posted on November 23, 2008 at 7:35 pm

i will be cool
in my zigger jacket…..
the phone rings
a bus blasts its horn
a plane begins its descent for landing
kilbey stands in a queue
my passport is stamped
i walk through
carlos from curare records meets us
at the restaurant i find nothing to eat
the others eat the fish
i sit bored and i argue with kilbey
kilbey sits there yawning
he wants to sleep more than anything in the world
carlos is getting on great with the others
but kilbeys ignoring him
so i’m ignoring him
kilbey n i get up for a stroll
we’re down at the edge of some sea or lake
the sky is almost a creamy green-blue
i remember the zigger jacket n i smile
where is it now tho? someone asks
fuck, my zigger jacket….!
kilbey looks deeply troubled
where is the zigger jacket? he asks me out loud
for christ out loud ..i say…
its in the suitcase, isnt it?
i didnt put it in there , did i ? kilbey wonders
you must have, man….cos i didn’t
we stand at the edge of the sea
no sand only rocks ….i say
yeah..says kilbey hardly hearing me
lets check the case kilbey suddenly says
s’back at the hotel….
gotta go there now then
kilbey goes in n tries to disturb the others lunch
theyre drinking beer n eating prawns or something
all having a good laugh with stupid carlos
who thinks he’s pretty funny
kilbey says we wanna go back to the hotel
the others ignore him
c’mon….! i say
they go on drinking n eating the dizgusting crustacean bits
kilbey n i take matters into our own hands
which fuckin’ hotel is it? kilbey asks me
i take out my key
mercury gardens hotel the city
we bump along in some old cab
the drivers strikes up a conversation with us
kilbey asks all his usual questions
whats the population of this city
where did the driver learn to talk such good english?
(kilbey n i exchange a wink in the mirror)
he asks about the war
the guy goes into a long complicated n passionate answer
i see kilbey gets put off n doesnt listen to a word
the guy can see hes not listening
so he starts talking to me
yeah yeah mister….thats too bad..
aw fuck i cant understand a thing he’s saying
but he’s sure upset with some general or somebody…
eventually we get to the mercury gardens
kilbey jumps out n strolls away
leaving me to pay
theres some argy bargy with the tip
i tell the guy to fuck off
the car drives off with a screeching of tyres
i gave him a tip i say to kilbey
kilbey says how much didya give the bastard?
i hold up a note
i gave ‘im 5 of these
great says kilbey …you gave him a ten cent tip!
fuck ‘im if ‘e cant take a joke ..we roar in unison
in side the hotel the people dont like us
kilbey looks like a real scruff in his get up
and his great big bag full of cassettes
at least i had a shave this morning
kilbeys got reddish hair n a black shadow
his face is pale his nose is pink his eyes are blank
gimme the key he says to me
i aint got the key! i say
didnt you check in already ?he says incredulously
there is a vague n imperious side of kilbey i hate
we all do
he wanders around wishing out loud
like some kinda fool prince on a picnic
i aint got the key.. i say one last time
go to the desk then ..he says
you go to the fucking desk ! i say
kilbey shrugs n goes to the desk
i almost feel sorry for him sometimes
he hates doing anything…ANYTHING…
for example in paris:
hey kilbey we just arrived in paris..wanna see the sights
kilbey: no i hate sights
wanna get some food?
no i hate the food here, i’m gonna eat a sandwich
that i bought in luxembourg…
hey kilbey wanna watch tv..?
kilbey: no i hate tv
the soccers on…
kilbey : i hate the soccers on..
jesus what a wet blanket
kilbey checking in is a piece of work
hes mumbling n keeps checking all his pockets
all he finds are crumpled bits of paper
some of which he unfolds n reads
before sticking em back in his pocket
do you know where me passport is? he snarls
bangas still got it from the flight i say
kilbey says fuck!
he goes into some schpiel about something
n finally they let him have the roomkey
on his nsw drivers license
it takes us a while to figure out how to use the key
kilbey gets blustery n tries to force it in
look ….like this… i say
the door opens
its a nice room
the suitcase has already been delivered
the zigger jacket ! he says
i take the cassette player out n stick in some david neil
” someday honey , i’m gonna find my way home…”
kilbey looks perplexed
what is it? i ask
d’ya remember the combination? he says
the case has a combination lock
the silly sods forgotten the combo
we sit there trying all the obvious combos
finally kilbey spins all the dials
suddenly the case pops open
it explodes in socks n shirts n underpants n books n cassettes
where is it?
where is it?
the fuckin’ zigger jacket…where is it?
kilbey just sits there shocked
i rummage thru the case again n again
kilbey gets on the phone
he insults the airline n its baggage handlers
he insults the country
he insults the hotel n the staff
he rings up banga n insults him
he finally slams down the phone
n he starts insulting me
you know how much i love that jacket ..he says
why didnt ya look after it a bit better ? i say
this incenses him
he hurls the hotel dossier book thingy at me
it explodes midair in envelopes menus n postcards
he goes into the bathroom slamming the door
a second later he appears sheepishly
its ok now he says
its ok..he says …i found this…..!
hes holding the zigger jacket in his hands
oh god
despite all the carry on
i’m awfully pleased to see it
a work of true sartorial elegance
can i wear it a little? i ask him
sure …he says , his face softening a little
i put it on n walk around the room
looks good on doesnt it? he says
yeah…it really does…
whoever wears this will be a true rock star
and then the unthinkable happens
we order up some food
and i get guacamole all over the zigger jacket
kilbey is angry he cant speak
then its a flurry of calls
kilbeys moaning n carrying on
banga comes round eventually
you n yer fuckin’ zigger jacket…he says
they have a brief argument
culminating in kilbey asking banga
“what could be more important to YOU than MY needs?”
banga snorts with derision
“mate” he says “get fucken serious!”
he slopes off with the jacket
that night at the gig
things are at an all time low
the jacket has supposed to have turned up
but it hasnt
kilbey n i bicker with each other over “responsibility”
banga tells kilbey to be patient for the hundredth time
n the others couldnt give a damn
just as the strains of the intro tape are dying away
(deodatos the ride of the valkyries)
some little foreign lackey from curare records
comes runnin in the gig
holding the zigger jacket all wrapped up in drycleaning plastic
are you fucken happy now? banga roars
n everyone laughs
kilbey smirks n unwraps our jacket
n then his smirk turns to a nasty frown
as he tries it on
as he tries to try it on
its shrunken to a small girls size
everyone tries to stifle a huge inevitable laugh
as he casts the shrunken garment to the floor in a cold rage
the guy from curare makes himself scarce
the gig was a stinker
we never got asked back
dont ever mention that fuckin’ jacket to me again
or kilbey
just DONT mention it!

