posted on March 8, 2007 at 10:29 pm

no one who reads this will believe it
ah thats too bad
i write for my muse and her alone
to her are these things are dedicated
lady autumn has come
and white flowers spell my name on green grass
twice a medieval spell has been directed at me
i watch my mirror but no sign of you
everything has significance
how could it be otherwise?
someone must be having such a laugh
its all there out in the open
so blindingly bloody obvious
im still saying where where?
show it to me
i have arranged pebbles in the tetragrammaton
i have burned messages to the dead
i have written my wishes in silver on black paper
at aphrodites altar have i laid sacrifice
and hermes god of magicians no stranger
no stranger i am a stranger myself
i know not this island or the remedy to your suffering
my dreams blur and undulate across watercolour hills
people accost me rudely
i am challenged by the south wind
coming up from antarctica
i feel old suddenly
ha ha says time
you really thought itd go on forever
i have observed unseen constellations in the sky
i have contacted an intelligence within the walls
i have calculated an alternative calendar
and every second tuesday is now given back
there is no reality
i am able to get here so quickly
i am at last a computer poet with asterisks
i am the astral traveller in negative armour
white letters on blackground
i am the most ambiguous man alive
my ambiguity surrounds me like a cushioning fog
here in my verse i am invulnerable
its driving me mad being me
the seasons personally torture me
summer tied me down under a sunlap
and burnt a blue circle behind my eyes
autumn is a grey ghostly bitch
i am held motionless
suspended in embalming mist
winter is an absence
the world shrieks out in agony
frost and heartbreak attend winter
spring is barbarous
the birds strike
the fish bite
the bees sting
the flowers come out in gaudy patches
that make my old head ache
the days of the week are all people to me
a pack of cards contains my next doomed choice
the suicide king and his sad wife
i roll the dice
i smoke the weed
i notice cryptograms in sand and snow
i bump into people presumed missing
i get caught in nets
music is from the middle ages
the dark ages of black magic
oh you lived then
so did i
no no dont drag me back there
i seek the future
bleak as it it maybe
they burnt everything
my house my trees my sisters
my youngest fled into the flaming woods
my little scarlet clad girl
now i turn my back on pasts
i see the clouds have formed a threatening funnel
and the dark maw in the sky
is sucking at my soul
angels are around my bed in the morning
i see them thru my eyelids
i hear them with my hands
but they never say why or where
the autumnal sun is haloed in orange cloud
the sea churns dull green grey
the sky has blanched to the palest only just blue
and sand is forever in the sheets
these are the days then
of gentle dissolution
of fading out
quiet time

46 Responses to “from an occult diary 3”

  1. avatar
    skyintheairwaves | 8 March 2007 at 11:15 pm #

    ‘Having a laugh’!?

    Have you been watching “Extras”?

  2. avatar
    Renee | 8 March 2007 at 11:32 pm #

    you reach in
    grasp my heart
    and wrench it from my chest
    i have died many deaths
    reading your words

  3. avatar
    the dean | 8 March 2007 at 11:33 pm #

    this reads well while listening to fripp’s at the end of time.

  4. avatar
    Tim | 8 March 2007 at 11:38 pm #

    Wow! That came out of some magical well of yours….you really tapped into something there!

    My favorite post so far!

    Reminded me of that track off of Priest = Aura…was it called the Disillusionist? Some of the imagery reminded me of Tom Waits circa Bone Machine.


  5. avatar
    veleska1970 | 8 March 2007 at 11:53 pm #

    whoa~~!! i’ve never heard of an approaching season described quite like this before. but, as done in the classic esskay style, it’s breathtaking.


    lotza love….

  6. avatar
    ben | 9 March 2007 at 12:07 am #

    hey steve want to say the song paradox is a song true for many occasions or times which we as earthlings boast. i enjoyed your music in times that i just didnt want a opinion fed me directly. lately i encourage it although i cant credit myself gods doings. your bloggs helped me in times past invision god as a creator and artist, a few in particular. i had always felt like we didnt have the same agenda simply. i can honestly sasy god loves me know, although sometimes i admitt i havnt the fogiest as to why. you are dear to me and include you in this discovery in which i dare not conclude as to why. my agenda is only too pray you this grace ive recieved. i have done nothing but give in too my selfishness in my life past, and delight in the gift of learning the love to share.

