posted on April 10, 2009 at 9:12 pm

easter gets me all religious
my kids ask me
do you believe in jesus?
i start umming n ahing
i mean how can an intelligent man answer that one glibly
(voice from another room : or even you….)
i kinda imagine jesus with his les paul guitar
with his 30 tattoos of identity
with his black jaguar in the jungle
with his scarlet childe on his lap
with his lovely hands all damaged
with his beard shaped so right
jesus what a kind man
what a thoughtful man
people must have said back then
wow! what a lovely geezer…..
(in hebrew of course)
jesus he could pull any woman…but he never did
he had incredible cosmic powers at his fingertips
but he refrained from using them
he took the middle path like his old mate buddha
he says make it easy on your self
make it easy on yourself
he said
take it easy take it easy
dont let the sound of your own god drive you crazy..
he said im easy like a sunday morning
he said easy baby
you dont have to be so hard…
and sometimes if you got lost in the snow
jesus would be there with a barrel of brandy
but i dont understand this ransomed for our sins business…
do you?
it doesnt make any sense
maybe you did come back
maybe you didnt
i dont rule anything out
maybe you came back as someone else
but why not come back n show everybody
now that mighta had an effect
but its all so unlikely
and the bible is a dodgy document
and so are the priests who have made themselves fat n wealthy
by reinterpreting it in their own images for 2000 years
where does jesus tell us to build a vatican?
and all the other malarky carried on his name….
i reckon jesus would be a great singer….with that voice
and his lyrics would be simple n succinct
and charisma….c’mon
hes held this world in thrall for a long time
and we aint ever even seen his face
oh we know he must be handsome
like willy dafoe
or jeffrey hunter
or young max von sydow
they look out on off into the sky
taking it all on their narrow shoulders
all they ever did was help n heal n say nice things
now jesus gets crucified against a sky with racing clouds
on either side
theyve nailed the robber
theyve nailed the thief
jesus is only 33 years old
man thats way too young
i was touring with starf-ish then
but jesus is being put to death
in an incredibly cruel n barbarous manner
what did he do? whisper the onlookers
no one really seems to know
well he really put them pharisees big noses outta joint
but they talk the stupid romans into executing him
like a political prisoner
so no one is really taking the blame
the people stand by n watch it happen
voice from another century : dont we always…?
later on
much later on
some priest figured out
that christ died to redeem our souls for all our sins
but christ says nothing of this himself
nor do the gospels
this is a very troubling and extremely stupid doctrine
no one really knows how a deal like that is s’posed to work
its so fucking ludicrous
big ole Jehovah
he creates this world outta nothin’
with all its brilliant things
but the people
his crowning achievement
go wrong again n again
right from the start
they eat fruit theyre told not to
they kill each other (alright if J tells em to)
they get up to all sorts of dirty tricks
J nukes sodom n gomorrah
then he tries to drown the whole world
but for one good guy
but alas evil lives on
that ole devil
one of Js former right hand men
now gone fucking bad
and sucking off souls from the earth
god helps the israelites for a while
but they go bad too
like all of em
why cant fucking old Jehovah takes some responsibility here?
i mean if i had 5 kids
n they were all bad wouldnt someone say
some of the blame must lay with him?
no olde J goes on looking for some way out
he decides to have a son with an earth woman
(no hanky panky…naturally)
(at least the greek gods would actually “ravish” their earthly bints)
so out comes jesus
half man half god…just like hercules a long time before
with all the fucking hassles n headtrips that must bring
and jesus walks around very modestly
laying nice trips on people
hey whoa take it fucking easy my brothers
not harming a fly
a few show offy things but not many considering
he gets nabbed
banged up
and god says
now i can forgive all these other sinners
(tho we still go to hell if we’re naughty)
c’mon…is there any sense in it
Jehovah can do what he likes
why does he have to muck about with all the red tape
why not smite the romans n pharisees
like he smote sodom or jericho
or did He figure out those pre emptive strikes were un PC
i’m sorry
i love the hell outta jesus but the bible is silly
most of it is a load of olde tripe about some dudes
in the middle east killing each other n doing nasty things
(bags full of philistine foreskins anyone?)
no the israelites are not my people
what the fuck do i care about them
anymore than the persians or medes or the assyrians?
everytime they DO get the upper hand they blow it any way
and how nice that the god THEY invented
makes them HIS chosen people
gee….thats kinda predictable, isnt it
and then along
out of all this old fashioned chauvinistic racist twaddle
comes a new testament
because the old one is OLD baby
and we got jesus
be cool!
and that
is quite a revelation in a book
with bears tearing youths to pieces
and whales swallowing geezers
and talking snakes n angels with burning spears
just a cat
he says
be cool
it was revolutionary for its time
(except if you lived in india)

25 Responses to “easter parade”

  1. avatar
    frostatmidnight | 10 April 2009 at 10:52 pm #

    I try to keep an open mind, but I just don’t buy anything in the Bible, or the whole resurrection idea. I mean, I suppose it could’ve happened — maybe, possibly — but probably not. Just seems another lovely way to control people if you ask me. I’d much rather read Greek myths. Have a lovely weekend all the same!


