posted on September 19, 2011 at 11:42 pm

angle see

i feel a bit guilty

i could have made margots night happen a bit quicker

if i’d tried harder and hadnt been so “busy”

everytime she called to talk about it i was busy arguing

arguing with all the people in my life always unhappy with me

margot you called yourself my little sister and you were right

everything in this world has dazzled us and we become overwhelmed

margot called up : steven lets get my gig happening……

aw gee margot i’m so fucking busy arguing….

arguing with the geezas in my band

arguing with my daughters

arguing with stupid alcoholics and cloth eared philistines

arguing with women manipulating me with invisible strings

arguing with men offering cash or credit

fuck i was so busy doing nothing i couldnt see anything

if i’d exerted a bit of will

i could maybe have got that show last night on a bit sooner

while her ladyship was still with us on this plane

oh margot how proud i was of you last night

if only you could have seen

a room full of people loving your songs

margot you were just a child inside

no one understood you …how could they….?

your gifts you yourself didnt understand or even question

a maverick mercurial ability to sing perfectly

a way with words

always economic and to the point

i see pictures of you as a young woman

you were quite the looker too…werent you….

how did it all go so terribly wrong?

yeah i know

bad luck bad timing bad advice

always the booze weakening and undoing your strengths

the cigs which ruin beautiful voices

and time

sooner or later it all has to go wrong for everyone

we will all be redundant forgotten

our dreams fade into old embarrassing things

margot we all loved you ,…all the people on stage last night

we loved you as a precocious child full of enthusiasm and wild ideas

i sang some our songs

dream of course

and creature

2 of your more archetypal songs i guess

i loved them both

i was very happy to get to sing them

peter was there and tim and michael and david rule

all lending support to someone who no longer will be needing it

margot the proof was in the pudding

the evening was a great success

people were entertained and happy and

why werent you there……?

you would have finally gotten a bit of love back

you never really knew how it felt to do a big successful night

margot i’m sorry i put you off at the end of your life

i shoulda done something sooner

i could’ve but i was too damned self involved

fuck you shoulda been there margot

it was your night to shine on silver girl

i hope you were watching on from somewhere

i hope you reincarnate with all that talent but a bit  more luck

yeah

it was a really good night

you had some good people there for you

i mean peter and tim and i really believed in you

margot i did let you down with my hesitant procrastinations

you should have been there

i hope i never make a similar mistake again

margot you were really one of the best singers i ever heard

its a more boring world without you

i will always listen to the things we did together

your brother in all this lunacy

sk bondi sept 19th 2011

your birthday my darling little sister

i feel you with me from time to time

be free margot for a while

and then

return to this world

renewed

 

28 Responses to “last thoughts on margot smith”

  1. avatar
    BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 20 September 2011 at 12:17 am #

    I believe she knows Steve. She understands and was there. She is f.orgiving. All those who pass on, become forgiving. We can only do so much and often it never feels that we did or have done enough. I cannot question my own past actions or inactions because than I will never be able to move forward.

    She was there, just outside of the spotlights, probably with a illuminating smile. Grateful and forgiving, yes…I do believe she was there with all of you. Love is universal, it knows and cannot be contained by any boundaries.

    Be well,
    Darrin K.

  2. avatar
    Daniel Watkins | 20 September 2011 at 12:49 am #

    Well said, Steve.

  3. avatar
    Anonymous | 20 September 2011 at 1:29 am #

    hope they’re not your last. she will shine on forever.

  4. avatar
    . | 20 September 2011 at 1:49 am #

    we’re never forgotten, and that ain’t no lie
    a new day is dawning, take the early flight
    don’t worry about tomorrow, it’ll be alright
    feel the air beneath you, the Light is bright,
    bidding you good tidings of joy from the inside
    such a beautiful world is around you, remind
    yourself of its majesty, awake in the evening tide
    like a million twinkling stars in heaven, rise high
    and evolve as you were once upon a magical time
    when you melted with eternity into the blue sky
    as a radiant beam of creation, unique and divine
    filled with the breath of perfection like a newborn child
    so shall ye endure with grace and persistence, never deny
    yourself the opportunity to live yet again with new eyes,
    full of the wisdom you’ve earned through your trials
    never let them say “she’ll never make in this town”, rewrite
    a new chapter of your own in the history of this humankind
    and love, charity, and compassion shall rest upon you and reside
    may the light glow within you, bright as a gentle sunrise
    reflecting across the water on the first day of your new life

  5. avatar
    Ryan | 20 September 2011 at 1:54 am #

    Beautifully written Steve. Don’t be too hard on yerself. You’re plugging away as best you can, just like anyone else.