  7. avatar
    CSTCoach | 9 March 2007 at 12:32 am #


  8. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 March 2007 at 1:06 am #

    Say hello to God
    and say goodbye to cellulite.
    Gospel truth!

  9. avatar
    nv | 9 March 2007 at 1:43 am #

    I give your occult diary a 7
    out of a possible 3
    I give your muse a million thanks
    n 2 thumbs up

    easy to imagine the melodies are mine easy to want
    eager, yes-tho
    I know they are not
    I wish not to possess
    something that could never belong to anyone
    only to belong
    all of us just looking for the way back home
    a thread of it here, a glimpse of it there
    in the black glowing white
    for all to see
    the illuminous agape
    the illiterate agape
    thank you muse
    thank you esskay
    thank you india-I keed, I keed!
    no alarming morbidsette
    fer nv
    please no one get yer panties in a twist
    I’m just poking fun-


  10. avatar
    fawn | 9 March 2007 at 2:13 am #

    I can’t express what I feel in response to that -it’s so deep and unfortunately language is not one of my talents. I’m glad it’s yours so I can tune in now and again to this blog and be blown away by something like that.
    I always knew you were there in the Middle ages. I’m guessing you may have been a teacher in one of the big monasteries/mystery schools and I’m guessing that some of us here, were there! I think I may have ventured out of the scriptorium occasionally to listen to you. I know it’s good to look to the future but I’m still back there, still studying the same old things I did last time because they are still the important things, still longing for the familiarity of the medieval architecture, the gargoyles,the thinking, questioning people, the robed monks, the medieval music, it’s still so strong!
    I wish you would state your birth time somewhere for the astrologers amongst us- surely you must have a packed 9th house.

  11. avatar
    Leelinau | 9 March 2007 at 2:34 am #

    everything has significance

    sweeet, I thought it was just me



  12. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 March 2007 at 2:37 am #

    and to think that all this flows so readily thru you. wow. fuck. amazing. brilliant. i worship. i drink deep from thy cup


  13. avatar
    PAGEY | 9 March 2007 at 2:41 am #

    That was totally amazing Dante

  14. avatar
    PAGEY | 9 March 2007 at 2:44 am #

    better than the past, you are so now so supreme so better than anything. Sales mean nothing, you have old kings in your court. We jive and gtlide to your voice and silken words. We tremble with your urgency. We load up the ark of the new covenant as we hum your tunes. Live for it. What? Live for antarcfrikaswiusa….shhhhh.


  15. avatar
    kat | 9 March 2007 at 3:06 am #

    i believe it, sk. i live this, in some sorta sense.


  16. avatar
    mike a | 9 March 2007 at 3:08 am #

    Amazingly beautiful!!

  17. avatar
    Sunshine | 9 March 2007 at 3:16 am #

    If I’ve learned anything at all in this lifetime thus far, it’s that nothing really worth having comes easy. Your tales of withdrawal and how you became hooked in the first place were a very uncomfortable, but necessary read. I’m glad you got through it, and hope you never need to go through it again. I’m certain your family shares these sentiments. 🙂


  18. avatar
    Samosanx | 9 March 2007 at 3:24 am #

    You tell those angels round your morning bed to fuck off (apologies joyce) because I do not want them to take you (as well) and I will fight them if they try.

    weeping angry frightened samosan

  19. avatar
    Symon | 9 March 2007 at 3:28 am #

    Every day I write ….and write and write some more….but none of what I write has the beauty, depth or passion as your words and imagery.

