posted on July 14, 2007 at 8:02 am

lost in the wilderness
the being
your being
your very own being
oh so lost
such a shame
interrupted
the story thus far
and you realise
then and there
there is no other being
only being now
the present
the present you should unwrap
with or without the internet
just for the time being
and with this hiatus
with this rupture….
i feel strange
like ive changed
in these times
these peculiar times
no certainty attached
indeed
saturday night has arrived
somewhere wild parties
drunken groping on the verandah
beers knocked over
ashing on the carpet
music blares and blasts
people smoke dope
and discuss the world as they know it
cars pull up
cars leave
doors open n close
people get dressed
then undressed
then dressed again
a quick shower
hot water against yer hangover
find the keys
grab a guitar
pluck a string
sing some words
meet some people
say some things about yourself
im a virgo horse with no remorse
ive got a bad cough n i like to get off
the world occaisionally
hello hello yes yes
you are in the car travelling
the others around you in the dark interior
and you drive drive drive
thru the starry night
thru the cities and graveyards
the football fields and strawberry stalls
the others are laughing
ha ha they say
but then they seem so far away
remember all the drinking and drugging
and you slouch down low in your seat
and the music is playing
the inevitable music
the soundtrack to your life
except your life isnt a film
it isnt a story
or a biography
or a song
or even a blog
its
its…..
well
its something else
traffic lights change
a siren screams in the night out there
this amazing black night
this foreign night
this sentient night
this eternal afterwards
in the void left by applause
in the emptiness
and you drive drive drive
caravans and wire fences
used cars and little fluttering flags
the others are silent now
maybe asleep
their heads folded at crooked angles
the music plays on
the buldings go past
where am i
i say
where are we going
but no one answers
as they all dream in the car
as they twitch and move with the motion
feeling of imminent disconnection
feeling of discontinuity and dislocation
saturday night oozing away into sunday morning
that most sobering of times
when you wish youd been good
when you wish you were somewhere else
when you wish you knew what to wish for
drive on
down the road
it doesnt matter
someone else takes over inside
and you are not you
some part of you is gone
another part has gone
gone where i groan
grown up and all
everything is easier now
so much easier
so much lighter to glide
thru the heavy air
bang!
you crashed
now its my turn

43 Responses to “insider”

  1. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 July 2007 at 9:18 am #

    And about a hundred of us tumble through the rabbit hole to be ‘on top of the world’.

    CA

  2. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 July 2007 at 9:20 am #

    do you want ME to drive??????? love,as always ,genx xxx

  3. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 July 2007 at 9:31 am #

    memory, it’s what we do at mid-life.
    it’s natural to remember your loved ones,
    i’m blue for those who’ve flown and those nearing the heavens.
    life sometimes is more easy now
    i remember those parties
    the music
    the driving at odd hours
    many times that happened all at once
    against my fathers rules
    i knew it was wrong
    against his caring
    i was so bad
    but, it was so great then
    i was invincible
    i could live forever
    now it’s ‘nicer’
    nicer into greater
    can’t say i miss those days
    just very glad i did it that way
    if i only could do it now…nah.
    Fame eludes me so far?
    No, I elude fame.
    does success elude me as well?
    I doubt it…I’m too strong.
    Look, we built ourselves up!
    That was a lot of fun we had
    It’s even more fun and success now
    We’re self made
    Don’t kid yourself about that.

    an artist in CA

  4. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 July 2007 at 9:34 am #

    hey genx,
    take the wheel! Where would you like to drive to?

    Amused in CA

  5. avatar
    fantasticandy | 14 July 2007 at 9:53 am #

    you are all under observation.
    i hope you all realise this.
    luv,
    andy L.

