posted on June 24, 2006 at 7:17 pm

you wanna know what it is like to be me?
i know
i know
why would you wanna
its a presumptuous question
but sometimes,
i know i do,
sometimes wouldnt ya give everything
just to be someone else just for 10 minutes
just to get a break from the guy in here
youre so sick of
just check out somebody else view
whats it like thru other eyes for a change
you know what
you never really gonna find out
thats not the answer you were hoping for
maybe you wished somehow
on this blog by some olde singer
there could be a technique for mind transference
i wish i could say you were right
i wish i could say then imagine this
its exactly 5.27 am
its cold
youre sitting in your kitchen with a woolly hat
hunched over a laptop
typing this too who are you?
are you imagining hard enough?
i dont feel the tiny push of your intrusion
into my life at all
take a swig of pitta tea with m. honey
cold hands
one finger typist
hunched over
shoulders startin’ to complain
thats how ya did it last time hisses your left shouder
and im next joins in the right
gulp more tea
youve made two cups cos youre gonna need it
dawn is a lovely time
remember when the thought of dawn made you cower
the horrible sick dawn arriving?
poor dawn, knockin’ at yer door
steven she says in some germanic accent
open the dooor I am here!!
and you know you cant keep this lady out any longer
so you pull something on
race downstairs
peer thru the little hole
oh its dawn alright
one of your voices says
well she floods into the place
and there you are
all alone baybee
the radiators whirr and bubble
dawn goes up the stairs
out on the balcony
pull those curtains
but shes still standing out there
sleep closes its doors
you bang on sleeps doors
hoping to be readmitted
when a very angry man pops his head out
and says
dont let me see you before about 10 oclock tonite!
why do i have to wait
you/i wail
i mean it he says
now scram!

open the curtains
ok
dawn steps back in
somehow suddenly older
not radiant and golden
but grey and timid
and while you were trying to get into sleep
she stood there patiently withering
as though she just needed
a fix of aknowledgement by you
to keep her held
although today is sunday
a bad day to feel bad
more tea
cold empty beach day
car parks empty days
foggy quiet day
mr winter i dont like you anymore
mr winter youre makin’ me sadlook around the wallls
pictures of tori amos jostle buddhas n ganesha statues
masks stare down from walls with peeling white paint
everwhere bulging with mail, scissors, pens, bills, potplants
bowloffruit, vases with real n fake flowers
thermometer n ghetto blaster
a bamboo plant that needs a serious haircut
a few weary ants up early on their shift
to locate and transport
any food lying around
books, cds, a wooden parrot on a stick
are you here with me now
i dont know
is that you
or just mr winter
chilling me down to the bone
here its still dark actually
6 oclock nearly and still dark
both cups of tea gone
my typing hand n finger
are especially cold n distant
the shoulders start complaining again
its enough already they say
finish it now
and
blame it on us!

28 Responses to “begegnungen 2”

  1. avatar
    the other one | 24 June 2006 at 9:05 pm #

    5:27am. It could last forever.

  2. avatar
    Anonymous | 24 June 2006 at 9:35 pm #

    the other, other one said:

    answer: no, no idea.

    but i like to very, very much.

  3. avatar
    Daniel 26, 16 | 24 June 2006 at 10:11 pm #

    “dawn is a lovely time”

    Dawn might be all there is (or what life is all about). “In my beginning”, et cetera…

  4. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 June 2006 at 12:28 am #

    “Yes”

    “But for that,”

    said Frank, the inconspicuous government worker who nobody noticed at the bar deludingly escaping his sorrows through the indulgence of strong drink and other substances in one form or another, and another whilst watching [with some envey I might ad] this trio’s advancement into the void,

    “You will need the LONG FORM which you can download now”

  5. avatar
    captainmission | 25 June 2006 at 12:49 am #

    it’s always dawn somewhere’s, and one man’s dawn is another man’s dusk.
    hope you’re in good health spirit and love, enjoying the day and all she brings.

  6. avatar
    lee | 25 June 2006 at 12:59 am #

    Freaky Sunday?

