posted on December 25, 2006 at 7:51 pm

presents opened safely
everyone fairly happy with their stash
not gonna bore ya with a long list of she got this
and she got that
after a while i go for a swim to bondi beach
its overcast n water is cold
there are big bouncer type guys checking yer bags to get on beach
what are you expecting i ask
sir we’re expecting you to have fun!
i catch some moderate waves
but theyre breaking close to the shore
a few people in but not many
afterwards i do chi gong
buy a green tea n walk back home
thru the silent christmassy suburb
so nice to cruise thru the soundless streets
suddenly things take on significance
a flower here or there
a piece of wood n its patterns
a cluster of weeds
old names in the concrete
matt loves neige
theres only one neige i know
and thats peter k’s daughter…hmmm…
i havent been feeling the best for a cuppla daze
despite the yoga n everything
kinda ever so slightly anxious
kinda achey
kinda tired
the sea has made me a bit better
i wunder if i been overdoing it lately?
just too much everything
i need a holidayfrom everything
oh the caravan down the south coast seems appealing
just ah me on my own
the luxuriating fields
the white noise of the surf
the birds in the flowering trees
no phone no computer
no people
what would my mind turn to….?
at lunchy time we drive up to visit joyce
whos at johns place
elli swears she sees kevin federline
(for some reason she pronounces it fedraline)
at a roof top party
so i scream out
hey fedraline! but no one looks up
elli says
oh exciting to think of a celebrity in bondi, daddy
i say
hes not a celebrity hes married to a celebrity
and i think
hey waita minnit…aint i a celebrity in bondi?
answer: nope
for xmas i finally getta copy of joycies book
(my mother has written a book called
the tale of the old iron pot
about her life
it only goes to 76 when my dad died)
wow its a nice book
pictures of my g.parents i aint ever seen
nice pictures of my dad
you can see at once my mum n dad are english
something about their smiles
my dads bad looking teeth
gee they were quite a glamourous cupple
i mean they had style….
so ive started reading it
a few ooh mum moments
a bit too much info sometimes
and i got really sad when her little puppy nell
got run over n she blamed herself
oh i felt that…….
i often wished i could go back in time
and change things for my mum n dad
they were pretty poor
and i think of the cold n damp of london
i been there sometimes n the only way
i could ever get warm
properly warm
was to have a hot bath
my parents childhood seemed so dickensian to me
all the kids in one bed n one bathwater
the book is an excellent read actually
looking forward to the bits about ME…
i think she wouldnt mind selling a few…..
i’ll keep ya informed
seems it out on karmic hit
so pester jlk for one!
we have a cuppa tea n some english style cakey
my mother tells elli to stop bossing minna around
i dont boss her around says elli
everyone at the table raises their eyes upwards
some even dare to make scoffing sounds
yes you do says says nanna joyce
you were ordering her about just now
minna really enjoys all this
looking about
sorta there…i told you so
elli takes it good naturedly and eventually gives up her chair
not minna who she was ordering to relinquish her seat
“elli is happy to be able to offer you minnas seat” i had said
and everyone had a good giggle
we come home and me n the 2 lotsa twins hit the beach again
the suns out by now n the beach is pretty packed
tho the cold water keeps most of the johnny come latelys out
i catch a cuppla waves and theyre too close to the shore
and i very very narrowly miss out on hurting my stupid self
its easy to hurt yer back if ya hit the sand awkwardly
its strange to stand in the sea
and all around i can hear bloody pommies complaining about
how cold the water is….
go back to bloody ramsgate then you complaining pommy gits
see how sodding warm it is there in decembah!
after a while the water felt warmer than the surrounding air
eventually elli gotta bitta of an ear ache
and we went n had a shower at the north end
e + m split for jlks place where they were having christmas dinner
i stayed with the doodles who played on the muscle building equipment
while i observed humanity
for the guy who says i diss gays:
the gay community was well represented on the beach
a lot of them had bathers with the legend “budgie smuggler” on the bum
and reindear antlers of red foam
say whatever ya like about the gay boys n men
but i tell ya my children
they got better bods than the heteros
ooh such well defined abs n pecs
(didnt see any calves as nice as mine tho)
ya see although im a red blooded hetro yob
i do appreciate the lines of a handsome male physique
and im often staring at the men on the beach
more than the ladies
just something about the aesthetic of male lines n planes
its always interested me
(or am i just checking out the competition)
sadly a lot of the daddies on the beach
have big white beer guts n skinny pale legs
guys only in their 30s who already look totally fucked!
standin’ at the edge of the water shivering n quaking
not daring to go in
go on mr biznesman
you need baptism in that marine nature
get your brut face n calvin klein underarms in that water!
jap tourists swarm everywhere
but they too seem afraid of the water
standing at its edge with their pants rolled up
and taking a million pictures
the italians have arrived too
kicking soccerballs around too close to the sunbathers
some of the reindear boys are being a little too amorous
do i have to really watch this on xmas day?
gee these guys must really be good friends……
oh doodles dont look..
what are they doing dad?
ah…i think theyre “wrestling”….
eventually me n tired doodles trudge wearily home
we have nks delishus leftover veg lasagne for tea
and we have one final walk around nine
aurora its cold bring yer jacket
no its ok im fine dad
no bring yer bloody jacket…its cold
its alright dad…im not cold
then five minutes into walk
big daddy who DID bring HIS jacket cos it WAS cold
has to take it off to give to aurora whos FREEZING HER ASSOFF!
bloody silly doodles!
come home
doodles n bumper eventually go to sleep
me n nk enjoy some champagne
by the lights of our christmas tree
today its boxing day
we’re having a picnic for all killerbeys in nielsen park
mum, russell n amy n kids
johnny n zoe
doodles twillies bumpers
have a good one folks!