  2. avatar
    restaurant mark | 10 April 2009 at 11:02 pm #

    great blog steve! just watched religulous with bill maher a couple of nights ago…think you’d like it. pretty funny and thought provoking…i loved it!

    “why cant fucking old Jehovah takes some responsibility here?
    i mean if i had 5 kids
    n they were all bad wouldnt someone say
    some of the blame must lay with him?”
    perfect and true!

    by the way, listened to the clips of untitled #23 on australia’s itunes a few days ago…very nice!!! so hard to get a true representation of the songs off of 30 second snippets…but i liked what i heard. can’t wait for the whole thing!

    so i guess those are the complete dates for the tour??? hope not…

    take care everyone and have a great weekend

  3. avatar
    Thomas Thomsen, Denmark | 10 April 2009 at 11:19 pm #

    “There’s probably no God”.

    Of course there isn’t.
    God? Jesus? Sure, the bible “is based on a true story”. If you believe that, you might as well believe that The Simpsons are based on actual events. Come to think of it, that actually seems more likely.

    Neil Young:
    “Nature is my religion, and the forest is my church.”
    AMEN to THAT!!!

  4. avatar
    Anonymous | 10 April 2009 at 11:23 pm #

    I love the chosen one
    Loving him is so much fun
    I love the chosen one
    Loving him is fun,fun,fun

    Blue King

  5. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 10 April 2009 at 11:36 pm #

    I’m a Creationist who posits that evolution emanated from Creationism. Have reverence for all God’s children and all God’s creatures. The book of Isaiah and Genesis 1:29 are compelling to me. According to the book of Revelations I’m going to roast for my intemperance and lust.

    I’ve heard five great songs from Untitled # 23 from various sources. Church merchandise has let me down as I EAGERLY await the entire CD. The five songs I’ve heard are inviolably awesome. The Church are utterly phenomenal.

  6. avatar
    linjo | 10 April 2009 at 11:43 pm #

    An interesting blog, thanks Steve.
    I am reading the AA ‘bible’ at the moment the ‘big book’ as its called. It says in there that any true believer in the bible’s teachings would never drink! Anyway as for a spiritual experience with god, which it continuously expresses is necessary to stop drinking, I can feel a sense of brainwashing coming on. So I can see that if you would like to believe something but dont, with enough suggestion, you soon will. Maybe its not a bad thing if it helps someone to make a better life.
    Just watched ‘Dont Change’ Inxs. Oh the beauty of youth! He was a gorgeous male. Did you ever meet MH Steve? Obviously not that I knew either of you but I cant imagine he was your type.
    Happy holidays to you and the loved ones. Linda x

  7. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 April 2009 at 12:23 am #

    Happy Easter all.

    Re: Saabs

    Don’t do it. They cost a fortune to keep on the road. Had one exactly like you describe (and if it’s the one thats got the sign on it on Old South Head Rd it’s even the same colour as my old one) and loved it to bits, my first car. But it cost us more to keep it on the road in 3 years than we paid for it in the first place. We traded it in on a ‘family’ car and a few months later I saw the thing pulled over to the side of the road with the bonnet up and some poor bugger waiting for the NRMA. That was in Maroubra. Actually, the plates are SBI 811 so if by any chance that’s the car – do not buy!

    Au revoir,


  8. avatar
    lily was here | 11 April 2009 at 12:37 am #

    One of the greatest stories ever told but I could never understand as a kid why anyone’d sacrifice a son to cruel death and torture for my pitiful soul, pretty harsh. Surely he could’ve come up with a better plan. These days it’d be on the telly, you’d be able to do an online poll vote and watch it with a pkt of chips (not in our country but somewhere less pc) but Christ would be quickly forgotten, his 5 minutes of fame gone like the flame of a candle, unlike a story that’s been told for centuries. As a kid I used to question why we’d celebrate something so horrendous, even if he rose again (couldnt have been a Kurosawa movie).
    The image on your myspace page is a fitting reminder of the truth. I question it all, but that’s the deal right? I tend to believe that god and the devil are one; nature is our creation and doom.

    It seems an oxymoron, but Happy Easter to you sk and all your followers; whatever and whomever you worship. We’re all in this together x

    D Duchow who did the great visuals shown at your Painkiller gig has re-loaded some of my videos.
    This one I really like:
    Unfinished Kirtan for Krishna/Look Homeward Angel

    Linjo, Dont Change is the best song INXS did

  9. avatar
    aRepublicanChristian | 11 April 2009 at 12:59 am #

    What’s great about the HOLY BIBle is there’s no rating for kids. It’s bad to let your kids watch R rated movies but ok to tell them they must believe these teachings or burn in hell forever. I also like the fact I can willing break all 10 commandments and 7 deadly sins while i whisper to myself “I’m a sinner and therefore I will sin”
    I’m pro war, pro death. As it is written.
    All animals,earth,water and wind are mans domain to control.
    Most importantly I never needed a conscience.