19 Responses to “zigger jacket”

  1. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 23 November 2008 at 9:55 pm #

    Sk is a true blue veg. No prawns or fishies for him. Take that Peter Gabriel, Chris Martin and Kate Bush.

    The last few days of blogs remind me of Gerard De Nerval’s surreal writings. It’s hard to distinguish between dream and reality. SK must have read some of those French 18th and 19th century writers to do this.

  2. avatar
    princey | 23 November 2008 at 9:56 pm #

    I hope you’re kidding about never wanting to see the “sights” while in Europe sk, I’m almost 43 and STILL saving my coins to try and get there just once before I die!
    luv Amanda
    P.S. Great news about the Triffids gig, I’m going to get tix today, it better not be sold out, cancelled or minus sk, the drought’s been goin’ on tooooo long!

  3. avatar
    persephone2u | 23 November 2008 at 10:10 pm #

    Deodato, now how random is that for a blog? The Ride of the Valkyries always makes me think of Marcello Mastroianni circling around nuns, ready to take his holy water cure in my absolute favorite movie of all time which is Fellini’s 8 1/2.

    Super funny blog today. Reminds me of how a lot of the English are when they go on vacation. I’m sure you’ve probably heard them plenty wandering around beaches whinging, saying things like, “The water is too wet, I don’t like the beach. The water is too warm. Should be freezing instead. The sand is hard to walk on and what the hell is up with all the waves? The sky is too blue and there’s just too much space in Australia. I don’t like hot weather. When’s it gonna rain?” Oh dear.

    There’s nothing more lovely than being holed up in a Paris hotel with lots of red wine, fresh bread and cheese listening to the sound of cathedral bells chiming every hour, though eating veggie can be difficult there I always find. Every time I’m there I long to truly escape to Huysmans’ Middle Ages…

  4. avatar
    Peter Podcast | 23 November 2008 at 11:13 pm #

    This is your novel Man.
    You as a character.
    Some kind of Rockn Roll Mafia on the road.
    I want more!!