41 Responses to “all the children they put ah flowers in their hair……but all the grownups they put ah daggers there, instead”

  1. avatar
    davem | 25 December 2006 at 9:43 pm #

    Still xmas here…and I’m on TTB first!!!

  2. avatar
    ambnt1 | 25 December 2006 at 9:46 pm #



    Uh oh, time for PC School for Old SK. Hope there are no Asian people reading this blog.

    Happy holli-daze.


    n.p. Andrea Bocelli, “?” (being forced on me at parents’ house on X-mas day)

  3. avatar
    davem | 25 December 2006 at 9:56 pm #

    I’m not much into the abs and pecs. I prefer the less toned look. It could be because of my love of real ale to be honest.
    My Priest=Aura poster is now up in the kitchen. Xmas pressie from my wifey.
    Enjoy your picnic – I don’t think I’ll be having one here in England. It’s fffreezin’.

  4. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 December 2006 at 10:01 pm #

    Aw, what a beautiful xmas day you had with all the family sk. We had a nice day too, but it was almost a freezing white xmas here in Melby…rain, hail, cold winds, but who cares when you’re eating and drinking all day, right! (and Santa gave me a ticket to the Harvest Festival, so nothing could ruin my day!!)

    I’ll definitely be buying a copy of your mum’s book, I’d love to see pictures and read about the couple that gave us the one and only sk that we love so much!

    Take care and love always,

  5. avatar
    fantasticandy | 25 December 2006 at 10:16 pm #

    you and NK on the champers eh? over here on neptune we have to make do with cava! nice to know you got on so well with the local fudge packers on their day off,any chance of NK’S veg lasagne recipe? loadzaluv,andy L.

  6. avatar
    the dean | 25 December 2006 at 11:00 pm #

    jack kerouac went alone into the wilderness to write the great americano novel and drove himself nuts, but the south coast is hardly wilderness, there is a great vego cafe in Milton, few and far between down this way.

    I’m a little embarressed to say I’ve felt SK’s amazing calves. Imagine been gracious enough to tolerate some half-pissed nit making this type of request!

