posted on October 3, 2008 at 11:49 pm

its been disgusting weather in sydney
yesterday summer hi jacked spring
the sky was dark “full of fumes n liquors”
the weather was 36 celsius or nearly 90 f
and my house was hot
to open the window was to let in a hot angry breeze
that contained no comfort whatsoever
just the arid threat that this weather is getting worse n worse
this is surely not spring
last night
the weather broke and today its rainy
which is a relief
although i left my one n only pair of boots in the rain

in other breaking ttb news
my mother is out of hospital for her knee op
and says shes feeling much better
joycies 80 this month
which aint a bad innings
but it’ll be great to see her charging around
the way she used to
(she also mildly reprimanded me for not calling her in hospital)

tibor my ford falcon has picked this hot time
to decide the air con aint working anymore
blowing out a hot hellish gust instead of cooling zephyrs
thanks tibor…..nice timing

our feng shui good luck sign fell down and the glass broke
(i got some in my foot!…how lucky is that?)

yesterday i visited a warehouse in st peters
where some friends of mine are (trying to ) making a movie
yes i have a part as a zen surfer keith part of “old bondi”
i’m also doing the music
they put me on the spot yesterday to put some words to music
the main protagonist has a list of things hes selling at a garage sale
and i set it to a little guitar progression and sang it for em
lucien who is the writer
started to cry and he ran off all emotional
and i knew i’d hit the spot
it was a real list of all the things he’d had to sell
when he moved out of bondi in the nineties
and to hear his quite pathetic list sung out was too much
i quickly discovered the pathos and milked it with my voice
and lu was weeping and all strange
“thats the magic” he was saying
“ive been waiting so long to hear that…”
lu is a director who directs plays here n there
the guy gives everything for theatre
and has absolutely no money whatsoever
he totally lives his dream of theatre
and puts everything he has into it
regardless of income or outcome
a true artist suffering and sacrificing for what he does
he never asks for anything
and usually is crashing in someones living room
i really really hope
lu can cash in a bit if this flick goes ahead
cos the guy doesnt have anything …at all
and he deserves something

my poor old bonsai is struggling n struggling
oh oh oh how i love my little port jackson fig
i gave it a big session yesterday
i spoke with it
“oh you gorgeous beautiful tree!”
and i touched it stroked it
and gave it some crystal healing
lo n behold
my darling little tree
has unfurled a new leaf
its first new leaf for ages n ages
it has stubbornly held onto life
i’m doing something wrong
but now maybe the tables have turned
i really feel as if i reached the tree yesterday
giving it all the strength i could give
you should see it…..its looking so much better..

tonite i’m on telly again
capping a media filled couple of weeks
where i seemed to be everywhere
tonite theyre showing the kev carmody special
including rehearsals n interviews
we gonna do the whole thing up in qld next year
and melbournians n perthians be watching out for
a triffid attack early next year
(hope i wasnt spilling any secret beans there)

next week i do word in hand at glebe
a spoken word gig..tho i will have my trusty 12 along as well
not sure exactly what i will do
but please come along and support my malarkey
i really love to see di n therese at all my gigs
ladies it makes me feel braver to see yer familiar faces
may vishnu bless you…..

i’m trying to cut down on pot smoking
ive handed my stash over to the missus
and im trying to just cut down
then give up entirely
i have a shocking cough
and my body must be so sick of thc by now
i mean
i dont even get stoned anymore
i roll up a spliff
share it with people
theyre all hallucinating n drifting about
but i have too high a tolerance for anything to happen
so i’m trying to stop gradually
but i’m an addict and have been for so damn long
its not like getting off the gear
but its still hard
and already its starting to call out to me
here i am
come on
have a smoke
but my throat n lungs are adamant
we need a rest
maybe i’ll make some cookies

thats it
its saturday
its raining
what am i gonna do with all these kids?
uh i dunno

28 Responses to “fear of summer”

  1. avatar
    markobears | 4 October 2008 at 12:55 am #

    Good luck on quiting smoking, I’ve been only a weekend smoker for a few months now. Has helped the lungs quite a bit and 3 huts gets me fried.