  6. avatar
    Alicia | 20 September 2011 at 6:31 am #

    SK – I hope that you don’t live in regret or guilt for not contacting Margot in life. She has a better understanding now than we mortals can realize at this time. RIP Margot.

  7. Jmb066
    Jmb066 | 20 September 2011 at 7:54 am #

    Sorry again for your loss Steve, I wish I could have been there to see/hear and support the show. I am only somewhat familar with Margot’s music and she really does have a lovely voice. From what I have read on FB from Sue C and others the show was amazing, I am sure Margot heard you and was smiling in appreciation. She will be with you always, and lives on your memories and dreams. Try not to be too hard on yourself regret will always creep in on you, try to remember the good times shared and keep her alive with the music you made together and continue to share it with us here at TTB.

    Take Care,

    Jason

  8. avatar
    Contessa WinAnrosa | 20 September 2011 at 7:57 am #

    thats is so beautiful,..I only had the pleasure of hearing her voice on the phone,.and only a few weeks before she passed,..she sounded so alive, happy to be dropping in on her friends,..indeed a gorgeous soul has left this plane.

  9. avatar
    sue c | 20 September 2011 at 9:06 am #

    Steven (as she called you), she told me over and over and just days before she passed that she knew that you loved her. Just remember that xx

  10. avatar
    That Girl | 20 September 2011 at 9:35 am #

    Margot will never be without love or forgotten , you’ll take care of that.

  11. avatar
    Judith Miller | 20 September 2011 at 9:36 am #

    Great tribute to your friend. I’m sure she holds no grudge, as you obviously were there lots of times for her. Unfortunately family and work inevitably hold you back. I have just lost a friend of 47 years, and her death was rapid from her diagnosis of lung cancer.We were planning another catch up later this year(divided by distance) but now this will never be. Regret is a part of life, but we must go on and honour their memory with accolades of their abilities so they will never truly ”die”

  12. avatar
    Doug Berry | 20 September 2011 at 11:36 am #

    As I drive here and there and one of Margot’s songs flits across my iPod, I think it’s such a shame she’s gone. At the same time, I find myself lucky that we I’ve got the songs I do…

  13. avatar
    Peter Koppes | 20 September 2011 at 12:37 pm #

    I was directed to your blog in celebration of Margot but therein sadly found myself accused of arguing with you. Maybe you meant someone else in the band because I hardly even have correspondence with you for band business. It was a great gig though as you said. love Peter

    • avatar
      thetimebeing | 20 September 2011 at 6:48 pm #

      no i said i was arguing with the geezas in my band but did i say you specifically….?
      and i would say that we are quite an argumentative band…..wouldnt you?
      i am sincerely sorry you took offence
      you looked about 35 and played like a real star the other night
      and you were a much much better friend to margot than i ever was…
      anyhow your musical wherewithal still blows me away despite having known you nearly 40 years….
      if i lived to be a hundred
      i could never be as good on the electric guitar as you were 30 years ago
      ok
      believe me
      this was not meant as any slight on you
      i would never do that to members of the church in public or on this blog
      i was merely trying to convey my own selfish world
      where i seem to be constantly at odds with everybody over everything
      yes it seems that although people mosly like my music
      in the flesh i am just” too much”
      and thats why margot called herself my little sister i guess
      in that way we were so alike…..
      much love and respect on ya!
      me

      • avatar
        Peter Koppes | 20 September 2011 at 7:37 pm #

        We are fine. Looking forward to playing together in December!

