posted on February 27, 2008 at 8:14 pm

wake up
write a blog
kids get ready for school
i have some shredded wheat for breakfast
weather wilde and woolley
everyone must get a big kiss goodbye from the woofle
set off
doodles usually enjoy a quiz on way to school
or they enjoy it
when i shut my eyes
n gotta guess which ones hand im holding
(the twillies liked this one too…
and were much harder to tell apart)
sometimes they like 20 questions as well
anyway i say hey doodles
what does the word eerie mean
something to do with your skin? says one
ah its a ….er…i dunno a kind of cat ? says the other
no it means spooky i say
oh…they both say disinterestedly
ummm i say
what does basalt mean?
i dont know and i dont care ! says eve
uh dad, i don’ wanna be a walkin’ dictionary …says aurora
ok you little gooseballs im gonna listen to my ipod i say
good! says eve
aurora shakes my hand like its a done deal
and the doodles converse amongst themselves
about something interesting…
strangely enough
they both wanna hold my hands
so im walking along listening to ipod
with a 8 year old girl in school uni-form on each hand
nattering away across me…
drop em off at school
get a kiss
over the road
down towards the beach
across the lawns past the palms and pavillion
the usual tramps and groups of sweaty wives working out
all dressed in their leotards
stepping up in down on a kerb
or boxing with the instructor
on the boardwalk im listening to
horror of horrors…stevie nix
stop dragging my balls around
i used to sing back in the day
ha ha ha
there was a girl in a band in canberra
who thought she was stevie nix
and when her band did rhiannon
the chick’d run around with the little cloak
just like stevie did
only it was ok in the mega dome in la
but it was hilarious in the harmony-german club in canberra
have you ever seen a women taken by the wind?
thats why i always say
blow me down!
anyway im listening to stevie n don henley
by time i get to pooley
reflecting on love songs
i mean the girls in all the old sixties songs..
i mean the “she” who was just seventeen
in 1963s i saw her standing there by beatle-boys
shes gotta be 63 or 64 now right?
is her look way beyond compare still?
(maybe, if shes a vegan)
did he ever dance with another?
i get to pool
into sauna
theres always some characters in there
today an anxious looking skinny chick
and her boyfriend
who looks like he came straight from amazon jungle
they whisper to each other but cant hear language
gee its hot in here tho
its like a bloody….sauna
the sauna looks out over the pacific
and north bondi headland (i dont live there!)
which is real pretty
grey overcast sudden glimpses of sun flashes of blue
surfers traverse the deep
people in pool go up n down
body builders in gym
women do yoga
people sit on balc drinkin’ cappo bloody -cheenos
people get massaged
a school turns up
and its funny how all the little boys
stand in the changeroom gawking and giggling
at the grown-up mens wedding tackle
occaisionally a teacher rushes in saying
hurry up jared get changed
liam, i told you not to do that
jack, miss boom-boom is looking for you
i jump in pool
i swim up n down
breast stroke one way
freestyle the other
it alternates between boring and mesmerising
i jump out have another sauna
do qi gong on the deck
walk home buy some bananas n dates for my smoothie
we decide to go up the junga
the junga is bondi junction
which sits about a mile or 2 away from the beach inland
and up a big hill
the easterns subs are very hilly..
it has the largest mall in the southern hemmy-sphere
and also has fed-ex kinkos office
wherein yon slacker fucked up my tube
we park in underground bunker which gives me horrors
i take woofle to fed ex
natalie goes to do grocery shopping,
at fed ex office woofle sits patiently on counter
for about 2 mins
before she gets down and runs around
dismantling the little displays of stationery n stuff
meanwhile i explain my story to guy there
he tries to understand and care
i tell him i have 6 paintings in a white tube
he goes and finds a picasso print
is this it ? he asks hopefully
then he rings a number
a heavily accented lady comes on
natalie had told me a heavily accented lady
was looking for a mr “kibley”
from fed ex…investigating my case…
gave her my email address etc
hello steven i m looking after your case
yes…i say ..but i didnt get your email i say
i sent it she says
this lady is quite good at english
i say quite good
because im sure english is a hard lang
for people from wherever shes from
(i say where are you anyway?
she says im offshore…….!?)
but she is not the person
i want handling my case
i tell her all the details
how i had the tube
