posted on January 10, 2007 at 9:10 pm

good morning fiendss
another lovely day here in nth bondi
im feeling a little uncertain
about everything
the solid facts of my life
are temporary things
snatched away so easily by time
health
possessions
family
friends
even time together
all taken by time
am i really the time being?
what does he mean by that?
time crashes all over me
i am ultrasensitive to time
on my wrist the tatoo “no time”
in case of emergency
no time
in truth
in good time
as i once wrote
and again
only time separates us from the grave
as soon as time runs out
i say
gimme more time
another day
one more day of sweet life
one more day in my lovers bed
one more day in the sunlight
more time in the limelight
more time for laughing
more time for being
and
more of the time for the being
yoga buys me time
qi gong buys me time
meditation buys me time
swimming takes time but still buys time
love buys me time
the following deplete time
drugs, booze, argy-bargy
gossip, telly, anxiety
at the end of my life
i will ask for another day
just one more sweet day
oh the people are all beautiful n interesting
how i envy them all
outside this infirmary
all the people with time
playing round within time
now im almost outside time
what would you give me….?
time for this
time for that
time to do this
to time to try that
days accelerate
nights shrink
i clutch at the fabric of my days
i panic as it rips
as a day i grasp
unravels the seams of time
the seems of time
the fates hold up our slender thread
snip snip snip
people falling to the left n right
why do you go on…? someone asks
how do you stop? i reply
what do you want? they ask again
time? can i have time?
money over time? they say
time is money i reply
when will it be moneytime though?
never ever again?
or
soon, son, soon
bills accumulate
the rent is due
the seasons change
the dreaded phone calls
the knocks at the door
an idiot rings me up and says
killer why dontcha just chill
cant he see im freezing here…?
months elongate unexpectedly
the new moon
womens courses flow
babies are born
people are married
grandparents pass away
everything in its place
for everything
term turn term
the term of his natural life
where is the natural in my life
lookin’ sharp in my flats but no naturals
fate turns it all on right at the end
tick tick but never tock
goes my olde kitchen clock
my ears ringing more than this time last year
and that was a scream
2007…im hanging on to ya
i might let a little bit of january go by…
to give me something to hold on to…
but im gonna dig in the brakes
around feb
the brakes n the breaks
scarlet kilbey waddles in the room
and when she leaves shes in high heels
the twillies are women n mothers
the doodles become teenagers
they blossom and move out n away
i clutch again at short straws
my breathing becomes laboured
feels like i can never get enough air
the words on pages blur
the names in my mind fade
never to be spoken again
my voice dry
and then….
and then
i ask myself
what did it all mean
my life as sk
was a day
in the life
of all my lives
all the events n places n people
just trivial unremembered playground incidents
the breakthrus n failures
so what
and johnny o boogie was right
there IS nothing to get hung about
resistance is futile
but futility is futile too, baybee
jesus says we could move mountains with faith
if we but knew how
buddha says chill killer n take the middle path
krishna says nothing that lives will ever truly die
bobby dylan says
when i am in the darkness why do you intrude?
davy blowie says
we dont dance much, we just ball n play
then we move around like tigers on vaseline
jimbo says
lost in a roman wilderness of pain
n all the children are insane
cs lewis says
in the last days of narnia….
you dont wanna read that yer favourite place was in its last days..
i mean i dont mind the decline of the roman empire but..
everybody says nostradamus this…..
end of days we living in now
no more popes
(good fucking riddance)
no more wars for a while
a golden age of peace
or
collision with wormwood
the pit opens
666 on yer forehead baybee or no service
whose side are ya on?
good or evil?
aslan or tash?
if you worship aslan but call him tash, what then?
why does aslan permit tash to exist?
and time
time
time……
machine guns dripping with years
ya come
ya go
ya arrive
ya leave
steven, yer leavin’ say the doodles
n everyone laughs
n then
everyones gone
and the credits roll
i cant believe that was the last episode
i say to nk
as i turn off the screen with the clicker
and her chair is empty
theres no furniture
theres no walls
only
light