  6. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 July 2007 at 10:09 am #

    “a muse in ca”..”.theres no place like home”…don the ruby slippers!xxx…genx

  7. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 July 2007 at 10:59 am #

    …remembering the blurry interface between being asleep and awake in the car…the atonal roar and whisper of the engine…arriving at your destination and now it’s the silence that roars as you lie in a strange bed and your body still feels carried foward by impetus…still seeing the metronome of streetlights behind your closed eyelids…such is the stuff of waking dreams…
    -The Hellbound Heart

  8. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 July 2007 at 11:13 am #

    just read last night’s comments…looked like i missed a bit of a piss-up at the local bar between the regulars…ah well, never mind…i’ll just sit my ass down on a stool, hook into a bottle of western australian red and a packet of honey mustard chips…good winter drink, red wine…yum yum…
    -The Hellbound Heart

  9. avatar
    Celticat | 14 July 2007 at 11:26 am #

    felt like I was in drivers seat on that one Steve!!

    HHB you not planning to drink that wa red alone are you?

    Knot – it’s still your round

    X
    celticat

  10. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 July 2007 at 11:33 am #

    ton o’ bricks

  11. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 July 2007 at 11:33 am #

    ton o’ bricks

  12. avatar
    verdelay | 14 July 2007 at 11:59 am #

    I don’t remember anything.

    And the person who remembers isn’t me.

    Dispatch mercury to ferry the message.

    I like it here. Just the three of us.

  13. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 July 2007 at 12:01 pm #

    Oh darling…
    Darling…
    It was my false
    I put the key beside your pillow
    Hope you could find it when you woke up
    And I thought you must knew
    Cause on it i wrote your name sweetly
    with your shining birthday next to it
    So it’s a key only for you
    And then I back to my house
    waited
    and waited
    finally fell asleep
    i was tired of waiting
    it made me exhausted
    And every moment I was awake
    when I couldn’t see you
    was like a life under a sword…
    I was waiting in darkness
    With imagination of so many versions
    so anxiously
    so jealously
    They say don’t chase what you cant catch
    But I’m the one who don’t believe
    (maybe not the only one)
    I’m driving my old santafee
    Chasing your golden chariot
    Oh so many mistakes
    How many of it we’ve not made yet?

    I’ve seen your present
    a black angle shining and glowing
    in the deep shadow
    Oh darling I like it! i love it!
    The title and it’s design
    And what in it is still a secret
    A sweet secret
    They say I have to wait 2~4 weeks
    And obviously it’s too long!
    I’m afraid before it arrive
    I’ll be burned into ashes
    The feeling inside me is burning
    Burning for you
    My being!

    *

  14. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 July 2007 at 12:07 pm #

    angel^^

    *

  15. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 July 2007 at 12:10 pm #

    look for the key… it’s not so difficult

    love

    *

  16. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 July 2007 at 12:21 pm #

    andy L.
    ‘you are all under observation.
    i hope you all realise this.’

    I must say that’s why you are not steve.

    nice weekend!

  17. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 July 2007 at 12:23 pm #

    I leaned into the rythym of this one, my face getting closer and closer to the glowing screen, when “bang”

    fucking great denouement Steve

    (sorry joyce,kisses, sweet genx)

    KittyKatxx

  18. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 July 2007 at 12:30 pm #

    shaking,not shivering. oh!its cold here. cant wait to get homeoff this street,and out of this nasty wind.brilliant,as always……4D

  19. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 July 2007 at 12:32 pm #

    or… you’ve had the key, and you’ve been to my room?
    i’m so much confused…

    love

    *

  20. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 July 2007 at 12:39 pm #

    nd2 is 4u

  21. avatar
    veleska1970 | 14 July 2007 at 12:41 pm #

    today’s blog fits me to a T.

    welcome back, steve. glad to see you again.

    lotza love…..

  22. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 July 2007 at 12:42 pm #

    LOVE * LOVE * LOVE*

  23. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 July 2007 at 12:49 pm #

    this is turning into a drunken love in. pretty boring
    genx, do you have your own blog? maybe you should get one. not being rude but thers this reverse discrimination thing goin on here now where evereyone is making out that you are really fascinating cos your a blind ex-stripper. Which is interesting to a point, but you do tend to babble on a bit dontcha? and it’s not really about anything that interesting.

    not meaning to offend but maybe yu could take it elsewhere where you and your devotees can do your online sex thing or whatever the the goal of all this online flirting is.

