posted on October 11, 2007 at 7:17 am

when its over
when its all over
walk to houses
in darknesses
your skin is shivery
shuddering slightly
as neurons and nerves still fizz and pop
trees black shapes in warm night
girl in dreamy mood
you try to talk
what was it you said
did it make any sense
suddenly back in the world of sense
no longer sensual or sensuous or
empire of the senses
just sense
a name
a number
a number of names
names of numbers
the mundane world was waiting
but i reentered it from another angle
i had been a seer
and i had seen
i had penetrated some of earths mystery
but what was it now you thought about it
so much uncontainable with words
much of a muchness you might say
all too much indeed
hard to tell what happened as it happens
im having a shower terri says as she wanders away
you walk into town and buy some fanta
unbelievably you meet 2 guys you know from canberra
staying in a big house a few miles away in the night
room for me ? you say
yeah they say
and you climb in the back of their panel van
stretch out on the mattress in the back
they never even wake you up when they arrive
you go on sleeping until morning
climb out
its the next day
as per usual
the festival begins
bands come on
some amazingly good
some amazingly fucking bad
its loud and hot
your sunburnt and your ears hurt
you buy your first ever veggie burger
ah its delicious
down at the creek the people are bathing naked
steven you got an eyefull
your friends from canberra getting eyefull as well
people tripping and naked women
music jamming the frequencies
yeah offer the cops some flowers
smoking cigarettes with strangers
tully or some one
or tamam shud
or khavas jute
which was it
oh they were real real good
the music was picking up from mushrooms echoes
the music at this volume with all these people
the music with guitars spiralling upwards like a galaxy
the music pounding out the beat
all the players blond longhaired jesus like that
the bass guitar so fat and juicy exploding in your abdomen
like a lovely kick in the minds guts
the bass guitar pumping and rolling
the bass guitar travelling so low just above the ground
the bass guitar like a rubber punch in the head
the bass guitar like a brutal bastard
the bass guitar pummels you into next week
the bass guitar oh yeah
wow doesnt that make up your mind
toby twirl in the boiling crowd
wow hes wasted i guess
king astral come on
theyre ok
theyre pretty good
theyre alright
terrys good though
terry looks like apollo up there
his white precision
his bare feet
the wind lifts hair like a halo around him
he stares out skywards
like hes communicating with zeus
i like the music
but not the singer
hes a bit of a shouter
macho moves too
of course
it turns out
he is terris boyfriend
everything is strange
you see them together
how do you feel
sick
why dwell on it
you could have made a mountain out of it
you hopped in back of mates panel van with 2 other guys
you drove away
back down the coast
smoke cigarettes
drink flavoured milk
eat chips and toasted tomato sandwich
dropped off at terris house
where blue car waits patiently
a gentle melancholy has set in
the elation has ebbed away
the rain is falling like it was only a few nights ago here
same rain
same night
no terry
or terri
just you
the mazda starts up with a cough and a jerk
radio playing if not for you
a sweet stab in your heart
it reminds you of them
and that eternity ago
when you were on the road to nimbin
only a matter of days
the pebbles crunch underfoot
the lawn is lush
a man comes out of the gate
looks at me as i drive off
the father i suppose
he certainly looked like it
there absence is an ache to me
i miss them
im so lonely and lonesome and alone
i drive south towards sydney
some people there maybe i could stayanight
sydney with his lights and noise
i want to drown my loneliness amongst its crowds
i’ll go to bondi and eat chips and body surf
i’ll think of terry and terri constantly
i’ll feel like i’m grieving and leaving and temporary
i’ll watch telly and have a cup of tea
i’ll have a proper shower
and a lie down
i’ll walk down hall street at night
see my reflections in the windows
hear music in my head
feel better
soon

47 Responses to “burly fin”

  1. avatar
    Fandorin | 11 October 2007 at 8:49 am #

    thank you for the novel. a teenage symphony in a coconut shell and six movements.

  2. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 October 2007 at 9:08 am #

    🙁 =*3l==l ….xxA

  3. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 October 2007 at 9:21 am #

    Don’t worry Killer,

    you’ve still got me.

    B.Bon

  4. avatar
    Faye | 11 October 2007 at 9:36 am #

    Terri would be pretty bloody stupid to choose the pop star over you SK….imagine if she knew the person you truly are!You would need a glue solvent .You are so beautiful Steve,and ,a beautiful writer,and human being,one of god’s most magnificent beasts. peace and love . XO

  5. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 October 2007 at 9:52 am #

    swimming naked?..yeeehah!..Yes! ..love . ;-)))

  6. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 October 2007 at 10:01 am #

    This says nothing to me about my life – but I love the way you’ve imbued it with a sense of warm, hazy reflectionand the hint that somewhere out there tonight, just behind the surface in the non-linear process of time, that night is still happening. Wonderful.

  7. avatar
    veleska1970 | 11 October 2007 at 10:07 am #

    parting is sweet sorrow, huh? i’m sad it is over.