56 Responses to “i dont know …just where im going….”

  1. avatar
    mattdavison | 10 January 2007 at 9:27 pm #

    It must be something we are all thinking about at the moment.. I am for sure….”Time”

    Time is mortal, we are mortal Who or what comes first.. is time real or just a measure for a long or short moment?? or another place that moves along side us slowing, and speeding up at it’s will. Is It organic?? Or manufactured by our creator.. I dunn no! I am baffled” Of course we are victims of time, and communicators of the meaning placed apon time, but as time passes T”empus Fugegt” we stand together with it.. all of us get the hours the day’s, but none of us get the same amounts..in total sometimes we steal it from ourselves..time is the currency of the rich..and the blessing if we are gifted.

    That’s it
    I think.
    Matt

  2. avatar
    galamor the wizard | 10 January 2007 at 9:29 pm #

    Can’t beleive I’ the first reply for once! A nice way to start the day. In your musings about time, have you every read a book called “Einstein’s dreams” by Alan Lightman? It’s just a little book but packs a punch! It has all of these imaginings about time like, imagine if time was a flock of nightingales, or imagine time was a local phenomenon, or imagine if time was a visible dimension etc etc. No, it doesn’t include imagine there’s no heaven!

  3. avatar
    John Garratt | 10 January 2007 at 9:31 pm #

    Hey, I really like that “Time Being” song. How did you guys come up with that?

    John

  4. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 January 2007 at 3:16 am #

    Hi SK/Peter,

    Good luck for opening nite tonite.

    Love,
    d n t

  5. avatar
    geenunn | 11 January 2007 at 3:34 am #

    And as Leonard Cohen says: ‘I will wait a little while behind this curtain – no, I have waited too long’

    sk,
    if we only did no waiting
    if we only did
    if only
    if

    hope tonight is a blast and i am sorrowful that i will not be there to see you…

    talk soon

    geenunn

  6. avatar
    veleska1970 | 11 January 2007 at 3:36 am #

    time is of the essence. we can’t rewind it and we can’t pause it. all we can do is live each moment as if it may be the last, because after all, we don’t know when that last moment will be.

    indeed, a very wise and thought-provoking blog today, steve.

    lotza love…..

  7. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 January 2007 at 3:42 am #

    I’ve got nothing to say but it’s OK!!

    Love
    Celticat

  8. avatar
    aurorad | 11 January 2007 at 3:42 am #

    Good luck with the performance tonight.

  9. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 January 2007 at 3:44 am #

    the page was blank all day…then it opened up and sucked us in…now im depressed and feel older than I did two minutes ago, the time it took to read the blog

  10. avatar
    CSTCoach | 11 January 2007 at 3:52 am #

    that was a really good one today. i’m a little obsessed with time. it eats away at me, always there just out of view, mucking about at the edges of the visible. i think thats part of what drew me to your muse-ic and your work. it hooked me cause you wrote about time, and distance, and that beautiful melancholy nostalgia (which is of course a function of time…).

    good luck with the play tonight 🙂

    packing my bags for the west coast. back in a few days to catch up…

    take care.

    ryan

  11. avatar
    ...being here, doing this... | 11 January 2007 at 3:53 am #

    “Life is followed by death;
    death is followed by life.
    What cannot be done, can be done;
    what can be done, can no longer be done.
    Right becomes wrong and wrong right.
    The flow of life changes circumstances and then things themselves are changed in turn . . .
    People will never see Tao when they only notice one of a pair of opposites,
    when they concentrate on only one aspect of being . . .
    The pivot of Tao passes through the centre where all affirmations and denials converge.
    He who holds to the centre is at the still-point from which all change and all opposition can be seen in its right perspective.”

    Chuang Tzu

  12. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 January 2007 at 3:57 am #

    Steven,
    Reads like a very existential bloggy today. Funny, I always remembered that one line “Only time separates us from the grave.” What does it all mean in the end? Ah you ask the eternal question – those greater than myself have asked it long before me and still no answers. Yet your questions are beautiful and beautifully written and are some comfort to those of us whole sometimes feel we are asking them alone and all we hear back are our own voices in a lonely echo.