    nice entry today killer

  24. avatar
    davem | 14 July 2007 at 1:18 pm #

    Wonderful.
    That was almost as rich as your voice. I could almost hear you.
    It’s just added to what is a very sunny afternoon here in blighty.
    AENT playing in the garden (Song for the asking to be exact)…and a barbie on the go – tofu and aduki bean chilli burgers for me and missus m.
    Thanks for spoiling us esskay. Very nice indeed.

    xx

  25. avatar
    Tim | 14 July 2007 at 1:25 pm #

    ttb you should write more…more books, screenplays, ya have a great gift steve. Its amazing to see thanks for the blog. ive been on here now and again since feb, after reading todays entry i have decided to take the plunge and subscribe. thanks for the 5 month test drive.

  26. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 July 2007 at 1:31 pm #

    Anon. at 10:49…Leave ’em alone. It’s exciting!

  27. avatar
    restaurant mark | 14 July 2007 at 3:09 pm #

    really love that one…

    take care everyone

  28. avatar
    Brien Comerford | 14 July 2007 at 3:14 pm #

    The Time Being somehow transports me back to flashbacks of my inglorious past. This time I am back at college at The University of San Diego. An idyllic, healthy and vibrant place. But my college days crashed when my very beloved girlfriend finally and rightfully told me to take a permanent hike. I remember taking an irreparable mental dive and repeatedly listening to the “The Doors” haunting “Moonlight Drive.”

  29. avatar
    Daberhasher | 14 July 2007 at 3:29 pm #

    tis a thin line between saturday night and sunday morning, isn’t it…
    3 a.m. visitors makin’ me twitch, scratching at my cosmic suit of armor…
    or is it amore???

    as always,
    aloha with love,
    erik

    ride a bike everyone!!!

  30. avatar
    mel | 14 July 2007 at 3:30 pm #

    Lets swin out tonight love
    it’s our turn to try
    penetrate the evening that
    the city sleeps to hide….

  31. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 July 2007 at 3:33 pm #

    i’m finding a fact
    i misunderstood your words totally
    mistakes over mistakes
    … ok tomorrow there’ll be another party
    a party nearby our house
    we’ll meet some friends
    beer and laughter and maybe some hugs
    but remember this darling
    when all of them gone
    and all turn to quiet
    i’ll back to myself
    talk to you
    miss you
    dream of you
    the only you
    the only appolo
    you come to my mind
    when i was so much longly…
    i guess you must have angered Aphrodite’s boy
    get his golden arrow stroke you so
    mercilessly
    did you hear beautiful nypths are crying
    whispering their hero’s blind!
    … and Eros the sweet boy
    this time he’s made a big mistake
    he drew out another golden arrow
    instead of a blunt one…
    dear sweet Eros thanks a lot for that
    your sharp golden arrow stroke my heart
    made me drunk
    made me want see him buring in jealous
    i was so much involved
    although someone has said…
    he said Apollo’s a SCHOLAR in the school of love!

    *

  32. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 July 2007 at 3:39 pm #

    but i love the scholar
    the lovely robber and time stealer
    that’s why i’m blind
    i guess
    so sweetly blind

  33. avatar
    lily was here | 14 July 2007 at 3:41 pm #

    s t r a n g e c o l o u r b l u e

    hey, i’ve missed you sk. been away up north, family dramas etc here as well …but did squeeze in a long lunch with pk,all good. did we talk about you? 🙂 all love and kisses. sadly i heard the news today from Thor that Robert Burås from Madrugada, their guitarist/songwriter, has passed away suddenly, y’know how i love that band, only 31. your blog was right there, in tune with my sad mood tonight. no slumber.

    “when you wish you knew what to wish for” – oh yeah.

    I can steer the ford for you, nowhere in particular, maybe the lost highway, longas its not a Dr who episode, trapped on a neverending underground freeway ! I get claustrophobic … bring your new cds, we’ll play them loud. I can even plug in ipods,We can fit a few others in the backseat, – could be a long drive #

    love sue cee x

    ps hope everyone’s got their orders into churchmerch for the new singles collection by now!