  7. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 December 2006 at 11:19 pm #

    nice to spend the holde day with your family,thats christmas, and think of all the gifts we will have in january or february. a new book from mother kilbey, a new cd from steve and maybe something new from russel and jfk

    have a nice stay in the nelsons park. I’m going to bed.good night

    t-a-b Bodoe norway

  8. avatar
    damien | 26 December 2006 at 12:05 am #

    Whaddya kids know?

    You ARE a celebrity in Bondi!


  9. avatar
    Anonymous | 26 December 2006 at 12:35 am #

    thanks, and you too.

    can you update on on the project with Martin Kennedy please?


  10. avatar
    captainmission | 26 December 2006 at 12:39 am #

    these days everyones a celebrity, i think even i had a celebrity moment once in revsby, when steve said, ‘look there’s captain mission’ in the middle of a gig.

    they have this show called ‘i’m a celebrity get me outta here’ and one of the celebrity’s was the sister of paul burrel who was Princess Di’s butler. The sister was billed as a celebrity!!!!

  11. avatar
    Melissa | 26 December 2006 at 1:14 am #

    Thanks for sharing beautiful blog with us today, really enjoyed reading it 🙂 I always feel a little bummed out this time of year, so I can empathise with wanting to escape 🙂 Even a jump in the sea would be loverly, but it’s so freezing down here in Mel-born .. even snowing in the alps!

    Bought myself a Harvest festival ticket for Chrissie, and a couple more for friends .. so looking forward to it now!

    Enjoy your pic-inic today!

  12. avatar
    (('{~_~}')) | 26 December 2006 at 2:04 am #

    Winter clothes and heaters in summer.
    The coldest December 25 in Melbourne on record, the mercury peaking at just 14.5 degrees Celsius.
    A white Christmas in parts of Victoria and Tasmania, which are still battling fires.

    Rain, rain, don’t go away come back another day!
    Fabulous, beautiful rain! Real rain! Forgot what it was like.

    In Woods Point a north-east Victorian town, residents danced and partied in the streets celebrating Christmas rain which has ended a three-week fire threat, putting out the last of the spot fires.

    I’m home today just looking at the rain, feeling it’s cleansing. Everything is wet. The plants and trees must be very happy.

  13. avatar
    Anonymous | 26 December 2006 at 3:10 am #

    Weve got the golf of Mexico here in galvetraz… i think this blog may have inspired a spark in me to get out there and be with the marine life too. I used to surf a little… i taught myself! I need to get out there more. So many things to take in and just be with. So much calm.
    Merry CMAS mr. K man. Love hearing about your great life. And if your not a celebrity anywhere, you definately should be! You and the band are so under-rated!
    Love all that you do!
    Galveston TX

  14. avatar
    Anonymous | 26 December 2006 at 3:11 am #

    To cover the last 6 months or so, consider yourself PP’d, Mr K.
    Vive le blogge, and best wishes for 007.

  15. avatar
    (('{~_~}')) | 26 December 2006 at 3:38 am #

    JL Kilbey and Zoe,

    I’m helping your true love prevail by voting at:

    Fellow Time beings, can vote for Zoe’s art and help her win the Noise cash prize, she’s at No 2 with less than one week to go! We can help get her to Numero Uno by voting daily!

    Help Zoe make more art!