    When I was 5 I asked my mother, “Am I going to die?” She said “Yes but not for a long, long, long time” and she said I walked away still looking unsettled. Now 35 years later I think, oh I had so much time back then but didn’t know it. Now I have so much less time and know the passing of every single second! Crazy life.
    love,
    denise
    xxoo

  13. avatar
    the dean | 11 January 2007 at 3:58 am #

    this is the struggle we all face, when acedia is condoned and avarice a virtue.

  14. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 January 2007 at 3:58 am #

    Time is imaginary.
    Hows the rabble downstairs?
    Just thought Id let u know that I popped a copy of Craig Bey vs The Church under their door this arvo.

    Enjoy!!!

    Dutch Pierre

  15. avatar
    MarkM | 11 January 2007 at 4:11 am #

    Since my health crash last year I have become obsessed with the passing of time…wasting it, tryin to make it all count, watching it go by too fast…and since the birth of my daughter it’s all speeding up immeasurably.
    I was actually thinking up a blog of my own on the subject – but of course sk, you’re way ahead of me.
    Really enjoyed todays blog. Have a good opening night….

  16. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 January 2007 at 4:31 am #

    Hi Steve, your blog hit a chord with me today – so much so that I felt compelled to respond – my first time ever!! (I am a daily reader). The older I get, the more petrified I get at the fragility of life – especially as my young children grow…. and, even more so – the increase in the prevelance of cancer (my main fear!). My school friend just passed away from secondary breast cancer at 35 yrs leaving her 7 yr old daughter behind. Throughout her fight she was amazing – she chose to fight it all naturally – daily concoctions of herbs and juices – she so wanted to live – yet this terrible cancer beast seemed determined to take her.
    I believe all the sentiments of your bloggers – live each day to the full, be a good, decent person with a conscience and cherish your children, your husband/wife and the ones you love….you never know what cards you may be dealt.
    Steve, reading your daily thoughts and feelings via this blogg – you do all these things! You are a beautiful man – and we are all blessed to be able to share your sentiments. Thank you for this blogg xxxx.

  17. avatar
    don joe | 11 January 2007 at 4:37 am #

    very well done on that blog Steve. Really got the anticipation, the fear, the neurosis that grabs us at some point and shakes us to ferment.

    Guess you gotta believe that there is something else after the time clock stikes out. Just has to be more than sheer material tripe. This universe etc didn’t evolve out of a pool of ammonia etc… if it did, I choose not to believe it! Then again, time could be considered to be a consideration and not an actuality; ie: it exists because it is agreed that it exists. As u spoke, be interesting to see what’s there when time is moved to the side…

    Have a grand opening etc for the play, hope to see you in ‘Her Majesty’s” in Melbourne soon

  18. avatar
    the chowman | 11 January 2007 at 4:40 am #

    “…like the life held in your palm, it’s clay…one day”

    Love the imagery…

  19. avatar
    damien | 11 January 2007 at 4:56 am #

    If I may quote one Ted “Theodore” Logan:

    “Don’t forget to wind your watch!”

    Break a leg tonight, Steve.

  20. avatar
    leelinau | 11 January 2007 at 5:16 am #

    just like in a movie

    *.*

  21. avatar
    ambnt1 | 11 January 2007 at 5:30 am #

    Steven,

    It’s “time” for me to leave my comment:

    “IT’S ALREADY YESTERDAY”

    That just about sums it up, don’t you think?

    Wonderful blog today.

    –Chrisso from Frisco

    n.p. “Narcosis + More” (I wanted the remastered reissue w/bonus tracks, and I wanted it now. I wanted MORE of the “+ More” part, in fact I wanted three more cee-dees worth of the previously unreleased secret hidden gems lying dormant in the vault. I’ll try and be patient for Freaky Conclusions 2)

  22. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 January 2007 at 6:17 am #

    Do you really have a tatoo ?

  23. avatar
    stealthblue | 11 January 2007 at 6:43 am #

    Trippy…it just seems like the more time moves on, the faster it gets. I suppose we all just have to relish our every breathing moment, well we should be able to anyway…even as breaths become more shallow or deep. I guess I will have plenty of things to think about tomorrow while I am at JURY DUTY!! Fun, fun for everyone. Take care you all and good night.
    Peace,
    Ben V.

