although the memories of 100 years ago
fall out so easily
i think about yesterday
and the images are blurry
so this was my day yesterday
as a memory exercise
well
i woke up early
although i cant remember waking up yesterday
i guess at the time it was pretty vivid
isnt it strange that something that was so important a few hours ago
now cannot even be remembered
hmmm…a metaphor for humanity perhaps
anyway i got up
meditated
read my blogge of yessaday
read the comments
checked my emails
steVieKILbey@GEE-spotmail. org.ies
good lord
an avalanche of stuff
they say computers make things easier
but i got pages of unread messages
i feel guilty
i always have a niggling feeling i can never get everything done
everymorning another hundred appear
did you read my email about…says mwp
urr ahh well not exactly….yet….but soon, soon
he squints at me
you know steve, that one was important…
christ but by the time i track that one down
another hundred have landed on top
i try to wade thru em
my answers (if any) are perfunctory or rude
one syllabic blah to someone
who wrote a long personalised missive
i hate email!
it sucks up yer time
makes yer head hurt
anyway
i do my emails
i do my blogge
the doodles get up n start up their carry-on
dad….she blah blah blah
no dad she took my blah and blah blahed it..
but dad, she kicked me in the blah
but she kicked my blah first
doodles shuttup!
im plumbing the depths of my memries
im diving for my own memory
it takes detachment
but the doodles bloody rabbitting on makes it hard
did fucking lord tennyson write under these conditions?
doodles im gonna take ya to the pool soon as i finish this
but thats a mistake
cos the doodles kep saying
have ya finished?
have ya finished?
HAVE YA FINISHED?
when will ya be finished?
eventually i do finish
after threatening the doodles
a hundred times…
we do the usual performance of
find the swimmers
you see the doodles just casually chuck their clothes willy nilly
so this can be a painful procedure
nk n the bumper join in the hunt
we all retrace auroras footsteps from the previous day
and we come up with the eloosive swimming costume
itsa nice day
and we have a nice walk to the pool
i stop in and buy a lime mizone sports drink
with the 1 dollar coin change
i buy 2 gumballs from the machine
blue n green
the doodles have brought their own 1 dollars
and they both buy their own gum
(but is it cruel to the gum trees?
and where does all the old gum end up?)
then they haggle
trying to swap colours etc
we get to the pool at 9.30
and theres some kinda bloody races going on
and theres only one lane available for lapp swimming
and its got about 20 swimmers
some hurtling thru the water doing butterfly
others are feeble olde codgers and great fat russian ladies
everyone crashing into the others
and kids diving in n out in the laplanes
as it werent bad enuff before…
the doodles don their gear and jump in the baby pool
which is quite deep at one end
the doodles can swim
evies got that otter thing like russell
then a voice says in my ear
in a broad aussie accent
ya cant swim in there today steve
i turn round
its my friend sean the fireman
a big muscly aussie sorta guy
time you conquered your fears n did the bay swim
he says
i never swim across the bay
im frightened of the sharks
and im frightened of being out there
n running unexpectedly outta puff
i mean i do a kilometre every day
but there again i know i can stop whenever i like
anyway before i getta chance to think about it
im following sean the fireman
who is a real fireman
down the steps into the ocean itself
we walk over a shelf a marine green swaying carpet
so soft underfoot
a few biggish waves come in
dont worry
sean says
im fuckin’ afraid of em too
and theyll probably get me first
i follow him
we leave the shelf
and it drops away
to a sandy bottom
20 or 30 feet away
we begin our swim
hes a much better swimmer than me
and he takes off
of course i been body surfing in the ocean a million times
but ive never been right out here in the open sea
the water is real undulating up n down like green liquid hills
its frightening
the ocean dont fuckin’ care if youre a hipster genius
or the prime minister
its gonna swallow you under if you lose yer confidence
after about ten minutes
seans white swimming cap is a point in the distance
truthfully fiendsss i felt a wave of panic building up
i was out in the middle on my own in this huge ocean
my ego was suddenly dwarfed by confronting
the most uncaring unfeeling hugeness of the sea
i fought the feeling down with detachment
and i swam towards sean who had stopped
and was waiting for me
am i going too fast?
