posted on April 16, 2008 at 9:29 pm

persecutions complex
grey drizzle dawn mounts and muzzles bondi beach
some tourists resort
to anything
between my shoulders..that old ache
the years
conflict
anger
holding it in
holding it back
i nuzzle sleep who recedes and recedes
half relieved to escape ultra vivid scenes on dreams screens
a non-believer
hammering at rats with my shoe
lost in a mansfield st wilderness of pain
a white fog of smack fizzles to black morning of fear
utterly alone in a cold and hurting house
no one comes
the minutes congeal into solid state time
each second is razor edged slicing me open
the cuts go deep into being
timecuts flay timebeing
no one knocks at my dooranymore
no one rings me but the bank asking for its moneyback
the goodtimes oh they seem so far behind
so longa go
all my lives living side by side
my scams gather round me
screaming at me
i can never outrun them
whining lies
the garden is cold and full of spiders
the empty cubby house with mouldy toys
those little birds flew the coop
rats in the roof scratch and scramble
me, im out of everything
cars drive by outside
sydney grinds into action
the world swirls by somehow out there but its unreachable
defeated on my feet
knocked out loaded
absorbing hit after hit
throw down the towel over and over
entropic necrotic
less serotonin than a stone
the hours are ropes i bounce off
while my invisible opponent
slugs me under the skin
punchdrunk and hobbling
a footprint of my former selves
i submit to any yoke
the ceiling is a void
it calls my dead soul
which cannot leave that screaming body
its all mixed up
i enter some semi-bardo state
some formless realm
within my dream
and i am only pain
pains spirit incorporeal
embedded in some unspeakable torment
a wraith twisting and untwisting
unwanted anywhere
trying to leave but there is nowhere else
time has not stopped
it never was
never
no time
no being
no right or wrong
no lyneham high
no bass guitar
no floral shirts
no gigs in melbourne
no smokes no drinks no girls
no friends no enemies
no records to make
no appointments to cancel
no dealers to ring
no money to pay
no prospects no future
what do you have then?
just memories
all writhing with malice
all distorted by time
all faded in the fog
all withered in the draconian winter
endless

24 Responses to “frazzle”

  1. avatar
    knot | 16 April 2008 at 10:47 pm #

    lay off the cough syrup darlink
    that is all i am saying

  2. avatar
    MEM | 16 April 2008 at 11:21 pm #

    i take it back..
    language
    is not a dead art.

  3. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 17 April 2008 at 12:04 am #

    Steven John Kafka !

  4. avatar
    Sharka | 17 April 2008 at 12:23 am #

    Beautifully said!

  5. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 17 April 2008 at 12:59 am #

    hi diddly ho from outback queensland…a place where the sky is a deep and unalloyed blue during the days and crowded with countless stars like chips of ice at night…my god, this is the outback, the closest place of civilisation is a little town an hour-and-a-half from here on rutted, corrigated, bull-dusty roads…see mobs of kangaroos and emus and feral goats flicking in and out of the mulga scrub…it’s a gorgeous country but shit, it’s a hard place, too…you can go out in the middle of a paddock and hear nothing at all except the wind blowing through the trees and the birds, no cars, no people, no television, no telephones, no noise, no nothing…it’s so peaceful…
    eekie, how do you send your attatchments on you messages, i’d love to share a couple of pictures with you guys when i’m able to…
    as for the past week, steve, i’m amazed that you’re not in hospital with all the slings and arrows that you have suffered…what’s that painting that was done a few hundred years back with the guy tied up to the tree and all of those arrows in him as he looks up to the sky and beseeches god to help him…you remind me of him at the moment, don’t worry, i’ll try and send you some of the local scrub honey, rich and dark and strong-tasting but absolutely divine…
    will post in later…
    love always…

  6. avatar
    matt davison | 17 April 2008 at 2:10 am #

    Marty was great.still the best stringer in the world……reckons you should get guitar lessons… but really just think he’s peeved he’s a bit average on the bass.

    Licorice flavoured bloggy today….

    Sherbert tommorrow

    Off to spelling lessons now!!

    PS amanda…….. Sk was never found guilty of biffing Davvydson in NZ…It seems they heard he was the Killer and went with that…But I am not sure

    mD

    SK Give Polinski a rev up!! painkiller is due (Yesterday))))

  7. avatar
    captain mission | 17 April 2008 at 2:33 am #

    strange post, alien and desolate, empty void, words can break your heart sometimes.
    i’d like to see the sun today, days like this remind me of school in london, angry maths teachers and cross country running through the cold mud. even the ocean looks inconsolable.

  8. avatar
    Anne Marie: | 17 April 2008 at 4:19 am #

    For some reaosn today’s post reminds me how I’ve been complaining recently of having ‘no time,’ and it just occurred to me, with you being The Time Being and all, that maybe you could spare some.

    If you can dispense it, I sure do need it.

    Any suggestions Time Being? How does one harness time?

    Anyone care to help with this? Wisdom? Sage advice? Time machine blue prints…?