  24. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 January 2007 at 7:28 am #

    Gazooks I have it!!!!

    Q. Why does time speed up when you get older?

    A. When you are 12, 5 years is nearly half of your life and seems a very long time (i.e. being 16 and waiting for uyour drivers license is mursder cos that 12 months is 1/16th of your life.)

    And when your 52 1 year is 1/52th of your life so of course it seems like it speeds up.

    Sounds feasible to me – what do youse think?

  25. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 January 2007 at 7:46 am #

    friend kilbey,

    you make sense

    I have been reading your blobstar
    for a while now

    the time being

    Thank you
    for inspiring

  26. avatar
    verdelay | 11 January 2007 at 7:55 am #

    SUTRA

    each day breathes
    heaves
    heaven
    and down again
    my Lady’s breast

    She comes
    She goes
    She breathes
    so i breathe
    with her

    Her breast
    rises and falls
    all i can do
    is lay my head
    upon it

    breathe
    perceive
    with Her
    see the world
    through Her eyes

  27. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 January 2007 at 7:56 am #

    I like my thyme with a bit of mustard and rye

    yummmmmmmmmy
    in my
    tuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmy

  28. avatar
    fantasticandy | 11 January 2007 at 7:56 am #

    NOW is the time.

  29. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 January 2007 at 8:41 am #

    if you are not living your life to ITS’ fullest potential YOU ARE HALF DEAD!!!
    This comment came straight from me lady’s mouth, me Mar Mar, here in me dark room as we are smoking me spliff just for you esskay…
    Hollywood

  30. avatar
    annikajones | 11 January 2007 at 9:04 am #

    “only time separates us from the grave”

    Yes. But only time allows us to exist.
    I don’t wear a watch.

  31. avatar
    kat | 11 January 2007 at 9:06 am #

    sk,

    it’s hard when u have always felt like you are out of time. that’s me. but you have achieved so much! still, it’s hard not to be bummed sometimes. good luck tonite, actor. [it’s tonite, right?]

    ;

  32. avatar
    Richard | 11 January 2007 at 9:09 am #

    Celticat – I’ve had the same thought many times.

    It goes right down to the hours minutes and seconds. A small consolation (if the logic is extended) is that although life speeds up (as the bard once said), and always will, the rate of acceleration is slowing down, and always will.

    I think.

    Only trouble with that analysis is that it depends so much on logic – and logic is a singularly human creation.

    I’m not that sure that time exists at all.

    Maybe its just a construct that lets us make sense of what happens – a convenient way of explaining the fact that we move between different spaces.

    Past and future?

    Maybe there’s nothing but now.

    Don’t you think it’s hard, RIGHT NOW, to think that this very moment, will EVER cease.

    And this moment.

    And this moment.

    Maybe that’s what eternal life is all about – and why we should do what we can with the ‘time’ we have.

    We fear death and mourn the dead but don’t look back with dread to the time we hadn’t been born.

    Logic is great – but it struggles with infinity.

    And is infinity really such a big ask?

    That said – it’s time for another beer, and nearly time for the news!

    Here endeth the ramble!

    (Best blog yet SK).

  33. avatar
    captainmission | 11 January 2007 at 11:52 am #

    time is just gods way of stopping everything happening at once
    good luck with yr play steve

  34. avatar
    Andromeda7 | 11 January 2007 at 12:01 pm #

    wistful, beautiful. you think so deeply. they say all time is now. just like that… thanks

  35. avatar
    the passenger | 11 January 2007 at 12:03 pm #

    thanks verdelay. beautuful poetry

  36. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 January 2007 at 1:05 pm #

    So very true…

    Work like you don’t need the money.
    Love like you’ve never been hurt.
    Dance like nobody’s watching.
    Sing like nobody’s listening
    Live like it’s Heaven on Earth.