are you enjoying it?
oh yeah its…..beautiful i say
treading water out there
imaging my lovely muscled legs from a jaws point of view
lets keep going he says n hes off
i swim after him
each stroke a mini-eternity
despite the anxiety my lungs are handling the pressure
i been swimming hard in the pool
and im suddenly grateful for my fitness
and despite having already smoked a joint this morning
(before writing blogge)
im pushing away thru the water with no fatigue
its quite marvellous
5 or 6 years ago
i couldnt have done this for all the tea in china
now after all that lapswimming everyday..
i look up
seans off in the distance again
sean! i feebly call out
sean! sean!
he eventually hears me over the churning ocean
he stops n waits
thats enuff aint it? i say
nah lets keep going he says n i watch as he swims right down
to the bottom
its a long way down he says as he comes up n gasps for air
eventually we swim back
as i do the last few yards the term noahs arks comes into my head
noahs arks is rhyming slang for sharks
as i climb up the ladder from the ocean
back to the pool
an old aussie woman blasted brown by the sun
leans over n says
didja see any noahs?
afterwards eve n aurora get in the showers in the ladies change room
and wont come out
im standing outside ladies changerooms telling em
they better come out or…or…
and all the time girls n women coming in n out
giving me bemused looks
the doodles were in the showers for like 15 minutes
while i stood out there like a ninny
calling to em
and only half hearing their laughing shower-muffled replies
finally they come out
they look so shiny n new i cant be mad at ’em for long
we hit the fruit shop n i buy some pears n dates
we pick up a flat white for nk at a cafe
the doodles are all over the cafe
trying out different seats n tables
embarrassing i guess
but most people here know the doodles
and they just about get away with it
we get home
i make poached pears
i get a saucepan
put about two inches of water in
i add a handful of oats
i chop a bit of ginger
some sultanas n dates
three cut up pears
then you let em all get poached
keep the lid on the saucepan
dont let it dry up or out
everyone liked the pears
baby bumper wolfed hers down
i had mine with tahini
nk had honey n tahini
evie came back for more
i get a call from lucien who directed
merchant of venice, the musical i was in
last year
we’re thinking of doing zoo story
a 2 man play
about an aggressive younger bloke
who meets this kinda more timid upperclass guy
in central park in 1960,nyc
i play the older guy
n lucien has this actor sebastian goldspink
to play the nutty ratbag
hes an amazing actor …we hadda read already
so i take eve n aurora n bumper (in her stroller)
down to see the possible venue for our play
its behind this roller door in bondi
we knock on the door
inside is an amazing half gallery-half junkyard
full of paintings tools canvases plants empty wine bottles
wow says scarlet as we wheel her into the darkness
theres some great possibilities here
the kids are really well behaved while we look around
sebastian points to scarlet sitting in her stroller
singing a little song to herself
hows this kid? he asks…she hasnt complained once
yeah …we like her
i say
our stock standard reply
for fielding the bumpers numerous compliments
of course they dont see the tempestuous side of the bumper
when shes wriggling like an eeel backwards outta yer arms
while ya going up the steps
or the one doing her block
if you want let her have something thats too hot
anyway we decide to try the play there once
maybe round 20th of jan
but its all very tentative….
me n doodlies n yon bumper walk home again
i do yoga
at about five
nk n i n d’s n b
all jump in falcon
now named tibor after tibor hegyi my latin teacher
tibor beep actually
aurora thought beep was as good as tibor so we used em both
we drive outta bondi
thru eastern subs n kings cross
over hubba bridge n look!
theres the oppa house!
