal is capable of remaining happily static.

    PS — you’d hate being an ant Steve. Too much like being a straight. 😉

  42. avatar
    Azza | 23 May 2007 at 2:38 am #

    I hate that uneasy, restless feeling. The kind that makes you wonder whether you should ring everyone to make sure they’re alright.

    Personal tally – albums bought
    Robbie Williams 0 (and getting less)
    Steve Kilbey 25 (and counting – I’m working on getting them all)
    -solo, church, refomation, Jack Frost etc
    Thats without double counting the remastered albums, best ovs and others purchased for guest appearances(like GB3 – though having got the album found it was all great.)

    So I’m trying my darndest to redress the balance Killer!!

  43. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 23 May 2007 at 2:47 am #

    Steve’s blues are on the money. A world where deadly guns are legal and peaceful pot is illegal. People eating so many animal species they will soon resort to cannibalism. Bands and performers with no talent making milions while the nonpareil Church are struggling. Morrissey has so many apropos quotes. “Michael Jackson, Maddonna, Oldplay and Radiodead have no earthly value musically” (I disagree in reference to Radiohead.) “The World Is Full Of Crashing Bores” “Meat Is Murder” “I Am A Was” “I Am Hated For Loving”. I dig Kilbey and Morrissey. They are different but they are incomparbly irreplaceable ! I to am going “Nowhere Fast”.

  44. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 May 2007 at 2:50 am #

    “…saying for us what we didnt think we could say…” This is what your blog means to me. Thank you.

  45. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 May 2007 at 2:53 am #

    Hey SK,

    Sometimes it’s nice to indulge melancholia for a while, as long as she doesn’t overstay her welcome. I agree that this isn’t the best we coulda done it. I was talking with my Mum aboout how so many kids these days are allergic to this n that, she didn’t get it, she said “No one ever had things like that when I was young.” and I said, “That’s because we’ve poisoned our world Mum.” and then she understood. But other days, so glad to be alive, so blessed. There is still so much to inspire and love.

    Big loves,

    Kate

  46. avatar
    Anonymous | 23 May 2007 at 6:21 am #

    Do you ever think about publishing your blog – not as a single book, but in volumes? Wouldn’t have to be anything fancy…

  47. avatar
    verdelay | 23 May 2007 at 6:38 am #

    Thanks for the smoke etc., last night.

    Always a bit odd meeting someone for the first time when you’re fast asleep, but you seemed to know what you were doing.

    Just don’t mention the d word.

    v


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