    Love always

    D
    xxx

  37. avatar
    Daberhasher | 11 January 2007 at 1:26 pm #

    what to say?
    awaiting on us all?
    is sorrow the only guarantee?
    is this the only now?

    with love
    for the love
    you have sent us all
    in sound

    who are you…

    aloha,
    stopping looking listening
    ee

    sincerest wishes for the year with the twillies dream to come true…
    forward ever, backward never…

  38. avatar
    restaurant mark | 11 January 2007 at 1:40 pm #

    gonna be thinking about that one for a while…
    an old friend of mine, 35, nice guy, keyboard player…haven’t seen him in 8 years, had moved to new york, got married, had a little boy…died on monday, in his sleep, don’t know why yet…it was his time?…time ran out? you’ve said it before steve, tell everyone you love them as much as you can…you never know when yours is up, out…
    peace

  39. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 January 2007 at 2:10 pm #

    i could write a poem after reading that
    but then, i think you said it all.

    mentioning Jimbo was putting the cherry on top, man.
    i’d love to get your take on him someday.

    thanks,

    scott h

  40. avatar
    JJ | 11 January 2007 at 2:47 pm #

    “Can you picture what will be? So limitless and free, desperately in need of some stranger’s hand, in a desperate land…….”

    Perhaps that’s how it will be, without limits, sudden mind-expansion, or… perhaps nothingness. Ghosts crowd the young child’s eggshell mind…

  41. avatar
    persephone2u | 11 January 2007 at 3:06 pm #

    Uh oh, I’m feeling the need to read The Last Battle yet again. Damn my narnia addiction!

  42. avatar
    Anthony | 11 January 2007 at 3:13 pm #

    Wow..just wow. One of your best. Thanks.

  43. avatar
    CeciliaGin | 11 January 2007 at 3:57 pm #

    …and the enemy on the wall
    watch it tick
    watch it crawl
    watch it take away the ones you love

    …everything comes around sooner or later
    C. Devlin

  44. avatar
    (('{~_~}')) | 11 January 2007 at 6:26 pm #

    Warning……
    If you don’t want to hear my story, please stop reading now and move your eyes to the next comment. Your choice, just don’t complain about it later! It will hurt me too much. I am a very sensitive being. I just need to get this off my chest I suppose, very public I know, but this is who I am right now. Cancer made me this way. The anonymity of the blog appeals, though I do feel rather vulnerable. We can blame this very long comment on Steve’s post; it has hit me like a brick.

    at the end of my life
    i will ask for another day
    just one more sweet day

    Steve, one more day is never enough!

    Until death calls out your name and hits you in the face, it is there in the far distance, separate from you. After all, death is for the dying and we feel we are part of the living.

    Time is all we have. Cherish and embrace it. Steve, you are in good health and hopefully your twillies will be okay with their Syringomyelia. I really feel for you, it is easier to deal with one’s own illness, rather than to see your children in ill health or pain.

    Matt Davidson says “time is the currency of the rich..”
    Rich or poor, we are all slaves to time. I have bought time. I would be dead today if it weren’t for two amazing surgeons.

    Steve, your post really got to me today, it was just too close to home, so much so that I had to walk away from the computer driven to tears. Hours later, I have returned. Fuck, I get depressed at times having to live this way. I wouldn’t wish my life on anyone. I still tape my surgical scar, partly to try to make it flat and less ugly, but also as I cannot bear to look at it as it is a constant reminder of the dreaded “C” word and of my mortality.

    Nic, I know how your friend felt. I was diagnosed with a rare type of cancer last May. They cut a 10cm tumour out of my pelvis; it had grown from my Meckel’s diverticulum, a remnant of structures within the fetal digestive tract that were not fully reabsorbed before birth. Approximately 2% of the population has a Meckel’s diverticulum. They also removed my left ovary and left fallopian tube, pelvic tissue and part of my small bowel.

    One morning I just couldn’t get out of bed, fever, shaking, vomiting. The worst I had ever felt. I told hubby to get the girls ready for school and kindergarten and they all left. That day I kept thinking of Grant McLennan, of how he had died in bed just days before. I felt I may suffer the same fate.

