posted on March 26, 2010 at 12:39 am

stuck with myself
stuck on myself
stuck by myself
stuck in myself
this body is a cage
odd moments elongate
canberra damp n dripping
crossing the road to buy a yoghurt slice
i just got stoned in my mazda in the carpark
i gotta go back to work but first i got the munchies
hey hey i’m a young man but it dont feel that much different
its late autumn early afternoon
the pot has suspended time like a cloud in the sky
one long white low cloud blowing up the street
i walk over to the shop
i have to cross a big highway
i’m in the suburb of barton
every building here almost is the public service
inside the shop i thumb thru their rude magazines whilst waiting
good lord its 197? and you can see this sort of thing..!?
the lady at the counter frowns at me as i order my yoghurt slice
i love the currants n sultanas in them
i look at my reflection in the glass
i got platform shoes bellbottom pants and a body shirt
i’m skinny and lanky looking
i have ridiculously long hair which i fiddle with like a foppy fool
i go back up the office
none of em know or react to my exploits
i do some menial job
i pay lip service to a system thats waiting for me to leave
to tell you the truth i was a lousy programmer
i never got one tiny subroutine to run
i was a useless public servant
i was a churlish twit disturbing these poor peoples calm
they just wanted a quiet life
but now they were sitting in an office
with a babbling fool spouting on about whatever nonsense
hey kilbey shuttup!
so what i was a square peg in a round whole
why did i have to make their lives a misery?
so i’d smoke pot eat yoghurt slices and run round the lake
uh huh lake burley griffin
jog jog run run
remember the japanese guy who ran past each day
eventually communicating with me in a split second
how his run was going
how his day was going
his opinion of the whole damn shebang
one day a grunt
one day a grimace
sometimes rarely a broad triumphant smile
sometimes downcast despair
a troubled glance
a sly wink
a cough
a nod or shake
sometimes closed eyes
as i ran past him
eventually one of my knees packed it in
i visited a really nice doctor who said stop running
he was such a kind handsome knowledgeable doctor
the next week he was run over n killed on his bike by a drunk driver
huh?
why?
anyway imagine me pre church fame
running round this fucking lake at lunch time in autumn
pumped up on endorphin
another quick smoke
upstairs feet up reading the illuminati trilogy
n munching on my yoghurt slice
and yelling out stray bits of the stuff i’m reading
to the ultra straights trying to work
hey it says here that schrodingers cat blah blah blah…
shuttup kilbey please!
the time passes by slow
i try to work to escape the time
but i cant work at something that has no interest to me
like updating a fucking mailing list….yeah sure….ha ha
dear sir can i please be put on the mailing list for these magazines..?
the dairy outlook
the beefy times
the pork and barrel herald
etc etc
signed farmer jones
my job to put said geezer on list
i had a computer programme after all
i had a box of cards with instructions in fortran
i had a little booth
the tea lady came up to our floor n i had tea n biscuits
i had my own phone n extension#
what a little goose i was though
thoroughly confused and lost
sitting in this old tower in barton on a chilly a.c.t. day in autumn
so long ago
lifetimes n lifetimes ago
fucking about doing nothing
turning up at 9
released at 4 51
sitting watching that second hand go round
willing it urging it on
wishing my life away
i jumped ship n moved to sydney
into some unknown life betting on myself n i got lucky i guess
one year ago no one would even listen to my music but my brothers
now i got interviews n flights to catch and people to see
the only constant is the dope
the drone thruout my adult life (a dolt life)
now i dont even have to try n hide it
canberra seems a long way hence and thence
they threw a book of my poetry out once
i was away n they moved my desk
n threw away my book of poetry i was writing
now people were interested in what i wrote
we went back n played in canberra
yeah they suddenly loved me after all that time
hey no hard feelings
i was a ninny and i deserved all i got
strange strange days fiends
strange strange days

24 Responses to “a time to refrain from embracing”

  1. avatar
    subcultureofone | 26 March 2010 at 2:57 am #

    strange days indeed

  2. avatar
    Jasperina | 26 March 2010 at 3:12 am #

    Poetry and the public service? A delectable slice of your yoghurt life.

  3. avatar
    WantonMyth | 26 March 2010 at 5:08 am #

    Amen that you bet on yourself.