  34. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 July 2007 at 3:49 pm #

    that was not me xxxgx

  35. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 July 2007 at 3:55 pm #

    ????…that ?m dazzled

  36. avatar
    fantasticandy | 14 July 2007 at 6:01 pm #

    Anonymous at 10:21 PM said…
    ‘andy L.
    ‘you are all under observation.
    i hope you all realise this.’

    I must say that’s why you are not steve.

    nice weekend!’

    this is totally nonsensical.
    what point are you trying to make?
    if any?
    why do you feel compelled to do this sort of thing?
    i think it’s about time you published your name isn’t it?
    there’s nothing noble about being a faceless sniper…is there?
    luv to all,
    andy L.

  37. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 July 2007 at 8:06 pm #

    Hey regoolars…there are plenty of us here who don’t make ourselves real obvious…any or most of the time…or maybe we change guises..this is our wont- having been on both sides of the draw, I’ll agree with Anon at 10:49 any other such defiant and discerning opinions…cuz I cant stand that kind of coercion- even amongst decent or otherwise bright peeple…is that too complicated for ya…??? Articulation is compelling…there is more to the criticism than just raining on someone…aND SOME THESE FOLKS HAVE BECOME sk’s LITTLE HENCHMAN…I would like to mention a name of someone i particulary dislike, but I’ll spare the beatin heart and foamin mouth- of which his is very fat and stupid: i’m sure he’ll pop in and say something obnoxious and gushing…and then yap it up with his buddies in a pathetic scroll…Steve, just as a side psyche musement, let me say, in your earnestness to thank and mention some of these folk, without perhaps sussing this out- to me thats pretty fucking remiss- anyway, I’ll just enjoy the music…for what its worth. And you know, its nothing against Andy, or sweet girls like Veleska, a fellow suffering Texan- I’ve seen the caustic bullshit some have written over time…anyhow…nevermind~*~ Some of us just are turned off by…..blank:about….go figure it out….Today’s phrase” YOUR GONNA MISS ME ” …the elevator is stuck again on the 13th floor…its raining its pouring…la la la la la

  38. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 July 2007 at 8:39 pm #

    It amazes me how many people make snide remarks about commenters on ttb.
    It’s easy enough to read SK’s daily post without looking at anything written by his fans isn’t it?

  39. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 July 2007 at 8:44 pm #

    And anon at 6.06 how can you write about someone you “particularly dislike”? You don’t know the person.
    It’s so sad. There’s so much shite in the world and people can do nothing better with their lives than post bile. I’m too old to be angered by stuff like that. It’s just makes me tired and weary.

  40. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 July 2007 at 10:11 pm #

    if only EVERYONE would write uneducated,soul less,narcissistic,negative comments,on this page.the world would be a much shallower place,for all of us.A sweeping observation,of a person,based upon their physical status,and previous occupation…..is an unfortunate and telling insight into the insecurities of the writers who feel it necessary to waste time on such arrow slinging…look deeper…..from ,gen…and am not afraid to put my name to this{another telling sign,that i will not vent my reactions anonymously}

  41. avatar
    zebob | 14 July 2007 at 11:08 pm #

    Was sitting on the neighborhood beach, watching my two playing about, dashing to and fro, digging in sand, fishing for crabs. Had my iPod plugged in and was listening to “Forget Yourself” with a smile on my face and a tap on my toes. I couldn’t get my Go-Betweens tribute to play because the iPod didn’t like it without tags. I think I’ve fixed that. Speaking of Go-Bees, I like how Mr. SK sprinkles a few clues here and there, “Intermission” being the last one, of his connection with Grant. And I’m having a very difficult time trying to order the official tribute album. Has anyone picked up a copy?
    And lastly, a nice review of the Forster/McLennan compilation here:
    http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/article/record_review/43732-intermission-the-best-of-the-solo-recordings-1990-1997
    -z

  42. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 July 2007 at 11:12 pm #

    it’s early morning
    get up with a sore throat
    direct result of your words
    take them back darling
    the best medicine you can give
    it’s sunny outside
    nice time for a picnic
    but inside me it’s so much cloudy

    *

  43. avatar
    Anonymous | 14 July 2007 at 11:51 pm #

    I’m sorry,Gen.x


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