posted on October 29, 2008 at 8:28 pm

ok
i’m writing my own acka dacka songs from now on
for a start that geezer is one of the only blokes older than me
still going in rocknroll
so i’m a spring chickling compared to his venerable old carcass
ive already been shopping round for the hat
and i found a nice one at grimsbys fashions for seniors
with kilbey plaid on it
i wear it at a rakish angle
looking like a cross between andy capp n sid james
(‘allo darlin’!)
i’m taking some waddle n strut lessons from a man at the pub
including hefting guitar playing fifty year old school children aloft
(not tripping over their homework etc) and staggering about
i’m working on some lyrics…here ‘ave a look
n tell me what you think….
i’m thinking of calling this one something like…

BIG KNOCKERS

i woz out one day walking my cock-er(wink to lads in crowd)

and i wanna get me hands on yer BIG KNOCKERS

dont look down cos my sausage is a shocker
(then crowd joins in)
and we wanna get out our hands on yer BIG KNOCKERS

BIG KNOCKERS
BIG KNOCKERS
BIG BIG BIG BIG BIG BIG KNOCKERS
love to roll my baby cos ya know she is a rocker
but i wanna bang bang wif yer BIG KNOCKERS
(fists punch the air on bang bang)

look i know its a still in an embryonic stage
i know a few parts need some work
i’ll be polishing it up a little over the coming months
as i do my vocal warm ups
i’m going for a cross between
a bawling cockney sergeant major
and an old codger sitting down in a bath
and suddenly finding out thats its much too hot…
look it aint easy to sing like that
and i wanna look like the foreman on a demolition site
bellowing through the unbelievable racket going on around him
actually people have said to me
steven just ignore the singing n words…listen to the music
just ignore the singing n words!
yeah
like go n see this film…ignore the acting n the script..but otherwise..
how can you ignore the words n singing to a song?
how can one compartmentalize music like that?
ooh thats enough now steven john my boy
why do those guys push yer buttons?
oh i dont know..its so benny hill
i genuinely feel so fucking sorry for any young man
standing row upon row with others
with my fist in the air and mouthing the words..
whats wrong with me…?
dont i like fun..?
everybody should get some fun…thats what the west is all about
‘aving a bit of fun
c’mon!

37 Responses to “crying like a fire in the sun”

  1. avatar
    limebeaver | 29 October 2008 at 10:08 pm #

    rock out SK!
    great lyrics… reminiscent of Spinal Tap’s Big Bottoms…
    Hell they made money taking the pish, so why not you?
    … big bottoms, big bottoms, talk about bum cakes my girls gottem…

  2. avatar
    Also Ran | 29 October 2008 at 10:13 pm #

    There ya go.

    See???? Ya have got it in ya, and at last you’re lettin it out!

    purge, baby purge!

  3. avatar
    Jasperina | 29 October 2008 at 10:13 pm #

    Even in its embryonic state it is undoubtedly a killer song. Very funny. I’m scared to think how it could evolve especially since you have already included dreaded sausages…yuk. Grimsbys fashions for seniors…I’d love to check out that shop! Your funny blogs are the best.

  4. avatar
    veleska1970 | 29 October 2008 at 10:54 pm #

    hahahahahahahahaha

    i thought of spinal tap, too. think you could score a mockumentary from it? i’ll telephone a personal friend of a personal friend of a personal friend of director rob reiner. i can visualize it now~~”this is….steve kilbey.”

  5. avatar
    TheFurtherestRealm | 29 October 2008 at 11:03 pm #

    Big knockers, big knockers,
    all eyes flock to her
    big knockers

    I wanna be at a Kilbey gig, fists punchy the air
    but I got the Spinal Tap riff in my head and not the accadacca one
    I am no good at this Killer

    anyway to the business at hand
    I get home from the Manly Boatshed the other week with my stash of Kilbey merch

    do I play Painkiller first, do I?
    heck no I play Earthed now that I have it on CD, my vinyl is stashed in a cupboard somewhere, and the old tape I made of it has lost its shimmer so first time in years I can have a good listen

    will it hold up?
    come on Kilbey fans will it?

    wheres the bad tracks on it
    wheres the fillers Killer
    why didn’t Eno come knockin on your door or Lanois

    20 odd years on
    there aint no good tracks either
    every little track on the album a multi-faceted brilliantly shimmering gem

    I sit it beside my other fav instrumentals
    Budds White Arcades
    R. Enos Voices
    and something by some funny duo going by the name of Gilt Trip

    Ross S.