    SK….thanks for giving me…for giving us….YOURSELF. It is an overwhelming gift.

    till next time….Symon

  20. avatar
    ...being here, doing this... | 9 March 2007 at 4:04 am #

    “no no dont drag me back there
    i seek the future
    bleak as it it maybe
    they burnt everything
    my house my trees my sisters
    my youngest fled into the flaming woods
    my little scarlet clad girl
    now i turn my back on pasts”

    “Buddhist teachers always caution against thinking about other lives.” Even on his death bed, the Buddha refused to tell his disciples where he was “going” after this life. As for karma from past lives affecting the present, the Buddha said it “does not lead to profit” to contemplate what we can not know when there is so much we must learn — and unlearn — here and now!

  21. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 March 2007 at 5:30 am #

    but why?

  22. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 March 2007 at 5:50 am #

    dear sk
    your words
    and music
    bring tears
    of beauty
    much love

  23. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 March 2007 at 7:06 am #

    My dears,
    I’ve been away. Just catching up now. So much going down….or coming up? I missed the Basement, apologies. Reading all the posts and (almost all ) the comments from the last week or so I have felt…strange. I’m gonna ruminate on it and get back to y’all. There’s a lot to absorb…and things are changing around here. A dynamic has shifted….

    Hello to John Garrett.
    Hello to Isolde.

    I have to miss the Bricklane send off tomorrow… I have to work. SK, please give my best regs to Andrew H, a true bohemian, as you say, with almost as many kids as you.


  24. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 March 2007 at 7:45 am #

    Dear Steve

    We implore you to forge on, as you reconnoiter this rare and exotic country…be our guide and we will follow, with wide eyes and open hearts!

    c escherbach

  25. avatar
    nv | 9 March 2007 at 8:04 am #

    it took a pretty big joint
    to see it
    didn’t mean
    don’t think that
    just meant
    never assumed
    um, it’s
    and all along, probably

    like the girl in coney island of the mind who doesn’t like poetry

    -not at all like it was intended to


  26. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 March 2007 at 10:20 am #

    As a historian and Christian, I am obliged to redress some popular myths & themes surrounding the “the Burning Times”. Here’s a summary:

    Historians (i.e. such as Edward Peter, Henry Kamen) have long known that the popular view of the Inquisition is a myth. Torture was rare and only about 1 percent of those brought before the Spanish Inquisition were actually executed. In fact, the number of Catholics killed in certain English cities in a period of 10 to 12 hours during the Reformation exceeded the total number killed by the Spanish Inquisition which lasted centuries. On the occasion where abuses were committed, they were committed by the civil power, with a few exceptions, and moreover, they were condemned by Popes Leo X, Paul III, Paul IV, and Sixtus IV who reigned during that period of history. (See the writings of historian William Cobbett for more info). Essentially, the Inquisition was an attempt to STOP unjust executions by SECULAR courts which had gone mad executing people for inane “convictions”. It might come as a surprise to many of you that before 1530, the Spanish Inquisition was widely hailed as the best run, MOST HUMANE court in Europe. There are actually records of convicts in Spain purposely blaspheming so that they could be transferred to the prisons of the Spanish Inquisition! After 1530, however, the Spanish Inquisition began to turn its attention to the new heresy of Lutheranism. It was the Protestant Reformation and the rivalries it spawned that would give birth to the myth of the Spanish Inquisition known as the “Black Legend” (peddled through the new anti-Spanish printing press in the 16th century. Note: Spain was a rich & militarily powerful world superpower with many jealous enemies at that time). This is where all the current anti-Christian “witch-burning” fabricated history and outlandish figures emanate. (NB Ironically, these accusations are quite hypocritical considering most witch burnings were committed in Protestant countries after the Reformation!). Anyway, to put things into perspective, hundreds of thousands of Catholics were killed during the Reformation in Britain & Europe. Many Protestants were also killed in France and other countries! Now add the great many Christians killed since Roman times because of their faith. Finally, compare these figures to the estimated 12,000 – 60,000 executed “witches” — And as you can see, it was a rough bloody time for EVERYBODY — Catholic, Protestant, witch, weirdo, the good, the bad, the innocent and the guilty! Clearly, Jesus Christ isn’t to blame for the killing. Those who claim to be Christian and kill others are simply not Christian.

    A Christian.

    PS Only female witches were burned in England. Quartering was reserved for men accused of witchcraft in England.