        • avatar
          BROKEN TOYS AND HEROS | 20 September 2011 at 8:55 pm #

          I know this means probably nothing coming from a meretricious fan, an outside but I have been a prolific contributor and reader of this and the previous incarnation of SK’s blog and he holds his bandmates, especially Peter, Marty, and Tim in the highest praise and regard since I have read daily beginning in 2006. And though neither of you know me on a personal level, my word as a father and as a man is golden.

          AsAlways,
          Darrin K.

      • avatar
        Mallory Weiss | 21 September 2011 at 2:49 pm #

        this isn’t intended to flatter – only to reflect – and i won’t pretend i have any idea what you’re like in the flesh… but if based solely on the measure of integrity and intensity – old sk seems to be… *prepare to cringe, ready?* a genuinely good person…(btw never stopped anyone from being a pain in the arse at the same time) wow that did sound cliché ffs only trouble is that i mean it because that’s what i sense in ttb and i suspect a sustained forgery of such quality is not possible…

        • avatar
          thetimebeing | 21 September 2011 at 8:10 pm #

          i am neither good nor bad
          just a bloke who writes songs
          thanks for the kind words mallory

          • avatar
            Mallory Weiss | 22 September 2011 at 12:28 pm #

            youre welcome but this was not written to please you, it’s a reflection – decency and magic hard wired at the core level are the 2 things precious above all in any person and unfortunately they’re not as universally common as i wish they were. i keep forgetting this and expect at least decency from everyone — upon encountering a scambag my wide-eyed disappointment is probably the most comical to watch — the odd thing is that it takes minimal interaction for that seismograph to go off, the judgment completely irrational — the guy barely said a word and i bristled -“he’s a dickhead, mike, but i cannot prove it” mike just stared “how did you know?” i didn’t. “you know what he does for a living? scamming off musicians and artists – he’s good at it…” mike naumenko, the russian rock hero, died of alcohol-related hemorrhage aged 36 — and the scambag is most likely not only alive and well but also rich. sorry the reflection turned so bleak
            –Alyona–

  14. avatar
    Donne | 20 September 2011 at 1:22 pm #

    “No man is an island, entire of itself.
    Each is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. …
    Each man’s death diminishes me, for I am involved in mankind.
    Therefore, send not to know for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.”

  15. avatar
    DavidP | 20 September 2011 at 2:10 pm #

    everytime you say coulda shoulda
    she cant hear what you said
    there is just love instead

  16. avatar
    joanna satana | 20 September 2011 at 3:28 pm #

    listen to Sue C. *THAT* is what is more important than anything else. at all <3

  17. avatar
    Mallory Weiss | 20 September 2011 at 5:55 pm #

    The guilt never completely goes away. It fades and it seems like it’s gone… then one day it’s back seemingly unprovoked – you only slightly turn to look and it’s there it cuts to the bone — it recedes in frequency but we never completely stop thinking and feeling, -what if i did – or didn’t? i should – or shouldn’t have… let me spin the world backwards and undo just this one thing… let me not go away on that fucking vacation because he was dying and i should have known better. would we want to give it up? doubtful, for most people – no, let me hold on to my pain because it helps define who i am – helps being human.
    God bless her – with the surviving recordings her voice will survive as well – and live – all memories condensed in the sound now – and it’s beautiful

  18. avatar
    captain mission | 20 September 2011 at 7:37 pm #

    guilt’s a strange thing, a trip or trap, either way there’s no need for it in this situation steve, because margot knows you love her man, she really does. you were fantastic the other night by the way, i don’t think i’ve ever seen a more authentic and honest tribute than the one you gave her in-between songs and delivering her songs.
    that kinda authenticity only comes from love.

  19. avatar
    Michel | 20 September 2011 at 10:44 pm #

    Margot Smith records
    Are in my discotheque
    Between Elliott Smith
    And Patti Smith

    Thanks Mr Kilbey
    Wish I was there to honour her memory

  20. avatar
    hellbound heart | 26 September 2011 at 7:58 pm #

    the voice of love


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