    Prior to that day, I’d been ill for ages and no one had picked it up. There had been trips to the hospital and GP, blood transfusions, tests… I kept thinking it was intense pain from a back injury 10 years prior. I had lived with back pain for years and still do. In fact the back injury had delayed my eventual diagnosis.

    MarkM said, ”Since my health crash last year I have become obsessed with the passing of time…wasting it, tryin to make it all count, watching it go by too fast..”

    Every day since May 20, feels like borrowed time. As a result, I feel I have a new identity. People see me differently, treat me differently. I symbolize their worst fear. As a result of my illness I have gained new friends and lost old ones.

    Hospital was a nightmare! Two weeks in the gyno ward, surrounded by pensioners. I felt anger that every other patient there was so much older than me. What the fuck was I doing there? Why did this happen to me? I was told I was not in the age group for tumours.

    I recall waking up post surgery in this morphine induced state, blurred vision, confused and weak reeking in pain… The phone rings, it’s my husband telling me news of the operation, that they had taken photos of the tumour. He seemed happy as one of the surgeons had given him the impression that there was a good chance that it was benign. Later that night, this oncologist walks in, tells me I had Gist cancer and that they still had tests to do but it looked like it was C kit positive. What the fuck was Gist cancer? C kit positive? Man, I was so out of it from the surgery, it was like I was in someone else’s reality. I just wanted to get out! Apparently, 1 in every 200,000 people suffers from Gist. I have been told that there has been a mutation in my DNA.

    Having lost heaps of weight in hospital, my youngest daughter said on my return home, “You came back littler”. Even though I never speak the “C” word to them, somehow they know something is not quiet the same. Out of the blue, they say things like,” I don’t want you to leave me”, or “Mama, I want you to live longer”. My 5 year-old tells me she wants to keep my bones when I die. I feel like I’m letting them down, like they’ve got a dud parent who’s not going to be around for them. God, it’s bloody hard, like someone said to me,” It’s you! It’s you!”

    Denise said, “When I was 5 I asked my mother, “Am I going to die?” She said “Yes but not for a long, long, long time” and she said I walked away still looking unsettled.

    Oh Denise, when your child asks you that dreaded question, it is absolutely heartbreaking. It hurt me like hell to have to tell my eldest she would die one day. I will never forget the look on her face. She was six. Is there anything sadder than a child coming to terms with their own mortality and the mortality of their parents?

    I’m currently on the control part of a two year trial. I got randomized via a computer in Sydney and didn’t get the forty grand a year drug that may prevent it coming back. Being on the trial means I get monitored and free CT scans, every 3 months. Unfortunately, because of the size of the tumour there is a medium to high risk of it returning. I’ve been told I have 5 plus years to live.

    Well, that is my story. I can’t believe I have written it down. Will I regret having done so, possibly? I’m just ((‘{~_~}’)) after all. I guess it has been therapeutic. Depression hits me hard and often.

    Some people believe we choose our parents, that we know them from past lives, that we are here on this earth to learn a lesson. So what is mine I ask myself? Cancer/Death or Cancer/Survival?

    If my daughters chose me, was their lesson to deal with the loss of their mother at a young age? Hopefully not! I do intend to survive this thing!

  45. avatar
    Anthony | 11 January 2007 at 8:09 pm #

    To (‘{~_~}’)),
    All I can say is I’m on your side and pulling for you. I think Steve really hit a nerve with his blog today as most of us long-time fans aren’t exactly spring chickens anymore. Most of us, like you, have children and children really mark time for their parents, whether dealing with an illness or not. So (‘{~_~}’)) take care of yourself and I applaud you for telling your story. I don’t see why you should regret it.
    Anthony

  46. avatar
    davem | 11 January 2007 at 8:12 pm #

    ((‘{~_~}’))
    I don’t know what to say. I was so upset by your post that I lost my last response.
    Whatever this little TTB community isn’t, at least we are united in a sense of love, decency, compassion and care. I often read your posts – you write so cleverly, I wish I was as articulate.
    But I’m not, so all I can offer you from this tiny piece of England are all the loving prayers I can muster. I don’t know you but I know of your love for SK so that makes you a special person. I’m sure all the fiends will be really upset to read about what you’ve been through. We’ll all be in your corner.
    Good luck tonight SK. You’ve touched all of our lives for the better.
    Love to everyone,

    dave M
    xx

  47. avatar
    CeciliaGin | 11 January 2007 at 8:39 pm #

    ((‘{~_~}’)),

    Your in my thoughts darlin’! Have you looked at alternative methods of healing? They can’t hurt.
    Count with massive healing energies from the fiends.
    Love,
    Cecilia