  7. avatar
    fergal | 25 June 2006 at 2:04 am #

    waiting for whom
    at the edge of dusk?
    ~

  8. avatar
    sue cee | 25 June 2006 at 2:40 am #

    Steven Kilbey, you are in the wrong century! Im sure you’ve travelled forward from Europe’s 1800’s

  9. avatar
    verdelay | 25 June 2006 at 2:57 am #

    Dawn is your mother

    When you’re a baby, any sign of her and you’re all business

    When your’re a child, you need her to drive away the darkness

    When you’re a teenager, she’s always on your case, busting your night-time scene

    When you’re a young adult, she’s someone you know all too well, and resent ‘cos things are simply better when the light’s down low.

    When you’re a little older, you lose touch with her a little. But she’s always there.

    When you’re older still, you begin to appreciate you her anew. Things are cool and fresh at dawn. So that’s what she meant.

    What’s going on here? Life throws up these confusing shadows. You wait, and she sheds some light on things.

    Comes a time when you wait for the dawn but she never comes. A time of perpetual night, and you wonder how life can ever go on.

    In the eventide of life, you realise that the only thing you’ll ever amount to can only be seen at dawn.

    The sun still comes up, but it’s not the same.

    You have a photograph of yourself with the dawn, and you’re amazed at how young you both look.

    One day you just don’t wake up, and the dawn unfolds without you.

    Dawn is your mother.

    She gave you your life.

  10. avatar
    veleska1970 | 25 June 2006 at 3:19 am #

    sounds like your house is just as full of junk as mine is….

    yeah, i guess i would want to see what it’s like to be someone else for a little while……always wondering if the grass is indeed greener on the other side…..

  11. avatar
    Dawn Treader, Occupational Therapist | 25 June 2006 at 3:36 am #

    learn to type is my advice
    your shoulders will think you’re very nice
    more energy then for brain to function
    no mind and finger key disjunction
    i know its hard you’re in denial
    but honey its freedom from the spiral
    you got the white good in the kitchen
    laptop now like an addiction
    make it tilted on the table
    or rsi will be no fable
    heed my words my dear sweet writer
    or pain will dog ya like a blighter!

  12. avatar
    the dean | 25 June 2006 at 3:48 am #

    Erskine is that you?

  13. avatar
    veleska1970 | 25 June 2006 at 4:36 am #

    steve, if you really only use one finger to type, i cannot imagine what an arduous, labored, agonizingly slow process it is to finish your blog every day!! (especially as active and constantly moving as your mind is, steve!! must be a bitch for your thoughts to have to wait for your finger to catch up with them.)

    learning to type could be an advantage, as “dawn treader” says. but, then on the other hand, maybe learning to type isn’t such a good thing after all. the end result is the dreaded carpal tunnel, which i suffer from. after many many years of typing, my speed is 85+ words per minute, but the downside of being able to type that fast is numbness in my fingers and sore arms and wrists.

    there’s nothing like waking up in the middle of the night because your arm is totally dead from the elbow downward!!

  14. avatar
    eek | 25 June 2006 at 4:38 am #

    I suspect if we were able to really step inside someone else — anyone else — and know what it was like to be that person, we’d all be disappointed.

    It’s probably best that we all get to think other people have better or more interesting lives than to find out everyone else is just as irritated with their lives as we are with ours. We’d all be so damned discouraged….

  15. avatar
    davem | 25 June 2006 at 7:10 am #

    Same junk here – bills, postcards, unfinished artwork and homework & all the other usual clutter.
    But it’s summer in blighty & the sun’s managed to work it’s way through the clouds….it makes me feel great.
    Get a massage for those shoulders SK & have a walk on that cold, empty beach. I’m land-locked here, so the beach sounds wonderful.
    Ants are busy here too.
    love you more

  16. avatar
    Queen Hatshepsut | 25 June 2006 at 7:37 am #

    Steve,
    So it’s a bit after midnight on a summer Sunday in the Northern Hemisphere, and I sit down, listening to Joni Mitchell and feel Melancholia taking hold again (she is such an incessant b**** sometimes!), and here you are…so close, so far. For some reason, I found this entry on your blog to be one of your most touching, heartfelt and beautiful yet. I could see everything you described so clearly…the debris of daily life surrounding us all..but man, it was the parrot that got me. I laughed; so I’m kind of sad, but so happy you are you and I am me, and so appreciative that you’re sharing yourself with us in this way.