  2. avatar
    markobears | 4 October 2008 at 12:58 am #

    huts… i mean hits. braincells growing back still. hot fun in the summertime

  3. avatar
    ross b | 4 October 2008 at 1:09 am #

    Lucien is a very nice guy, very sensitive I remember, i wish him well with the movie too.

    Glad all’s well with your mum!

    Are you still putting on the Zoo Story sometime?

    Kind regards, Ross

  4. avatar
    the dean | 4 October 2008 at 1:21 am #

    After I went to an exam full of arrogance and confidence and failed by an astounding margin I cursing my indolent brain gave the weed away.
    As the buddha says all things in moderation.
    I encourage you to have a go for your health.

  5. avatar
    the dean | 4 October 2008 at 1:24 am #

    I might add I had a skull crushing headache for a fortnight and was irritable enough to lose a few friends forever.

  6. avatar
    steve kilbey | 4 October 2008 at 1:39 am #

    looking forward to that deano

    ross, the play collapsed again…

  7. avatar
    matt davison | 4 October 2008 at 1:59 am #

    Woolf is glad, Uh I dunno…..left his hash out in the snow.. Well done SK

    Word to ya.. I spose I should try and hit the six packs on the head too.

    move to NZ I ve told ya weather temp and mild..good for old bean like you and famb…


  8. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 4 October 2008 at 2:05 am #

    Go for the cruelty-free weed cookies. It’s amazing that MACCA is still a stoner but Ms. Mills most have been an emanation from hell to live with.
    RE: Yesterday’s India Blog
    Just discovered that Chrissie Hynde is a devotee of Vaishnavism, an inclusive, all encompassing branch of Hinduism which allows her to see Christ as an avatar, a man who lived on earth but was an incarnation of God- just like Krishna.

    What’s up with the vicious degenerate kid who killed all the animals at the Zoo in Aussie ! ?

  9. avatar
    kat | 4 October 2008 at 4:04 am #


    your fear of summer is my fear of winter. i dread it. the seasons have all become shorter though, haven’t they? except for winter. it goes on and on and on.

    well i am swilling down beer to try to control this toothache. apparently its not going away and i will have to go to some fly by night clinic to get them to hammer the crown down. ha

    what kind of cookies are you making/did you make? ;]

  10. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 4 October 2008 at 4:15 am #

    …well i indulged in a wee bit of the old herb for the first time in AGES last night so i got the desired effect….mind you, next door must have thought i was coughing a lung out as i am a non-ciggy smoker…yeah, mate, give your poor old lungs a bit of a break…
    as for tibor’s air conditioning shitting itself, my old man was talking about when he was young and how he used to go around with the windows up in his car to impress the chicks and make them think he had air conditioning in his car…not common in his day…he didn’t actually and was driving around in the summer sweating like a proverbial pig…silly man….
    love always…

  11. avatar
    steve | 4 October 2008 at 4:21 am #

    Painkiller finally arrived in Florida. Awesome Steve you just keep getting better and better. I love the radiotronics by the way. Looks like we have a lot more new things to look forward to in Kilbeyland soon. You are looking tanned and healthy in those recent pics. Good luck with the weed….I am trying to cut down my beer consumption myself. To a responsible level of a couple here and there so far so good..Habits are hard to break.
    Steve in Florida

  12. avatar
    CAPTAIN BEYOND | 4 October 2008 at 5:45 am #

    ditto on the smokey tokey…

  13. avatar
    davem | 4 October 2008 at 6:44 am #


  14. avatar
    persephone2u | 4 October 2008 at 7:48 am #

    Another Lucien, and spelled just like my little Lucien too! I hope both yours and mine go on to fulfill all of their artistic dreams in life.