how the slacker said hed put it in the fed ex tube
he said but there werent any right now
yeah yeah sure sure hed do it later he said
i had a premonition as i started the car outside
that he’d already forgotten
going into great detail
and an impassioned plea for their return
halfway thru my speech
i get the distinct sinking feeling
that shes non comprehendo mosta what im saying
why cant people who do these jobs speak english adequately?
surely thats not asking too much…
half the customs officers in the us cant speak english properly
well i could hardly communicate with em any way
and im english so i guess that means something, right?
look i dont care if the cab drivers or the shopowners
or the restaurant guys or the whatever cant speak inglese
but if you dealing with folks on the phone
re important details like immigration or sending documents etc
although she called me steven
she had sent my email to
she couldnt see anything wrong with that
i realised my paintings were doomed
look just put all in email she says
i wanna speak to your superior (i think to myself, but dont say)
then i imagine
i could get
someone even worse
ah harro seve i am supelior…what is plobrum?
i say ok
still havent re”seve”d email
took woofle round junga with me
shes getting increasingly stroppy
culminating in a display of yoga right in front of escalator
thats right as people were getting off a crowded escalator
the woofle was going between dog position n upwards facing dog
while her confused and bothered old daddy tried to get her to move on
one guy stops and has a real good laugh
shes actually really good he says
and i start laughing too
seeing the funny side at last
the woofle
to cap off her performance
takes the bottom of her t shirt in her mouth
and pulls it tight
while having a maniacal expression in her eyes….bravo!
then its mostly tears
as i drag her to an art shop for a can of fix
finally down all those other escalators
to find mummy on the lowest level
its more and more crying
till finally
as we got off the last escalator
i put my foot on her foot
i pull her hand upwards…giving her a stretch
and i stumble over
with my woofle my cans of fix and radiator coolant and stopleak
what a sight
woofles really crying now
when nk appears from grocery shop
she flies to mummy glad to escape the brutal imbecility of daddy-o
and is spilling the beans on how i hurt her and where it hurts
we come home
i have a sleep
wake up feeling real groggy
a can of berry v wakes me up
nk goes to school get doodles
woofle wakes up
angry to find shes woken up
with dear sweet soft mummy gone
and angry busy stupid old daddy left
nk n doodles come home
only thing to silence angry woofle is to put on a dvd
she is insistinging on the wiggles
which i absolutely abhor despise and revile
but hey
its still better than woofles guilt trip and recriminations
that im not her mother…
then at 6 30
the twillies swan in for dinner
the twillies have evening jobs now
and it gives them a slightly new swagger
i have to watch what i say in front of twillies
cos one olde fogey type remark will have em up n at me
they insist on swearing and talking about gory films theyve seen
going into lurid detail about murders n blood n guts
the doodles eyes are like plates
im trying to get the twillies to tone it down
ahem…girls please ..this is the dinner table..
but it goes from worse to worse
recounting all kinds of things in colourful language
reminding me of myself at 16
trying to shock and somehow proclaim my indy-pendents
but at same time seeking approval
its complicated
i didnt blow it tonite with my
“im not having that in this house” malarkey
they come in my room
elli prints out a load of stuff she doesnt take with her
minna gets out my art supply stuff
wants a “good” bit of paper
and then never finishes it
they both swan off into the night
beautiful self centred teenage girls
you gotta take what you can get and let em flow
cos you cant impose yer own aesthetic or ideals upon them
doodles go to bed amidst teethcleaning and protests
i read to them from northern lights
which is one zillion times better than hairy potter
and nk n i watch an episode of the american office
in which michael n jan levinson go public with romance
its squirmingly embarrassing n very very funny
but when its all over
the woofle is still stubbornly awake
she aint going gently into that goodnight
so we 3
me nk n woofle go to bed earlyish
woofle is still gently carrying on as i fall asleep
and shes up first thing this morning when i wake up
good on you woofle
24 hour surveillance service
we’re watching you daddy
eventually everyone is up n about
another day