    I admit, when you said you’d end this blog in November, I thought, “Oh well, that’s too bad, but I understand.” Now I feel selfish and horrible and can’t imagine not having this feast to read every day. What can we do to (bribes, hint hint) to keep you writing? You are like an old friend I’ve never met (though I have met you and I’m sure you remember it oh so clearly ;)) and one I can never let go of.

    I am glad you are you and that our current lives have crossed. Stay warm, drink more tea, cuddle with the doodles and S…
    love,
    denise
    xxoo

  17. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 June 2006 at 10:08 am #

    I agree with Denise, sk, what can we do to keep you writing this beautiful stuff??? I’ll do anything, just ask me….go on!!! There’s so many people out there (besides Denise and I, I’m sure!) that love reading your thoughts, and, even if they don’t admit it, want it every day!!!

    Anyway, I think you know what I’m trying to say, sorry if I sound like a psycho. See ya.

    Amanda P

  18. avatar
    markm | 25 June 2006 at 10:48 am #

    i feel like I’m right there with ya….beautiful stuff steve….
    mark

  19. avatar
    mel | 25 June 2006 at 11:37 am #

    Dear SK

    You are such a beautiful painter of words

    Thank you so much!

  20. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 June 2006 at 12:08 pm #

    I know I am a tad naughty doin this SK .. but how are fellow Auckland, (NZ) feeinz to know otherwise???? And you gize are sooooo damn overdue here it’s not funny.. 22 years overdue in fact.

    So.. without further ado..

    Not The Church.. But Damn Close – a selection of Church songs performed LIVE & solo

    ST JAMES THEATRE – Grand Circle, AUCKLAND CITY, NZ, THURS 27 JULY 2006. see NZ Herald Gig guide for details

    If you cant have The Church “Live” in Auckland, this is the not so poor cousin..

    Be there on Thurs 27 July 2006 all you Kiwi feeinz, I’d love to meet you!!

    I can promise you out of respect, I wouldnt dream of doin this projec unless I could do it justice. Ask Dutch Pierre.. and SK, he did give you the CD I did for you?

    Paul Lightfoot

  21. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 June 2006 at 12:29 pm #

    And if Matt Davison is the only Auckland Feeeind to turn up, which he will do for sure.. as much as I’d love him to be there, that would be sad 🙁

    so come along and hear the likes of:

    for a moment we’re strangers / othertime / almost with you / utmw / buffalo / day 5 / fly / comedown / into my hands / spark / song for the asking

    Paul, Auckland

  22. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 June 2006 at 12:38 pm #

    Paul, are you related to Gordon, or do you get that all the time? 🙂

  23. avatar
    Anonymous | 25 June 2006 at 12:59 pm #

    Definately not!!! and yes.. Most days..

    I just watched Wolf Creek
    (great!) and it says I was the stunt driver, key grip, and my brother David Lightfoot produced it!!! alas not true, but maybe just as disturbing..

  24. avatar
    (('{~_~}')) | 25 June 2006 at 1:49 pm #

    I definitely would “give everything just to be someone else just for 10 minutes”. Being me is all that I know, mind and body. Thing is, who would I be? I wonder how it might change me?

    The Mormons believe that we have come here from heaven to take a human form to bring back to heaven with us, that we were originally all spirits. Makes you wonder why you chose the body that you did? I wonder if you can upgrade? I did ask some Mormons once if there was a particular age body you took back with you. Twenty years old, forty years old? They couldn’t tell me. I wouldn’t want to go back spending an eternity looking and feeling eighty. Don’t know about the Mormons, what with their holy undergarments and all!

  25. avatar
    John Garratt | 25 June 2006 at 9:04 pm #

    Damn shoulders…

    John

  26. avatar
    Tony Pucci | 26 June 2006 at 3:03 am #

    “…dawn is a feeling…”

  27. avatar
    Altres | 26 June 2006 at 4:28 am #

    It’s a sorta fairytale.

  28. avatar
    mattdavison | 28 June 2006 at 5:03 am #

    really like that one it was a lot more real then some of its brothers and sisters.

    A big smile to ya KS


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