  16. avatar
    Anonymous | 26 December 2006 at 3:47 am #


    Great post today, I really had a laugh. All beaches seem to be the same, mine as well. All kindsa people. Been on the beach today, had a swim with me mongrel, some overweighted ladies making sand castles with their kids, well-built boys gazing at each other like chous d’amour, and some little thieves of course, strolling around, eventually looking at little me sitting on the sand, for their disappointment. Well, I was wearing a man’s swimming shorts, too big for me, black unsexy bra on top, no fancy bikinis to be seen, no money, no wallets, no cameras, just wet me and wet me dog, dark skin, unvaluable stuff, no bags, my dog’s not a pug, nor a yorkshire, nor a husky (there are assholes who have huskies in a hell-hot place like this, murderers) it is a black and white like mongrel with a rolled up tail, very streetwise little bitch, she was born in an island to the south, I lived there for some months, in a room with a bathroom and a little oven on a corner, washing dishes in the bathroom’s sink, eternal rain on the forest outside… We found the two baby dogs, brother and sister, on a beach, abandoned, the male died, painful and long death, a nightmare really, and I went into the forest and dug a hole with my hands and nails under a big tree in a hidden place, well past a waterfall, and buried him there. The female is alive, very alive. Eats all sorts of wasted things she finds everywhere, rests of food, maybe shit, once I caught her choosing little tidbits in a puddle of vomit, heaven knows what’s the appeal of such a thing, I gave up eventually, don’t even wanna watch, tried to make her stop, tried to teach her that it is no good thing to eat rotten fish or rotten whatever, used some predictably useless violence, but she refuses to change, looks at me in defiance, as if saying “I know you don’t like it but get used to it, I have to eat, it’s a command of my blood”. Ok, eat away. Christmas was alright too, family, they live a little far away, one hour ride on an endless road that cuts open the city. Great night, great moments with family. Close to midnight, we said goodby, got in the car and made the way back on the same road. At midnight, people of the poor neighborhoods that margin the road started to light fireworks, as if Jesus was born at midnight of december 25, and there were colourful explosions all the way back home. In the back seat, staring at the window, I saw three or four red darts glowing bellow the fireworks, spearing the sky in a sharp diagonal. Bullets. Expected, but never wanted. The driver, me brotherinlaw, saw no thing, and I didn’t say no thing, we got used to this kind of thing and what difference would it make, the guy runs like a bat outta hell behind a wheel, it wouldn’t change a thing to tell him that there was machinegunning, maybe he would get nervous, or would run even more, and, ya know… Have to believe in fate, when the bullet’s got your name on it, it doesn’t matter how much you run (tho it is recommended that you do run a little, show fate that you’re at least trying). And, honestly, fireworks and bullets, that’s me home, I am on the verge of finding it poetic, or picturesque, geometric sketches of parties and war.

    That’s it for today. Wonder what will be tomorrow.

    Thanks, friend, for writing this blog, it makes me wanna write too. Maybe I will get myself a blog and stop cramming your site with the crazy shit of me life.

    Hugs from me,
    Little stick doll.

  17. avatar
    Anonymous | 26 December 2006 at 4:04 am #

    Dear SK,

    Oh wow! (To quote your precious B.B.) What a show at the Basement. You, MWP & Tim were really firing. Your brilliance was elevated to a new level. Every time I think you can’t get any better – you do! (Pink who??) A special X’mas Eve birthday I’ll never forget. Thank you for a magic night.

    On the way home Therese bought me a birthday champers at Jacksons and a guy, seeing “The Church” on my t-shirt, came over to me wanting to be “saved”. He thought I was some kind of religious zealot or high priestess. I had to tell him The Church is a band. Would like to have heard his confession though!
    ‘Tis the silly season, that’s fer sure.

    Steve, I hope you had a great Christmas. I’m sure there was a lot of love and laughter at Chez Kilbey. Wishing you and your loved ones a happy, healthy and safe New Year.

    God bless.
    Lady Di

  18. avatar
    (('{~_~}')) | 26 December 2006 at 4:14 am #

    WARNING! Just read that there will be a celebrity in Bondi (other than you of course).

    Paris Hilton is set to party in Sydney on NYE.

    Paris will apparently help advertising man John Singleton select one of 40 bikini clad babes to be the face of his new beer, Bondi Blonde.

    Will you be giving that beer a try SK?

    Make sure you keep the twillies away from her!