34 Responses to “whens? day”

  1. avatar
    verdelay | 27 February 2008 at 10:33 pm #

    mundane and utterly brilliant for it.

    bravo, maestro

  2. avatar
    Anonymous | 27 February 2008 at 10:51 pm #

    Ha, great.
    I can relate 100% to being ‘the big bad ‘orrible daddy’ with my daughter… and the relentless service you give yr children. I coudn’t imagine being a single parent, not having the mummy come to the rescue and relieve the pressure.
    And..afternoon naps..they are one of my favorite things. I might set up a new political party
    “Australians for siesta’s” . Please vote for it at the next election!

  3. avatar
    Anonymous | 27 February 2008 at 10:54 pm #

    man…so much to say so early!! on ya bud…

  4. avatar
    princey | 27 February 2008 at 11:32 pm #

    Haha…just another sk day!
    Thanks for the giggle.
    Love Amanda

  5. avatar
    Anonymous | 27 February 2008 at 11:53 pm #

    great blog seve

  6. avatar
    matt davison | 27 February 2008 at 11:54 pm #

    G wiz thats a big day!!

    Hey When playing that game with the Twills try words like

    & sockfacepuppetmunch

    That i’ii get em!!

    Oh and check ya real e-mail…

    Love Henley…

    and whats the go with saunas.. arnt they pick up joints for sweaty Scandanavian folks of the Fumpmumpet types… never really understood em…can’t really be good to heat the body up that high and the walk out into 20 odd degrees???



  7. avatar
    Melby Symon | 28 February 2008 at 12:13 am #

    I alternated between sustained gentle chuckling and more vociferous fits of laughter at this entry. I love the brutal honesty you bring to us…but most of all it is your obvious integrity that I think I admire the most.

    You have been to the top of the mountain with the best them SK, but this hasn’t blunted your affinity with the “common man”.

  8. avatar
    Anonymous | 28 February 2008 at 12:42 am #

    .loved hearing about the woofle doin yoga..this is my 3rd month on the mat and I think I am addicted.. thanks to ya killa.. nameste

  9. avatar
    fantasticandy | 28 February 2008 at 12:56 am #

    oh, the joys of parenthood…..
    no wonder you slept well!
    andy L.

  10. avatar
    Brian | 28 February 2008 at 1:44 am #

    I really enjoyed reading that! Thanks Schteve. (I’m pretending to be Dutch for no particular reason.)

  11. avatar
    Anonymous | 28 February 2008 at 2:33 am #

    That’s a coincidence about the Fleetwood Mac mention…I’ve got a ticket for the Fleetwood Mac show on Saturday night at the North Sydney Leagues…a friend coerced me into going and she herself was coerced…it really isn’t the sort of thing I like to go and see as Fleetwood M cross my purview only very rarely, and I wasn’t looking forward to it but now that you have an FM anecdote in your blog I somehow feel so much better about going lol!!

    Have a great day, kind regards, Ross B Charing X

    Ps ‘junga’ for BJ – very apt!!

  12. avatar
    Anonymous | 28 February 2008 at 3:22 am #

    I hope you have a great time at the Fleetwood Mac show.
    I’ve seen them and they’re very good.
    Lindsey Buckingham is a vastly underrated guitar player…especially since he doesn’t use a pick at all.
    He usually does a nice acoustic segment with impressive fingerpicking.
    Hey Steve…
    I’ve dealt with those brainless wonders at Fed Ex also.
    Can’t they give you a tracking number?
    Or any kind of insurance claim?
    I hope that gets resolved for you.
    That’s 100% on them and they should man up and admit it.

    Tampa, Fl

  13. avatar
    CAPTAIN BEYOND | 28 February 2008 at 4:00 am #

    when i called Dell tech support one time they transfered me to an India operator on the other side of the world, what the fuck man…
    We are the World

  14. avatar
    Anonymous | 28 February 2008 at 4:50 am #

    the feetwould mac show would be a cover band though right??? eeeekkk…
    hows about a church tribute band then…uninvited like the crowds…

  15. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 28 February 2008 at 5:27 am #

    …well we don’t have fleetwood mac playing at the local civic centre BUT we do have an elvis tribute show happening there on saturday night, uh huh thank ya very much…
    don’t you just love shopping malls with small children, i thank my lucky stars that my child has never been the kind to chuck wobbblies and start screeching at a pitch and volume extreme enough to burst eardrums…
    loved reading about your day…
    love always…

  16. avatar
    Ethereal Butterfly | 28 February 2008 at 5:33 am #

    What a crack up!
    However, I’m a big fan of the Stevie!! I love the songs when she teams up with Tom Petty. I go into a mesmerised & nostalgic state when I listen or sing to her or the Mac……….. I did have a chuckle when they portrayed her as a goat on South Park!

  17. avatar
    Richard | 28 February 2008 at 5:45 am #

    what a good thing it is that there is no need for a Church tribute band!

  18. avatar
    linjo | 28 February 2008 at 6:42 am #

    Now I know why you do what you do! Its because you are still listening to Big Red Car at 53! you poor luv, my full sympathy!!

  19. avatar
    Anonymous | 28 February 2008 at 7:32 am #

    Stevie the highland goat might eat the pocket off yer paisley shirt sk!;D

  20. avatar
    Anonymous | 28 February 2008 at 8:38 am #

    love your blogs of your days, thanks

  21. avatar
    Anonymous | 28 February 2008 at 9:44 am #

    This blog somehow reminded me of the lovely Colourfield-song “Miss Texas 1967”. Thank you.


  22. avatar
    veleska1970 | 28 February 2008 at 11:49 am #

    a typical day in the life of sk. and a very busy one at that.