  6. avatar
    the dean | 29 October 2008 at 11:04 pm #

    I can give you Noddy Holder’s contact details if you like.

  7. avatar
    Richard | 29 October 2008 at 11:14 pm #

    I can see your first interview after Big Knockers debuts at #1

    (in suitable Syd James voice)

    “I always knew we’d have a tit on our hands”

    sorry all

  8. avatar
    Queen Hatshepsut | 29 October 2008 at 11:19 pm #

    Like Limebeaver and Veleska, yes, the first thing I thought of was This Is Spinal Tap and Big Bottoms.

    I got a good laugh out of the ‘sausage’ line. Thanks for that!
    πŸ™‚
    denise

  9. avatar
    kat | 29 October 2008 at 11:25 pm #

    he he thanks for bringing a smile to me, sk! har

  10. avatar
    ml68 | 30 October 2008 at 12:14 am #

    aaaah Kilbey, you’ve done it agaaain!!

  11. avatar
    ml68 | 30 October 2008 at 12:19 am #

    the real fucked up part is that Ive now got a chorus to a non existent tune stuck in my fucking head…”BIG KNOCKERS etc etc…”…how fucked is that …thanx SK.

  12. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 30 October 2008 at 1:31 am #

    A funny blog but the AC/DC epidemic is musically deadly. They are on the cover of virtually every major magazine including Rolling Stone, Q, Classic Rock and the usual rag suspects. Reviewers are lauding the new CD. Consistent quality rock music was only based on merit in the 1960’s. Could you imagine AC/Dc competing with the Beatles, Stones, Kinks, Byrds, Dylan, The Doors, Beach Boys (Brian Wilson Era) and the Who.

    Brian, Angus and the boys are in Chicago tomorrow night and Saturday night. 40,000 instinctoids will be pumped-up and mesmerized to listen to the their grating audio abominations.AC/DC can bank on it.

  13. avatar
    steve kilbey | 30 October 2008 at 2:37 am #

    ah brien
    are we the only ones who see the ominous evil at the heart of this whole weird thing
    oooooh …its so fuckin’ creepy!
    sk

  14. avatar
    ross b | 30 October 2008 at 2:45 am #

    ha ha! πŸ™‚ I needed a midday laugh, you call that fun?.., all that aggro & menace, sounds like a highway to hell! πŸ˜‰

    look out the saints are coming through
    and it's all over now baby blue

  15. avatar
    m.p.k | 30 October 2008 at 2:45 am #

    I was just about to ask if you’re writing for ACDC now SK. Brien beat me to it. ACDC isn’t all that bad for what it is. At least it isn’t whiney. The worst rock too me is these bands that in their music whine incessantly about how lame and unhappy they are and how their girlfriends dump them. I think I prefer BIG KNOCKERS to that stuff…

  16. avatar
    ...being here, doing this... | 30 October 2008 at 2:58 am #

    BIG KNOCKERS
    BIG KNOCKERS
    BIG BIG BIG BIG BIG BIG KNOCKERS
    love to roll my baby cos ya know she is a rocker
    but i wanna bang bang wif yer BIG KNOCKERS

    ~

    chick’s with big knockers just don’t do it for me for some reason!

    but…each to their own!

  17. avatar
    eek | 30 October 2008 at 4:15 am #

    Oh dear. Am I going to have to ignore you now, Steve? πŸ˜‰

  18. avatar
    PAGEY | 30 October 2008 at 4:27 am #

    she’s got big KNOCKERS

    BUT I’VE GOT big ballz

  19. avatar
    linjo | 30 October 2008 at 4:28 am #

    Ha ha you make me laugh so much sometimes Steve!!!
    good one! Linda

  20. avatar
    Thomas Irvin | 30 October 2008 at 4:34 am #

    We can all rest easy knowing you’re using your considerable powers for good, not evil.

