posted on December 25, 2005 at 8:34 pm

boxxing day, fiends
hip hip hooray
now i know ya dont have boxxing day in the usa
tough luck, you american idles
cos us aussies
and pommies
are just gonna have all the fucken fun
ourselves
boxxing day
calloo callay
i chortled in my joy
strange out there on streeties
exxed up party goers
collide with fambleys on the way for
early morning swimmy
out there a party still struggles on
despite daylight
despite the prevailing of common sense
the partys over, you idiots
go home
have a nice warm bath
and pray you aint gonna feel
like we both know you gonna feel
tomorrow
what goes up
must come down
as above
so below
that stuff you took
just sucked every goode thing
it could find in the very fuckin’ marrow
of yer boddy
oh yeah
just like a loco motive
running on full steam
yer eccy pill
or whatever the hell that was keeping yer engines o pleasure
burnin’ all nite long
HOWEVER
and its a big however, baybee
HOWEVER
to do that
it took next weeks energy
and tomorrows good mood
and next tuesdays endorphins
you were gonna need them
after your tennis match with gerald
so i dunno
will you use this sage advice yourself, sk?
no, probably not….
but at least i have identified the time theft principle
for ya
so remember
dont look on the drug as the thing itself
its more like a thug
who coshes the dude in yer nervous system
who normally doles out the good feelings
a little more cautiously

ah
im a walking fountain o’ knowledge
for all things sacred and profane
why hasnt some govement
why hasnt some huge corp
some org.
hired me
in an advisory capacity natch

i must admit ole sk lucked out again
my new lil baby scarlet
is very civilised
for someone of 9 weekes olde
lovely moddish black hairdo
we all like to do it our own way
after her bathy
and shes seems to have been on this ride before
(surprise surprise)
she already knows the ropes
does all the right stuff
good on ya baby bouncer !

my mum came round yesterday
we watch a new dvd (the 80s sumpthin’)
its got the choich
doin ungarded gnome tent
on countdown circa 1981
how excruciatingly awful
how hilarious and sombering
how everything and nuthin’

strange scenes on bondi beach yessaday
many coppers
some in the special division gear
marchin’ up an down
getting their gators wet
posing for pictures with yon pretty gurls
and chil’ren
protecting uss from our fuckin’ selves
whoah
thats pathetic
havent we learned one damn thing?
will we ever learn one damn thing?
is it even possible?
does this planet seem like an obstacle course to you 2
does it seem to have mechanisms built into it
that are there to make it so much bloody harder?
doesnt seem that just when ya stretch out yer hand
to claim yer reward
the manne appears
no no sk
(INSERT YER OWN INITIALS IF YER LIKE)
you didnt pay yer blah blah blah
or fill in yer blah blah blah
or declare yer palace in india
or yer oil wells in ireland
or yer apartment above miracle street
everytime you think its gonna happen for ya
theres that manne
cheerfully trampling on yer dreams
fucking up the world for the other 99.9 per cent of us
who jus’ wanna (space) rock
and bring up our dutiful daughters
who wants to fight in a fuckin’ war?
just this tiny tiny tiny lil bunch
of blood thirsty cowardssss
they leave it all to us proles
(at least in ye olde olden days
the king men were the 1st up the
fuckin’ front of le battle)
the kinda pricks you wouldnt hire for any other gig
cos theyre too stupid dishonest and ugly
you know the @#&^ers im talkin of
the ones who always you-naminously vote themselves a raise
the ones who got yer grandfathers killed
the ones in the fuckin suits with the weird smiles
the reptilians
the greedy vicious priveleged little ratbagges