  5. avatar
    PAGEY | 23 November 2008 at 11:43 pm #

    i don’t read this stuff enough. Its always more than fantastic. Man, always great when i stumble through here. Xmas gift sent Stevey! updated. All the best! Glenn

  6. avatar
    ticktockclarice | 24 November 2008 at 3:53 am #


  7. avatar
    ticktockclarice | 24 November 2008 at 4:03 am #

    Oops, sorry bout that, little case of premature posting there, my computer illiteracy knows no bounds.
    anyhoo, just wanna say, LMAO at that one Steve.
    “hate the soccers on..”
    That is freakin’ hilarious. Guess we know where little Miss Scarlett Woofle gets her famed petulance from then.
    And i love that they are all combinations that i would use (except possibly the 069 one, think that’a a guy thing) Got a perverse little thrill the other day when my bag of grapes came to $6.66. Yeah, i’m pretty juvenile that way.
    Which reminds me, did you see how the Catholic church has officially forgiven John Lennon for his “the Beatles are bigger than Jesus” comment. Wow! That’s big of you guys. Way to keep your finger on the pulse of the hot issues too. What next? “Vatican decrees it ok for women to bare ankles?” What a sad, irrelevent institution. Only one Church worth worshipping as far as i’m concerned. Strop on, Steve. Your occasional bouts of sullen churlishness just endear you to us more πŸ™‚

  8. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 24 November 2008 at 11:07 am #

    am i being an utter twit if i ask what a zigger jacket is? sounds very monty python to me…
    love always…

  9. avatar
    eek | 24 November 2008 at 11:20 am #

    I knew that jacket story wasn’t going to end well!

  10. avatar
    melissa | 24 November 2008 at 11:49 am #

    I was wondering exactly the same thing HH!! πŸ˜‰

    Amanda, hope you got your Triffids tix ok for Melby .. got mine yesterday, row E! Woot! I can’t believe how lucky I’ve been lately to see some amazing musicians .. and quite a few more coming up in the next couple months πŸ™‚

    Still haven’t caught up with all my TTB reading .. might need to take up speed-reading πŸ˜‰

  11. avatar
    lily was here | 24 November 2008 at 11:50 am #

    A lad insane. I would've cried.

    "everyone tries to stifle a huge inevitable laugh"
    Bastards πŸ™‚

    Do you remember that gig in the Blue Mountains when you and TP drove all the way back to Sydney with Peter & Marty's car keys? Those two scaredy cats. One hid behind the bar on your return and the other one ran up to his room LOL leaving me to face you at the door probably looking like a startled rabbit!


    ps have you been watching Bill Leak on ABC1? Pretty intriguing watching him trying to capture the essence of his subjects. When he scrubbed all over his 1st painting tonight to start all over again all I could think of was 'all that expensive paint wasted!' mamma mia

  12. avatar
    lily was here | 24 November 2008 at 11:52 am #

    Welcome safely back Mel!

  13. avatar
    melissa | 24 November 2008 at 12:21 pm #

    thanks πŸ™‚ My brain’s still on hol’s though, LOL

  14. avatar
    Freddie | 24 November 2008 at 1:50 pm #

    I can’t understand why you insist on hanging out with Kilbey.

  15. avatar
    matthew | 24 November 2008 at 1:54 pm #

    Hey SK, loved that anecdote! France has *ZERO* decent soy milk, btw… so many good varieties here… something’s up with that.
    Hey lily w.h. – next week Bill L is doing Bonn Scott!

  16. avatar
    restaurant mark | 24 November 2008 at 7:30 pm #

    i’m not sure what a zigger jacket is…but it sounds like a very cool an integral piece of wardrobe! i think i want one!!!
    i’m gonna have to google zigger jacket now!

    take care everyone

  17. avatar
    restaurant mark | 24 November 2008 at 7:44 pm #

    so i googled…of course the time being and this blog came up first! but i did find a women's zigger…i this close steve?

    looks cool…my wife would wear it


  18. avatar
    the dean | 24 November 2008 at 8:47 pm #

    i’m in agreement with peter pod – a novel, you’ve got all the ingredience.

    zigger is a dutch word that translates into english as zigger.

  19. avatar
    CSTCoach | 24 November 2008 at 9:19 pm #

    Do all these fond pseudo-memories mean you’re gearing up to tour again soon?

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