  4. avatar
    Anonymous | 26 March 2010 at 5:33 am #

    To everything turn, turn, turn

  5. avatar
    Anonymous | 26 March 2010 at 6:47 am #

    yeah man i been waxin nostalgic to last cuople a days ..feels like hell to be honest wjth ya ..how bout that ..the j works just fine there..

  6. avatar
    Warpedjohn | 26 March 2010 at 6:47 am #

    I too was in the public service in Sydney at the same time and stage of life as SK I believe . ( i.e. 1st real job after leaving school .) I think I was there about the same length of time as SK was too. I guess its where you end up if you dont go to Uni or do an apprenticeship in one of the trades, like plumbing or carpentry.
    As SK describes it was surreal , best described by a co-worker at the time as "soul destroying."
    The most bizzarre thing to me was the people there who took the work ultra seriously when it was clearly the definition of meaningless activity.
    It's no coincidence that period was my heaviest consumption of pot too. However I confined it to at home, after work. Nowdays they call it "self-medicating ."
    I escaped by taking a holiday to Asia and did not return . Posted my resignation from Kathmandu.

  7. avatar
    fantasticandy | 26 March 2010 at 7:35 am #

    heck, killsy, i let 'em torture me all those years…..
    even so…
    i don't think they did break me.
    proof in yer inbox.

  8. avatar
    Simone | 26 March 2010 at 8:12 am #

    Monster n mirages (kilbey boxset) available for pre-orders from secondmotionrecords.com.

    Physical format mailing from 18 May, but pre-orders will receive
    MP3s instantly

    There are also artefacts and bedrooms demos along with this release.

    Anyone who wants one better get their skates on, only 1000 available and expected to go fast.

    RRP $99.99

  9. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 26 March 2010 at 10:05 am #

    oh god i can understand why you changed your job….

    love always…

  10. avatar
    Celticat | 26 March 2010 at 12:19 pm #

    Killer,

    well I did it. I've been to Yoga. A private session just me and Cate and she's wrapped and feeling good. I'm a bit sore but know that I have to do something to stop my back from getting stiffer and sorer than it already is.

    I don't know the form but I think it was just an evaluation session to see where we were at. So I don't know the names but it was one hour of stretching that went really fast. I know that it is going to help me (I can feel that now) and after the 67km paddle from Bunbury to Dunsborough across Geographe back in a few weeks I'll step it up from one night a week.

    You sowed the seed and for that I am very grateful.

    Love to you and your fambley.

    Thanks Steve.

    Love
    Celticat (Andrew in Bunbury).

  11. avatar
    Freddie | 26 March 2010 at 12:44 pm #

    How ever did you end up with a job like that? ! I enjoyed reading this and Iā€™m glad you followed your heart & talent.

  12. avatar
    Broken Toys and Heros | 26 March 2010 at 12:59 pm #

    so often i find myself passing a building and recalling the connection to it from long ago. and i dont even indulge in natures medicine anymore. i do not enjoy the recall if it was a place that i had a bad experience in/near. than u feel like u may relive it again- dreadful. but sometimes it is a place with a pleasant memory of a gorgeous lady or a new found friend- for a moment, i wish i can be back in that timeframe …just for a while…happy again.

    great blog today.
    have a safe flight.

    enjoy today !

    DJK082067

  13. avatar
    Richard | 26 March 2010 at 1:18 pm #

    one of your better ones SK

    and I agree wjth anon at 547

  14. avatar
    John Garratt | 26 March 2010 at 1:55 pm #

    "yeah they suddenly loved me after all that time
    hey no hard feelings"

    Don't the high road feel good sometimes?

    Just got the email about the Kilbey boxset. Hmmm. $100 for 8 CDs and three downloads. Not bad, I guess. But Henry Threadgill's new boxset has arrived too. Should I just be a bastard to my family and get BOTH?

    John Garratt

  15. avatar
    matt davison | 26 March 2010 at 2:09 pm #

    Did ya get what you wanted????