  48. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 January 2007 at 9:03 pm #

    ((‘{~_~}’)),

    Ok so I can’t make the face like everyone else, and then I thought duh, copy it! Anyway I cried when I read your story. Don’t be sorry for writing it. I like to think that Steve has brought us together and we’ve become a little motley family going through this blog and life together. Although it seems like so little, you will always be in my thoughts and prayers. I will not pretend to even imagine what you’ve gone through. Healing energy will be in my every meditation, sent your way. Cecilia was right – the fiends will send all we’ve got to you. Sometimes, great things happen!
    love,
    denise
    xxoo

    p.s. steven, i forgot to offer best of luck on your acting! you are oh so prolific in every way in this life. good for you!

  49. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 January 2007 at 9:31 pm #

    Seems rather optimistic.

    Anyone else feel more like life is prolonged humiliation? A series of shameful trainwrecks begging to be buried?

    I mean I wish I felt more joy, but I don’t swim, create art and smoke joints at parties. My life is filled with bills, drudgery, fear and shame.

    Is anyone else a miserable straight?

  50. avatar
    Samosanx | 11 January 2007 at 9:40 pm #

    Minute by minute, mile by mile
    We keep getting closer to our destination, heading for the old turnstile
    Hour by hour, kiss by kiss
    Everything changes, everything locks, it’s all just, hit or miss

    de de de de de de, de de deh
    This is an open invitation, to my world
    de de de de de de, de de deh
    this is an open invitation, to my world

    Suck by suck,
    Drip by drip
    Too busy making rocks from sand
    There’s a fire on sunset strip

    and step by step,
    Star on star
    Circling round them, rings of Saturn, oh oh, what a trip

    de de de de de de, de de deh
    this is an open invitation, to my world
    de de de de de de, de de deh
    this is an open invitation,
    to my world

    (middle eight – beatiful guitar in front of Std Straw de de vocals and snappy snare holding beat)

    de de de de de de, de de deh
    this is an open invitation
    to my world
    de de de de de de, de de deh
    this is an open invitation, to my world
    (rpts x 3……

    …fades

    Grant McLennan – Open Invitation – Horsebreaker Star

  51. avatar
    Anonymous | 11 January 2007 at 10:19 pm #

    Im not afraid to die..
    I just dont want to be there when it happens
    -woody allen

    Excellent blog sk
    its no reason to be sad
    love yu bro..
    time keeps on slippin into the futuro..

    jaime r..

  52. avatar
    MarkM | 11 January 2007 at 10:36 pm #

    Dear ((‘{~_~}’))
    Lots and love and prayers are with you – don’t regret telling your story for a second. Your strength and dignity is a beautiful thing. Letting your story out will make you feel stronger somehow….and it also moved us all I’m sure. My eyes are full of tears….
    Thanks again to Steve for a blog that brings us all closer together.
    xxx

  53. avatar
    nickfiction | 11 January 2007 at 11:44 pm #

    SK, For all the beautiful music you have given us, I’d gladly give you another day. Your music and great words will live on forever……..

  54. avatar
    Anonymous | 12 January 2007 at 12:46 am #

    this is one of my favorite blogs you’ve written sk

  55. avatar
    mike a | 12 January 2007 at 3:48 am #

    Time is on my side, yes it is!!

  56. avatar
    Anonymous | 13 January 2007 at 12:14 pm #

    Steve, this reminded me of nightmares when i was young, dreaming of waking up from a coma 20 years into the future and missing my whole youth …people gone, friends changed, wrinkles appearing, opportunities missed, mum and dad frailer, getting lost in streets, scary… and the world no longer the same, and yet still the same


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