    Good luck with ending your pot smoking. Just tell yourself you want to do it and then do it. Ignore your emotions and everything else as they’ll change, just like the weather. Once your mind ceases to need the stuff your body will be so much better off. I really would hate to see anything bad happen to you and pot smoke is just as bad as cigarette smoke. Cancer is such a nasty nasty thing and you of all people don’t need to take drugs for your imagination, that’s for sure!

    All the best and here’s hoping your missus refuses the stuff outright to you to protect your health no matter what you say. I had to go through this with someone myself once and gave up and left ’em. Couldn’t handle the erratic mood swings and paranoia. Still probably hooked on the stuff to this day I bet. But you have willpower and can do it. Bloody hell, if you’ve already given up the most potent drug of all you can surely do this. =)

  15. avatar
    melissa | 4 October 2008 at 8:46 am #

    I thought I read it was 36 degrees somewhere yesterday, thought my eyes were playing tricks on me!

    Nice bloggy today – best wishes to your mum and hope she recovers well! Nice to see your bonsai reacting well to crystal healing :)!

    Hope the smoking cutting-down goes well … I quit smoking (the cigarette kind though) recently, smoke free for almost 5 weeks now and I feel BRILLIANT. Feel so calm and happy, so glad I finally stopped ๐Ÿ˜€

    Enjoy the weekend and greetings to all fellow fiends ๐Ÿ™‚


  16. avatar
    12str | 4 October 2008 at 10:55 am #

    dear steve
    painkiller has finally arrived in winterland..
    saturday morning,my darling is away working and iยดve got the day for i put on the album,turn it up really loud and lay down on the floor closing my eyes and let the music man, im totally swept away by this cosmic experience…when we reach track nr 6,file under travel,i find myself in some sort of weightless condition..breathtaking..eternal…your work continues to bring so much inspiration to my life..i wear my painkiller t-shirt with great pride..
    thanks man!


  17. avatar
    verdelay | 4 October 2008 at 1:17 pm #

    I just bled the radiators and gave the boiler a good seeing to. The blood moon is waxing, her sun-lover is dying, and Samhain draws near, like a cold cold blade…

  18. avatar
    Shawn El | 4 October 2008 at 1:19 pm #

    that movie sounds like some *hot* shit!!! I hope it will be viewable in some form when finished!

    If you quit the spliff maybe you’ll also live to 80 years – and still be blogging and rocking out.

  19. avatar
    restaurant mark | 4 October 2008 at 2:55 pm #

    hey steve…sorry about the falcon. my ac went out last summer…still haven’t fixed it. i need a new compressor…1000 dollars i don’t really want to spend. we always take my wife’s car when we’re really going anywhere. trying to cut down on the pot myself. get so moody though. but lately all the good stuff has kind of disappeared around here…which is weird for this time of year, but that does make it easier to lay off. can’t justify spending the cash on stems and seeds…know what i mean??? good luck.

    take care

  20. avatar
    CSTCoach | 4 October 2008 at 3:25 pm #

    great to hear about all these cool rennaisance projects in the works!

    re: cutting down on the smoke. Do you think it’s a result of all the extra yoga you’re doing? Your body purifying itself and deciding it just doesn’t want it anymore? I’ve had that experience with certain foods. I never crave anything sweet anymore (guess maybe i’m sweet enough…), haven’t had a soft drink in a decade or two, just have no desire for any of those things. Funny enough, I start to crave things like veggies.

    Re: the lungs, i can send some breathing exercises your way should help clean out the old pipes. But they wouldn’t be very pleasant.

  21. avatar
    don joe | 4 October 2008 at 3:30 pm #

    I smoked bongs everyday all day for 12 years. Have been clean since 2000. Best thing I ever did. Steve, you have my total support in this, hard as it may be, there are better times ahead once you are throuhg the worst. Like the taste of food, having clear lungs, a clear head. Keep up the sauna to try to purge the fatty tissue that will be laden with THC. Keep the vitamins up in good doses too tohelp replenish what has been lost, specially antioxidants like C and E and niacin can be good to kick it along a bit. Also calcium and magnesium to balance out the vitamins and to help the muscles and nerves.
    There’s a pharmacy in Bathurst St Sydney (near Castlereagh St) that sells powdered calcium and magnesium. Go and buy some along with some apple cider vinegar of an acidity of more than 5%.

