posted on August 29, 2009 at 7:08 am


spring arrives in shivers n blusters
here on the island in the sea
this isle is full of noises
the screeching of small things in the canopy
the parrots chatter all the lazy day
the river winding away
i am becalmed in my head
i have run aground on some stupid reef
i stare out to sea for a ship that can never arrive
the white englishman against the blue sky
the black crab against the rock
the yellow sand against the deep sea
i can neither sleep nor stay awake
all my body seems to gently ache
and my dreams torment me with hopeless struggles
i shoot into the blackness
i fight off the pillows in the night
the afternoons try to secede greedily
the afternoons which refuse to end
leaving me weakened and exhausted
my brittle nerves all dangled n jangling
and apprehending everything into saturation
i do feeble deals with myself….
if only this
or
if only that
i mutter to myself
and i envy distant people in faraway times
and i daydream about a solid darkness
that warmly enfolds me
and banishes the hounds that dog me doggedly
my shoulders sag under the weight of my heavy dead head
so full of lonely thoughts and confused tourists
so empty now of joy or peace
anger wells up in a dry compassionless desert
everything i see or hear stings my dry cold skin
i must be finally turning into a snake
i lie in the sun
and it only makes me dizzy
so i stagger into the briny ocean
which shocks me senseless
the weather suddenly changes again
the clouds race across the sky
a warm wind starts to breathe
respiring relentless gusts of sand and grit
i blink and cannot think
my voice is cracked and discoloured
my songs have faded
my words are uneven and melting
i wait for some wonderful pleasure
i wait for some miraculous evening
i wait for some heaven to swing low n pick me up
i wait for krishna to come n take me for a stroll
i wait for jesus to put his holy hand on my bony shoulder
i stand at the cross and angry roads
my sign says : will work for hedonism….
no one stops
no one travels these unbeaten paths
where the asphalt beach meats the neon jungle
where the rich italian guys drive up in their immaculate jaguars
where lone sharks aimlessly drift
and the warm but heatless wind sings in the window
near the room for rent cafe block with the empty fashion tat
and i feel myself slipping
not into dream
not into consciousness
not into blackness
but some nauseous universe all warped and sliding
every point unfixed
no certainty no attachment
may be you are mad i say to myself
but then i’d be talking to myself i hear myself say back
imagine i can read peoples minds
but my own has been locked up
and all my stuff chucked out
and exploded all over every universe
there is no where to hide
no where to go
still i await pleasure
even as the ship goes down down down
down to the bed with a shining glass sound
the palms sway in the damn wind
the fingers dance against the keyboard
type type type
type type type
type type
type

11 Responses to “lassitude”

  1. avatar
    Anonymous | 29 August 2009 at 8:52 am #

    at times,id prefer insanity to sanity.itd be much easier,i feel.

  2. avatar
    the dean | 29 August 2009 at 8:55 am #

    My heart was yesterday! -Love

  3. avatar
    Hellbound Heart | 29 August 2009 at 11:22 am #

    laser-eyed ice king in his own special brand of hell…..

    love always…..

  4. avatar
    lily was here | 29 August 2009 at 11:50 am #

    My avatar's been shining away there to the right while Ive been away?! Didn't i log off? ha ha, present in my absence.
    SK keep on the type type type, film film film brush brush stroke strum play plonk write think ponder rave click smile frown etc, don't.ever.stop being you!

    love xox

    ps im still cracking up at Ricky's Stupitron remark too LOL – THE word of the month

  5. avatar
    lisa | 29 August 2009 at 12:25 pm #

    God, Steve- How do you DO this? I work on my writing for what feels like forever and it never feels complete. You just sit down and you start typing out this beautiful, raw, poetry. We speak the same language but you are truly a master. You are just unbelievable… I am truly inspired by your creativity. Thank you for doing this and sharing it with all of us. I look forward to it every day.

    ~L

  6. avatar
    davem | 29 August 2009 at 1:35 pm #

    and my dreams torment me with hopeless struggles
    i shoot into the blackness

    Mr Humphries!!!

    and i feel myself slipping
    not into dream
    not into consciousness
    not into blackness
    but some nauseous universe all warped and sliding

    that is brilliant

  7. avatar
    Anonymous | 29 August 2009 at 2:17 pm #

    GROK ATTACK

    attempt #49 (- only publish if I’m close)

    You honestly (deadly seriously), cannot believe that you are nearly 55.

    You don’t really get off on people fawning over your every move, but it doesn’t bother you that much either.

    You know you’re very good at what you do, but you think many others are every bit as worthy.

    What really shits you though are all those fuckers with a gazillionth of your talent and an inversely proportionate income.

    And all those ‘straights’ making it possible.

    There are things you’ve done that have hurt people – intentionally and not. Many of these things you wouldn’t change. Some others you feel you must keep trying to change – if only by trying to change yourself.

    You’ve come to recognise that you’re better at this ‘family man’ thing than you ever believed a rock star could be – but that was such a low bar you still feel you’ve got miles to go.

    You feel you are an honourable man, but you’d like to be more honourable.

    You don’t fear death, but you look at life through the eye of someone that wants to keep living.

  8. avatar
    Nick | 29 August 2009 at 4:27 pm #

    as usual , great stuff, a little bleak , but great ! Nick F

  9. avatar
    Freddie | 29 August 2009 at 8:24 pm #

    Steve,

    Read this earlier & didn’t know what to say: I still don’t.
    I know there are likely to be things dogging you
    which you don’t talk about here
    and while I perhaps cannot understand the extent of your angst,
    I am always here in your corner.
    It might not be much help
    but often I’ve found that things are not exactly as they appear
    and that what exists as reality
    like everything else is constantly changing.
    So please try to stay positive.
    If you believe in such things,
    negative vibrations only attract more negative things
    Okay, I’m done 🙂
    Love ya…like a lot.

    Freddie

  10. avatar
    steve kilbey | 30 August 2009 at 12:44 am #

    dear anon at 12.17

    you know
    i think you just about completely summed up
    my whole life

    nice going
    youre spot on
    sk

  11. avatar
    Anonymous | 30 August 2009 at 3:58 am #

    I liked those words very much

    Am loving Unseen, Unheard. What a beautiful marriage of words and music. Current favourites (subject to change) are Maybe Soon and Friends Are Gone – oh that one leaves me with an achey heart.

    and I miss you
    like the deserts miss the rain

    It's been too long sk
    please come play for us soon

    Love
    Lady Di


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