over to mosman n balmoral beach
cos nk likes fishnchips especially there
and the whole place is wonderful
a harbour beach , a pavillion
netted swimming between boardwalks
oh dear
silly daddy misses turn off to manly n mosman
this is the second time its happened
i go off
sailing away in the fast lane to gosford n newcastle
im effing n blinding in the drivers seat
as we are swept inexorably along by the wave-like traffic
the rest of the family are calm
during the welter of my invective
im in no hurry offers nk tentatively
the bumpers utters a oh wow
after ive finished cursing
the doodles just go on as if nothing has happened
theyve seen this film before…
eventually i turn back and make for neutral bay
nk is very relaxed and i feel silly getting all jumped up
about losing my way
we wind thru the backstreets of neutral bay towards mosman
beautiful luxurious houses i couldnt dream
of even affording their ornate letterboxes..
look at that one nk n i say to each other
we dont wanna leave our school yell out the doodles
naively thinking we are planning to move here…
finally to balmoral
we snag a carpark almost immediately
thank you vishnu
oh its wonderful here
calm warm romantic night
oh dear tho
the fishnchip shop is closed for renovations
like basil fawlty i start flagellating myself
oh no oh god oh no
nevermind says nk n we find a nice little cafe
sitting out on the water
she has battered flathead with chips
i have a veggie burger
except it contained eggplant (blechh!) n cheese(vomit!)
i nick many of nks chips
then we walk on a grassy oval
hundreds of white cockatoos fill the sky
and scarlet stumbles round saying “bird”
we sit on a bench as it grows darker
watching boats bob upndown on the sea
the drive home across the bridge is exhilarating
xmas parties seem to be exploding all over sydney
and the mood was a festive saturday night
come home
put doodles to bed
read em a bit of the silver chair
a bit of visualisation for auroras tooth
me n nk watching rock wiz when it starts up outside
look
even i aint gonna print the language this lady was using
but she was telling her boyfriend that he was some very rude things
implying that his parents werent married (b******
that he was overfond of his mum (m******-********
that he was varius bits of anatomy
you c****, you a*******
all preceded by the adjective f*******
anyway it was right out the front of our place
a guy n girl who live next door
shes screaming at him
beating n kicking his big black truck-van-thing
hes saying in the dopiest voice you can imagine
aw kelly no no dont kick my truck kelly
dont throw my phone kelly
now dont throw my keys at me kelly
ouch fuck kelly
that really fucking hurt me kelly
kellys attacking and kicking
go to fucking maroubra you c she says
go on go to fucking maroubra go on !
why dontcha come wiv me kelly?
f you f you f you shes screaming at the top o’ her lungs
ooh shes a nasty type too
out there dressed in a towel only
the guys sitting in his car
theres much incoherent swearing and arguing
i turn off the telly
i say say to nk
this is much better than rock wiz
she smiles n agrees
baby bumper hears em screaming n carry on
oh wow she says
the couple go back in side
its quiet for a while
then they come back out
more expletives
shes dressed now
seems theyre both goin to maroubra now
(whats there? drugs?)
but when she goes to get in
he tricks her starts up car n tries to leave
but the bomb stalls n she starts kicking it again
dont fucking kick my car kelly!
kick kick kick
by now man over the road has come out n hes watching
the whole thing very dubiously
shes screaming n cursing like a banshee
they drive off
and its silent again
10 minutes later they reappear
and the screaming recommences
you f c m-f b piece o ‘shit! she poetically declaims
she gets out n sticks her hands in thru his window
he grunts n moans then she starts squealing like a stabbed pig
a horrible embarrassing nauseatingly caterwauling
as he does whatever hes doing to her hands
leggo my hands she screams
this is enuff for man o’er the road
he calls the fucking cops
but just before they arrive
the charming young lovers drive off
in the nick of time
the cops come and walk around with torches
but exhibit a have scarpered off to maroubra
the cops leave and…
i dinnae fuckin’ believe it
kelly n co are back again!
jesus what a night!
oh i wish you coulda been there!
ha ha ha
sob sob sob
i dont know what to feel
i hate seeing men n women doing that to each other!
but
jesus
it was better than anything on the telly..
that was that
all my yesterday
have good sunday, fiendsss
sk