    Place 1 tablespoon of calcium and 1/2 a teaspoon of magnesium in a large cup along with 1 tablespoon of apple cider vinegar. Mix this into a paste
    Add one cup of boiling water, must be “boiling” not off the boil. Stir till the paste has dissolved. This works very well as a tranquilizer and relaxant to alleviate any withdraw symptoms. We used this at the rehab i worked at with great success. I still drink it to this day as it is great to help one sleep soundly and remain fairly relaxed throughout life.

    Hope you take this on board. It will help greatly and is natural!

    don joe

  22. avatar
    fantasticandy | 4 October 2008 at 3:49 pm #

    i smoked my last ciggie of any description in ’77!

  23. avatar
    iseult | 4 October 2008 at 4:20 pm #

    Kev Carmody sang at the Muster Up at the SLQ this afternoon and said Steve Kilbey did a magnificent version of Images of London on Cannot Buy My Soul

    tv video replay of this show at
    halfway down the page

    warning this video contains traces of sk in shorts

  24. avatar
    CSTCoach | 4 October 2008 at 8:27 pm #

    painkiller arrived yesterday and i had my 1st listen late last night, in a dark room with headphones, on the floor…

    fuck me – that was amazing!

    i’m shattered – vibrated into a million pieces and reassembled – still unsure of my new foundations

    will post more later – need a few more listens


  25. avatar
    steve kilbey | 4 October 2008 at 8:58 pm #

    glad you like pk

  26. avatar
    mahatma kane jeeves | 4 October 2008 at 9:04 pm #

    Blimey – you giving up pot!!! Good luck with it – I have on occasion thought about giving my own supply to my wife to stop me from ending each and every day with a little smoke. I sometimes feel its a ridiculous thing to be doing as a forty one year old husband, father and office ‘straight’ – but then again I don’t drink much at all, am kind to children and animals and once I’ve earned my money for the day and the kids are tucked up, why shouldn’t I put the cares and woes of life aside for an hour before bed

  27. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 4 October 2008 at 9:46 pm #

    brilliant song/discussion of song ‘images of london’ last night…couldn’t agree more on your sentiments…
    love always…

  28. avatar
    eek | 4 October 2008 at 10:16 pm #

    (she also mildly reprimanded me for not calling her in hospital)

    As she should! Tsk, tsk. I’m glad she’s out of the hospital and doing well. Best wishes for a continued smooth recovery.

    Cars have a way of knowing the worst possible time to have things go wrong. The blower went out on mine and possibly the ac too because I noticed it wasn’t working so well just before the blower quit. It’s coming fall here now so not having an ac is fine, but not circulating heat in the winter is not so fine. I’m going to have to bite the bullet and get it fixed, but I’m dreading taking it in because it always costs more than expected. Bleh.

    Hope the movie project does well — for everyone who’s involved. Let us know how it’s going.

    Re: Pot — you are getting adverse effects and not getting as much as or any benefit, so yep, it’s time to stop. I can’t offer advice (because I suck at controlling my own vices), but I do send positive thoughts to you. (some reassuring news I found on pot smoking and lung cancer — there seems to be no link at all between them — even for the very heaviest users. Even the researchers were surprised since they fully expected to find the opposite. Click here to read more.)

    my darling little tree
    has unfurled a new leaf
    its first new leaf for ages n ages

    Yay! That made me smile. Wonderful to see it respond. Not sure if this will tell you anything you don’t already know, or if it’s suitable for your situation, but here’s some information about growing Port Jackson Figs as bonsais.

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