  8. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 October 2007 at 10:13 am #

    shit isn’t it the way…many good things always seem to come to an end but much of the bad shit just keeps on grinding on…
    what a poignant ending to a pivotal life event…wonder what terry and terri are doing these days…i agree with faye, terri must have had rocks in her head to pass you by…
    love always
    -The Hellbound Heart

  9. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 October 2007 at 10:22 am #

    Oh how I love the way you write, my lord…came here today after a long absence to find you fresh and fierce and finely unbalanced as you ever were. In your hands dreams become truths and fables histories. Do you have any idea how relentlessly brilliant this really is ??! I wonder today, as always – when are you going to share this with the plebs and make some serious money ? Thank you for reviving me, for inspiring me, for finding the world in a grain of sand. I miss you.
    Love to you & your girls
    Julia xx

  10. avatar
    12str | 11 October 2007 at 11:36 am #

    the sweetness of the pain..
    the pain that gives birth to so much poetry,music and art.. it tought me a lot… i miss it sometimes… so simple.. black or white.. joy or sorrow… it all fades to grey as you grow older..

  11. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 October 2007 at 11:56 am #

    if you cry onto your computer,will it explode?…that was so sad SK,and beautiful…”Hearts will never be practical,until they are made unbreakable”-the tin man-the wizard of oz…what bittersweet mechanism we are blessed with..a heart that soars with love,because that is its potential,and as a result of its intensity and presence,can shatter just as devastatingly..we’re all so lucky to be alive,and feel this…EVERYTHING IS NOW!…and Terri?…what a wally she is,letting you drive away..she needs a good seeing to,that girl!…beauty and sadness,a beautiful blog SK!,….a lovely night to you ,love,as always,gen xxxxx

  12. avatar
    isolde | 11 October 2007 at 11:57 am #

    hmmph
    good riddance!
    now wash that two timin trollop right outta your hair

  13. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 October 2007 at 12:26 pm #

    * you are so special…so beautiful!*…..jb x

  14. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 October 2007 at 12:47 pm #

    I’d say that you are still the SK that you always have been,as you are the on in here…but to me,after reading this blog,you don’t seem as dauntingly unapproachable…./gb love .

  15. avatar
    Ethereal Butterfly | 11 October 2007 at 1:10 pm #

    poignant and beautiful all at once…. I think you’ve inspired us all to drive back in time in our little blue cars for a while, I know I have….. flutter flutter flutter……..

    thank you

  16. avatar
    Candy | 11 October 2007 at 1:59 pm #

    tooth-ache!Mmmmmmmmm{sigh} chilli n chocolate n a brandy soaked prune.;-) hee hee ! x

  17. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 October 2007 at 3:09 pm #

    beautiful one,good night x

  18. avatar
    fantasticandy | 11 October 2007 at 3:47 pm #

    i just had a particularly crappy day at work.
    came home and read this.
    i’m stumped..don’t know what to say.

    thanks?…that seems somehow inadequate.
    luv,
    andy L.

  19. avatar
    Cee | 11 October 2007 at 4:09 pm #

    lord, can you hear me now…or am I lost?

  20. avatar
    mandn | 11 October 2007 at 6:03 pm #

    it’s been so long Orpheus.
    Sorry to have been away.

    happiness to you and all

    Cheers!
    M

  21. avatar
    verdelay | 11 October 2007 at 6:59 pm #

    As we’ve all just seen
    It’s all still there
    Unchanged
    Ever changing
    Always pulsating
    This creature of shadows we naively call
    Memory
    She’s still 19
    You’re still 113
    The same water flows
    In exactly the same spot
    Nothing has moved
    Except everything else
    And like sparks from the mane of the beast
    A thousand fires light up
    All around the world
    A thousand first times
    Align like stars in a dark firmament
    A map of the heavens
    We all look up in wonder
    And wonder how we’ll ever follow it
    With just another day.

    Anyway, thanks for that. A little light just flickered on somewhere deep and dark.

  22. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 11 October 2007 at 7:25 pm #

    An adroitly composed and emotional blog full of yearning, melancholy and resignation. I hope Morrissey does not read Sk’s blogs because he will use much of the material as inspiration for his sad songs about unrequited love. These days SK is amidst nothing but love in his female dominated abode.

    David Cameron and Gordon Born are more appealing than George “Bulldozer” Bush and Dick “Chainsaw” Cheney the most environmentally destructive Presidential administration in modern history.

  23. avatar
    davem | 11 October 2007 at 8:28 pm #

    Glad you chose the bass and that you’ve never been a shouter.
    The voice gets better but you never, ever compromised it over all these years. Pure silk ,the perfect voice for the sonic soundscapes only The Chrunch can create. Listened to Saturation played very loud earlier….effing heck. Very, very proud of what you’ve done and I’m very privileged to have been along for the ride.
    Love you more,

    davem
    x

  24. avatar
    davem | 11 October 2007 at 8:33 pm #

    Brilliantly said Julia. Please stay tuned in each day? This man deserves it. Please subscribe.
    x

  25. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 October 2007 at 10:05 pm #

    passionately,and sadly,and ever so slowly,going around the riverbend,in the fog..;-( x blinded by music,deafened by silence.the river flows without me ,and I want to swim.I am wading my way through the reeds.I need a hand to hold,on these mossy rocks today.