    “To put it in words
    To write it down
    That is walking on hallowed ground
    But its my duty
    Im a missionary”

  10. avatar
    the dean | 11 April 2009 at 1:17 am #

    Unfortunately the church(the establishment not the band)only promotes Jesus’ death, all that blood and guts, while ignoring the rest. No sex please we’re churchies. It’s like TV, lots of murder and violent solutions but narry a tit. Give me nudity and sex any day and I’ll listen to the church(the band not the establishment. Alla loo ya.

  11. avatar
    iseult | 11 April 2009 at 4:03 am #

    Jesus of Montreal was a good film I think you’d like it

    hello B.Bon

  12. avatar
    matt davison | 11 April 2009 at 4:21 am #

    Denmark, Norway..western europe blah blah are the most Agnostic silly places on earth…

    I may not have good spelling…… but I have a huge amount of Faith.

    (God bless you all)… and mainly you non-believers that will spiritually be empty…(sigh))))))

    Grow up you are not children any more, you should all be wiser than this…….

    “Don’t you all listen to the Church”- SK come on man!! you know what I mean…

    Happy Easter all…

  13. avatar
    floridafauna | 11 April 2009 at 4:34 am #

    bondi beach easter poetry!

  14. avatar
    vesna | 11 April 2009 at 6:20 am #

    Just passing by. Btw, your blogg have great content!
    Greetings from Sweden.

  15. avatar
    davem | 11 April 2009 at 7:04 am #

    Bang on Killer.
    Jesus was amazing, but that blood sacrifice malarkey as atonement for sin is barbaric, repulsive, unnneccesary. God is bigger than that.
    Love to all. ’tis my Ma-In-Laws 80th birthday party today. 80 seems much better than 33!

  16. avatar
    fandorin | 11 April 2009 at 8:28 am #

    Gold sun rolls around
    Chocolate nipple brown
    Tumble from your arms
    Like the ground your breasts swell
    Land awake from sleep
    Hares will kick and leap
    Flowers climb erect
    Smiling from the moist kiss of her rainbow mouth
    Stage left
    Enter easter and shes dressed in yellow yolk
    Stage right
    Now the son has died, the father can be born
    Stand up
    If wed all breathe in and blow away the smoke
    New life
    We’d applaud a new life

    (Ann Dee Partritch)

    btw – i love your paraphrases…

  17. avatar
    Rik Rehab | 11 April 2009 at 9:58 am #

    Jesus died for somebody’s sins but not mine…

  18. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 11 April 2009 at 10:02 am #

    last couple of days, wonderful reading… daughter’s asked me a few times, if i believe in god and i’ve said i don’t know……i believe in god but not in the traditional god portayed….maybe as an energy, a Force, a consciousness, something that cannot be quantified…..
    i’m out the other side of goondawindi near narrabri and the skies are so big that it kind of makes you feel stoned just looking at it…..miles and miles and miles of open space….
    happy easter to you and your loved ones, steve…..
    love always….

  19. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 April 2009 at 12:00 pm #

    If you believe the bible there have been 2 perfect men – Adam, before he stuffed up, and Jesus. Jesus is the only one qualified to buy back what Adam lost – a propitiatory sacrifice. I find it interesting what it says in Romans 5:12 in light of that scientists don’t know why we die – what the mechanism is that kicks in and makes us wind down. A thousand years is only as a day to God as it says in there somewhere so all this has only been like a week to him. And everything is happening exactly as it says.Freaky.

  20. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 April 2009 at 1:37 pm #

    thought provoking…

  21. avatar
    seoigh | 11 April 2009 at 3:51 pm #

    Jesus was a middle path cat who figured out the Big It.

    As to what the church is, it is the surviving version; the one which met Rome’s ends. Valentinus saw the political potential to use Paul’s church — meanwhile the others; the ones that got It — were declared heretical.

    Pity, really.

    And it would have been Aramaic, not Hebrew.

  22. avatar
    daydreamer | 11 April 2009 at 6:30 pm #

    Dear Steve,

    Great blog. I am so with you on this whole religion thing. I’m constantly amazed by who buys into it, and why? IMO they’re all less than credible. Personally, I’ll go with Neil.

    I agree about not buying a Saab. Nothing but problems. However, my Volvo is still up for grabs…


  23. avatar
    CAPTAIN BEYOND | 11 April 2009 at 7:36 pm #

    be cool and stay in school…lol

  24. avatar
    catchow | 11 April 2009 at 8:24 pm #

    a very interesting and well considered blog steve!
    besides,if somebody does not believe in god, Pascal (french philosopher)
    has got an interesting point of view about it.

  25. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 April 2009 at 8:58 pm #

    I love that image of jesus with a les paul guitar, travelling the world stage as a musician, believers following him like the Pied Piper.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.