    “so im walking along listening to ipod
    with a 8 year old girl in school uni-form on each hand
    nattering away across me…”
    this is so sweet.

    you are blessed, steve. 🙂

    lotza love….

  23. avatar
    Anonymous | 28 February 2008 at 1:21 pm #

    My good man,

    I have so little time these days…but I do want to thank you for the ongoing diatribe….y’all know my heart is in the right place…I’m just workin’ for the man and gettin’ by best I can….no snivelling intended.

    Now, I’m not one to disagree with the old fella, he and I do seem to agree on most things even though we are about as far apart as any two people can be…ideologically speaking…such is life,eh? BUT, the most common parlance among my mob for Bondi Junction is ‘the jung-o’. I appreciate that you are bringing some European flavour to our local dialect…but none the less, I do feel you will enjoy urttering this word more.

    Don’t thank me right now…


  24. avatar
    eek | 28 February 2008 at 1:31 pm #

    That was a fun read. Except for the bit about Fed Ex, that’s just discouraging. Even at that I do have to admit I couldn’t help but laugh at:

    he tries to understand and care.

    Yeah, I get the “I’m trying to care…” vibe often from customer service people. I imagine they hear so many people’s woes they can’t give a damn even if they want to, but it’s certainly deflating when it’s your problem and you want someone to care.

    I have to say the woofle seems like quite the colorful little character. Her yoga demonstration sounds hilarious, even though she probably didn’t mean for it to be. I also have to agree with Veleska about how sweet your walk to school with the doodles was. Awww….

    reminding me of myself at 16

    Sometimes when I was being particularly obnoxious my mom would tell me “I hope when you have kids they are just like you! I think that might be some kind of cosmic payback. lol

  25. avatar
    RL | 28 February 2008 at 2:25 pm #

    It’s so strange to see behind the curtain; to discover that your 17-time-zones-distant poet-king watches “The Office” just like you do.

    Growing up stinks. And I ain’t even met my Pam after 35 years.

  26. avatar
    Larry | 28 February 2008 at 2:52 pm #

    I’ve just been arguing with customer service people and the hold Muzak was Fleetwood Mac’s ‘Gypsy’ with a nasty saxophone doing the vocal line. Brrr.

  27. avatar
    B Raine | 28 February 2008 at 4:51 pm #

    “im tougher than a plain crash tougher than heroin”

    I was walking through the Golden Gate park, an old roomate coming the other way, stopped me and
    He said ” I hear you’ve been messin around w/Heroin” I kinda put my head down..” No man is stronger than heroin” and walked away…..

    I consider myself One of the lucky ones.

  28. avatar
    B Raine | 28 February 2008 at 4:55 pm #

    havent updated my reading——fleetwook mac—macintosh …..sounds ….

  29. avatar
    John | 28 February 2008 at 4:59 pm #

    I get to be a guest DJ tomorrow at a local radio station. I intend to take advantage of my situation by playing The Church and Grant McLennan.

    John Garratt

  30. avatar
    davem | 28 February 2008 at 6:31 pm #

    How’s the slice Seve?
    Sorry about the on-going piccie issue.
    Sympathy on the shopping debacle. I effing hate those sanitised malls. To be avoided at nearly all costs. A ghastly addition to the British landscape.We used to have “proper” shops. Now everywhere is becoming the same. It’s a disgrace. Much as I like to support your art & individuality I also like to support my local shopkeepers….independent cafes, restaurants, greengrocers and, of course, my local pub…..not owned by any effing “chain”.
    God bless you Steve.
    Much love to all fiends.

  31. avatar
    sharim | 28 February 2008 at 7:08 pm #

    Fed-Ex? Ha!

    ‘Ex’ as in, ex-postings, ex-paintings, ex-mailings. Good luck with that!

    Is it veganism or yoga for youthfulness? Here in Seattle there are some pretty krunchy-looking vegans. Danke!

  32. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 28 February 2008 at 10:41 pm #

    Within my rich inner life the verdict is in. “Hologram of Baal” is the finest CD Ever. The transitions into ensuing songs are on a par with Dark Side Of The Moon.

  33. avatar
    tim | 29 February 2008 at 12:07 am #

    that was not henley and nicks on stop draggin my balls around it was nick and tom petty…who coincidentally looks like the back of my sack.

    …not the glamourous rock lifestyle, but i’m sure you wouldn’t trade it for the world…im in the office 40-50 hours a week, id trade places with you anyday…soak it all up daddy!!!

    btw any leechers on here could help out by actually subscribing to the blog you fucking maggots.

  34. avatar
    steve kilbey | 29 February 2008 at 12:51 am #

    petty n nix had finished
    and my pod was now playing
    leather n lace
    by stevie n donnie

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