    PSS Today, there are many agencies set-up to assist victims of ritual abuse committed by “witches” and other pagan groups.

  27. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 March 2007 at 10:26 am #

    Sorry to push the point SK and blogees, but the link was wrong above, this is the correct one. cheers PV (This is dedicated to the sweet mother lovin’ ass)

    Say hello to God
    and say goodbye to cellulite.
    Gospel truth!

  28. avatar
    indigoruby | 9 March 2007 at 12:27 pm #

    A lovely poem

    And I was sure the cellulite link was one of those weird mass-generated things that pops up here occasionally and sticks out like dog’s bollocks…

    Hey Fawn, I am a bit of an astrologer too. I’ll get back to you on it,

  29. avatar
    persephone2u | 9 March 2007 at 12:55 pm #

    love ya and your otherworldly prose.

  30. avatar
    restaurant mark | 9 March 2007 at 1:03 pm #

    that was great man…one i get this cup of coffee in me and a little smoke i may have to read it again

  31. avatar
    captainmission | 9 March 2007 at 1:42 pm #

    Occult Diary
    captain mission

    occult diary’s,
    dream journals
    deep thoughts and
    deeper means

    hidden truth
    between moments
    may your patterns find

    her nature lays ever changing
    seeking light and finding why
    her nature rests in these silent spaces
    waiting to be realized

    occult diary’s
    codes and signs
    perfect meaning in
    perfect rhymes

    all has reason
    and all is known
    may your spirit find
    its way home

    his nature cyclic and sphere
    all creation, reflection of your mind
    his nature a mirror that you wear
    revealing the beautiful kind

    occult diary’s
    incantation cast
    a rite to loose the self
    a ritual behind the mask

    new endings
    fresh beginnings now
    calling down a name

    an opening and closing
    naming your intention
    awaiting revelation
    the sacred and the profane

  32. avatar
    John Garratt | 9 March 2007 at 1:51 pm #

    Winter…I think I’m finally done with that shit over here in this hemisphere. I can walk on the sidewalks now.


  33. avatar
    tarot princess | 9 March 2007 at 2:27 pm #

    Did your muse leave you? did you break her heart? she’s still around but you’ll have to seek her out, show your true self. You need each other but not for what it seems.

    LOVE – too much worry, work and not enough of you sk! take time out for passion – make a decision now! It looks chaotic there sk.

    LIFE – use some extra money flowing into your life to fulfil a special childhood dream. Let the past in but stay flexible. You will get your reward from writing and presenting your ideas. Make sure you create a special space for yourself at home away from others problems, for your health.

    LUCK – I see matching dates and events? flying? the tour maybe. Good vibrations there.

    Welcome change and all will go well.


  34. avatar
    nickfiction | 9 March 2007 at 2:44 pm #

    fuck…… that was amazing

  35. avatar
    public savant | 9 March 2007 at 3:00 pm #

    Can’t comment from work any more
    the electronic gatekeeper is suddenly, uncharacteristically canny
    no double-clutch on the refresh button
    if it was one person
    calling these shots
    i’d be off on a quest
    to barton, a.c.t.
    where squares of concrete are tilted into walls
    i’d feel just like travis bickle
    and that two years of my adolescence weren’t wasted
    listening to Kim Salmon carry on
    but no
    it’s an automaton
    or a series of reasonably well-paid ideas of men
    with bad breath
    and oily necks
    fuck i’ll take them out
    you think i’m kidding
    i’m ready like johnny hollywood
    i’m set for this like veleska
    under threat of eviction
    today i urged a pigeon out of its pathetic nest
    well i had to season my batu deck
    a horrible task
    never helped
    by the volcanic sludge of brooding
    mummy birds
    i’ve gotta put an end to this now i thought
    it’s an improbable spot that they’ve tried before
    best get it over with right away
    i nudged its house of stix
    with a broomstick
    it flew off to the neighbour’s roof
    and all in six seconds
    one beautifully formed egg smashed upon my hardwood
    and a second exited mama quicksmart
    exploded and quite possibly cooked
    on the scorching galvanised hip over yonder
    i’m horrified and nauseous
    and el mo siguente is accusatory in my ears
    and something horrible is in store for me
    i’ve caused a mother’s grief
    in the course of satiating another mother’s deep needs
    for a splinter-free play area
    where she can send our little people
    aint it funny how obsessive-compulsive disorder
    can be cute and endearing in a three year old
    but pitiful in an adult