  19. avatar
    (('{~_~}')) | 26 December 2006 at 4:32 am #

    Little stick doll, I’ve been told that if someone comes at you will a gun, it works to your advantage to run away in a zig zag motion.

  20. avatar
    Richard | 26 December 2006 at 4:35 am #

    My wife put three envelopes for me under the christmas tree. In the first were air tickets from Darwin to Adelaide. In the second, a letter confirming a booking for two nights at a B&B in the Clare valley. The third, tickets to see the Church (and a few supports(!)) at Annies Lane vineyard.

    It’s been a long time since I’ve made a point of telling everyone what I got for christmas!

  21. avatar
    Anonymous | 26 December 2006 at 4:53 am #

    Happy Boxing Day,

    Hope Santa was good to you and the family and you enjoyed the Soy Turkey.

    Had the best time Sat nite! SPACE ROCK RULES! Music was amazing, was transfixed, transported to space (came back to planet earth with a jolt – wish I was still there). What a bass player u are, fingers effortlessly striking just the right chord with the gentle touch one min then frenzied out of space jamming the next. Head was spinning going from you to Marty, to Tim – guitars at fever pitch, drums reaching crescendo……
    As if the space music wasn’t good enough (no breaks in between most songs, blending straight into the next one), u topped it all off by playing Block (one of my favs). Wow, what can I say – did you hear all the cheers coming from up the back. You guys worked so hard and gave us so much – what a great Chrissie pressie. U would have been pleased (as was I) that there was no talk, u had the audience transfixed and enjoying the rocket ride to the dark side of the moon. Hope the show was recorded. Would love a repeat performance – please, please, please – encore.

    After Basement bought d a b’day champers at Jacksons. The Barman noticed my Church t-shirt and said he really likes the band. He especially loves UTMW & Ungarded Moment. Told him about the mind boggling show we had just seen.

    Thanks for signing the Bah Humbug card for d. I kept it till X’mas Day to give her, she was thrilled & surprised, it was a well kept secret. I’m so lucky to have her as my sister and best friend. Love her taste in music too, must run in the family.

    Know you’ve been a strong influence on her, for X’mas 2 presents she gave me were a buddah candle (2 good to burn him) and The Yoga Deck, 50 poses and meditation for Body, Mind & Spirit (I know I need that). I have done a bit of yoga but this is my inspiration to really get involved in it.

    Told Tim we’ll wave at the State Theatre but will be way up the back, lost in the depths of space.

    Take care, relax and enjoy the special time with the family.

    Love t

  22. avatar
    JJ | 26 December 2006 at 4:54 am #

    Christmas is drawing to a close over here in Jawja (Atlanta), back from my own mum & dad’s & bros & sister….big familia gathering thing as is the holiday tradition. Weather Channel ladies say snow flurries tomorrow (!) – I’d like that.

    SK surfs? Catching waves….body surfing or longboard with Uninvited painting emblazoned on the surface? A beach at Christmas sounds strange to a yob like me, but nice too. Enjoyed the descriptions of the beachgoer body morphs, beerguts and skinny legs, jap tourists, but “Budgie Smuggler” on the bum….hmm, not quite sure what that means, it sounds suggestive.

    Must have been a great show at the Basement from the comments – really enjoyed that blogge entry too. Been without the internet for a day n’ a half. Just got back from Chrissy movie watching, lotsa people at theatre bored with relatives, family & whatnot – packed. “The Good Shephard”….cold, cold Matt Damon as CIA drone running the Bay of Pigs operation in Cuba, overthrowing governments in central america, the usual CIA shenanigans, those wacky guys from Skull & Bones.

    Enjoyed the beach scenes vicariously, more adventures of twillies and doodles…..looking forward to the next installment.

    p.s. P=A shirt just arrived from CherchMerch….excellent. Love that ziggurat & jackel.

  23. avatar
    Anonymous | 26 December 2006 at 5:13 am #

    You might as well run zigzaggilly, depending on the kind of gun. But still, the best option is to take a good look at the gunner and try to make him laugh, if he is not laughing already.