    Having said that, I was recently listening to “Till The Cows Come Home” and thought about the perfectly clever rhyme structures in such a simple song. You’re so good at that sort of witty rhyme that I do sometimes wish they made more frequent appearances.

  21. avatar
    lily was here | 30 October 2008 at 6:21 am #

    Dont cry Steve when youre making me laugh so much! Hey, I was 11 and impressionable. Dont know anyone else’s excuse πŸ™‚ You might have something there but you’ll need the marketing $$$ machine they have. xxooxx

  22. avatar
    davem | 30 October 2008 at 7:07 am #

    You’ve got the hands for it SK!!!

  23. avatar
    12str | 30 October 2008 at 9:42 am #

    got a band name for your new musicalproject man…

    BIG DICK AND THE FORESKINS

    would love to see your stage outfit..why not leather shorts bavarian style and that nice little hat with a feather in it!!

    rock on!!

    //P

  24. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 30 October 2008 at 10:22 am #

    excuse me while i go and clean up the drink that i sprayed all over my computer while i was reading this….
    you are a funny bastard, kilbey…
    love always…

  25. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 30 October 2008 at 10:24 am #

    ..i know, your next song could be THIS AIN’T SOCKS DOWN ME JOCKS…
    what about JERKIN’ ME GHERKIN…hmmm?

  26. avatar
    persephone2u | 30 October 2008 at 10:57 am #

    You mean I’m not the only one who has been told to just listen to the music and ignore the lyrics?

    Whenever I tell people it’s impossible I’m either told to just relax a bit and not be so critical (gee, it’s mighty hard when the music sucks methinks), or the person handing out this priceless advice just looks at me and sighs, knowing it’s pointless to argue. I think that’s probably because they notice I’m already foaming at the mouth and fear what may happen next!

  27. avatar
    Celticat | 30 October 2008 at 11:11 am #

    Ockers Knockers and Rockers, Australia 2008 πŸ˜‰

    Love to all yon Kilbey

  28. avatar
    Andromeda7 | 30 October 2008 at 11:14 am #

    yew moit ate i’ Kilbee bu’ i’s savin’ the musi’ bizniss frum terminal destrukshun loik innit- eh?

  29. avatar
    verdelay | 30 October 2008 at 12:40 pm #

    I’ve given up trying to be serious, but I’ll be seriously disappointed if this is not on the next album by that band you’re in.

    v

  30. avatar
    CSTCoach | 30 October 2008 at 3:08 pm #

    yikes!

    well, if you’re gonna do this, might as well go all out. that elderly schoolboy thing is so passe. i’m thinking a sombrero and a thong, cleverly accessorized with a plastic whistle.

  31. avatar
    steve kilbey | 30 October 2008 at 7:54 pm #

    i’m wearing jock strap n gaiters
    and my band will be called
    the test tickles
    our first album will be called
    boy grunter splashes your boots
    out now on ooooooh! records

  32. avatar
    knot | 30 October 2008 at 8:06 pm #

    oh My.

    My brothers always liked AC/DC and scratched my Jam lps just to be jerks.

  33. avatar
    knot | 30 October 2008 at 8:07 pm #

    But, my brothers did not wear garters. You have to go down to Folsom Street for that.

  34. avatar
    fantasticandy | 30 October 2008 at 8:35 pm #

    told you!
    it’s SO easy…..
    and everyone loves this stuff.
    …so easy.

  35. avatar
    steve kilbey | 30 October 2008 at 8:53 pm #

    gaiters not garters !!!!!!

  36. avatar
    eek | 30 October 2008 at 10:30 pm #

    But you’d look so cute in garters…. πŸ™‚

  37. avatar
    CSTCoach | 31 October 2008 at 12:17 am #

    He’s right, though. Gaiters don’t need garters to hold them up. They hold themselves.

    It could be a nice formal accessory, though, for when the test tickles are nominated for an aria.


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