  26. avatar
    Thelonious | 11 October 2007 at 10:36 pm #

    Track Terri down Steve. You still probably are in there with a chance 30yrs on.

  27. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 October 2007 at 10:52 pm #

    A movie in the making sk, what a great writer you are.

    I can’t wait to hear what you’ve been up to in the real world, any news on Painkiller, the new Church album recordings, the Church tour, the Mimesis tour(ha!)…are you happy, healthy, what’s on the ipod…. ANYTHING??
    Have a lovely day in the sun (it’s miserable here, rain, wind, dark & cold…blah!)
    Love Amanda

  28. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 12 October 2007 at 12:14 am #

    In concurrence with other commentors I entreat, beseech, implore and respectfully request SK to release a best of the Time Being Compilation. So many of the blogs have been sheer masterpieces. It’s posible to be the greatest vocalist in music and a writer of prose and poetry par excellance. Sk’s boundless talent is inimitable and untameable. Lucid and otherworldy. It would be appropos if SK made his fortune through writing. I’m addicted to the Church, The Time Being, Meatless cuisine and Jim Beam.

  29. avatar
    lily was here | 12 October 2007 at 1:11 am #

    I get this recurring feeling of being in the same places as you at the wrong time. Everyone has this god or goddess in their past, we store them in our memory and hope that they do or dont come back to disappoint us 🙂

    love Sue
    x
    Julia, I’ve missed you!

  30. avatar
    lily was here | 12 October 2007 at 1:14 am #

    ps damn button! Your poignant memories have been some of the most beautiful things you’ve ever writteN. I really think you’ve got to put this in audio, with music.

  31. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 October 2007 at 1:36 am #

    Another sad beautiful dreamy day of your life drifts away and into the collective consciousness. Like any true artist your words captivate and caress the senses and inspire contemplation and reflection. Thanks for the hurly burly brilliance it has been a great ride. Not that I enjoyed seeing you let terri walk away. I can’t believe you didn’t tell her how you felt. You all but had her. She was just waiting for a sign. Youthful unrequited love stains us forever. I hope you learnt well from it.

  32. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 October 2007 at 1:49 am #

    Beautiful story, could easily become a novella – Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance or the Peaceful Warrior. The parts about being lost and lonely really break me…..Interesting reading the bit about ONJ’s “If not for you”. She’s here in Saskatoon in concert this Saturday.

    Mike (in Canada)

  33. avatar
    XO | 12 October 2007 at 1:57 am #

    ! love .

  34. avatar
    Centuryhouse | 12 October 2007 at 3:42 am #

    Steve, brilliantly done – again. A great wrap up. It should be on paper, in our hands next time you do a book.

    I was going to say this last one reminds me of the Blurred Crusade album mixed with Forget Yourself and a smidge of Starfish – but I guess that wouldn’t make sense to anyone else 🙂

    Daniel W>

  35. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 October 2007 at 3:56 am #

    If I were Terri,I would have stood infront of your car,and not let you drive away SK!…/cwx

  36. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 October 2007 at 4:03 am #

    Steve,
    you broke her heart, you let her go too easily.

  37. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 October 2007 at 4:27 am #

    SK is a sensitive,respectful,and gentle creature.It’s a curse on one hand,and a blessing on the other…I think you’ll find that Terri would have felt the same of you….x

  38. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 October 2007 at 5:33 am #

    loser

  39. avatar
    relic | 12 October 2007 at 5:36 am #

    If you had the choice back then between two wishes, a hypothetical, then Steve, which choice would be the stronger? …being Terry or being with Terri?

  40. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 October 2007 at 5:51 am #

    terri was smitten and would have swapped her outmoded life with her charming yet predictable rockstar lover,because she had glimpsed your magic,but you turned and walked away

  41. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 October 2007 at 6:40 am #

    Trri is still alive?yeah?..if you remember her..there’s a great chance that she may remember you too..Terri could have let your tyres dowm if she was nasty enough.Maybe she assumed that you didn’t want her?…”having the courage to ask for what you want,is half the battle*” some things are worth another look…I do hope there is a B-side to this stuff SK!

  42. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 October 2007 at 7:37 am #

    the kilbey blog rarely disappoints

  43. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 October 2007 at 7:40 am #

    SK is the best!..where’s the friday magic?right here!….xxA

  44. avatar
    lily was here | 12 October 2007 at 7:50 am #

    This also conjures up the lonely melancholy of ‘the awful ache’.

  45. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 October 2007 at 8:11 am #

    i’ll be back later to read your magic! x love .

  46. avatar
    isolde | 12 October 2007 at 8:42 am #

    zehn and the art of the eternal triangle

  47. avatar
    Anonymous | 13 October 2007 at 6:00 am #

    love .


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