  24. avatar
    Anonymous | 26 December 2006 at 5:29 am #

    thanx 4 the good time tales dude, i look forward to reading about your exciting celebrity life…brightens my dull one and inspires me. don’t ever listen to the politically correct enforcers, nicknames for ethnic groups adds spice to language. trying to learn all your basslines from church cassettes, but get caught up in MWP’s searing guitar rifts, and become distracted. feel guilty every time i eat meat, but poverty dictates diet. you R right about Jax,Fla its a hole, moving to that place broke my back, and not just from swimming in the ocean. have made peace with b side of p=a. thanx for the free downloads on KH.

  25. avatar
    Krissythegroupie | 26 December 2006 at 5:46 am #

    When we say JAPs we mean Jewish American Princesses. I dunno. That was a cute post..Mewwy Christmas.

  26. avatar
    geenunn | 26 December 2006 at 5:48 am #

    sounds like a full day sk… the spacerock show sounded like a corker… sad i missed that one.

    look forward to talking soon


  27. avatar
    Anonymous | 26 December 2006 at 6:36 am #

    Jesus – the comments are nearly all longer than your blog today Killa!

  28. avatar
    Anonymous | 26 December 2006 at 6:52 am #

    me remember when me scored some hashish in me Amsterdam on boxing day way back when…

  29. avatar
    sparkli sista | 26 December 2006 at 7:28 am #

    Noone could ever out-calve you!!

  30. avatar
    John Garratt | 26 December 2006 at 2:18 pm #

    “sadly a lot of the daddies on the beach
    have big white beer guts n skinny pale legs
    guys only in their 30s who already look totally fucked!?”

    Sound like America?


  31. avatar
    davidcwelker | 26 December 2006 at 3:22 pm #

    enjoyed the holiday posts.

  32. avatar
    Anonymous | 26 December 2006 at 3:36 pm #

    and how about “jap thing” from artifacts?


  33. avatar
    nickfiction | 26 December 2006 at 3:42 pm #

    I like the beach description, sounds like your beach is full of ramblers/ just like our beach, only your “pool” is a bit larger , and has sharks…..

  34. avatar
    Andromeda7 | 26 December 2006 at 3:51 pm #

    christmas/ny imp has me and is refusing so far to let go

  35. avatar
    veleska1970 | 26 December 2006 at 4:04 pm #

    thanks~~yes, we did have a good one. i spent christmas with my beloved daughter and my sweetheart; i couldn’t have asked for a more perfect day, spending it with my two most favorite people in the world.


  36. avatar
    veleska1970 | 26 December 2006 at 4:06 pm #

    to andromeda7: i hope your imp takes a hike soon….

    to ((‘{~_~}’)): thank you; hugs back.

  37. avatar
    John Garratt | 26 December 2006 at 5:55 pm #


    Rob Dickinson says in his newsletter: Steve Kilbey, the group’s singer, proved to be most excellent
    and I thank him and hope that he and his family and his “doodles” are
    and blossoming and feeling just fine. I hope Van 1 and Van 2 are all
    feeling just
    fine this Christmas time.

  38. avatar
    kat | 26 December 2006 at 7:56 pm #


    the beach sounds nice. now here we just have the oHiO chemical brown river . sounds as if you do need a break… i hope u get it


  39. avatar
    mandn | 26 December 2006 at 8:27 pm #

    oh that sounds lovely.
    not so near the ocean here in Philadelphia,
    plus we call it “down the shore”. Silly colloquialisms.

    Nikki and I had a wonderful Christmas Day.
    Semi-homemade and lots of friends and food.

    On the gay boy front, I love the gay boys.
    We have loads fun together and they DO
    have the best bodies. *sigh*
    My drag queen friends are too much.
    They have the best make-up tips.

    Happy haps to you and yours Orpheus.


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