jesus, sk
what a rant
the white houses on yer tail now
visas cancelled mysteriously
(christ, theyre not so keene on me , as it is!!)
men in dark suits followin me home from yoga
navy seals in the ice bergs poole
( i will not follow you to the seal line)
helicopters hovering outside
while my hands rockin’ the cradle
miked up dolphinss swimming wid me
in the briny waves
bugging devices in the veg cafes
(i’ll have a tempeh burgah and soy sedition pie)
fuck em
they cant bust sk
they fear the wrath of the bohemianss
the white witches
the olde hippies
the acupuncturists
the past life regressors
the guitar pickers
la poetss
the surfers
the nudistss
the yoga teachers
the naturopaths
the whales
potters
winos
dreamers
goths
they couldnae stand up to our collective might
imagine if the bohemian empire was to suddenly disappear?
itd be like 1950s all over again
before sgt pepper and pot n acid
destroyed the “straights” veneer
and exposed the ugly brutal pointlessness
of their evil schemes
but
my bohemian conspirateurs
but
if it wasnt for uss
theyd have no one to persecute
no one to holde downe
no one to smother
manipulate
harangue
and harass
make 2006 a bohemian year, you fiendss
i enjoin you on this task
i crave 100 per cent bohemian ness from ya all
do something bohemian this boxxing day
blow a spliff in a “straights”ss face
drop acid and admire the flowers
in the botanic gardens where the “straights”
are havin their bar b q
tell em ya dont dig their disgustin altar
tell em ya dont believe in workin for the manne
tell em yer dont care fer their pig fat
or their hairspray
wear floral or paisley, that’ll show em
wear elephant cords by lee cooper
wear bearcat jeans
wear anti-lopes and zigger jackets
wear beatle boots or thongs
wear flowers in yer hair
if ya got no hair
get a hare
and make him wear the flowers
look at the clouds
and appreciate gods supreme talent as an artist
kiss someone cute whos a bohemian an’ say
you know….yore really special….
project nice thoughts to the birds
theyre waiting for it
stand on the beach
or in the towne square
and scream
i cant believe that (insert name here of leader)
iss the best fuckin leader we could fuckin find in this country!!!
cmon people
sk for governor general now
i got the uk-aust-us-euro- links down
im a genius
(arent i?)
im handsome in a statesmen like way
(aftah mah makeover, natch)
i’ll stop all the fuckin argy bargy
legalise the goode stuffe
piss off the badde stuffe
for , like, ever, BAYBEE
and youll never see corruption
graft
or prostitutes
under me
thats right
ring yer congress fuckin’ man now
and demand
SK
now
dont wait
remember
all the way
with SJK

7 Responses to “i am just a poor bouy, tho mah storeys seldom tolde”

  1. avatar
    flowerpower | 25 December 2005 at 11:43 pm #

    I will be ya campaign advisor! I can hear the chant now “S-J-K!
    S-J-K! S-J-K! Free our minds from straight-jacket!” Space rock will be high rotation on quadruple M. Big cash granties for budding bohemains, scupltors, winos, x-centrics and star children who want spread thier vegemite jars of love and light all over ozzie and our little planet.

    Grumpy and bitter human beans will not be allowed into the congress of love.

  2. avatar
    paula | 26 December 2005 at 12:17 am #

    hi sweet saturnian consort,have just injested izzydora afternot for a while and i must express [as the first class twentieth sentury art critic that iam]that it is an exseptional piece of goosebump fodder!!await next installment with baity breath and soggy crotch .enjoy mastery of the eight limbs!+&a frequent fryer.

  3. avatar
    Anonymous | 26 December 2005 at 3:26 am #

    steve, i used to love you so much…but ur brain seems to be drug fcked or something…

  4. avatar
    Anonymous | 26 December 2005 at 3:56 am #

    I fully realize that I risk being burned alive at the stake by your fans for this, but may I suggest that if people are going to fully embrace the bohemian lifestyle that they take 3 steps backwards from the patchouli and spare those of us around them? Let’s just say that a certain part of sea addle (Free f’ing Mont) is overrun by patchouli soaked bohos which makes it very hard indeed for this wide-eyed anarchist at the gates of dawn to get her vanilla soy latte at Peet’s when the need arises.

    k

  5. avatar
    Anonymous | 26 December 2005 at 4:51 am #

    Bono stole Time magazine 2005 man of the year from sk
    I’m stealing it back!

  6. avatar
    esskayer | 26 December 2005 at 8:58 am #

    Sooo…what’s your point? 🙂

  7. avatar
    eek | 26 December 2005 at 9:07 am #

    Sounds like an excellent plan to me! (I kinda like the rants — they make a lot of sense to me…)

    And Scarlet sounds like yet another of those delightful Kilbey girlies! You’re a lucky papa Steve.


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