    😉

  9. avatar
    craig1.618 | 17 April 2008 at 6:03 am #

    blueprints

    pineal gland

    sidereal time

    the looking glass

    all lives simultaneously

    past present future

    all happening

    at the same time

    veil getting thinner

    dreams are lush

    highs are too high

    lows are too low

    reality keeps reinforcing

    what eye

    choose to see

    feel it here

    already

  10. avatar
    princey | 17 April 2008 at 7:48 am #

    Imagine “no gigs in melbourne”…. imagine if you hadn’t come to Melby in ’84 and I never saw my first Church gig and heard the music and words that blew me away and changed my life forever! oooh it makes me shiver at the thought!!
    Thankssssss sk.
    Love Amanda

  11. avatar
    verdelay | 17 April 2008 at 8:50 am #

    To keep it memory
    To prevent it from erupting into NOW
    THE PRESENT
    You’ve got to keep it close to your heart.

    The spiders and the cold and the empty house.
    You don’t want to think about it but you must. YOU MUST.

    Memory. Revisit over and over to keep it locked down. Go there again and again to maintain the chains. Feed it, keep it alive…but weak, ineffective. Prevent it from being real once more, strong. Painfully grasp the ice of it all. Don’t let it thaw, melt away, escape…

    The moment you forget
    It happens all over again.

  12. avatar
    Thomas Thomsen, Denmark | 17 April 2008 at 9:20 am #

    Your mood seems to change a lot, Steve. Only a few weeks ago you seemed happy and content and now these very dark blogs (once again).
    I also “struggle” with my ever-changing moods, though mostly I think I’m a fairly positive person. I’ve been thinking a lot about taking up Yoga and Meditation, and I was wondering what that might do for my peace of mind. Obviously it’s a good thing which those who practice it would recommend, but can you put into words the difference between doing yoga and not doing it? What has it done for your mental state of mind? Do you remember how you felt before you started practicing yoga – as opposed to now?

  13. avatar
    davem | 17 April 2008 at 11:26 am #

    Dark. But beautiful.
    A lot of your best stuff is haunting and melacholic.
    Wherever you are, however you’re feeling…I’m in your corner.
    Love you,

    Dave
    x

  14. avatar
    restaurant mark | 17 April 2008 at 12:58 pm #

    just catching up on the last couple of days…my modem died…got a new yesterday. pretty heavy one today…still absorbing. yesterdays a good read…the guy sounds interesting, adventurous…but a buddhist emperor??? i don’t know, maybe…i wasn’t there…who am i to say…neat if he is!

    “babblebabblegeniusbabble babble babblemoregenius babble
    i gotta get that ratio looking better”

    love that though!

    take care
    mark

  15. avatar
    Lebrinho | 17 April 2008 at 1:25 pm #

    Cheer up, year 2012 will change it all ; )

  16. avatar
    heather | 17 April 2008 at 1:51 pm #

    errgg moments suck, but what canya do?

    I went to the beach after inane day at work and turned my back to the sunset to read art mags; then rolled over to lie on warm therapeutic sand and gaze up at an exquisite magic hour pink and orange fade to a soft wide aussie blue sky brushed with discreet cloud wisps, a sideways silhouette of Saint-Exupery propellor jet, the sparkle of high cessnas and a fresh white moon

    and thought….this could be why I put up with all the shite
    ….and thought of ttb….possibly while hellbound was driving through her mulga yard

    cold winters in sydney can be uncomfortable, yeah…bondi is better than balmain for bass players
    here, have some cyber flowers and herbs~~~

    xxKittykat

  17. avatar
    Jen Jewel Brown | 17 April 2008 at 2:49 pm #

    keeping it real
    beautiful SK

  18. avatar
    Cee | 17 April 2008 at 3:02 pm #

    I hear the warning bells…

  19. avatar
    ScaughtFive | 17 April 2008 at 3:24 pm #

    Good thing there are more rounds left in this fight, eh Killah? A good boxer works the pace of the bout. Faint, duck n clinch until yer strength comes back and then lead with that jab n haymaker you’ve perfected after all this all.

  20. avatar
    Anne Marie: | 17 April 2008 at 3:51 pm #

    “all lives simultaneously

    past present future

    all happening

    at the same time

    veil getting thinner”

    Hey there, Craig, I’ve been discussing this very thing a lot lately with my friend scaughtfive above. Neat to see it serendipitously dressed in print.

    ta,
    am
    (trying to stick to the one comment maximum, but couldn’t help herself)

  21. avatar
    MEM | 17 April 2008 at 5:05 pm #

    an old
    very-wise
    macrobiotic-vegan
    fag-hippy
    (with breatharian
    tendencies
    no doubt),
    once said to
    me,
    “mark, we
    are all
    full of
    shit. and at
    times some
    of us
    more than
    others.”
    i’ve always
    taken that to
    heart.

  22. avatar
    persephone2u | 17 April 2008 at 6:34 pm #

    Cheer up! Chin up and all that. You could always find that the person who built the extension on your house did it all wrong and have all sorts of water damage and flies flooding your kitchen and have to stay elsewhere until the mess is sorted out and fixed. The only good thing to come out of my predicament is that the Hertfordshire countryside view is a lot prettier each morning than the London one.

  23. avatar
    davem | 17 April 2008 at 8:53 pm #

    Rule #1 …never post whilst squiffy.
    I meant melancholic. Now I’m mashed and squiffy.

  24. avatar
    davem | 17 April 2008 at 9:38 pm #

    Boris Johnson????? Tory. Racist. Elitist. Monarchist. Right-wing. Buffoon. Revolution, let’s get the upper-class fools head on a spike Persephone. He’s despicable. The only thing worse about England than our chav culture is toffish twats like Johnson.


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