    i just had to say
    i just bought the whole kit on i-tunes
    where the fuck is that angelic harmonising?
    i kno it’s an “instrumental”
    but you and Martinez need to be careful
    if the Christians get a bootleg of you dudes
    performing that gestaltist vocalising
    throwing your heads back and peeling back every last layer
    they’ll pass it off as the sound of the glory of god
    and thereby ruin it
    it gives this atheist pain to say it
    but at manchester lane
    i felt like i was on a train with my i-pod
    until comeuppance
    then i transcended
    you guys know what you’re doing with comeuppance live
    more people need to hear it
    that live version means more than anything else you’ve ever done
    in geelong
    a weird generous spirit filed the space
    after Martinez signed the converse boot of my nephew Max
    and comeuppance was even better again
    the best meld of your and marty’s considerable talents
    you fucking inveterate americans on here
    may never hear it in any form other than that which is officially released
    and that gives me warmth
    when little else does

  36. avatar
    matthew | 9 March 2007 at 3:22 pm #

    Steve, yesterday I was remiss in not finding time to say: thanks for your honesty about ‘the stuff’… that was one hell of a read, things I never knew, thank you thank you.

  37. avatar
    CeciliaGin | 9 March 2007 at 4:19 pm #

    angels are around my bed in the morning
    i see them thru my eyelids
    i hear them with my hands
    but they never say why or where

    en la mañana, angeles rodean mi cama
    los veo a traves de mis parpados
    los oigo con mis manos
    pero jamas dicen porque or adonde

  38. avatar
    knot | 9 March 2007 at 4:49 pm #

    i don’t know what to tell you, my brother
    i lit the tapers, orange & red & brown
    i held the antique mirror in the light of the full boar moon
    i laid out offerings before dead celts
    my cat pearl did chide me
    saying i was doing it all wrong
    she is such a little know-it-all
    perhaps she can take over the quest
    and i can get some long earned rest
    slather my bread with yellow butter
    and go back to bed
    wake me up when it is time

  39. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 March 2007 at 5:26 pm #


  40. avatar
    davem | 9 March 2007 at 5:38 pm #

    This northern/southern hemisphere stuff can confuse.
    It’s a glorious spring day in blighty. Cool but sunny, birds singing and crous peeping their heads up.
    Given all that and it’s Friday evening as well I can’t help but feel heady, happy and hedonistic.
    Good to read yon blogge and touch the flip-side, the illusory reality of it all…paradox on paradox. Privilege on privilege.
    Love you more,

    Dave M

  41. avatar
    isolde | 9 March 2007 at 5:46 pm #

    you see
    in the mirror
    they can only see
    things as they are

    hello b.bon

  42. avatar
    davem | 9 March 2007 at 5:48 pm #

    Where’s Sue C?

  43. avatar
    Anonymous | 9 March 2007 at 6:54 pm #

    Hmm! I’ve heard of Holocaust denial, but Inquisition denial!?

    Just go on the net and check out the various implements of torture used by the Inquisition. Makes Hitler and Pol Pot look like pussycats!

    George taxi

  44. avatar
    mime | 9 March 2007 at 7:41 pm #

    Beautiful it is.

    I just read you’re going to play in Hengelo – i sympathize. But i’ll be there. You might as well play Buffalo and adjust the lyrics a little: Hang-a-low… sounds almost exactly the same!

  45. avatar
    relic | 10 March 2007 at 4:13 am #

    Sue Cee just posted today Dave.

  46. avatar
    JJ | 11 March 2007 at 4:54 am #

    I love Autumn. “In Autumn he comes to this town”…..the lifting of the oppressive summer heat and stagnation. Fresh breezes blow, sweet chill relief, blazing Fall color a riot from mother nature’s palette.

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