  16. avatar
    robertmadore | 26 March 2010 at 3:05 pm #

    …I'm gonna catch that hoss if I can…

  17. avatar
    m.p.k | 26 March 2010 at 3:38 pm #

    I write programs in JavaScript now. I'm so bored Steve. I used to think this was intelligent. I'm quitting soon. Bye Bye six figures. In the midst of this Recession\Depression. Going out of the box. Can't wait to see you guys. A marker on the road to liberation.

  18. avatar
    Broken Toys and Heros | 26 March 2010 at 8:26 pm #

    so how challenging is it going to be to agree on a 18 song set list for the U.S. tour ? do you stick with mostly crowd favorites, the band's favorites, obscurities not often played live or even acoustic ??? as any truly devoted fan- i often create a wish list/setlist of every tour i have seen here in chicago dating back to 1984 at the Metro. but for this tour i am hoping for you guys to dig deep into ur catalog and put together the most incredible setlist imaginable.

    i do know one thing for sure- when u track back thru time and find ur selves at priest=aura, the most complete piece of perfection ever created…( trying to butter up ur ego…LOL) Please consider "Kings". I believe the crowd would be amazed to her that song played on this tour. and i will lose my mind.

    just a thought,

    DJK082067

  19. avatar
    Saint Louie | 26 March 2010 at 8:42 pm #

    Stevemeister!

    Got meself a copy of "Monster n Mirages"!!!! I had no clue until today, yay!

    Purchased an hour ago from work here, can't wait to go home n download n listen to the rare mp3's, hee hee. Man, that was unexpected. Got the email from 2nd Motion this morning and bought same day. Can't wait for the hardcopy format too! Thanks Steve! I already have most of these from over the years, but am gladly looking forward to the remastered versions of all yur solo work, specially the Bedroom Demo's, etc.

    You still planning on releasing yur blog songs or mini vids too from The Time Being?

    Cool Bro! the only thing I"m down about is that I probably won't be able to see The Church 30th Anniv NA Tour because I cannot get away during the week because I don't have any vacation days to take off šŸ™

    Heck, i might just play hooky, done it before n will do it again if I have to! Wish the Chicago gig was on a weekend? Might just hitch a ride on a train to Cleveland too, who knows!?

    So you guys have anymore dates planned, or is that IT, the dates listed on The Church site?

    I'm praying that the program guide and DMH EP will be for sale somewhere, Church site, 2nd Motion, yur blog, etc? Let us scragglers know please!?

    My Comment on Yur Bog Today:

    Man, i had so many crummy jobs in my life, i can totally relate. Right now though I love my job as i assume you do too šŸ™‚ We're on the level with that in common. I cracked up with your fun on words "the pork and barrel herald", you are a funny man!

    Cheers!
    Kraig

  20. avatar
    cazziem | 26 March 2010 at 11:45 pm #

    The good old 70s, when fashion footwear meant I didn't look like a dwarf compared to everyone else! But even back then as a teenager I preferred my stillettoes and very tight wrangler jean, and still do! Last week I turned 46 and spent quite a few days wondering where the years went and how I got to where I am today.
    My first job was a civil service job too and just as mind numbing!

  21. avatar
    veleska1970 | 27 March 2010 at 12:04 am #

    visualizing you crammed into a little cubicle, programming your life away~~that is so NOT you!! i'm glad you left all that and followed your muse. the world is a much, much better place for it.

    lotza love….

  22. avatar
    davem | 27 March 2010 at 10:31 am #

    They've got us by the balls. Whenever people talk about their "work" I want to scream and run away.
    Glad you escaped – we reaped the rewards!!!!

  23. avatar
    matthew | 27 March 2010 at 3:15 pm #

    OMG – I can't believe they moved your desk too, and threw away your stuff! That happened to me too in the Pubic Service, on days off… it was my cartoons they threw away. I complained bitterly to the Head Honcho Boss Person! He said he would investigate. (They were quite naughty satirical office cartoons.)

  24. avatar
    Ellen | 30 March 2010 at 6:18 pm #

    Computer programming and running. Yep. My husband is a programmer and loves to run. I love to run, but I'm losing interest in marathons.

    Anyway, sorry you had to give up the endorphin-enhancing "drug" due to your knee. So sad about the kindly doctor. Life is just so … fleeting.

    And I'm sure glad you chucked it all to do what you're called to do – ART.


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